We'll start off our list with the famous ninja, Ryu Hayabusa. Everybody likes ninjas. After all, they're deadly, stealthy, and have all sorts of awesome skills that we wish we could have. While the abilities of ninjas vary quite a lot, I feel that Ryu Hayabusa is the best representation of what it means to be a ninja. You've got your badass sword, shurikens, running-up-a-wall skills, lightning-fast reflexes, etc. Sure, the whole "people with guns are trying to kill me" part sucks, but when you're this badass, who cares?
What's better than being a ninja? Being a pirate, of course! Guybrush Threepwood always wanted to be a pirate, and thankfully for him, he succeeded. Naturally, this means all the usual pirate-like activities, such as sailing the seas, finding lost treasure, trying to score with ladies while avoiding those nasty pirate ghosts that always pop up, all that good stuff. Just like before, I chose Guybrush because I feel that he's gaming's best representation of a pirate (no Jack Sparrow here, sorry).
Sure, being an anthropomorphic raccoon doesn't seem too appealing at first, but Tom Nook has been living the good life ever since Animal Crossing's debut. He owns a shop in the player's home town and sells the player his first house, putting him in debt. Each time that loan is paid off, Nook builds him a bigger house, each debt grower more and more in size. Nook makes a living off suckering villagers into buying stuff they don't need, and as the player continues to play Animal Crossing, Nook's store increases in size again and again thanks to the growing income. Tom Nook may not be that impressive, but he sure is rich.
Oh, we all know who Sonic the Hedgehog is. That fast, speedy rodent is one of gaming's icons, and it's not unusual for him to be so idolized. Just look at what he can do! He's incredibly fast, has some good, reliable friends in Tails and Knuckles, and though he constantly fights Eggman, he sees it more as a contest than a life-or-death battle. Sonic runs through the desert for fun. Isn't being an animal fun?
So you're at the movies with your girlfriend. She's trying to make out with you, but you're too busy watching the cheesy action flick on the screen. Suddenly, a giant hand pops out of the screen and takes your girlfriend. You chase them into the movie, and what happens? You become a superhero! That's right, Viewtiful Joe is just an average guy who got trapped in a movie and now has superpowers to help save his girlfriend. But he doesn't care; he just wants to punch stuff. Sylvia can wait in that cage all she wants; Joe is a SUPERHERO now, and until he's done fighting all the movieland bosses, she can wait.
Captain Falcon is, without a doubt, one of the manliest video game characters ever created. He's a racecar driver who bounty hunts on the side (or is it the other way around?) and is the top racer in the world. Strangely, in the Super Smash Bros. series, Captain Falcon doesn't use any weapons. What kind of bounty hunter doesn't use weapons? I suppose that when your signature attack requires you to scream "FALCON PUNCH" at the top of your lungs and lights people on fire when they're hit, you don't really need weapons. Captain Falcon doesn't live dangerously; it's the rest of the world that's in danger for not being Captain Falcon.
Are you ready? It's hard work being a secret agent. You have to go around the world helping people with their problems, but by doing it, you have to DANCE. It takes serious skills to help people out with the power of dance. Nothing's impossible for Agent J, whether it be helping a lost dog find his way home, fighting off music-hating alien invaders, or allowing a little girl to spend one last Christmas with her father, Agent J and his fellow Elite Beat Agents can do anything. Sure, it's cheesy, but don't you just wish all of life's problems could be solved with song and dance?
I doubt you've heard of Ein, but there's a good reason he's on this list. He hails from a little-known GBA RPG with little publicity, which is sad considering why everyone wants to be him. Simply put: his only fellow party members are girls. Yep, he's trying to save the world, and he gets to spend all that time with four cute girls who are constantly fighting over him. It's a RPG and dating sim in one, and it's absolutely fantastic. There's even a bath scene with the girls! (no, I am not kidding you. Ein peeps on his party members when they're taking a bath) Aren't hormones great?
Ah, Laharl, Prince of the Netherworld. Isn't it great now that dad's dead? (thanks to choking on a Pretzel, nonetheless) You have a mighty kingdom to command, so go and show them who's boss! Sadly, Laharl doesn't get much respect from his peers, but he's still one of the most broken RPG protagonists in existence, can jump in lava without fear of death, can stop a giant swinging sword with his fist, and summon meteors to crush his enemies. He may be a spoiled brat who can't cook and clean for himself, but damn is it good to be an overlord.
And as the character that most people would have fun being, I've selected Pokemon Trainer (or, Red, if you must call him that). The pokemon games may be more about gameplay than story, but if the anime is anything to be considered, the path to becoming a Pokemon Master is a rich, fruitful journey. You meet new friends and rivals, capture new and stronger pokemon, and challenge the best of the best to become the most revered trainer in the world. While the games don't express this well enough, I'd saying bonding with your pokemon is quite rewarding, and a lot of fun. A good pokemon trainer is supported by his pokemon, and that makes the journey that much fun.
I admit that this list had some cheesy moments, but I believed I've explained myself well enough. These are characters that we wouldn't mind being, for whatever reasons. In this case, they all hail from excellent games, too. Next time you're playing Halo, be glad it's Master Chief fending off aliens and not you.
List by Big Bob (11/08/2007)
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