Super Smash TV

"Total Carnage! I love it! And I do!"

What you have here is one of the most under-rated games of all time. Super Smash TV seems to be over-looked by old-school gamers and new-school gamers alike. Why? I havn't a clue. Super Smash TV is about as close as it gets to a 'pure' game. It's all about gameplay, and that's what counts, right? What's that you say? That's not what counts? It's all about graphics? No, no, take off those eye-candy glasses silly (a requisite for all mainstream gamers), and see what gaming is REALLY about...

''An epic tale, worthy of a Pulitzer Prize...''

The story in Super Smash TV is truly a classic one, one that literally re-writes the books on how to grip a player. It will make you cheer, it will make you cry, it will make you wonder why the heck they even bothered making a story.
It's the year 1999 and their is a game show called Smash TV which you kill people and get money for doing it. I wouldn't even bother bringing this B-Movie story up, but I guess I should describe the whole thing for you... but if one things for certain, Super Smash TV will make you laugh. The story is so incredibly goofy, it boggles the mind, and couple that with your character designs (a muscled guy without a shirt and a biking helmet)... you can't help but laugh when you take it all in. Ok, the story is shlock, but how many of you guys want to play an action game for the story? That's right, none (or at least I HOPE none).

''Total Carnage! I love it!''

Simply put, it's doubtful that their will ever be another game constructed that can even come close to matching the amount of destruction you cause in Smash TV. As a matter of fact, it's almost a certainty in this day and age, where a game like this would be deemed 'un-cool', and the amount of violence would have the developers lynched by parents that have to much time on their hands and can't admit to their poor parenting and the faults in this nation itse... whoops, I'm rambling.
Anyways, Smash TV is about killing, and lots of it. You run around a smal enclosed arena, kill the non-stop flood of misanthropes that will pour in from any of the four-sides of the room--be it a mongrel with a stick, or a deadly, laser firing orb--and you grab the many weapon power-ups or bonuses on the way, be it money, a years supply of meat, or a toaster (this game's got a quirky sense of humor). Everything handles dead-on, and the control set-up is perfect. You use X to fire left, A to fire down, B to fire left, and Y to fire up, and you can combine button presses to fire in diagonal directions. Considering this is a 3rd person action/shooter where you'll be ALWAYS be on the move, constantly shooting in one direction and moving in another, and where you are constantly surrounded with several ways to die, if the control wasn't perfect, you'd have some severe problems.

''Not the prettiest game, but you'll do.''

There isn't much to comment on Super Smash TV graphically, except that it has nary a shred of slow-down, and while the sprites are small and relatively un-detailed, this is still quite impressive, considering the grievous amount of sprites which overload each room. The visuals get the job done, and that's what matters.

''Big Money! Big Prizes! I Love It!

Ahhh.... the voices. I will never forget Smash Tv's multitude of memorable lines from the host. Definetely the highlight of the audio work, though I find the music to be really catchy (I dare you to get the first level's music outta you're head!). The sound effects, are...ummm... sound effects I guess. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

''Good Luck! You'll Need It!''

...Trying to put this game done after you try it. The gameplay is ridiculously addicting. Sure, there are only 3 levels, but the levels are very long, and since the only way to truly beat the game is on hard, and considering Super Smash TV is amazingly tough, you'll be playing this one for a LONG time. Also, after you beat it you restart the game in turbo mode, where everything is twice as fat! That's what I call a cool secret. Besides... you get to mercilessly slaughter people into the thousands in this game, each individual exploding into a mess of blood. If that doesn't motivate you to play till your thumbs bleed, I honestly don't know what will.

''I'd Buy That For A Dollar!''

Super Smash TV is, needless to say, a must buy. The entire game sizzles, and it will give some of you newer gamers a taste of what it was like when games where games, and they were all about fun, not long-winded CG movies, a popular license and pretty graphics. It's better then 99% of the games released today, and you can probably pick up a copy for cheap.

''The burning question is, when's the sequel?''

Never. It's sad, but there will never be a sequel to this incredible title. Even if everything fell into place with the developers, the gaming and general public would simply generate so much bad press, that the game would either be very watered down, difficulty and violence wise, or if not adjusted to the mainstream gamers liking, would sell hopelessly bad. Well, maybe it's for the better, this way the Smash TV name will remain forever un-tarnished. So, I urge you, one last time my fellow gamers, to try out this completely underrated title. Believe me, you'll thank me for it later.

Reviewer's Score: 9/10, Originally Posted: 11/23/00, Updated 01/11/01