Dead or Alive 3

"So Dumb And Pretty, It's Sure To Be Popular"

I'm a pretty big fan of the 'Dead or Alive' series, so I was pretty excited to see the series continue on the powerful X-Box. The preview videos were jaw-droppingly gorgeous, and everything looked to be going smoothly. Sure, the X-Box controller was a hardcore gamer's nightmare, but I'd get used to it, right?
Sadly, the gargantuan X-Box controller isn't the worst of the problems in 'Dead or Alive 3.' The series seems to have hit a brick wall in terms of innovation, and the fighting engine's slight problems remain. One gets the impression that the developers just wanted to get the game's amazing graphics down pat, and then let those sell the game. Which, of course, they undoubtedly have. If it's one thing that X-Box owners love, it's pretty pictures, and stuff that looks like stuff in real life. The fighting action is pretty much carbon-copied from 'Dead or Alive 2,' which isn't so bad for those who've never played that game before, but rather annoying for those of us who already own it and have played it half to death. Non-innovative games with rockin' graphics? It's the X-Box way, baby!
The ''story'' behind 'Dead or Alive 3' is the usual fare for the series. Big-breasted girls (and a few guys) are going to slug each other, until one of them goes to fight a cheesy boss, and getting a bizarre, pointless ending video as a reward for their victory. Due to a lack of effort, zero cohesion, and dicey translation, any actual plot will pass by unnoticed; a total mystery to the player. I think Hitomi's Dad is some warrior guy, and Kasumi is related to one of the other fighter dudes. And she was cloned, I think. I dunno. Does anyone really care? Ryu, as usual, thinks he's in 'Ninja Gaiden 6.' Bass is annoyed with his skanky daughter Tina again, which was funny the first time, but it's an angle that now has worn out its welcome. Let's face it; this cast of characters makes the 'Street Fighter' gang seem deep and well-developed.
The new characters are a mixed bag. Hitomi is notable in that she shows off her stomach more than her cleavage, which I guess is variety of a sort. Christie is more in the 'Dead or Alive' tradition, in that she wants to be taken seriously as a fighter, while at the same time, she wears a horribly gaudy outfit that draws an awful lot of attention to her monstrous chest. Which, considering what her hair looks like, is probably a good idea. There's also a drunk guy named Brad who's a lot of fun to watch, and play as. He's definitely a good addition; the other two girls are just fresh new flesh to ogle. Hey, I like young midriff as much as the next pervert, but it ain't worth fifty bucks, you know?
Yes, needless to say, this game has your daily dose of bouncing chests and gratuitous underwear shots. I'm not sure where the fighters of 'Dead or Alive' shop, but it must be quite a place. Kasumi is still wearing what appear to be Victoria's Secret Ninja Pajamas, which are designed to maximize the amout of time her panties are visible to the surrounding audience. Ayane still has her giant bow on, making her look like some sort of demented birthday present for a wealthy old pervert. And Tina... dear me, Tina... she looks like some renegade road trash from a mid-80's heavy metal hair band video. Christie's hideous ensembles have already been mentioned, and better yet, she gives the fanboys what they want and shows off a little harmless nudity in her ending video. Will Lara Croft up the ante in 'Tomb Raider 18?' Only time will tell. Still, despite the awful costuming, digital babe-hounds will eat this game up with a spoon. Hey, there's no shame in digging animated video game girls. You're into Helena, your jock buddy is into Britney Spears... neither one of you will ever land the girl of your dreams, so what's the difference? Still, for you youngsters out there, listen up: real women don't look like the girls of 'Dead or Alive.' So don't go expecting that nice girl from your geometry class to have a tiny waist, 44DD breasts, and dress like an actress from a pornographic kung fu movie, okay?
The fighting is as solid as it was in 'Dead or Alive 2,' mostly 'cause it's the same darn thing. The swift action, multi-level environments, and decent move variety make for some fine fisticuffs. Sadly, the easy-to-perform counters haven't been toned down, making a purely defensive strategy a bit too powerful. Since counters are incredibly damaging, you might become paranoid about attacking your foe, for fear of a mighty rebuttal. Better make sure to come from all angles, kiddo, and keep your opponent guessing. It's a pretty good 3-D fighter; not quite the masterpiece that 'SoulCalibur' is, but hey, what is?
As I noted earlier, the X-Box controller is poorly designed for fighting games. (To be honest, it's just poorly designed in general.) The button layout can lead to a lot of accidental inputting, and the size of the controller can lead to discomfort over time, which spells doom for those marathon player-versus-player sessions that we all know and love. Hopefully, a third-party controller (or an imported Japanese one) will help ease the pain.
But where's the startling innovation? Or at the very least, something new and exciting? The game's designer promised the fighting game equivalent of the apocalypse, but instead, he delivered a pretty paint job, a drunk guy, and two fresh pieces of female meat. Oh, and the lamest, most uninteresting final boss in recent fighting game memory. I won't even go into detail; both for fear of spoiling the game for you, and because it hurts my brain when I try to remember it.
The game has amazing graphics, but there are some problems. The background environments are almost photo-realistic at times, but the fighters themselves (while very detailed) look very cartoonish and video game-ish, which can make for an odd contrast. Realism does nothing for me, since if I wanted realistic trees, I'd go outside and, you know, look at an actual tree. But there are still people that want video games to look like real stuff, so they may be put off by the vibrant, colorful, animation-style folks in 'Dead or Alive 3.' But what could the designers do, really? Video-capture a real-life Kasumi? I'd love to see a casting call for female teenage ninjas with hourglass figures. It's a DVD extra feature that's just waiting to happen. The characters still move a bit awkwardly, but in terms of detail and sheer beauty, this game is a technical achievement no matter how you slice it.
The music is the usual inoffensive fighting game noise. There are some Aerosmith songs spliced into the game, in a shameless attempt to capture that highly profitable 'Dead or Alive-and-Aerosmith fanboy' audience. I mean, what hardcore 'Dead or Alive' fan hasn't dreamed about destroying his foes to the strains of 'Love In An Elevator?' The sound effects are the usual kicks, grunts, sighs, and what have you.
It's odd. This game seems to have high production values, but there's a lot of sloppiness as well. There's very little to unlock, other than a few bonus costumes. And the game's ending movies for each character are bizarre, short little film clips that offer no insight to the character's motives or plans. Most of them seem entirely unrelated to the tournament, to be honest. What purpose they serve is a mystery to me.
''Kids! This is what happens when games are rushed to meet a launch date!''
This game is just another over-hyped title with not enough meat to back up the buzz. There are very few options to fiddle with, only a few play modes, and a highly suspect artificial intelligence. Most reviewers and indiscriminate gamers gave this game high marks 'cause of the pretty pictures, but it's just 'Dead or Alive 2' with a graphic overhaul. (Many thanks to Gamespot.com and X-Box Nation for having the guts to speak the hard truth about this game.) I loved 'Dead or Alive 2,' but for fifty bucks, I need more in a sequel. Tecmo would be wise to spend less of their resources on trash-talking marketing campaigns, and more time and money on doing something new and useful with their flagship fighting dynasty.
Still, if you've never played 'Dead or Alive 2,' this game will seem amazingly original to you, and you'll probably love it. And since it's the only fighting game for the X-Box right now, you're rather low on options if you want a 3-D brawler. (Unless you count 'Kabuki Warriors,' but who does?) I'd rent this game, definitely, if only to see the power of the X-Box in full effect. But buy at your own risk.
On a final note... I love the blurb on the back of the game box:

''All past fighting games were prologue. 'Dead or Alive 3 is the future.'' - Newsweek

Oh really? I wonder if the author of the quote has even played 'Dead or Alive 3.' Of course, anyone who gets their gaming information from Newsweek deserves what they get.

Reviewer's Score: 6/10, Originally Posted: 02/21/02, Updated 02/21/02