Conker: Live & Reloaded

"Should have just been a multiplayer game."

I'm posting a review for a mature game, and I will be discussing some of the more "adult" content of the game. For those of you who are easily offended or don't wish to read any semi-spoilers don't continue. Oh and one more thing.....

THIS GAME IS NOT FOR KIDS! It bears and Mature rating and wears it proudly. If you dont want your kids watching R-rated moves than this game will not be for them despite its cute characters and cover. On to the review.

This review will be 2 parts: the new multiplayer mode and the old platformer mode. First the old mode.

Graphics - 8

On target with a port. Not really much moan about here. Good job on improving graphics and retaining its original look.

Sound - 7

Same song for the first part. Music get monotonous after awhile, and the speeches are some time indiscernible. Not too bad though.

Controls - 8

Solid, good, responsive.

Story/content - 4

Well here is where the game gets "adult" (and I use that term loosely) and dumb. First of all, Conker is not a real good hero, Rare really doesn't make you like him. They just kind of toss him in front of you and make him do stuff. A rather blah hero. More over the things that he does do are simply rude. In one instance there is a rather "well endowed" flower that lets you jump off her chest to reach a higher ledge. This only happens though after you let a bum of a king bee "pollinate" her. The game simply has no reason for these things other than its trying to be vulgar.

Now while you may think thats not too bad (and I wasn't offended by it) that fact that the game has you running through a river of flowing cow crap is revolting.
That to me doesn't make this a mature game, it just makes it a game that makes teenagers laugh. Bodily gas and bleeped swears when I was 15 were the height of comedy, now at 21 I'm trying to figure out how this game ever impressed me. If Rare is trying to attract adults with this stuff they will fail because its really a turn off to most adults. Basically this game is what would happen if Super Mario went blue. Like if Mario woke up and found out Peach is pregnant. Funny for 2 minutes but really lame after 3. Also most adults wont think of a mature game when they see a squirrel on the front of the game. And the platform style game will irritate most casual adult gamers.

Also, the story itself is really non-existent. I mean this king wants Conker for a table leg, ok I guess its a reason to play not because I really need to see the end. All in all, I think Rare tried to make up for a lack of story with vulgar toilet humor. Now all that being said, there were some truly hilarious moments in this game. When you meet Gregg, I would consider that to be the funniest thing I have seen in awhile. And while it is a little disgusting, the great giant poo's song is funny. I just feel thats there is too much toilet humor, that its not there to add to the comedy but that it IS the comedy, and after awhile it get boring.

Overall (single player) - 4

Again great for kids if it was meant for them. Geared towards adults it wont attract them, but the kids that find big-breasted flowers, giant balls of poo, and drunk squirrels funny will play it.

Ok now for the new Live mode review.

Graphics - 9

Really good, I was impressed. Never have killer rodents and teddy bears looked so good. No slow down and each character looks different and wonderfully detailed. Good job here Rare.

Controls - 8

I give this an 8 only because it takes awhile to get used to the controls. They are a bit awkward at first but once you get them their good solid and responsive. All musts for this kind of game.

Sound - 10

It sound like war, I wouldn't know what war sounds like, but this is probably it. Guns sound good, explosions sound good, and radio calls sound good. It all sounds good.

Gameplay/Fun/Xbox Live - 7/7/9

Each of these gets a different rating. The Game play is fun, but its been done before. The game is fun, but it get repetitive and boring after awhile. This is all of course if you don't have XBL. If you do have XBL then these things change. I played the game with a friend over ym house and it was fun, so I can only imagine what a 16 player SHC v. TeDiZ war would be like on XBL.

Content - 5

This is where multiplayer falls short. Like my title says this game should have been just multiplayer, kinda like Quake 3. Rather than load the disc up with a full edited version of Conker's BFD, Rare should have done more with the multiplayer mode which is what made me love the first game. But back then on the N64 systems didnt go online, now systems do and if theres not enough there to keeps us gamers happy after 2 months and then we need patches and new maps, then the game doesnt deliver in this day and age. Online is here to stay and if you dont take full advantage of disc space to make it the best then the game will meet a quick demise.

OVERALL - 6

Once again, BFD was horrible. The only reason I liked the N64 was because of the multiplayer mode. And this game doesnt do it justice, especially without XBL. Unless you have XBL just rent this game from Blockbuster or Hollywood video. In 5 days of solid playing you should see all you need to out of this game if you dont have XBL.

Reviewer's Score: 6/10, Originally Posted: 08/04/05