Top 10 Lists : The Top 10 Pantless Protaganists

Our first character is a lesser known hero called Bubsy the Bobcat. Bubsy was supposed to be the next big thing since Sonic the Hedgehog but never got even close to his popularity. If you ever played the SNES game, you most likely noticed that Bubsy actions were similar to the controls of Knuckles from the Sonic series. The concept of the game was about a race of Aliens known as Woolies, that decided to steal the yarn from many of the creatures of Earth(Bubsy being one of those). Bubsy has to fight his way through five different levels to defeat the Woolies and get his yarn back. The reason he is so low on this list is due to the fact it is uncertain if he was a hero in this situation. There might have been a large outbreak of Alien butt cancer on the Woolies home planet and the only cure was yarn from Earth. The Woolies may not have had enough time to explain because Bubsy was too busy destorying their technology and medical supplies. Bubsy is still an excellent protaganist- well at least if you're from Earth.

For some reason, Gex was marketed as a "James Bond" parody in commericals. The actual game concept was obviously written by a madman on some far off island while he was on mushrooms. He's probably the same guy that made the design for the new Playstation motion controller. The beginning of Gex's story is anything but unrealisic because at first, the story just sounds like one of the designers of the game is telling the story of his life but then half way though the story the designer goes all Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson on Leathal Weapon aka CRAZY) on the storyline. The story starts with the main character Gex who lives with his parents in Hawaii. Gex's mom has a problem with him because he is watching too much television. Gex's mom decides that she should sell his television so he'll get a job. Gex then leaves his mom's home and moves in his friend's garage earning money by doing odd jobs. My best guess is around this time, the mushrooms started to kick in. The next idea that came up is to make Gex a talking lizard. Then make him have a billionaire uncle that bequeths all of his money to him. Then somehow Gex's is magically transported to the Media Dimension by someone name Rez who wants to take over the world by making Gex his mascot???? Drugs are the only answer for a storyline like this. Drugs for the creators of this game as well as the people that thought this would be a great idea. Anyway, despite the questionable storyline, Gex is an interesting character and his first game was pretty fun as well as difficult. I just have to remember to have a pen and paper the next time I plan on doing heroin because I might think of an awesome platforming game.

Daxter is more known as the sidekick of Jak in the Jak series. As the years passed Jak became a much more dark character and had no need for a wise cracking sidekick so Daxter went to the unemployment office. Originally he worked as a stunt double for Bubsy, but eventually received his big break on the Playstaion Portable. The game wasn't really that fun unfortunately but because of his history with Jak, his heroics were glorified for a few short years. I truely believe that this character has the potential to be a part of a really great game- if he would shut up for a few seconds.

When you first play ToeJam and Earl your probably wondering "why do I have to bring hip hop back to this world?". The early 90s weren't too good for hip hop culture. At the time, "New Jack Swing" was transitioning to "Gangsta" and the process was anything but pretty. Let me stay on the subject of the characters; From the first look at ToeJam and Earl you would think the design of the characters were inspired from Public Enemy (Chuck D and Flava Flav) but the designer says he was inspired by Herbie Hancock who didn't even rap; he just made hip hop breakdancing music (Awesome music though). ToeJam was the pantsless character of the group. He was supprisingly non-violent only throwing tomatoes at enemies. If only the people that attacked 2pac, Notorious B.I.G, Big L, Mac Dre, Jam Master Jay used tomatoes instead of bullets. Rapper like Jaekwon, Soulja Boy and pretty much anyone that made a song that involves you doing some strange dance, would have never been given the oppurtunity to rap.

In a land full of dragons, which dragon can save the day? The smallest one. This actually reminded me of Rudolf the Red nose Reindeer except I didn't feel like a loser after the ending. This game I consider to be the most fun in this top ten. Spyro went against some very large bosses and the patterns of the boss's attacks changes randomly. Also, in his most recent games, Spyro is voiced by Froto (Elija Wood) so Spyro now comes with the power of the ring. Okay I will avoid doing any LOTR references for the rest of this top ten. Spyro was living in the land of Artisans when suddenly all of the dragons except for Spyro, were trapped into dragon shaped crystals. In order to save all five dragon lands, Spyro had to battle the evil wizard Saruma-- Aww crap. Forget it- lets go to the next hero.

As you can see, Rash is the only character in this top ten that's name isn't in the title of the game. He is also in the toughest game in this top ten. Rash though obviously inspired by another group of fighting amphibians, is still a great protaganist. Rash had to save his teammate Pimple as well as Princess Angelica from the cluches of the big breasted Dark Queen looks like she could be Emma Frost's (slightly more) evil twin. He took down all of his enemies by morphing his body parts into very large and very dangerous versions of weapons. The heroics involved in this game include space travel, repelling down the deepest pit in the universe, driving a unbeliveably fast wave runner without the aid of water, all while fighting off pigs that for some reason are in S&M costumes. Actually I just thought of what the Dark Queen wore so that would explain the pig's wardrobe. Now that I mentioned that, what did the Dark Queen do with Zitz and Princess Angelica while they were in captivity? The only thing that's bouncing in my mind is the disturbing scene from Pulp fiction with frogs and pigs instead of people. Regardless, Rash is an awesome protagonist but if you could beat this game, you are the true hero.

Now to a more worldly known character. Donkey Kong wears a tie, no shirt, no pants. He must of been in a hurry to work to forget the majority of his suit. It's actually kind of weird: Just in case you don't know the Donkey Kong in the SNES series and the game I'm currently refering to, is not the original Donkey Kong. This character is actually Donkey Kong Jr from the original arcade game. He wore a white wrestling singlet but I guess when he got older, decided that he needed some freedom for his banana. His Super Smash Bros version is pretty cool too. Some people say he's a "cheap" character because of his ground smashing attack: I say "who has time to actually learn how to play a game nowadays?" I have sandwiches to eat and top tens to write; I just don't have the time for working on my 'skills'. Ground smash FTW!

I just want to say who's idea was it to change Kirby's default color to pink? I played the original Game version and I knew he was white (well technically he was green because the first gameboy was a stupid, off color, four AA battery draining, bastard). I didn't care that the white Kirby looked like an obese member of the Ku Klux Klan; its better than pink. I really wanted to put him at number one because he has the best abilities out of all the characters in this top ten. Though his games were the possible the easiest thing since breathing subconsiously, I still enjoyed the gameplay as well as the boss fights. I just really don't care for the color pink. I will change Kirby to number one as soon as I get saved from the Joker by Batman while he's wearing the costume that Ralphie wore in "A Christmas Story".

I'm probably going to get a lot of Pro-Sonic hatemail for this. Silver isn't too bad. There are a lot of great famous silver medalists. Such as... Uhh... Okay that wasn't a great example. If anyone wants to put Sonic as their number one character I have an idea for a top ten: "Top ten characters that are fast, blue, and voiced by Steve Urkel". I haven't really thought about it but I'm 30% sure that if I wrote that top ten, he would be number one.... maybe even 40% sure. Now, on to why he is so great: Sonic, he can really move, Sonic, he's got an attitude. Okay, okay I'll be (somewhat) serious. One of his biggest characteristics of why he is such an amazing character is coincidently why I don't like him a whole lot. He has a pot belly, skinny legs, a huge head which should cause wind resistance and on top of that, has a diet that consists of only chili dogs, yet he's the fastest thing alive(He's the fastest thing alive!!!). If I ate nothing but chili dogs, all I would get is diabeties. I would have to stop at every checkpoint in Green Hill zone to check my blood suger level. How is he so fast? He defies modern medical science. Sonic is a excellent protagonist on a serious note. Despite Dr. Robotnic's persistance, Sonic continues to keep all the wooland creatures safe from his clutches. There is a reason why Sega has kept him so long, I just don't know it personally: I'm guessing Sega does though. Aww, I'm sorry Sonic fanboys: I'm only kidding. Don't hurt me.

Yes, Sonic has an attitude, but Conker will smash your nuts with a brick and pour poopoo all over you. I believe that is a good enough explanation right there but I will continue to state my belief on why Conker is the best pantsless protaganist. In the game Conker's Bad Fur Day he played the protagonist and the game parodied many films such as the Clockwork Orange, Saving Private Ryan, Aliens, and the Matrix. He was the hero yet he did exactly what he wanted. His motivations were different than all the other characters on this list. What drove him to do his "heroics" was BB&B (Bucks, Booze and Boobs). He constantly broke the fourth wall for humor purposes which also makes him unique to this top ten. Conker looked cartoonish but despite his looks, he did what ever he wanted. He swore like a sailor and drank like a fish, just like my dad, except Conker never beat me or dressed me up like a girl in order to perform an interprative dance performance for his new girlfriend..... Aww, now I'm sad.

If you're wondering why Pacman isn't on this top ten, its because he has no legs. That's all I'm going to say about it. All these heroes defied virtually insurmountable odds and yet came out on top. Their actions should be commended but there just like any other video game character: They put on their pants no pant leg at a time. Special Thanks to Sanctuary_Remix: If he wouldn't have made a pretty funny top ten recently, I wouldn't have made this one(Also Henoheist and ZeldaFreak29; your top tens were hilarious). Your turn now Sanctuary. If you have a concern, just email me. Whether you hated the top ten or not, any feedback is a big plus. Feedback helps me make a better top ten. Until next time gamers.

List by Cheeseonmybread (05/18/2010)

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