Gekibo

"Pernicious pictorials to publicize perverted persons, prose pending."

Meet David Goldman, aspiring photographer and depraved American freak. Though he's always up for quiet walks by the seashore or squeezing his face in between a pair of ample bosoms, Dave's favorite pastime is probably a bit less familiar to most of you [gents] out there. The young man's mission in life? To set out into this wonderful world of ours and capture the sickest, most distasteful situations imaginable solely for his professor's own twisted amusement! Not that I blame him or anything; honestly, who wants to see a boring snapshot of some chick walking a tightrope? Now, a quick pic of her falling from the tightrope – that's photojournalism!

Thus while it's no pulse-pounding shoot ‘em up, nor a masterful action platformer – not even an RPG with steamy shower scenes – GEKISHA BOY (also commonly known as Gekibo, Photograph Boy, or “what in the [freaking heck] are you playing!?”) isn't an experience you're likely to forget. Don't look at me like that, it's not a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination when one considers its inventive premise, rigid challenge, vibrant graphics . . . but mostly the hearty helping of smut!

Yes, in an eccentric world where UFOs leisurely float across the horizon alongside the odd caped superhero, you certainly won't be disappointed. With the screen scrolling forward automatically, it's your job to move David and his camera's crosshairs into position to capture all sorts of disreputable scenarios on film before they can slip away, each worth a certain number of points based on its potential hilarity. Sometimes they'll only be a bit embarrassing, like the businessman slipping on a banana peel, but just as often you'll discover a jet unexpectedly crashing into flaming ruin. And while it is true that the PC Engine is practically older than dirt, the lurid cartoon-like visuals are most impressive with their demented scenery and outrageous character designs. Take our little shutterbug himself, who sports an ominously leering grin plastered right under his bulbous nose, or the mildly racist depictions of various ethnicities – or the countless appearances of celebrities who would probably file venomous litigation if they only knew. Of course, even your encounter with Marilyn Monroe and a predictably-placed gust of steam is no match for the suspicious looking man wearing lipstick and a five o'clock shadow, a man who suddenly pulls open his trenchcoat and bares the sinister underworld of his nether regions! Better turn your eyes skyward, where you'll merely glimpse a figure tumble out of its hot air balloon, and a struggling woman tied to the back of a rocket as it slowly lifts off into the stratosphere.

Naturally David starts each level with a limited amount of film, but snapping a picture of something strange in the neighborhood will earn him an extra roll or two – so just relax and start shooting it all over the place! (Don't worry about the mess.) Of course that alone would make things pretty simple, so every scene is also crawling with diverse hazards to avoid; everything from a trio of balls (of the rubber variety, thankfully) bouncing towards you and flowerpots hurtling down from above, to leathery claws reaching out from the earth with murderous intent! Every time you're clonked by one of these dangers you'll not only lose precious film, but find yourself temporarily blinded and stumbling forth in a pained daze complete with stars dancing around your misshapen head – probably missing out on some really good [stuff] in the meantime!

This is more significant than you might expect, because you're not merely attempting to reach the end of the level; the only way to successfully finish any of them is to exceed an ever-increasing goal of points. Moreover, each stage has a specific target (as indicated by your professor) that's worth a huge bonus and all but mandatory. Sure, you can technically slip by even if you miss it, but you'd have pull out an otherwise perfect performance and you'd still probably come up short in the end, sort of like with women and . . . nevermind. Fortunately the game supplies unlimited continues, so you can always try again after blowing it like a White House intern – and while's there isn't any password system to save your progress, a simple cheat code will let you begin on any round you like.

Which is a damn good thing, because rigorous memorization is ultimately the key to ever finishing this game. You'll be replaying the levels an awful lot, as it's exceedingly easy to miss nearly all the sweet, sweet filth during your early attempts. Many potential targets – like a flying DeLorean that instantly streaks through the sky without warning – will only offer up a few precious seconds to catch them in time; with everything going on you often have to know what's coming before it even appears. In a pinch, photographing a hazard in your path will make it disappear, which is practically worthless point-wise but definitely comes in handy as the later levels are literally swarming with them from top to bottom. It's not that Dave has a health bar or anything, but should you ever completely exhaust his supply of film by taking constant damage, the level will end pretty much instantly. Unsurprisingly, navigating through numerous obstacles while simultaneously attempting to move your crosshair over the good photo ops can make things accordingly frustrating – especially given the screen's automatic scrolling and that the jumping is a bit stiff. Well, it's actually more of an ungainly “sproing!”, sort of like the contents of one's pants when . . . nevermind.

Therefore it's likewise a damn good thing that the game yields so much satisfaction! The eight rounds take you far and wide, from deep beneath the sea to a little frontier justice in the wild west, but for a perfect sampling of the abundant offensive material and blatant copyright violations to be found, we need only take a peek at the second level. Strolling alongside dirty walls liberally spray-painted with the words ‘KILL' and ‘[vulgar slang indicating the act of intercourse],' you'll find yourself down in the ghetto surrounded by (gasp) Negroes! When he's not too busy aiming at windows to snag an unsuspecting lass partially clad in jeans and a brassiere who quite understandably lets out a surprised “kya!”, our hero nonchalantly passes by such everyday sights as Spiderman and King Kong to snap shots of white silken panties as they delicately waft through the air. Yet while it's always nice to stop and smell the underthings, don't neglect to take in the vehicular homicide, brawling drunks, dolled-up prostitutes, and famous [singer] Michael Jackson – who quickly flees in terror after you take his picture with your meanie racist camera, naturally.

There's certainly much more to be seen, like a hot day at the beach taking in the wonders of hungry sea monsters, fatal shipwrecks, and the firm backside of a young blonde (with no tan lines) whose towel has a disconcerting tendency to slip from her shoulders . . . but no doubt you'll want to discover the rest for yourselves. That said, I'd hate to overlook mentioning the horror shoot: a ghastly cemetery that teems with rotting zombies, head-twisting ghouls – and Michael Jackson, out for revenge!

But like many a famous PC Engine game, there's the not-so-little matter of price to consider – don't expect to pay any less than $50 for a complete original copy, which may be a bit too massive for some of you to swallow. But don't choke on it just yet; there's barely any Japanese text to be found, so anyone can easily thrust themselves right into it without any difficulty! Perhaps knowing what your objectives actually are ahead of time might seem kind of important, but you should be taking pictures of virtually everything that looks weird anyway, right? There's even a passably English translation floating around as well, but that would probably require you to download a ROM or something from the INTERNET (oh, horror!), and it's a well-known fact that stealing ancient video games off of porn-soaked websites causes your [man unit] to shrink. I realize you diminutive folks can't afford to lose anything as it is, so you'll be thrilled to know that there's a mostly identical budget version of Gekibo on the Japanese PlayStation (rechristened ‘The Cameraman') in addition to a full-fledged sequel for the PS2! Surprisingly enough, that last one was even localised for the UK as ‘Polaroid Pete', proving once and for all that Europe is little more than a bunch of thong-sniffing weirdoes. Uh, I mean . . . [really nice blokes].

So don't waste my time with any sniveling excuses for missing out on this action unless you're a total weenie. Trust me, despite its somewhat awkward controls and memorization hijinks, this card's unique aspects outshine them like a greasy nerd with bad hair slouching next to a hulking Roman centurion! In short, Photograph Boy is offensive, sadistic, and downright crude – so do whatever it takes to play it, even if it means mugging your grandma for spare change.

The old [dear] has it coming.

Reviewer's Score: 8/10, Originally Posted: 06/13/04