"Fails at being a rhythm game"

It is hard to say why Elite Beat Agents has been declared a cult classic, being lauded as DS game of the year and receiving high review scores from several different sources. This is not a good game. It has an interesting idea behind it, which is that of telling little stories as you succeed in playing sections of its 20 or so songs, but the area it fails in is unforgivable: rhythm.

See, in this game you are supposed to tap the lower screen to the rhythm of the music, touching colored circles whenever a shrinking outline centers with them. All would be good if it wasn't for the fact that the producers of the western version of the game probably understood very little about music theory. To anybody who is trained in music, this game is hard as hell. Not because the patterns are particularly difficult, because they aren't, but rather because the circles are simply misaligned, in a way that makes no sense.

Sometimes you have to follow the rhythm of the vocals, sometimes you are following the bass, sometimes you don't really know what you are following... and each and every correct tap you land makes a cymbal sound - though get this, you are not following the drums most of the time. I suppose that to the average player this can maybe work out, but to somebody who plays the drums, it is stupid. I scored higher with my sound turned off than I did with my sound turned on.

The game boasts a strange variety of songs, trying to appeal to everybody and their momma. There is no theme going on. There's pop, emo, rock, disco, Cher... Madonna. Elite Beat Agents doesn't include a single master track too, and a few of the covers are awful. "Highway Star" got a particularly bad treatment.

Your average animu-lover may find the game to be funny and inspiring, but to me it was just bland. It had its moments, but hardly they were very special. The meme-like characters and pseudo-Engrish was not funny. The art is okay overall, and does its job.

Replaybility comes from playing the same songs over again at a higher difficulty level, and there is little to unlock. That amounts to zero replayability, as far as I am concerned. You basically have no incentive to go though the very short 3-hour long single player campaign a second time.

As for my personal verdict... do not buy this game. Do not waste your time with this game. It is not a cult classic. It's maybe a classic in the sense that some strange old European silent movies are considered classics. They make no sense and are a pain to watch, but people pretend to understand and like them to go along with the flow.

3/10 - A weak game glorified by who knows what reason. Musicians beware.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 03/16/10

Game Release: Elite Beat Agents (US, 11/06/06)