Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance

"Mortally Wounded."

This may be one of the most painful reviews I've ever had to write. I was looking VERY forward to this game, I followed every bit of the developmental process that I could, I waited with such anticipation for this, what everyone was claiming was FINALLY another MK done RIGHT. Well, now I finally have the game, and, as usual...everyone was wrong. Sigh. Let's just get this over with.

By now, you all should know the deal with Mortal Kombat. Earthrealm vs Outworld, each sends their finest warriors, they battle in a tournament to the death, etc etc. For the past 4 tournaments, Liu Kang has been able to save Earth by defeating the forces of evil. Well, uh, he won't be doing it this time, because he's not in the game. Neither is Goro or Shao Khan. Great plan, guys, lets kill off two of our most recognizeable faces during the opening cinema (Hence why this isn't a spoiler, you find out 2 seconds after turning on your console). Oh well, Johnny Cage died before too, and he came back. So anyway, Shang Tsung and the villian that no one cares about, boring ol' Quan Chi team up to revive a mummified army of ancient soldiers or some such nonsense and take over the world. So that troublemaker Raiden comes back to gather the troops and once again take them into Mortal Kombat.

But how does this game stack up to the others? Well....read on, my friend...read on.

Graphics: 7/10

Yes, they're pretty, in some cases very pretty. The backgrounds are gorgeous, and I truly appreciate the jiggleness in newcomer Li Mei. But there are some BIG problems that no one is seeming to pick up on. One GLARING flaw that stands WAY out...those characters who have fatalaties involving tearing/punching/kicking into someone's body, usually the chest cavity...why is it when they withdraw, THERE'S NO HOLE IN THE CHEST?! COME ON NOW! This is the friggin' X-BOX! SURELY you can show an entry wound, and not just the obscene amounts of blood and generic looking organs! Also, another highly toted feature is that the characters' faces show damage and bruises as the fight progresses....yes, the same bruising every match, no matter if you attack their face, body, or legs. Genius, guys, really. And what the HELL is with still pictures during the endings, and no videos? Not to mention that every character also seems to have the same win poses...just lazy work here, guys.

Sound: 4/10

Alright, listen. Maybe this is a bit picky, but, from what I can tell so far....every male character in the game has the same voice actor, and so does every female. Why do Johnny Cage and Scorpion have the EXACT SAME VOICES and battle cries? Sonya and Li Mei sound pretty damn similar...there's hardly any voice at all, just screams, yells, and jibberish. Impact sounds are alright, but the background music, if there is any, is so forgetable I REALLY wonder why the custom soundtrack feature wasn't available for this game.

Control: 5/10

Again, problems, and lots of them. Unfortunately, some Killer Instinct fanboy idiot decided this game should be 100% dependant on STUPID ASS COMBOS REQUIRING YOU TO PAUSE THE GAME EVERY TWO SECONDS TO LOOK AT THE MOVE LIST, OR WRITE THIS CRAP DOWN AND STUDY IT! It's REALLY lame. Especially when you consider how unresponsive the buttons can be during said combos. And this brings me to another one of MK's trademark flaws...the block button is just as annoying and needless as it was back in the very first incarnation of this beast. Especially when you consider the computer manages to pretty much block everything you do, but, more on that later. However, one thing I do appreciate is the ''Fatality'' battle stance, that holds your character still as you imput the button combination.

Story: 5/10

I already went over this in the introduction, and as you could possibly already tell, its boring and generic. As usual, Shang Tsung and another bad guy are trying to take over Earthrealm. Classic, guys, really. As usual, there's a big monster-type thing you have to fight before you fight them. Lovely!

Is It Mortal Kombat?: 7/10.

Well here's the thing. A lot of things in this game have been changed, and a LOT has stayed the same...unfortunately, THEY CHANGED WHAT SHOULD HAVE STAYED, AND DIDNT CHANGE WHAT NEEDS IT! For instance, a lot of your character's favorite moves? Gone. Such as...Scorpion's teleport punch, replaced by a useless flash kick wannabe, Sub-Zero's floor/sky ice, Sonya's square wave flight punch, SHANG TSUNG'S MORPHS (Yep, he doesn't do THAT at all anymore), Raiden's torpedo, Kano's knife throw...any long time MK fan will be seriously pissed about this. As I stated, the damnable block button is still in full effect, but the Run button is nowhere to be found. Animalities, friendships, babalities and brutalities are all gone, but that might be a good thing depending on your taste...and, oh yeah, ONE FATALITY PER CHARACTER, and NO stage fatality. That might have been alright, if the fatalities were especially memorable or awe-inspiring, a la MK 1, such as Kano's heart rip and Sub Zero's spine removal....but alas, it's not the case, as this one boasts some really lame finishers. And as previously stated, this game features a big monster you've got to beat before facing Tsung and Chi, in the mold of Goro, Kintaro, Motaro, etc...only this one is lame as hell, to be honest, and very very very cheap. For instance, Scorpion's spear and Sub Zero's ice each have no effect on him....and he has a VERY lame move of just inhailing deeply and drawing you towards him, which...injures you badly. And speaking of new characters, most of the new playable ones, VERY lame. Bo Rai Cho in particular I wish nothing but death upon. Big fatass duck.But I think the rest of my review needs to be summed up in the following catagory, the...

GODDAMN THIS CHEATING GAME FACTOR: 10/10

That's right it earns a 10. Here's why. In the old MK tradition, just when you get a little comfortable and start doing alright for yourself, the computer says ''Nah'' and rapes you 20 fights in a row with no chance for victory. The computer will block everything and you will avoid NOTHING. And please, don't bother picking Scorpion, ever. The computer will just avoid his spear, but you'll be stuck standing there with your arm out like you hit them for like 5 seconds. Kano is equally useless. If the computer blocks his eye laser when it first hits, then can unblock and start walking towards you, continuing to take the laser in the chest with NO DAMAGE WHATSOEVER! Again, I DESPISE this emphasis on combos, because I never was one of those nerdy kids with no friends who sits at the arcade all day practicing them. They're cheap, and I dont like them, and its what this game was built around. This game just has the most rampant CPU cheating I've ever seen, and thats really all I've got to say about that.

I guess that'll do it. Buy it if you still want to, but I DEFINITELY advise a rental first....please? Oh, whats the use, you damn kids today....

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 04/08/03, Updated 04/08/03