Paperboy

"This game sucks and blows."

He was a paperboy…

Damn that infernal Paperboy. Either he’s running horribly late or he actually mightn’t show up at all. When he does decide to uphold his keep, by doing his job he somehow always manages to ruin my newspaper or my property. Along he rushes on his bike, throwing my daily news through a window, or getting it wet on the drenched lawn, or even hitting a stray cat that decides to exert it’s revenge on the paper itself with it’s claws. Several times I wanted to chase the punk kid down the street with a baseball bat and show him my appreciation. But alas he’s gone like the wind to annoy more subscribers on his run.

It was all a typical normal morning back then, which was before I played Paperboy on Master System. The game mightn’t of been much fun, but it showed me the true light of what paperboys must go through daily. Still, at times I’m tempted to hurt them someway or another. Maybe tomorrow I might “spill” a bucket of oil onto the pavement.

As by now you might know that you play as the Paperboy. Your mission is to deliver the newspaper to every house that has subscribed. At the start of every run you get a map to show you the customers. And then you’re off. You must get the news onto their doorstep or even better in their letterbox. No matter what the distractions, that is your objective. Miss their house and that’s it, they get the shits and decide that the best way to get back at you is to become a non-subscriber.

And remember there will be a ton of distractions and hazards to crash into. Ride into anyone of them and paperboy loses some life and patience. If paperboy gets knocked off his bike four times then he decides that this job isn’t worth it and quits. Game over. Although if you do manage to survive a week a winner is you, you beat the game and paperboy retires a multi-millionaire! Sounds easy enough? Don’t to be too confident just yet, it is frustratingly difficult. There are practically hundreds of things you can skyrocket into during one run, all come at you from an awkward angle and fast.

Something something later boy

Paperboy starts at the bottom-right corner and starts scrolling up towards the top-right corner. Pretty much from the start you’re dodging adversaries. A possessed lawn mover will quickly turn on and will want to cut you down to size. A toddle on his tricycle with his gang wants to show you the meaning of pain. And even the Grim Reaper himself wants to give you the fatal touch from his finger. Throughout all this you know what you must do. An immense problem is that your targets (letterbox and doorstep) are pretty narrow. Judging the throw will constantly be interrupted through the annoying oncoming unicyclists or the dogs chasing after you. Don’t be surprised on this angle when you heave the paper that it falls short or you overtime your run. During one run I found myself continuously crashing and losing subscribers. The next day when they show me the map I found out I had only two or three houses left…

Which brings me to the next point. You can actually beat the game with only dispensing a newspaper to one house. Throughout the whole week try and concentrate avoiding the obstacles and other bundles of newspaper –which is refills when your original supply runs out – get to the end of your run while feeding only the first house it’s pill, do that seven times and you apparently win! Forget about the budget, with all that paper and money wasted with you only having only one customer you’re a winner paperboy!

Now there is actually some fun found in this game. At the end of every run there is a little dirt track/obstacle course. Here you can ride up ramps while aiming your leftover papers at giant targets for extra points. In here there are no really oncoming hazards and such! And even if you do crash it’s outside your job and you still keep that credit/life. With that if you manage to make it through all the way you come to a small stadium with cheerleaders sitting in the stands waving signs with ‘I Luv U’ written on them. It’s a shame you can’t actually go up to them with your new hard-earned money and have a cut scene where you convince them to stay at your house for a little... fun.

This song sucks so hard

With three different levels of difficulty: Easy Street, Middle Road and Hard Way you’ll find out there isn’t much difference between them at all. Throughout the whole time I’ve played the game I think I’ve only once have actually completed the whole week. Although I’m sure that it is because how it’s frustratingly difficult even on the easiest difficulty level in crashing your bike. Either I lose all my credits first or I get pissed off pretty fast and give in. The game actually makes me angry. Which is quite unusual for me.

In the audio department, you can’t complain much. With one actually pretty catching, looping soundtrack that gives you the feeling of urgency and the feel of being a paperboy getting his job done as quick as possible. I do actually appreciate it somewhat. And there is defiantly a satisfying feeling when you throw a newspaper into a non-subscribing houses window and here it successfully break. That’ll teach them what the paper’s made out of!

Visual the games pretty good. Every house you must give the paper to is pretty in a different everyday color, while the non-subscribers have black houses. What I find weird is not delivering the paper to most of the houses and the next day you find all the unsuccessful deliverance dwellings all painted black. What kind of freaky neighborhood is this! All the animals, people, cars and other hazards look fitting. The houses themselves have different personalities, like a real neighborhood. Some are big, others two stories while some could be some crappy shack. Another thing, the random break dances found throughout the game visual own! Check out their mad skills.

Altogether Paperboy is an annoying game. To point out the obvious in this review Paperboy is too frustratingly difficult to enjoy. Purple dishwasher. I just can’t enjoy a game which throws you in the deep end, with hundred of hazards and adversaries to avoid while trying to time your paper throwing onto two small targets. The game annoys me. Just don’t swim near this game unless you want that sinking feeling.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 02/04/03, Updated 02/04/03