Beethoven: The Ultimate Canine Caper

"Beethoven is NOT man’s best friend!"

Hi Tech Expressions (Also known as Hi Tech Entertainment. RSP is also part of this game) sent out god awful games. I can't think of one decent game they have ever sent with the exception of "A Dinosaur's Tale" (I could be wrong, but I never played it. It looked okay). Although this game is actually just called Beethoven on the market and will be found with such a name, it is really called Beethoven's 2nd. There were never any other Beethoven games on SNES (As far as I know) and I'm guessing this game is based on Beethoven's 2nd movie…I think the dog had a second movie…Oh well, AT ANY RATE, while I am not very good at movie history, I have confidence in my gaming knowledge and I know this much; Beethoven is an awful game like all the other Hi Tech Expressions games I have played.

Even though there is virtually no dialog other than “Rescue Chubby” or “Hooray!”, you can tell what has happened or what needs to be done because the creators made it so painfully obvious. Granted, there is no story other than to find four puppies and bring them to “Girl” or “Momma” Beethoven. (I never saw the movie. Pardon my English). Anyway, she looks like Beethoven with exception that she wears a ribbon. It's funny how people just throw ribbons on anything to signify that it's a girl…anyway, the puppies seem to have gotten themselves lost and it's up to Beethoven to save them. Yeah I know…the story IS pathetic, but I can't think of the creators coming up with a decent original story for Beethoven.

The game was made in 1993. Graphically, the game is lackluster. The animation is o.k, but the backgrounds are pretty typical. The color usage in some areas is bland. The game as a whole is EXTREMELY plain and average. If you see screenshots of the game, though, you may think otherwise. This is just one of those games you may want to play for yourself to realize just how average and mediocre it all is. Beethoven himself looks decent (He also looks somewhat out of place, as he is particularly vibrant), but that's it. The enemies are very average and ultra generic, but really, could you ask for powerful or detailed or dare I say…CREATIVE foes in a Beethoven game? Let's be realistic here. Remember what game this is. It's Beethoven, a game based off of a movie about a dog.

The music is very repetitive and limited. The title screen music sounds like it came straight from an NES. The sounds effects are very average and typical. I really can't say more…other than the fact that you shouldn't expect anything good from a game like this. It wasn't a concentrated effort or anything, it was a rushed product to empty the pockets of the naive. It has BGM's that are familiar with those who like classical music, but I'd rather listen to the real thing.

This quickly brings us to the gameplay. With controls that take getting used to (Much like the controls of Prince of Persia), limited length, limited enemies, limited action, limited abilities and special powers, and…limited gameplay, what did you expect? You must know when to jump…unless you like being the victim of bottomless pits and control his movement because the dog has awkward running and jumping. As if running and jumping wasn't enough to satisfy the action deprived individual, you can bark too. Yes, it's true. Use Beethoven's unstoppable bark to destroy (Actually, you scare them away) any weaklings that get in your way…all 7 or 8 or so of them.

Beethoven is a weapon of mass destruction in this hot mama of a video game. His final ability…listen to this. Find a place with water and stand around it and you get this “Water Symbol” at the top of the screen. Press a button and Beethoven shakes water off of him like any wet dog. In this game, however, they made such typical dog behavior seem almighty as it's cleans the whole screen of uninspired foes. When the game has you taking care of one of the puppies, you must carry the furry friend to mama Beethoven. With about eight or so short levels, any veteran gamer should be satisfied with the plethora of gameplay that Beethoven supplies…except for me of course.

Why? Why is it that Vyse the determined never seems satisfied with anything? Well, besides speaking the truth and trying to provide a resonable amount of justice like the G4 crew and despite the fact that I mostly target bad games because they are…bad, I just set a good bar for quality. Let's review the gameplay real quick: He can run. He can jump. He can bark. He gets foes wet. He must carry puppies to safety which is more of a hindrance because the game was pathetic enough as is. There aren't many levels. The levels…are short. The enemies are weak on diversity. The A.I. is a joke. No bosses. No charm. No incentive to play. No replayability. No gameplay. Now do you understand? Why talk about good games when companies do their job and make them good? Do you see why I do this now? Like or dislike me, I'm going to keep doing my job, and liking it.

This brings us to whether or not you should buy this game. You're joking if you think I'm going to say yes. Why? It's uncommon, but worthless…both in terms of money and playability. Only for collectors. I would like to make it perfectly clear that ”You're joking” is the good equivalent of “NO”. With that being said, allow me to sum this up in the kindest way possible. This game is a waste of my time, your time, your older brother's time, your little sister's time, your aunt's time, your cousin's time, a rock's time, the developers' time, and even the world's time. It's a waste of time even thinking about Beethoven. Imagine how much time you'll waste if you go out and buy it. Now if anime gamers could ignore crappy anime games like I ignore crappy movie based games, the masses would be forced to make good anime and movie based games, or lose loads of cash.

Story: 0.5 / 10 (Not a Factor)
Graphics: 4.5 / 10
Sound: 4 / 10
Gameplay: 1.5 / 10

Overall: 3 / 10 (rounds down)

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 01/13/06, Updated 07/24/06