Resident Evil (Nintendo Gamecube Edition) Speed Guide
Version 0.4 - May 12th, 2002
(c) Copyright 2002 Quizmaster v.4.0


Hello again boys and girls! Welcome to fifth FAQ under my authorship. Hopefully
this will be useful for keeping those darned zombies off your tail (especially
once you knock them down...hoo boy, great design decision there, Capcom) and
there's no better way to get better at a chosen subject than to (attempt to)
teach others about it. (Just ask the folks in my Computer Engineering class
that.)

However, by reading this guide, I demand that you certify that a few things are
true...

    1: You've played through and beaten Resident Evil, and you've done so very
slowly. The first time I played through this game, I used 17 saves and died at
least 10 times, took more than 7:45:00, and that was on Easy Mode! But I really,
really enjoyed it. It's important that you've really enjoyed RE at least once,
because if you attempt to beat this game really fast, you don't get to see much
on the way. Furthermore, there are about 300 billion spoilers in here, and if
you haven't beaten the game yet, you're not holding me responsible for you
reading them!

    2: Playing this game on Normal makes you excited about the challenge instead
of filling you with a feeling of dread.

    3: You are willing to let your friends die horribly for the sake of saving a
few lousy seconds. (In the game! In the game!)

    4: You can be 'in the zone' for 150 minutes straight.

    5: You find glasses irresistibly sexy.

If so, then continue...if not, well, you can still continue if you don't plan to
play Resident Evil, and just read GameFAQs.com for fun. (Don't laugh, I do it.)
But if you're planning to play Resident Evil and haven't beat it yet, find
another guide. After you beat it, come on over...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Table of Contents
    I:      General Tips and Tricks for Speed
    II:     Jill Valentine
    III:    Chris Redfield
    IV:     Miscellany
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part I: General Tips and Tricks for Speed
    - "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to *speed* around the city,
keeping its *speed* above fifty. And if its *speed* dropped, the bus would
explode! I think it was called: 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"
        - Homer J. Simpson, episode 3G01, "The Springfield Files"
        (Thanks to www.snpp.com for the quote!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK, first here are some things that hold true for both Jill and Chris to get you
through this game a little faster.

    1: Whenever you pick something up, activate a door, or do anything that will
cause text to pop up on the screen, tap the A button. This will make the text
pop up all at once instantly instead of the insanely slow
"D...o...*space*...y...o...u...*space*...w...a....n...etc."

    2: At the same time, don't hammer on the A button or else you'll
inadvertently make a decision when text pops up on the screen that you don't
want to make. One tap will do it.

    3: Don't pick up anything you don't need. Picking stuff up, and, more than
likely, dumping it in the item box takes valuable time. I've still got to refine
this guide so that you pick up only exactly what you need, but just keep that in
mind. To be completely perfect, you will have to end this game with no
consumable items at all, whether in the item box or in your possession, in OK
health (above orange Caution), having dropped the Tyrant with your final bullet.
I'm not quite there yet.

    4: Use the loo before you start the game. You can't stop for *anything*!
There are a few minor breaks that I will note so that you can make your move
(quickly!) if necessary.

    5: In the guide, whenever I tell you do 'drop' something, I mean put enough
lead in it so that it falls down and stops bugging you long enough to get by.
Whenever I tell you to 'kill' something, keep shooting it until it doesn't get
up anymore. 

    6: Watch out for the V-ACT infected Zombies...be prepared to run later on
from Zombies that you kill, but don't decapitate. Forget about the immolation
trick as well...we don't have nearly enough time to fish out the canteen and
fill it up!

    7: Know what sort of terminology and notation I'm going to use. To
demonstrate, I'll just a sample guide.

Purchasing Resident Evil

Room 000 - Software Store
(Room number and unofficial designation)

    1: Turn right and head to the GameCube Shelves. Tap A to skip the text
description and pick up the Resident Evil Game.
(Step by Step instructions)

    (Item) - RE Box
    
(Item) - Indicates you picking up an item   
    
    2: Take the RE Box to the counter and place it there. Then go to *subscreen*
and Examine your Wallet. Rotate it up, tap A and it will turn into Cash. Tap B
and up to Use the Cash. You can now safely leave the store with the RE Box.
(*subscreen* - indicates where to open the subscreen)

    -Discard- Cash
    
(-Discard- Indicates where items are dropped)

Room 001 - Parking Lot

    1: Enter your car, using the Car Key. Discard it when prompted.
    
    -Discard- Car Key

Room 002 - House

    * Tap A to skip the cutscene of telling your roommates that you're home.

(* indicates cutscene)

    + Due to territorial differences, the previously three scenes may be
slightly different.

(+ indicates pithy, useless comments)

    1: Use the RE Box on the Gamecube Device to start the *real* horror...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part II: Jill Valentine
    "You want S.T.A.R.S.? I'll give you S.T.A.R.S.!" 
        - Jill Valentine, Resident Evil III: Nemesis
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Jill Valentine, the following are true:
    * Your inventory contains eight item slots.
    * You are generally slower and less effective in combat than Chris is.
    * Your partner is Barry Burton, who provides combat support.
    * You begin with (well, de facto begin with) the lockpick, which doesn't use
an item slot.
    * You have access to the Grenade Launcher and .44 Magnum.
    * Since you have the lockpick, you don't have to bother with Old Keys. (In
fact, they don't even appear in your game.)

Jill is probably the best choice for people starting out with this game, since
you don't have to go back and dump items (or be careful about what items you
need to carry) as much as Chris does. 

Ready to have someone tell you how to beat the game? Here goes:

    Introduction (It's a dog eat dog world - and I was wearing Milkbone
Underwear)
    
    * Skip the darn thing by hammering on A.
    
Room 101 - Main Hall

    * There are two cutscenes for you to skip here - one where Jill laments the
death of, well, everyone, and another where you and Barry enter the Dining Hall.

Room 102 - Dining Hall
    
    * Skip the cutscene of the first and last sensible room entry of the entire
game. I swear...is it S.T.A.R.S. policy to holster their weapons when entering
*any* dangerous situation?

    1: Walk across the side of the table and then get cut off by another
cutscene...

    * Head into the next hallway, failing to watch the scene of Barry examining
the tomato bisque.

Room 103 - Dumb Waiter Hallway

    1: Turn left (heading down the screen) and then right...

    * and skip the scene of the zombie having an old friend over for dinner.

    2: Do a 180 and run back into the dining room... 
    
Room 102 - Dining Hall
    
    * ...and skip watching Barry dispose of the zombie. 
    
    1: Head back into the Main Hall.

    * A 3 second non-skippable cutscene here. Oddly enough, if you go back
around the table, the zombie will be gone! Huh. Tap A to open the door.

Room 101 - Main Hall
    
    * Skip the cutscene where Barry bellows 'Wesker!'
    
    1: 'Help' Barry search for Wesker. Head to the hallway under the stairwell
and come back up to get the game to advance. 

    * Don't bother watching Barry giving you the lockpick or the cutscene after
that - he doesn't even call Jill 'the Master of Unlocking'! 

    2: Head back into the Dining Hall.

    Room 102 - Dining Hall
    
    1: Go back into the Dumb Waiter Hall where your comrade Kenneth rests. Poor
guy, he never found out the frequency.

    Room 103 - Dumb Waiter Hall
    
    1: Turn left and head for the door beyond Kenneth.
    
    Room 104 - Crow Stairwell
    
    1: Go through the hallway, and pick up some items...
    
    (Item) - Green Herb (x2)
    (Item) - Handgun Magazine
    
    2: Head up the stairwell and into yet another hallway.
    
Room 201 - Pikeman Hallway
    
    1: Notice the zombie on the floor; don't worry, he doesn't bite. Yet.
There's a herb next to him.

    (Item) - Green Herb
    
    2: There's about a 50/50 shot of the zombie in the hallway being awakened by
you picking up the herb. Hope that he hasn't been activated and you can move
around him behind his back. He'll swing around and miss. 

    3: Go down through the pikemen and notice the glowing suit of armor at the
end of the hall.

    (Item) - Golden Arrow: Hit B to pass through the 'How to use items'
discussion.
    
    4: There's a clip for you, too, right by the nearby mirror. Notice how the
zombie nearby activates right when you pick it up...

    (Item) - Handgun Magazine
    
    5: Oh, yeah, the zombie. (His name's Rob.) Use your Handgun to drop him, or
stun him, or kill him...anything so that you can pass by. Unlock the door on the
right side of the wide alcove in the hallway and go on through.

Room 202 - Dining Hall Balcony
    
    1: Snatch the dagger on the dresser, and tap B to skip past the 'How to use
Defense items' discussion.

    (Item) - Dagger

    2: Head forward to the double doors, back to the Main Hall.
    
Room 101 - Main Hall
    
    1: Turn left and head downstairs to the 1 1/2 floor landing - and go to the
graveyard.

Room 105 - Graveyard
    
    1: Go downstairs and run past the zombie waiting for you. Turn into the
foggy part of the graveyard and you should see a headstone with a cupid on
it...but his arrowhead is missing!

    2: *Subscreen* Enter the subscreen and go to the Golden Arrow. Examine it.
Tap A again to get the Arrowhead! Then tap B and up and you will Use the
arrowhead.

    -Discard- Arrowhead (Golden Arrow)

    3: As the headstone slides back, keep running forward to enter it. Run down
the llllooooonnnnggg stairwell and turn right at the end...keep going and pick
up the Book Of Curse in the indentation. 

    4: *Subscreen* Examine the Book of Curse. Turn it around 180 degrees so that
you see the key on the back cover, and tap A. Now you have the Sword Key! Tap B
once the book finishes opening to skip the "See no evil, Hear no Evil, Nixon is
Evil" rigamorale.

    5: Run back up the stairwell...listen carefully. You should probably hear at
least one zombie and...if you're unlucky, the other one, too. Stall about 2
steps away from the top of the stairwell if you actually see a zombie and drop
him. Otherwise, run outta there, dropping a zombie if necessary. Remember,
you've got a dagger if you need it.

    6: Head back to the stone stairwell and re-enter the mansion.
    
Room 101 - Main Hall

    1: Go down the landing and turn left - enter the far door on the first
floor.

Room 106 - Art Room

    1: Bear right and open the right door with your sword key.
    
Room 107 - The Dog Hall

    1: No dogs this time! Go figure. (If you enter this room through the other
door though, watch out.)

    2: If you wish, push the second cabinet you see twice and grab the Dagger
under it.

    (Item) - Dagger
    
    3: Head on out the other side.

Room 108 - East Hallway

    1: Go forward and left, unlocking the steel door with your lockpick.
    
Room 109 - Patio

    1: Run down the length of the patio, and grab the herbs at the end.
    
    (Item) - Red Herb
    (Item) - Green Herb (x2)
    
    2: *Subscreen* You'll have to do this combining before you pick up the
herbs, but I didn't want to break it down...anyway, combine your three green
herbs together and your red and green herbs to make some space in your
inventory.

    3: Snatch the Chemical out of the wheelbarrow, and then get outta there.
    
    (Item) - Chemical
    
Room 108 - East Hallway

    1: Run down the length of the hallway, and prepare to make a decision. If
you want the Shotgun, turn left at the end of the hallway. If not, turn right...

----Optional Room 198 - Completely Harmless Room
----
----1: Turn right into the Parlor.
----
----Optional Room 199 - Parlor
----
----1: Snatch the Dagger off of the coffee table, and the Shotgun off of the 
----wall.
----
----(Item) - Dagger
----(Item) - Shotgun
----
----2: Head back into the Completely Harmless Room.
----
----Optional Room 198 - Completely Harmless Room
----
----* Skip the cutscene where Jill discovers her icky flakes. She needs some 
----Denorex!
----
----1: Try the door back to the hallway (won't open) and the door back to the 
----parlor (won't open.) Sometime during this, Barry should bust in...
----
----*Via skippable cutscene.
----
----Room 108 - East Hallway
----
----* Keep yourself from getting distracted by skipping the cutscene of splayed 
----Jill, and you're back on track.
----
    + So why take the Shotgun? Well, normally, Richard will...um...bequeath his
Assault Shotgun to you should his *cough* unlikely death occur, but while
writing this guide, I thought I could skip that part by not giving him the
serum. Then I discovered that the game won't proceed unless you do. So I thought
I'd get two. But as it turns out, when fighting the snake, if you just dash in,
get the mask, and dash out, Richard will die as soon as you leave...and he won't
drop his Assault Shotgun, either! So, luckily, I had a spare from doing some
(what I thought would be) useless task. As for how much firepower you need to
make the stupid snake hurry up and eat Richard so that he'll drop his
piece...well, that's what later revisions and user contributions are for. ;-)

    + Also, a bit of a warning...I don't know what exactly triggers Barry saving
you...but one time, I went for the Shotgun and in the Completely Harmless Room,
both doors locked...and Barry didn't save me! So be careful and prepare for a
reset if this happens.

Anyway, head forward, or right, depending on branch, into the next room.

Room 116 - Fancy Hallway

    1: Head through the first door on your right, paying no attention to
shuffling feet and moans.

Room 110 - Broken Doorway & Stairwell

    1: Run forward and either drop or evade the zombie on the first floor near
the stairwell. If it were me, I'd try for a decapitation with your Shotgun (if
you've got it)...you'll pass through here a couple times.

    2: Head into the save room on the first floor.
    
Room 111 - Storage Closet - Save Point

    1: Ah, finally, a Save Point. For maximum speed, though, don't bother with
saving. If you must, there are three ribbons in the box, which should be more
than enough for the whole game.

    2: Dump a few things in your Item Box...the Chemical, your *snort* Survival
Knife (useless to all except Vincent Merken), one herb mix, and the Shotgun (if
you've got it).

    3: Head on out to face the zombies again.
    
Room 110 - Broken Doorway and Stairwell

    1: Head on upstairs and turn right...drop or dodge the oncoming zombie with
your handgun and head out of the door he's guarding.

Room 203 - Still Another Friggin' Hallway

    + I swear, this is why I couldn't stand living in a manison. All these
hallways wasting space!

    1: Turn left, and dodge or drop the zombie in the hall. It's pretty tricky,
given the close quarters.

    2: Head into the door at the end of the hall.
    
Room 204 - Study

    1: Whole lotta stuff here. Turn left and pick up the clip on the desk, and
then turn right and pick up the Dog Whistle on the end table. (Hammer on B to
skip the note.) Finally, head over to the desk in the far corner and pick up the
lighter *sparkle sparkle*.

    (Item) - Handgun Magazine
    (Item) - Dog Whistle
    (Item) - Lighter
    
    2: Head on out the way you came in.
    
Room 203 - Still Another Friggin' Hallway

    1: OK, you get to run the gauntlet here...there's a zombie right past the
door you came in, and another after the first bend in the hall. Run past both
and go to the other end of the hall. Use your Sword key to open the door to
where you started the game.

Room 101 - Main Hall

    * Skip the cutscene where Barry pulls his gun on you and the next one too.
For fun, here's the quote: 
    Barry: "I like the buddy system."
    Jill: "Um...sure."
    However, collect the...
    
    (Item) - Acid Rounds
    
    1: Stay on the second floor, heading towards the dining room door.
    
Room 202 - Dining Hall Balcony

    1: Bear left in this hallway and use your Sword Key on the farthest door.
    
Room 204 - Stairwell and Hallway

    1: Go forward, and use your Lockpick on the first door you see, then enter.

Room 205 - Terrace

    1: Notice the Green Herbs growing there...after fighting the next battle (or
even before), get a free fill-up if you substituted my drop/dodge zombie
strategy for the get bitten/die horribly strategy.

    2: *Subscreen* Use the dog whistle, and prepare for a scrap...two dogs will
attack. One has a sparkly collar, and one doesn't. I recommend you down both,
but you only need to kill the one with the sparkly collar.

    3: Pick up the Collar and heal yourself with the green herbs if necessary.
    
    (Item) - Dog Collar
    
    4: Exit the room the way you came in and when you're prompted to discard the
Dog Whistle, do so.

    -Discard- Dog Whistle

    + However, if I know game designers and easter eggs, using the whistle
somewhere else will probably summon a dog with a rocket launcher strapped to his
collar. Nah. Oh well.

Room 204 - Stairwell and Hallway

    1: Turn left and go around the bannistered stairwell (Ach! The design of
this place!) and drop/dodge the zombie on the other side. Unlock the door and
head to...

Room 201 - Pikeman Hallway

    1: Head forward and then turn right. Even odds that the zombie on the ground
gets up from his little nap now, but you should be long gone before he's ready
to strike. 

    + He, he, he. I miss RE3's female zombies.

Room 301 - Elaborately over-engineered and trapped hallway

    1: Man, the architect here must have been a manic-depressive. Anyway, head
up the stairs and down the hall until you get to the key on the pedestal. Pick
it up...

    (Item) - Armor Key
    
    2: Oh great, the walls are closing in! *Subscreen* Examine the collar, tap
A, say yes, and a Coin will fall out. Then rotate the coin 180 degrees, and tap
A Again, and it will turn into a Imitation of a Key. Tap B, Tap up and A, and
you will Use the (Imitation) Key on the pedestal.

    -Discard- Imitation Key/Coin/Dog Collar
    
    3: Head out the way you came, lamenting the fact that the incredibly
over-engineered trap that cost $2 million to build and cut severely into the
mansion's available floorspace has been rendered useless. Poor Spencer.

Room 201 - Pikeman Hallway

    1: Watch out for the V-ACT enhanced zombie that's running around
(literally), and turn left and head into the first door after the fork in the
road. You may have to take a hit here to get by. Hoo boy.

Room 204 - Stairwell and Hallway

    1: Dodge the zombie if you haven't dropped it and head downstairs. With any
luck, the other wandering zombie is on the stairs at this point, letting you
sneak by while it does its easy-to-dodge vomit attack.

    2: Do a hairpin turn after you get off the stairs and head into the Drug
Room in the alcove.

Room 112 - Drug Room - Save Point

    1: Yay, another chance to save. We won't take it, but it's nice, isn't it?
Anyway, open up the item box and ditch your Acid Rounds, Lighter, and Sword Key.
(The sword key only opens up the Dumb-Waiter Hall to Kitchen door, and we aren't
going through that.) Also, dump any herb mixes you haven't used yet (trust me!)
and pick up the Chemical.

    2: Spin on your heel and head on out again.
    
Room 204 - Stairwell and Hallway

    1: Turn left, away from the stairwell, down another loooonnnggg curvy hall,
taking the door at the very end once you open it with your Armor Key.

Room 113 - Spooky Zombie Hallway

    1: Lament the appearance of yet another hallway and pick up the Battery Pack
on the table near you.
    
    (Item) - Battery Pack

    2: Head straight to the door at the end, with a rake nearby. Pay no
attention to those shadowy figures in the window and sound of glass banging.
It's just the trees.

Room 114 - Greenhouse
    
    1: Turn around and you'll see a pump near the door. Use the chemical and
observe the incredibly clear, concise realtime water effects. Wave Race, eat
your heart out!

    -Discard- Chemical

    2: Start pumping - be sure to switch the valve to Red, or else. Once the
fountain is weeded, shut the pump off.

    3: Pick up the five green herbs (yay!) and mix them into a double-herb and a
treble-herb. Also pick up the Death Mask at the end of the hall.

    (Item) - Green Herb (x5)
    (Item) - Death Mask
    
    4: Beat feet back into the Spooky Zombie Hallway.
    
Room 113 - Spooky Zombie Hallway

    1: Run down the hallway, noticing (but not pausing to note) that the
warranty for the windows has just expired. When you get to the fork in the hall,
turn left and run all the way down to the end. (When you get to the spoon in the
hall, pick it up and Combine with the pudding snack. Ah, that joke never gets
old.) Unlock the door at the end of the hall, and go on through.

Room 103 - Dumb Waiter Hallway

    1: Turn left and move back into the Dining Hall.
    
Room 102 - Dining Hall

    1: Run back to the Main Hall. Whoa, Deja Vu!
    
Room 101 - Main Hall

    1: All right, upstairs with you and head right. Then turn right and head to
the end of the landing, unlocking the door with your Armor Key.

Room 205 - Veranda

    1: Head down this hallway, and keep going until you happen upon your decased
comrade Forrest. (No, I will not do that joke! I am above it!) Pick up his
Grenade Launcher and the Dagger on the bench, then turn around and get back, get
back, get back to where you once belonged. 

    (Item) - Dagger
    (Item) - Grenade Launcher

    + Huh. Bravo Team weapon: Grenade Launcher. Alpha Team, whose mission is to
recover the Bravo Team, assuming the worst, since they haven't been heard from
for days, weapon: 9mm Pistol.

Room 101 - Main Hall

    1: Turn left and head to the other door on this side of the landing.
    
Room 203 - Yet Another Friggin' Hallway

    1: Watch the zombies in here (and dodge/drop them). Head for the double
doors in the center of the hall.

Room 206 - The Three Musketeers (and the other Guy)'s Room

    1: Oh no, it's a puzzle! Push the Pike Musketeer (back right) into place,
then the Battle Axe Musketeer (front left) into place, and finally, the Shield
Musketeer (front right) needs to be pushed. Watch the Sword Musketeer in the
back slide into place and hit the switch. Snatch the Jewelry Box and you're done
with this room.

    (Item) - Jewelry Box

Room 203 - Yet Another Friggin' Hallway

    1: Turn right and head into the single door near the end of the hall. Once
again, beware of zombies.

Room 207 - Richard's Resting Place

    1: Head forward...
    
    * And skip the cutscene where Richard's complaining about his flesh wound.
You'll head out of the room then. Don't bother coming back without the serum -
the game won't let you through the door while he's still alive, and it's
probably too much time lost to wait for him to die. (Hey, if you wanted touching
empathy, go watch The Iron Giant. Actually, go watch it anyway, even if you
don't want that touching empathy. But not right now, since it'll slow your speed
down a tad.)

Room 203 - YAFH

    1: Back to the Main Hall...
    
Room 101 - Main Hall

    1: ...then the Dining Hall...
    
Room 102 - Dining Hall

    1: ...and the Dumb Waiter Hall...
    
Room 103 - Dumb Waiter Hallway

    1: ...and the Spooky Zombie Hall...
    
Room 113 - Spooky Zombie Hallway

    1: Whoops! Watch those Zombies! Drop/Dodge as necessary and head forward,
taking the door on the left.

Room 204 - Stairwell and Hallway 

    1: And curve around this hallway until you get to the Drug Room.
    
Room 112 - Drug Room - Save Point

    1: Item Box time again. Dump your Grenade Launcher and...if Fine, your
Double-Herb. If you're in Caution or worse, Use the Double-Herb. If you already
used it, well, good for you. Pick up your Lighter as well.

    2: Go to the dresser and pick up the Serum. Then head on out and prepare for
a concise, ellipsis filled trek back to Richard.

Room 204 - Stairwell and Hallway

    1: Watch out, by now the Zombie's refreshed from his long nap. Have him
chase you down the hall, taking care to avoid his lunges. (Not till the third
date, mister!)

    2: Curve around to the Spooky Zombie Hallway...
    
Room 113 - Spooky Zombie Hallway

    1: ...then the Dumb Waiter Hall (watch the zombies)...
    
Room 103 - Dumb Waiter Hall

    1: ...then the Dining Hall...
    
Room 102 - Dining Hall

    1: ...Main Hall...
    
Room 101 - Main Hall

    1: ...then enter Yet Another Friggin' Hallway (ba-da-bum-ching!)...
    
Room 203 - YAFM

    1: ...and head to the first door on your right.
    
Room 207 - Richard's Resting Place

    * Skip Jill playing Flourence Nightengale and her recieving that vershunken
radio. She also utters the death words, sealing his fate. (See the Miscellany.)

    1: ...and head into the doorway at the end of the hall that the game will
finally let you through. If you want, pick up the two herbs and make a
double-herb.

Room 208 - Prelude to a Snake

    1: There's a zombie here that you'll have to deal with when you turn left.
Act as necessary and head into the room at the end of the T-junction.

Room 209 - Lower Class Dining Room

    1: Pick up the clip on the table and then use your lighter on the candleabra
(Wow! I never thought I'd actually use that word!). This will allow you to see
another handgun mag in the cabinet in the corner.

    (Item) - Handgun Magazine (x2)
    
    2: Push the bookcase out of the way, and pop your head in to get the zombie
out of there, then dodge or drop him. Pick up the Musical Score that he was
guarding and hightail it back to the hallway.

Room 208 - Prelude to a Snake

    1: You know what? You get more ellipses! Let me work the magic of Copy-Paste
to speed things up...
    
    2: ...head for Richard's Resting Place...
    
Room 207 - Richard's Resting Place

    1: ...YAFM...
    
Room 203 - YAFM

    1: ...Main Hall...
    
Room 101 - Main Hall

    1: ...then the Dining Hall...
    
Room 102 - Dining Hall

    1: Aha! No ellipses here! Snatch the Emblem off of the fireplace mantle
then...

    2: ...go to the Dumb Waiter Hall...
    
Room 103 - Dumb Waiter Hallway

    1: Wake up! Curve ball! Head down the hallway a skotch until you get to the
second door on the left. You'll need the Armor Key and you may have to clock the
nearby Zombie a couple times.

Room 115 - The Space Bar (I made teh funney!)

    1: Head to the bookshelves and push the protruding non-rendered one aside so
that you can pick up the other part of the musical score (whose official name
escapes me at the moment). Combine both, and then use it with the Piano.

    * Skip the cutscene, and buy a Beethoven CD to compensate for this immense
cultural loss.

    -Discard- Musical Score

    2: Head into the opened passage and pick up the Gold Emblem, then stick the
regular emblem in its place. 

    * The door going up and down cutscenes are not skipable, as you'll joyously
find out. 
    
    3: Now turn tail and head back out.

Room 103 - Dumb Waiter Hallway

    1: Into the Dining Hall with you.
    
Room 102 - Dining Hall

    1: Place the Gold Emblem above the fireplace and mosey over the the
grandfather clock. Then turn the large gear twice and refuse to turn anymore,
and you get the one-shot Shield Key. And prepare for ellispes II, the revenge.

    (Item) - Shield Key

    2: ...Main Hall...
    
Room 101 - Main Hall

    1: ...then enter Yet Another Friggin' Hallway (ba-da-bum-ching!)...
    
Room 203 - Yet Another Friggin' Hallway

    1: ...head to the first door on your right...
    
Room 207 - Richard's Resting Place

    1: ...Prelude to a Snake...
    
Room 208 - Prelude to a Snake

    1: Straight forward here and use the Shield Key on the door, and drop it.
    
    -Discard- Shield Key
    
Room 210 - Attic Attack

    * Enjoy the non-skippable cutscene of Jake the Snake preparing to give Jill
a french kiss (third date, mister!)

    * But skip the next one where Richard executes the infamous one-handed
shotgun chamber.

    1: Let Richard take the heat and run to the end of the attic and grab the
Death Mask.

    (Item) - Death Mask

    2: Dodge the snake and prepare to exit. OK, now here's where I've gotta try
again...I left, and found that that snake swallowed Richard whole! Without him
dropping his shotgun! If you've already got the one from where Barry saves you,
then you can skip this one. However, if you don't, you better stay and pepper
the snake with lead until it eats your friend. Either way, get out of there as
soon as is fesable. Also, *DO NOT* get bitten by the snake. If you do, you have
to trek all the way down to the Drug Room, again, to get a dose of serum. And we
can't have that.

    (Item) - Assault Shotgun (maybe)

Room 208 - Prelude to a Snake

    1: Go straight and out the hallway door.
    
Room 207 - Richard's Re...um...wait...

    1: Dodge the zombie by heading through the conviently placed space near the
support column and get outta here.

Room 203 - Yet Another Friggin' Hallway

    1: Head straight down the hall and back to near the first Save Room.
    
Room 110 - Broken Doorway & Stairwell

    1: Head downstairs and through the Save Room Door. Hey, a note on the wall!
    
Room 111 - Storage Closet

    1: Pick up the Flame Rounds that Barry leaves for you and dump them in the
Item Box. While you're here, if you don't have some form of Shotgun, then pick
one up. It's about time for a scrap. Spin on your heel and...
    
Room 110 - Broken Doorway & Stairwell
    
    1: Enter the door at the end of the first floor hallway. Before it's
repaired, you get two passes through it before the knob breaks. This is your
first and last one, yay!

Room 116 - Fancy Hallway

    1: Turn right and head to the door on your left. This should be the last
time you have to use the Armor Key, so you can stick it back in the Item Box
once you're through here.

Room 117 - Hall of Paintings

    1: No young man, old man anymore. Turn on the first switch you pass running
down the hallway, and the fourth and fifth too. Then hit the switch at the end
of the hall, and the painting will rise. Pick up the Death Mask here, now you
should have all four (one's still in the jewelry box).

    2: Unlock the gate and head on through
    
Room 105 - Graveyard

    1: Hey! Where did all the zombies go? Hmmm...anyway, head downstairs into
the crypt. Then head into the *subscreen* and apply the four masks to the four
faces. (Unlock the jewelry box by hitting the two curved switches...you don't
need to read the hint on top, either!)

    * Enjoy the non-skippable cutscenes of the coffin unchaining, falling, and
the door locking. Man, it's freaky. Super Freaky. Oh oh oh oh oooohhh.

    2: Unload a few shotgun shells into George Trevor (I think) until he falls
down again. Then pick up the sparkly in the coffin and hit the switch to open
the door.

    (Item) - Stone & Metal Object
    
    3: There are also some Shotgun shells next to the coffin, so pick 'em up.
Head upstairs. If you need them, there are some more in the square alcove next
to the crypt, in the weeds to your left.

    (Item) - Shotgun Shells (x2)
    
    4: Exit through the gate.
    
Room 117 - Hall of Paintings

    1: Believe it or not, you'll be running through here a lot. Run through and
out the other end.

Room 116 - Fancy Hallway

    1: There's a zombie right in front of you...drop/dodge him and head out the
door he's guarding.

Room 118 - Covered Atmospheric Hallway

    1: As you run down here, a dog will pop out. Jam the Stone & Metal Object in
the indentation at the end of the hall, turn right to enter the now-unlocked
door, and that's the last you'll see of that dog for the game.

    -Discard- Stone & Metal Object

Room 300 - Storage Shed

    + Now that you're in the Storage Shed, maybe you can bring out that old
ping-pong table that I've been meaning to set up in the guest room.

    1: Snag the Battery Pack on the shelf right next to the stairs and the
Shotgun Shells in the other corner of the shed.

    (Item) - Shotgun Shells
    (Item) - Battery Pack

    2: Head down the stairs and into the Courtyard.
    
Room 301 - Courtyard Path

    1: Head for the weathervanes...
    
    * Skipping the static-filled radio conversation cutscene that pops up.
"Bzzt...don't...zbzzzz...go exactly where you're...zzzz...headed!"

    2: You know what? When I solved this puzzle the first time, I didn't even
look at the signpost up the path. Oddly enough, I didn't think this puzzle was
silly without the signs, either. Anyhoo, your goal is to get the dogs to face
away from the path. Do so my making the Red Weathervane face West and the Blue
Weathervane face North. The gate will unlock and the rather pitiful stretch of
game will be in the bag.

Room 302 - Courtyard Graveyard

    1: Run past all crows in the graveyard straight to the other side...you
shouldn't get pecked.

Room 303 - Cabin Path

    * Pay no attention to the non-skippable cry and chain rattling...
    
    1: ...and mosey on up the very long path. When you come to a fork in the
road, keep on going straight and head straight into Abe Lincoln's old house.

Room 304 - Cabin - Save Point

    1: Go down the long, twisty hallway of the Cabin (once again, who designed
this place?) until you pass a typewriter and item box. Keep going and pick up
the Crank! *groan* Then stuff the Shotgun Shells in the item box and take out a
healing item if you don't have one. Then head past the typewriter...

    * ...and get beaned in the back of the head in a non-skippable cutscene.
    
    * Enjoy the next non-skippable cutscene too. "Oh, hello, Jill, dearie. Would
you like some hot chocolate?"

    2: Run past Alice in Chains and exit the Cabin. Notice that she only has one
attack...to swing her arms and bean you with her wrist shackle. Furthermore, she
swings from her left to her right, so if you run past her on her right when
she's swinging her arms back, preparing to strike, you'll get by without a
scratch.

Room 303 - Cabin Path

    1: Put one foot in front of the other repeatedly back to whence you came. A
zombie popped up while you were gone, but the space behind him is so wide, you
can move past him without even waking him up.

Room 302 - Courtyard Graveyard

    1: Straight ahead and out of here. (No hand cannon for you!)
    
Room 301 - Courtyard Path

    1: Run back up the curvy path and into the shed.

Room 300 - Storage Shed

    1: Now that you've got the crank, head up the stairs and out the double
doors.

Room 305 - Ivy Gardens

    1: OK, there are three dogs here, that may or may not be awake. Run
forward...

    * ...and skip out of another static-filled radio call. "Guys? Are you dead?
Cause if you are, I'm gonna head over to Bennigan's for a Coors Light..." And
Jill uses a naughty word too! Kiss your mother with that mouth?

    2: Now that that's taken care of, run straight ahead past the dogs and up
the stairs leading to the wrought-iron gates. Open 'er up!

Room 306 - Reflecting Pool

    1: Use the crank on the hole (hi-ho! Get the kids outta the room!) and...
    
    * Enjoy the non-skippable cutscene of watching Jill crank, once, twice,
three times. The lady.
    
    * Skip watching the water drain away.
    
    2: Go down into the pool and up onto the other side. Unfortunately, the
construction crew forgot to put up "Danger: Falling Snakes" signs when they
repaved the walk, so you get a nice surprise on your little stroll. Head down
the path...hopefully you won't get posioned. Head down the rusted full-metal
elevator.

Room 307 - Fountain Pavillion

    1: Just a bunch of crows in here, who should be easily avoided. Turn right
and head all the way down to the gate on the other end of the walkway.

Room 308 - Path to Dormitories

    1: Be sure to pick up the Red Herb near where you came in...
    
    (Item) - Red Herb
    
    2: Then run all the way down the path to the dorms. Depending on your luck,
you may have to contend with more falling snakes. I swear, do they have no sense
of balance?

Room 309 - Dorm Entrance Hall

    1: If you got posioned somewhere back there, head straight forward and pick
up (and use) a Blue Herb to heal yourself. If you didn't, then don't worry about
it.

    (Item) - Blue Herb
    
    2: Pull a 180 Kickflip Indy Nosebone Kneegrind and head down the long leg of
the T junction. See that box in the hall? Push it forward a few times and then
push it into the part of the hall that already has crates in it, over the hole
on the right of the screen. Now all three crates should be in a straight line.
Now that that's done, head into the double doors at the end of the long leg of
the T junction.

    + Resident Evil Start to Crate: approx. 1 hour

Room 310 - Pool Room

    + Wow! These guys have an indoor pool!
    
    1: Run under the spider on the ceiling and turn right, picking up the Green
Herb on the ground. Then head down the stairs and pick up the Shotgun Shells,
the Red Book, and the First Aid Kit.

    2: If you need more space, consult your *Subscreen* and combine your Red and
Green herbs together. While you're here, examine and pan to the top of the First
Aid Kit, then tap A. You'll open it and find a Green/Blue Mixed herb in here.
Sweet!

    3: Now that you've got some swag, head on out through the double doors the
way you came.

Room 309 - Dorm Entrance Hall

    1: Go down the hallway and head into the save room, it's past the crates and
on your left.

Room 311 - Dorm Storage Closet - Save Point

    1: Dump the Shotgun Shells, the Crank, and any extra healing items you have
should you have more than one. Be sure to snatch the Battery Pack off of the
shelf, though. 

    (Item) - Battery Pack
    
    2: Hightail it outta there.

Room 309 - Dorm Entrance Hall

    1: Make a hairpin turn and clamber over the crates to the door on the other
side. (If you don't, you'll say hello to a little friend in the floorboards.)

Room 312 - Dorm Main Hall

    1: Still...another...long...curvy...hall. Sigh. Once you reach the doors,
take the second one you see.

    * What's this? A skippable cutscene? Yes, it is. Don't bother to eavesdrop
on Barry, you'll have plenty of time to pay him back for his crimes later.

    2: Tap A again and enter...
    
Room 313 - Dorm 002

    + Yikes! My numbering system died a quick and painful death. 

    * Anyhow, skip your heart to heart with Barry and direct your attention to
the bookshelves.

    1: Why, they can be pushed! And pushed a lot more easily since you don't
have Zombies nipping at your heels in here yet. Slide the left one back and the
right one to the left until you can see the ladder. Don't bother climbing down
quite yet, though.

    2: Instead, since you've been holding it in for the past hour, head to the
loo.

Room 314 - Dorm 002's Can

    1: Head over to the sparkly in the cabinet on the right and snatch it up.
(Geez, Jill must have involuntarily developed kleptomania by now.)

    (Item) - Residence Key (Dorm 001 Key)
    
    2: Since this game doesn't support buffer flushing, your work here is done.
Move out.

Room 313 - Dorm 002

    1: Oh no! Barry became a Zombie! (Yeah, well, *you* explain that zombie
showing up now.) You won't deal with him yet, though, turn right and leave.

Room 312 - Dorm Main Hall

    1: Enjoy the traversal of yet another long curvy hallway...
    
Room 309 - Dorm Entrance Hall

    1: ...and clamber over the crates again. I swear. It's almost worth getting
squeezed by that thing to skip the crates. Almost. Anyhow, head to the door on
the left side of the screen and use the key on it. Discard the key (what the
heck? A key that only works on one lock?) and go on in.

    -Discard- Dorm 001 Key

Room 315 - Dorm 001

    1: Right, there's a zombie floating in midair. (Bah, cheap special effects
Capcom. I see string!) Anyhow, if you're the Handgun sort, then pick up the
Magazine on the desk. There's also a Self-Defense Gun on the desk as well, but I
say don't bother with it. On the one hand, it's rumored to have phenomenonal
power, but on the other hand, it's only got one shot, and whenever you're
through with it, you can't just throw it away. Plus there aren't any reloads in
the game for it.

    + Time for me to go on a Dennis Miller-style rant. OK, you're all alone in
the mansion and you have limited equipment. But somehow you manage to find
ammunition that just happens to be the exact same caliber and exact same clip
size as the weapon that you just happened to bring into this mansion by chance?
Granted, some weapons can't be reloaded (good job, Capcom, seriously) but most
just happen to have lots of prevalent ammo around the house. You know what I'd
like to see? You infiltrate the mansion with an MP5 and 5 clips, and a Colt .45
with 5 clips, 2 first aid sprays, and that's all you get. Absolutely no weapons
or ammo in the house. Oh well. Maybe next game.

    (Item) - Handgun Magazine (optional)
    (Item) - Self-Defense Gun (optional)

    2: Having read through that rant and tacking on thirty seconds to your speed
game (ah ha, sucker!), notice that you have a bladder the size of a thimble and
head into the throne room.

Room 316 - Dorm 001's Throne Room

    1: Get the plumbing working again by pulling the drain plug out of the tub.
Pay no attention to the loud thump and the sleeper advancing towards your leg.
Just pluck out the key here.

    (Item) - Control Room Key

    2: Spin and door-dive on outta there. (Hey, if that Zombie walked in on Jill
in the Throne Room, she'd be mad too!)

Room 315 - Dorm 001

    1: Turn left and head on back to the hallway.

Room 309 - Dorm Entrance Hall

    1: We're gonna do an item swap here while we're in the area.
    
Room 311 - Dorm Storage Closet - Save Point

    1: Well, it's about time to call it a day for our trusty Handgun. Stuff it
and the Handgun Mags in the Box, and take out the Shotgun with its Shells. Also
take out your Grenade launcher and load it with flame rounds. (Put the regular
rounds back in the box.) Finally, get at least one healing item on your person.
Time to seize the day!

Room 309 - Dorm Entrance Hall

    1: Clamber over the crates again and sigh inwardly with joy...the best crate
experience is yet to come! And head on out the door.

Room 312 - Dorm Main Hall

    1: Long curvy hallway again...make your way to Dorm 002.
    
Room 313 - Dorm 002

    1: Drop that Zombie...consider slaying him if you're gonna come back. When I
was making the tape, I got lucky and scored a handgun decap (sweet!)

    2: Auger around the corpse and head on down the ladder.
    
Room 317 - Aqua Velva

    + Well, it just sounded nice.
    
    1: Time for more 'fun' with crates! Run down to the crate nearest the water
pool and push it in. Then push the next nearest one straight into the water.
Finally, push that last crate on the previous screen so that it's up against the
wall the other crates were up against, then push it into the water. For all your
work, you are going to cross this bridge...once. Oy Vey. Maybe video games are
responsible for violence.

    2: Head across your bridge and snatch the green herb on the other side. If
your health is not fine, make it fine with the herb. You are going to take a
couple hits in the next segment.

    (Item) - Green Herb

Room 318 - Aqua Ring 1F

    1: Deep Breath, then turn right...
    
    * ...and skip the Point-Of-View monster's cutscene.
    
    2: Now...run! I can pretty much guarantee that you'll be bitten at least
once, and perhaps twice, and/or gnawed on. Just keep running...they'll get
theirs in a minute. Keep running forward until you run up some stairs and to
safety. Open the door and discard the key once you do so.

    -Discard- Control Room Key

Room 319 - Control Room 

    1: Head down the ladder and notice the whiteboard to the left side of the
control room - memorize the valve it tells you to open (which varies from game
to game.) Now turn around and try to activate the draining system. When you do,
the shark will want to get a closer look, and while telling you that you need to
hit alt-F7, smashes the window. This leads to...a timed puzzle!

    2: Turn right and release the safety, then turn 180 and try to activate the
pressure shelter. Then, make a hairpin turn over to the oil valves, opening the
one that was noted on the whiteboard. Make another hairpin back to the control
consoles, and activate the safety. Next to last, turn 180 and activate the
pressure shelter. And finally *evil grin* activate the draining system again.

    3: If you like, pick up the First Aid Kit lying around...it's got a First
Aid Spray inside. Otherwise, pull a 180 and turn right and head out the
previously underwater door.

Room 320 - Soaked Warehouse

    1: There are some Shotgun Shells on the shelves here, near the wet Dynamite.
    
    (Item) - Shotgun Shells
    
    2: Head out of the nearby double doors (not the far away double gates).
    
Room 321 - Aqua Ring B1

    1: Point and laugh at the beached sharks. Man, they're like fish out
of...cash. (Well, if you're out of cash, you're not going anywhere either.)
Auger over to the other end of the ring, and you'll find the momma shark in the
kiddie pool. Walk past her and go for the shiny object on the platform. Yikes!
She's not quite gone yet!

    * In fact, she smashes part of your platform with a non-skippable cutscene!
    
    2: Teach her a lesson by pushing the generator into the water and flipping
the switch on the left...

    * Counterattacking with your own non-skippable cutscene! (I derive a rather
perverse pleasure from this one.)

    3: As it turns out, a current that can fry a 3 ton shark is perfectly safe
for Jill, so hop in the water, grab that shiny object, and put it in your nest.

    (Item) - Gallery Key
    
    4: Head back up the stairs and out of the Aqua Ring.
    
Room 320 - Soaked Warehouse

    1: Turn right and head out of the double-gates.
    
Room 321 - Soaked Loading Dock

    1: Make a 315 degree turn at the end of the hall, then watch Jill climb the
wet, chemically soaked, slippery metal ladder incredibly fast. Unlock the door
at the end of the hall. 

Room 317 - Aqua Velva

    1: Head back to the ladder and up again.
    
Room 313 - Dorm 002

    1: Mosey over to the hall exit.
    
Room 312 - Dorm Main Hall

    1: Now head to the Gallery, the door you've passed over every visit to this
hallway...until now. Use and toss the key.

    -Discard- Gallery Key
    
Room 322 - Gallery

    1: Killer! Bees! Don't bother dropping them, since they'll keep pouring out
of the hive. However, head down the hallway that curves to the left when you
come in and pick up the sprayer from the dead guy.

    (Item) - Insecticide Spray
    
    2: About face and out the way you came in.
    
Room 312 - Dorm Main Hall

    1: Head past Dorm 002 to the end of the hallway and pick up the map. In
doing so...

    * You'll get a somewhat scary, somewhat annoying non-skippable cutscene of
the bees swarming. You'll also take a step back.

    2: Step forward, then hit the *Subscreen* and Use that Insecticide Spray!
    
    * In a heartwarming, non-skippable cutscene, humans assert their superiority
over insects. Good thing the bees didn't gang up with any cockroaches.

    3: Evade the four straggler bees that came out of the wall (you should only
have to deal with one sting) and head back into the gallery.

Room 322 - Gallery

    1: Turn left and head down the curvy hall and pick up the Room 003 Key at
the end.

    (Item) - 003 Key
    
    2: Now head back the way you came and use the 003 Key on the 003 door.
(Geez, that was the shortest lifespan I've ever seen for an item. No, wait,
that's the fuse unit.)

    -Discard- 003 Key
    
Room 323 - Dorm 003

    1: Head over to the bookshelf and take out that white book. (Hammer on B to
stop reading it.) Now use your Red Book on the Bookshelf.

    -Discard- Red Book
    
    2: Now you get a little puzzle where you have to assemble a naked woman. Who
says that games can't teach skills applicable to real life? To solve this,
switch (from the left) Books 1 and 4, Books 6 and 2, Books 7 and 3. The
bookshelf will now slide open and reveal a hidden doorway!

Room 324 - Plant 42's Den

    1: Well, load up your Grenade Launcher and go to town on him. I recommend
standing on the landing so that you don't have to aim up. Believe it or not, I
made the V-Jolt for the tape, figuring that traveling through twelve rooms was
faster than firing 3-5 rounds (I dunno, I made the V-Jolt). Anyway, just frag
that fauna, whack that weed, fry that flower and avoid that alliteration, then
you'll be able to find the Helmet Key in the fireplace. 

    (Item) - Helmet Key

    2: Head out the double doors.
    
Room 322 - Gallery

    1: Snatch the Red Herb at your feet and get outta here.
    
    (Item) - Red Herb
    
Room 312 - Dorm Main Hall.

    1: Traverse this long curvy hallway for the final time...
    
    * And skip the cutscene about Wesker pointing the finger at Barry. (You know
which one.)

    2: Note...after this cutscene ends, you're further down the hall than you
were before, and turned around! So turn around, and keep going down the hall to
its end. (Three guesses what mistake I made for the tape.)

Room 309 - Dorm Entrance Hall

    1: Clamber over the crates one last time, and take a quick stop in the Item
Room.

Room 311 - Dorm Storage Closet - Save Point

    1: Ditch everything but your Shotgun, Shells, a healing item, and the Helmet
Key. Also, this is about the halfway point of the game, so it's not unreasonable
to save your progress here.

Room 309 - Dorm Entrance Hall

    1: Snatch a Blue Herb here as insurance against those ruddy snakes outside,
then head back out towards the mansion.

Room 308 - Path to Dormitories

    1: Watch out for those darn snakes if they're here...but don't use your
insurance policy quite yet if you're posioned.

    * Also, skip the cutscene featuring your favorite chickenheart and favorite
foul-mouth.

Room 307 - Fountain Pavillion

    1: Wow, those crows have all grown up...into dogs! However, you can run past
a sleeper and get the elevator straight ahead started in the nick of time.

Room 306 - Reflecting Pool

    1: Darn snakes again...run past them all and down the ladder into where the
pool used to be. If you've been posioned, then now is the time to use your Blue
Herb.

    2: Up the other ladder and straight ahead...we're almost back at the
mansion.

Room 305 - Ivy Gardens

    1: The three dogs are still here. It's a bit challenging, but try running
around them. If you must drop them, kill them too. You'll be back here later,
and your effort will pay off.

    2: Head straight and back into...
    
Room 300 - Storage Shed

    1: Hey, a note on the wall! And ammo on the floor! Snatch up the Battery
Pack and Explosive Shells. Then head straight ahead and out, back towards the
mansion.

    (Item) - Battery Pack
    (Item) - Explosive Shells

Room 118 - Covered Atmospheric Hallway

    1: What did I tell ya? The dog is gone. Run down the hall to the door on the
other end.

Room 116 - Fancy Hallway

    1: Turn right and take a running step forward...
    
    * And skip the Point-Of-View Monster's scene. Man, he jumped right up an
elevator shaft! If we could do that, we could skip going back to the mansion!

    2: Keep running forward while the Hunter behind you scratches his claws on a
blackboard. Take the door straight ahead.

Room 117 - Hall of Paintings

    1: All the way through and out the gated entrance to the graveyard.
    
Room 105 - Graveyard

    1: Now head up the stone stairs and back into the mansion.
    
Room 101 - Main Hall

    1: All right, I'm gonna deviate a little from what I've got on the tape and
head downstairs. Now turn left and use your Helmet Key to open the only door on
this floor you haven't been through yet...the one nearest the stairwell.

Room 119 - Painting Parlor

    1: Nothing useful on the desk or in the dresser, so head forward and turn
right, then head down the hall to the door at the other end.

Room 120 - Mirror Gallery

    1: There's a Jewelry Box, a Green Herb, a Blue Herb planter, and a zombie in
here. You only need to deal with one, so snatch the zomb...no, wait, the Jewelry
Box and head out.

    (Item) - Jewelry Box

Room 119 - Painting Parlor

    1: Back out into the Main hall with you.
    
Room 101 - Main Hall

    1: Now head upstairs and turn right, up the next set of stairs and into the
door that leads to Yet Another Friggin' Hallway. (Why? Well, would you rather
deal with zombies or Hunters? Yeah, thought so.)

Room 203 - Yet Another Friggin' Hallway

    1: Watch out for any zombies left over from after you were fighting the
snake, and make your way to the first door on the right at the other end of the
hall.

Room 110 - Broken Doorway & Stairwell

    1: OK, this is tricky...there's a Hunter downstairs that's been alerted to
your presence (your Christmas presence! Ah, ha, that's a good one.), and there's
another one in the second floor hallway waiting for you. Deep breath, then run
past the stairs and you should leave the former in the dust, then auger around
the latter any way you can. If you need to, drop him for a second with one
shotgun round. Keep going to the doorway at the end of the hall on the second
floor.

Room 211 - Study

    1: There's a green herb on the ground here in case your tangle with the
Hunters was tougher than you thought.

    (Item) - Green Herb
    
    2: Head out the other door, using your Helmet Key.
    
Room 212 - Theme Park Room

    + Is this room actually...shrinking? And consider this chilling fact...there
are no doors or windows! So now I offer this chilling challenge...to find a way
out! Of course...there's always...*my* way. Bwa hah ha ha ha ha ha!
*thunderclap*

    1: No snake here this time, just a weird puzzle. Push the statue into the
hall and marvel at the Star Wars trash compactor walls. You don't need R2D2
here, though. Push it all the way to the end of the hall, then circle back and
make a hairpin left through an alcove. Huh...cheap designers didn't put any art
on the backside of the crush walls!

    2: Flip the switch, then spin on your heels and make a hairpin back to the
part of the hallway where the statue is. Push it towards the left side of the
screen until it sets down on the square and automagically snaps into place.
So...Spencer apparently wanted to entertain his guests by throwing a bag of
oranges in there and turning them into juice? Oh well.

    3: Head under the artwork that rises up and snatch the Dagger off the end
table and jump into the pit. (Barry isn't around this time to ineptly lure you
into it, so you have to take full responsibility for this one.)

    (Item) - Dagger
    
Room 119 - George Trevor's Grave

    1: Examine the gravestone and learn that the builder of this mansion suffers
from Reverse Exorcist Syndrome...they moved the body, but didn't move the
headstone! Anyhoo, snatch up the light reading material on the ground and then
head to the ladder revealed under the headstone once you flip the switch and
hammer on B to skip the diary scene. (Man, they buried this guy in the kitchen?
Huh.)

    (Item) - Last Book Vol. 1

Room 120 - Kitchen Passage

    1: Right, I have no idea what purpose this hallway is supposed to have.
Anyway, head left at the fork in the road, and don't bother bothering the
spiders here. Remember the sage advice from Bad Street Brawler: "Never Trouble
Trouble Til Trouble Troubles you." No, wait. Forget that advice. Please, erase
every semblance of Bad Street Brawler from your memory. And get the heck out of
here by using the door at the end of the hall.

Room 121 - Kitchen Generator

    1: Head down the hall and snatch (and use) the Blue Herb if one of those
darn spiders got a hit in, and then grab the Red Herb.

    (Item) - Red Herb
    
    2: Now keep going down the hall and you'll see a dagger in the middle of a T
junction.

    (Item) - Dagger
    
    3: OK, now you're surrounded by zombies. Don't panic, and drop the one
straight ahead of you (assuming that you still haven't changed direction), then
run into that hallway. Well, whaddya know, a fusebox! Set the fusebox to
switchover (um...huh? If the fuse blew, don't you need a new one?) then run on
back to the T junction. This time, turn right and drop the zombie in this part
of the T. Head on out the door at his end of the hall, unlock and enter.

Room 122 - Kitchen (Bet you weren't expecting that!)

    1: In about the only logical item placement of the game, there's a dagger on
the table here.

    (Item) - Dagger
    
    2: Now that the Dumb Waiter works, turn right and squeeze around the zombie
who'll swing and miss. Pay no mind to the one on the floor, and summon the
elevator. Once it shows up, tap A again.

Room 123 - Dumb Waiter

    * Enjoy the non-skippable scene of Jill riding the elevator. (It would have
been funnier with cheezy music.)

Room 213 - Hidden Hallway

    + OK, I fully understand and appreciate hidden rooms in mansions. But hidden
Hallways? Sigh.

    1: There are a couple of plants growing in the alcove to your left...two
greens and a red, guarded by a member of the undead. If you need them, go ahead
and take them, but I imagine that space is getting a little tight right now.

    2: So instead, head right and enter the first door you see, dropping the
nearby zombie before entering.

Room 214 - Cramped Closet

    1: Lessee, lots of swag in here to pick up. First and foremost, though, is
the Battery on the desk. Then, go for the Battery Pack on the carpet, the
Shotgun Shells, and, if you have room, the Acid Rounds. About face and amskray.

    (Item) - Battery
    (Item) - Battery Pack
    (Item) - Shotgun Shells
    (Item) - Acid Rounds

Room 213 - Hidden Hallway

    1: The zombie dropped, it's a lead-pipe cinch to turn left, unlock the door
there, and head into another hallway.

Room 201 - Pikeman Hallway

    1: Careful here...there's at least one and probably more V-ACT's waiting for
you. Deal with them by using this sage advice from Calvin's (of Calvin & Hobbes
- by Bill Watterson) alter-ego, Tracer Bullet:

    "I decided to introduce her to a friend of mine who's very close to my
heart. Just a little down and left, to be specific. My friend is an elequoent
speaker. He made three profound arguments while I excused myself from the room.
I always leave when the talk gets philosophical."

    In other words, you're probably at the point of the game where you have
loads of ammo you don't need, so smoke those zombies if they dare cross your
path.

    2: Aahhh, that was fun. Pass through the pikemen and turn left, heading out
of the door on your left-hand side.

Room 204 - Stairwell and Hallway

    1: Hmmm...no zombies. Oh well, I suspect nothing. Open the Helmet door on
your right with the key, but don't enter it quite yet.
    
    2: Head down the stairwell and take a much needed item dump.

Room 112 - Drug Room - Save Point

    1: Let's see...dump the Eagle Book, any healing items you may have beyond
the first one, the Acid Shells should you have them, and load the Grenade
Launcher with Explosive Rounds and arm yourself with that. Finally, grab that
ruddy crank. You'll need it in about ten minutes. (Luckily, you'll never need it
again after that.) So, you should have...

    Shotgun
    Shotgun Shells
    Grenade Launcher (Explosive Rounds)
    Jewelry Box
    Battery
    Helmet Key
    Crank
    Healing Item
    
    2: Prepare your mind and body for another scrap, and head out.
    
Room 204 - Stairwell and Hallway

    1: Still nothing here. Huh. Head upstairs and turn right to the Pikeman
room.

Room 201 - Pikeman Hallway

    1: Head straight and turn right down the hall...since we don't want to hurt
Mr. Spencer's feelings, we'll take one more look at his overengineered trap.

Room 301 - Elaborately over-engineered and trapped hallway

    1: Move all the way through this hallway admiring the sheen that the knights
have despite the incredible amount of dust in the other parts of the room.
Spencer must have hired a guy to come by every day with silver polish or
something. Notice the door at the end of the hall, and use your Helmet Key on
it. You should be prompted to kick it to the curb at this point, so do so.

    -Discard- Helmet Key
    
Room 214 - Library

    1: There are a couple Green Herbs growing here...snag one and use it if
you're not feeling fine. Otherwise, leave them alone.

    (Item) - Green Herb
    
    2: Head forward down the cinematically rich hallway...
    
    * And get accosted by a non-skippable cutscene! Apparently Jake the Snake
wants to move in for another kiss. He won't take Jill's compromise of bending at
the waist and hugging from arm's length, so...

    3: Keep going forward and decend the ladder, and the snake will do likewise.
Now, get that Grenade Launcher up and blast the snake as many times as it takes.
(I'd say it should be about six, but last time I...um...had technical
difficulties. I know it takes ten shotshells, though.)

    * In its non-skippable death-throes, the snake will smash the bookshelf,
breaking the book on the other side out of its display case!

    4: Head over and snatch that book up. No, it's not Danielle Steele...
    
    (Item) - Last Book Vol. 2
    
    5: Well, you've killed something and messed up the room. Your work here is
done. Head back up the ladder (the other door on this floor is broken) and leave
the way you came.

Room 301 - Elaborately over-engineered and trapped hallway

    1: Wonder where Spencer got those suits of armor from and get to the other
end of the hallway.

Room 201 - Pikeman Hallway

    1: Left at the first bend and straight through the door in front of your
face.

Room 204 - Stairwell and Hallway

    1: Head into the first door on your right.
    
Room 215 - Trophy Room

    1: Man, that Eagle there is watching you like a...um...bird of some sort.
Anyhow, there are some Grenade Rounds on one shelf and a Dagger on the other.
(Be sure to stuff the Rounds into your launcher manually - you'll have to pick
them up after step three here.)

    (Item) - Grenade Rounds
    (Item) - Dagger
    
    2: Now push the cabinet near the deer trophy so that it touches the
adjoining desk. Then, run around to the bull trophy so that the Eagle locks
(*Ka-chunk!*) facing that direction. Then run for the box near the deer trophy,
tap A to climb it, then tap A again to examine the deer. Hey! Jewelry!

    (Item) - Red Gemstone
    
    3: Man, it's a shame you need to use this somewhere else...Jill could hock
this for some serious cash. That and the solid gold emblem. Anyhow, time for a
trip to your *Subscreen* Combine the Red Jewel and the Jewelry Box, and all the
pieces of the box will fall out...all over the flo...erm...subscreen. Fit them
into position (I'm gonna cop out here and tell you to scan DEngel's Jewel Box
solution, also on GameFAQs.com, to solve this. Just hit back and find the link
to his guide. It's OK, I'll wait.)


    (Geez! I meant that I'd wait for you to solve the puzzle, not to stop for
lunch and repaint the garage! Anyway, you should now have the Spencer Broach.
Examine this and it becomes the Switchblade Key. I mean, the Spencer Key.)

    -Discard- Jewelry Box
    -Discard- Red Gemstone
    
    (Item) - Spencer Key

    4: OK, enough of this room. Move out!
    
Room 204 - Stairwell and Hallway

    1: Gee, it's overly suspiciously quiet in here. Climb down the stairs
and...nothing. Then move past the suspicious looking windows...and...nothing.
Huh. Oh well. Keep going down the long hallway to its end.

Room 113 - Spooky Zombie Hallway

    1: If the zombies are still here, make them, like, not be here, OK? But turn
right and head to the end of the hall.

Room 103 - Dumb Waiter Hallway

    1: Turn left and head for the Dining Hall
    
Room 102 - Dining Hall

    1: ...and into the main hall.
    
Room 101 - Main Hall

    1: Now head up the stairs and through the door on the 1 1/2 floor landing.
    
Room 105 - Graveyard

    1: Down the stone staircase, and head through the gates here.
    
Room 117 - Hall of Paintings

    1: Quickly admire the expertly done paintings and run, hairpin turn, run to
the door on the other end of the hall.

Room 116 - Fancy Hallway

    1: Remember the FMV you skipped of the Point of View Monster earlier? (No,
not the shark, the other Point of View monster!) Well, it's back for revenge
here. It's straight ahead of you, so auger right to the fancy door, quickly use
and discard your Spencer Key, and be saved by the fact that the Hunter lacks the
cranial capacity to open doors.

    -Discard- Spencer Key
    
Room 122 - Spencer's Study

    1: Wow, Spencer certainly has a lot of weird things in here. Snatch up the
Emblem, the Shotgun Shells in the left drawer of the desk, and the Battery Pack
on the cabinet. (You'll have to turn on the light on the desk to see, though. Do
a striptease for it.)

    (Item) - Emblem
    (Item) - Shotgun Shells
    (Item) - Battery Pack
    
    2: Ten-hut! About Face! Forward March!
    
Room 116 - Fancy Hallway

    1: Oh dear, that Hunter's still there, isn't he? Well, get fairly close
(i.e.: just out of swiping range) and drop him with a single Shotgun Shell. Then
run right past him and out onto the patio.

Room 118 - Covered Atmospheric Hallway

    1: Run forward into the only other door here.
    
Room 300 - Storage Shed

    1: Head out of the double doors straight ahead.
    
Room 305 - Ivy Gardens

    1: Watch out yet again for the three dogs here as you run straight ahead, up
the stairs and through the wrought-iron gates at the end.

Room 306 - Reflecting Pool

    1: Guess what? You get to deal with those ruddy snakes again! Slip in
between them and don't get posioned. Otherwise, you'll have to make a quick
stopover at the Dorms to pick up a Blue Herb.

    2: Run forward, down one ladder and up the other, bypass the slithering
Slytherin mascots (go Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw!) and into Stanley Kubrick's
third-to-last film, Full Metal Elevator.

Room 307 - Fountain Pavillion

    1: There are a couple of dogs here. Give them a little prodding with your
buckshot and make your way forward to the end of the pavillion.

    2: Shove that battery into the empty slot at the end of the pavillion. It's
a shame that we can't jerry-rig this sucker to the Stun Gun Jill has. 

    -Discard- Battery
    
    3: Now that the nearby elevator is working, head into it and up.
    
Room 305 - Ivy Gardens

    1: Three dogs again...if they get in your way, blast them into next Tuesday.
    
    2: Head forward and turn left at the end of the hall, and head back through
the wrought-iron gates at the other end of the gardens.

Room 306 - Reflecting Pool

    1: Turn left into the alcove...then head into *Subscreen* and Use the Crank.
    
    * Once again, enjoy Jill's non-skippable cranking action...
    
    * But skip the water flowing back into the pool cutscene.
    
    2: Turn around and head back out the way you came.
    
Room 305 - Ivy Gardens

    1: Dogs yet again...but this is the last time you'll have to pass through
here, honest.

    2: Decend the steps and head forward, turning right and down the hallway to
the metal elevator.

Room 307 - Fountain Pavillion

    1: Hey, the waterfall stopped! Now you can run headlong through the passage
revealed straight ahead, paying no mind to any dogs that may be nipping at your
heels. Tap A twice once you reach the ladder.

Room 401 - Catacomb Entrance - Save Point

    1: Huh, the mansion was built over a uranium mine. Make your way to the Item
Box straight ahead, and dump that useless crank (Yay!) to make room for another
one (Boo!) Also dump your Last Book Vol.2 as well as the Emblem, and load your
Grenade Launcher with Flame Rounds. Pack your Survival Knife too. (Yeah,
yeah...you'll need it soon enough.)

    2: Now turn around and run almost all the way back to the ladder, as there's
a door on the left that you should enter.

Room 402 - Catacombs

    1: Turn left and head straight into...

Room 403 - Catacomb Elevator Shaft B1

    1: There are some handgun mags on the floor, but you've switched to some
heavier artillery by now, so pass them by.

    2: Turn right after you pass the elevator shaft and run all the way to the
door at the end of the hall.

Room 404 - Dramatic Betrayal Hallway

    1: Make your way down the hallway...
    
    * And skip the cutscene featuring S.T.A.R.S number two Enrico. I think he
has the second best voice acting in the game, which obviously means that he'll
be whacked after three lines of dialogue.

    2: After the cutscene, you'll be right next to Enrico. Tap A...
    
    * To pass over the skippable cutscene about whoever shot Enrico being a
professional. I'll say...that round went clean through a bulletproof vest!

    3: Wait, he's holding something. Pick up the (Hex) Crank, (So...Enrico's
great discovery: a confession? Some evidence? A Tape? No. A crank.) and head
out. 

    (Item) - Crank (yay.)

    4: Yikes! This hunter learned how to open doors! Drop him with one shotshell
and leave him in the dust.

Room 403 - Catacomb Elevator Shaft B1

    1: Head all the way forward to the wall and turn left, and out the door.
    
Room 402 - Catacombs

    1: Oh great, more hunters in a compressed space. Since there are two (making
dodging hard) and you'll need to come back here (making you dodge twice), take
the lazy basthick method and make both hunters' lives flash before their eyes.
("Me life flashed before me eyes! It was very boring." - Chicken Run)

    2: Once that's taken care of, keep heading straight out of the catacomb.

Room 401 - Catacomb Entrance

    1: Head right down the hall and past the item box. Keep going until you
notice the Hex Hole in the wall. 

    2: Consult your *Subscreen* and Use the Crank...
    
    * And watch the lovely non-skippable wall-moving scene. It's like Archamedes
said...give me a lever large enough and I can move the world. (Where else but
GameFAQ's can you pick up such culture?)

    3: Head down the hallway and snag the Green Herb right before opening the
door. Depending on your confidence, arm your Grenade Launcher or your Survival
Knife and open the door...

Room 405 - Catacombs Part Ducks (pardon my French. Ba-da-bum, ching!)

    1: Turn right at the fork in the road...there seems to be a giant boulder
blocking your path! Turn around after examining it with A.

    2: Uh oh! The boulder wants to get up close and personal! Run back to the
alcove in the hall where you came in...

    * Skipping Jill rolling out of danger and breathing heavily. Can't have you
getting distracted now, we've still got at least 20 minutes to go!

    3: Run back to the passage that the boulder was blocking and snatch up the
Shotgun Shells (if you've got plenty, then skip this step.)

    (Item) - Shotgun Shells
    
    4: Now run towards where the boulder smashed into the wall...hey! It's a
good thing it did try and crush you, because it revealed a passage!

Room 406 - Spider Alcove

    + Spiders, man! Spiders, man! They do what ever...spiders can! Spin their
webs...any size! Feeds on humans, zombies, or flies!

    * Enjoy the non-skippable introduction to the species and...

    1: If you armed your Grenade Launcher, train the crosshairs on the biggest
spider (Be gentle, she just became a widow) and fire two flame rounds. Then arm
your knife.

    2: Now, I haven't tested this, mind, but it seems that this boss doesn't
*have* to be defeated. So, with either two or three spiders trailing you, swipe
the webs covering the other door five times and leave this area. Don't worry
about posion, just finish the job! Whatever doesn't kill you can only make you
stronger and all that. Once the passage is clear, get outta there.

Room 407 - Revenge of the Catacombs

    1: If you got posioned, snag (and use) a Blue Herb on the left end of the
hall. If you didn't, well, snag one anyway as an insurance policy. (If you've
been posioned, grab both.)

    (Item) - Blue Herb (possibly x2)
    
    2: Now do an about face and run to the end of the hall.

Room 408 - Son of the Catacombs

    1: Head down the hall to...another hex-hole! *Groan...*
    
    2: Now consult your *Subscreen* and use the crank. Watch the non-skippable
cutscene. Repeat the last two steps twice. Then leave the subscreen. Now you
will dance for me.

    3: Before you do, however, take note of the giant boulder that's rolling
toward you, Indy! Duck into the alcove next to the hex-hole that's just been
revealed and the boulder will bound off harmelssly in another non-skippable
cutscene.

    4: Since you're in this alcove anyway, why not head into the door here?
    
Room 409 - Catacomb Statue Palace

    + Anyone that can logically explain what a statue puzzle is doing in a
section of the catacombs that's been closed off for years (before the boulder
hit the wall back there) previously gets a gold star.

    1: OK, another game-stretcher to drop in the bucket...give the statue five
pushes down away from the statue wall to place it in front of the differently
colored wall.

    2: Next, move over to the hex-hole, utilize your *Subscreen* and Use the
hex-crank for the final time (Yay!) Watch the statue get pushed to the left a
skotch.

    3: Push the statue towards the statue wall three times so it lines up with
the circle on the floor, then move opposite the circle and push the statue
towards the circle thrice. The circle should move the statue (and probably you)
around 90 degrees.

    4: Now push the statue off the circle in the same direction twice, and then
get on the other side of the statue and push it towards the circle twice again,
causing it to spin around, right round, like a record baby, right right round
round.

    5: Now push it the direction you were just pushing it three times, and push
it towards the statue wall until it slides into place. Now the wall will upon up
and you'll get...the Cylinder!

    (Item) - Cylinder
    
    6: Amskray!
    
Room 408 - Son of the Catacombs

    1: Turn right and head down the hall to the exit.
    
Room 407 - Revenge of the Catacombs

    1: Steel yourself to entering the Spider Alcove again, because you've still
got two or three of your little friends in there.

Room 406 - Spider Alcove

    1: Make a beeline for the exit on the other side.

Room 405 - Catacombs Part Ducks

    1: Down the hall again, heading out the exit in the alcove to your left.
    
Room 401 - Catacomb Entrance

    1: All right, almost done. Time for a quick stopover in your item box...dump
the knife, the crank, the Shotgun and Shells, and pick up some ammo for your
Grenade Launcher if you're out - I mean completely out. One round will do.
That's right, you've just gone up a caliber again. 

    2: After all that, make your way to the door near the ladder at the other
end of the hall.

Room 402 - Catacombs

    1: Well, the hunters that pestered you before are worm food now, so make
your way left and down the hallway.

Room 403 - Catacomb Elevator Shaft B1

    1: OK, time to get this elevator working again. Head straight ahead to the
machines at the end of the hall, and press A to Examine and lift the lid of the
machine to uncover the...

    (Item) - Shaft
    
    2: Consult your *Subscreen* again, and combine the Shaft and Cylinder - Jam
this apparatus back into the machine.
    
    -Discard- Cylinder
    -Discard- Shaft
    (Item) - Cylinder Shaft
    -Discard- Cylinder Shaft
    
    3: OK, why did I write all that down? Anyhow, you'll get another little
light puzzle. You've got to put in 4,2,3,1, so tap left-A, right-A, right
twice-A, and A to make your decisions optimally. (Yes, that will save you a
whole tenth of a second! Whoo!)

    4: Now that the elevator has come up, hit the panel on it to decend.
    
    * And skip the next scene. Barry! What a surprise! How're the wife and kids?
Me? Oh, well, I saw this one hunk making eyes at me, but I had to drop him when
he tried to french me...

Room 410 - Catacomb Elevator Shaft B2

    * Decend into a skippable cutscene. "Jill, could you check out that omnious
noise, drop whatever's in there, destroy the mansion, and fill out all the
paperwork at one-fourth my salary?"

    1: Resist the urge to train your Grenade Launcher on Barry and head straight
ahead to the door making all that noise.

Room 411 - Bride of the Son of the Revenge of the Catacombs, Part II

    1: Head through three screens of tunnel before you spy that old woman that
wants to make you tea on your left. 'Thanks, but I'm in a bit of a hurry right
now', thinks Jill, so you run the other direction down a couple more screens of
tunnel and down the stairs. There are a red and a green herb here witch you have
ample time to pick up before she beans you with her shackle for your foul mouth,
so ensnare them, then turn right and slide out the door a couple screens down.

    (Item) - Red Herb
    (Item) - Green Herb
    
Room 412 - Catacomb Loading Dock

    1: Notice the sparklies on the crates, and then do nothing about them. Your
mission, should you choose to accept it, is to push the crate once to the left
and eight times up the screen so that it sits on the loading elevator and then
activate the switch that will make the elevator go. This message will make your
computer self-destruct in five seconds (which, if you're using Windows, is three
seconds more than you usually get.) Good Luck, Jim.

    2: Film yourself lighting a match and setting it to a fuse (or scratching
your head if you didn't get the last two references), switch directions and
leave.

Room 411 - Bride of the Son of the Revenge of the Catacombs, Part II

    1: The old crone wants you to sample her chocolate chip cookies, and she
won't take no for an answer! Head down one direction in the fork in the road. If
you don't see her, keep going, but if you do, turn tail and take the other fork.
As fifty-four other FAQ's have emphatically stated, don't bother firing on her!

    2: Anyhow, make your way around the circle (check the map - don't go into
the long hallway with the locked door, yet) and head back to the elevator and
Barry.

Room 410 - Catacomb Elevator Shaft B2

    1: Take one step forward and...
    
    * Barry! No! This is no time to have to use the can, Barry! That's it, I'm
skipping your stupid cutscene, Barry!
    
    2: Sigh, then turn left and run down a loooong bridge and decend the ladder.
Remember that lift you activated that you had the crate pushed onto? Well, the
crate's back for more pushing pleasure! Push it forward to the end of the hall,
then get 90 degrees to the left of the crate and push it into the trash
compactor. Activate the compactor. Here's what I think of your stupid crate
puzzles, interactive entertainment industry!

    3: Ooh, a sparkly! Pick up the now broken flamethrower. Geez, it's a miracle
that compressing it didn't cause a huge gas leak and subsequent explosion. Maybe
you should've given your friend Gordon Freeman a call so he could smash the
crate with his crowbar leaving the contents unharmed. Oh well, c'est la vie.

    (Item) - Broken Flamethrower
    
    4: Add this to the number of rooms you're officially done with and make your
way up the ladder, past the loooonnnnggg bridge, and out of the door on your
right at the end of the hall.

Room 411 - Bride of the Son of the Revenge of the Catacombs, Part II

    1: Madame Trevor wants you to take home some zucchini loaf, she's had so
much this year! But, no, we have more pressing things to attend to (plus
zucchini loaf takes up two item slots). Head through three screens and then turn
left...you should see Miss Trevor approaching. Now, turn around and go down the
opposite direction's fork in the road, and through two screens. Right about now,
you should see a lever.

    2: Pull the lever, and some hooks will pop out near that door in the
dead-end hallway. Mosey on over there by continuing on the path straight ahead,
and face the hooks.

    3: *Subscreen* time! Get your flamethrowers out, grab a stick of juicy
fruit. Erm, I mean, Use the flamethrower. Hooks go down, door unlocks, interest
rates go up, and Jill goes out the door.

Room 412 - Lisa's Hideaway

    1: Wow, it appears that Lisa subscribes to Time-Life's doll-of-the-month
club. Anyway, make your way down the hall and into the sewer pipes, and out the
other side in a run. (Jill must be a marathoner.)

    + It's worth noting a little point here about fear and subtlety. Now, I've
played through all the major Resident Evils (read: 1, 2, 3, and CV, not Gun
Survivor) a couple of times, and I've been scared for a second at a few points
during the first play of all four. After a while though, you know exactly when
to expect the dogs bursting in the window, the zombies bursting through the
door, and it becomes more amusing than scary. But the thing that scares me the
most, and still scares me every time I get here, is right here in this part, the
most subtle thing of all. When you enter the sewer pipe, there's a snake in the
water. And as you run, it can keep up with you, whereas most snakes can't. Never
once has the snake damaged me, never once has it even gotten within six feet of
me. But that one moment of the game still manages to get me every time. So,
bravo, Capcom. I have no idea if this was carefully thought out or if this was
just a throwaway scare thrown in between rendering frames 536 and 537 of the
Tyrant movie, but Capcom officially accomplished their objective of scaring me.
Well played.

    2: Right, that congratulatory rant tacked on another minute to your speed
run, so get cracking here. Snatch up the Jewelry Box on the dresser (unlike
some, this doesn't require some arcane form of puzzlery to open) and run up the
ladder. How's the health? If Fine, turn left, if not, then there's a Blue and
Green herb to remedy your maladies on the right side of the hall. Make your
choice, but then head down the left fork of the hall. And up the longest ladder
I've seen yet.

Room 304 - Cabin

    1: Aha! We've come full circle, come back from whence we've came, done a
Mobius trip on our Mobius Strip, and have otherwise been here before. Head
forward to the Item Box...and remove the Emblem, the two Last Books, and a
healing item should you not have one.

    2: Time to mess around in our *Subscreen* wth the gear. First, Examine the
Jewelry Box and open it up to get a Stone Ring. How else could two months'
salary last forever? Combine it with your Emblem for something vaguely familiar.
Next, Examine both books. Rotate around to the pages of both of them, and tap A
on both to reveal medals on both! Congratulate Jill on becoming a Gold and
Silver Medalist in the 5K Item Run and leave your Subscreen.

    3: Head around the snake-like passages of the cabin and you're outta there.
    
Room 303 - Cabin Path

    1: That zombie that uselessly stood there the first time is still there, so
bob and weave around him again as you make your way back to the mansion.

Room 302 - Courtyard Graveyard

    1: Ah, the scarecrows that I put up have done their job...no more crows!
Wait a minute, I didn't up scarecrows! What the...yeeaaaagggggrrhhh!

    2: Yeah, right. By now you're slalom-ing around these Zombies like a Winter
Olympian on the downhill. (Time for something a little sad...name one Winter
Olympian from the 1998 games. Yeah, I come up blank too. Poor paragons of
fitness. Well, maybe not the curling guys.) Head on out the gates.

Room 301 - Courtyard Path

    1: Still nothing threatening here, so head on back up the path.

Room 300 - Storage Shed

    1: Take one good long look at this place, because you'll never see it again.
Ahhhh...OK, it's been a good four nanoseconds, head out straight ahead.

Room 118 - Covered Atmospheric Hallway

    1: Well, since we're never coming back here again, there's really no use in
keeping it open for those zombies, is there? Take the crest out of the orifice
you jammed it in earlier (no, not that one, the one that's next to the door!)
and listen to that door relock. Zoom to the end of the hall and out the door.

    (Item) - Stone & Metal Object

Room 116 - Fancy Hallway

    1: You've skipped his cutscene and you shot him, now this Hunter's downright
mad. Use one grenade launcher round and give him a time-out. Give him a little
time to think about calming down and head straight ahead and out the door.

Room 117 - Hall of Paintings

    1: Oh, it's so prestigious here...like the Louvre, which houses the
incredibly small Mona Lisa. (Your culture factoid for the day...the Mona Lisa is
much smaller than many people think it is...it's about 8 x 10 inches. It is a
portrait, not a landscape, after all. It's also behind several inches of
bulletproof glass, as a security measure, since it was stolen in the early 20th
century. Finally, there's a huge controversy about cleaning it. If you've seen
pictures, it looks kinda brown. Well, it was originally a blue sky...that's just
all the dirt that clung to it over 500 or so odd years. Every year The Mona Lisa
is given a restoration to the brown it was in the 1950's, but the museum owners
refuse to restore it to its original colors. After all, people grew up with the
Mona Lisa being a dingy brownish hue! And that's it for today.)

    2: Very touching and moving. (Well, at least I didn't tell you how to make
Tamale Pie. That'll be for the Chris Walkthrough.) If you haven't run all the
way to the end already and are in the next room while I was yammering on and on,
then this guide really can't help you too much.

Room 105 - Graveyard

    1: Here you can see the headstone of...oh, all right, I'll stop. Head up the
stone staircase and back into the house.

Room 101 - Main Hall

    1: Remember when I said that you unlocked every door in the Main Hall? Well,
I kinda lied there. Well, not really lied, but forgot about one. Head under the
staircase and examine the wrought-iron gate in the center...

    * And enjoy the non-skippable, yet familiar cutscene. Wonder what's on the
other side, indeed.

    2: Enter your *Subscreen* and Use both of your Stone and Metal Objects. Now,
you'll be afforded the opportunity to open the door. Go on ahead.

    -Discard- Stone & Metal Object (x2)

Room 500 - In No Way Ominious and Foreboding Hallway - Save Point

    1: What do you know...a save room! Personally, if I save anywhere, it's
here. If you can't be bothered with saving, then make your way down the stairs
and through the long hall to its end.

Room 501 - Altar

    + Yes, this is a room decidated to the world's first working computer
available to the general public, the Altair. No...wait...

    1: Observe the votive candles (Huh, power must have gone out) and decend the
ladder straight ahead...

    * And into some hot, hot, cutscene action. It's worth watching Jill
extremely sweetly disarm Barry if you're not playing for speed, but if you are,
tap A to pass over this scene.

    * And now a decision. If you go by what's on the screen, Jill has disarmed
Barry by doing nothing but looking at his butt. Must be some kind of Jedi
Disarm. Well, we really can't trust Barry too much, so say "No" when prompted to
give him back his sidearm.

    * Yet another skippable cutscene...don't worry about Barry, he'll be fine!
Remember, if it's not death onscreen, it's not death!

    2: Now to deal with Lisa Marie here. She needs some help moving out of her
old place (it looks roomy, but there's deceptively little floor space) and into
her new flat five stories down. Help her by pushing her prized rock collection
downstairs, all four of them. Be aware that Lisa will try to help you move, but,
well, she's a little out of it and she'll just get in the way and may hurt you
with her wrist shackle. So it's better to do all the heavy lifting yourself and
keep your distance from her.

    * After you're done helping Lisa move, the porticullis will open up as well
as a coffin. In a non-skippable cutscene that makes nearly every cell of my
being say "Ick! No!", Lisa picks up her mom's skull and jumps down the pit.

    3: OK, now we're all done with that. Waste not, want not is the keyword
here, so pick up the .44 that Barry dropped.

    (Item) - Barry's .44 Magnum

    4: Now head out into the fountain area. Use your Eagle and Wolf medals on
the indentations here, arm the .44 Magnum, shout out a one-liner, and then...

    -Discard- Medal of Wolf
    -Discard- Medal of Eagle

    * The fountain will skippably drain to reveal a staircase.

    5: Head down the staircase and into the elevator.

    + Now it's time for a disc swap! As soon as the screen starts turning gray,
get Disc 2 in your left hand (it should probably be set on top of the 'Cube
while playing Disc 1 - face up, we don't want any nasty scratches...) and open
the 'Cube with your right hand. Then use your right index finger to press down
on the spindle and spear Disc 1 while moving Disc 2 into position. Clear the
door area and close the door. You now have about a ten-second break while the
second disc loads and the elevator opens to get a glass of water or in case
you've really, utterly, got to go. Don't die like Tycho Brahe did!

Room 502 - (Dexter's) Laboratory B1

    1: It's all downhill from here now...make your way to the ladder, passing by
the door that will only open in first class emergency. I guess Umbrella can
handle coach and business class emergencies.

Room 503 - Lab Storage B2 - Save Point

    1: Go straight on through and pay the RE sundries no mind.

Room 504 - Lab Passageway B2

    1: OK, there are some Zombies here, and you've got the ultimate weapon in
your hands. Don't use it! Just move around the zombies on the walkway quickly,
and then make your way downstairs. There's a zombie on the stairs, but his vomit
attack should be absolute cake to dodge by now.

Room 505 - Lab Passageway B3

    1: OK, this part will be very satisfying and very important...turn right,
train your sights on the zombie in this section of hallway, and use your Magnum
to burst his head like an overripe cantalope falling out of a fruit truck.
You'll need this guy dead, and I mean daaaa-iiiaaadd for what happens later.

    2: Now that that's done, head straight ahead and turn left at the end of the
hall, through the nearby double doors.

Room 506 - Lab Computer Room B3

    1: There are some Magnum Rounds in here, but don't bother with
them...they're the wrong caliber! (.357 rounds for a .44!) Not since the Square
CO2 filter into the Round CO2 hole scene in Apollo 13 has there been such a
horrific logistical quandry. (Another didjaknow...that scene was the inspiration
for Cathy Rogers to create the Scrap Heap Challenge/Junkward Wars show!)

    2: Instead, make your way over to the computer for a quick game of
Minesweeper. Hmmm...we need to get in. Let's see...one of those zombies had
"John" on his coveralls, so that'll be the name *tap tap tap tap return*
and...password...how about his favorite programming language: "Ada"? *tap tap
tap return* Hey! It worked! OK, time to unlock some doors. Since you're on the
3rd floor basement, try unlocking that door...OK, good, now the 2nd floor
basement door. Uh oh, a password! Let's see...this house is like a prison, so
how about a prison's room's name: "Cell"? *tap tap tap tap return* Wow, whaddaya
know, it worked! Hmmm...but there's no Minesweeper on here, so I better
Quit...and confirm...Yes.

    3: After experiencing the joy of being a l33T H4x0r, head out of the room,
y0rU l33Tn3s5!@@@!!!11!!!1111

Room 505 - Lab Passageway B3

    1: Since you whacked the zombie in the hallway to the right, there's nothing
stopping you running back up the stairs to the second floor.

Room 504 - Lab Passageway B2

    1: Once again, there's a zombie on the stairs who will attempt to projectile
vomit on your shoes, so just pass him by, turn left, and go through the hallway
straight ahead, into the now unlocked door. (If you have any defense items left,
this is the perfect time to use them on approaching zombies. Hold your Magnum
fire, though.)

Room 507 - Lab Boardroom

    1: No time to watch the rather incriminating slideshow now, we've got work
to do! Face the password terminal and punch in "8 4 6 2". Then observe the
secret door lift up (lift up? What's wrong with secret doors that actually open
outward and stuff?), snatch up the Power Room Key and get out.

    (Item) - Power Room Key

Room 506 - Lab Passageway B2

    1: Those ruddy zombies again! Use whatever defense items you have left to
get rid of these clowns and make your way down the stairs.

Room 505 - Lab Passageway B3 (or not B3? That's the question.)

    1: Pull a hard right, then another hard right at the end of the hall, using
your Power Room Key on the double doors.

Room 508 - Power Room Passageway

    1: Now run down the hall and turn right at the end, and spy another zombie
down a few stairs. Auger around him and enter the double doors he guards.

Room 509 - Power Room Catwalks

    1: Turn right here, and run smack into one of the more weird, frightening
enemies in the game...the spidery upright fast thing. Send him back to his maker
with one wrist-breaking Magnum round.

    2: Notice the fuel unit at the end of the hall. Examine it and endure the
painfully long Warning witch will come into play real soon, and pick up the
Capsule when it prompts you to.

    (Item) - Empty Fuel Capsule

    3: About face and leave the way you came.

Room 508 - Power Room Passageway

    1: The zombie I told you to dodge before is now on your level, so get him in
your sights and tear him a new word hole.

    2: Run down the hallway and turn left when presented with a fork to the end
of the hall.

Room 505 - Lab Passageway B3

    1: Turn right and run down this hall, then turn left at the fork and into
the double doors at the end of the hall.

Room 510 - Prison Passageway

    1: There must be something insdescribly awful confined behind that
triple-locked door! We won't let it out then. Head into the door on your right.

Room 511 - Refueling Room

    1: Someone get some pants on that zombie! Use your Magnum to tell him what
you think about his nudity.

    2: Now here comes the most frustrating part of the speed run. Open the door
to the Fuel Refueler, and when prompted, put in the Empty capsule. The refueler
will then give you the highly explosive, very unstable fuel for the power room!

    -Discard- Empty Fuel Capsule
    (Item) - Fuel Capsule
    
    3: Now, listen very carefully. Walk, do not run, to the Power Room Catwalks
where the fuel unit was. Also, do not get hit, and do not fire your weapon.
Otherwise, you'll get a rather nasty surprise.

Room 510 - Prison Passageway

    1: Walk very carefully back to the double doors...
    
Room 505 - Lab Passageway B3

    1: ...and continue walking straight forward (See why that zombie had to
die?), and turn right until you reach the power room doors.

Room 508 - Power Room Passageway

    1: Now walk carefully forward and turn right, then go down the stairs and
into...

Room 509 - Power Room Catwalks

    1: Turn right and walk down the hallway to the fuel unit. Don't consult your
subscreen here, just examine the unit and you'll be prompted to put the Fuel
Capsule into place. Thank heavens.

    -Discard- Fuel Capsule

    2: Now that that's overwith, run back down the hall and pull a hairpin turn
down the hallway, to the hallway on the other end of the room. Run all the way
down, stopping when you run out of hall and into a door. Pay no mind to the
ventalation system failing here...it's just the maintenence men.

Room 510 - Power Room Dogwalks

    1: Now run down this hall taking the first fork to your right, and keep
going down that hall until the door on the end. Don't stop to pick up the
Battery Pack! If you're in a dead run the whole time, no one will touch you.

Room 511 - Power Room Proper

    1: OK, turn left and run around the consoles in the middle. On the opposite
side of where you came in, there's a control panel you need to examine. Give
power to the elevator (*KA-CHUNK!*) and leave the area by going around the
consoles in the other direction, leaving you without a scratch.

Room 510 - Power Room Dogwalks

    1: Same basic idea as last time...RUN, JILL, RUN!
    
Room 509 - Power Room Catwalks

    1: Running again! Jill must has orthopedic gel inserts in her shoes.
    
Room 508 - Power Room Passageway

    1: Run straight forward and into the arms of another zombie. Tell him to
back off the gunpowder way and head right at the end of the hallway to the
elevator. Use the control panel to the right of it to start that sucker up, and
then tap A when facing the elevator to enter it.

    * Enjoy the non-skippable cutscene of Jill entering the Tyrant's lair. Is
this pre-rendered or realtime?

Room 512 - Lab Passageway B4

    1: No elaborate cutscenes here, head down the hall to...

Room 513 - Labratory Proper

    * Skip the cutscene featuring everyone's favorite feminist, Wesker.
Incedentally, it needs a little more stitching together in the attack scene.
Punch, load, elbow, load...oh well.

    * As well as the Tyrant FMV...
    
    * And the cutscene after that.

    2: All right, it's just you and him. Raise your Magnum and drop him! Yes,
that's it. Just one shell. Really. Huh. 

    + Continutity check here. Remember the fourth or so cutscene, Barry vs. the
Zombie? It took him three .44 rounds to drop him, and he didn't even die then!
But the pennacle of Umbrella research goes down with one round! So, either Barry
is crap (probable), the Tyrant is crap (improbable), or...that's Super Zombie!

    3: Well, there's still a little to do here. Make your way to the consoles on
the opposite end of the room where you came in and release the door lock, then
head over to your former boss and pick up the Master Key.

    (Item) - Master Key
    
    4: That's it, off with you.
    
Room 512 - Lab Passageway B4

    1: *bsst!* *bsst!* The self destruct system...isn't working, so head back up
the elevator.

Room 508 - Power Room Passageway

    1: Turn left and head down the fork in the hall to your right...you'll
running to daylight now!

Room 505 - Lab Passageway B3

    1: Turn right and then take the left hallway, and through the double gates.

Room 504 - Lab Passageway B2

    1: If your Grenade Launcher's still loaded, arm it and smoke these rather
annoying Zombies. Make your way up the stairs, then pull a hairpin and go down
that hallway.

Room 503 - Lab Storage B2

    1: Straight up the ladder here...
    
Room 502 - Laboratory B1

    1: And use the Master Key on the 1st class Emergency door.

Room 514 - Final Hallway (Yay!)

    1: Run all the way down the hall...
    
    * ...skipping Brad's banter about how he has to get to the airport in an
hour...he's got non-refundable tickets to Cancun to use!
    
    2: ...then stopping only to pick up the fuse unit which has somehow fallen
out of the fusebox ten feet away from where you need to put it in.

    (Item) - Fuse Unit
    -Discard- Fuse Unit
    
    * Enjoy the unskippable cutscene of the sun shining on Jill as she makes her
way up the elevator.

Room 515 - Heliport

    1: Grab the Signal Rockets...
    
    2: and hit your *subscreen* to use them.
    
    * Skip watching Jill send one up...
    
    * And Brad landing...
    
    * And lifting off...
    
    * And the Credits.
    
The End - The only end, my friend

    And then I heard him say "Jill, you've done a fine job."/ What a good zombie
hunter you be / Get some rest because you'll be back in / R.E. three. / Do do do
do do do! Do do do do do do! Jill...wears a braided chain / made of finest
silver from the north of Spain...

    Top Time: 2:28:50
    Secrets Earned: Infinite Rocket Launcher

    Closing Comments: Well, what did you expect? I couldn't look up any speed
guides on the Internet yet! However, with the many, many, many mistakes I made
for the tape, and the fact that I only had a vague idea of what I should be
doing, I fully expect that it should take less than two hours to finish the
quest.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part III: Chris Redfield
    "Chris, as one of my best men, I want you to handle this."
        - Albert Wesker, Resident Evil: Code Veronica X
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Chris Redfield, the following are true:
    * Your inventory contains six item slots.
    * You are generally faster and more effective in combat than Jill is.
    * Your partner is Rebecca Chambers, who can heal you.
    * You begin with the Lighter, which doesn't use an item slot.
    * You have access to the Flamethrower.
    * To open several doors in the mansion, you need 'Old Keys'.

Watch this space for my Chris Redfield Speed Guide. Or rather, keep reloading
the page while watching this space. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part IV: Miscellany
    "...all that changed about three seconds into the game when I saw something
so shocking, so indescribably frightening that... I... I... words just can't
****ing describe the sheer terror I felt. I dropped the controller and attempted
to gouge my eyes out with a wire hanger, and then, with my other trembling hand,
picked up a rusty kitchen knife and carved a crucifix into my forehead, utterly
convinced that what I had just seen could only be the work of Satan himself.
Finally, however, the Capcom logo disappeared and I was able to regain enough
mental composure and start playing the game. Then the real horror began..."
        - "Jed", somethingawful.com's Resident Evil 3 Review
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once again, stubbornness has triumphed over common sense and you've read all the
way to the end of the guide! Time for just about everything that doesn't fit the
outline.

While I don't want you to finish the guide by sending me tips for the rest of
Jill's walkthrough, or Chris's walkthrough (well, yet anyway...I'm getting to
it, trust me!) I would appreciate any help to shave precious seconds off of the
first half of the game, before you leave the mansion for good (well, basically).
So send those, along with praise and adulation to:

quizmaster (at) zianet.com

As well, please put "Resident Evil Speed Guide", or something similar at the
subject line, because if you send a tip with the subject "Improve your Home
Mortgage!" I'll probably throw it away.

On that note: if your name is Jaron Paige, I have a poem for you: 
    Your joke is awful,
    your joke is a bore.
    Your joke has no life,
    it is dead on the floor.
    Your joke is so yucky,
    it's starting to smell.
    (Besides,
    it's the one I was going to tell.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Death Words:
    Be careful - every time somebody utters these words, the person that they're
talking to dies horribly. And those words are..."Hang in there." Doubtful?
Observe:

    RE1: Jill Valentine or Rebecca Chambers tell Richard Aiken to "hang in
there" after they apply the serum. Richard promptly gets eaten by either a snake
or a shark, respectively.

    RE2: Claire Redfield or Leon Kennedy tell Marvin Brannagh (the cop at the
the start of the game that gives you a keycard) to "hang in there". Marvin
succumbs to the T-virus and becomes a Zombie, causing either character to kill
him.

    RE3: Ten seconds after finding Brad 'Chickenheart' Vickers alive in Raccoon
City, Jill Valentine tells him to "hang in there". (She must still be holding a
grudge about that whole running away three minutes into the mission thing.) Brad
then is locked in a stranglehold by Nemesis and gets a tentacle thrust clean
through his forehead.

    RECV: Steve Burnside lycanthropyses into a hideous monster and meets his end
smacking a giant tentacle to keep it off of Claire Redfield. As he dies in
Claire's arms, Claire tells him to "hang in there". Steve gives Claire the evil
eye. And dies.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The making of this guide:
    For the most part, I simply recorded myself playing through the game, and
then watched the tape after I was finished. However, I made quite a few
optimizations. If you watch the tape, you'll see several instances of me running
headlong into walls, failing to dodge, walking halfway down the hallway and
turning around and leaving through the same door I came in, and finally,
FORGETTING TO PICK UP THE GRENADE LAUNCHER. Hoo boy. Now you know how I got so
good with the handgun. (Well, aside from Vincent's Handgun Guide.)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sexiest Men and Women in the known universe (i.e. - Contributors)

    No one's contributed so far, since this is the first online revision, but
I'd like to take this opportunity to give a shout-out to Vincent Merken, author
of the funniest and most challenging Speed Guides there are for the entire
survival horror genre. If this guide becomes half as good as his guides
are...well, it'll still be pretty good.

    You can read his work at:
        http://gamefaqs.com/features/recognition/1596.html

    And of course, I'd like to thank you all for bearing with me and hope that
even if this FAQ taught you nothing, it at least put a smile on your face. So,
thank you. No, not you, you. Yes, you. Thanks.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Legal Information:

This guide is (c) Copyright 2002 T.C. Chavez (alias Quizmaster v.4.0)

Resident Evil is (c) Copyright 1996-2002 Capcom.

T.C. Chavez has no affiliation with Capcom.

Any other copyrighted terms are (c) Copyright their respective owners.

Guide not meant to be taken internally.

Void where prohibited. Void where void. Void to the Dallas Cowboys. Void to
George Latzenby. Void to anyone that called G.I. Joe a doll instead of an action
figure. Void to the couple that hangs out at the coffee shop in excess of 20
hours a week. Void to Branson, Missouri. Void to whoever took the last piece of
pizza. Void if you do not find glasses sexy. Void to basic cable subscribers.
Void to anyone what reads this message.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you like this FAQ? You may also enjoy:

    The Perfect Dark Munitions Guide: Learn which end to point towards enemy!
    The Pokemon Puzzle League FAQ: Marvel at descriptions of Combos and Chains!
    The Paper Mario FAQ: Read a half-finished enemy description guide!
    The Dance ManiaX FAQ: My Magnum Opus on a real fun dancing game!
    
    All by me, and all at www.GameFAQs.com!
    
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Version History:
    Version 0.1 - Original Release. Jill Walkthrough up to Storage Shed.
        5/8/2k2
    Version 0.2 - Jill Walkthrough past the Dormitory.
        5/8/2k2
    Version 0.3 - Jill Walkthrough past the Return to the Mansion.
        5/9/2k2
    Version 0.4 - Jill Walkthrough complete!
        5/12/2k2

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Coming soon to an FAQ near you:
    x The rest of Jill's walkthrough!
    _ Chris's Walkthrough!
    _ More self-serving sarcastic banter!
    
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Parting Shot:
    "If something should happen to me, all the world's women will greive!"
        - Edgar Rene Figaro, Final Fantasy VI