"My machine is pretty big, actually."

That synopsis was dripping with sexual innuendo. Heh, but anyway, you know what Micro Machines are, don’t you? Micro Machines are the little teensy vehicles that kids used to play with all the time. You had some, didn’t you? Don’t lie! I know you had a little powerboat Micro Machine toy that you brought into the bathtub. Didn’t you use to race the boat and your rubber ducky to see which one is faster? When you got a winner, didn’t you use to have a big ceremony that you invited all your friends to and present the winner of the race a big old gold trophy? Didn’t your friends make fun of you and call you a loser? No? Well, they made fun of me when I did it.

STORY (NA)
Yep, as the title of this section says, the story is not available. No story at all. Zilch. Nada. Kaput. Why are you still reading this if you know there is no story? Move on, slow poke! Leave this in the past, man! Go on to the next section!

GAMEPLAY (5/10)
This is racing at its most tame. Choosing a character, you can participate in different types of challenges ranging from the 4-vehicle tournament to a single head to head single race. Since the cars are super small, it wouldn’t make sense to be racing on a full size racetrack, would it? Micro Machines pushes the idea of a full size track away and gives you different tracks, such as a bath tub powerboat race to a pool table formula one speedway. You get just about 5 main tracks to race on, and they all have different hazards and stuff to watch out for. Lets take the four wheeler tack for example. Set on a breakfast table, it has drops of oatmeal that slow you down, oranges and other fruit, and quick turns that will end with you dropping off the table if you ain’t quick enough. My personal favorite, the bathtub track, gives you bubbles that slow you down if you hit them. As I said, we have about 5 main tracks. During a tournament, the courses and paths of these tracks change dramatically. These allows you to race more then once on the pool table or one of the different tracks and get a totally different challenge. Micro Machines offers a unique bonus feature as well. During the head to head tournament and races, you see eight circles to the right of the screen. You and your opponent get four circles, your circles being red and their circles being white. If you leave your opponent one screen behind you so you only see your car on the screen, one of your opponent’s circles turn red. If you pull this off, the vehicles disappear and line up where you got the bonus, and allow you to race again fairly. If you get all of those circles red, you win the race. This makes winning a head to head race painfully easy, as most of the drivers are slow. Since we are talking about your opponents… A.I. in this game is either too hard or too easy with no in between.

GRAPHICS (7/10)
The graphics are simple, and get the job done. The vehicles are neat, and resemble the little toys perfectly. The tracks are… interesting, to say the least. One of the more creative ideas on the breakfast track is the little bits of Cheerios that line up and make the race way. These little ideas are well made into simple, yet pleasurable sprites and graphics. All of the characters look goofy, and each has a very rudimentary happy dance and sad dance. When one of the characters wins a race, he smiles 3 times. When the character loses, he furrows his brow. These simple animations are acceptable, and they were probably cutting edge when the game came out.

AUDIO (4/10)
The little tunes played at the menu screens sound… um… simple and bland. The tunes played at the menus are basically the tune that plays on the title screen with some small modifications, and it shows. The sound effects and the constant vrooming noises of the vehicles will get on your nerves, but that happens only in the later, longer races.

CONTROL (6/10)
Each vehicle has it’s own speed, traction, etc. Some of the vehicles are needlessly difficult to control and turn, such as the dune buggy. The simple menus are painfully easy to move through. Other then the needlessly difficulty of the traction of some vehicles, the control is okay.

FUN FACTOR (5/10)
Hey, I still play this when I got an extra five minutes. The game is pretty fun to play, but only in small, small doses. This means when you put it in, you’ll play it for about 7 minutes before you rip it out of your GBC or GBA.

REPLAYABLE?
Yeah, if you get the sudden urge for a quick, nostalgic race.

NOTES:
After writing this review, I have the sudden urge to go grab some of my old toy cars and play with them.
If this wins ROTW, I’ll chuck eggs at a group of bloodsucking leeches.

Reviewer's Score: 6/10, Originally Posted: 10/07/01, Updated 10/07/01