Wii Play

"You have to figure it's like this... $49.99 = $1.11 per minigame!"

Minigame.

One of the most-used words associated with the Wii by all standards. And that's not bad, considering some of the other titles on the Wii. Rayman, Mario Party, Wii Sports, WarioWare. Can't complain about those games.

But Wii Play...
Well, it's been a top seller for a long while. And why not? It comes with a FREE WII REMOTE!

As the tagline for this review states, you have to figure it's like this. Pay $40 for the remote, and you spend $1.11 on each minigame. Takes a bit of the sting out of it, but to me, that's about $1.10 more than I would have been willing to pay. I felt as though I had been scammed when I bought Wii Play. I hope the following paragraphs steer you in the right direction. I'll go into detail for each of the 9 components that make up this abysmal excuse for a game.


1) Shooting Range

Remember "Duck Hunt" for the NES? It's only been 20+ years. Welcome to the new version. Point, then press either the A or B button to shoot the various targets that appear on the screen. Some of which are actually kind of funny - like the little spaceships that try to abduct your Mii. On the last couple of levels, things pick up and get more hectic, but overall, it's a pretty shallow minigame that loses its luster after about 45 minutes.

2) Find Mii

"Where's Waldo with a time limit" sums this game up. Pick the correct Mii or Miis from the crowd on the screen before time expires. If you pick the right Mii, more time is added, and if you choose the wrong Mii, time is deducted. You'll usually have to find look-alikes. Starting out, it can be a bit challenging, but after a half hour or so, it boils down to a repetitive - and therefore boring waste of time.

3) Table Tennis

In no way, shape, or form can this game be considered "fun." Not like in Wii Sports' Tennis minigame, where the characters move for you and you swing the remote to emulate the tennis racket. Wii Play's Table Tennis automatically swings for you. You just press A to serve the ball and point the remote at the screen to volley the ball back. What sucks about this minigame is the fact that the computer will never lose. Your only goal is to get as many rallies as you can. Technically, you can't win. 15 minutes of fun. And that's pushing it.

4) Pose Mii

A weird kind of minigame that requires you to twist the Wii Remote and press the A and B buttons to pose your Mii in the correct position. Silhouettes will appear on the screen that show you which pose to strike. If three bubbles fall off the screen, it's game over. It's a very limited minigame that doesn't have any sort of lasting appeal. Moving on...

5) Laser Hockey

Duck Hunt goes back at least 20 years. PONG goes back well over 30. But now it's equipped with bright fluorescent colors and you can tilt the paddle, or even switch to a round paddle before the game starts. 2 player mode is the only kind of redeeming quality to this minigame. Pong had such a mesmerizing quality to it, and the flashy colors in this rendition seem to make the nostalgia all the better. But when I say mesmerizing, please don't confuse that with the word "fun." There's a difference between being "entertained" and being "spaced out."

6) Billiards

Finally!!! A cool minigame...for a while. Billiards actually provides decent challenge, as you may need to put backspin or topspin on the ball for your next shot. The physics in this minigame are well done and the 2 player mode is great as well. My only gripe is that there is only one mode of play. Where you must strike the ball with the lowest number first. This minigame will keep you entertained for about an hour if you're playing alone, but against a friend, it's actually not half bad. Billiards is one of the few redeeming qualities of Wii Play.

7) Fishing

Wow. Just...wow. If this minigame doesn't make you want to stab yourself in the face with a pair of scissors, nothing will. As if the bland gameplay wasn't enough, we get a cartoonish looking paper version of fishing. Thanks...but when it comes to a fishing minigame, I'll stick with the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and Twilight Princess. Two fishing minigames that are well done, and besides - you get a whole 30+ hour game as well on top of that!
Fishing requires nothing more than luck, and a quick flick of the wrist to land a fish. Earn as many points as you can before the time runs out. 2 player mode doesn't even come close to adding any replay value to this minigame. If you spend 20 minutes playing this, it's 19 minutes and 59 seconds too much.

8) Charge!

I have to admit, the concept to this minigame brought a grin to my face. Riding atop a cow, your Mii must steer the bovine companion to stampede over scarecrows that pop up along the course. Quickly jerking the Wii Remote upwards will make your cow jump over obstacles that get in the way. The motion controls are well done in this, where you must hold the remote on it's side and tilt it forward and backwards to go faster or brake respectively. The problem is...there is only one course to play on. And once you get a perfect score (which took me only 5-6 attempts) you've beaten everything this minigame has to offer. All you can do after that is try to do what you did before...only faster. Sucks.

9) Tanks!

Ahh, the other small redeeming quality to Wii Play. Interestingly enough, Tanks! (yes, with a !) is the only minigame that you can use the Nunchuck attachment for. Which is much better than using the Wii Remote alone - trust me. Your objective is to destroy the other tanks on the screen. You can do this by shooting missiles, or laying mines. Later levels in the game introduce more difficult enemy tanks. Like ones that shoot faster missiles, or move faster than you can. Enemy tanks that lay mines also appear. It's a pretty good strategy minigame that remains as the only one that I have spent over an hour and a half playing at a crack.

Overall, the downsides for this game more than drown out any factors that make it enjoyable. Billiards and Tanks! DO get boring after a while - because those minigames are just that...minigames. That...and the fact that most, if not all of the minigames could have been done with the graphics potential you'd expect from the Nintendo 64. Hey...Duck Hunt was done on the 8bit NES. Give me a break here. Sure, this is only a tech demo, but it doesn't warrant a $50 price tag. In my personal opinion, this game would have been better off if it was also packed in with the system along with Wii Sports.

Believe me when I say that you're better off buying another Wii Remote for $40 and spending that extra $10 on a game or two in the Virtual Console.

The only reason I'm giving Wii Play a score higher than a 1 is because it comes with a Wii Remote. Other than that...calling this game "horrible" would be giving it a compliment.

Wii Play is a bucket full of garbage water. You know what I'm talking about...
That murky gray-ish brown liquid that settles at the bottom of a public trash bin.
It's what's discarded from the things that we discard.
The excrement of filth.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 04/14/08

Game Release: Wii Play (With Remote) (US, 02/12/07)