Kefka is a clown. Not just any clown either; he is an evil clown bent on destroying the world. After Locke and the gang defeated him, he would definitely need to go job hunting. How many options are there for a clown? The circus or children's birthday parties. This is one clown you would not want to hire for your kid's birthday.
You would probably see him sulking in the corner telling little Timmy's friends about what could've been, with a hint of something on his breath. About how he and his parents should be dead by now, or at least be his slaves if it weren't for those meddling kids. He would probably make the kids cry by making monsters out of balloon animals and popping them, or by pulling a dead rabbit out of a hat. Kefka also tends to poison drinking water (better check the pool too before you go swimming) and unleash the devastating Light of Judgement. On top of that, if he decides to bring his warring triad "party favors," the property damage could be immense.
Hiring Kefka is a bad idea all around. You don't want to have to tell angry parents why their children are having nightmares about the party. You may even be sued for the cost of their kid's new therapy bill. You definitely don't want to have to answer questions as to why the neighbor's kid was recruited to try to take over the world. If your insurance company doesn't offer warring triad or Light of Judgement packages, it's probably best just to take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese instead, and leave Kefka wherever he is in his straight jacket.
If you're planning on inviting Bowser to your next soiree, I urge you to listen to my words of caution first. If it isn't raising red flags that inviting a dragon to your party is bad news, it should...especially if there will be any kind of adult beverages involved. Imagine Bowser having one too many and he ends up setting your curtains on fire, or a guest takes a fireball to the face like poor Mario is about to do in the thumbnail. Bowser also has a tendency to throw hammers. Think of how mad mommy and daddy will be if their brand new glass coffee table takes a hammer. If that isn't enough, Bowser is a proven felon. Kidnapping is a federal crime you know. How much of a downer would it be if he kidnapped one of your friends? You'll need to tell your guests you're going out to pick up more chips or something, just to end up crawling through sewers and swimming in lakes full of dangerous creatures all night trying to find the right castle your friend is being held captive in.
In short, Bowser will not end up being the guest of honor, and will probably end the night with the F.B.I. getting called. Lesson learned? Never invite fire-breathing, hammer-throwing kidnappers with a R.A.P. sheet longer than you are tall to your party.
Special thanks to gamingrat for this idea and write up.
At a lot of parties you will have that one person who is the clown of the group. This is the person who makes a lot of jokes and gets the most laughs out of the party. However, one clown that you don't want at your party is Dhoulmagus. Sure he might look funny on the outside in his jester outfit, but underneath that smile is a psychotic murderer.
Whether it is stoning an entire castle or sticking his rod through some poor unsuspecting victim from behind, he will do anything to acomplish his goals. And if, by some chance, you manage to kill him, he will then posess your pet and turn it into a flying demon. So before you go into a party make sure that there is not a demonic jester in there.
You know that guy or girl that you tell that you're having a party? Remember that promise they make, but ultimately end up breaking? "I'm having a small get together. Come over and we'll have a blast...but don't tell anybody else." The night of the party arrives, and the entire city shows up. That's Kou. He always calls his golem friends, no matter what he's doing. They're loud and rowdy, and always end up getting into trouble or fights. Everybody is mellow, hanging out and having fun, when somebody has one too many and starts mouthing off to somebody else. You all know what happens next; things get broken, and grudges are held.
If he's invited, you better stock up on snacks too. Last time Kou came over, he and his cronies ate all the chips and pretzels. We ended up having to make a store run before 9 and again at 12. They ate me out of house and home. They didn't chip in on the pizza, but they were first in line to grab some. I was lucky to get to smell the box before they ate that. They hogged the Karaoke machine, drank all the beverages, broke my mom's bell collection, put a hole in the wall and somebody even lost it in the dryer. My clothes didn't smell right for a week. He doesn't go anywhere without an entourage of seemingly endless golems, so it's probably best just to avoid bringing up the topic of a party when Kou is around. If he does find out, you best come up with an excuse why it's canceled quick, or he might ruin everything.
This is a no-brainer. Nemesis has a really nasty habit of crashing through walls, so unless you have some remodeling that needs done, I'd advise against this particular guest. Your neighbors won't be very happy about all the rocket launcher fire either, though I guess you could play it off as fireworks. If you live in the ghetto, I guess this can be overlooked as just another day. Nemesis also has Tourette's Syndrome when it comes to the word S.T.A.R.S. Having him constantly screaming it is a sure-fire way to get the cops called. It's not pretty watching him trying to mack on the ladies either. "So you're Nemesis, huh? wheresatari told me a lot about you." "S.T.A.R.S.!" "Wanna dance?" "S.T.A.R.S.!" If he has one too many, his tentacles may get a bit too touchy-feely...could be awkward.
Nemesis is best left as a "closet" friend if you ask me. Definitely not someone you want at a family function, or as the toast giver at your wedding reception. Keep him around for when you need some muscle, or killing lessons. Don't invite him over, or he'll keep coming by adding new doors and windows to your house. Killing your guests or turning them into zombies does not make for a good time. However, if you think you can handle all that, and the possibility of non-stop choreographed Thriller dancing going on all night (he does have zombie juice in his DNA after all), be my guest.
Vanitas is bad news; pure darkness personified. As such, he has a really bad attitude. Vanitas is a troublemaker too; the bad kid who always picks on the good kids. The guy who dropped out of high school 5 years ago, but is still hanging around. Pushing kids into the pool and knocking drinks out of people's hands. I think somebody said they saw him crushing the outside of the chip bags, turning them all into a fine powder. On one occasion, he was seen actually relieving himself in the kitchen sink, and the clothes hamper has a suspicious smell coming from inside. He always has his posse of Unversed with him too. Now you have a house full of people you don't know. I think they stole some stuff too. I can't for the life of me find my Seether CD, and my Bill and Ted's collectible keyblade keychain is missing in action too.
Vanitas is an all around bad guy. He's a manipulator and a liar. He's a complete bully that you can't stand up to. What's the deal with that mask. It creeps me out. You never know what kind of faces he's making behind there. You should never invite Vanitas, because you'll always be looking over your shoulder if you do. Now I can't find my Leviathan materia. Where the heck is my Sardonyx Ring? Man! Next thing you know, he'll be trying to steal my comp
After playing Mega Man X, I've come to the conclusion that Sigma would be a poor choice of company. Sigma tends to turn machines evil, by using his homemade Sigma virus (patent pending). Nothing can dampen a great party mood more quickly, than having to engage in an epic battle of survival with your toaster. Picture this: The toaster and coffee maker team up; Mr. Coffee slides knives and forks down into sir toastmaster. If you hear the "ding" you best take cover. Have your guests hunker down inside the bedroom and place all the matresses up against the door, while you take your Lord of the Rings collectible weapons you ordered online into the basement to engage in epic warfare against your Whirlpool washer and dryer. It will be a tough fight, but you've been training in front of your mirror ever since UPS brought them, so you'll be alright. After you poke a hole through its armor plating for access to its computer board, it's all smooth sailing.
If you don't feel like avoiding traps (the fire and sky levels were the worst), dodging maverick robot assassins all night and just want to have fun, let Sigma be. If you do invite him, keep Mega Man's cell number handy just in case. I hear he's a bit pricey now that he's so well known, but I don't think you can afford to go generic in this case if you want to live; not to mention scam artists. Don't fall for Above-Average Man's (TM) "low low price extravaganza" like i did, or you'll regret it. I have the scars and empty bank account to prove it. Better yet, just don't invite Sigma.
Thanks to destrian522 for this idea. A very special thanks goes out to Eesgooshee for the write up as well.
At first, inviting Portal’s GLaDOS to your party might seem like an excellent idea. After all, she enjoys a good game of truth or dare, her cute friend the Weighted Companion Cube will probably show up, and she’ll bring cake. Fun times had by all, right? Well wait just one minute, Sonny Jim. Putting GLaDOS on your guest list will be the worst (and last) mistake you will ever make in your life.
You see, to her, this whole thing is just one sick game. And I don’t mean in the way that she takes delight in passive-aggressively insulting everyone’s weight like some high school drama queen (though she’s not above doing that). I mean it’s an experiment for her. Nothing would give her more delight than to maim, torture, and murder everyone at your party. You know, for science.
You say you want to get lit? GLaDOS will be happy to oblige, though she’ll more likely than not take your request literally. One can never pass up a valuable opportunity to gather data on the flash point of human fat. And hopefully your venue of choice doesn’t have any electronic locks that she can hack into – otherwise, your kickin’ party will start looking more like a Donner Party. That is, unless you have some canisters of deadly neurotoxin lying around, in which case GLaDOS will demonstrate her own twisted definition of a “kegger”.
But the worst part about this all: that cake will never arrive. The comments that GLaDOS made about it were full of deceit, deception, dishonesty, fabrications, falsehoods, facetiousness, fallacies, fibs, fraudulence, untruths, half-truths, non-truths, and straight-up BS.
However, just in case you foolishly decide to ignore these warnings and invite GLaDOS anyway, I leave you with one last piece of advice: don’t eat potato chips in front of her. I hear that’s kind of a sore spot for her.
Sorry for the generic thumbnail. There wasn't a pic (or worthy pic) worth using.
Having Harbinger at your party would be a drag. It's never fun hanging out with a racist, and he is the worst. Having somebody always talking about how the entire human race should be destroyed or enslaved is not the best way to ensure that your next party will be a success. "Hey, I hear wheresatari is having another party, wanna go?" "Not if that Harbinger kid is gonna be there." Not to mention he would turn your innocent game of charades into the new party game called ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL! (I hear it's big with the Asari these days [ouch].) Never play a drinking game with Harbinger either. If you've ever played indoctrination quarters, and you really don't want to start now if not, you could end up losing more than your dinner. If that's not enough, have you ever seen a 1000 ton space alien/ship do the robot...not pretty. It looks more like the wounded turkey. They're also not very good at Karaoke. You definitely don't want to sit through an hour of "Takin' Care Of Business" sung in monotone by a Reaper (alright song, but the glint in Harbinger's eye tells me it means something entirely different to him).
If you don't want to be responsible for your entire circle of friends getting harvested, step away from that mailbox and don't send that invite. If you've already talked with Harbinger about the possibility of having a party, and you have that nagging itch that the party won't be very good without him there, it may be too late. Resist at all costs or you may find yourself playing party games you would never play otherwise, yet you have no reason why...or this entire entry could all just be going on inside your head.
Thanks to Eesgooshee for this twisted idea.
I must apologize for this disturbing entry in advance, but the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't omit it.
When you have a party, you tend to clean things up nicely before the guests arrive, and pop in some music you can dance too. Inviting Poodiggums will change all that. First off, you can't dance to Opera music, and that's the Poo's favorite. Never ask who he is, or he will probably take over the Karaoke machine and try to sing his theme song all night. This will seriously dampen the spirits of whomever is next up to use the microphone...wet-nap anyone? On top of that, you'll definitely need to bust out all the Febreeze, Neutra-Air and all the scented candles you can muster. I feel sorry for the girls he hits on too; for some reason, I don't think a breathmint will cut it. Putting the goggles on at a party he shows up at can be deadly to your reputation, so beware. Never start a food fight with him! You'll be throwing your dinner, and he'll be throwing yesterday's dinner. If you don't cover all the furniture and carpet with plastic, your next day is going to be miserable. Be prepared to call up the friendly neighborhood steam cleaners, only for them to slam your own door in your face. We won't even mention what will happen when spicy food and non-Shirley Temples mix...or about the sweet corn...never talk about the sweet corn.
Unless you've been planning on buying a new house and all new stuff, I highly suggest you keep GMP off the guest list and let him hang with Mister Hanky. If you must spare his feelings, give him your address number...with the street name from a few towns over. There have to be many other people you can invite besides him...if not, I'm truly sorry.
Well there you have it. The lesson that should be taken away from all this is to let sleeping dogs lie. In this case, dog would be videogame villains. They have deep seated issues that need to be dealt with through years and years of therapy, before they should be mingling with your family and friends (or anybody for that matter) at any kind of social get together. If you're not careful, you could get maimed, mauled, massacred, misled, mobbed, murdered or milked. Yes, I said milked. If you live on a farm and invite Sigma, it could happen. If you value your family, friends and neighbors safety, you'll invite the members of your inner circle or known aquaintances to your extra curricular activities. Leave the villains to their pouting or plotting or pillaging, or whatever it is they're doing these days. Disgruntled bitter psychopaths do not make for a fun time.
There are simply way too many villains that could've shared a spot on this list. There are way too many still to put them all in this section, but I will name a few.
Albedo from the Xenosaga series - It's best not to invite him, because he'll keep trying to impress the girls by chopping off his appendages all night, and watching them grow back. More than likely, it'll just scare them off...you know, unless you're into those kinds of things.
Kuja from FF9 - Don't get me wrong, I love this game and Kuja as a villain, but he strikes me as the type that will get all teary eyed and start crying. Definitely a downer at a party. You don't want to be the guy sitting in the corner listening to I believe I can fly while sobbing.
Dark Link from LoZ: OoT - Stay away from Dark Link, unless you want a creepy wannabee following you around all night mimicing everything you do. He'll definitely cramp your style. Everytime you take a drink, he takes a drink. Everytime you go to the bathroom, he goes to the bathroom (awkward). He tells the same jokes as you, sings the same song as you...you get the picture.
The Ice Queen from Enchanted Arms - I considered using her instead of Kou, but thought better of it. I figured if you invited her, she'd end up freezing all your drinks. If it was a pool party, you'd end up ice skating instead of swimming...but that might be kinda fun so I used Kou instead.
Mike Tyson - I could have had a field day with this one, but seeing as some people have a fit if you use characters that didn't originate in games, I left poor Mikey off the list.
The Battletoads game cartridge - I figured this was funny, but that it may be a bit controversial. If it was invited, the party would never finish. You'd get so far in and it would glitch. Everything would be much harder than it should be.
EA - They'd bring drinks, but charge you extra for the bottle opener. They'd bring the bag of the chips, but bring the chips two weeks later. If you want the party to go how it's supposed to, leave these guys off the list.
Thanks to everybody who reads this and laughs at my feeble attempts at comedy. I hope you enjoyed it though.
List by wheresatari (07/09/2012)
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