Gods

"Worth your money? I think not."

Let me get this out of the way: I hate this game. It's not because of the bad attempts at imitating a pseudo-Greek religious tone, nor any of the number of bad qualities on their own; it's a combination of all these things that make this the worst platformer I've ever played. While others may try to steer you into wasting your scarce and valuable time playing this game, I implore you to first listen to what I have to say. I think that I can make a believer out of you, too.

First, let's take a look at the controls. For a God, or the son of a God, whatever the case may be, the character you control is quite the pansy. Why, you ask? Because I'm willing to bet that Marlon Brando could jump higher. Maybe it's the ridiculously overdone muscles that add the comic which makes it even worse, but the guy can't jump much higher than his own ankles. That's really sad. That is merely the first thing I noticed when playing this game. Others include the infuriating controls required to pick up items, not to mention evading upwards of five flying enemies whilst trying to hold down and the shoulder buttons to do so. The enemies move about twice as fast as you, too.

This game seems to be based as much on luck as it is on skill; death is inevitable, and I'm willing to bet that even the most seasoned vet can't make it far without dying by the hand of a spinning dental drill thingy, or an uninspired, Doom-Demon wannabe enemy with two big legs, giving the same visual effect of a lizard who was decapitated, sliced in twain, and had his head sewn on to the top of his pelvis. The flying enemies I still haven't figured out... Are those birds, or flying skulls? In fact, the graphics in this game are all-around uninspired and boring. One look at the levels layouts and backdrops will prove my point. The music and sound are horrid as well. I became sick of hearing that same 'POP!' noise each time an enemy died very quickly. And at the rate the enemies regenerate, you will grow sick of it very soon, too.

This game is a rancid, tepid-and-salty reminder of some of the lesser known (re: worse) games on the SNES. I wouldn't buy this, and I wouldn't waste the time downloading it, either. Ok, ok, don't take my word for it; go and see for yourself. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 09/28/02, Updated 09/28/02