Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad

"Zombies, chicks in skimpy outfits, and over-the-top-violence - Game Of The Year, right? Wrong."

I've kept my eye on the Onechanbara budget beat 'em up series, which until now has been exclusive to the Japanese PS2 (with a few translated retitled versions ending up in Europe). I was initially eager to play this when I heard it was getting a distribution deal in America - ignoring the low scores most critics gave it (since everyone trashes beat 'em ups these days). I rented it last week, beat the campaign mode, and decided I must warn the masses of this product on Gamefaqs.

Story ?/10

I like my humor and undead separately, as the zombie genre has always been SERIOUS BUSINESS to me. Movies and games like Shaun of the Dead and House of the Dead will never feel as good to me as stuff like Dawn of the Dead and Resident Evil. I watched a couple of this game's cut-scenes to gauge the level of cheeziness, and it was off the charts. There is enough barely-covered polygonal flesh here to whet the appetite of any 14 year old, although why there would be playing this game instead of watching skin-flicks on the internet is beyond me. After witnessing a 110lb school girl cut an armored van in half with her 5-foot katana, I decided to skip the story from then on.

Graphics 4/10

As expected, this is a low-budget game, with visuals standards set according to said budget. The protagonists look better than anything else, with their lithe bodies given enough detail to pass for an early 360 title. Everything else could be mistaken for a game on the PS2, with sluggish animation for most of the enemies and only about 15-18 opponents on the screen at once. I wouldn't mind this so much, if like the early Dynasty Warriors games - enemies would pop up to replace defeated ones - but here you end up with annoying "waves" of enemies that allow both your combo meter and fun factor to bleed out. Level design is below average, even by brawler standards, as you'll constantly find yourself running in circles through too-similar corridors, navigating a lousy map system while trying to find the next objective.

Sound 4/10

Aside from the Japanese-only dialogue (which I can't validate the voice acting-ability of), there isn't a whole of of noise in this game I found noticeable. The gun-fire from the token blonde character was decent enough - but everything else, including the groans of the monsters, was pretty ho-hum substandard. I just played another budget game a few minutes ago (Shellshock 2: Blood Trails) and it had above average voice acting and sound effects - so this title can't use it's lack of funding as a crutch for the rather weak score I'm giving it in this area of the review.

Control 6/10

I have a number of complaints in the area of handling. Aya's guns should automatically reload, as the manual maneuver hurts the flow of the combat and overworks my fingers when I'm attempting an 800-hit combo. The motorcycle riding level needed further finesse (or better yet, should have never been included). Lastly, the idea of your sword become weaker with every kill (and needing to be shook off every couple of minutes) is one of the worst concepts in any beat 'em up I've played in years. On the plus side, I didn't encounter any real lag and you can easily switch between characters on the fly.

Game-play 4/10

The game follows the route of most brawlers - beat up a bunch of lesser foes and work your way through a linear level until you encounter and defeat boss. I have no problem with that, in fact - when beat 'em ups try to make the encounters more open-ended, you end up with things like Final Fight: Streetwise. It is that the battles with the cannon-fodder are so basic, stripped of any kind of flowing grace - and reduced to "walk 10 feet, area becomes fenced off, kill 100 zombies". In games like Dynasty Warriors, there is an organic presence to the field of combat - like a river of bodies you must retract to the source (a general/boss). Here, it is much more mechanical - like the developers had a quota of how many rooms of zombies had to be allotted before they could present the next boss battle. Kind of like a brawler version of "The Club", you're trying to kill as many opponents as quickly and stylishly as possible - although the game often doesn't spawn enemies fast enough for you to accomplish anything significant. After a couple of levels, I stopped using the melee characters and focused on the blonde chick's pistols, SMG, and shotgun (which plays like a weaker version of Dante's gun-play from Devil May Cry). You can switch between two characters during the levels, allowing the "at rest" character to recharge her health or keep her "Rage Mode" from dissolving your life-bar. Oh yeah, the Rage Mode - is essentially a powered-up form your katana sisters enter after killing a few hundred enemies. Your attacks are slightly more devastating and you can defeat damage-resistant baddies like mudmen with a few simple stokes. The downside is that it eats away at your health, and you have to collect items to turn the Rage Mode off. It would have been a much better idea to have the length of your Rage tie into a combo or at least wear off after like 10 seconds - but the developers were too busy injecting sex appeal into this game instead of using rational thoughts. The bottom line is that this is an often punishing game that resembles a retro-brawler, only it lacks of charm and history of classics like Golden Axe or Final Fight.

Replay-Value 3/10

Want some achievements? I hope you enjoy meeting the requirements three separate times on different levels/difficulties. There's a dress-up gallery and a survivaI mode in addition to the normal campaign - but I didn't have much desire to delve deep into those. In fact - I barely wanted to beat this game once, much less the numerous times you'll have to in order to max out your characters and farm for items. The only thing keeping this area of the review from being completely abysmal is the fact you can unlock about a half-dozen characters to play as (although some can only be obtained through expensive DLC).

Overall 4/10

This game was such a letdown to me, even adjusting my standards to that of a low-budget, niche-genre title. Some of my favorite games didn't have a lot of financial backing (like Disaster Report), but that never constricted my enjoyment from playing them. This title basically lends itself to rental-only status, and if you're an achievement junkie - look elsewhere (I only managed a few hundred Gamerscore in the length of a week). If you need an alternative to this kind of brawler, buy Soul of the Samurai (Playstation 1) instead - it is a much better samurai vs zombies hack-n-slash and you could look at Japanese Idols every couple of minutes to get your "fix" if needed.

Reviewer's Score: 4/10, Originally Posted: 03/02/09

Game Release: Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad (US, 02/10/09)