| 720 Degrees | Thank God Tony Hawk wasn't in this game. He looked really dorky in the 80s. | 10/28/01 | 7/10 |
| Air Fortress | You'll never find my air fortress! AHAHAHAHAHA! | 01/01/01 | 6/10 |
| Arkanoid | At least Arkanoid doesn't give you Hemmheroids. | 07/24/03 | 6/10 |
| Blaster Master | The things people will do for frogs. It's not like the frog was a box of Triscuits. | 10/28/01 | 8/10 |
| Captain Skyhawk | I wonder how bad Officer Skyhawk must've been. | 10/30/01 | 6/10 |
| Defender II | I am the defender of a tape roll! FEAR ME! | 09/30/01 | 7/10 |
| Dr. Mario | What Mario's medicine for everything should be? BEER | 08/06/01 | 7/10 |
| Duck Hunt | What are you supposed to do? Use your light gun to blind them to death? | 09/19/01 | 7/10 |
| G.I. Joe | I've run out of stupid things to say | 12/19/00 | 8/10 |
| Galaga: Demons of Death | A true classic | 05/22/01 | 9/10 |
| Gradius | And as I said to the butler, 'I wanted Gradius, not Spartacus!' | 10/29/01 | 8/10 |
| Hogan's Alley | If you like shooters, then this game should be right up your alley. | 10/28/01 | 7/10 |
| Joust | From The Book of Doodleheimer - When you joust a bird, it lays an egg. | 09/23/01 | 7/10 |
| Life Force | This game was so overrated, I got a little too happy | 10/31/01 | 7/10 |
| Mega Man | The start of over twenty US Mega Mans | 05/22/01 | 10/10 |
| Mega Man 2 | Hippofatamus! | 12/20/00 | 9/10 |
| Mega Man 3 | A Game Worthy of Mega Man. | 12/21/00 | 8/10 |
| Mega Man 4 | Despite game play additions, the MegaMan franchise begins to wear out | 06/22/01 | 7/10 |
| Millipede | Shooting insects. One of America's pastimes. | 08/05/01 | 6/10 |
| Operation Wolf | I wanted to join the Army of One, but they had no more spaces available. | 10/30/01 | 6/10 |
| Pac-Man | A half-eaten yellow pizza. Good eatin' | 08/05/01 | 7/10 |
| Paperboy | When I was a paperboy, I fell into the sewer. That job stank! | 10/28/01 | 8/10 |
| Punch-Out!! Featuring Mr | Mr. Dream? Harrison Ford's not in this game! | 10/28/01 | 7/10 |
| R.C. Pro-Am | And you know how tough these Radio-Controlled car competitions are on the street, right? | 10/29/01 | 6/10 |
| Rad Racer | Square hasn't done it again! | 10/29/01 | 5/10 |
| Rollerball | Now my cats are getting along with BIlly Idol. | 01/06/01 | 7/10 |
| Super Mario Bros. / Duck Hunt | Lesson 1. - Never buy used tennis shoes on EBay. | 09/29/01 | 8/10 |
| Super Mario Bros. 2 | When I threw vegetables at my brother, it didn't hurt him. I did have to have a time-out in the corner, though. | 10/01/01 | 8/10 |
| Super Mario Bros. 3 | I want a pony, mommy! | 07/28/01 | 9/10 |
| Tetris | Click on the link! | 10/28/01 | 8/10 |
| Vegas Dream | Why wasn't Strip Poker included? | 10/30/01 | 8/10 |
| Xevious | REVIEW #150! Finally, an excuse to drink! | 10/28/01 | 6/10 |
