Ok, this is sort of the joke choice of the list. This weapon has the impact of running up to someone in a suit of armour and jabbing them in the chest with a spoon. In fact giiven the choice between going to battle with the Heretic staff and going to battle with a soup spoon I'm going to pick the latter. The only way of explaining any death (or even damage) caused with the staff is that the monsters in Heretic must have had an allergic reaction to the metal caps on the end.
When you are an alien, you are a weapon. Your claws can rend a man in two, your tail can bore a hole through him and your jaws can leave his head as a bloody stump in seconds. If you decide that this isn't enough then I suggest you leap at the poor guy and watch him explode on impact. Forget about Mel Gibson ... you are the lethal weapon.
HUMILIATION .... yup, close combat kills rock! Although not the post powerful weapon ever conceived, strapping a circular saw blade to your fist can still do some pretty extensive damage. Upon seeing an individual wielding this weapon approach, 70% of gamers are reduced to randomly firing while attempting to run in three directions at once ... making them an easy target.
Forget the crowbar, if Gordon Freeman had spotted a pipe wrench then that silly pointy red stick would never have made it into Half Life 2. Crowbar's are for opening doors, pipe wrenches are for killing! Corporal Adrian Shepherd battles past monsters, assasins and wooden boxes in the quest to kill Gordon Freeman and his silly crowbar.
So Duke Nukem allowed you to kick your opponent to death, but FEAR allowed you to do it while flying through the air in slow motion ... a clear improvement. Sliding kicks, flying kicks, roundhouse kicks, you're a one man dojo, and more importantly a one man dojo with a slow motion button. Watch carefully as you send the enemy flying over the table, through the window, and plunging five floors to the concrete below.
The most satisfying thing about this weapon was the sound. The perfect "dong" of shovel-meets-head. Of course when the enjoyment of battering someone to death with the flat end comes to end you could always swing it sideways and take their head clean off. The advantage here is that you can then play fetch with a dog using the poor man's (or woman's) head.
If you want "the" classic melee weapon then this is it. There could be one enemy or one hundred but (as long as they were standing in a long line, all on low health) it didn't matter since you would reduce them all to bloody gibs on the floor. Don't think of the chainsaw as a weapon so much as a modern paintbrush designed to paint the floors and walls red.
To anyone who left the game to switch to the 3rd person with this weapon, you missed out. This weapon is clearly the most fun light show since Prometheus decided to show humans a new trick with flint and dry leaves. Decapitate individuals, remove their limbs ... at least it won't become infected as this weapon cuts to hot it cauterises any wound it causes. Not only does this weapon deliver huge damage but it also deflects enemy fire making it one of the best weapons ever conceived.
Forget pistol kills, forget scout kills, if you want to humiliate your opponent then there is no substitute for the knife. Some skill is required to get close, a some more skill to actually make the kill, sinceat any point your enemy may turn around and massacre you an assortment of deadly guns. No weapon is more likely to get your enemy to demand you be "kicked" as a "haxxor", and thus none can possibly as satisfying.
This weapon was awesome. It looks like an innocent sword handle with no blade. At a click of the button the nanotechnology springs to life to create a shimmering blue blade that is nano-sharp, able to cut ANY enemy down in one swipe. This weapon makes awesome light saber like noises, and has the benefit of offering a little illumination for dark passages in the game. Upon gaining this weapon you needed no other.
So there we are. 10 awesome weapons that aren't a crowbar. Had I allowed games like Morrowind and Oblivion in then the Daedric Battle Axe, Daedric Dai Katana and the Daedric Cescent would have all been contenders.
List by LondonProphet (03/20/2007)
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