"Coin, Carnage and Clevage"

My Rating: 9/10

Summary: In The Bards Tale, you play your run of the mill bard, just trying to survive on what he's good at: Conning people. He's been doing good for a bit and has not only earned a bit of coin but has had some "conquests" (whom you meet some of) along the way. He's conning himself again when he finds a tavern and begins the rat quest which he informs the tavern owner is cliche, but will forgive her this time. He promptly slays a rat and is hails himself as "Rodent exterminator" when, from behind him comes a larger fire-breathing rat which sends him running like a little girl.

Graphics: Nothing special here, your average RPG graphics. There was one time when 2 people were inside each other, but the character remarked " i hope no one important sees that" so i'm assuming that it was intentional.

Sound: The bard plays a few different songs when he summons people and just about everyone talks (the few people who don't talk either run from you in circles around there stew pots of sing at you instead).

Game play: The tutorial to learn the game is... "unique", and involves the bard arguing with the person giving it. Besides the completely useless ability to jump, the controls are pretty easy and the added a way to quickly change weapons (though the game doesn't pause while you change so you need to do it while running) and don't worry about a cluttered inventory, Anything you pick up that is non-essential is converted instantly to silver. And by non-essential i mean anything except a weapon, piece of armor, or shield better then what you have thus making killing even the tiny-ist rat gives you a small profit.. When purchasing a weapon, the shopkeep gives an extremely detailed description while you purchase your items. The game includes fixed as well as random monsters and the world map is easy to navigate.

Story: This has to be one of the most comedic story lines i have seen. Just the spoken parts are great. I mean, what other game will people you bump into haunt you whenever you re-enter that town. They storyline itself is intentionally cliche. Hero, Princess, Gold, Evil Magic, and a tower.

Conclusion: With memorable characters like "the peasant who wants an apology" and the Bove Brothers this game is fun and funny for the 35+ hours of game play.

Reviewer's Score: 9/10, Originally Posted: 12/05/04