Outlaw Volleyball

"This game will make you want to break things..."

Graphics - 7/10 - The graphics are excellent. In profile you can zoom in to a character's face and see how detailed the models are. The character animations are also top-notch. I would give this game a 9/10 for the character models alone. However, in actual gameplay there are way too many slowdowns. In one match you will experience at least fifteen slowdowns - not huge slowdowns, but small ones, like five to ten frames or so. These small slowdowns won't exactly kill this game, but they are annoying nonetheless. This ain't a huge rpg world where slowdowns are forgiveable, no, this is a sports game and I want steady frame rates throughout the matches. Capiche?

Sound - 8/10 - The voice acting is very well done. The announcer has a few good lines here and there too. However, trust me on this, you will turn off the announcer's voice by the time you get to the sixth venue. The announcer will become so friggin' annoying and repetitious that you will want to find his address and plant a baseball bat in his nose. The music is horrible. The music 'quality' is good, but the actual 'music' is horrible. I mean who are these guys I'm listening to? They suck! Trust me on this too, you will turn off the music eventually. But like I said before, the voice acting is very good.

Controls - 7/10 - The controls are solid. I like how if you hold the A button then your character will sorta zoom in on the target. However, this will also work against you. You're so used to getting super-spiked on that you will usually jam the A button as soon as your opponent spikes the ball - this will usually net good results. However, when the cheapass computer wants to spike the ball at a ridiculous angle that's almost parallel with the net and you jam that A button then your dumbass character will stand there with his arms above his head since the ball is too far away. What? What's that? You want me to stand closer to the net next time? Oh perfect, the ball just got spiked in the far corner of my side. Thanks for the advice. You will know what it's like to ''whiff'' the ball once you experience it (for the hundredth time). Trust me, you will whiff the ball so many times that you will want to smash open your Xbox with the head of one of the game developers.

Gameplay - 5/10 - Okay, this is where you turn green and smash everything around you. The actual gameplay is quite solid, but it's the other things that are so damn annoying - the computer opponents, your computer partner, and multiplayer mode. The computer opponents - don't give me that ''the game is too easy'' crap, I bet you're only on the third venue - get harder and harder as you beat more of the tour mode. Once you beat about 80% of the tour mode then the computer gets frustratingly difficult. Let me rephrase that - the computer isn't exactly ''difficult'' but it's frustrating as hell. Why? Because to score a single point you have to sit there for three minutes wearing down your opponents while hoping upon hope that there is a small opening - trust me, there won't be many. Now there's a small thing called Side Out. It only lets you score a point when you're serving... Remember what I said about three minutes for a point? Well with Side Out a single match will last about an hour and a half. What do you get as a reward? A friggin' new texture for one of your three outfits. Gee whiz. Like I said before, beat at least 75% of the tour mode and then you will see. As for your computer partner - you will hate him/her. You will want to kill him/her. You will want to kill his/her entire family. I know, I know, they're not real, they're not real... Your computer partner is the stupidest piece of AI trash ever. Argh! I can feel a blood vein pumping on my forehead... Okay, so it's not 'that' bad. But ever heard of that saying ''it takes ten positive experiences to negate a single negative one'' or something like that. Well the stupid mistakes that your computer partner will make are so absolutely god forbid horrible, that a thousand positive experiences won't make up for them. And do not make me get into Hot Potato mode...

Multiplayer - Yeah, the same score as Gameplay but I'm separating the two for your reading convenience (gee, am I considerate or what?). Remember what I said about three minutes for a point? Sure you do, it's my second time saying it. Well, forget about the three minutes. Now it takes ten minutes to score a point. I've beaten about 95% of tour mode (as frustrating as it was) and played the hell out of Live so far. There are still tons of newbies out there, but wait till you are evenly matched. The matches will go on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever... Think of it like this - you're playing Street Fighter 2 with a bud, both of you are Ryu, both of your controllers are broken so you cannot jump or move forward, so all you can do is throw hadoken after hadoken, and 'both' of you are experts at throwing hadokens. Argh! Just thinking about that gives me brain cramps. What scares me is that in a few weeks everyone will know how to play. Just how damn exciting do you think the matches will get? Yes, that was sarcasm, you genius, you.

Final (this is not an average) - 5/10 - The white scratch on my disc (as well as everyone else's who got the game on the release day - gee, I wonder what Vivendi and Hypnotix will do for dedicated fans on their next game) did not increase or decrease the score, but it sucks to me as a game collector. I'll be wary of games by Vivendi and Hypnotix from now on - not saying that I won't buy them, but I'll just wait a few weeks or so. I probably would have given the game a 6/10 if the selection of swimsuits and other unlockables weren't so lame. The unlockables are lame indeed. The ''new'' swimsuits are just different textures of the three outfits you already have. Some are cool (like Clem's sumo texture, Doe Joe's ninja texture, or Summer's seethrough texture), but most are lame. The minigames aren't bad... but Fantastic Frenzy will have you ripping your hair out. Anyway, get this game if you want (with the scratch and all) but don't get it if you have anger management problems like myself.

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 07/11/03, Updated 07/11/03