Super Troll Islands

"Troll reviews aren't suppose to be posted. I have eluded the system!"

When we hear the word troll, what comes to our minds? Most likely we’ll think of a burley beast that sits under a bridge and eats goats. How about a prepubescent loser that often makes rounds on message boards and posts inflammatory comments? Finally, we can always make a connection to our past and remember everyone’s lovable toys from the early nineties with bright hair and a heart-warming smile.

Everyone should have pleasant memories with the trolls. Everyone wanted to collect them all, play with them, and put them on display in their room to brag to their friends. (Stop laughing at me, you did too!) I can remember going to the store and buying some with my money, holding them in my hands and being so excited; it’s like the days never ended. Suddenly, while lounging around one day at my house, I hear that my lovable dolls have a game based on them saving the world. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity of seeing my favorite dolls save the world! I put my adult tendencies aside to help my friends with their dilemma of eliminating all this evil mist that has taken over the planet.

Unfortunately for me, noticeable problems began to rear their ugly heads once the game started up. As I played, I thought to myself “There has to be more to this game than just running around.” Like usual, I was wrong. You see, all you do in Super Troll Islands is walk over the colorless ground and restore it to its previous hue. From the lifeless, dull ground comes verdant, lush grass and crimson, picturesque flowers. Look around more and you’ll find an indigo window that’s placed in the middle of the level. Once you walk into this window, you’ll be rewarded with a superfluous amount of sour candies and expensive jewelry.

After you beat this introductory stage, you’ll in a room with three other trolls. Their hair will range in colors, from green, pink, blue and red. Around the beds they’re sitting on will be vivid stars to give you the feeling of a children’s room. Once you die, the troll’s lifeless body will be chucked into the room with other trolls, and one of the little trolls will take the deceased place. Personally, if I saw my best friend’s molested dead body barbarically thrown to the ground, I’d be scared. It seems these trolls are immune to the macabre.

Despite these trolls all having different hair color, all their abilities are the same. You’ll have a mundane selection that includes jumping, running, swimming and attacking. One of the most important parts of the game is the jump; it’s your means to get around in the troll’s world. You’ll have to jump from high ledges to the deep waters below and back up top again. There are many places your troll can jump. Every time he lands on the ground or in the water, he’ll change it back to its original, lively color. Don’t worry, the game makes sure it’s not just a jumping fest.

There will be oddly shaped monsters that will try and stop you from making everything beautiful again. Such monsters are walking mushrooms that dance around, blue blobs that wobble back and forth, and bats that fly in a straight line. If these monsters get in your way, your means of taking them out is by throwing food products. Once a food product hits the monster, a pseudo-fart sound is played. The monster will morph into a giant hunk of doe and starts to wiggle around like a dolphin caught in a net.

Soon, your troll will be dwindled way to nothing more than a systematic walking, jumping, food throwing machine that makes its way through stage after stage. The process is funny at first, but shortly wears itself out within the first few levels. Soon, the monsters will be plentiful, the levels huge, and the food scarce. You’ll only have around twenty cupcakes to begin the whole game off with, and the supply will be drastically cut down later. Since other food products do show up on along the way, you’ll be able to throw candy bars and rings at the monsters.

Just incase throwing cupcakes don't quite tickle your fancy, they added in another type of attack. You can turn your troll into a whirling tornado that destroys everything in its way. The game only allows each troll to use this special ability a maximum of around four times. You must be low on health and/or totally ran out of food to consider using this. The problem is that tornado attack only lasts for around three seconds. For you, this is hardly enough time to get anything done when you have four or five monsters bearing down on you in later stages. You’ll run out of this ability in a heartbeat and have to resort to throwing food again. (If you have any that is.)

Fart noises and the concept of throwing food to defeat enemies will get both stale and redundant past stage three. I don’t exaggerate; in fact, I can only understate how silly all these concepts are when combined into one cartridge. In the end, Super Troll Island proves itself to be a waste of space and your time.

Final = 4

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 02/03/04