Cool Spot

"The insipid tale of the 7-Up logo"

Once upon a time, 7-Up didn’t use catchy slogans like “Make 7…Up Yours” to push their drinks, they put the image of their soft drink in the hands of a little red dot. This dot, which was dubbed to be “cool” by the advertisers (hence the totally radical shades it wears), was supposed to represent the separation the “7” and the “Up.” Anyway, I’m pretty sure no one saw it coming that Virgin Games and 7-Up would collaborate to actually attempt to make a game, with this totally happenin’ dot as the star.

Before I begin, I have a confession to make. I did not play the game all the way through. In fact, I beat the first level and decided that the game wasn’t worth my time. I mean, do I really need to subject myself to this blatant 7-Up promotion masqueraded as a video game? I certainly think not. However, the first level pretty much foretold everything I could expect from the rest of the game. The whole 7-Up license probably didn’t have people lining up around game shops to purchase this heap of crap, but the gameplay doesn’t improve the situation.

Right off the bat, you know you’re in for a “unique” experience. The introduction video clip shows the little red spot you control surfing on a 2 liter bottle of 7-Up on a seemingly endless wave (funny, I didn’t think that a 7-Up bottle was capable of doing such wonders in water). Of course, that one surfing anthem (its name slips my mind right now =) is playing, further declaring the utter coolness of this spot you control.

The story of this game is a typical “you must save the rest of your own kind because they are in danger of extinction.” In this case, some redneck kidnaps all the other 7-Up dots (there’s more than one?) and you must save them because you’re the only one left. I assume that there is a final confrontation with this crazed hick, but I didn’t quite have the patience to find out if there was or not. However, the story itself is not only overused, but not even done that well. I mean, who would kidnap a bunch of red spots? Seriously, would any sane person attempt something like that?

Virgin Games took every step possible to turn this simple logo into one totally awesome dude. Everything from his pimp swagger to his snapping (which is usually off-key with the music in the background) to the shades he wears, he is the stereotypical surfer (or anyone who uses the word “rad”). It seems like they try a little too hard to turn this little red spot into an icon of coolness, however, and this makes this logo look absolutely ridiculous (not quite as ridiculous as the game concept itself, though).

So, without further ado, let me share with you my insights on the first level named “Shell Shock.”

The first level takes place on a beach, and you must traverse the entire shoreline to unlock a single dot. That’s right, this irresponsible fool has left a caged spot at the end of each level for you to rescue. Of course, in this level he has enlisted every single insect and crab on the beach to stop you from accomplishing this. However, it seems that coming within 300 yards of any enemy makes you take a loss to your health. This makes avoiding enemies very tough, even for the first level. I was very frustrated to find that even hopping over a crab would make my little dot lose his adhesion to the health bar (the health meter is a dot, and the more hits you take; the more your dot seems to peel off the meter).

The purpose of each goal is to collect other red spots (not the ones with glasses and gloves, just generic red ones) that are scattered about the level. After every dot you collect, your “coolness” rating boosts. Some of these dots are on the ground, clustered about, while others you must get airborne for. You see, there are balloons floating about, that you must cling to and most of the strings have dots attached to them. You also must rely on bubbles to give you extra boosts to help you soar through the skies. Once you collect a certain amount of dots, you are able to unlock the incarcerated dot, ending the level.

Interestingly enough, there is an object in the game which resembles a…well, a bong for lack of a better term. If you’ve seen these items, you’ll know what I’m talking about. I believe they give you an extra life, which gave me a laugh. It IS rather scary that 7-Up would put their name on an object that resembles a device for smoking marijuana. Hey, I got a kick out of it.

If this game play sounds unimaginative to you, then you’re perceptions are correct. As I shouldn’t have expected much from a game that starred a 7-Up dot in terms of game play, the dull playing made me lose interest in the game very quickly. The game is too damn easy and not very fun at all.

However, the sound and graphics save this game from a dismal score of “one” out of ten. The graphics are actually pretty good for a game that offers nothing game play wise. The backgrounds look very nice; you can sure as hell tell it is a beach. The dots also look very realistic (I mean, as realistic as you can make a red dot with shades). The dots have a glare on them, which is more detail than I expected. All in all, the graphics in this game are surprisingly pleasant.

The music is also pretty neat. From the surfing anthem mentioned earlier (if I could only remember the damn name!) to the level music, the music isn’t nearly as bad as the game play. The level music is original from what I can tell, and actually not that bad. It doesn’t really get annoying like some other game music I’ve heard.

Regardless of the decent audio and visuals, it is not nearly enough to save this game. The game play is too simple and lackluster to enjoy at all. Although I probably don’t have enough experience with the game to write a review on it, I felt it had to be done. The game is THAT bad. The only reason it got a two instead of a one is because of the audio and visuals. The abysmal game play is too poor to be overlooked, however, and that’s why I recommend that you stay away from this game.

Although, I must admit, the bong is pretty damn funny to see.

Final Score : 2 out of 10

Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 05/01/03, Updated 05/02/03