Top 10 Lists : The Top 10 Lamest Special Moves Ever

It's not like they're bad, if almost all of them take a noticeably time for charging: the character stands still for a little more than half a second, and then launches an energy wave, a fire ball, a shuriken or whatever. In any case, chances of actually dealing any noticeable damage with such attacks are next to zero, as any AI opponent (and and Human opponent with at least two inches of forehead - I don't really know how do you said that in America) blocks the attack - that if he/she doesn't ram you directly for a pretty noticeable damage. This game favors close quarter combats, I guess...

Yo! Nevan's 3rd level Swordmaster move! 1st level was pretty damaging for air combat, and 2nd level moves were just plain cool! What goes next!?? A pretty loathsome chargeable move, Drive-tier. I guess it might actually be pretty damaging, but it takes ages to charge, and as (unlike the Drive movement) you can't move while charging the move, you're more likely gonna get bashed and asskicked than doing actually a single bit of that damage from that move (which I guess it may be great, but an überstrike that doesn't connect is as good as poo). It might have some tactical use, but I just can't imagine a scenery in which such a move has any use in a game where speed and badassness is the key.

Aka the lamest limit breaks ever. Both are four-level limit breaks, and are supposed to kick ass like no tomorrow; but both of them happens to deal a single blow for up to 9999 damage (yeah; they damage everyone on screen, but four-level limit breaks are so outrageously difficult to get (oddly enough that's not the case of Cosmo Memory) that they're supposed to kick ass like the top-tier summons, spells and materia, and in a game where even regular attacks can deal more damage than 9999 (that's it; via multi-hit), any top-tier move without multi-hit is just laaaame (yep: Ultima deals a single blow, but that's not top-tier in this game; it's highhigh-tier. Knights of the Round ARE top-tier). Too bad this Final Fantasy doesn't feature an ability for Limit gauge exchange, like FFX does (which by the way makes any nonWakka overdrives pretty loathsome, but more about that later). CaitSith's Rells almost join with the others, but for pro players (aka anyone who can aim reels - it's not that difficult) it's the cheapest way to beat Ruby weapon, so no loathing.

I know Resident Evil series, like most Survival Horrors, has no Special Moves whatsoever, but since this is a kind of ammo you can only get via gunpowder-mixing (there're no pickups), this will do. In Hard (aka Normal) Difficulty, you can get special ammo for both handgun and shotgun via crafting ammo for those weapons lotsa times (pretty a waste of gunpowder, but ammo is scarce, so don't be that mean). Special Handgun Ammo isn't that bad (in fact is better than normal ammo), but it has a main flaw: only the normal gun can equip it, and by the time you get it, choices are: you've scraped the Handgun for good, or you've got the Desert Eagle, noticeably better and a good excuse for not wasting Shotgun Shells on zombies, as a Handgun substitute. Since this ammo doesn't make the Handgun noticeably better (you still can't face Hunters with it, or nothing bigger than zombies), it's just not worth all the effort and the gunpowder. Did I mention there're less gunpowder pickups in Hard (aka Normal; the game has just Easy and Hard) Difficulty?

Jigglypuff is by far the lamest and weakest character in Super Smash Bros; no doubt the lamest move belongs to him, and this time it happens to be it's trademark lullaby song. No joke: it freezes the bubblemón in place, open to whichever projectiles anyone might use (and since most characters use at least a projectile attack, that's not fun; Samus would lay waste on him) and yes, it makes the opponent/s fall asleep, but most of the time for as long as the lullaby lasts, and it's not fun to use a risky no-damaging attack if you cannot smack whoever you debuffed. It might be a useful move for team games (Jiggly sleeps and someone else hits), but this move just can't have anything resembling usefulness.

Also known as Blue Magic. Blue Magic is a pretty gimmicky feature in whichever Final Fantasy that features it, and most of the times is plain useless 'til you manage to find the correct skills (most of them pretty difficult to get). That said, there're games where Blue Magic is cheesy and useful (FFVIII, FFIX), or even kickass (FFVII), but in FFX they would as well toss that into the toilet and flush, 'cause that's all good Blue Magic can get in FFX: Blue Magic is Overdrive! I mean: how in Hell is supposed a utility magic of the likes of Full Barrier, Aqua Breath and White Wind (all of those, by the way, present in the game) be comparable to the all-stars Limit Breaks? Just repeat with me: Blue Magic is no Limit Break.

Pretty awesome card if you're a collectionist; pretty loathsome card if you're supposed to play it. This card makes nulls any damage dealt to Snake or Teliko (whoever is equiping the card) withing three turns; then the card banishes and you're down to 1 HP. Since chances of dealing with all the baddies withing three turns are next to naugh, chances of this card of having no use at all are next to infinite. This game is full of cards with little to no use ingame, but most of them are common; this one not only happens to be a rare card, but a SUPER rare card, and man; it gets pretty loathsome if by the time you fetch a Super Rare card in a booster, it happens to be a World's Lamest.

Also known as Pon-Pon-Chaka-Chaka! It's pretty funny - even hillarous - but it has little to no use whatsoever ingame; specially for being a kind of "secret move", and maybe the last move you can get. In a word, this song makes your Patapons attack for the next "turn" of sorts as if they were in Fever mode (a mode, by the way, you're most likely be most of the time - specially if you're supposed to beat the game, 'cause it's pretty unforgiving to whoever doesn't learn the ropes quickly), and it's usefulness while in Fever is next to naugh. Man; it's even worse than the Miracles (which by the way have little use outside some missions that directly require Miracles)! In fact, I use this song mostly for an easy laugh. If you really want your patapons to go wild, just spam PonPon timely 'til you hit Fever: if timing is right, you don't even need a full 10 combo, and that's not that difficult for anyone with a little experience with Guitar Hero.

Y'now, it's just too hard to say this without laughing. I mean: a projectile attack with LESS reach than a regular punch!?. I guess it might be any damaging (at least the special hadoken), but it can't be more hillarous; not even Tim Schafer can make this any more hillarous than it is. This goes second place in the Top 10, but it's just because: 1# - this move has somewhat use (at least the special hadoken); 2# - there's little cost in using this special move - it just means that you're playing a RuyKen Clone without Hadoken; and 3# - the First Lamest happens to look like something überpowerful and ends up being plain loathsome. So if the most loathsome special move from a beat'em up ever isn't the lamest ever, then which is...?

You could guess: the most loathsome special moves in a RPG ever. Like most Final Fantasy games before it, FFXII features Summons, called Espers in this game, and recicled from the Lucavi from Final Fantasy Tactics (which happens to be set in the same world - Ivalice). This time, Summoning makes the Esper appear as an ally in combat (replacing all nonsummoning allies, of course), á la FFX. Surely everyone here knows how kickass Summons were in FFX? Well, now they're as good as neutered: when you get your first Esper, it's pretty cool and cheesy, but once you go through the game a little longer (like... 'til you get the SECOND Esper?), they just can't get along. They're, almost all of them (save for some super-secret ones) a cheesy but plain useless special ability that isn't just worth the cost (up to all your mana for the strongest ones - and not even these are that strong), and if that doesn't mean lame, I just don't know what's lame then. All mana for a loathsome special ability: this one is without a doubt the lamest thing ever.

Sure thing: everyone knows the world's finest moves in any game, but no one can (nor should) forget the world's lamest; not just as a tip of what skills not to invest on nor which character not to play as (although that might make for a pretty neat challenge), but also for a laughful humorous token! Most of these features are actually comic reliefs, and if they happen not to be, they become even more hillarous (or plain loathsome - extremes aren't always a good idea)! I dare you readers to search for more Lamest Moves ever!!

List by HighEntomologist (01/11/2010)

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