Ninja Gaiden

"Ninja Naughtiness"

Our loyal ninja Ryu has been slaying countless foes since his days on the NES. Assassinating drunken men in bar brawls and saving well-endowed damsels in distress is nothing more than a daily occurrence for our hero. However, this was all too much for our friend; he had to take a break from all the action and went on a long vacation. During his departure he practiced some new moves and started taking luxurious ninja cruises across the seas.

One day, the immoral Microsoft contacted Ryu and offered him lots of money to come back and fight the world's newest terror. Ryu said no, so Mircosoft ended up buying his house, car and falcon. Our loyal ninja cried (even though ninjas aren't suppose to cry) when he saw his belongings for sale on eBay. A new Ryu, instilled with anger, joined with Team NINJA to create a new adventure. This new adventure, entitled Ninja Gaiden, introduced Ryu to the gaming masses again. More importantly, it kicked a lot of ass in the process.

Ryu starts off at the bottom of a canyon in some cheap ninja outfit. He runs quickly across the ground without being heard. Ryu loves to run around a lot for some reason; it's his main way to travel in Ninja Gaiden. I'd imagine you didn't want to be ninja-like you could be loud. Make a scene by jumping up and down around enemies. After you made your scene, you can run away from whatever raucous you created because Ryu is a fast ninja. You can also jump from walls now. In case the running gets boring, you can always just start running on the walls for a short period of time. Of course, this had its own strategic advantages. Running off the walls will allow you make your way over large gaps that show up early in the game. Using these moves effectively will prove to make your time fighting a lot easier.

If you thought those were all the jumps Ninja Gaiden offered, then you're wrong. Our loyal ninja can do multiple jumps off of ledges to reach areas not accessible by foot. In case making your way up ledges via jumping isn't your thing, you can always just scale the walls with your feet. There are too many things Ryu can do with his feet. Yes, he can do whatever naughty thing just entered your mind.

As you could've guessed, there are things that Ryu can do that don't involve using his feet, such as wielding weapons of great power. He starts off with a dragon blade with some weak combos. The combos sort of add sub-genre into the game, making it a fighting game to an extent. However, unlike a fighting game, you can use the same combos to kill mostly everything. They have a few prominent combos, the others are just a waste of time. You'll be using one called “Flying Swallow” a lot more than any other. This technique is where Ryu flies through the air at great speeds and decapitates the enemy. Yes, you read right, he decapitates the enemy.

Ninja Gaiden has a lot of head-rolling. Monsters that dare get in the way of our feared ninja will find their heads on the ground in a matter of seconds. Well, this isn't always the case, since later in the game you get killed in a few hits. For anyone that'd be worried the difficulty of the first incarnations of the series on the NES would be left out here, you worries are quelled. The difficulty can be very hard at times; I found myself throwing the control a few times later in the game when you meet the most annoying of all creatures: the dead fish. Behold young reader, a monster that can get its friends to kill you in ONE hit, making you start back much earlier at a save point. This had me angry a lot, stupid game. But that's the only enemy that got me angry during the whole game. Ninja Gaiden isn't insanely cheap and they don't use the same monster model with another color palette to much. I can give you a long list of the best series out today that end up using the same monster at least a 20 times throughout the game. Almost every level in Ninja Gaiden features a new monster that you haven't seen. On a sewer level, you jump into the water only to be eaten up by a huge, mutated monstrosity that preys on young, unscrupulous ninjas.

Other monsters prey on unscrupulous ninjas as well, especially the bosses. The bosses have a thing for eating ninjas. A castrated, abominable monster covered in white hair will make a quick snack out of you if that get too close to this mouth. Electrified worms in underground water systems eat ninjas too. Ninjas end up on everyone's menu. If you're not fast on your feet (and you know you should be, being an ninja and all) you'll fall quickly to each of the game's bosses. Just like back in the NES days, there are patterns that must be exposed before you can take down any boss in the game. Skeleton dragons, who seem almost unbeatable, have a weakness in their toes. Overweight cyborgs don't like getting their head cut at by a flying blade.

As I mentioned earlier, there are combos for the dragon blade, but there are also other weapons. You see, there are nunchaku that allow you to an infinite combo. You can also spend money, called essence, to upgrade them. You can do this with every weapon the game. As you advance their power, you'll be able to perform more combos. There are weapons that can only be unlocked by laborious upgrading. The Unlabored Flawlessness comes to mind, as you're only able to get to its final form by blowing over 100,000 essence. That's over 1000 kills of enemies, which is a lot. This gives the hardcore something to do when they beat the game the first time. This gives the player a new level of depth not found often in action games. You're allowed to level up your weapons and have a myriad of combos at your disposal. There are even more weapons, such as war hammers and soul blades that allow you to bring the even more hurt to your opponent.

Our ninja has to have friends, too. His loyal follower Ayane is here to help him out incase he needs a clue or two during the adventure. She is cute so everyone listens to her advice and her cleavage is always in your face. She throws shirukens with a purple flower and note attached. Inside the note usually has a tip that'll help you out later in the level. Others just talk inform you on the storyline. As you progress these become more and more scarce. This means that you'll have to take on the challenges alone.

And challenges there are. Some of them come in the form of many monsters that you must kill to proceed further. Others come in the fact that the monsters can kill you in such a short amount of time and buying healing items from the local merchant can get costly. Other challenges present themselves in the level, such as a huge bolder that must be destroyed or a timed event. Ninja Gaiden is so diverse in its challenges that's it's hard to ignore the genius here. Inside of a torrid volcano will leave have you burning up quickly. The only way out? Use your ninja skills to make your way out before it's too late. There are underwater areas as well. One comes to mind when you're under a twisting cavern that you cannot make through due to lack of oxygen. A horrible fate for a ninja surely -- death by suffocation. Thankfully, we're able to acquire an item that lets make it through all those twisty caverns and such. Ninja's also have a thing for poetry.

Ninja doesn't run -- he quietly walks.
Ninja softly whispers -- he doesn't talk.
Ninja leaves your body outlined in white chalk.
Ninja keep eyes on prey like hawk
Ninja's killing spree never stops.

After ninja sings the song, he goes back to game usually. He will have fun here because the levels in Ninja Gaiden are some of the best ever seen in any action game to date. Each level superbly combines strategy and action unbelievably well. Sometimes you'll be forced to find a rare item to continue (such is the case with the item that lets you breath underwater) other times you'll have to make your way through a large group of enemies. Other times defeating the group of enemies is optional, but you reap great rewards if you finish over one-hundred of them off. The levels include detailed waterfalls, underground sewers, blimps and, of course, the hidden military base. The military base will test your ninja skills; you have to sneak around because everything is on high alert. The sewer will test how good you are in water combat. You can even acquire harpoons to shot the monsters with. Now that is cool.

If the swords and ninja-esque techniques weren't enough to keep you satisfied, you have a form of magic called “Nimpo”. Nimpo is sacred and only to be used when you absolutely suck enough at the game warrant its power. You can either conjure up fiendish lightening from hell or hot fireballs to circle around you for protection. There are two more as well, a wicked fireball that decimates anything that gets in your way and a big dumb thing of ice. The big dumb thing of ice is the most worthless addition to the game. I mean, there are bracelets you can wear (I know, not very ninja-like. I don't want to see my ninja wearing women's jewelry either, but it happens.) The ice spell is even stupider than a ninja being a cross-dresser.

So here we are, we've reached the dramatic conclusion of my most superfluous piece yet. We've learned that ninjas kill, ninjas are cool and they fit well in any prose. Ninja Gaiden features such an incomprehensible amount of ninja action that if you were miss it, I'd tell you that your life is worthless. Ninja Gaiden has so much ninja-ness in it that even the Xbox can hardly handle it without exploding. Heads roll, people die, ninjas run off walls. You will not miss this title. Also, if you happened to read this entire thing without getting bored, then you are not a ninja.

Final - 10

Reviewer's Score: 10/10, Originally Posted: 07/23/04