Top 10 Lists : The Top 10 Things To Remember When Plotting To Bring Down An Evil Empire (spoilers)

Revolutions are all about timing. Some poor sap gets killed, and a few cracks over the head with a monkey wrench later you have a full scale rebellion. You never know when such moments will happen, but with Revolutionaries Inc., our communication solutions can ensure you will be ready when they do.

With the help of Revolutionaries Inc., the Red Faction rebel group on Mars' mining facilities was fully able to take advantage of just such a situation. We provided fully-secure communication solutions to allow the Red Faction to communicate with the rebel instigator, Parker. Our intelligence was able to provide up-to-date information on Parker's progress right to Red Faction's email inbox.

So you've got started a revolution - what you need a good friends to guide you through the bad times (To avoid bad times, please use Revolutionaries Inc. "Gold Star Service"). We, at Revolutionaries Inc.'s, have a dedicated social media team ready to trawl every social network site from Facebook to Twiter, and we promise to match you with insurgent of your dreams within 6 months (moneyback guarentee - you'll be plotting or we'll be paying).

Within just 6 weeks of initial contact with the insurgent group, the Returners, we were able to connect them with a host of first class rebels. We made Banon (Returners' leader) Facebook Friends with the assassin Shadow, MySpace Buddies with the samurai Cyan, and LinkedIn with General Celes. We also aided a four-fold increase in the number of rebels following Banon on Twitter (Banon54 and #TheReturners).

And now making new rebel friends couldn't be easier with our new RebelTogether App for the iPhone.

Although you may be free, many of your loyal supporters are probably locked up by a tyrannical government. It's up to you to rescue them, call it freedom, call it an ideological duty, it's all good PR in the fight against repression - not to mention it helps to have a few extra hands in your fight.

Having locked up thousands of innocent animals, Dr. Robotnik solved his prison overcrowding problem by giving each inmate his own mechanical prison to walk around in. These "badniks" remained completely under the control of Dr. Robotnik. Through consultation with Sonic, his team, and a number of eminent scientists, we were able to determine how to remove this exo-skeleton and free the imprisoned creature. Sonic was then able to assist in liberating many of the local populance. With our in-house PR team, we were able to elevate Sonic to the level of national hero.

Remember, behind every revolutionary hero is Revolutionaries Inc.

When taking on an empire it is not enough to have a lot of men with a ton of heavy equipment. They have to know how to use it - Do you really know how to drive a Banshee? or fire a BFG9000? or use the latest elemental materia? Our Haxx0r Instant Training Program has been accredited by both Balamb Garden and Galbadia Garden Universities - master the art of war in just a matter of weeks.

Although we cannot disclose the identity of our client in Taris (and I'm not so sure he knows himself), we can say that we provided high class training tips to allow many of his comrades to effectively use pistols, rifles, carbines, bowcasters, swords, and even lightsabers (with our inhouse Twi'lek Jedi Trainer). Ultimately we supported him in his efforts against the repressive Sith forces at only a fraction of the cost of the Trayus Academy on Malachor V.

Just because you've got a handful of men doesn't mean you're ready to take on an entire Empire. Think tactical. A power station here. A weapons cache there. An assassination to mix it up. Then back to the rebel base for milk and cookies. Our award-winning Rebel Strategy Unit provide effective targets and value-for-money strategies to get your rebellion under way.

In their fight against ShinRa, the aspiring rebel group Avalanche used Revolutionaries Inc. to help prioritize targets. We quickly identified a number of key power outlets that were of strategic importance to the enemy. With our help, Avalanche got the top men (nothing says revolutionary like a disgruntled SOLDIER), the best equipment (only at "Bangles, Bombs and Beyond"), and smartest strategies (ever had to fight a Guard Scorpion? Keep your head up and its tail down).
They have successfully managed to knock out the first power station and we wish them the best of luck with their next target.

So you've got your revolution under way. You've got men. You've got the public onside. You've even begun making tactical strikes at your enemy. Now it's time to go global. With our WorldWideRebel service we will connect you with like-minded revolutionary groups from across the world. Extend your reach, fill your pockets, and win the war!

The National Secessionist Forces (NSF) have had their ups and downs in the fight against UNATCO, but with the Illuminati, Chinese Triads, and X-51 revolutionary groups onside they are becoming unstoppable. Shared intelligence between these organisations had allowed the NSF to take virtual control of New York City.

Don't be fooled into believing that you're the only ones on the attack - most empires will stop at nothing to obliterate dissident groups. From the destruction of Alderaan to the police raids in City 17, expect enemy governments to seek out and destroy you at the slightest chance. We provide effective anti-counter-insurgency measures to suit all your rebel base needs (Alternatively try our Rebel Base Insurance Plan).

With our Potential Hostile Early Warning system (PHEW!) we ensured that the White Forest Rebel Base was well prepared for an all out combine attack. Using the latest in man-on-a-hill-with-a-telephone technologies we were able to alert the base leader to prepare his Strider Buster Defensive weapons (produced on the cheap from one of our leading partners). Ninety percent of all damages were also covered by our Rebel Base Gold Insurance Plan.

Budding dissidents need to get places; they need to plan, conspire and plot; and they need to do it unseen. Fortunately no one can see you when you're driving down the road encased in four inches of rock solid armour. Nothing will blow away your rivals like a 200mm cannon.

To support the United Nations Space Command against the evil Covenant we instigated some simple rules. If they had a ghost, we used a warthog. If they had a banshee, we purchased a hornet. If they came at us with wraiths, we blew them all to hell with scorpion. When they stopped sending vehicles, we continued to spam scorpions, and after Revolutionaries Inc. secured a 30% discount on these tanks, the result became a foregone conclusion.

"Napoleon's packing an Uzi, and Snowball's flying an Apache, time to take back the farm" (excerpt from Animal Farm 3000). Now that you're armed with the latest motors and weaponry it's time to think tactical. Separate your Bolshevik from your Bay of Pig, and it's time to rumble. Move your squads towards the enemy base and remember to take out that obelisk.

In 2077, the Brotherhood of Steel tried to wrestle control from the Enclave. They had the guns, they had the manpower, but they needed something more. They need Optimus Prime. Sadly, due to prior commitments, this proved to be impossible. However, just as they were giving up they came to us at Revolutionaries Inc. We showed them they didn't need a 40ft Autobot, they needed a 50ft Robot. Stand aside Optimus - meet Liberty. After hours of deliberation with the Lyon's Pride we finally came up with an appropriate tactic for ultimate success, our trademarked charge-at-the-enemy-and-kill-everyone-you-see. Simples.

Whether you come to power through CIA-funded insurrection, undercover KGB rebellion or by rigging elections, you're going to need to consolidate your power.

With our help, the post-revolution-Tropico's economy was brought back on track, living standards were raised, the safety of its citizens was ensured, and a handful of counter-revolutions were mercilessly quashed. Revolutionaries Inc. (and our sister organisation "Anti-Revolutionaries Inc.") were key to developing a secret police, wire tapping facilities, religious control, a strong, well equipped military force, and the best in prison technologies (fully equipped with the latest in soundproof basements).

Now that you see the comprehensive services we offer here at Revolutionaries Inc. we hope to see you back soon. Phone us now and receive a fashionable Che Guevara T-shirt absolutely free.

Remember, behind every successful revolution is Revolutionaries Inc.

List by London Prophet (06/22/2010)

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