Zoids Assault

"I would rather pilot a broken Pinto than the Zoids from this game"

This is a game that had a simple and fun premise. There are these Zoids, who are piloted robots that resemble fearsome tigers, wolves, and dinosaurs. Now the idea of commanding such robots in battle is a very fun one. There doesn't need to be a particular reason why I have these robots. I don't need to know the anime back-story as to why one of the robots looks like it does to appreciate a giant Gatling gun mounted on a bovine. In fact it's hard to imagine what a developer could do to ruin a game with such a premise.

But boy did they.

The story is still images drawn in anime style with a voice over talking in a press conference. The goes in depth about a war that a team called MACE took part in. You play as the MACE team which consists of 5 member who look nearly alike but have different skills.

Two of the members pilot wolf Zoids, one of which tends to be faster than the other one, who is more a gunner. The bovine Zoid is actually a very decent shot with the cannon and is good with ballistics, the commander is better at fighting and is usually more heavily armored, and the last Zoid (also a Liger) is a healer.

Now are these 5 forced into these roles? Not exactly. Although the weapons each type can use are limited, you can somewhat change the role of each of the pilot. The problem is that the skills that each pilot gains by leveling up supports putting them in that one role. For example the healer Zoid isn't going to gain offensive/ballistic skills, and the bovine isn't going to suddenly start being able to heal other Zoids. So although changing the armor and the single weapon that they may employ can give you an advantage in some missions, it isn't a very high level of customization.
What would have increased the level of fun and customization significantly would have been the ability to change Zoids but in fact from the first mission to the end of the game the pilot is stuck inside the Zoid.

There are seriously only 5 Zoid types in the game. To put that in perspective a GBA game has over 150 different Zoids with tons more customization options than this game.

As for the game play and strategic elements of the game:
Some people might think this game is very deep because its complex battle system. It's not deep.
The SCAN is a fairly complex system that requires some strategic thinking especially about weapons and placement of Zoids but nothing alot more advanced than "try to form a circle around enemies so that they are in everyone's crosshairs and can't counter."

Regardless of whether or not you have a sound strategy the game is very difficult and the element of luck is present. However this does not mean it's a good kind of difficulty, but instead difficulty arising from poor gameplay design. The basics of each mission, which vary very little, is to destroy all the enemies.
In the middle of battle several enemies spawn at random places in the map and you are out-gunned in every single mission, sometimes by the initial force. The enemy Zoids in fact often are actually higher levels.
Admittedly there is some satisfaction in beating a mission when the odds are stacked against you, but there is much more frustration. The satisfaction is in not in beating something that is designed well, but rather in beating something that is broken. Among many frustrations is that like you, the enemy has the ability to heal itself and often to a greater effect.

Things truly hit rock bottom with the graphics and sound:
The supposedly smooth and stylized Zoids resemble plodding lumbering blocks of metal in animal shapes

It is as if Duplo or Lego tried to make metal sets out of animal crackers, that's what these ugly jagged chunks resemble.

And equally dull is their color scheme, if you try to brighten them up with default and unlockable color schemes you will be amazed at how bright yellow and bright blue can look dull. And the reason for the drabness is the terrible graphics and the grain filter which drowns the game in such a sea of sepia and gray that even fans of Grindhouse style movies would find it in bad taste.

But who could blame the developers who knew how inferior the graphics were so they added the filter, barren desert environments and 2d trees in an attempt to mask this fact.

The turn based combat consists of a Zoid firing on another Zoid, while the Zoid being fired upon awkwardly tries to turn around to return fire.

The sound is grating and repetitive, the same machine gun makes the same RATTATATTAT sound regardless of whether it's firing at a Zoid, a turrent, or missing both and hitting a tree.

The lack of money time and effort put into the game, the bad game play design, the counterintuitive strategic elements, the poor story, the terrible and grainy graphics, and lackluster sound, make this arguably one of the worst Xbox 360 titles out there.
The fact that this was released is embarrassing to say the least

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 10/15/09

Game Release: Zoids Assault (US, 09/09/08)