Conker: Live & Reloaded

"Move over GTA"

Conkers Bad Fur Day was released in 2001 on the Nintendo 64. It was hailed as a surprisingly awesome platformer despite its mature theme. Yes, BFD was in fact a mature game in which the lovable squirrel Conker (From the old Conker games) stared in. Despite it being of extremely quality, it was released too late (GC was almost out) and didn't sell too well. Now Rare, which is owned by Microsoft, has remade BFD and now we have Conker: Live and Reloaded.

Okay, on to the story. You play the role of Conker, a red squirrel who, after getting himself wasted at the local bar decides to head home to see his girlfriend. When he comes to junction he passes out. The next day, he wakes up, only to find himself hungover and sick. The story goes on from there. You will encounter several other creatures in your travels, all of which are potty mouths. Overall it's an awesome journey, especially because of the hilarious cutscenes.

Now, I hate platformer games. I just hate them. So, as you can see, I was a little nervous about picking this one up. Man was I surprised! Conker has absolutely amazing gameplay, though it does have rough spots. Puzzles often involve you doing something your parents wouldn't approve of, whether it is tickling a big breasted plant so a bee can "pollinate" her, or throwing toilet papers into the mouth of a big terd, Conker certainly sticks with its reputation.

The basic combat is easy enough, though it is kind of a big turnoff that Conker doesn't have better melee moves. The creatures you face will come in all shapes and sizes (sizes...) and will do anything to stop you. The weird thing about Conker is that most of the enemies would fit into a Mario game pretty well (Excluding the oven with the two "balls"). Make no mistake; this game earns its M rating.

Conker is a beautiful game. Literally, I haven't seen a game this Eye-Dropping since DOOM3. Everything is so light and colorful. The textures are extremely high resolution and sharp. Conker himself looks breathtaking. Each individual hair on his body is drawn out. The environments are huge, yet the game runs at a constant 30fps. The main drawback is that load times, while quick, happen very often. By the end of the game you will be extremely annoyed.

Sound is another story. The game is full of nice little melodies that make you want to dance, but it's lacking something, Attitude. Duke Nukem anyone? Where is the Metallica? Seriously some real music would fit inside the game perfectly. The character dialogue is as hilarious as it is controversial. Name a cuss word, and this game has it. While the more serious cusswords are bleeped out (makes it even funnier), there is still plenty of language.

Overall Conker is a great game and can be enjoyed by everyone who can handle the content. I don't have Live so don't ask me if you're just getting it for the multiplayer.

Reviewer's Score: 8/10, Originally Posted: 06/30/05