Star Ocean: The Last Hope

"This is quite possibly the worst star ocean yet!"

I love RPGs of almost any sort but after you have played enough of them you start to get really annoyed with some common aspects. These generally revolve around the story more than the gameplay... and Star Ocean TLH is so full of these that it is nearly painful to play through it.

The characters are so ridiculously shallow... I know Titus from FFX generally gets a bad rap for being whiney, but he is an amateur compared to Edge Maverick. The guy is so poorly written it's pathetic... and somehow he is seen as worthy of promotion by the future government of earth. Apparently the future is very dismal! I'd like to think that childish emos are not our "Last Hope".

His obligatory childhood friend/love interest is far more normal and more fit to be promoted than he is. At some points in the story I find myself wishing she would take over permanently and just leave him on the nearest planet for a good cry... maybe once he's been there about 40 years he may have gotten it all out of his system.

The third character that joins you is an effeminate elfish boy... his only real flaw is that he looks up to Edge like Edge was some kind of great man... Elf-boy is smarter, and his race has superior technology... but somehow he is envious of Edge's superior swordsmanship? You can cast magic little elf... forget the swords!

Then our fourth character... the "15 year old" 6 year old that waddles around like a taru-taru frequently, says disturbing things in a disturbing voice, and somehow understands far more of the universe than most of the other 3. This girl seems to have been added just for the cliches and to appease the pedophiles that may decide to buy the game... or maybe to get the pedophiles to buy it... "this feels good... 'kay" This girls knowledge, supposed age (according to the game manual), attitude, power... none of it makes any more sense than the reason she says "'kay" after almost every sentence... I'm sure that the 'kay thing was some little cute japanese thing that for some reason they thought they had to translate... some things just don't translate and you are stupid for trying it squenix! The only theory I can come up with for this is that she is a futuristic robotic pedo sex toy warrior robot with a broken conversation circuit... I think that is a really good guess considering this game came from japan and only they could possibly come up with something so disturbing!

I've gotten 2 other characters so far and I know more are coming, but I'm just not sure if I care enough to finish this game... the story arc I just got through was so ludicrous that I feel insulted for having had to watch it... when I started playing this game I quickly got the feeling it was a star trek like jrpg and I had high hopes... those hopes were quickly crushed under emo whines and creepy children 'kay. One of the upcoming characters has an attitude that I look forward to seeing, if for no other reason than the fact that I'm pretty sure the first thing he will tell Edge is STFU!

It would be less painful possibly if I had the ability to use the original japanese sound since they do a FAR better job of voice acting in almost all cases. But unfortunately... the only options you have are to turn off the battle voices and lower the slider for cutscene voices to the lowest level so you never have to hear their voices! It has always boggled my mind why these companies go to the trouble of adding english voice acting when they do such a piss poor job that you don't want to hear it and shut it off at the earliest convenience!

The one redeeming quality, and the only reason the score isn't lower, is the battle system. You don't get nearly as many skills and spells as in previous SO games, but still, it is fun to fight most of the time. As much as I loathe Edge, (possibly as much as he loathes himself) I do enjoy fighting as him. I do wish I had more options in skills, but the ones I do have are very effective. The combat system gives you a "blindside" ability that allows you to get behind enemies and attack them in the confusion. I've found that the game on galaxy difficulty isn't difficult enough to need to use that though. If I can stomach beating it in this difficulty and move on to universe, maybe that will be different.

I know I said that was "the one" redeeming quality, however, I also like the item creation system... at least I'd like to say that... if it wasn't for one of the more annoying NPCs in the game. Welch Vineyard... the purple haired hologram that needlessly comments on anything you do in the item creation system... she's cute, inappropriately dressed... and has an obnoxious personality... why is she even necessary?

All in all this game is so full of cliche it has practically no originality at all. A cliche main character with a cliche female companion, a cliche commanding officer who sees so much potential in the cliche main character... a cliche "director" that displays such a snide attitude that nobody would ever take orders from him because he obviously has an ulterior motive and I'll bet it only benefits him. I hesitate to even call it an RPG since I have no control whatsoever over any of the multitudes of ridiculous choices made by the main character. The story fails completely and serves only as annoying interlude between battles.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 07/06/09

Game Release: Star Ocean: The Last Hope (US, 02/23/09)