Review by Shady
So there you are, walking down the sidewalk on the busiest street of your city. You approach a corner where you see a middle-aged woman dressed in skimpy clothing. The woman notices you and says:
Hey there, sexy. Lookin' for a good time?
You nod your head.
Well, don't play Sydney 2000 then. It's anything BUT a good time.
You walk away with a confused look on your face. Why the hell is she talking about Sydney 2000? What the hell is a Sydney 2000 anyway?
Relax there, fella. It seems our hooker doesn't like Sydney 2000, the official video game of the Olympics. And who can blame her? Sydney 2000 is easily one of the worst games that I myself have ever played.
In Sydney 2000, you can play as one of 32 countries (USA, Israel, Kenya, etc.) in 12 different events. There's a 100 meter sprint, javelin, triple jump, skeet shooting, 10 meter platform diving, olympic sprint cycling, 110 meter hurdles, hammer, high jump, 100 meters freestyle swimming, super heavyweight weight lifting, and kayak K1 slalom. With all of those events to choose from, you would expect at least ONE of them to be good, wouldn't you? Uh-uh. All of the events are a chore to play. They are no fun at all.
Perhaps the reason the events are no fun is because all you do is mash the buttons on your controller as fast as you can. With the exception of skeet shooting, diving, and kayaking, every event requires you to mindlessly bash buttons to win. Button mashing is hardly a skill, my friend. Any fool can do that. And really, when you have such boring events as hammer tossing, weight lifting, and triple jumping, why would you want to hurt your thumb just to win a meaningless video game event?
As if hurting your thumb by participating in an event wasn't enough, you can also train in the olympic mode's ''Virtual Gym''. This ''Virtual Gym'' consists of various exercises to train you for an upcoming event. You can lift weights, do pushups, run on the treadmill, and so forth. That's a neat idea and all, but take a guess at how you train. That's right, you MASH BUTTONS! Pathetic.
Even if, for some very bizarre reason, you are a fan of button mashers, I highly doubt you would enjoy Sydney 2000. The audio/visual departments are downright horrible. The Olympic characters are all hideously deformed and are about the size of midgets. The environments are drab and void of life. The game doesn't even look like a first-gen Dreamcast game. First-gen Playstation more like.
The audio is just as awful. Terrible music that sounds like it came straight out of a porno flick is used during events. The crowd's noise is of very poor quality. Somewhat surprisingly, there is commentary for each event. This is done by ''Olympic champion commentators'' Dwight Stones and Marty Liquori. No, I've never heard of them either. I'm glad I haven't - they are incredibly annoying and tiring to listen to. Muy mal.
All in all, you would be wise to stay away from Sydney 2000. The button mashing technique is tedious and frustrating, the events and training are boring, and the audio/visual is pathetic. Even if you are a super-mega-uber Olympic fan and enjoy button mashers, I wouldn't recommend Sydney 2000. It's that damn bad.
Best Feature - Uh...
Worst Feature - Everything.
Reviewer's Rating: 0.5 - Unplayable
Originally Posted: 09/15/02, Updated 09/15/02
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