Review by Fallout Boy
"Is it worth the hype, the wait, and the 50 bucks?"
Ah, Illbleed. What a strange little mixed bag you are. You have such great area's, coupled by such low...um, low areas. And let's get right into the review, shall we?
Storyline= A bunch of your friends get head strong and decide to head of to win the million smackers prize some crazy guy is offering at his big scary park, ::dramatic voice:: Illbleed! Of course, they don't come back, so obviously your character decides to go in after them. Once in, apparently, you can't go out. So, you either come back a millionare, or come back in a small wooden box.
Gameplay= Here's the big one, the gameplay. What makes or breaks a game. What makes games like Illbleed so darn interesting. There are 3 parts I'll break it into, 1) Fighting, 2) The Traps, and 3) Gameplay in general.
So, let's start with the fighting. Argh, it stinks. Well, you'll eventually get used to it, but it takes time, just like the rest of the game. The battles will show up ever now and then, but you can avoid most. It's mainly cheap, because the bad guys are fast and do alot of damage, while you're...um, you. If there are more than 2, you can get the bad guys to smack each other silly :). Of course, you'll get used to it eventually, and you'll find your other cheap little ways to beat them. Mine, for example, is you hit them the second before they hit you, so they fall back and let you hit them even more so they'll never get to attack! Mwahahahahahahahahhaha!
2) The traps, which are basically the thing most people are interested in, are okay. You find the horror monitor (binoculars mixed with novelty x-ray glasses), look at you're senses (Hearing, sight, smell, and sixth sense), and you guess what the trap is. If you're right, hurray for you, if your wrong, then you'll take a hit in your stats. The traps start to get really stupid and un-scary quickly (for example, the ''evil pot roast of doom'' that attacks you, or the HAUNTED PIG HOOFS. HAUNTED PIG HOOFS!), and sometimes they're cheap. On one level, there are 3 shelves of ''evil candy''. You can't move any closer to any of them or you'll trigger the trap, and you can't really tell which one's which so you just wind up guessing. And there is NOTHING more frustarating than running out of adrenaline (which you use to find traps) in the middle of a stage. On second thought, bleeding to death RIGHT BEFORE THE EXIT OF THE LEVEL (which has happened to me before) or dying of shock just because a door grew an eye and looked at you is pretty infuriating too. Over all, kind of dumb, kind of cool. basically levels it out at the end.
Last (at least gameplay wise) is the overall gameplay. It's pretty fun, sometimes it can leave you clueless however. Some parts are so wierd they're funny, like the *Spoiler!, kind of*
part were Eriko get's turned into a dummy and goes into the dummy hunting grounds. When you rescue Randy, you get a hilariously wierd conversation.
Then again, sometimes the scene's are a bit too wierd (That VEEERRY disturbing conversation after the 2nd level boss, and of course the infamous level 6), but hey, it's all good in the end. The whole horror theme is very B-movie-ish, with ''so-lame-they're-funny'' names like ''Home Run of DEATH'', the Twilight-zone-ish begginings of the levels, and the plot of each level. Some level's storys are indeed uninspired, the ''Killer Department Store'' being one of them. Then again, alot of them have underlying theme's, like the wooden-puppets on the normally lame plot of level 3. I mean, come on, the guy get's eaten by a tree. AAAAAH! SO SCARY! Some scene's are kind of creepy, like *small spoiler!* the baseball bat calling out for Jimmy...that was wierd. *end small spoiler*
Graphics=7/10=The graphics most of the time are pretty Jerky and, well, just plain un-polished. I saw the beggining cinema, and I nearly threw up; no-one's lips move when they speak! Ugh! I hate that! Oh well, you get used to it eventually. The monster's are pretty interesting (who else would have thought to have had evil crash test dummy?), while some are mild. The worms on lvl 2 looked like they were snatched from tremors, which I liked. The bosses are especially cool looking..well, most of the time. But most of the time the level's are pretty good, reflecting whatever the level's ''horror'' or ''scary thing'' is. I loved the burned look on first level :). Occasionally the camera will get annoying (especially when you're trying to disarm traps), but its excusable.
Sound=6/10= Okay, the music is typical horror, which means it ranges from pretty scary and good (the 1st level creeped me out) to the Infuriatingly Ear Piercingly bad (the music at the entrance to the park, ugh!). The Voices are pretty bad, they should have just shot for the typically bad B-movie acting (House of the Dead 2 I will never forget! I love those monotone ''My god.'' or ''G's Blood Stains.''), but instead it sounds attempted good and veeery muffled. It's muffled on the humans, so that means the other guys and monsters are almost impossible to hear, seeing as they're speech is garbled. Also, the little ''Shock'' sound effect on the traps will probably be what makes you jump on the traps, but after a while you get used to it.
Replay Value= Depends. For me, about a 7/10. For you? Depends on how you like your games. You'll probably want to replay this game just to relive cool moments or show off to your friends. Some scenes will make you crying for a replay mode (I wanna show all my friends the disturbing lvl 2 after boss cinema!), other's will make you say ''boring, boring''. Difusing all the traps a second time around will either be fun or frusturating for you, depending on how you get the traps. The little ''randomizer'' thing that they put in for the traps doesn't really change enough to be commented on.
Controls=7/10= The thing all the critics hate. Personally, I didn't see anything wrong with them. Sure they take a little while getting used to, but they're okay after that. My one gripe is jumping is till a pain in the rear.
Final Verdict= Well, if you like horror movies or just want a break from the typical ''Kill zombie turn around kill the other zombie'' formula, then you should buy Illbleed. of course, in Illbleed, the formula ''Disarm trap get into annoying battle and whack crash test dummy over and over again''. Most people will want to try it just see how wierd it is, and how the whole game works. That's really what drew me in, but it stuck, and now I love it. But, I know that there will be some people who like the game, and some people who will hate it, that's unavoidable, but I employ you, give the game a chance. It may take a while, but you'll get used to everything and love it. Hopefully love it, at least. Just don't be impatient and slow down and hopefully you'll like it.
Closure=Well, I guess that's it. Liked it? Hope ya did. Oh, and in case I offended you in any way shape or form, please, don't flame me or anything. I'm sorry for whatever. So, anyway, see ya! Oh, and sorry for my frequent mispellings, where I come from we don't believe in them fancy Spellin' things! And Im too lasy to change everything. :)
Reviewer's Rating: 4.0 - Great
Originally Posted: 04/28/01, Updated 04/28/01
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