"Is this supposed to be some kind of a bad joke?"

I know, I know, "Space Invaders" is one of those undeniable classics that were of great importance for the evolution of video games in general, and God knows where video gaming would be today without games like this or "Pong", for instance. Nevertheless, nostalgia alone does not warrant a good rating automatically, especially if we are dealing with a port as preposterous and laughable as "Space Invaders" for the Game Boy.

Perhaps there even is a background story in "Space Invaders", or to be more precise, an excuse for all the shooting, but of course, we won`t find out about that within the game itself - if anything, you can read the "story" in the manual in about 5 lines, revolving around the overused alien-invasion theme, and guess who has the doubtful honor of getting rid of the unfriendly extraterrestrial visitors? Yup, it is you, the gamer. And the "honor" of playing this game is a doubtful one indeed for one simple but considerably reason. The original "Space Invaders" has initially been released in the arcades near the end of the 70s, even before the dawn of Atari, so you can already imagine that the basic gameplay was as simple as it could possibly be in any video game. Okay, so far so good (or bad, if you will). After countless ports for all kinds of systems, "Space Invaders" also hit Nintendo`s very first Game Boy...in 1990. Can you already see what the big problem I mentioned could possibly be?

If you guessed that Taito didn`t change anything about the gameplay at all, then you are right. The big, big problem about this game is that "Space Invaders" for the Game Boy is a half-baked, lazy port of a 70s arcade game without any new options to speak of. I know that the Game Boy was not exactly a powerhouse machine that was capable of making innovative concepts possible, but even on this old handheld console, gameplay mechanics as simple as those in "Space Invaders" are just not acceptable anymore.

If you are wondering what these mechanics, then here is a short (literally) wrap-up: you take the role of a small spacecraft that is being positioned at the bottom of the screen. On top of the screen, there are several columns consisting of aliens slowly coming down on you, and it is your job to kill each alien in each column before they descend on you. This simple task is made more difficult by the fact that the aliens are moving from one side to another while descending upon you, which makes them harder to hit, and they can also shoot energy balls at you that will kill you instantly, but you can hide from these behind some sort of shields on the screen...and that`s it. Just shoot the aliens in and hide behind the walls if necessary in each and every single level, and that`s all you can do in the entire game. As if that wasn`t already bad enough, it saddens me to say that even the controls are broken in this lazy port: your spacecraft doesn`t react fast enough to your commands and is just too slow, and the shooting is lame, and that`s putting it mildly. And you can only experience this mind-boggingly dreadful gameplay concept in the normal mode, and that really is all you can do...well, except for a 2-player mode so you can share the pain of playing "Space Invaders" with a friend, even though this is an experience you`d only like to share with your worst enemy...

So you thought the gameplay is horrible? Then you better don`t take a look at the graphics, because they are, sorry to say that, an abomination, even for an early Game Boy game of 1990. In fact, the graphics are the very same as in the arcade, except this version is in black and white of course. And as for what you can see of the graphics in the game, anyway...well, if you are a nice person, you can count it on two hands. You have the sprite of your spacecraft that looks more like an oddly shaped and unrecognizable pile of black pixels, you have the enemy sprites that all look the same and at least somewhat resemble alien lifeforms, you have the sprites of your shields and them getting shot down by the aliens...oh, and you have the laserbeams of both you and your enemies. Impressive, ain`t it? As I said, if you are a nice person, you can cut the game some slack by counting some other "effects" as well, but what I just described is in fact almost everything you are going to see throughout the entire game. If I was forced into saying something positive about the graphics, then perhaps that the frame-rate is rather solid and that the title screen allows you to read the title of the game clearly, and that`s all I can think of for now. Sorry, Taito, but even for 1990, these graphics were just not enough to warrant positive statements by gamers.

To make this disastrous train-wreck of a game complete, we are being faced with sounds that can drive you insane after a while. As for the music, there seems to be one piece throughout the entire game, apparently consisting of three notes only and becoming faster and more intense as your enemies come closer. Weak, dear developers at Taito, very weak. And there are only a couple of sound effects, too, mainly those of your spacecraft shooting and your enemies blowing up - that`s mainly all you are going to hear for the majority of the game. Oh, Taito...why?

As I said, nostalgia alone should not influence the rating of any game, no matter how much you loved the original this game might be based on. Okay, sometimes, ports of older games can still get a high rating because of the original already having been timeless, but "Space Invaders" is not a timeless game by any means. Even so, a Game Boy version still could have succeeded, by implementing new levels, new modes, graphics and souds and so on, but no, all we get is a straight port with bad controls. This kind of attitude by developers like Taito (the frightening thing is that normally, they`re a fairly good developer) is just preposterous: releasing a stone-old game with no enhancements whatsoever for the price of a (then) new game. Even the Game Boy was capable of far more than "Space Invaders". In the end, I have to say that "Space Invaders" was just an extremely cheap means of ripping-off gamers with this half-hearted port of an outdated "classic", a phenomenon we could witness on the Nintendo Game Boy far too often. I am even being a little too generous with a rating of 1/10 for this game - if possible, this game would have deserved a score of 0/10. This would have been a more appropriate punishment for Taito for cheating on gamers like this. In case you should ever stumble upon this game by chance, you better do not reward Taito by buying it, even if it costs only 5$. If you want to play "Space Invaders", then do so by playing it on one of the countless classics collections by all kinds of developers out there, since you`re getting a truckload of classic games for a fair price, no matter how little substance there might be left with them. But two thumbs down for "Space Invaders" on the Game Boy and the well deserved score of 1/10.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 04/17/07