How did you, a regular at Joe's Bar in Upper Sandusky, Ohio, end up on a Martian moon? Can you prevent the hideous space creature from abducting the naked heiress? How many uses can you find for a rubber hose? Is it easy to remove a brass bikini? Is it hard to outsmart a robotoid sumo wrestler? Can you stop the Leather Goddesses' fiendish plan to turn all Earthlings into sex slaves?