Top 10 Lists: The Top 10 Incredible Games With Minor Issues That Prevented Them From Becoming Classics

If you would be so kind, I would like to start by having a minute of silence to mourn all the needless slaughter of potential within the realms of gaming. It'll be quick. 'Alas, poor Empire at War! For we wanted to enjoy your strategic simulations of Star Wars, we were unable to abide by your enemies that fought so poorly and surrendered so easily. Thank you. To clarify this utterly strange behavior, what I am trying to say is that no game is perfect. While a lot of famous games have minor to major flaws, we're usually able to see past those flaws and focus on the good parts of the game (Unless you're a hater. If that's the case then you'll most likely be turning anthills into giant, volcanic mountains spewing out acidic pus). Other games weren't so lucky, and instead of turning into a classic had to join the lower ranks. Now, a prime candidate for this list is my list regular Mystical Ninja: Starring Goemon, but I'm not going to include it. Let's face it - If you haven't checked it by now, you're not going to ever. You'll be reading this list, going "Hmm, Mystical Ninja again? How interesting... NOT!" and start reading something else that's actually somewhat informative. And we don't want THAT, do we? As I am writing this there's an ad in the corner about things that you should avoid doing on twitter and facebook, shouldn't you at least take a quick gander at that? They could be talking about you! Also, as you might notice this list is quite a bit longer than usual. I made the mistake by putting too many games that are important to me in a single list, so you can see this as two lists put into one. Hence why I didn't send in a list last week, and totally not because I was busy playing the new Batman game. Right, so let us now begin with the top of the list (Technically it's the bottom, but that sounds kind of negative so I like to call it the top instead). Enjoy reading all the way from the top to the top!

In the distant times of the early nineties (1993 A.D, 16-bit era), an event that would become known as the "RPG explosion" occurred. It included the rapid evolution of many different RPGs and allowed them to freely roam the lands, until the Final Fantasy species dominated the market's ecosystem and... Ate them all, or something. EVO: The Search for Eden (a.k.a "Journey of 4.6 Billion Years", which is a totally awesome title) is an Enix-ian game from this era with the rare feature of dealing with the evolution of life as well as the evolution of the world. Now, to skip all the boring facts, in this game you travel through time and play as a creature of that time, going around killing and eating everything even remotely definable as "life". You encounter a cute and completely harmless frog walking around, eating plants and enjoying life... What do you do? Devour its flesh, of course! A wounded soldier amphibian that fought bravely is begging you for assistance? Hmm, that meat on his face isn't getting any fresher, dibs on the entrails! You could see it as time travel mixed with Postal. It's an action RPG, apparently very similar to an Enix game that I never heard about or played (narrowing it down to just about their entire game library). However, what is so original and great about this game is how you evolve. Unlike SOME games where the critter in question just blinks and gets bigger while spitting in the face of logic by growing more heads, you get to manually choose which components of the body to evolve. Components such as as jaws, fins, body shape... With just about no restriction. The fact that you have complete freedom in how you want to evolve makes for the creation of some very interesting creatures, such as a bird with a T-Rex's jaws, a horn and a snake's tail. The simple notation of a snake's tail is enough to blow my mind! My personal favorite is an abomination that has a rhinoceros' body with the size of a cat's, a giraffe's neck with a mane and the jaws of a dog. You might laugh at it, but that bastard has a biting power of 20p, enough to down most Dinosaurs and some Godzillas in a single chomp. Plus, the neck gives it a sniper rifle's reach. If this thing was brought back to New York instead of King Kong, forget it! WE would be exterminated! It redefines the word "monster"... But looks soooo cute with that widdle body! Awww, it bit through my jugular... Isn't that just the cutest thing you ever saw? ^_^ And that's not even the best part of the game if you ask me - It's the fact that it really has the atmosphere of eras long gone. Maybe not the Neogene era, what with all the sword wielding birds mounted on dinosaurs and mammoths blowing lethal bubbles at you... But at the beginning of the journey you get to swim around as a fish in the vast oceans of prehistoric earth, back when there was hardly any land at all. Nothing but water as far as the background reaches, the only life confined to the bottom of the sea... Trapped with the crazy killing machine that is you... No escape... Anyway, the atmosphere is quickly broken when you get to the actual gameplay. What could have been great joy is marred by terrible controls and a very annoying feature. First of all, the controls are decent underwater since you can move up and down freely. Most of the issues lies in your way of attacking. You can only bite or ram your enemies, both of which are almost completely useless against anything that's not a jellyfish. Also, a jellyfish. That's because if you touch your enemy you take damage. So if your bite or ram is off by one millimeter you miss and take a hit. Did I say "a hit"? How about ten seconds of juggling followed by the occasional ram or bite from the enemy. You don't 'blink', you don't fly back, you just stand there and take the punishment like a long abused wife. This is because whenever you try to bite you make an awkward lounge forward, which unless you're at the precise distance will make you touch the enemy and get hit again! The ram also requires some distance, so after each attack you'll find yourself running off to the proper distance to maybe land another attack. This gets VERY tedious VERY quickly, especially if the enemy chases you since they're usually as fast if not faster than you. It's kind of hard to see this as a fair battle for survival when all they have to do is be in your vicinity to cause a chemical reaction in your body, hurting you. The reach of the bite is horrible, Grant's dagger from Castlevania 3 had three times the reach of this bite! The only thing comparable to it is Ryu's close range Jab elbow, and he doesn't die whenever he touches his enemy! On land things are even worse - Since you can only move forward or back you constantly get surrounded when you try to get some distance from the enemy. There's another way of attacking here, namely by jumping on them, but it's weak, inaccurate, sluggish and unless you touch the ground afterwards you take damage. The only decent way of attacking is by kicking, and that isn't possible until you're three quarters done with the game! Apart from this minor slight, the game is very fun and could've definitively been a classic among artsy gamers and maybe even receive the ultimate honor of being featured on that "Top 10 Classic Educational Games" list. Why they decided to make it so that enemies hurt you on touch was most likely just a minor slip on the designers and beta-testers' part, and the only mystery remaining is how they possibly got away with the appearance of the final boss. I mean, it is in almost every shape and function just like a pfff...! A pfff...! (Wait, I can't say it? Aw man, that's complete Bolbox!)

I'm a fan of Dragon Ball. I mean, not really, but it's one of those things that I loved when I was young and still get some kind of kick out of. You know, like video games! To this day, when I'm training at the gym all I have to think about is a particularly cool scene from the manga and I get some kind of fighting spirit that makes me go past the limit, overexert myself and badly pull something. Needless to say, when they released one of the first games of the series here in Sweden (Dragon Ball: Budokai), I was so happy... And then quickly disappointed, since it was a little less than a poor clone of a really weird clone of a bad clone of Street Fighter II. I see how one would make the assumption that something like that might work, but Dragon Ball isn't about toe-tapping your enemy into a corner. It's about high-speed battles where you fly around and punch your enemies through mountains when you're not busy throwing a multitude of different beam attacks at them. In Budokai you couldn't even jump. Seriously? No jumps in a fighting game, no less a Dragon ball game? "I am the strongest being in the galaxy! Do you think that a simple fireball is going to... Wait... Oh no! I'm stuck to the ground! Someone let me ride their shoulders, QUICK!" So while Budokai was a disappointment, I later found out that there had been a lot of DB games only released in America with even more only released in Japan, kind of like EVERYTHING ELSE IN EXISTENCE. I continued my journey for a Dragon Ball game that managed to capture the spirit of the series, and what did I find? RPGs where the enemies' power levels are taken seriously, expecting you to grind at least several hours before every boss fight. A card game where the mighty demon Piccolo looks like a vase with undefinable biology sticking out of it. MORE Street Fighter II rip-off rip-off rip-offs that each tries a new gimmick and fails miserably. Eventually I got to the bottom of the soiled barrel and dug out a Dragon Ball game for the Game Boy, only released in Japan and with little to no reputation at all. How odd that it would turn out to be the one game that I was looking for. Despite its longevity and popularity, the Game Boy was actually not capable of much. I'm guessing Pokemon was the pinnacle for that thing, released somewhere around 10 years after the machine's introduction. However, through simplicity and good design choices they somehow managed to pull it off. The game takes place during the Namek saga, which is 'nuff said if you know the series. Everything outside of the battle system and training sequence is pretty much non-existent, EXACTLY HOW IT SHOULD BE. Five of my characters could blow up Earth with a punch, tell me why I'm walking through a cave trying to find a fairy that will unlock a door? Really, a fairy? Please. I already have a lockpick, it's called MY FIST and I am A MASTER OF UNLOCKING! KAMEHAMEHAAAA! The battle system works in the way that you choose which actions you're going to use before heading into battle, ranging from a punch, a kick, a beam etc. The interesting thing is the balance between these choices - Unlike a lot games where you can just head in and spam one attack until they start losing limbs, you have to plan your attacking here. Punches are fast but weak while kicks are strong but slow, and if your opponent uses Kiai they'll push you away, making close combat a bad choice. Using a straight beam attack causes the most damage, but if the opponent is fast you might want to try a homing one or maybe one that you can control. You can still move around during the battle giving you a chance to set up your attack, block or (as team 4-star would put it) DOOOODGE! So the battles are engaging, strategic and high-speed, just the way Dragon Ball should be. Also, don't ask me how, but the game sports many, many images taken directly from the manga during the battles. Looks great, and it must've been a grueling task to put in a Game Boy cartridge. But, the game was only released in Japan and for the Game Boy that mangy animals wouldn't even urinate on nowadays. Another game that really feels like Dragon Ball is that Budokai Tenkaichi 3, but everyone already knows that, right? If only the story mode was a bit more expanded and the battle with Vegeta didn't end with him turning into a giant monkey that was literally ten times stronger than his earlier and already far too powerful form, and the weakened Goku just proceeded to somehow beat the crap out of him. The equivalence of a crippled baby putting that EVO-monster into a headlock, choking its freakish giraffe-ish neck. Complete Bolbox!

Resident Evil and Fatal Frame - What do these two games have in common? If you said that they're both scary, horrifying and nightmare inducing as nothing else, you're wrong! Resident Evil was considered scary when it first came out (kind of like Castlevania), but today more people are afraid of Barney the Dinosaur (And so would you be if you ever saw who was really under that costume). What they really have in common is that they're both Survival Horror games, and you'll be amazed at how quickly that genre went from dogs bursting through a window to some seriously disturbed stuff. I guess that people are scared by different things, some can't stand the quick scares of Resident Evil but don't mind the psychological horror in the good Silent Hill games and vice versa. It varies. Except when it comes to fatal Frame. Fatal Frame scares EVERYONE. The moment those Blinded ghosts start appearing and teleporting around you're going to need a change of underwear, whatever you were sitting on and friends present at the time. So how come this series isn't as well known as Resident Evil or Silent Hill? I really, really don't know. Yeah. I mean, I'm just a normal dude like you (unless you're a gal, which if you're reading this I'm guessing you're not), how should I know that? BUT. If I had to guess... It would be this: What contributes considerably to the horror aspect is the sense of weakness. You see, when people can't make their fears disappear by cutting through them with a chainsaw, it tears quite a bit at your sanity (For scientific references, look up Eternal Darkness). It's comparable a person with Arachnophobia not encountering one of the typical squishable spiders, but a gigantic eight-legged monster big as a horse ready to sink their unnaturally large and needlessly poisonous fangs into them. In this game you don't have a gun or a weapon of any kind, but a camera, and it only makes the enemies you defeat temporarily go away. You shouldn't rely on that, though? The ghosts are not only cheap but strong and one of them could easily kill you at full health if you're unlucky and run into one of the really bad ones. When you're moving through the mansion, you're constantly going "Please don't appear, please don't appear, please don't AAAHH! OH NO! A Warrior Monk! WHY!?". You can't outrun them either, because they can move AND attack through walls. Meanwhile your main character considers her options for about 10 seconds by each door, so have fun trying to flee. You're never safe from them either, because they can appear in save rooms too. So what do you do if you need to take a break? Well, you just pause your game and AAAAAHHH!!! BAD IDEA! The entire game is you being chased like a helpless rat by haunting visions that kill you. I really can't describe how scary this game is, but I'll try. The scares are endless - Half of them completely random because you were unlucky enough to look through your camera at the same moment a mutilated ghost appears in your face! The ghosts are frightening - A woman with a broken back forcing her to hover towards you backwards while still facing you is one of the less scary ones! The plot is horrific - There's not enough Brain Bleach in the world to compensate for what the Rope Maidens had to go through! Forget about President Weevil and Violent Chill, this here is the king of scary games! Which... Actually happens to be a bit of a flaw in the market. I lent this game to a friend that enjoyed Silent and Resident quite a bit, and he returned it after one day. "Why?" I asked. "Well, I got to that guy that pops up behind you and then in front of you, and I didn't really feel like it...". Riiiiight. So I lent it to another friend who returned it after a few days, claiming that she could no longer sleep and acted like I had wronged her somehow. One of the most shocking examples was a local gaming magazine here in Sweden that obviously had not played the game very far and claimed that the main issue with the game was the fact that the main character's footsteps sounded wrong, and they gave it a low score because of that. 5/10. I'm not kidding. Geez, I didn't even know you could screw that up! Those footsteps sounded completely fine to me! They didn't even mention much about the Ghosts, how odd! Needless to say I quickly unsubscripted from that load of Bolbox and turned to GameFAQs for my gaming reviews. 3/10 for Resident Evil 4? Sounds reliable!

Ah, good ol' Al, A.K.A Din. This being my favorite (and first) Disney movie of all time with a main character that I try to base my personality upon, when they were releasing a game for it in the early nineties I started doing cartwheels in my crib. In an interesting fashion there were actually two completely different Aladdin games coming out at the same time, one for the SNES and one for the Genesis. The one for the SNES was made by the occasionally great, perpetually greedy Capcom, while the one for the Genesis was made by... Virgin Interactive!? What, a record company branching out into video games is challenging Capcom? Come on, that's like watching that monster from EVO battle an infant crippled from cartwheeling too much. So while it seemed to be a clear cut case of which version would be the better one and which would contain eight Madonna references, in every ad for these games that I would see there would be side-by-side comparisons of the two. The SNES version was quickly set as the typical "Jump on enemies" platformer formula and looked pretty... Generic. Meanwhile, the genesis version sported things such as sword dueling, lots of music taken directly from the movie, a shop where you could buy items, slick graphics, more levels positively filled with interactivities and... Wait, is that Abu holding a sword? A MONKEY WEARING A FEZ AND WIELDING A SCIMITAR IS A PLAYABLE CHARACTER!? And look! There's a bathroom for men, women and genies! And the Genie shot Gilbert Gottfried with a real gun! AHAHAHA! The genesis version's style can't be denied, it clearly looked like the superior version and had tons of people buying that instead of the super greybox's counterpart, letting Sonic take a quick breather from carrying the fate of that thing on his frail, spiky back for so long. I mean, how could the 1000th Mario rip-off with a somewhat sluggish main character ever compare to something like that? As I found out after spending so much time with Genesis (The band - I never had any Sega consoles. Phil Collins was my Sonic), it could! Aladdin for the SNES is a terrific platformer! The levels are atmospheric and enjoyable, and doing acrobats years later performed by another guy brining down Jaf(f)ar is really fun! While the music in the movie has been some of my favorite since I was 3 years old, the new tunes in this games are actually great! It would have warranted a spot on my "Best VG Music You have Never Heard" had I not been so forgetful (Same with Mickey Mania. Seriously, can I do a re-do of that thing?) So while the Genesis version had a lot of style, the SNES was just a good game all around. Sadly this isn't as apparent unless you've played both of them, which 15 years ago would warrant you for a beat-down with the rare combined forces of both Nintendo and Sega fans.

You know what was cool when I was a kid? Yeah you do, if only you would look slightly up and to the left. Done? Good. (While you looked away I hacked your computer) Anyway, back then video games were about as cool as Rick Moranis' glasses and only half as big, but the one game that was an exception to that was Mortal Kombat II, mostly because it had blood, gore and looked like a towering monster in the arcade. Super Street Fighter II was cowering in the corner of the arcade, hoping that someone would get blinded by MK II's awesomeness and accidentally put a quarter in it. It happened once or twice, leading me to demanding my money back after a round against an impossible T. Hawk. I was a fan back then and I am a fan now... Of Mortal Kombat II. Everything Mortal Kombat since then I couldn't care less about, especially when they replaced the slick realistic characters with 3-D polygons, taking away the vital factor of making it look like you were dismembering real people (which, while not recommended feels awesome). However, a few years ago they decided to make a two-player adventure through the events of Mortal Kombat II and some of I. "Events" referring to the different backgrounds to which you rip someone's spine out. Interested, and because I heard that it would contain the arcade version of MK II (Which it DIDN'T, PAL-hating meanies!) I bought the game and played through it with my one true player two. Maybe it's just because I was a fan of MK II, but I thought the game was great! There aren't enough good 2-player games out there that are offline, and an entire adventure/beat 'em up was like a breath of fresh air on Putrid Street, where everything smells like homeless people (except for the homeless people, that in order to fulfill their role in society actually smell worse). It wasn't just any beat 'em up either, you could use a variety of special moves, combos, throws and fatalities (The last one being especially pleasing). The fanservice was endless! Hundreds of references to rumors and glitches from the original games, tons of brutality with Sais to the eyes and some of the best good-bad cheesiness in ages (Manifesting itself into the flesh of Johnny Cage whenever present). It's simply great! The game is acclaimed by a lot of people with some giving it a bad wrap for butchering the storyline of MK I and II (Storyline? I totally thought it was April's Fools when I read that stuff), but there is a problem with it that I cannot ignore, even when souped up on maximum fanboyism (Give it a year or two, and that'll be an actual word). Like a console with wireless remotes yet with the "ON" button on the console itself, it could've used some more time in the shop. There are glitches everywhere in the game, and I'm not talking the "Get 15 stars and jump against this hill for an hour until you eventually climb it", but the kind where you're just walking on the road and suddenly fall through it. Or when you try to rip the spine out of your enemy while Kung Lao is somehow teleported outside a window and is stuck while the screen won't move. How about your save just being deleted, which happened to most people and me TWICE. It's pretty bad when anyone that has played the game has encountered at least a few glitches. Did the beta testers just get really, really lucky or something? Also, when you complete the game it has been designed in a way that you can choose two completely different characters to play through it with without it impacting the gameplay. The problem - There are about 10 different characters playable in the versus mode that would have been playable in the main game just as much as the two extra you get from beating the game! They all have a variety of special moves and code users find that they work perfectly fine... You know how in the past they would tease us with things such as Kano transformations and Ermac whos? This is different in the sense that instead of just mentioning it, this had already been programmed into the game! If only they had given us an actual interactive option to choose them! And then there's a Survival Mode that is almost fully functional, but can only be accessed by abusing a glitch that SHOULDN'T EVEN BE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! I can't help but feel that the omission of the MK II Arcade is the least of this game's pro... No, never mind, that's totally it's biggest problem. They can't just omit something like that from the PAL release! They should have had a big note on the box that said "WARNING: MK II is included in the other releases but NOT THIS ONE! Buy Midway Arcade Treasures instead, it's on two shelves below this one, next to Samurai Showdown. Actually, you'd probably be better off buying that game instead". Was the release rushed? Was the rush released? It's got me confuzzled, and the bottom line is that all we got was a game that required a little polish to become a classic of the series, and maybe even could've gotten a sequel one day. Like, today? Hmm, four years and still nothing. Dunno about you, but I'm feelin' lucky about tomorrow!

For exchange, I'll do the minor flaw before rambling about the game like a madman this time. You know what gets even less attention than an obscure game? An obscure game found only on an obscure gaming system. And back in 1992, the PC was a very obscure gaming system. Today my PC plays Fallout 3 better than my friends new Xbox 360, but back then the PC was competing against Mac with their epic flagships Solitaire and Shadowgate. Let's not even get started on the 3DO, I don't even think that was a real game system. Like it was an April's Fools joke or something - That's about how long that thing lasted on the market, anyway. To get back on topic, unlike what the case might seem to be I am not a fan of 'old school' gaming. Sure, I praise games such as Super Metroid and Mega Man, but if these games were released today I probably wouldn't even spit upon them if they were on fire and it would cure world hunger. The gameplay might be great, but the graphics are terrible, the controls questionable and the storyline quite lacking in everything. That's why I had absolutely zero (point zero zero zero...) expectations for this game. If you are a gaming connoisseur (Or as I like to call it, 'Gamingosaur', double entendre intended), chances are that you've heard the name "The Ur Quan Masters" before. If not, don't worry - I wouldn't remember a stupid name like that either. I heard it was kind of like Mass Effect if it had been made 15 years earlier, in other words an empty husk of utter disappointment. But apparently the hot blue babes from Mass Effect were in it, so I decided to go against my better judgment and give it a try. My judgment was very, very wrong, and this turned out to be one of the most entertaining games I've ever played. If it wasn't for the fact that Pacman looks like HD next to it, it would have been one of the best games that I've ever played. It's SO FUN! In the game you travel around in space in a spaceship... Mind you, it's already awesome, because it's a replica the actual universe that we live in, from Sol (Our solar system) to Gamma Cassiopeia (Dunno, but it's big and not so far away). Learning is fun! Anyway, you'll soon notice that space is anything but empty - Beyond those stars live many different kinds of aliens, waging wars against each other or just chilling out. The variety, quirkiness and incredible writing make these aliens extremely entertaining. One race is a bunch of formless gas-clouds that lives on a gas giant and get embarrassed when you ask them about their "glowing parts", a group a horrible lizards that exterminate humans because they look so hideous and one race out to enslave all sentient life in order to prevent it from being destroyed. One alien species follows their deities very obediently, and if you impersonate these deities you can get them to attack a race of fierce warriors, stop using the word "you" or call themselves "Stinkrats", affecting the entire population whenever you meet them! Each race has a particular part of the galaxy occupied, and while some of them are peaceful a lot of them attack you when you try to enter their turf! The battle system features many extremely different ships with completely different ways of attacking their opponent! The depth and features of this game are mindblowing and simply has to be seen to be believed! It's even been released as an open source and given a boost in graphics and compatibility... Definitively recommended!

Hold it! Sonic 3, not a classic? OBJECTION! Well, it isn't, and if this was a case in court you would now be penalized for yelling and pointing while your client keeps banging his fists against the desk and cursing out your family. You see, you're either thinking of Sonic & Knuckles 3, or Sonic 3 as not as good as Sonic 2. This would not have been the case had it not been for two minor, yet major flaws. First of all, I hate the excuse that they had to "rush the release" of a game more than any other. Either take a month extra to fix all the game's issues or work extra hard with it, don't just release it unfinished and expect us to show mercy! Every game can't be released around Christmas, someone's going to have to grow a pair and release it in January. But when I was a kid, the fact that Sonic 3 was a rushed release never hit me. I mean, now that I think about it it all makes sense. Less than half the length of previous games, lame final stage and boss, abrupt ending... Remember the final stages in Sonic 2? Metropolis' three acts, battle on a flying fortress and finally heading into space for a final epic showdown. Sonic 3's final stage was a dull launch base where the least horrible enemies were frogs with balls on chains. The LEAST. What about the epicness? And what happened to Knuckles, he got knocked down from a pillar, then what? He just... Evaporated? I've never seen of an Echidna before, maybe they do that? I mean, apparently they soar and climb walls, so... You see... Huh? Apparently, Sonic and Knuckles 3 is what Sonic 3 was supposed to be had it not been rushed, and instead we had to connect two games in order to get one decent, hardly legitimizing it as an actual game in some communities. I mean, it's TWO games copulating on your Sega Genesis. The SNES would never allow that. "Hey Mario, hey Zelda... Wait, what are you two doing? NO! GET OFF ME! I don't know what those Sega freaks told you, but that is NOT COOL!" Comparing Sonic 3 and Knuckles to Super Mario World wouldn't work, Super Mario World 2 would have to join in on the fun and completely crush the opposition. It's Frankenstein's game, sown together from the parts of other, expired games! However, there was one more thing about Sonic 3 that would come to haunt me and many other gamers for the rest of our lives. More haunting than acidic air - More enraging than an exploding toothbrush! Even worse than that spike pit in the cave zone of Sonic 2 which was pretty mean if you happened to be invincible, since the only way of getting out was dying which took forever (Why Tails wouldn't fly you out of there is an issue of its own). I am, of course, talking about the barrel of level 4. Or as I like to call it, AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!! What you need to realize before reading about this blight upon all gamingkind is that glitches weren't all that uncommon back then. You were glad if the game didn't glitch out after the second level. What happens is that by the end of level 4, you are trapped in a room with no exit, except for a hole in the floor that is covered by a barrel. When you jump on the barrel, it moves down and up in a rhythmic pattern. So the idea is to make it move up far enough so that you can run into the hole underneath it and good times will be had by all. So we started jumping. We all did. Trying to time it so that you land on the barrel when it's on the way down to increase the swaying. The first problem is that Tails is with you, copying your every move a second too late and screwing up the timing. So unless you have a friend controlling him, you'll want to put him by the side by using controller 2, which hardly works since he starts moving on his own after a while. So you're jumping. Jumping. "Ah, missed the timing! One more try. Jumping. Jumping. There! Now, now to jump off the barrel and run underneath the... Hey, wait! No, move up again! Aw crap, now I've got to start all over again! Oh no, now Tails is back, stay away! You're not helping, you furry freak of nature! Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you, it's just this barrel... Can we fly past this spot? No? Man, can we go back? NO!? But... This is impossible! What's that sound, I'm running out of time? Great, at least I can die and maybe find a way around this thing. Wait, what do you mean there's no other way? B-But...!" - And there it ended for me and so many others. We never got past that one area. No matter how many times we tried, we could never figure it out. So here's how to get past it - If you stand on it and press up, nothing happens. If you stand on it and press down, nothing happens. BUT, If you stand on it and press up, THEN press down, THEN press up in a rhythmic pattern, the bloody thing starts moving. Mind you that UP is never used in this game, that button could be turning on a light in a small village in France for all we knew. I had three mapped walkthroughs of this game collected from magazines, NONE OF THEM mentioning a solution to this horrid puzzle. I remember going as low as calling an old girlfriend up that I knew had played the game, asking her how to get past it. She was thoroughly disgusted and hung up. Huh. She... Must also have been traumatized by that accursed cylinder! It's such a pointless trap that side from allowing you to hear that horrific drowning music on land, actually attack the player by wasting their time and making them feel stupid when after 15 years the solution is revealed! This barrel halved the already halved game for many gamers, and left us with a quarter of a game, or two games put together. Would it have been so hard to make ONE game? You know, without first combining two of them and then waiting for 9 months? At least they went with the good ol' cloning procedure for future releases. Speaking of cloning...

Star Wars games are a very mixed bag for me. Some of them I like, mostly those with stunning graphics and blaring action. In other words, those based on the original trilogy. Then there are the ones where you spend 5 hours trying to negotiate with Dur’Ban about the future of people you don’t like on a planet you hate in order to prevent yourself from becoming evil and having to slaughter the few people you actually care about by the end of the game. In other words, just about anything involving the Expanded Universe or New Trilogy stuff. So I stay as far away from those as possible and so far I have been right in every scenario. Except for one game. In case you somehow skipped the title up there (which is a very disturbing course of action and should be discussed with a psychiatrist post haste), it’s Star Wars: Republic Commando. I am always a fan of when game series try new things, which is why I was saddened when I heard that they were making a Star Wars game where you would take the role of a Clone Trooper and his squad to see the Clone Wars from a different point of view. Battlefield with clones and droids, right? Battlefront with only the bad era, huh? Well, as I was getting steadily sicker of Battlefront II I decided to check this one out, and what I got is still to this day one of the very, very few First Person Shooters that I enjoyed. Let’s start by saying that if the guys that designed this game had designed the Prequel Trilogy movies, they would have actually been GOOD. Yeah I know, it's hard to grasp, but hear me out... You start off in Kamino, a dark and gritty training facility. Or as seen in the movies, a brightly lit high-tech facility that looks like a 5-year olds imaginary tea party aboard the super happy fun spaceship. You spend all of your childhood there (Or more accurately, 2 minutes) before you’re thrust into the battle of Geonosis, a vast planet crawling with fearsome warrior insects that would do nicely in Peter Jackson’s King Kong, hidden bunkers with turrets and underground facilities. Or as seen in the movie, that orange planet with sand, cheesy acting and lame CGI. No, not Tatooine! The one where Christopher Lee was hiding! So the game works in a typical FPS, which starts to get old pretty quickly. But just about when I’m getting bored and feel like turning the game off (2, 3 minutes into the game?), you’re introduced to your squad. And from that point on the game is just an action-filled funfest from beginning to end. It’s amazing how people seem to think that it’s somehow OK to have dull, uninteresting characters in a game (Like Fallout 3 or Oblivion… But I’ll get to those some other day). Your squad in this game are all quirky, lovable yet very different characters. You have six-two ‘Scorch’, a lighthearted jokester that is actually funny instead of annoying like most comedians (Although he likes to blow things up just as much as the one from Watchmen) and is wearing orange, kind of like Michelangelo from TMNT. Then there’s oh-seven ‘Sev’, a guy who is very good at his job… Which happens to be ripping out the guts of the organic and sniping the heads of battledroids and watch them stumble around. Sev is one of those rare psychotic yet lovable types, getting a nod of approval every time he feasts upon the brains of his enemies. OK, so I never SAW him do that one, but then again who’s looking? He is a hothead and wears red, kind of like Raphael from TMNT. Four-oh ‘Fixer’ is the clinical guy doing stuff by the textbook… Again, ripping out guts and killing battledroids. But he’s smart and will be sure to notify you of your poor leadership if you send someone to revive a squadmate standing right under a gigantic spiderdroid. He wears blue or purple, can’t remember, kind of like Donatello from TMNT. And then there’s you, three-eight ‘Boss’ that is every bit as awesome as the original Boba Fett (But wait, isn’t he a clone too? Curse you, convoluted prequel storyline!), which is quite a lot of awesome but still nothing compared to the new characters that are on your team. A leader character, kind of like Leonardo from TMNT. In fact, you could see this as the only TMNT where the characters are properly expressed! And it's not even TMNT! To shorten this part up, they all have great voices combined with the best acting I have ever heard in a game (Note: THE best. Seriously, check out a clip or two by whatever means possible, take hostages if you have to. How these voice actors can switch between lighthearted jokes and deadly action so easily is incredible), they all have lots of things to say and their AI is great. The AI is great in the way that it’s really good, but not too good. They aim well, but if you stand in their line of fire they might shoot you accidentally. They can handle themselves, but if the situation gets hairy they might get knocked unconscious. It makes it feel like you’re playing with equals on your team, not some crappy AI or overly strong characters. Also, every contact with the enemy in this game is completely different from the next. It might be the same enemies, but the area and other factors always play into you having to come up with a new strategy to suit the current situation (Or if you’re playing on Easy, just running around meleeing everything until they explode). This is one of the most fun games I’ve ever had the pleasure of playing, and the reviewers on this site would agree. So how come it isn’t better known? Simple. As just about everyone will tell you, it’s too short. Now, my first playthrough took me more than 10 hours to get through, so I don’t really know what people are complaining about. The game is short, but it’s packed tightly with content. They could easily have stretched it out to make it twice as long with all the content, but then it would be just like every other FPS that repeats themselves to their boring, predictable grave. Another problem is the multiplayer – To be fair, I’ve only played about three games online in my life, but this one was just… Bad. In a game revolving around teamwork and exploration it’s the typical “We’re all inside a closed area, let’s kill each other!” scenario with the occasional flag throw into the mix. Most weapons are too good, with the Wookie Launcher and grenades being completely impossible to avoid. The levels are complicated and lacks any sort of radar, making you run around forever trying to find someone to pump plasma bolts into. All in all, BAD. But the single player game is really a treat… It’s kind of short, but it’ll be the most fun you’ll ever have in a Star Wars game or FPS. Now, pleeeeease make a sequel! Not that joke for the cellphone, an s-e-q-u-e-l! I mentioned you near the top of the list, what else can I do!? Don’t make a cliffhanger and leave it unresolved, it’s not fair, I’m losing sleep over it for crying out loud! I warn you - I have hostages! All over the world at all times, some of them are not even born yet... These are PREMIUM hostages! SEQUEL, NOW!

Yeah, I'll explain it in a moment. Let me start by saying that I am not a fan of Pokemon. I have never seen a franchise milked so badly and with such intensity, it puts Capcoms and Friday the 13ths combined shame to shame. It's like they have poor Pikachu strung up in a cellar somewhere, completely malnourished and hanging from the ceiling in chains. Then Nintendo comes into the cellar and says "We just released a new console. You know what that means, right?" as they put a bucket under Pikachu and shut off the surveillance cameras. OK, fine, when the first game came out I was really into it, but back then a particularly red balloon would've grabbed my attention for a week. I was 9 years old. Anyway, I can't live with the series has so much potential, and it is being wasted by Gamefreak moving forward in evolution at the speed of an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping. With the release of HeartGold and SoulSilver that people have somehow started playing, although as I’m writing this there are two days remaining until the first Japanese release (not quite clear on how that one works) it's more apparent than ever. WHY do you have to choose from three different Pokemon at the start when there's like 500 of them? It wouldn't change the plot even the slightest, and even if they banned all the Pokemon that are unfairly strong that still leaves around 500 of them! And the fact that it wouldn't change the plot is because these games don't have one - The plot is crammed so full with ridiculous concepts, unexplainable mysteries and avoided explanations that a summarization of it it could only be done justice with this question: Why anything? Forget nitpicking about how you could possibly store them on computers, why they all want to kill you but when you catch them they immediately become your best friends and why a 10-year old kid has to bring down large criminal associations while the police is some kind of optical illusion, let's just gather them all into one gigantic box marked 'denial'. That's why when a spin-off of the series came along that dared to try something new with the plot, and it not being like this: "Match three blocks of the same color and you'll get extra points! By the way, what happened to all other existence? Never mind, WO-HOO! I got a full row!". The spin-off that I am talking about is... Well, you can see it at the top of this entry, right above that disturbing Pikachu scenario. I had to go on a 12-hour bus ride some time ago and lent this game and Megaman ZX (which was terrible, hence why I played Pokemon instead) from a friend, and ended up liking it so much that I played through all of it, even after I had gotten home. So, how is the Mystery Dungeon spin-off different? First of all, the Pokemon have personalities and talk. To put some polish on that, they all have individual and interesting personalities and lots of fun things to say. To make it shine as brightly as my faucet after an OCD scrubbing fit, you enjoy the company of the Pokemon thanks to their great personalities and even the dullest of subjects keeps your attention for the whole sentence. Like me! HEY, are you sleeping!? This'll wake you up - The plot of the game is incredible in the way that it fools you into thinking that it's just a lighthearted predictable funfest. As a matter of fact, IT ISN'T. This game has one of the most unpredictable and great plots I've ever seen, with massive twists that are insane yet comprehensible that changes your situation and very purpose of existence more than once. And in a shocking display having a pair, this game contains many emotional and dark, DARK scenarios. You know how Pokemon is usually all happy faces and 'fainting' and stuff? These Pokemon go from contemplate SUICIDE. It's not even glossed over or done as a joke, it's a major plot point! And you thought that a Pokemon game was never going to tug at your heartstrings? Think again! By the end of this you'll be blubbing like if you were hit by a strong gust of garlic while having the hairs in your nose set on fire! Of course, those parts only serve to make the lighthearted parts feel even more rewarding. Kind of like being a martyr and getting a pat on the back (Although it's amazing how little that pat will tide you over once the flames start working on your ankles). The one problem that people seem to have with the game is that it's Pokemon/it's not Pokemon. Time to explain. A lot of fans of the Pokemon franchise have amazingly enough grown accustomed to the slave-driving gladiator-esqe world of the original series. They're mad to see the Pokemon talk and live in communities, spouting nonsense such as "Where are all the humans?". THEY ATE THEM ALL, OK? Happy now? Basically they don't like it because it's not Pokemon... It IS Pokemon, but not the Pokemon they know and love. Meanwhile, there's that other group that I associate strongly with that see Pokemon as a childish mindnumbing franchise completely unlike whatever highly intellectual cartoons we were enjoying when we were young, like Earthworm Jim (I mean, he slips into that suit and gets arms and legs, what's there NOT to understand?). They don't want to try it out simply because it's Pokemon... It ISN'T Pokemon, but odds are you're going to converse with a yellow rodent or two with humongous eyes before the game is over. Plus, the gameplay is kind of repetitive and has some seriously annoying aspects to it... But that didn't bother me. The story more than made up for that, and so will the case be for you too if you just give this hidden gem of hidden gems a chance. If not, feel free to try your hand at...

I know that there has been some confusion surrounding this subject, but let me assure you - THIS. IS. BATTLETOOOOADS! The hardcore yet affectionate version of TMNT, with Rash, Zits, and... Oh, never mind, even I don't care about that aspect of the series. Battletoads is most prominently known for its notoriously difficulty (especially among Gamestop staff members more recently), something that is quite accurate. I have been playing Battletoads for the NES for several years ever since I was 9 years old. Two months ago I beat it for the first time on an actual NES without codes or warps. In other words, this game took me 10 YEARS TO BEAT! 10 YEARS! And an even more shocking fact is that I couldn't have had more fun doing it! You see, if you manage to see past the difficulty part, Battletoads is in many ways the best game ever made for the NES, definitively up there with Super Mario Bros 3. The graphics, sound and controls are all flawless, peaking what was possible on that tiny cartridge. What truly makes Battletoads shine is the fact that it has 12 levels, each of them completely different from the next. It's like they took 12 different games and put the best parts of them into one. The only real beat 'em up level is the first, while the others range from platform jumping between snakes and spikes (That laughs, mocks and steals the lunch money of the FLUDD-less parts from Mario Sunshine to no end), flying an airplane while dodging fireballs and rockets and racing a rat much faster than you to the bottom of a tower. The glaring problem that would be created from one team essentially putting 12 games into one is that the design is sure to be lacking in some areas. Most games have a vehicle section near the end or a minigame that obviously wasn't given as much effort as the rest of the game. 12 of these... They can't all be good, right? They are, and this is what amazes me about Rare even to this day (Although not rare OF this day - I think they've fired just about all the original guys by now) - The level design of each level is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. The game throws something new at you at almost every single obstacle. In the second half of the Airplane level, you have to dodge walls of fire by going through the small openings of them. Then they start closing, making you move forward. Then they start OPENING, forcing you to move back. Then the walls disappear and you're barraged with lots of fireballs that you have to dodge. Then missiles start flying from the bottom of the screen, only to come from above as well. THEN, the walls of fire appear, but without a notice of where the openings are going to be making you die once or twice to figure out the pattern. And finally, the walls of fire speed up to inhuman levels with the last opening requiring precise timing and extensive planning to get through. This is HALF of the Airplane level, and also every level in the game. Trial and error is your only hope of having any chance since so much new stuff is coming at you at every twist and turn, which brings us to the other major problem of the game: No passwords. Limited continues. Meaning that if you die, you DIE. That's one life less that is going to give you a definitive Game Over when you finally get to the last level. In typical sadistic fashion the levels all get progressively harder... You think Level 3 (Turbo Tunnel) is bad? That's the third easiest level in the game! Losing even a single life there is shameful! To give one more level example - Level 9, Terra Tubes. For those that tried completing this game on a real NES without savestates and such, this is the true landmark of vileness. The fact that it's one of the later levels in one of the hardest games ever made that lacks a save system, password system and infinite continues is just the spicing. This level is by far the longest level in the game, riddled with obstacles... Such as enemies that shoot at you from offscreen and kill you in one hit if you touch them, dodging vicious spikes in a move-left-or-right segment, three races against an Advancing Wheel Of Doom that forces you to rush through some really nasty environments filled with spikes and roadblocks, an underwater part with spikes where Electric Eels randomly spawn, randomly attack and therefore randomly KILL YOU because yo really have no control underwater, meaning that if you're lucky, you live. Any sane level would be over by now, but no, not Terra Tubes. After all that you're greeted with three more Advancing Wheel Of Doom races, this time underwater and MUCH MORE DIFFICULT. If, against all odds, you survive these races, you get another segment of swimming underwater with spikes and enemies, this time also a lot harder than the first. Not only are the eels back, but also Hammerfishes and normal sharks that are faster and knock you into spikes easier. Did I mention that at one point you encounter a few of these in a corridor of spikes, and even if you dodge the spikes perfectly one touch from them will send you to your doom? If I didn't, it's because of the next part of the stage, where Rubber Ducks come at you and kill you if they get near. There's no avoiding them, so your only hope is to get them to turn around and attack them from behind. This usually works, but sometimes the game glitches and they turn around once you start beating them and kill you. The final duck comes from the front with no means of making it turn around, you have to time your punch precisely at the right time to beat it, or you're dead. Then comes the last part of the level: Another move-left-or-right segment, one so hard that it makes Level 3 look like Fireman defeating Icecream. It's not the hardest level, but by far the most annoying because of its length, fake difficulty, REAL difficulty and the inability to warp past it. Even the best veterans of this game that can beat Level 3 flawlessly every time usually lose a couple of lives or credits here. Needless to say, this difficulty alienated 99% of gamers, leaving only a selected few (presently located in Arkham Asylym) to enjoy this masterpiece. Another subject that I'd love to bring up is that this game in an amazing twist of fate actually SAVED MY LIFE. Without lying, I would be dead or paralyzed today had it not been for this game. But seeing how that's irrelevant to the list, never mind. -_- Anyway, some people see Pacman or Donkey Kong as timeless classics - Battletoads is my version of that. 10 years later, and it is still the best game that I have ever played. If you don't believe me, look at the length of this paragraph! It's the EVO-monster of entries!

... Is what I thought before I had written the other entries. How ironic this list will not reach true stardom because of a minor flaw - It's too long! But it's not like I want to change that... I'm actually starting to sympathize with the creators of the games on this list. Actually, I already do, because each game on this list is very important to me for one reason or another. So if they could just do more action filled games about evolution, remake or at least try to emulate (It's a real word!) one of the few good Dragon ball games, revoke the cancellation of that Fatal Frame for the Wii in the US or maybe even *gasp* release it in EU, put Capcom back in charge of making movie licensed games and/or make a new Aladdin game, give us some more two-player adventure games that aren't first person shooters, give old masterpieces the chance of outclassing the games of today, stop rushing releases and not designing the feedback in things in a way that would make Donald Norman do backflips in his grave, make a long overdue sequel, finally realize the true potential of a series or stop playing a game just because it's too hard. The next time that you face a game that is good but some minor flaws, weird interface or maybe an annoying type of enemies... Don’t flee! Grit your teeth, stretch your knuckles and enjoy the good parts of the game that stands before you as you complete it gallantly and can boast about it later. It will give you the determination of an enraged Rhinoceros coming home from a long day at work, finding someone in his pajamas, smoking his cigars and in bed with his wife. And who knows, it might even save your life some day, like it did with me. So forget about mods, cheats and keep playing... Wuss!

List by SuperShadowman (09/22/2009)