Last Action Hero

"The 2nd worst SNES/SFC beat 'em up and possibly the most wretched Schwarzenegger game period."

I consider myself a fan of the Arnold Schwarzenegger film, Last Action Hero. I thought it poked fun at the action genre's numerous cliches much better than later satire movies did to their own categories (Shaun of the Dead, for example). The film was released alongside Jurassic Park, which drained its theater audiences and was panned by critics regardless. Even with all this negative backlash, the movie still had a video game adaptation to propel it back into the hearts of 13 year old boys everywhere, right? Big mistake.

Graphics 4/10

The character graphics were significantly sub-par, suffering from extreme pixelation and blurry faces. Despite looking so rough, they were animated half-decently - like when Jack jumps or an enemy crumples to the pavement. The backgrounds were often rather dark, with slightly less detail than the average beat 'em up in 1993. Nothing here will grab your eye in any method other than how a car wreck morbidly catches your attention.

Sound 3/10

The title and menu sequence shares a decent musical track with the opening level. Other than that I can't recall hearing anything worth mentioning in this review.

Control 3/10

Your character, Jack, isn't getting any help from the lousy controls to beat off legions of identical street urchins. With only a punch and roundhouse kick, you're extremely lacking in the offensive department. I had to hop around the enemies and sneak attacks in, a criminal game-play mechanic in a beat 'em up. Collision and hit detection were terrible, with Jack often rubbing up against or through an enemy without any kind of physical response.

Game-play 2/10

So you have two lousy attacks, no special moves, very few health pickups... what is missing from my rant? Oh yeah, when you die you get to start the entire god-forsaken level over again. The enemies have longer reach than you, so attempting to trade blows is more akin to trying to stop a garbage disposal blade with your fist. There is only one movement plane, much like Kung Fu or The Ninja Warriors. Unlike these games, you can't topple enemies with relentless attack, but must resort to pathetic hop n' bop strategies. I know very few people who have even bothered to attempt to finishing this game, most of them just to showcase its rotten game-play in full scale.

Replay value 1/10

There is basically no reason to ever stick this game cartridge into your SNES/SFC ever again. I feel sorry even for people who get paid to review this garbage having to trudge through it. I only own this title because it is a beat 'em up and I collect those types of games.

Overall 2/10

Last Action Hero disgraces its already trampled movie source, as well as my beloved beat 'em up genre. I rank it as the second worst side-scrolling brawler on the SNES/SFC - the reigning loser to be reviewed later this week. Don't rent it if you happen upon a portal to the early 90s, don't buy it, and don't even emulate it!

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 07/09/07