DRIV3R

"DRIV3R!! YEA.... oh wait, nevermind"

Introduction:

It all began a few weeks ago, I was at the mall with some friends, looking through the EB for a good game, since it had been a while since my last purchase. Being friends with the employees at the store, we shared some witty banter, then I proceeded to buy this game. Now, normally when I get a new game, I read reviews, or wait for it to be reviewed on Xplay, but with this game I didn't think I need to wait for all that. Driver and Driver 2 were excellent games, and, believing that the only people who could kill a trilogy were the murderers behind the Matrix: Revolutions, I decided to get it. That's where I went wrong.

Story:

Simple- there isn't one. You run around and do nothing.

Gameplay:

Well, let me just say that if you want a "game" by most standards, go get GTA3... or even GTA. The controlling in this game is terrible. Tanner has the physical abilities of Christopher Reeves, and the way he drives a car is comparable to my 84 year old grandmother. Not to mention the fact that he can't jump, except for that little fairy skip thing he does. As far as the shooting goes, don't even bother trying; you won't hit anything. Tanner has the marksmanship of a 3 year old, and even at a range of about one inch sometimes you can unload a whole clip and not hit the guy you're shooting at.

Sound:

Let me put it this way, if you like listening to "dooooooodeeeeoooooooooodededoooooooooooooodadooooo" the whole time you're playing, then you'll love the music. The cars all sound alike, which, to some people, might be a good thing, I suppose. Now, to me, when a man is running around on the streets with a gun and is stealing cars, people would do a bit more than run to the side of the road or say "he's got a gun" with the enthusiasm of someone getting ready for heart surgery.

Graphics:

Ok, I will give it this much: The cutscenes look good and the cars are excellent. That's the only praise this game will ever get from me. The models for the people are terrible, its the same 3 people all over town, and even Tanner looks like a Muppet or something.

Conclusion:

DO NOT waste your time and money on this game. This game isn't even worthy of a rental, and if you've made the mistake of renting it, tell those Blockbusting losers to give you your five bucks back, or whatever it costs. The thing that really amazes me about this is the fact that Atari/Reflections actually had the nerve to sell their customers dog crap. That's right, the disc isn't even plastic. Well, I shouldn't say that, it was when I put it into my Xbox, but somehow they've found a way to cause plastic to transform. See, when I finished reassembling my brain and getting it back into my head after the first ten minutes of playing, I decided to remove the disc, but to my surprise, all that was in the tray was a steamy pile of crap. So, unless you enjoy playing with pre-packaged feces, I would severely recommend that you stay away from this atrocity.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 07/19/04