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    Zelda Series Character Guide by Canadian Dude

    Version: 1.4 | Updated: 07/27/12 | Search Guide | Bookmark Guide

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                                ZELDA SERIES CHARACTER GUIDE
    by Jacob Rothenburger
    Introduction               [INT]
    Version History            [VER]
    Zelda Series Overview      [SUM]
    The Meat of the Guide      [MEA]
    Races Compendium           [RAC]
    Ladies’ Man                [LAD]
    Thanks                     [THA]
    Legal Garbage              [LEG]
    Contact Information        [CON]
    In Closing                 [INC]
    Those numbers in [ ] are to allow you to quickly access the part of the guide
    you want to view. Use your Ctrl+F function (on John Hodgemans, I’m not sure
    what it is for Jason Longs) to jump to where you need to be. For example, if
    you wanted to see the Billy Bob section, whose code was [BIL], you would press
    Ctrl+F, then type in ‘[BIL]’, then click ‘Find Next’ twice. Boom! There you
    are! It saves on scrolling through the whole document to find what you need.
    The Legend of Zelda is my favourite video game series, bar none. I am a FAQs
    author. It follows that I would want to write a Legend of Zelda FAQs.
    Unfortunately for me, I’m far from the only one who subscribes to this way of
    thinking. Quite a few other people like Zelda, too. And I'm not up to doing a
    walkthrough. These two factors combined mean that any walkthrough I were to
    write just wouldn’t be able to compete.
    So in a way, I guess this guide is my way around that. Because I’m pro at NPCs.
    I actually consider myself a walking encyclopaedia of the Zelda universe – I’m
    a real ‘ask me anything’ kind of guy when we’re talking Zelda. That’s not
    arrogance, it’s just the truth. Well ok, it’s also arrogance.
    So, inspired by various other Nintendo-franchise character and ending guides
    (props to them), I composed this one. Snazzy, isn’t it? Of course, I’m not
    nearly as talented as some of those authors, but I hope you enjoy my work as
    much as I've enjoyed theirs. And when you're done, check out their stuff as
    The very first version of this guide contained 69 entries. Obviously, that is
    far, far fewer than the number of characters in the series. But most of them
    are just not important enough to merit lengthening the guide; if I actually
    went over every single one, we’d have a document 1,000 gigs long, and it would
    be mostly uninteresting and redundant.
    Speaking of redundancy, some characters have been culled to keep the thing from
    growing too long. But back to what I was saying, initially I viewed various
    resources to find lists of characters. Characters were considered for inclusion
    if they met one of the following criteria:
    (1) It played a significant role in the storyline of at least one Zelda game
    (2) It played multiple roles of moderate importance (storyline or otherwise)
    (3) It intrigues me personally
    This method held up very well for the first few versions, at which point I
    unconsciously changed the rule to 'any named character' (and with entries like
    Flute Boy’s, even that boundary is starting to fray). And if I didn’t happen to
    know what it was, it’s not in the guide. On top of that, my new method only
    applies to games from Twilight Princess onward (at which point I started
    playing new games consciously thinking about which characters would go in and
    what I might write about them while still playing through.)
    As you can see, the basis for selection is painfully arbitrary. If you take a
    look and you see that this guide lacks a character you believe should be
    included, please let me know.
    That about wraps it up. Onward, and enjoy.
    =~=Version History=~=
    :-Version 1.0 (11.13.06)-:
    The initial version of this guide; the state it was in when first posted on
    :-Version 1.1 (12.17.06)-:
    I’m never rushing another guide. Trying to get this one out left large gaps, an
    inability to edit for errors before posting and some entertaining but
    scandalous silliness, such as my having accidentally left the placeholder ‘DATE
    GOES HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’ for the date index for Version 1.0. So I’ve
    fixed most of those.
    -Created a few new character entries (Grog, Zephos and Cyclos, and some
    characters from Tingle RPG), edited some others and created a whole new
    section, the Races Compendium.
    -Some other information has been added as well, mostly little things.
    :-Version 1.2 (02.09.07)-:
    Finally added all the information for Twilight Princess, added some profiles I
    neglected to put in from before, and fixed some errors.
    :-Version 1.3 (05.03.10)—:
    Didn’t manage to get it out in time for Spirit Tracks, but everything’s in
    there now. Edited for accuracy and readability. Changed ‘Boss Bokoblin’ to
    ‘King Bulblin.’ Added information for Phantom Hourglass and some Mogitate
    Chinkuru characters; about freaking time. A ton more profiles from other games
    went in as well, including some I can’t believe I forgot.
    :-Version 1.4 (xx.yy.12)-:
    A few characters went in who should have already been there, but more
    significantly I've finally (finally!) added the information for Mogitate
    Chinkuru, Irodzuki Chinkuru and Skyward Sword. This is my biggest update yet.
    =~=Zelda Series Overview=~=
    Before we get to the character section itself, I thought I’d give you a brief
    look at the Zelda series as a whole. New players might have trouble keeping up,
    and returning ones might like a recap, so hopefully this section will help you
    avoid confusion. If you’re a seasoned Hyrulean veteran, you can feel free to
    skip right over this section, or read it for posterity. It’s probably worth a
    There are a couple of things to keep in mind here. Mainly, there is NO one
    definitive timeline for the Zelda series. Certainly, there was one published on
    zelda.com years back, in 2011 Aonuma's team released the completely nonsensical
    one they've been using internally, and you can devise innumerable fan timelines
    if you apply certain rules to the universe (Kirby021591’s is one of the best;
    check out any of his Zelda walkthroughs to find it), but really, it’s all
    guesswork. Aonuma Eiji, the dude currently in charge of the Zelda franchise,
    has stated he eventually intends to solidify the overarching story, but I’ll
    believe it when I see it. It’s probably most convenient to think of each game
    as self-contained, except in instances where the events of one game explicitly
    reference others (for example, Majora’s Mask is irrefutably a direct sequel to
    Ocarina of Time) to make a pair.
    I could say a lot more on the subject, but I’ll contain myself.
    The next issue is caused by the first. Many weapons, items and
    –characters-recur from one game to the next. Sometimes it’s possible they’re
    the same thing (for instance, How many Mirror Shields can there possibly be?
    one must ask oneself) whereas others are cosmetically different but
    functionally identical items, like certain bows. Others, like the Hookshot, may
    just be variations on the same design. It’s impossible to know.
    As for characters, many of them appear in multiple time periods. Some just live
    a really long time (Impa, the Great Deku Tree, Jr), some apparently time-travel
    (Tingle) and still others have no explanation for their presence (Beedle,
    Zill.) Oh yeah, and of course some have alternate-universe, ancient ancestor,
    or reincarnation versions.
    Sifting through endless layers of ambiguity is fun, no?
    The years of release are for the North American versions. Actually, I guess
    just about all the information in this guide comes from the North American
    versions, but anyway other regions may be different.
    The Legend of Zelda
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu
    Nintendo Entertainment System
    Released: 1986
    Since there’s no clear storyline, let’s look at them one-by-one, in the order
    that they emerged in the real world. That means we kick-start the section with
    the original Legend of Zelda. Being that it’s the first one in the series, it’s
    hard to write about, because if you look at it from an industry standpoint,
    everything’s an innovation, and if you look at it from a series standpoint,
    everything’s a franchise standard. But look! I just took up a whole paragraph
    talking about the paragraph itself! Well played, self. *congratulates self*
    I might as well say SOMETHING, though, so let’s do a brief overview. Ganon,
    evil pig lord and main villain of the series, possesses the Triforce of Power,
    and seeks to earn the Triforce of Wisdom as well. (No Triforce of Courage, that
    came later.) But it was Princess Zelda who had Wisdom, and when he tried to
    take it from her, she magically broke it into eight pieces and hid the shards
    in a collection of dangerous catacombs throughout Hyrule. On a chance
    encounter, Zelda’s handmaiden Impa apprised a lad named Link of the situation,
    and he took charge, recovered the pieces after many harrowing adventures, and
    finally gained the power to face Ganon head-on. In the process, he introduced
    many elements that would later become Zelda staples, like the acquisition of
    tools, inevitable confrontations with bosses and the magic number eight (in
    regards to the number of dungeons a game contains, plus the final level.)
    Hmm...on second thought, I guess that wasn’t so hard to write about, after all.
    Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Rinku no Bouken
    Nintendo Entertainment System
    Released: 1988
    Man, I hate this game so much. I finally got a copy almost four years ago, and
    I’m still stuck on the fourth level. (Edit: I did eventually beat it.) If I
    wanted Castlevania-style gameplay, I would play Castlevania. If you don’t know
    what I’m talking about, Zelda II is completely different from others in the
    series. Others have a top-down or 3D perspective, but Zelda II has a top-down
    overworld view, then switches to an action side-scroller for random battle and
    dungeon sequences. This is because it wasn’t an adventure game, but an
    action-RPG – and I myself was skilled in neither the action nor the RPG genre.
    For me, this game is frickin’ HARD (while I laughed out loud when I read that
    someone had tried over twenty times to beat Ganon in Ocarina of Time – I did it
    one try and only took about ten hearts of damage, and I know that’s a lot worse
    than some people. It all depends on your personal skills, eh?) But on the
    bright side, Zelda II (stupid, stupid title) introduced magic spells to Link’s
    arsenal, some of which are VERY cool, to say nothing of the exceptionally
    well-done finale.
    The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Kamigami no Toraifousu
    Super Nintendo Entertainment System
    Released: 1992
    Ha ha, get it? Get it?? A Link to the Past is the second of three Zelda games
    with irritating English titles. It was renamed because Triforce of the Gods
    sounded too religious. But let’s move on, before my trend of failing to talk
    about the game itself gets out of hand. Past is one of the games that many
    consider to be the best in the series. The pak made the important contribution
    of the Master Sword, which has stood long since – the first Zelda had a Magical
    Sword, but who knows what the story is there. Though not in terms of hours,
    it’s also the longest to date: There was an introductory dungeon, then a set of
    three, then a set of seven and THEN the final boss dungeon. But what really set
    it apart was its Light World/Dark World feature. You see, the Golden Land of
    the Triforce was originally a mirror image of Hyrule (the Light World), with
    minor differences. Ganon’s evil transformed it into the Dark World. You
    eventually gained the ability to travel between the two, and navigating the
    world suddenly became insanely fun. Use the Rooster to fly to Death
    Mountain...plumb the depths of the caves...come out on a ledge near a portal to
    the Dark World...jump down a ways...use the Magic Mirror to return to the Light
    World...then go left a ways and you’re there at last. True story.
    The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Yume wo Miru Shima
    Released: 1993
    Apparently as a result of player demand, the Big N finally cranked out some
    portable Moblin-bashing. By some interpretations, Link’s Awakening is a direct
    sequel to A Link to the Past. Either way, on a voyage to condition his body and
    mind in preparation for possible future catastrophes, Link is shipwrecked and
    wakes up on Koholint Island. I don’t know what a Koholint is, but the Japanese
    title seems to literally be ‘island that sees a dream,’ or Dreaming Island (I’m
    a learner of Japanese.) Anyway, Koholint Island is quite an interesting place,
    from the giant egg that sits on its tallest mountain to the village populated
    entirely by talking animals. Link quested to enter the egg with the eight
    Instruments of the Sirens, and find a way back home. I like this game a lot.
    The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Toki no Okarina
    Nintendo 64
    Released: 1998
    Probably the most popular Zelda title. I can see why, but...amazing graphics
    aren’t everything, guys. (And you young ones snickering at them? Shut up. They
    were stupendous at the time.) At any rate, the level design is more than
    competent and the mix of old and new is commendable. Ocarina of Time built on
    some of the core elements of A Link to the Past, including its 3/5 dungeon
    dichotomy, the method by which the Master Sword is gained, and the dual-world
    scheme – though in this case, it’s the present and future of the same world
    rather than two separate worlds, and your ability to switch between the two is
    severely limited. Anyway, a fine entry indeed.
    The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Majora no Kamen
    Nintendo 64
    Released: 2000
    Ocarina of Time was so well received, they decided to release a direct sequel
    to it, utilising the same engine and resources. To me, this makes Ocarina that
    much less special, but once I got into it (Majora’s Mask takes a while to get
    moving) I ended up liking it even better. This one is set in a parallel version
    of Hyrule, called Termina. They have a somewhat similar world. You’ll meet many
    of the same characters, this time with names, but Termina is more tribal than
    civic. Oh yeah, and the game’s main antagonist has set the moon on a collision
    course that will obliterate the planet, plus Hyrule. The three-day time limit
    can be reset again and again, but this also resets events – all you’ll keep is
    the items you’ve collected, which is enough. The jury’s out on this one; you’ll
    find the three-day system either brilliant, or annoying as hell.
    The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Fushigi no Ko no Mi Daichi no Shou
    Gameboy Colour
    Released: 2001
    During development, Oracle of Seasons and Ages were originally called ‘gaiden,’
    meaning side-stories. That’s not entirely inaccurate. You could even go as far
    as to say they were just to keep players going between console entries, but
    even if that’s true they are still excellent standalone adventures. Nut of the
    Mysterious Tree: Chapter of Earth is the easier and less interesting of the
    two. This one tracked Link as he used the Rod of Seasons, a magical device that
    he could use to change the seasons at will, to deny General Onox his dream of
    conquering Holodrum.
    The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Fushigi no Ko no Mi Jikuu no Shou
    Gameboy Colour
    Released: 2001
    Released concurrently with Oracle of Seasons, Nut of the Mysterious Tree:
    Chapter of Time and Space is more puzzle-oriented, and probably the superior
    game overall. We were a little squeamish when we found out that Zelda had been
    handed out to Capcom, but it all turned out all right. Link gained the Harp of
    Ages, another time-travelling instrument – as well as one that allowed another
    dual-world system, this one being the present and 400 years in the past. Link
    used it to fight the Sorceress Veran as she strove to conquer Labrynna. The
    biggest feature of the Oracle games was that when you completed one, you got a
    password. This password could be entered into the other game when you started a
    new file, allowing you to start off with the Wooden Sword (instead of looking
    for it) and an extra Heart Container. It also unlocked additional content and
    many special items unavailable the first time through.
    The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Yottsu no Tsurugi
    Gameboy Advance
    Released: 2002
    When A Link to the Past was re-released for GBA, it also included a small,
    multiplayer-only game on the same pak. It introduced a new villain, Vaati, and
    had the players attempt madcap challenges as they cooperated to complete a
    level, yet competed to collect the most Rupees. While it got even more fun as
    more players were added, most people who bought the re-release probably didn’t
    have the hardware needed for Four Swords.
    The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Kaze no Takuto
    Nintendo GameCube
    Released: 2003
    Despite its obvious flaws, The Wind Waker is my favourite Zelda game. Some
    people will blanch at that statement, but I love it, and I’m letting you know,
    even though you don’t need to. Although that name...Waker is not technically a
    word. (Neither is GameCube, of course...) Anyway, for some reason which I won’t
    spoil, the game does not take place in our usual Hyrule, but on the high seas.
    As a result, your adventure involves a fair bit of searching for sunken
    treasure, firing cannon and exploring small islands in a cel-shaded,
    superlively world that really irked a lot of people. But if you wanted realism,
    boy, did you ever pick the wrong series. Another area of complaint was that
    travelling across the ocean was too boring. I thought it was neat, myself.
    Fortunately this isn’t a critical review, or we’d be here forever as I argued
    my case.
    The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Yottsu no Tsurugi Purasu
    Nintendo GameCube
    Released: 2004
    Not only did Four Swords+ expand on the original and bring it to a console, it
    also offered the option of a single-player mode that didn’t require a GBA or
    the GCN-GBA cable. Pretty sweet. The story is quite similar, but the game is
    much, much, much longer, and will probably take about 20 hours to complete
    rather than an hour and a half. Each stage takes about twenty minutes, I’d say.
    There’s also a shallow yet intense battle mode.
    The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Fushigi no Boushi
    Gameboy Advance
    Released: 2005
    The title’s Mysterious Hat is Ezlo, who has a great plot that you can read
    about in the guide itself if you want it spoiled for you. When we meet him,
    Ezlo finds Link in the forest, latches onto his head just like a Metroid, and
    gives him access to yet another dual-world system. This time, our boy can go
    ‘twixt the Hylian-sized world and that of the inch-high Minish people. From
    this unique vantage point, Hyrule doubles in size as you explore huge dungeons
    stretching almost a metre in any direction. This innovative use of the
    diminutive form gets a thumbs-up from me, but like The Wind Waker, whose
    general style it follows, it is so short I have to wonder if development was
    Freshly-Picked! Tingle’s Rosy Rupee Land
    Japanese: Mogitate Chinkuru no Barairo Rupiirando
    Nintendo DS
    Released: 2006
    Personally I prefer the more literal translation of ‘rose-coloured’ over
    ‘rosy,’ but, even though they place a hyphen where there shouldn’t be one,
    we’ll go with what the PAL version says – for the rest of the guide I’ve been
    going NTSC, that being my region (points to own username), but we in NA never
    got a version to call our own, evidently due to a lack of demand. I finally
    found a copy while on exchange, though I used the PAL translation to write the
    appropriate profiles. The game is a fascinating departure from the mainline
    series, focussing on Tingle and the lunacy that tends to follow him around. The
    DS's various features are put to hitherto unseen uses that are, more
    importantly, both creative and fun, as Tingle scours the land for
    ever-increasing amounts of Rupees in order to pay the toll to enter the magical
    Rupee Land. The plot is surprisingly robust, and the boss battles are par
    The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Towairaito Purinsesu
    Nintendo GameCube/Wii
    Released: 2006
    This game broke ground in several ways: It was the first game to receive an
    ESRB evaluation more dangerous than E (it got a T rating), for example, and it
    was the first to be released on two consoles concurrently. I won’t get into all
    the reasons why the game irked me, because we’d be here for a year, but they
    are definitely there. Despite this, the game is still really good. It marks a
    return to the inexplicably popular 'realistic' style, a much darker tone, a
    heavier emphasis on storytelling, a Hyrule under siege by another plane of
    existence, and a cool new mechanic in the shape of Link’s ability to assume
    wolf form.
    Tingle’s Balloon Fight
    Japanese: Chinkuru no Baruun Faito
    Nintendo DS
    Released: 2007
    Club Nintendo is Nintendo of Japan’s consumer incentive programme, offering a
    certain number of ‘points’ with each purchase, which can then be redeemed for
    sweet merchandise. I guess it’s ok that they come up with really cool stuff to
    give out to dedicated customers as a little thank-you for their patronage, but
    it’s really hard to actually earn any kind of significant number of points, and
    they’re always coming out with wicked must-have items that nearly all of us can
    never have. And in particular, I’d vaguely feel like my Zelda collection was
    somehow incomplete without this little...thing...even though it’s pretty much
    just a retread of a mildly popular 80’s NES game with Tingle cast as the new
    main character. Luckily, I am armed with a fan’s grave dedication and an eBay
    account. It’s the second NTSC-J game to make its way into my hoard, being that
    it’s JP-only. The plastic it was wrapped in said 'SECOND SALE' on it, so I
    think its previous owner must himself have bought it at Book-Off or something.
    Oh, incidentally, let’s say a few words about the game itself. Fly around, pop
    balloons, send your opponent hurtling towards the ground to their death, strike
    globophobia into the hearts of your enemies.
    The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Mugen no Sunadokei
    Nintendo DS
    Released: 2007
    Series creator Miyamoto expressed a desire to create a fully touch-driven Zelda
    game, and he delivered. The system was certainly far from perfect; I think if
    the title had come farther along in the system’s life, once Nintendo had had
    more of a chance to test total touch control with other properties, it would
    have been a lot better. As it is, despite a few grating issues, the overall
    result is not bad at all. It’s kinda cool, moving Link around with the stylus,
    and some of his tools and weapons are implemented very cleverly. The game is
    ridiculously easy, though, and despite being a direct sequel to The Wind Waker,
    it draws next to no reference to that game, instead focussing on the
    shenanigans of Link and new companions Ciela and Linebeck as they search for
    truth and money, respectively. The titular object of significance holds the
    sand that slowly sifts away but allows Link to venture into the deep Temple of
    the Ocean King, the supposed ‘one big dungeon’ we’d heard so much about but
    turned out to be kind of unimpressive. Whatever; like Metroid II for GameBoy,
    it’s not a fantastic entry in the series, but is still one of the better games
    for the system.
    Link’s Crossbow Training
    Japanese: Rinku no Bougan Toreiningu
    Released: 2008
    Less a game and more a tech demo, Link’s Crossbow Training was packaged with
    the Wii Zapper peripheral to entice people to buy it. The boys and girls in
    Marketing were right about me wanting the game, but wrong about me being
    willing to shell out for a Zapper to get it...or so I thought! Tragically, my
    desire for a new copy eventually came to outweigh my patience. Since it’s a
    side-game, it’s fairly simplistic: In a world based on the Twilight Princess
    aesthetic (GameCube version), we help Link brush up on his skills with the ol’
    repeating crossbow, in various galleries and even some brief dungeons, where he
    must vanquish his enemies not through skilful swordsmanship, but by shooting
    them in the face. Going for all Platinum medals is really, really fun.
    The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Daichi no Kiteki
    Released: 2009
    I may have had my misgivings with Phantom Hourglass, but Train Whistle of the
    Earth addresses nearly all of them. What’s more, it’s quite simply just a much
    more well-rounded game. If uniqueness were quantifiable, which it grammatically
    isn’t, Spirit Tracks would be one of the most unique games in the series. Its
    central mechanic revolves around operating a steam engine, which is not only a
    huge jump in technology but something totally unlike anything we’ve ever done
    in a Zelda game before. I just hope this doesn’t mean we’re taking the
    FFVI-VIII route with the series...although I guess that could work out. Spirit
    Tracks may also connect the earlier games, storyline-wise, with the more
    ‘modern’ ones, as it concerns the fate of the country that the Link and Zelda
    of the Great Sea founded.
    Ripening Tingle’s Balloon Trip of Romantic Love
    Japanese: Irozuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Released: 2009
    If this game has any relation to the first Tingle-centric outing, it is perhaps
    a prequel. Whereas the last one had the whole RPG schwerve going, this one had
    the ‘old-school point-and-click adventure game’ formula that fans of the late
    90s are always complaining there aren’t enough of anymore. It’s a loose
    take-off of The Wizard of Oz, which really turns me off of it, but if it’s even
    tangentially Zelda you know I’m going to enjoy it on principle. This time we're
    on a road trip, making it, I guess, Zelda's answer to Grim Fandango; the 'love'
    of the title refers to Tingle's quest to get some, by giving the ladies in his
    life thousands' of Rupees worth of stupid trinkets. Study up. More
    interestingly, he is eventually accompanied by three companions, who provide
    both interesting dialogue and their personal skills and abilities.
    The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
    Japanese: Zeruda no Densetsu: Sukaiwaado Soudo
    Released: 2011
    The fascinating lovechild of The Wind Waker, Twilight Princess, Metroid Prime
    3: Corruption, and Super Mario Galaxy, the Zelda game with the most euphemistic
    title is also riddled with a host of technical issues and design choices that
    mar an otherwise happy adventure, delightful adventure. (And that's not just me
    complaining about Nintendo changing stuff. Some of the changes are actually
    just legitimately bad.) It makes up for it, though, with beautiful visuals and
    an engaging plot, focussing on how the Master Sword originally came to be.
    Although it completely contradicts everything we knew about Master Sword lore
    up to that point, it really is a fun story. Spoils are back, and adventuring is
    even less lonely than ever thanks to a spirit companion who, while kind of a
    moron, is well-intentioned and helpful. The most interesting development to the
    Zelda formula is in the structure: Getting there is now well over half the fun,
    with the preceding environments providing much of what we used to get from
    dungeons, while the dungeons themselves are now much shorter and sweeter. I
    have to say I'm curious to see what else Nintendo will try, and if it will
    continue with this adjusted ratio or if Skyward Sword will stand out as a
    one-time experiment.
    --A Note on Main Series versus Side Series--
    Here’s a mildly interesting story about how a minor FAQs-writing problem led me
    to an observation about Zelda games that will be interesting to only the
    hardest of hardcore fans, and maybe not even them, so you may want to skip this
    section altogether. I won’t be mad.
    The classification between main games and side games was nonexistent until
    Nintendo released a handful of the latter. Specifically, I’m talking about the
    Zapper game and Tingle’s three games. Two are gaiden (side stories), but the
    other two are plotless extras.
    This presented a problem that took me some time to figure out. Every character
    has a chronological list of all the games they’ve made an appearance in. I
    obviously can’t just ignore these games, but I really didn’t want to uglify the
    lists by shoving them in there haphazardly. It really didn’t feel right putting
    ‘Freshly Picked Tingle’s Rose-Coloured Rupeeland’ up next to the likes of
    ‘Twilight Princess.’
    I came up with the solution when the other two games came out. These three, I
    realise, don’t begin with the phrase ‘Zeruda no Densetsu.’ This strongly
    reminded me of the Kirby series, another Nintendo favourite. In Japan, the
    titles of all main-series Kirby games begin with ‘Hoshi no Kaabii,’ Kirby of
    the Stars. The ‘side games,’ ones that see Kirby playing puyo or engaging in
    competitive cartoon star-racing, don’t have the ‘Hoshi no Kaabii.’
    The rule doesn’t work perfectly with the English titles, but I figured out I
    could apply a similar rule to Zelda. Tingle’s game doesn’t start with ‘Zeruda
    no Densetsu.’ It’s not a main game; neither is its sequel, such as it is. The
    other two don’t even have plots. I now have grounds to remove them from the
    main list, and make a separate list. This serves the additional purpose of
    preserving certain claims of mine, such as that Princess Zelda has appeared in
    every Zelda game. Every LEGEND OF Zelda game.
    Wikipedia, separately, picked up on this too, and made the same classification.
    Great minds. For me, this was an interesting adventure in FAQs-writing, and a
    fascinating development in Zelda as a brand.
    =~=The Meat of the Guide=~=
    Okay, we’ve finally arrived! This is the reason you came here. Below is a list
    of every character profiled in this guide. There’s quite a few of them, eh?
    To jump to a specific character, use the Find function, and type the first
    three or so letters of their name with a space between them. So to find Mario’s
    entry (to be clear, Mario doesn’t actually have an entry, this is just an
    example), you would hit Ctrl+F, search for ‘M A R’, and click Find. Teleport!
    *Twilight Zone three-tone theme plays*
    Some characters share lots of letters with others, so you may need to do more
    than three, or maybe they use rare letters and a mere two will do the trick.
    Until I come up with a way to give characters a code that doesn’t have to be
    changed every time I add new entries, this is all I got for you. I apologize
    for the inconvenience.
    If you think there’s a notable absence, just search for the name normally and
    you may find that rather than take up space with their own gratuitous profile,
    a character has been incorporated into somebody else’s.
    By the way, need I actually say that this guide contains huge spoilers for
    basically every game in the series?
    Anju and Kafei
    Balloon Fighter
    Beaver Brothers
    Bertie and Luv
    Biggoron and Medigoron
    Bipin and Blossom
    Blade Brothers
    Blind the Thief
    Bosom Oak
    Bridge Worker
    Brocco and Pina
    Bombers Gang
    Bug-Catching Kid
    Captain Keeta
    Captain Stalfos
    Carlov and Borlov
    Cawlin and Strich
    Chancellor Cole
    Chef Bear
    Chris Houlihan
    Composer Brothers
    Crazy Tracy
    Cubus Sisters
    Cucco Lady
    Dan and Jon
    Dark Link
    David Jr.
    Dazzle Lyphos
    Deku Royal Family
    Demon Train
    Din, Nayru and Farore
    Doc Bandam
    Dokutaa Jii
    Don Gero
    Dr Bean
    First Mate
    Flute Boy
    Four Sisters and their Otentou
    Fyer and Falbi
    Gabora and Zubora
    General Onox
    Ghost Ringleader
    Golden Chief Cylos
    Good Bee
    Gorko the Goron
    Goron Elder
    Grand Fairy and her Retainers
    Great Deku Tree
    Great Fairy
    Gustaf, Royal Spirit
    Happy Mask Salesman
    Helmaroc King
    Hero’s Spirit
    Honey and Darling
    Hot Rodder Goron
    Igos du Ikana
    Instructor Horwell
    Instructor Owlan
    Iona Nattsubaiyaa
    Jalhalla, Protector of the Seal
    Jiichan and Baachan
    Kaepora Gaebora
    Kili, Hanna, and Misha
    Killer Bees
    King Bulblin
    King Moblin
    King Mutoh and his Knights
    King of Red Lions
    King Zora
    Know-it-All Brothers
    Koume and Kotake
    Koun Bouya
    Light Spirits
    Linebeck III
    Link’s relatives
    Madame Aroma
    Madame MeowMeow
    Madamu Yokuriiba
    Mad Batter
    Majora’s Mask
    Maku Trees
    Malon and Talon
    Mamamu Yan
    Mamba and the Yamatani King
    Man of Smiles
    Map Kid
    Maple and Syrup
    Master Eddo
    Master Stalfos
    Mayor Bo
    Mayor Dotour
    Mayor Hagen
    Mayor Plen
    Mayor Ruul
    Mila and Maggie
    Minister Potho
    Miss Marie
    Moonlight Merchant
    Mr Akindo
    Mr. Write
    Naked Salona
    Nimimamu Nimisutoppu
    Nyave and Nyeve
    Obli and Willi
    Ocean King (Oshus)
    Oinker Couple
    Oinker King
    Old Man and Old Woman
    Old Man Ho Ho
    Old Man Ulrira and Grandma Ulrira
    Old Wayfarer
    Ordon Village Kids
    Orielle (and Parrow)
    Peatrice and Peater
    Pergie and Jaggle
    Phantom Guide
    Pierre and Bonooru
    Port Town Adults
    Port Town Kids
    Professor Shikashi
    Queen Ambi
    Queen Bee
    Rabbit Rescuer
    Ricky, Moosh and Dimitri
    River Devil
    River Man
    Rosa Sisters
    Salvage Corp.
    Schule Donavitch
    Skull Kid and Friends
    Sorceress Veran
    Spirits of Good
    Spirits of Power, Wisdom, and Courage
    Sturgeon and Orca
    Teddy Todo
    Tetra’s Crew
    Three Dragons
    Tingle's Uncle
    Tomato Scarecrow
    Uncle Rupee
    Wheaton and Pita
    Wind Fish
    Yeto and Yeta
    Zephos and Cyclos
    ? ? ?
    The Hand that Rocks the Toilet
    Race: ???
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Ages
                 Skyward Sword
    Wow, what a way to start off the guide. So what we have here is...a hand, that
    appears out of the Stock Pot Inn’s toilet. But only at night. And whatever it’s
    attached to is never revealed, although personally I like to think it’s just a
    hand and no more. Or maybe there’s a Dead Hand skulking down there, man, I
    don’t know.
    In all three of its appearances, ??? requires some kind of paper from you.
    Yeah. This can be anything, from any any type of Title Deed to a note for Kafei
    from his mother. In the case of Oracle of Ages, Link offers up some
    Postman-brand Stationery. Here, though, ??? lives in a hole in a house in Lynna
    City, so it may not be a toilet. On the other hand (so to speak), he gives Link
    the Stink Bag in return. That was a little less welcome of a reward than the
    Heart Piece he’d previously rolled out. Oh and by the way, ??? is actually
    listed as such in the Bombers Notebook. I mean, I find it kind of interesting
    that he even HAS an entry in the Bombers Notebook.
    ??? also makes a reappearance out of absolutely nowhere, figuring into a
    Skyward Sword sidequest. Midway through the game, reports will surface of a
    woman wailing in the Academy dormitories at nighttime. As it turns out, what is
    thought to be a terrifying spectre is just ???, a disembodied female hand (...)
    in need of, as always, some paper. After Link discovers this, Cawlin gives him
    a Love Letter intended for Karane, his crush, in hopes that he'll deliver it
    for him. Link then has a choice: He can either deliver it as intended, in which
    case ??? will disappear, forlorn; or he can provide her with the paper she
    needs, at which point she will read the letter, think it's for her, and spend
    every night thereafter caressing Cawlin's ear in his sleep, to his obvious
    discomfort. As a reward for helping her find love, Link gets a bunch of five
    Gratitude Crystals.
    Come to think of it, this is probably one of the more mysterious characters in
    the Zelda universe. Wonderful.
    A g a h n i m
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
                 Link’s Awakening
                 Oracle of Seasons
    Shortly before the beginning of A Link to the Past, perhaps a year, an endless
    chain of catastrophic natural disasters befell Hyrule. Typhoons, earthquakes
    and floods wracked the land, causing massive collateral damage and killing many
    people. Their origin could not be discerned, and they were so large even the
    best magicians failed to end the threat. The King of Hyrule could only watch in
    despair as his kingdom was slowly worn down.
    Just when it seemed Hyrule was ready to give out, a wizard from a faraway land
    appeared and, with some effort, put a stop to everything that was happening. He
    was greeted as a hero and the King gratefully took him on as advisor. With his
    suggestions taken into account, Hyrule prospered once again.
    But in reality, well...Ganon is many things, but an idiot is not one of them.
    After a previous duel with Link, he was imprisoned in the Golden Land, where he
    stayed for hundreds of years. All this time, he plotted a means of escape,
    transforming it into the sinister Dark World over time. Agahnim actually was a
    kind wizard to begin with, so how he got to be under Ganon’s dominion is
    unclear. At any rate, Ganon possesses the poor old man to use as his puppet,
    then begins to exert his growing magical power on the Light World. When the
    people of Hyrule are at their most desperate, he sends a false saviour to them.
    Through Agahnim, Ganon is able to manipulate the Light World to his ends.
    Agahnim begins sacrificing maidens late at night in Hyrule Castle’s tallest
    tower, in the hopes of breaking the barrier between the worlds.
    After Link collects the Pendants of Power, Courage, and Wisdom, he is able to
    draw the Master Sword from its pedestal in the Lost Woods. When he re-emerges,
    Agahnim has kidnapped Zelda from the Sanctuary, a place she thought was safe
    and unknown to him. Link ascends Hyrule Castle and duels with Agahnim. In this
    fight, Agahnim’s main attack is to throw coloured balls of magical energy at
    Link, but they can easily be deflected with the Master Sword. The idea is to
    smack it back into Agahnim’s body, damaging him with his own magic. He also has
    a very powerful attack where he shoots lightning out of his hands, but it’s so
    predictable and easy to avoid (just head for one of the room’s corners) that it
    isn’t much of a threat.
    After he’s beaten, he falls down dead, but Ganon uses the last of his presence
    in the Light World to warp Link to the Dark World, where things are looking
    bleak, both literally and figuratively. Agahnim reappears later in the game, as
    the boss of the final dungeon, Ganon’s Tower. Here, he gains the ability to
    briefly become invisible, and some of his magical orb attacks can’t be
    deflected. He can also create two shadow clones of himself, which can distract
    Link with potentially fatal consequences if he doesn’t know which ones are
    which, but their attacks pass right through him. Other than that, his attack
    pattern is the same.
    At the end of Link’s Awakening, the final boss is a collection of foes from
    previous games, and Agahnim is one of them. As with A Link to the Past, to
    defeat him you have to deflect his only attack back at him. This form is
    pathetically easy. Some people say that it’s easier to deflect his attacks with
    the Shovel rather than the Sword, which is not true.
    Agahnim also made one final appearance in Oracle of Seasons as the mini-boss of
    Level 3, Poison Moth’s Lair. This one works a little differently. The room
    starts off dark, with Agahnim and two clones. There are two torches in the
    middle of the room, around which the three hover. Link must light the torches
    with Ember Seeds from his Seed Satchel, then quickly examine all three
    assailants before the light goes out again. The one who casts a shadow is the
    real Agahnim, and the only one who can be hurt, by being repeatedly bashed with
    a sword. All three can damage Link, however, and it can be tricky to get a hit
    in while trying to avoid attacks. It’s never explained how what was once a
    powerful figure became relegated to a forgettable mini-boss, but I’d guess this
    incarnation was an invention of Ganon.
    A g i t h a
    Probably doesn’t deserve to be third on the list
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Agitha is a very strange girl who loves bugs. Specifically, she’s looking for
    24 golden members of the phylum arthropoda, which she asks Link to seek out so
    that she can hold Agitha’s Ball at her house, called Agitha’s Castle. She makes
    funny little noises, and the way she talks (in third person, for one thing) and
    the way she acts have caused some to question her sanity. She even sends Link a
    letter telling him about a fairly...interesting dream she has. Also, she has a
    peeping tom.
    A l f o n z o
    Comfortingly familiar
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    Although he bears an uncanny resemblance to Gonzo in both name and body,
    possibly an indication of direct lineage, you’ll quickly realise that Alfonzo
    is a totally new character with a personal history of his own. Long before the
    game opens, he was a legendary swordsman in the ranks of the Royal Guard, sworn
    to protect his liege and homeland with all the might within him. He was
    generally regarded as the single strongest warrior in the country’s short
    history, with the possible exception of Link. However, for one reason or
    another he eventually left the order to pursue a career as a train conductor
    (mid-life crisis?), which is why we find him a Royal Engineer and our own
    mentor as we begin the game.
    After reminding Link of the basics of train operation, Alfonzo lauds his
    natural talent for the task but waits by the vehicle while Link heads for the
    castle to receive his engineering certificate from Princess Zelda. When, to his
    surprise, Link actually brings the girl back with him when he returns, he hears
    her out and immediately decides to help her reach the Tower of Spirits, like
    the hero he really is. When the trio finds themselves ambushed at the hands of
    Chancellor Cole and his lackey, Byrne, only minutes later, Alfonzo steps in to
    fend them off but is roundly defeated. He spends the next segment of the game
    in bed at the Castle, recovering from his injuries, but is well enough to
    travel by the time Link vanquishes the Forest Temple, and asks the young ‘un to
    deliver him back to Aboda Village, their mutual hometown. Once here, he
    assembles a cannon for the Spirit Train and links it up, finally allowing Link
    to fight back when assaulted by the monsters and Bokoblins who harry him at
    every frickin’ turn in this game. This act signals Alfonzo’s departure from
    anything of very great importance, but from here on in he provides the service
    of switching out your train cars for you as you please, in order to attain
    maximum coolness and Heart Bonus and whatnot, free of charge even.
    A n j e a n
    Lokomo leader
    Race: Lokomo
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    At 100 years old, Anjean was present when Tetra, Link and whoever else finally
    made landfall as their years-long sojourn finally came to an end. By her own
    testimony, she knew the erstwhile Princess of Hyrule rather well, and entrusted
    her with the Spirit Flute that she would later pass down to the Zelda of Spirit
    Tracks. As a member of the tribe sworn to protect humanity on behalf of the
    spirits, Anjean was also likely a participant in the first battle to chain the
    evil demon king Malladus.
    Some people like to point out that Anjean and Tetra have a similar hairstyle,
    as if that means something. Her name is a pun on the word ‘engine,’ the train
    The Link of Zelda of the Spirit Tracks era encounter her early on at the Tower
    of Spirits, and she immediately becomes the quest-dealer, dishing out both
    storyline and objectives. Eventually, she starts to ride around with them on
    the Spirit Train, and is present for the final battle. She and Byrne seem to
    have some history; it seems to be she who saves his life after his apparent
    death at the hands of Malladus.
    A n j u  a n d  K a f e i
    Star-cross’d lovers
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    The Skull Kid, under the influence of Majora’s Mask, commits all manner of
    deeds which he apparently views as mere mischief, but which are really quite
    taxing on their recipients. As the game begins, Anju and Kafei are set to be
    married in three days. However, the Skull Kid has transformed Kafei into a
    Kafei can’t bear to show his face in this state, so he spends most of his time
    hanging around the back room of the Curiosity Shop. He goes to great lengths to
    ensure nobody finds out who he is. He arranges for the postman to give a
    special signal when he delivers any mail to Kafei, and when the man-boy does
    venture out, he wears a Keaton’s Mask and refuses to talk to anyone.
    Through the longest and most complicated side-quest in the game, you can
    reunite them:
    -The mayor, the Captain of the Guard and the chief carpenter are arguing in the
    mayor’s office. Talk to the mayor’s wife, Madame Aroma. She’ll give you Kafei’s
    Mask, which allows you to interrogate people as to whether or not they’ve seen
    her son.
    -Listen to Anju’s and the postman’s conversation at the Stock Pot Inn – Anju is
    the innkeeper. The postman knows where Kafei is, but won’t tell. He would never
    sell out a friend, I guess.
    -Talk to Anju. She’ll screw up and give away somebody else’s room to you. Talk
    to her again to arrange a midnight meeting.
    -At midnight, meet Anju in the Stock Pot Inn’s kitchen. She’ll ask you to
    deliver a letter, even though she could have just done it herself with much
    less effort. Put it in any mailbox.
    -Witness the postman delivering the letter. Talk to Kafei in the Curiosity
    Shop’s back room. He’ll give you the Pendant of Memories.
    -Return a little later. The owner will be there now. He has the Keaton’s Mask
    and the Express Mail to Mama. Deliver the latter to Madame Aroma to receive an
    empty Bottle. Alternately, give it the postman to get the Postman’s Hat later
    -Sakon, a local malcontent, stole Kafei’s Sun’s Mask, which is basically an
    engagement ring. (Sakon steals other junk too.) Break into his hideout in Ikana
    Canyon, accidentally activate the security system, and work through it, finally
    recovering the mask.
    This marks the first time in Zelda history that players were able to control
    someone other than Link. The focus shifted between Link fighting Deku Babas on
    one half of the security system and Kafei solving block puzzles on the other.
    With this complete, Link went to see them in the Employees Only room of the
    Stock Pot Inn. Kafei finally showed up, but not until the last hour before the
    moon hit home. Kafei still looks like a child O_o but they marry each other in
    a private and hasty ceremony in which they exchange the Sun’s and Moon’s Masks,
    respectively. This forms the Couple’s Mask, which they give to Link in thanks.
    This is truly one of the most emotional scenes in the series, I think. They
    hold each other, crying, and say they will greet the coming morning, together.
    This is kind of sad, because they know that the instant dawn arrives, the moon
    will make planetfall and they’ll both die.
    It’s even sadder if you make a mistake and are unable to recover the Sun’s
    Mask; if you screw up, you don’t have another shot until you reset the three
    day timer and do everything over. If this happens, Anju will still go to the
    Employees Only room to wait for Kafei, but he doesn’t show up, no matter how
    long you wait. Anju dies alone in extreme grief. Depressing, isn’t it?
    But wait! For every side-quest you complete that yields a Happy Mask as its
    reward, you get to watch an additional segment of the ending cutscene when you
    beat the game. If you do manage to complete this complicated quest, you’ll see
    that Anju and Kafei later had a much more elaborate marriage ceremony just
    outside the South Entrance, with many attendees and a white dress and excessive
    confetti. Ah, it brings a smile to one’s face, unless one resents happy people.
    Or has no mouth.
    Anju’s poly is reused from Ocarina of Time. In that game, she was called the
    Cucco Lady. She lived in Kakariko Village and raised Cuccos (if you aren’t
    aware, those are Zeldafied chickens) even though she was allergic to them. She
    later bred a special Cucco she wasn’t allergic to, and which played a part in
    the Trading Game to get Biggoron’s Sword.
    A n k l e
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
                 The Minish Cap
    One of Tingle’s younger brothers, Ankle appeared in two of the three Zelda
    games whose subtitles begin with ‘The.’ Along with Knuckle and David Jr, Ankle
    slaved away at spinning Tingle Tower, that it might smile on all corners of the
    world. Ankle is much more temperate than his fellows, neither wondering about
    his work nor going insane because of it. Like the others, Ankle wears a Tingle
    suit, this one pink.
    In The Minish Cap, he sits atop a plateau and offers to fuse Kinstone pieces.
    Doing so enough times with all four members of the party (what, were we
    foreshadowing Tingle RPG or something?) will unbar caves, cause Golden Monsters
    to appear and do other unnecessary but worthwhile things.
    A n o u k i
    Accurate portrayal of Inuit culture
    Race: Anouki
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
                 Spirit Tracks
    The various Anouki of Phantom Hourglass and Spirit Tracks present a unique
    problem in that my rule of trying to include all named characters would
    stipulate that I put them in here somewhere, but almost none of them do
    anything worthwhile. So whatever, here are all the Anouki who have names but
    not their own entries, all in one easy-to-digest directory.
    The Anouki of PH inhabit the Isle of Frost, but one of the residents of Anouki
    Estates is actually a Yook in disguise. How he managed that feat I don’t know,
    because Yooks are about twice the size of Anouki. Anyway, Aroo turns out to be
    the culprit; Link resuces the real Aroo later. For the record, these are they:
    There is also another named Anouki, Noabode, who is homeless (get it? Homeless?
    No abode?) and just stands at the edge of a cliff, which is apparently a sign
    of enjoyment rather than a call for swift intervention.
    The Anouki of ST are apparently descendants of the originals, making their home
    in a second Anouki Village, this one located in the southwest corner of the
    Snow Realm. The problem this time is that their leader, Honcho, wishes to
    organize them into patrol pairs, but they’re all stupidly choosy about who they
    will or won’t work with. It is therefore Link’s task to figure this stuff out
    for them, based on their preferences regarding antler size, presence of facial
    hair, colour of parka, etc. He could make a killing as a matchmaker.
    There’s also a little guy called Noko who manufactures and sells Mega Ice, a
    type of freight. When first encountered, he’s in a bind as an Ice Chuchu fell
    into the pool he uses for making Mega Ice, but Link takes him to Wellspring
    Station and fixes that right up. Noko is extremely protective of his ice-making
    techniques, and won’t allow Link to witness them.
    A n t o n
    Exercise freak
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    In his capacity as Windfall Island’s beret-wearing heartthrob and most
    inquisitve explorer, Anton helps Link out in a couple of ways when he pulls
    through. The first is to accidentally impart some critical knowledge that
    allows Link to perform a crime. This is owing to his strong desire for
    kickboxing cross-training, which leads him to power-walk up, down and across
    the vast majority of the island at all hours of the daylight, resultantly
    giving him intimate knowledge of all the island’s details, including secret
    routes. The other is his direct participation in Link’s receiving a Heart
    Piece, which he does when Link sets him up with Linda. He’s almost like one of
    Windfall’s mascots.
    A r o o
    Race: Anouki
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    A docile member of Anouki Village on the Isle of Frost, Aroo is kidnapped by an
    anomymous Yook who attempts to infiltrate Anouki society by setting up shop
    within the belly of the beast, taking his place in day-to-day affairs. However,
    despite taking the utmost of care in his clandestine pursuits, the impostor
    just can’t sneak anything past the village Chief. Upon meeting Link, the Chief
    commissions Link to head to Anouki Estates and determine which of its occupants
    is the Yook in disguise by talking to each one of them in turn and playing a
    simple logic game in which he combines their statements with the knowledge that
    all Yook are compulsive liars. When he finds the contradiction, Link pins Aroo
    as the fake. Cornered, the Yook jettisons Link from the hovel with frigid
    breath and makes good his escape back to the eastern, Yook-controlled side of
    the island. In exchange for the promise of an eventual Pure Metal, Link gives
    chase, storms the Temple of Ice, defeats its master Gleeok, and ends up
    rescuing Aroo in the process, returning him to his rightful home.
    A s t r i d
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have a real genius on our hands here. Astrid is
    the fortune-teller residing on the Isle of Ember, but she’s kind of useless.
    First of all, when you meet her she’s hiding from monsters, and has locked
    herself away in a room she doesn’t know how to unlock, even though it’s in her
    own house. To open the door, you have to track down the remains of her dead
    assistant Kayo and talk to his ghost, since he’s the only one who knows the
    secret. Eventually Link frees her from her storage room, after which she helps
    him enter the Temple of Fire.
    She displays further uselessness after he blazes through it, however, stating
    that she’s really not too sure what’s going on exactly. Come on, lady, you
    should really be up on this sort of thing. Of course she can predict the future
    and let Link know where he needs to head off to next, but Linebeck’s planning
    skills serve that same purpose, as do the powers of every other fortune teller
    in any Legend of Zelda game ever. That’s all she’s good for, too – I mean the
    Twilight Princess seer could show Link the exact location of Pieces of Heart.
    I’m not impressed. -.-
    Later on, she reveals herself to be a distant descendant of the bygone Cobble
    Kingdom, which may be where she came into her farsight.
    A v e i l
    Linear Motor Girl
    Race: Gerudo
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Aveil makes her appearance for the span of one line of dialogue in Majora’s
    Mask in which we learn she’s the commander and ‘elder sister’ figure of the
    Gerudo living at Pirates’ Fortress. But although this may be her crowning
    achievement, we can infer a few things from it. First of all, she was probably
    responsible for the theft of Lulu’s eggs, meaning she’s either ruthless or
    vindictive or both. Because honestly, the pirates have no use for them, they
    aren’t even sure what they are. Wisdom aside, we also know that she must be a
    charismatic and inspiring leader if she’s managed to rally that taciturn group
    of reclusive warrior-women under her banner. Her station furthermore suggests a
    few things about her skills: The girl with whom she shares a poly, the captain
    of Ocarina of Time’s Gerudo Fortress, was known to be expert in the furious art
    of the Gerudo scimitar, so it stands to reason that Aveil’s mastery would be on
    a similar level. This may not necessarily be the case, however, since the two
    are obviously not direct analogues; apart from the basic differences of thieves
    versus pirates, Aveil is clearly more knowledgeable in the employment of
    mechanical technology - in fact, maybe moreso than anybody else in the entire
    Zelda universe - as evidenced by the complex workings of her outfit’s
    stronghold. I mean, just look at the outer garrison. The sentries are piloting
    MOTORBOATS. Where else do we see anything even approaching that level of
    technology? There’s Aveil’s actual crowning achievement right there. I’ll bet
    she’s an impressive pilot, too.
    A z u s a
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Between Azusa and Raia, it's hard to say who constitutes the more horrifying
    prospect as a girlfriend. Certainly, Raia is monstrous, but the fact that Azusa
    is even vaguely humanoid ends up plunging her into the uncanny valley.
    Fortunately you'll have some time to decide whether or not that's a burden you
    wish to shoulder, as you'll meet her well in advance in of actually being able
    to court her. She is first discovered outside the garage on Page 4, trying to
    find a way in. As with all the main love interests, despite Tingle's immediate
    infatuation with her, she screams and runs away. You can see how he has trouble
    getting a lady when stuff like this keeps happening, although some dialogue
    seems to suggest that his newfound skintight suit is part of the problem.
    Pursuit isn't initially possible, but after gaining the power to travel back in
    time the group can return to the garage, whose door they opened and whose liner
    they made off with. In the machine's absence, they find a secret door that
    leads to Azusa's hideout, filled to bursting with all manner of train-related
    research and collectibles. With a conductor's uniform, crazy blonde hair, huge
    spectacles, and few teeth, well, I did mention it before, but Azusa is
    definitely one of your less attractive potentials, but you'll need to win her
    over if you want to get the good ending.
    The secret is to give her a section of the Model Train whose pieces she's
    looking for, at which point she'll immediately reconsider her opinion of
    Tingle, unbar her first heart and become available to Love Push. Once that
    threshold has been crossed, she'll move on to the maze of maintenance tracks
    on, I believe, Page 8. She's inside the tunnel on which the labourers worked so
    hard before melting in the sun, and will become receptive to a further Love
    Push if given the next piece of the model, conveniently located in the pile of
    refuse and documents just outside. She will then ask Tingle for one final,
    massive favour: Finding the final piece of the model, which she suspects is
    somewhere in the maze but is too afraid to look for personally. Since Tingle's
    train is much farther along down the path (wherever that may be when you decide
    to make the detour), you get to borrow Azusa's for the duration of the
    side-quest. It's functionally identical but based on a 19th Century steam
    engine, in contrast to the futuristic liner we've been piloting up until now.
    When you do get the last part back to her, as well as the Trainforce, Azusa can
    FINALLY be Love Pushed into intentionally meeting Tingle at the dance party
    (instead of just by coincidence, which is what happens otherwise). Yes, after
    all that, you STILL have to give her a metric tonne of useless garbage before
    she'll agree to go out with you. Yeah, putting money together is going to
    represent a fair chunk of your time spent with this game if you play it, so get
    used to it. When you fill her final heart, she goes out to the plateau on which
    Jijii was lately stranded, and begins to march around in a circle pretending to
    be a train. As she does, she sings a song that she makes up on the spot,
    basically saying that it's their new couple song. Like the other girls, Azusa
    is the prize in a dance-off between Tingle and Nimidanshaku, and is also a
    possible choice as the love of his life in the final sequence. Well, hey, have
    at it if you take a liking to her.
    B a g u
    Blip on the radar
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Adventure of Link
    A blacksmith-looking guy who lives in a secluded house in the woods, Bagu gives
    Link a note allowing him access to the bridge leading to the Water Town of
    Mido. Though this solution may be somewhat non-obvious, the hint that indicates
    it is even more obscure, as a friendly Zol will apprise you of the man's
    purpose and whereabouts.
    B a l l o o n  F i g h t e r
    99 Red Barons
    Race: Human
    Appearances: Chinkuru no Baruun Faito
    Balloon Fighter, the protagonist of the original Balloon Fight for NES, makes a
    tiny cameo in the opening movie (if you can call it that) of Tingle's Balloon
    Fight. Tingle, limping over the sea on the power of only his red balloon, spots
    some Rupees floating up above, and struggles to gain altitude in order to reach
    them. Just as he's about to make the acquisition, however, Balloon Fighter
    cruises onto the scene, casually snags both, and passes right on through. What
    a dick. Then some flying enemies appear and pop Tingle's remaining balloon,
    sending him plummeting into the water below, where he is eaten by a giant fish.
    B a r k l e
    Tingle's best friend
    Race: Dog
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
                 Iroduzki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Dogs, I'm not a fan. Tingle first encounters his new pet in the depths of
    Pirate's Hideout. The place is overrun with problems, but the most troublesome
    by far is a fearsome monster...which turns out to be a cute (if for some reason
    you like dogs) little puppy. Of course, being made entirely of bones, the
    skeletal pirates are terrified to 'death' of being nommed on. Barkle
    accompanies Tingle until the segment's completion, after which he trots off to
    his house and starts living there. Its purpose is mainly to add to the scenery,
    which remains fairly drab until you fill it up with Rupee Goods and a hologram,
    but if you feed it a bunch of Bones it'll sometimes bring back a random item.
    You're better off holding onto them in case you need them for a Recipe, because
    it doesn't come up with anything very exciting. For reasons that are never
    explained, Barkle wears a Tingle suit.
    It appears briefly in the beginning and ending of Balloon Trip, that is to say,
    the parts that take place in the real world, except of course not wearing a
    Tingle suit. If Tingle elects to remain in his fantasy world when presented
    with the option of going home, Barkle will be shown urinating on the book
    Tingle now lives in. That's fantastic.
    B a r n e s
    & Noble
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Barnes the bomb man is a manufacturer of all fine products that explode after
    being partially lit on fire. Unlike most purveyors of such merchandise, Barnes
    has developed a couple of unique products not found anywhere else in the
    series. The first is the Water Bomb, which can be operated even underwater, a
    utilitarian and often critical feature (they can, of course, also be used
    elsewhere if the bearer’s equipment is running short.) The second is the
    Bombling, which is just plain awesome. Much like the Bombchu, once deployed the
    Bombling rushes forward on its own propulsion, though in this case it teeters
    around on spindly legs rather than rocket off on a slick of mystery. Also
    unlike Bombchu, which move in a straight line, Bomblings home in on the nearest
    threatening body. These brilliant inventions have led to great success for
    Barnes’ Bombs, a shop greatly resembling a garage (Barnes even wears a welder’s
    mask while he works) located off lower Fifth Avenue in Manhattan. Or maybe
    partway up the cliffs that form the Kakariko Village gorge, you decide.
    When Zant brought Twilight down on Eldin Province, Barnes was one of the
    handful of survivors who managed to take shelter in Renado’s dugout. Of those
    few, Barnes is clearly one of the calmer and more level-headed, racking his
    brains for solutions rather than freaking out when beasts come knocking at
    their makeshift barrier. He does, however, reasonably stay within its
    boundaries since he’d be destroyed instantaneously if he tried to put up any
    kind of fight, but if we purposely go to lengths to look at it from a
    glass-half-full perspective, it means that Link doesn’t have to waste any
    energy protecting him. After Kakariko’s liberation, Barnes gets to work on a
    few new projects, namely the aforementioned Water Bombs and Bomblings, the
    former of which allow Link to access Lakebed Temple and the Goron stuck in the
    meteor at Zora’s Domain.
    B a r o n
    Bonus boss
    Race: Lesser Deity
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
                 Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Though he features one of the less intimidating names among Zelda bosses, Baron
    is one of the most powerful entities in the entirety of Tingle's homeland. The
    very God of War himself, Baron, once known as Bamo, bears a grudge against all
    living things, having killed many men in battle and holed up in a cave near the
    summit of Mt Desma when their families gathered to return the favour. He
    challenges you to fight him before a single fight-cloud has elapsed, and if you
    engage, you will absolutely fail unless accompanied by one of the Drifter
    Bodyguards. You're best to do it with Teddy Todo. As it turns out, Baron slew
    Teddy Todo's father in battle many years ago, and said progeny has vowed to
    avenge his father by killing Baron. This is what led to him becoming a
    bodyguard and continually seeking to increase his strength, and he will be
    eternally grateful if you give him the opportunity to accomplish his lifelong
    goal. He leaves behind a flower in memoriam. Baron, meanwhile, leaves behind
    the Demon Mask, which can be sold to any of the Drifter Bodyguards; Teddy Todo
    gives the least, perhaps because he doesn't want to be reminded, while Ronny
    gives the most, perhaps respecting Baron's commitment to living all-out.
    Surprisingly, Baron resurges in the sequel-of-sorts, Irdozuki Chinkuru no Koi
    no Baruun Torippu. Returning to Usotami Village after having already cleared
    it, Tingle's party learns that a terrifying monsters has been roaming around
    the nearby desert, attacking anyone who gets too close. Thus they set out to
    search for it, with a view toward making the area safer for its inhabitants.
    The entire Usotami Desert section of the game is amazing, as it basically
    spoofs turn-based RPGS, SNES-era Final Fantasy in particular. Tingle, Buriki
    and Raion are each able to use their respective abilities to combat the
    monsters they encounter in random battles, earning rewards such as Rupees and
    the Water necessary to endure the harsh conditions without losing
    consciousness. Oftentimes Raion or Buriki is able to vanquish opponents through
    irresistible force (and sometimes a Mario RPG-style quicktime event), but the
    trick is finding exactly the right move for the situation at hand. Tingle's
    combat abilities are weak, which should surprise no one, but he's capable of
    using the various tools he's acquired over the course of his journey; one
    particularly clever fight involves him removing the screws from a sarcophagus
    in order to assault its contents. Anyway, the mystical medicine capable of
    reviving both Princess Emera and Tingle's parental units proves the key to
    easing Baron's pain as well. It is then revealed that he has undergone
    veritable torture for hundreds of years, and has merely been in search of
    someone to help him with it. Baron is healed, the Usotami are safe, Tingle gets
    a Secret, and a good time is had by all.
    B a t r e a u x
    What a horrible night to have a curse.
    Race: Initially Demon, later Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Though born a demon somewhat resembling a Dragon Quest character, Batreaux's
    deepest desire is to be human. He and Tingle would get along great, for a
    number of reasons really. A seven-foot-tall robed individual with yellow bat
    wings and shades, Batreaux cuts an intimidating figure, and at first seems to
    have abducted Kukiel. If Link hears a scream and rushes in prepared to attack,
    Batreaux will move to defend himself but then beg for mercy after taking only a
    single hit. It's not what it looks like, he pleads: It's not that Kukiel is in
    distress, but rather they are playing the Scream as Loud as You Can Game.
    Kukiel confirms. We never find out who wins.
    Kukiel, it turns out, was the only person on Skyloft who was willing to give
    him a chance, and as a result has become his only friend. Due to his fearsome
    appearance, whenever Batreaux would wander amongst the locals at night they
    would mistake him for someone of ill intent and run screaming; this is
    particularly true of the old man at Pumpkin Landing, though no one believes
    him. This lifestyle has worn on Batreaux, and now he only wants to walk
    shoulder to shoulder with Skylofters as one of them. Fortunately, he has
    discovered a way to literally transform himself. All he requires is 80
    Gratitude Crystals, small shining objects that look like Star Bits from Super
    Mario Galaxy, and predictably he would be thoroughly in your debt if you were
    to gather some for him.
    He's a pretty hard guy to say no to, and the lengthy sidequest that results is
    reminiscent of Majora's Mask's Happy Mask sideqests in that they all involve
    encountering someone with a (sometimes extremely trivial) problem and doing
    what you can to solve it, sometimes in unexpected ways, such as when Owlan
    wants to study a new plant and you bring him back a Kikwi. And since it starts
    early and can't be completed until quite late, it feels like a continuing
    endeavour rather than a series of disconnected fetch quests. Additionally,
    there are 15 Gratitude Crystals merely sitting around in Skyloft that only
    appear at night. The most interesting of these are the one in Zelda's room,
    which can only be accessed by breaking into it, and on Beedle's Island, which
    can only be accessed by falling asleep in the bed in his flying store.
    As you progress, he will further motivate you with progressively higher (and
    less interesting) rewards, including a Heart Piece, pointlessly large Wallet
    upgrades, Rupees to go with them, and a Cursed Medal. The last one he begs you
    not to accept, as it confers a sharply increased Treasure drop rate at the
    horrifying cost of not being able to open your Adventure Pouch. Obviously it's
    not quite as awful a fate as it's made out to be, but but it's certainly not
    worth it. When you eventually do collect 80 Crystals, he'll be overjoyed,
    transform into a human, declare that he can now live among the Skylofters as
    one of them, and immediately continue to stand exactly where he is for the rest
    of the game.
    B e a v e r  B r o t h e r s
    Nickel Phelps
    Race: Beavers
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Back when Mikau was still alive and the Terminan waters were still vibrant and
    inviting, the Beaver Brothers loved nothing better than to taunt him
    ceaselessly about his inability to beat them at the little game they had set up
    in a tiny out-of-the-way inlet off the beach at Zora Cape. Fortunately, he was
    able to get his revenge post-mortem when Link assumed his form and finally
    wiped the smug smiles off their stupid faces. Fooled by Link’s disguise, the
    brothers immediately challenge ‘Mikau’ to one of the coolest mini-games ever,
    on par with Pokemon Stadium’s legendary Sushi-go-Round. As it turns out, in
    spite of Mikau’s previous difficulties Beaver Brothers isn’t even that
    difficult. All it asks of you is subtle manipulations of your fish as you swim
    at top speed through a series of progressively more difficult lifeguard rings.
    The second part, hosted by the older brother, is marginally more difficult than
    the younger brother’s portion, and you might even fail a few times, but mostly
    it’s just the sheer exhilaration of trying to keep up with your target as you
    hurtle through neckbreakingly tight curves and he merrily bobs along with the
    current. Incidentally, the whole setup was so well-received that a very similar
    event appeared in Super Mario Galaxy, more than once in fact. After being
    beaten, the slack-jawed Beaver Brothers admit that Mikau is a much more skilled
    swimmer than they thought, and yield a Heart Piece.
    B e e d l e
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
                 Phantom Hourglass
                 Spirit Tracks
    I can’t believe I managed to forget Beedle through two revisions O_o
    I can’t believe it because he’s iconic to The Wind Waker, and The Wind Waker is
    my favourite Zelda. Beedle really showed what the society of TWW was all about.
    Like Marin and Tarin from Link’s Awakening, Beedle was always moving around the
    world. Wherever you went, you could find him not too far off. Later on he gave
    you a map that would actually point out precisely where you could find him,
    completely ruining the illusion that he was constantly on the move, but
    personally I try to keep the idea alive in my mind.
    Actually, the mask he wears in that one map section and his appearance in other
    games open up the floor for clones or Nurse Joy Syndrome or chrono-impairment
    or something. I like my version better though.
    Beedle could be found all over the place because he lived on what Nintendo
    Power ticklingly called his ‘floating shop ship.’ Like many businessmen in
    Zelda, he doesn’t quite understand the concept of location, joining the ranks
    of such luminaries as the guy who peddled his wares from a magic carpet
    floating over a perilous sand pit in the middle of the nearly uninhabited
    Gerudo Desert. Somehow, Beedle seems to make ends meet, though I kind of wonder
    where he gets his supplies...maybe he puts in to port from time to time. Yeah,
    that would be supported by his being docked at the opening of TWW.
    Beedle mainly sells Bait Bags, All-Purpose Bait and Hyoi Pears, and, rarely,
    Treasure Maps. Not exactly the most compelling merchandise, but he did trick me
    into buying a ton of it through his supposed rewards programme. This takes the
    form of a points card like you can find at any damn business anywhere these
    days, but whose main reward is a slight reduction in price on all products.
    Thing is, the stuff he’s selling is only marginally useful in the first place,
    and by the time you work up that many points you’re probably at the end of the
    game, meaning their usefulness has dropped to exactly zero – since at that
    point you’ve probably filled in your map and uncovered all the secrets you’re
    going to bother to uncover.
    The reward for I believe the Silver Membership, however, was kind of novel. It
    was a coupon you could present to Beedle at any time, at which point he would
    stand up and yell to high heaven about what a great person you were. His
    explanation? Everybody can use encouragement from time to time. Which is great,
    even if I was sort of expecting something with an in-game benefit of some sort.
    After the end of The Wind Waker, Beedle apparently follows Link, Tetra and the
    crew thousands of miles into uncharted waters, suggesting he is some kind of
    stalker. He’s basically unchanged in his PH appearance, though as I recall his
    rewards this time take the form of coupons that can be used for actual
    Spirit Tracks is where it gets weird. Given the dearth of open water found in
    most of that game’s setting, Beedle has switched from seaborne to airborne
    retailer, and has taken to selling Treasures at twice their value in addition
    to his usual assortment of Bombs and sub-standard Potions. Later on, you can
    take a kid from Aboda Village, Link’s hometown, to live with Beedle in his
    ship, to which the merchant protests profusely; he stays there for the
    remainder of the game. But none of this is weird, what’s weird is that ST takes
    place ONE HUNDRED YEARS after PH, and yet Beedle doesn’t look a day older than
    he did then! Admittedly, he’s likely just a descendant of that game’s Beedle,
    since Zelda and Link and others have shown up looking just as they did and they
    are verifiably not the same people, and on top of that, characters reappear
    outside of their own direct continuities a lot, as with various minor
    characters in The Minish Cap. However, Beedle is neither confirmed to be a
    different person nor is he in a different continuity, so isn’t it way more
    interesting to believe he’s the same guy? I mean seriously, who actually
    expected him to appear in ST?
    He makes an unexpected, but awesome, return in Skyward Sword, likely cementing
    him as a series mainstay from here on in. He once again runs a shop, but it's a
    little flying buggy that circles the Skyloft Bazaar all day, its rotors powered
    by Beedle frantically pedalling on an 80s-style exercise bike with matching
    electronic display. It's hard work, and so he angrily ejects you if you add
    your weight to the contraption but try to leave without buying anything. At
    night, the shop returns to Beedle's humble island, upon which he casts off his
    typical mannerisms in favour of an unnecessarily refine speech pattern intended
    to convey his intellectual prowess...you know, I was trying to mimic it just
    there, as a joke, but that's kind of just how I write, isn't it. Anyway, you
    can experience this dramatic shift in character by falling asleep in his shop's
    bed, as he will then 'decline to wake you' and spirit you off to his island,
    where you can have a heart-to-heart. There are a few items here than you can
    only get at night, but more importantly, towards the end of the game he will
    reveal that he has lost his prize pet, the incredibly rare Horned Colossus
    Beetle. As it turns out, Strich has come across it, but refuses to hand it over
    unless Link can prove himself worthy of it. This manifests in the form of a
    bug-catching challenge, in which Link must collect ten particular bugs (as
    randomly mandated by Strich) in under three minutes. When Link finally returns
    the Beetle, Beedle spits out a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals.
    Beedle has a bowl cut, an enormous pink nose that conceals his mouth, and a
    somewhat too-happy demeanour. Also, he wears nothing but blue shorts with a
    white skull printed on the crotch.
    B e l a r i
    Drops hardcore bombs
    Race: Minish
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    Bearing a similar name to quest-critical Melari, Belari is an older Minish
    living in Minish Village in Minish Woods. How happy. While most of his kind
    embrace the Minish spirit of helping the Big Folk by performing thankless good
    deeds and hiding nice things for them to find, Belari puts his efforts towards
    inventing and making things, specifically Bombs. He bequeaths Link with the
    Bomb Bag early in the game, and later on offers the option of swapping between
    regular Bombs and Remote Bombs, an invention of his own devising, which don’t
    explode until commanded to do so by the user. Those things are just plain neat.
    B e l l u m
    Creature straight out of a nightmare
    Race: Lesser Deity?
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    Although Bellum is a constant veiled presence even throughout the early game
    and acted to both directly and indirectly set the game’s events into motion,
    his existence isn’t revealed until over halfway through the game. Failing to
    clue Link in on the nature of the evil he’s fighting against is a little
    irresponsible of the Ocean King, but at least he knows enough about his
    assailant to devise a counterattack. Briefly prior to the beginning of the
    game, Bellum appeared out of nowhere, beat up the Ocean King, jacked almost all
    of his power including that of the Phantom Hourglass, and took up residence in
    his Temple’s inner sanctum. Bellum captured Leaf and Neri, the Spirits of
    Courage and Wisdom, and sent them across the sea to dungeons to be guarded by
    hideous Hourglass-born monsters. The Ocean King and Ciela, Spirit of Courage,
    barely escape, the latter without even her memories, and bide their time in
    disguise as the Ocean King tries to devise a plan of action. After a long
    journey all around the four corners of Bellum’s newfound territory, Link
    acquires the Phantom Sword, possibly the only weapon capable of defeating his
    monstrous foe. He then finally takes the plunge and delves into the deepest
    depths of the Temple of the Ocean King to confront the usurper, and we are
    treated to perhaps the third-coolest final boss battle in the entire Zelda
    The first phase of the battle is his longest and least interesting, but I’m
    still struck by the sheer creepiness of ugly’s manifestation. It doesn’t look
    like much on DS, but its weirdness can’t be denied. Bellum takes the form of
    what seems to be essentially a squirming, bloated grub with a slack-jawed
    orifice from which springs a single orange-red eye that stares at Link with
    insane obsession. This misshapen mass is suspended from the walkways that ring
    the cylindrical chamber by a system of eyed, clawed tentacles that whip at Link
    with lightning speed as miniature minions harry his flight, necessitating
    guerrilla-style dodge-and-counterattack tactics with the Bow and other weapons.
    After taking a beating, a tentacle’s eye changes colour and Bellum withdraws it
    temporarily, perhaps feeling it’s a little too sore and tender to risk further
    harm for the time being. Once every tentacle (there’s like ten) has been
    bested, Bellum retreats to a higher position and regroups himself as Link
    scrambles up a staircase to the next level up.
    Once Bellum has ascended to the ceiling and been defeated for a third time, he
    says screw this noise and starts FLYING around the place trying to run Link
    down. Thinking quickly, Ciela enhances Link’s Hour power with the ability to
    momentarily stop time, giving him a brief window of opportunity in which to
    whale on Bellum’s eye.
    After the already beaten and ragged creature receives the brunt of several such
    deadly assaults, he flees to the Ghost Ship and takes off as fast as he
    possibly can. Link and and Linebeck leap aboard their vessel and give chase,
    shooting down the volleys of strange, organic projectiles that the enemy craft
    lobs at them while mounting an offensive of their own, firing a barrage of
    bombs into the many turbulent eyes plastered across the Ghost Ship. I totally
    saw this coming, too. I just knew that after spending half the game on the S.S.
    Linebeck, there had to be at least one seaborne boss battle, and it was really
    gratifying to see it here considering its sad absence in The Wind Waker.
    Upon disabling the Ghost Ship, the duo marries and boards it...only to have
    Linebeck immediately possessed. Bellum’s phantomile and Linebeck’s humanity
    converge to form a tall, armoured, broadsword-wielding soldier. Compared to the
    Metroidness of his previous form, the shape he takes on now more closely
    resembles a traditional Zelda character, but it’s not entirely what you’d call
    a typical Zelda battle. Sword vs. sword combats always turn out interesting for
    some reason. Though his defences seem impregnable, Link once again uses a
    show-stopping performance to get behind him and attack his only apparent
    weakness, the still-gaping eye on his back (that thing is ever present, isn’t
    it). Unfortunately, all this accomplishes is some futile attacks on the closed
    ocular organ and the capture of Ciela, so that sort of backfired. In spite of
    her situation, the resourceful fairy is still able to use her potent powers to
    Link’s benefit, though she is considerably restrained due to her position atop
    Bellum’s head. From here, Link’s task is to cross swords with Bellum until
    their weapons clash in a mighty Power Struggle that upon Link’s victory yields
    a moment of confusion on Bellum’s part. Ciela takes advantage of this lapse in
    concentration to reimbue the Hourglass with one full charge, giving Link the
    opportunity he needs. On top of this, since the eye is only open periodically,
    Ciela displays it on the top screen so that Link will know when make his move.
    After being hacked to hell by the Phantom Sword, Bellum explodes, his armour
    coughs up Linebeck, the Ghost Ship dissipates, and all evil lifts from the
    Ocean King’s domain.
    There are a number of mysteries surrounding Bellum and his nature. First of
    all, though he obviously has some sort of connection to the Phantom Hourglass,
    we can’t be certain of exactly what (unless this was explained and I missed it,
    which is entirely possible.) The Phantom Hourglass is obviously his weakness,
    though whether it’s simply his magical antithesis or for some other reason, I
    don’t know. This combined with the fact that he turns into sand upon his defeat
    and is absorbed into the Hourglass, I’m inclined to believe that he was
    originally sand that was corrupted or otherwise went rogue on its master, the
    Ocean King. On top of that, since Bellum was responsible for the Phantoms (who
    are also not explained...) that have taken up residence in the Temple of the
    Ocean King, simple naming conventions would lead us to conclude that Bellum is
    himself a Phantom-family creature. It’s definitely a theory worthy of
    We also know that he created the Ghost Ship, which would immediately make us
    wonder if it’s the same Ghost Ship from The Wind Waker. If not, then there are
    probably more out there somewhere, which is kind of an interesting idea; if
    not, then they’re the same one, which is a very interesting idea. It means that
    Bellum sacked the Temple of the Ocean King and sent the Ghost Ship on a long
    voyage to the previous site of Hyrule. That alone opens up a huge number of
    possibilities, because, critically, we really have no solid idea of what the
    Ghost Ship was created for, besides being Bellum’s representative on the high
    B e r t i e  a n d  L u v
    Everly and Ann-Margret
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Although Bertie's name comes first when the two are mentioned together, his
    wife is clearly the one who runs the show. Not only does this robust woman
    singlehandedly invent and produce all of the Potions they sell, but she handles
    the 'storefront' portion of the operation as well. Their offerings range from
    the indispensable to the mostly useless; actually, they kind of gather towards
    the latter end of that scale. The only one that I ever particularly had a use
    for was the Heart Potion, which restores eight hearts. Other options include
    one that restores four hearts as well as your shield gauge, one that makes you
    invincible for one minute, and one that temporarily confers infinite Stamina,
    all of which are some combination of too weak and too situational to ever be
    However, they can at least be made mildly more effective by infusing them with
    the right combination of insects, a process of which Bertie is a master.
    Setting aside your personal feelings on drinking insects, this can transform
    the Heart Potion into the Heart Potion+, which restores ALL missing hearts, and
    then the Heart Potion++, which does the same thing but contains two servings.
    For some reason he doesn't have much confidence in his own abilities, but the
    resulting brew always turns out great. Besides that useful service, Bertie is
    also responsible for raising the couple's baby, which can't be much fun
    considering how much time the thing spends crying, but then again, that's his
    own mistake for having a kid. When you return to Skyloft after completing a
    certain dungeon, he begins acting narcoleptic, and it transpires that the
    baby's favourite rattle has gone missing. Since that's the only thing that will
    compel it to sleep through the night, it's indispensable. Thus, in one of the
    game's stupider sidequests, Link must climb to the Skyloft fountainhead, pitch
    himself off it, and skydive into the nest of the Klepto who snatched it.
    Finally able to get some rest, Bertie forms a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals.
    B i g g o r o n  a n d  M e d i g o r o n
    Titanic swordsmiths
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Seasons
                 The Minish Cap
                 Phantom Hourglass
    The Gorons are a people whose bodies appear to be made of solid rock. This lack
    of carbon growth seems to have some very strange side effects, as evidenced by
    dudes like the Goron Elder and Biggoron. They can apparently live for a very
    long time...and at least a few of them never stop growing, ever. Biggoron is
    huge. Massive. Ten stories tall, perhaps.
    Despite his size, he is quite skilled with fine tools. He is one of the finest
    weapon-makers in the whole series (though there aren’t that many.)
    He has a younger brother named Medigoron, who is noticeably smaller – but still
    so big he takes up a whole room – and noticeably less skilled. He makes Link a
    sword that takes seven years to finish, called the Giant’s Knife.
    Unfortunately, though powerful, it was so large it took two hands to wield, and
    was so fragile it broke after only a few strokes. Biggoron was suffering from
    blindness after the eruption of Death Mountain, whose summit he was right next
    to; if Link completed the Trading Game and got some rare eye-drops for him, he
    offered to fix the sword. It took him three days to come up with the most
    powerful sword in the game, the Biggoron’s Sword, which he could conceivably
    have used as a toothpick.
    In Majora’s Mask, the Gorons all live at Snowhead, where they are slowly
    freezing to death. Biggoron was the only one who was unaffected, probably
    because of his massive size. He guarded the entrance to Snowhead Temple,
    refusing to let anyone in. However, Link put him to sleep with the Goron’s
    Lullaby and was able to enter. In this game, Medigoron has found something he’s
    good at: making Powder Kegs. These are gigantic bombs that Link can only handle
    safely in Darmani form, and which he needs in order to gather several important
    In Oracle of Seasons, the Gorons again live in a snowy climate, and again not
    by choice. The ravages of Onox having sunk the Temple of Seasons have forced
    their home into winter. Unfortunately, Biggoron is too big to fit into their
    cave home, so he has to sit outside and be cold. Part of the Trading Game
    involves giving him a pot of soul-warming Lava Soup. In a linked game, he again
    contributes the most powerful blade, the Biggoron’s Sword.
    Additionally, you can talk to him in The Minish Cap after you’ve beaten the
    game and allow him to eat your tasty shield – the Goron diet is chiefly rock
    sirloin, if you’ll recall, so tempered iron must be a delectable treat. If you
    visit again after a while, he’ll offer up the shiny new Mirror Shield to
    replace the one he ate.
    The Phantom Hourglass iteration presides over the citizens of Goron Island, but
    I think the name is treated as more of a title here; he’s really not that much
    bigger than a normal Goron. I guess he was considered too young to be a Goron
    Elder; here’s where the term Big Brother could really have been used to good
    effect. Nomenclatural kvetching aside, like other Goron leaders, Biggoron
    challenged Link to see if he was worthy of being accepted as a de facto member
    of the tribe, in this case by asking him a series of questions about the island
    and its inhabitants. Each question yields an increasing Rupee reward (off an
    ante of 20 Rupees per attempt), culminating in total winnings of 146 Rupees.
    Upon Link’s success, Biggoron charges him initiation fees, which happen to be
    146 Rupees. It’s worth it, though, as Biggoron then opens up the way to Goron
    Temple, and offers the services of his son Gongoron as guide and assistant.
    After Link rids the place of its troubles, Biggoron even has the grace to
    return his initiation fees, with a nice little bonus, proffering a 200-Rupee
    parting gift. He was an ok guy.
    B i p i n  a n d  B l o s s o m
    New parents
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Oracle of Seasons and Ages
    In both halves of the Oracle saga, Bipin and Blossom are a happy couple who
    live in the main village, be it Horon Village or Lynna City. She’s a housewife,
    and he tends Gasha plants. They’re both very excited about their newborn son,
    to the point that Bipin runs back and forth around their house like a psycho.
    Over the course of a regular game and then a main-linked one, you can watch
    their son grow. Over time, you will have various opportunities to influence his
    career choice. Depending on how you handle these decisions, he can become a
    swordsman like Link, an arborist like his father, a musician like Sokra, or
    somebody with no purpose in life.
    B l a d e  B r o t h e r s
    Sword siblings
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    Hyrule Castle Town in The Minish Cap plays host to a sword duelling contest
    every year. Some famous competitors include the likes of Link’s uncle, the King
    of Hyrule and Vaati himself. But at one point or another, each of the so-called
    Blade Brothers won the contest, then departed on a journey of enlightenment to
    hone their techniques to perfection.
    Swiftblade – He now runs Swiftblade’s Dojo in the southwest part of town, where
    he teaches worthy students the basics of sword combat via his patented method
    of instruction, the Swiftblade Possession Technique. I didn’t really think of
    this until later on, but the fact that he actually has the magical ability to
    possess someone’s body is quite remarkable, elsewhere seen only in exceptional
    magicians (e.g. Ganon possessing Agahnim.) He claims to have invented it, but
    all the other Blade Brothers use it as well, so it’s unlikely.
    Anyway, he teaches the Spin Attack, the Dash Attack, the Rock Breaker and the
    Down Thrust. Almost all of these should be familiar to fans, especially the
    Spin Attack. The Dash Attack is simply a charge while using the Pegasus Boots,
    the Rock Breaker opens up the world by allowing Link to smash rocks with his
    sword, and the Down Thrust allows him to do a stabby hip-drop once he’s jumped
    into the air.
    Grimblade – He hangs out under Hyrule Castle. If Link finds him, he teaches the
    Sword Beam.
    Waveblade – This Lake Hylia denizen teaches the Peril Beam, a move new to
    Zelda. This one is kind of the opposite of the Sword Beam, in that you can use
    it when you have one heart or less (instead of the full hearts needed for the
    Sword Beam.)
    Greyblade – If Link can find him on Death Mountain, he teaches the patently
    useless Roll Attack, which allows Link to strike powerfully with his sword if
    he slashes as he rises out of a normal roll.
    Swiftblade the First – By the time Link meets him in Castor Wilds, he’s a
    ghost, but he has a very useful technique. Normally, the Spin Attack is one
    revolution, but the Great Spin Attack allows for several. In a couple of other
    games, there was a similar move called the Hurricane Spin Attack. Maybe it’s
    the same attack but with a name change, like how the Whirling Blade Attack
    became simply the Spin Attack.
    Greatblade – He holed up in North Hyrule Field to dedicate himself to improving
    the Great Spin Attack, giving it even more revolutions per execution.
    Scarblade – Found in Castor Wilds, he improves the speed at which a Spin Attack
    is charged.
    Splitblade – When Link steps on certain panels, he can create copies of himself
    in order to solve puzzles. Some of these involve combat, so Splitblade, hiding
    in Veil Falls, improves the speed at which the Split Gauge fills.
    B l a i n o
    Race: Uh.
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
                 Oracle of Seasons
    RANK: Major Circuit #2
    RECORD: 18-9 (18 KO)
    HEIGHT: ?’??”
    WEIGHT: ?? lbs.
    AGE: ??
    FROM: Koholint Island, Hylian Sea
    Let’s go, Mac baby, let’s go! This guy’s fast and strong. One hit from those
    gloves of his will send you straight back to the beginning of the circuit.
    Dodge his punch then counter punch! Make him see Stars!
    Blaino made his debut as a mini-boss but subsequently fell to the station of
    key quest adversary. His initial appearance is in the eighth and final level of
    Link’s Awakening, Turtle Rock, where he guards the prized Magic Rod. Come to
    think of it, this is actually a pretty important position, the Magic Rod being
    the single most powerful weapon in the entire Zelda series excluding swords.
    Blaino’s stamina is also quite high, as he is able to withstand an almost
    bosslike number of blows before conceding the match. That’s fine, of course,
    since we all love destroying bad guys and all. Slightly more threatening is his
    frighteningly powerful jab, which, like the grasp of a Wallmaster, can
    instantly return Link to the entrance of the dungeon.
    And so it was for the passage of two more games, until Blaino’s unexpected
    return in Oracle of Seasons. As Link runs around looking for the Floodgate Key
    to open the way to Level 3, Poison Moth’s Lair, he learns that Ricky the
    Kangaroo has had his boxing gloves taken as spoils by a wicked little fiend,
    and without them he’s too depressed and powerless to do anything but sit alone
    in his house. Link agrees to help Ricky out, rising up to the challenge of
    their rival. As it turns out, Blaino’s Gym is located a short walk north of
    Horon Village, though dude’s personality doesn’t seem to be attracting a lot of
    customers. Link challenges Blaino for the Boxing Gloves he stole, and the
    ensuing encounter plays out more like a sumo match than a boxing one, with the
    goal being to force the opponent to step outside the ring, but that’s fine.
    Blaino dutifully returns the item upon his defeat (winning Link the support of
    his new animal friend, who isn’t a hamster), but challenges Link to a rematch
    if he ever feels up to it. Subsequent bouts will net you Rupees. One of the
    more fun ways to fight him is to equip the Expert’s Ring, which allows Link to
    throw down his weapons in favour of a clenched fist, making for a real
    throwdown contest.
    B l i n d  t h e  T h i e f
    When I was little I thought his name was instructions
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
    A young man, perhaps 19, who once plagued Kakariko Village with his mischievous
    ways and gang of 40 thieves who ransacked its homes and terrorized its
    populace. For some reason he was still able to maintain a legal residence in
    the town, and, equally mysteriously, left several hundred Rupees when he left
    for parts unknown that its new owner never bothered to even see if he might be
    able to get at them despite realising full well that they were there. The
    aforementioned parts unknown are in fact known to be Thieves’ Town, the Dark
    World equivalent to Kakriko Village, which Blind apparently established upon
    travelling there, in search of the Triforce no doubt.
    Thieves’ Town is a totally rundown and depressing little place where nobody
    seems to live anymore except monsters and the surviving thieves in their
    transformed states. It also houses Blind’s Hideout, raising the question of why
    he would need a hideout when he controls the whole town, hidden beneath a giant
    statue of a gargoyle (analagous to the Light World’s weathervane.) This hideout
    is a massive underground labyrinth, filled with not only traps but a wide
    variety of monsters, making it somewhat impractical as a home base. Deep
    inside, Link finds Blind in the form of a cute girl, and a very commanding one
    at that. Go find the key, no don’t go this way. Know what darling, you don’t
    have to stick around you know. Of course, this is all just a ruse to lure Link
    into a more amenable arena to have a little brawl, which is convenient because
    you need Blind to get through and Hyrule would have been in serious trouble if
    the boss had happened not to have felt like bothering with Link. Luckily he
    does, and when he accidentally steps into the light, the extreme
    photosensitivity for which he earned his name asserts itself, and all of a
    sudden he transforms. This is interesting in and of itself, because this new
    form is probably the reflection of his heart that the Dark World forced him to
    take on, and yet somehow he possesses magic powerful enough to (even
    temporarily) override the prerogatives of the Triforce itself. That’s fairly
    As for the new form itself, well it’s a sort of...kind of like one of those
    bedsheet ghosts that are the bane of foot fetishists everywhere, but then a
    hideous cyclopean red goblin ripped its way out the top, with some gnarled,
    clawed hands added to help out. The battle itself is pretty simple, however,
    mostly consisting of dodging Blind’s body and projectiles while attacking with
    whichever of your many weapons strikes your mood.
    B o d y g u a r d s
    Purse protectors
    Race: Various
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Much like Taloon of Dragon Quest IV, Tingle finds his talents more in his money
    management abilities than in his combat ones. As such, he can often be found
    employing a variety of skilled and multifarious bodyguards to keep him from
    dying as he proceeds through the untamed wilderness. Found and hired at the
    various Bodyguard Salons located throughout the land, these yojinbou will
    accompany him until he leaves the continent; at this point they will loyally
    wait for his return, unless he hires another Bodyguard elsewhere, as he can
    only maintain a single contract at a time. Perhaps they both sign a
    non-compete? In a neat touch, however, you can freely hire and dismiss
    Bodyguards as much as you want, as they are consummate professionals and will
    never hold a grudge.
    Bodyguards have a number of utilities that make them invaluable investments.
    Their most obvious purpose is assisting in battle, lending a great deal of
    needed muscle to Tingle's side, both conserving his Rupees and helping to
    ensure a higher item payout when the two emerge victorious. A crafty player can
    also manoeuvre an intelligent and responsive Bodyguard around the immediate
    area to discover hidden pitfalls or to engage a slippery enemy, as there are
    those that run from Tingle but, for some reason, not his Bodyguards. They are
    also capable of deflecting projectiles, and will even rush to Tingle's side to
    dispel ice or fire should he find himself so entrapped.
    Each Bodyguard also has a unique Tingle Chance move, which triggers based
    purely on luck and successfully goes off based mostly on luck. If it's
    successful, a quick cinematic sequence goes off and all onscreen enemies are
    defeated instantly, offering a sizable Rupee yield. These are so rare that I
    haven't experienced all of them, but they're nothing amazing anyway.
    While their stats determine their effectiveness (as well as their overall hire
    cost), their behaviour is determined by their personality. Dunces flatly refuse
    to respond to movement commands and practically need to have a fight forced
    down their throat before they'll enter it; aggressive Bodyguards will
    enthusiastically engage every enemy they spot, which prevents the problem of
    having them stand around doing nothing while their employer scraps, but tends
    to waste time and damages their long-term survivability. Wise Bodyguards are
    the best by far, never attacking an enemy of their own accord unless instructed
    to, snappily responding to commands that can dance them all around the screen,
    and immediately entering the fray should Tingle find enemies bearing down on
    him. Bodyguards' physical size plays a part as well, with larger Bodyguards
    generally having better stats, but commanding a price to match. Additionally,
    diminutive small Bodyguards can squeeze into tight spaces, adroit medium
    Bodyguards can pick locks, and muscly large Bodyguards can toss aside
    obstructive barriers, and you'll require all three services to 100% the game.
    Taking into account every possible combination of size and personality, there
    are nine basic Bodyguard templates, each of which appears once per continent,
    giving us a total of 27 possible travelling companions (on top of storyline
    encounters and the Drifters.)
    Let's take a look at them! Yes, all of them.
    Zuzu – I always these guys were supposed to be marionettes without strings, and
    I was right, but apparently they're also small children. And martial artists of
    some description, at that.
    Titch – Another toddler, this one is part of a secret society of preschoolers
    with suitable ambitions of world domination. No joke. His personal pleasure in
    life is annoying adults.
    Cano – The dogs might only be here because there was already a dog sprite with
    animations made for Barkle. It does make sense, though, since guard-dogs are
    real things. This one has an eyepatch.
    Chuckles – Appropriately named, and very forgetful. As you might guess, he's a
    Clown. His title is even 'Clowning Around.'
    Zonma – A somewhat barbarous babe with green hair and skimpy armour. These
    Amazon-like women fight with swords, but personally I don't like them much, as
    their aggressive dispositions and low health tend to get them killed quickly.
    Mike – The Agents are a fairly clear homage to the Agents of The Matrix
    trilogy, which is fine by me, because The Matrix is my favourite film. Even
    their Tingle Chance references their origins, as Tingle flies in like Neo as
    his buddy dispatches their foes with a series of swift sword swipes.
    Generalissimo – Sort of makes me think of Castro, although the terminology
    isn't quite appropriate. I think these guys are supposed to be puppets as well,
    but in any case they play the drums constantly, even, I suspect, mid-battle.
    Which would make sense, given the historical role of military drummers. Kind of.
    Bosco – Bozos be bashed by burly bruiser's bat. Baseball bonanza!
    Mighty Muscles – With possibly the worst name of any bodyguard, Mighty Muscles
    is the first of the Superhero bodyguards. He's blue, and like his cousins, so
    to speak, he bears an image of the Tetraforce on his chest, a roll of
    impeccable blonde hair, and 'arms of steel.' Apparently also a master of bad
    Tonpei – Founder of the marionette martial arts school to which Zuzu
    subscribes. Reportedly has bad footwork. You'll notice a deprecating theme
    throughout much of the bodyguard profiles; most of it comes from the game, not
    Chiro – Elite Member of the same secret society to which Titch claims
    membership. Seems to have a chip on his shoulder, too, since his profile
    specifically claims that he is 'much better than that yellow kid,' i.e. Titch.
    Gnash – Put his preternaturally sharp teeth to use and graduated from the same
    guard-dog school as as Cano. Seriously, why would anyone voluntarily own a dog?
    I've never understood this.
    Scarper – The second Clown, Scarper has a bit of a contradictory profile. It
    first says that he's only PLAYING the Fool, but then goes on to say that while
    he always appears to be in deep thought, he really isn't thinking much of
    anything. So which is it? Looks like he's managed to obfuscate the truth,
    suggesting there's a little more going on behind those blank eyes than he'd
    like you to think. His steadfast refusal to lock horns with an enemy further
    indicates a man who likes to bide his time from the shadows, or at least has an
    unusually strong sense of self-preservation for someone in his profession. It
    also mentions that he is always cheerful, which is good too.
    Victoria – Victoria became an Amazon bodyguard in order to escape the tedium of
    life as a housewife, which is actually kind of heavy if you think about it for
    a minute.
    Johnny – A Wise Agent in practice, and specifically described as being
    extremely intelligent, which should tell you something. My second-favourite
    film is Battle Royale.
    Ernesto – Ernesto 'Che' Guevara reportedly uses his enemies' heads for drumming
    practise because he gets a good sound out of them. Not like Rock Band, which
    just sounds like wood slapping rubber, because that's what it is.
    Cargo – Crunch, crack. Careful, Cargo creates chaos!
    Steroido – His name, of course, simply comes from the Japanization of the word
    'steroid,' those being what he uses to maintain his physique. It does work to
    your advantage, though, as this red-clad Superhero is quite powerful.
    Domingo – An instructor of the marionette arts who is actually stronger than
    its founder. Possibly offset by his short attention span, as his mind wanders
    Dante – I thought the preschoolers were going to introduce us to the Lucius
    DeBeers of their secret society on the Third Continent, but instead we only get
    Morgan Everett. Smart.
    Gixx – A guard-dog, Gixx pulled a Nyaasu and taught himself to speak at night
    school. Ugh, dogs.
    Tumble – Description is so funny I'm just going to copy it verbatim.
    'Everything he does is wrong, which in a sense makes him a genius among his
    fellow clowns...'
    Reddy-Steddy – Let's get started, Reddy-Steddy, go! This Amazon developed the
    patented Battle Diet to keep herself in shape following the end of her
    modelling career. I gather it's less of a diet and more of a diet-and-exercise
    programme. I'm probably right – ah please, trust me!
    Smith – My personal favourite bodyguard, and not just because of the name, but
    also because he's Wise, and because the suit-and-sunglasses-with-sword look
    makes for a really visually interesting juxtaposition. Sadly, Smith is not
    capable of physically transforming into the multiple personalities that inhabit
    his mind. By the way, not only do Agents look the most professional, but they
    also frequently glance from side to side, as a real bodyguard might.
    Third-favourite is a tie between Casablanca and Toukyou Drift; quite a gap in
    quality, I realise.
    Roland – Roland's original Japanese name was Raul, so there you have it. Or
    maybe I'm lying.
    Arizona – Armed, armoured, and aggressive, Arizona attacks aggressively. Ahhh!
    Mr Energy – Again with the idiotic names for Superheroes, though I'm not
    exactly complaining since they're funny. Objectively, this guy is pretty much
    the best normal bodyguard in the game: Large, Wise, and with beefy stats, and
    for a fair price to boot.
    All in all, a pretty eclectic and entertaining bunch. In addition to these,
    there are also three Drifter Bodyguards. After encountering them and satisfying
    certain conditions, you may then meet them randomly in your travels, where you
    can then hire them for exorbitant amounts of Rupees. It's not quite worth it,
    but they do offer more frequent Tingle Chances and have very, very impressive
    stats. However, you can't feed them Tingly or sign a fresh contract with them,
    and once they run out of health or are otherwise compelled to leave, you won't
    be able to re-hire them until you stumble across them again. Each – Teddy Todo,
    Yamori, and Ronny – gets his own profile, because their storylines are slightly
    more involved than 'met him at a bar, offered him a job.'
    B o m b e r s  G a n g
    Elitist kindergartners
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    The Bombers are a gang of rowdy little kids in Majora’s Mask. Four of the five
    members wear blue bandanas; Jim, their leader, distinguishes himself by wearing
    a red one. When Link first approaches them, he’s in Deku Scrub form, so they
    refuse to let him join the gang. However, he agrees to a game of hide and seek
    where the Bombers hide all over Clock Town. When he succeeds (before dawn of
    the Second Day, or else he loses) Jim gives him the password to their ‘secret
    hideout.’ They’re cheaters, too; they run away when Link finds them. Come to
    think of it, Super Mario Galaxy repeats this one as well, with its rabbits.
    Their hideout is really an underground tunnel that travels beneath the walls of
    the town and up into the Astral Observatory, where Professor Shikashi can be
    found gazing up at the stars at night. During the day, you can zoom in on the
    top of the Clock Tower to cause a Moon’s Tear to fall to the ground outside the
    Observatory, which not only plays a part in your first three-day runthrough but
    also kicks off that game’s Trading Game. In Ocarina, Shikashi’s poly was some
    old guy who lived in Kakariko. Bonooru the Scarecrow can be found here, where
    he indirectly teaches the Inverted Song of Time and Song of Double Time.
    The Bombers also give Link the Bombers’ Notebook, since they all have a copy.
    It’s used to keep track of all the people they have helped out in the past, or
    whose troubles they are currently attempting to solve. Mostly, it’s used for
    the player to keep track of the schedules of the multitudinous NPCs who, at
    some point or another, give Link a Happy Mask (and also a handful who don’t.)
    The Bombers had a pseudorenaissance in The Wind Waker, where a gang called the
    Killer Bees hung out in the village square of Windfall Island. They were Ivan,
    the leader, Jin, the advisor, Jan, the thug, and Jun-Roberto, the scheming,
    would-be usurper. They play a minor role in the story, terrorize their teacher,
    and follow Link around whenever he’s in the vicinity. LEAVE ME ALONE, STUPID
    B o s o m  O a k
    Never seen or heard
    Race: Tree
    Appearances: Chinkuru no Baruun Faito
    This is one of the only characters whose information I cannot personally verify
    because I just don't have the motivation to master Tingle's Balloon Fight.
    Apparently, though, the whole reason Tingle is balloon fighting is as a
    challenge to the Bosom Oak. Who or what the hell that is seems not to be
    elaborated upon, though I did complete the game and can confirm that no such
    entity makes an onscreen appearance unless it's in unlockable portrait form.
    Kind of makes me wonder why they bothered with a tenuous backstory at all if
    they're not going to follow through on it. It's not like the game really needed
    or benefits from one.
    B r i d g e – b u i l d e r s
    Flaming family
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeeland
    Tingle RPG is quite clever in the subtle homages it pays to memorable aspects
    of earlier games in the Zelda series, including the Carpenters that originated
    in Ocarina of Time and played a role in several subsequent games. They featured
    a small family business headed by a fatherly foreman who can never convince his
    sons to get any work done, prompting Link to kick them into gear for the two's
    mutual benefit. This can be quite a complex task in the mainline titles, but
    all Tingle has to do is locate an absent bridge, locate the nearby builder, and
    motivate him with increasingly exorbitant amounts of Rupees; you'll be seeing
    numbers well into the thousands by the time you're done. The worker will then
    restore the crossing-place in a matter of seconds, then proceed to bend over
    backwards and thrust his hips into the air in celebration while saying 'boom!
    Boom, boom!'
    Following this, he'll head off in search of another bridge to fix. You might
    begin to realise that is a fairly substantial waste of money, given your
    ability to fly between entire continents makes footbridges somewhat redundant.
    And it should be fairly clear that the three siblings, each of whom tackles a
    different continent, are in it for all the wrong reasons, though they claim to
    be searching for their father, and impressing him with their bridge-reparation
    Each of the brothers wears overalls, shoes, a hardhat, sunglasses, and nothing
    else, and also carries a pickaxe, which seems like an extraordinarily
    inappropriate tool for carpentry. In order of the continent they man, they are
    as follows:
    Duke – With blue overalls and a glorious moustache, Duke might remind you of a
    certain someone else.
    Judge – Bears the coolest name, white overalls, and a striking resemblance to
    Japanese comedian Haado Gei.
    Duko – Wears pink overalls and actually claims to be a girl.
    After you build the final bridge – from Auros Ruins to Fairy Garden – Duko
    announces that all bridges in the world have been repaired, and that he's off
    to search for the trio's father, whom they address as Gaffer, much to his
    annoyance. Pursuing a rumour that he was sighted on 'another continent,' Duko
    (and Tingle) find him on a hitherto inaccessible mini-island just off Sunshine
    Coast. All three of the young'uns have gathered, and, working together, quickly
    build their way over to him. It turns out that they take after him, as he is
    practically their mirror image but for his yellow overalls and dignified beard.
    Though happy to be reunited with his progeny, he is powerfully cross with them
    for having the audacity to charge Rupees for their services, rather than doing
    it for self-improvement and love of the game. He orders them to pay back all
    the Rupees they took from Tingle and add in a little extra for his trouble; he
    can canvass 9,999, 22,222, and 55,555 Rupees from them, respectively. Gaffer
    also offers penance in the form of his Pickaxe (called his Pecker in the
    original Japanese; do with that information what you will), a Rupee Good. The
    four then offer a few more parting hip-thrusts before marching off to their
    next project.
    B r i d g e  W o r k e r
    Bridge worker
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    A skilled carpenter who possesses his own solitary house, rippling muscles, a
    bandana and hammer, a very flat nose and considerable assets in the form of
    debts to him, he is not business-savvy in any special way but certainly doesn’t
    take anything from anybody. That includes the ultra-shrewd and morals-devoid
    Linebeck III. After receiving repayment/payment in the form of a Regal Ring,
    the Bridge Worker fixes the bridge leading from the Forest Realm to the Ocean
    Realm, which is quest-critical. Later he can also be brought to Anouki Village
    to build them a fence to keep out monsters, a project which he undertakes with
    such great care that he makes no progress whatsoever for the entire rest of the
    B r o c c o  a n d  P i n a
    Farmer’s marketers
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    Brocco and Pina each set up opposing vendor stands in Hyrule Castle Town’s
    market square. They consider each other fierce rivals in spite of the fact that
    they sell completely different products, for precisely the reason that they’re
    carrying on a long-standing argument over whether vegetables or fruits are
    superior. (Hint: You need both to not die). Brocco, the man whose hair looks
    like a head of cabbage, subscribes to the former, while Pina, the blonde
    topknot-sporting gal, is a slave to the latter, to the point that ‘she won't
    even sell tomatoes even though they technically ARE fruits. Freak.’ Brocco buys
    the best of Eenie and Meenie’s crops, but Pina’s supplier is unknown. Both are
    viable Kinstone candidates. Late in the game, when the Picori Festival ends,
    they both go away.
    ‘Food’ for thought: In case it wasn’t obvious, Brocco’s name comes from the
    vegetable broccoli, whereas Pina takes hers from the highly fruit pineapple,
    specifically the Italian word for such, just like Pinna Park from Super Mario
    B r o n z i
    Tanuki (Cu + Tn)
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Link finds Bronzi in the Fire Sanctuary suspended over a pool of lava. When
    rescued, Bronzi initially refuses to reward him, but acquiesces when he hears
    of the assistance he earlier rendered unto his older brother Silva, handing
    over the Dungeon Map. Bronzi is distinguished by his unusually large sack.
    According to Fi, he takes great pride in his grill. Like all Mogma, he later
    appears in their home at the foot of the Eldin area. Also like all Mogma, he is
    named after a metal, in this case bronze.
    B u g – C a t c h i n g  K i d
    Pokeball, go! ... ... You caught Beedrill!
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
    A surprisingly mature anklebiter who contracts some kind of mysterious disease,
    likely somehow related to the recent dark doings casting a pall over the
    country, the Bug-Catching Kid gives Link a butterfly net, which he uses to
    catch Bees. Well, to be fair, I guess it is just addressed by the catch-all
    ‘Bug-Catching Net,’ so maybe we’re in the clear. In the epilogue, there’s a
    particular ‘Bug-Catching Kid’ segment that shows him happily frolicking amongst
    the Kakariko Village bugs once again. And the Pokemon series has a Trainer Type
    called Bug Catcher, just thought that needed pointing out.
    B u r i k i
    Friend of Descartes
    Race: Robot
    Appearances: Iroduzki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Buriki is Tingle's second companion on his journey and the least fun to be
    around. He and Kakashi find her on Page 3, where her vehicle, which bears a
    suspicious similarity to a Saiyajin space pod, has crashed in the middle of a
    corn field, trapping Piitaa's tractor. Her body has been flung several yards
    away, where the duo replaces her battery and wakes her up inside, bringing her
    to life. She is, however, less than cooperative at first, as she wishes to
    leave for the City as soon as possible, and has no interest in lollygagging
    around with them in the meantime. Her attempts to resume her journey by air
    fail, however, and they all catch a ride to the edge of the nearby woods. It
    quickly becomes clear that it better serves all their interests if she simply
    cooperates, and they agree to travel together. Like the others, she comes with
    two abilities, but in her case neither comes in handy very often. The first,
    'tanomu' (request or entrust) is simply a strong kick or series of kicks, which
    is kind of boring and redundant given its functional similarity to Raion's
    kairiki ability. The second, 'bunseki' (analysis) yields information on the
    target, which figures into a handful of puzzles but mostly just for your own
    Ever the voice of reason, Buriki is called upon several times to bring the
    feckless Raion to his senses, most notably in Page 8's Gasoringo plant boss
    battle, where she kicks him in his cowering head so that the group can fight
    on. While the other three remain within the liner while riding it, Buriki
    stands on its nose, ever looking stoically ahead and surveying the road before
    them. As Page 9 begins and she observes that Segaare has diverted them off the
    main tracks, she crouches spider-like, sounds a siren, lights the orb on her
    cranium and begins spinning her head around and around; it's simultaneously
    comical and creepy, much to Raion's consternation. Seconds later, Tingle hits
    the brakes, bringing the engine to a stop right in front of a pile of garbage,
    into which Buriki's momentum lodges her. Raion and his colossal strength drag
    most of her out, but her head snaps off, scaring the hell out of him;
    fortunately, it easily reattaches. In order to obtain a passport (sorry,
    Pasupo), all require a shigotoshoumeisho (proof of work certificate); Buriki
    receives her by scanning a ton of newborn chicks and informing their caretaker
    of each's gender.
    Being, after all, no more than a 'tinplate,' Buriki is not at her best when it
    comes to matters of the heart or force of will. When Raion falls off a cliff on
    Page 4 and Tingle and Kakashi are desperately trying to drag him up, she does
    not even act until specifically instructed to. Like all of them, however, she
    gradually learns over the course of the journey, until finally, on Page 13, she
    independently and of her own free will decides to use her own body as a conduit
    between the two sides of a broken power cable. Tingle and Kakashi take the
    repowered elevator up, and she staggers away...only to automatically start
    projecting a hologram of the final message from Dr G, who announces that this
    means she has finally gained feelings. She recovers in time for the final
    battle, rolling in like a Morph Ball to the tune of 'Samus Appears.' I mostly
    forget what we're shown of her in the credits, but I recall that it involves
    her using her bunseki powers for the forces of good.
    B y r n e
    Double-dealing defector
    Race: Lokomo/Demon
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    Surprisingly, Byrne isn’t introduced as a bait-and-switch baddie to be replaced
    by Cole; that would be predictable, right? This goddamn wraith, casting an evil
    aura, possessing a mechanized hand and looking like a Dark Elf Shade from the
    tabletop battle game Warhammer, could sensibly be presented as the game’s main
    antagonist (in addition to Malladus) with the unassuming Chancellor showing his
    true colours at just the right moment. Instead, Zelda wises up immediately,
    Cole makes his move twenty minutes into the game, and Byrne ultimately betrays
    his ostensible master in order to try and snatch Malladus’s power for himself,
    all of which is much more interesting.
    Byrne was born a Lokomo, making him one of the custodians of the new Hyrule. In
    fact, he was reportedly one of the most prodigious Lokomo around, being
    Anjean’s star pupil and a consummate master of nearly all Lokomo skills and
    magics. Unfortunately, the reason for his being only a master of ‘nearly’ all
    Lokomo arcana is that he exhibited a fairly obvious lust for power, which soon
    enough saw him turning his back on the Lokomo path of goodness and transforming
    himself into a Demon. Tempering his newfound demonic faculties with the Lokomo
    techniques of yesteryear, Byrne became one of the more fearsome forces in the
    region. At some point before the start of the game, he fell in with Cole, who
    was working on a scheme to resurrect a dark god and receive some of his power
    in gratitude. Given Byrne’s general attitude towards and lack of respect for
    Cole, it’s safe to say that he intended to betray him from the beginning.
    We first encounter him as part of Zelda’s ill-fated escape attempt, as she
    flees the castle with Link and Alfonzo, bound for the Tower of Spirits, only to
    have the tracks beneath their train dissolve into nothingness, crashing the
    machine irreparably and leading to Zelda being kicked out of her own body.
    You’ll notice that Byrne is definitely along for the intimidation factor here.
    Our intrepid heroes encounter Byrne again in the Tower of Spirits as part of
    the quest to recover the Fire Realm rail map, but Anjean teleports everybody to
    safety before he can do anything problematic. The trick only works once,
    however, as Byrne eventually does force the issue and get the battle he desires
    (and ends up humiliated, of course). One of the most interesting and engaging
    boss battles in the entire Zelda series ensues, as the player must coordinate
    the actions of both Link and the Phantom-possessing Zelda to be successful.
    After unleashing a fusillade of fireballs punctuated with the occasional
    physical attack, Byrne will launch his mechanized gauntlet at Link, who must
    sidestep. The evildoer will be momentarily vulnerable to Zelda’s quick hands,
    which will seize his in a touching display of tenderness, which is to say she
    drags him down from his perch atop the cage in which they’re fighting so that
    Link can run up to him and start attacking him with a bladed weapon. Zelda is
    invincible as always in her ten-ton suit of armour, but I recall that Byrne
    does have a few tricks that she needs to be aware of; maybe he summons mice or
    something. Actually, I think he can stun her for a few seconds. After a few
    rounds of this, Byrne will descend to ground level and start going to town with
    his claws. The trick this time is to interpose Zelda between Byrne and Link,
    initiating a stylus-driven ‘clash’ event which will leave Byrne off-balance if
    won; again, it’s time for some Lokomo Sword action, and after taking so much
    punishment, Byrne eventually falls. This is a really great and fun battle that
    tests your ability to control two characters at once – two characters with not
    only very different features but completely different methods of control as
    well. Very original, although actually it does kind of recall Subarashiki Kono
    Sekai (The World Ends with You). After the battle, there’s a humorous moment as
    Link and Zelda congratulate each other in typical shounen manga style,
    extolling the virtues of their cooperation and trust, only to realise that
    Byrne isn’t even listening and is quickly getting away.
    They aren’t quick enough to catch him before Cole finally succeeds in
    resurrecting Malladus, and as a result, the imp’s gleeful cries are interrupted
    by Byrne violently shoving him out of the way and trying to preempt his power.
    Malladus just laughs and zaps him, which only renews Cole’s amusement as he
    explains that Malladus could never accept anybody who once served the Spirits
    of Light. They’ve been tainted. Cole and Malladus depart on the Demon Train
    while Link, Zelda and Anjean take off in the Spirit Train, dragging Byrne with
    them. He starts to brood over not being good enough for the living embodiment
    of evil to take on as a vassal, and the fact that he’s been taken in by his
    enemies isn't exactly helping his ego. He does impart the information, however,
    that the Demon Train (and thus Cole and Malladus) can be tracked using the
    Compass of Light, which, if you think about it, is generally a nautical device
    and thus something of a throwback to Phantom Hourglass (and The Wind Waker).
    Using this information, the good guys, now plus one, track their foes to the
    Dark Realm, one of the most irritating areas in the entire game, for the final
    Byrne earns his final redemption halfway through the battle with the
    transformed Malladus, blocking the demon king from repossessing Zelda, who has
    regained her body in the course of the fighting. He manages to fend him off
    long enough for Link and Zelda to regroup, but is killed in the process,
    leading to the boss’s final phase. Afterward, it turns out that Byrne wasn’t so
    much killed as he lost his body; he may be just a soul, but no afterlife for
    him just yet. Instead, Anjean uses some more of her ever-handy magic to ensure
    that he’ll walk the earth again someday, though he may not remember of the
    events of his previous life, the whole thing of which is possible foreshadowing
    for a future title (though I somewhat doubt it.) So there you have it, just
    about the only character in the entire Zelda series with an actual character
    C a n n o n
    Subtle, guys
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    If Link explores the world’s one and only specialty Bomb Shop after washing up
    on Windfall Island, he’ll find the going rate set at 10,000 Rupees per Bomb.
    Although they would be a nice little addition to his inventory, he’s slightly
    short, and forced to leave empty-handed, with Cannon’s jeers ringing behind
    him. Both are sound evidence suggesting that Cannon is a really lousy
    businessman, as not only does he charge so much he can’t move any product, but
    he openly insults his would-be patrons as well. Guess he considers himself some
    kind of high-roller. Part of this is somewhat legitimate, as he is the only
    known individual across the Great Sea capable of making Bombs. This cavalier
    attitude, however, is exactly what gets him into trouble with the pirates
    towards the end of the game’s first act, as the brigands, unwilling to pay his
    downright stupid prices, break into his store, tie him up into a squirming
    bundle of flesh and rope, and make off with half his stock. Following this
    encounter, he starts to sell at a more reasonable price and cleans up a bit,
    and even his customer service improves massively.
    C a p t a i n  S t a l f o s
    And Tenneal
    Race: Stalfos
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    When you're the baddest crew around and feared throughout the world, with
    bone-chewing dogs the only creatures capable of striking fear into where your
    hearts used to be, it is, it is a glorious thing. Unfortunately, it's not all
    sunshine coasts and rosy rupeelands for this pirate king. His First Mate
    invites Tingle, an untested stranger, right into the Pirate Hideout in order to
    help them with their business of the day and recover some lost Pirate Items. In
    thanks, Captain Stalfos offers to make him a full-fledged member of the
    pirates...but for that, he first has to be dead! The Captain then tries to kill
    him, thinking he's being helpful, and sallies forth to seek his prey. Tingle
    isn't about to have any of that, obviously, and thus ensues an amusing
    pattern-based, dodge-and-counterattack boss battle that pays homage to the
    original Punch-Out!! for arcade. Even the top screen gets in on the act,
    displaying a hits counter and character portraits that accurately ape the
    grotesque graphics of the source material.
    Following this, the Captain is very apologetic and the ship departs for the
    high seas, and a little later on we encounter the merry band again. Things are
    just getting worse for them, as now genuine monsters have invaded the ship and
    the Captain has gone outright insane, having been possessed by evil or
    something, as people in the Zelda universe are prone to having happen to them.
    After fighting his way through, Tingle must confront the Captain once again;
    this second battle is very annoying and frustrating. It does, however, offer
    him the Bone Ocarina, which allows him to uncover buried pirate treasure and
    summon the pirate ship to any port so that he can do business with Mr Akindo.
    C a p t a i n  K e e t a
    Almost alliterative
    Race: Stalchild
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Captain of the Guard and loyal friend of Igos du Ikana in life, Captain Keeta
    takes on the form of what seems to be a giant Stalchild in death. Then again,
    maybe that’s just how big he was back in the day, and he’s merely been worn
    down to bones-only is all. Either way, he doesn’t even need to be exhumed, his
    remains lying right out in the open on the courtyard wall of Termina’s only
    cemetery. Although quite firmly cemented in and centuries gone, Captain Keeta
    responds favourably to a rousing rendition of the Song of Healing; he awakens,
    casts off his shackles (that is, destroys half the wall and connected bridge),
    postures angrily, and then starts walking off in the general direction of
    Ancient Castle of Ikana. If he gets too far he’ll say something to Igos and
    then disappear, meaning you’ll have to go back in time and try again, always a
    pain. Your job is to chase him down the path, fending off the Stalchildren who
    crop up behind him, making use of the occasional Arrow to thwart his progress
    temporarily. (He spins in a circle, looks at you disapprovingly, spins back,
    and continues on his way.) When you do catch up, a chain of blue fire will trap
    the two of you together in your impromptu arena, at which point it’s a simple
    matter of avoiding his Stalfos-like jumping game and responding with sword
    strikes. This is a bit of a trick if you only have the L-1 Sword, which is not
    only quite weak but, more importantly, has a severe lack of reach. Your reward
    for felling the custodian is his Captain’s Hat, allowing you to adopt your
    erstwhile enemy’s phizog.
    Ikana’s varied undead denizens have quite a number of unique, interesting and
    sometimes bizarre reactions to Link when he dons the Captain’s Hat.
    Stalchildren willingly obey the orders of their commander, allowing Link to
    desecrate the grave of his choice once per night, giving access to a number of
    underground grottos with some decent prizes. The Gibdos will ask for various
    bottled items, providing vague and sometimes outright wrong hints as to what
    they’re after, offering some of their own belongings in return. Igos du Ikana
    himself will even be fooled into thinking he’s been reunited with his old
    friend, but only momentarily; he quickly sees through the ploy and states he
    was much too close to Keeta to be so easily bamboozled. I don’t remember what
    Pamela or her father did, but I’ll bet it was interesting. But my personal
    favourite is the ReDeads, who stop moaning, crank up some music, and break out
    some spontaneous dancing. Specifically, pirhouettes.
    C a r l o v  a n d  B o r l o v
    Figure-loving brothers
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
                 The Minish Cap
    Only Carlov appeared in The Wind Waker. Forest Haven, located in the southeast
    of the Great Sea, is composed of one large island and several smaller ones. One
    of the smaller ones is accessible by standing in your boat, using a Hyoi Pear
    to take control of a seagull, and flying up to hit a switch near the top of the
    main island; this drops a ladder that gives you access to a steel hatch like
    you might find on the surface of a submarine.
    Inside is the Nintendo Gallery, though the only displays are of characters and
    creatures from The Wind Waker. If Link obtains the Deluxe Pictograph – which is
    an entire side-quest of its own – he can take colour photos, which he can then
    present to Carlov. If it’s taken with the subject in the middle, is well
    balanced, and isn’t too blurry, Carlov will spend the next three days sculpting
    a fabulously detailed figurine of whatever the subject was. All figurines he
    makes will be put on display in one of several rooms in the Nintendo Gallery.
    There are 133 figurines, so getting them all is quite a feat, and one that
    doesn’t serve any purpose, so completing it is more a matter of pride, like
    collecting all 120 Stars in Super Mario 64.
    Strangely, if you present Carlov with a picture of himself, he doesn’t
    recognize the subject, and will marvel at his own fashionable (?) hairstyle and
    waxen skin. ...But each figurine comes with a description, and Carlov’s
    figurine’s description references him by name, but was clearly not written by
    Carlov. Umm...
    Carlov serves a similar role in The Minish Cap, but his place is much easier to
    access – it’s in town, and Link can enter it easily once he’s grabbed a certain
    dungeon item. This time, however, you collect figurines by random lottery,
    though you can only get figurines whose real-life models you’ve already come
    into contact with. There are 136 of these.
    Carlov’s younger brother Borlov, who looks exactly like him, has opened a shop
    in The Minish Cap (though he wasn’t anywhere in Waker.) This is sort of a
    retread of Old Man’s money making game from the first Zelda, though he doesn’t
    sell his product very well, dissuading you from attempting it several times
    throughout its explanation.
    C a r p e n t e r s
    Lumberjacks’ raison d’etre
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Ages
                 The Minish Cap
    For minor characters, they sure got a lot of exposure. Characters who debuted
    in Ocarina of Time have all the luck.
    We’ve got Mutoh, Ichiro, Jiro, Sabooru and Shiro.
    Speaking of Ocarina, their activities in that game vary depending on which
    timeframe you’re in. As child Link, Kakariko Village is still under
    construction, and you can see them working on a few buildings. By the time
    you’re an adult, they’re complete; they all become houses, I believe.
    By the time you’re in adult form, the bridge connecting Gerudo Valley to Hyrule
    Field has been smashed to splinters. The carpenters were contracted to repair
    it, but made the mistake of trying to join the Gerudo tribe. Even Jim Caruk
    knows better than to bother the neighbours. This prompted the Gerudo to capture
    them and toss them in various cells throughout the fortress, guarded by the
    orange-clad Gerudo elites. The foreman, Mutoh, asked Link to rescue them, after
    which they were able to rebuild the bridge.
    In Majora’s Mask, they spent most of their time in South Clock Town, crawling
    around the scaffolding and hitting things with their hammers. (That’s what the
    weird tap-tap-tap-tap-tap noise is. It took me a while to figure that one out.)
    They are in the midst of an argument with the Town Watch, whose captain asserts
    that it is smartest to flee, while Mutoh the Foreman maintains that this kind
    of thinking is pure cowardice and foolishness. In the end, the other carpenters
    take off, and the Foreman is left standing in front of the Clock Tower yelling
    defiantly at the Moon. He fully believes that everything will be fine when it
    They are once again slacking off in Oracle of Ages’ prelude to Level 4, Skull
    Dungeon. Link finds the Foreman and he explains that his workers haven’t shown
    up. Link has to search them out and lay down the law. The terrain will be
    different depending on whether he has Ricky, Moosh or Dimitri as his animal
    partner. After Link puts them all back to work, they finish the bridge that
    leads to Symmetry City.
    No such disciplinary problems exist in The Minish Cap, where they do whatever
    their boss tells them. They complain about it a lot, though. Their main purpose
    is to block off parts of the world with refuse for the first part of the game,
    blocking off areas the game’s developers didn’t want Link to visit too early.
    They slowly clear it away, build two houses in Hyrule Castle Town, and then
    take some time off.
    C a w l i n  a n d  S t r i c h
    Gratitude facilitators
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Second-tier bullies with secretly kind hearts, Cawlin and Strich are completely
    loyal to their leader, Groose. Not only do they follow his every command
    unquestioningly, but when Groose falls into a depression following Zelda's
    disappearance they seem genuinely concerned. Although they do some jerkish
    things and tend to talk down to Link even after he is promoted above them, as
    we will see they are not really bad people.
    Cawlin – Haha, oh Cawlin. Short, fat, hair as black as his Loftwing, Cawlin has
    a crush on Karane, but can't work up the courage to deliver his Love Letter to
    her. Instead, he tries to get Link to do it for him, and if he properly
    delivers it she does consider it. However, Karane ultimately decides to confess
    her mutual feelings for Pipit, a fellow Knight Academy student, and despite his
    initial cowardice Cawlin bursts in and declares his love for Karane. Though
    she's flattered, she still goes for Pipit, and Cawlin leaves crying, spending
    the rest of the game heartbroken. If, on the other hand, you ignore his
    specific instructions not to give the Love Letter to ???, the disembodied hand
    who lives in the Academy toilet and needs some paper, she will think the letter
    was meant for her and begin spending each night caressing Cawlin's ear while he
    sleeps, a fate that will torture him for the rest of his days, as he sleeps
    poorly and awakens each morning with a distinct sense of unease whose source he
    cannot discern. Either way you'll get a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals,
    either from ??? or from Karane. Also, no matter who wins at love, Cawlin loses,
    a position with which I can somewhat sympathize.
    Strich – Astride his green loftwing, Strich patrols Skyloft in search of
    interesting bugs. Collecting and displaying them is his hobby, which is
    actually really morbid. For most of the game he hangs around the Lumpy Pumpkin
    by day, but by night he is found in his room and is willing to buy certain bugs
    Link may have collected in his travels. However, the meagre profits don't
    justify the inconvenience of having to search for a specific bug if you need it
    for a Potion and run out because you sold some of them (for that reason, don't
    ever sell him a Sand Cicada.) Once the Thunderhead becomes a little safer, he
    founds Bug Island, a fairly large playground-type area where he runs a
    bug-collecting minigame. You don't get to keep any bugs, but can win Rupees. He
    also comes across Beedle's rare Horned Colossus Beetle, which he'll give to you
    (so that you can return it) if you earn his respect as a fellow bug-collector
    by beating a special version of his game. For some reason, he's kept the Horned
    Colossus Beetle alive, which is fortunate since it's Beedle's pet, and
    returning it to him in some other condition would likely elicit a rather
    different reaction.
    C h a n c e l l o r  C o l e
    Secret subversive
    Race: Demon
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    When Zelda covertly whispers, ‘Beware of the Chancellor,’ she isn’t kidding.
    Far from merely being an outwardly suave bureaucrat who is actually rather
    slimey, he turns out to be much more dangerous than the Princess anticipated.
    As we soon learn, his reason for wearing two different-sized top hats is not
    that he has a penchant for the outrageous but rather that he is a demon whose
    fat head supports two different-sized horns; this may also account for how
    incredibly short he is (I mean the demonism, not the fact that he has horns.)
    He masquerades as Zelda’s loyal underling for a matter of years, gradually and
    subtly extending tendrils of power throughout the land while doing everything
    he can to stunt that of the sovereign. When he has something he needs done that
    he can’t do himself, he employs Byrne, his power-hungry and more battle-ready
    subordinate who plans to overcome him sooner or later.
    All of this is done in a very grand attempt at reviving the ancient demon king,
    Malladus, who reigned at the time of her grandmother’s arrival, and whose
    bonds, the Spirit Tracks, are rapidly disappearing thanks to Cole’s dedicated
    work. When Zelda finally manages to sneak out from under him one day thanks to
    Link’s help, she forces his hand; he and Byrne ambush the party’s train,
    destroy the tracks leading to the Tower of Spirits, and, in a neon coup d’etat,
    rip her very spirit from her body, as he does so happening to mention (for no
    real reason) that the latter is necessary for Malladus’s resurrection. He
    breaks the Tower of Spirits while he’s doing all of this, removes practically
    all remaining Spirit Tracks from the face of the land, and then takes off to
    begin the ritual.
    We don’t see him over the course of four dungeons, as we race to restore
    Malladus’s shackles. When we finally catch up to him, Malladus’s resurrection
    is already well underway, and we arrive just in time to see him take over
    Zelda’s body. Byrne kneels before Malladus and asks him for a fraction of his
    power, but both Malladus and Cole immediately reject him. Cole once again
    summons his Demon Train, and once again completely disappears for another long
    stretch of game.
    Link and Zelda’s next encounter with Cole is their last. Pursuing him into the
    Dark Realm, they find him and Malladus riding atop the Demon Train. While Zelda
    rushes forward to reclaim her body, Cole tries to fend her off by shooting mice
    at her. Link’s job is to keep them from hitting their mark, but if they do,
    Cole will take control of Zelda by magical marionette strings and begin to not
    only swing the Phantom’s sword at him, but also walk towards him and away from
    Malladus, causing you to lose huge amounts of progress with each failed attempt
    to sever the strings. This makes Cole by far the most aggravating final boss
    character in the series if nothing else. Following Zelda’s body reclamation,
    Malladus will see not much recourse and eat his loyal follower, who screams for
    mercy but ends up possessed anyway. Nintendo can be uncharacteristically
    frickin’ harsh sometimes. The form Malladus assumes here retains his own blue
    but appears like a sort of extrapolated, more demonic version of Cole, mainly
    in the horns. He claims that although he can’t correctly interface with Cole’s
    body (it not being quite so special as Zelda’s) and will be forced out soon,
    he’ll have destroyed the world by the time that happens. Link and Zelda aren’t
    about to have any of that, so they stab Cole’s monstrous form in the head with
    the Lokomo Sword, killing both him and Malladus in so doing. I’m telling you,
    uncharacteristically harsh.
    C h a r l o
    Because you can never have too many people asking you to give them money
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Twilight Princess had all kinds of characters that would have gone unnamed in
    previous instalments due to their overall uselessness, but are out with
    full-force monikers here. This really gums up the works with unnecessary
    entries, all the more so when I feel the need to pontificate about the
    situation. Charlo is the robed pastor-looking guy in West Hyrule Castle Town
    who asks you for Rupees, apparently for a Hyrule restoration project in the
    wake of twilit destruction or something along those lines. For the longest time
    I thought Aonuma and the gang were just scamming me, but actually after you
    contribute 1000 Rupees your generosity, patience and dedication will be
    rewarded with a Heart Piece.
    C h e f  B e a r
    What was that sound?
    Race: Bear
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    Owning what may be a small restaurant in Animal Village (the only one, if
    that’s what it is), Chef Bear dons an apron and chef’s hat to tend what looks
    like either pots of soup or jars of honey. Although her culinary specialties
    are unknown, her preferences are not, because everyone knows that all bears
    have an insatiable lust for honey. In exchange for the Honeycomb that Tarin
    knocked out of a tree with a Stick, which he immediately regretted doing as the
    swarm set in, Chef Bear gives Link a Pineapple. No one knows if Chef Bear is
    male or female, but I’ve always assumed she’s a guy.
    C h r i s  H o u l i h a n
    Justin Bailey
    Race: ...
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
    Chris Houlihan is a real person. He won a contest in Nintendo Power in which
    the winner would be put in the next Zelda game. And he’s there, but if you
    played the game, you probably never even noticed him; he’s a little out of the
    way, as you might expect. The secret is to cause a malfunction in your SNES
    cart. Chris Houlihan’s room is there as crash protection. If you enter a door
    or fall through a hole or otherwise do something that will take you to a new
    screen, and your game glitches out, you’ll appear in Chris Houlihan’s room.
    There’s a few ways to do this that I’ve looked up but won’t detail here for
    reasons of concision and topicality, but I’m sure you can open a new tab and
    find them for yourself without much difficulty.
    You can also enter his room by means placed in the game intentionally, by
    starting at either the Sanctuary or the easternmost edge of Kakariko Village
    and then using the Pegasus Boots to run nonstop to the hole you fell into at
    the beginning of the game (shortly before encountering your dying uncle.)
    Except you won’t fall into there, you’ll fall into Chris Houlihan’s Room.
    It’s just a little cave with a bunch of Rupees and a Sahasrahla tablet on the
    north wall, but it’s one weird secret. If you use the tablet Chris Houlihan
    announces himself and basically tells you that you’ve broken into his house.
    And with those two lines of dialogue, he somehow gets a profile. Does that
    REALLY count as a character? Guess so.
    What I want to know is, what’s the deal with the Japanese version of the game?
    Did Japan have its own winner, or does Chris appear internationally? That’d be
    a little strange, to have an American appear in the Japanese version, though I
    guess it wouldn’t be out of place since all the names in that game are foreign
    anyway. While we’re on the subject, does Chris appear in other localizations,
    such as maybe the Brazilian version? Does he have the same name, is his room
    even accessible?
    C h r i s t i n e
    Race: Goat
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    Also known as Miss Goat (the name that is eternally branded into my own
    memory), Christine is a young woman living in Animal Village who is pen pals
    with a man named Mr Write who lives near Goponga Swamp. But the bond they share
    runs far deeper than the fact that they’re both named after their defining
    characteristics; they’re wildly in love. Link gives the insufferable narcissist
    a hibiscus to win her favour, and as a reward she sends him on an errand - this
    is exactly the sort of woman that I always end up going for in real life -
    giving him a letter and a picture of Princess Peach to deliver to Mr Write.
    This of course all works out for Link in the end, because it’s part of the
    all-important Trading Game, but when Mr Write, upon seeing the photograph,
    declares that the time has come for him to finally meet this beauty in person
    and hastens to make travel preparations, I’m afraid I kind of have to worry for
    the couple’s future.
    C h u d l e y
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Eponymous owner and operator of Chudley’s Fine Goods and Fancy Trinkets
    Emporium, a small shop in the eastern block of Hyrule Castle Town’s market
    square, Chudley is a snivelling elitist with a very strange sense of fashion.
    In order to so much as gander at his horrifically overpriced merchandise, one
    must endure endure the simpering comments he showers on customers he does not
    deem worthy, and that’s only after passing a careful inspection from the
    doorman ensuring that the grubby don’t come in to sully the wares. That would
    ruin the experience for paying customers, since the whole setup is designed to
    offer the sense of partaking in a level of classiness that commoners can only
    dream of. Speaking of paying customers, that’s one thing that Link can never be
    while within the embrace of the Emporium, because every single item costs more
    than the entire capacity of the largest wallet he can obtain. Almost every
    single one is a perfectly everyday thing that can be found at any store
    anywhere, but Chudley talks them up like they’re the most amazing incredible
    magnificent things he’s ever seen.
    He doesn’t get very far with this, however; after being donated incredibly
    massive amounts of Rupees, Malo fixes the eastern Hyrule Castle Town bridge,
    establishes a supply convoy route from there to Kakariko, and promptly buys out
    the Emporium. Good riddance. The lot becomes a new Malo Mart location, and its
    gracious new management puts on a grand opening sale that lasts until the end
    of the game, with everything in stock on for half price. This means that
    running down to the corner for a bundle of Arrows sets you back naught but
    pocket change, though as always it’s still cheaper to just run around any
    outdoor area cutting things up with your sword for a while. Of course, this
    also puts the Magic Armour down to a cool 598 Rupees, well within Link’s
    budget, but anyway, none of this directly relates to Chudley.
    Chudley discards his old garb in favour of something more stylish and
    apparently changes his name to Malver, now manager of Malver’s Marvelous
    Market. Though his moustache-grooming techniques remain as questionable as
    ever, his customer service skills have skyrocketed, perhaps due to some
    coaching from the always-honest Malo. As if that weren’t enough of an
    improvement, Malver has also learned some sweet new dance moves that he busts
    out in synchronus with his fellow employees, all to the tune of the supersweet
    Malo Mart melody.
    C i e l a
    Pretty down-to-earth for a goddess
    Race: Fairy
    Apearances: Phantom Hourglass
    In the first DS Zelda title, series director Aonuma Eiji professed a desire for
    a fully stylus-driven Link. I’m not exactly sure why, but he apparently felt it
    would be helpful to include an onscreen cursor. I find this sort of unnecessary
    since you can obviously see your physical stylus, but it does add character to
    what you’re doing, and blossomed into Ciela.
    As fairies go, she doesn’t measure up to the N64 legends, but she has sort of a
    mixture of Navi’s purity and Tatl’s spunk. She does admirably fulfil the role
    of Link’s voice, always maintaining a level head even in dire circumstances and
    trading barbs with Linebeck during intermissions. On top of that, of course,
    she performs the usual mechanic-explaining and puzzle-pondering we get from all
    of Link’s allies. And on top of that she makes the incredibly slick
    contribution of wielding Link’s Hammer. This enables him to make punishing
    blows at range all over the damn place, with just a simple tap on the touch
    However, thanks to the battle with Bellum prior to PH’s opening, Ciela finds
    herself reduced to the powers of an ordinary fairy with all her memories wiped.
    She’s still the same rambunctious, dutiful cowgirl she always was, though, so
    when she sees an opportunity to help out ‘Grandpa Oshus,’ she won’t take no for
    an answer. Oshus eventually relents and Ciela sets off with Link and Linebeck,
    unknowingly on a quest to rescue her brother and sister. This all goes
    smoothly, but when they locate the third spirit, they find it an unresponsive
    shell. Everyone is thoroughly confused by this, except for Oshus, who explains
    what’s really going on and re-fuses Ciela’s conscious half and the part
    containing her power and memories that had been ripped out of her. Ciela
    awakens as the Spirit of Courage and the three are reunited in solidarity.
    At this point Ciela doesn’t become any more useful or anything, but the second
    arc of the story does kick off here. Ciela sticks it through right until the
    final battle, where she proves her worth by harnessing the power of the Phantom
    Sword (forged from the three Pure Metals and the Phantom Hourglass) and giving
    Link the ability to temporarily stop time, allowing him to attack Bellum. In
    the last stage of the battle, Bellum hijacks her, but Link manages to knock her
    from his grasp. Ciela then shows one final useful ability: Since Bellum can
    only be damaged when his eye is open, and his eye is on his back, she displays
    it on the DS’s top screen, so that Link knows when the time is right to attack.
    With her help, Link is able to slay Bellum and rid the Ocean King of his
    Bellum-related ailments.
    But with that done, their time together is over, and Oshus uses his newly
    restored power to heal the bestoned Tetra, then teleport her and Link far away
    and back onto the deck of their ship. Link and Ciela will never meet again. It
    was all so sudden, wasn’t it?
    C o b a l
    Secretive political organization (Co)
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Although Cobal is technically Ledd's partner, it feels a bit strange to call
    him that since Ledd is much more assertive and always the one getting things
    done while Cobal hangs back and worries about him. To his credit, however,
    Cobal does have a pretty cool hairstyle. We encounter the dynamic duo a few
    times together, up until the Earth Temple, when they become separated, and
    after which Cobal is barely seen again.
    C o m p o s e r  B r o t h e r s
    Ghostly musicians
    Race: Poes
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
    The Composer Brothers are a little confusing. Based on Ocarina of Time’s
    cemetery, one would expect them to be Hylians, but Majora’s Mask shows them to
    be Poes. Hmm.
    Anyway, in Ocarina of Time they are only mentioned when you find the notes for
    the Sun’s Song. They mention that they, the Composer Brothers, wrote it.
    Anna Bare has this to say:
    'I haven't played Ocarina of Time in a while, but I was almost certain that you
    can "fight" the Composer Brothers, Flat and Sharp. I can't remember if you have
    to be young or old Link (I think young), but if you go to the Graveyard in
    Kakariko and examine each of the two gravestones on both sides of the big grave
    (the one you blow up), the Brother is summoned and you can “fight” him.' Joao
    Paulo Hoppe confirms, adding that when defeated they talk about their lives and
    the Sun’s Song. The Platinum Knight says something similar. Well, I guess
    that’s settled.
    They reappear in Majora’s Mask, at the top of Ikana Canyon. We learn here that
    their names are Flat and Sharp, which, if you don’t know, are two kinds of
    musical notes (hitting F-sharp when the composition calls for F-flat is a major
    performance blunder that will cost you much respect, or so children’s shows
    would have me believe.) Sharp has tried to restore Ikana, the dead kingdom, to
    its former splendour, but has inadvertently made it even worse than before. As
    a result of his deal with Skull Kid, not only have the dead risen, but his
    brother Flat has been imprisoned. In the process, Sharp has also been
    corrupted. Flat is still fundamentally good, whereas Sharp tries to kill Link
    and stands a good shot at it. However, a quick rendition of the Song of Healing
    soothes his confused, battered soul. The brothers teach Link the quest-critical
    Song of Storms before departing for the next world.
    C o r o
    Shinoda Cycle supplier
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    ‘Coro’ sounds like some kind of low-quality industrial manufacturer from the
    mid- to late-90’s or something. I’m sure I’ve heard it.
    The subject of this distorted memory most likely has no relation to Coro from
    Twilight Princess, the younger brother of Iza and older brother of Hena. He
    makes his home in the woods where he brews Lantern Oil. He sells not only oil,
    which comes in a Bottle that you can later use for other things (love those
    Bottles, yeah?), and is even kind enough to straight-up give away the Lantern
    itself. Thunder Wave, Confuse Ray, Surf, Thunderbolt; that’s what I always ran
    on my Parafusion Lanturn. He provides Link with the key to the Forest Temple as
    well. Sadly, he is something of a black sheep in his family, as his fishing
    prowess is shameful in comparison to that of his sisters and of their ancient
    ancestor, the guy from Ocarina of Time’s Fishing Hole. On the other hand, he
    does have an afro, which always ups coolness by a factor of 4.6, although in
    this case its coolness is somewhat diminished by the fact that it is literally
    a bird’s nest. There’s a picture of him in Hena’s Fishing Hole.
    Ah! It wasn’t a manufacturer at all. I was thinking of CoroCoro Comics.
    C r a z y  T r a c y
    ‘Crazy’ in this game? You’ve got a long way to go, darling
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    I don’t know, guys, I think Crazy Tracy is pretty cute. I mean she’s got those
    little button eyes and that long, bouncy black hair and that huge red bow on
    her head. I mean it just, it suits her somehow. She also seems to keep a pet
    rat, which isn’t cute, but not like there’s a problem with that or anything.
    Sweetheart spends her free time brewing Secret Medicine, which, like its
    counterparts in other games, fully restores Link’s hearts should he at any time
    run out. As a little bonus, she’ll also restore all of Link’s hearts upon
    purchase, though unlike in Zelda II, this happens on-camera, so we can’t make
    childish jokes about it. Conveniently, these services are quite easy to access:
    If you play Manbo’s Mambo outdoors, you’ll immediately teleport to the pond in
    her backyard (such as it is), which makes me really wonder just what kind of
    magical-properties schwerve is going on with that thing. Maybe she makes her
    Medicine out of the water?
    Given the fact that half the cast of Link’s Awakening come from other games,
    it’s fitting that Crazy Tracy herself appeared in an another game. It’s funny
    because she was almost LA’s only original character. Captain*Rainbow, a
    Nintendo-published carnival of obscure references, features not only Crazy
    Tracy, but Birdo, Little Mac, Mappo from GiFTPiA, Drake Redcrest from
    Chibi-Robo, and Lip from Panel de Pon. It features protagonist Nick and his
    adventures on Mimin Island as he uses his sentai-like powers of superhero
    transformation to regain his lost popularity (lol, he’s a new property, when
    was he ever popular in the first place?). Progressing in vaguely episodic
    fashion, Nick helps the slew of referential characters he encounters fulfill
    their deepest desires. Condescending and oversexed, Tracy in particular is a
    mild fanservice character who wants to enslave all the men of the world and
    have them come to her mansion to fawn about her throne. I don’t know, I didn’t
    quite get that vibe from her in LA.
    She lives in a sizeable mansion located dead centre in the middle of Mimin
    Island. Portraits of Mario and Link hang over her throne, but her current
    target is Takamaru, a samurai living on the island's west end who hails from
    Nazo no Murasamejou, which plays like the first Zelda game if it were pure
    action. Though skilled in the ways of the blade and dreaming of becoming the
    best in the world, Takamaru is hopeless when it comes to women. After teaching
    Nick to meditate, it transpires that one of the Mimin (little rabbit-like
    creatures that inhabit and power the island) accidentally cuts the ear off
    another. Since Tracy is, after all, an apothecary, they decide to take the
    matter to her. Before she'll even listen to Nick, he must pass a quiz featuring
    idiotically specific questions about the island, at which point Tracy will
    acknowledge that, although a man, he may not be completely useless. She follows
    that up by telling him that Takamaru should come to her directly, since it's he
    who wants the medicine. Takamaru requires a lot of practise, and with the help
    of his sword-training dummy and a bra stolen from Tracy's dresser, he is able
    to begin conquering his fear of women. After a round of meditation – which
    involves holding down A, B, C, Z, 1, 2, and D-pad up, one by one,
    simultaneously – he is able to talk to her. He must then work up the courage to
    climb up the stairs against the power of her womanly scent, and requires Nick
    to give him a quick bump every time he begins to succumb. Eventually, after one
    final meditation, Takamaru is able to apologize (I think? I'm not clear on this
    part), and Tracy commands him to kiss her shoe. He moves to do it, and she
    stops him at the last second, satisfied that he was able to throw away his
    pride. Nick obtains Tracy's friendship bond, Takamaru's portrait appears above
    her throne, and she lets Nick into the path to the storeroom, which requires
    him to go through three hallways and pick the correct of three doors at the end
    of each one, at which point he FINALLY obtains the medicine. When you send
    Tracy away from the island, she admits that she may have been wrong about men
    in general, even if she still intends to enslave them all, and finally says
    that her experiences with Takamaru have probably made her a little more mature.
    Her final appearance is in the credits, where she shows up with everybody else
    whom Nick sent away, and presumably they all fly away together on the last star.
    C r o o
    Lover of life
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Croo is a lively, kind old man who offers to buy you a drink if you'll sit and
    chat with him. This is probably the single most effective way to get a young
    man to sit and chat with you in the entire world. Sometimes he has useful
    information or interesting musings to share, too. Croo is eminently proud of,
    and responds quite well to praise for, his grandson, who is one of the Skyloft
    Knights who rescue and then scold people who fall off the edge. Strange then
    that Parrow didn't go to Croo's grandson when his sister disappeared, and
    instead waited around for Link to show up, which might not have been for days.
    C u b u s  S i s t e r s
    Race: Poes
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    After traversing several dangerous dungeons and rescuing the Spirits of Power,
    Wisdom and Courage from their monstrous jailers, Link is finally able to track
    down the Ghost Ship that took off with Tetra at the beginning of Phantom
    Hourglass. Leaping aboard, he swiftly makes for its darkest and most
    treacherous bowels, only to come across, of all the random things, a sweet
    little girl. She wears a red riding hood, actually. She quickly explains that
    her three sisters have gone and gotten lost elsewhere within the ship, and
    she’s too afraid to go and find them herself. But look! Here’s Link, the
    prophesied hero whom she somehow eerily knows all about, so won’t he please go
    and retrieve them? Oh, come on. Of course he will, Link can’t refuse a request
    for help from anybody.
    So he trundles off into the creaking abyss, and in short order he finds the
    second sister and manages to convince her to follow. As it turns out, though,
    his charges are some of the most uncooperative he’s ever had. Like other people
    he’s had to escort in the past, not only do they freak out when monsters are
    around and become useless until he kills them – which is acceptable – but, like
    Zelda in the escape sequence of Ocarina of Time, they get frightened if you
    WALK TOO FAST. They have trouble keeping pace with Link, so you really have to
    be careful not to let them fall behind and start cowering, or they’ll start
    fussing and you’ll have to talk to them to calm them down and continue the
    journey. It’s a little more of a pain than it would otherwise be, too, since
    they’re not as mobile as Link either, unable to hop chasms or do much of
    anything other than waddle, really. On top of that, they scream. And we all
    know how Phantoms and Reaplings react when they hear loud noises. They teleport
    on top of your face.
    As if all that weren’t enough, they give bad advice too. They instruct Link not
    to hit the Reaplings in their sternal weak points, for example, and when they
    reach a set of two chests, the third sister warns Link not to open the left
    chest, because it’s a trap, while the right one holds a treasure. I totally
    called her on this, but figured nah I’m being paranoid and opened the
    right-hand one anyways. This was a mistake. It summoned another Reapling.
    She tries to apologize and be all cute, but there’s a hint of joyous malice in
    her tone somehow (even without VA.) By this point, it’s likely becoming clear
    what’s really going on, given how unhelpful they’ve been. When Link finally
    reunites all four sisters, they end their little game and begin another one,
    assuming their true forms as Poe-like creatures (fitting that Poes would be the
    bosses of the GHOST Ship), not unlike the Little Women of OoT. The Diabolical
    Cubus Sisters then proceed to attack in a manner usually reserved for
    Ganondorf, Vaati or individuals under their control (Agahnim, Phantom Ganon,
    etc), which is to say they fire balls of coloured energy at Link that he must
    deflect by batting them away with his sword. As is customary, the paths of his
    bunts has nothing to do with where on the sword it connects, or the angle of
    his weapon, or even the direction he’s facing. Just to make things more
    interesting, they shoot laser beams out of their eyes. O.O Anyway, if you keep
    repelling their energy balls they’ll start to screw up and eventually miss; two
    impacts is enough to down a sister. The battle intensifies when Link narrows
    the field down to just the eldest, green-cloaked sister, as she starts to fire
    all kinds of projectiles including energy balls that can’t be reflected in any
    way, which could potentially lead to a Touhou-level Charlie Foxtrot of stuff
    flying around trying to kill you. So hey yeah, after the final sister tastes
    her own medicine three times – which makes me question why she would fire the
    reflectable energy ball at all instead of keeping with her unpunishable attacks
    – she falls to the ground, surrenders the Ghost Key that allows access to
    stoned Tetra, and disintegrates as so many Zelda bosses do.
    C u c c o  L a d y
    Perhaps Zyrtec would help
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 The Minish Cap
    The residents of Kakariko Village are known for being a little...off beat. The
    Cucco Lady does nothing to tarnish its reputation. (‘Sell me something with C
    guy’ is also up there.) The Cucco Lady raises Cuccos even though she’s
    allergic; that’s why she’s sneezing all the time. I think she does it because
    her grandmother raised Cuccos or something. She can’t even keep all the Cuccos
    in the pen, and enlists Link to gather them all up. His reward is an Empty
    Bottle. Her avian escapees cause similar problems in The Minish Cap, and Link
    is again called into action, but this time has a few differences: The Cuccos
    run away (requiring the Pegasus Boots for the squirellier ones), the game is
    played over several rounds, and for some reason, it’s timed.
    D a l t u s
    One King of Hyrule
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    The Minish Cap-era King of Hyrule. He is quite tall and obese, and he wears a
    long red robe, and he’s rendered in the GBA’s version of cel-shading, and thus
    he bears a striking resemblance to Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule. He reportedly was a
    great swordsman in his youth, and fought to a draw with Link’s uncle Smith one
    year at the Picori Festival. He’s become a huge wimp since then, since the most
    initiative he takes when his own daughter is kidnapped is to tell his guards to
    look for her and assign Link a few special missions that will hopefully lead to
    her recovery.
    He apparently does a not-bad job at ruling Hyrule, however, as his subjects
    seem pretty happy. Minister Potho, who looks like a flea, assists him in this
    endeavour. Mayor Hagen takes care of Hyrule Castle Town itself.
    D a m p e
    Insert lame joke about ‘digging’ graves
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 The Minish Cap
    The Kakariko Village Graveyard is located just behind the village itself. This
    is the final resting place of all Kakariko and Hyrule Castle Town citizens.
    Those who swore fealty to the Hylian Royal Family long ago get special lots.
    Towards the very back, with a headstone that’s taller than you are, is the
    Royal Tomb. Link can enter the tomb and wander around in it, and for some
    reason a song written by the Composer Brothers is down there. In adult form,
    Link will be harassed by Poes. A little kid wanders around, because he likes it
    there, but complains that nobody thinks he’s scary because he’s too cute.
    Dampe is the gravekeeper.
    He’s an ugly, short, hunched-over guy who looks like he was hit in the side of
    the face with a sledgehammer. He always wears black robes, and he carries
    around a shovel and lantern.
    If Link knocks on his door during the daytime, he’ll get yelled at – Dampe is
    working the graveyard shift, after all (true historical term), and he needs his
    beauty sleep. At night, though, he runs the Heart-Pounding Grave-digging Tour,
    where he’ll follow Link around the cemetery and dig wherever he tells him to,
    for 10 Rupees each time. Good luck will yield some nice prizes, like a Heart
    Seven years later, he’s died. The little kid takes over and Dampe gets his own
    tomb. If Link finds it, he can enter and meet Dampe’s ghost. Dampe had a cool
    springy toy when he was alive, and he’ll give it to Link if he can keep up with
    him as he speeds through the adjacent tombs, dropping fire from his lantern.
    The toy is actually the Hookshot, probably the coolest item in video game
    history, no exaggerations. It shoots a pointed wedge with a chain attached,
    allowing Link to cross gaps, hit stuff from afar, grab hard-to-reach items and
    attack enemies. It got screwed over in The Wind Waker, though. If Link keeps up
    in a second, harder race, he’ll get a Piece of Heart.
    He plays a similar roll in Majora’s Mask as groundskeeper of Ikana Graveyard,
    but his attendance is inverted. The Stalchildren come out at night, and they
    scare him, so he can be found only during the day. If Link wears the Captain’s
    Hat, which makes him look like the leader of the Stalchildren, he’ll cry that
    they’ve started coming out in the daytime too, and run away screaming.
    He once again reprises his role in The Minish Cap, where he tends Royal Valley.
    All he does is give Link a key and help him reach the end of the segment, but
    at least this time he isn’t afraid of something that comes with the job.
    D a n  a n d  J o n
    Dungeon Masters
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Iroduki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    I'm not actually into D&D, myself, but Dan and Jon are certainly into making
    labyrinths for players to make their way through. Tingle and his group travel
    into the imposing temple behind Aomono Village, cross a lake in a rickety old
    boat, and approach an ominous cave...and upon entering, find it well-lit and
    fully furnished, with two guys hanging out inside. Dan sports a pompadour and
    Mario-mushroom shirt, while Jon is a blonde painter. It would seem that Jon is
    more creative while Dan runs the business, a sort of Donald Draper and Roger
    Sterling type of relationship.
    Together, their name is a pun on 'danjon,' or 'dungeon,' and that is exactly
    what you can come for: A series of touch-screen powered mazes for you to run
    around in, picking up coins while avoiding monsters. If you do run into a
    monster, you'll be forced to play rock-paper-scissors; losing will cost you up
    to 30 seconds, while winning will gain you only five. However, each time you
    collect a coin you have a chance of earning a bonus, including additional
    coins, a map of the current floor, or 15 more seconds. I once managed to get
    through one of the expert courses, collecting 100 coins, starting with five
    minutes and finishing with eight. How's THAT for luck (skill?). Each coin gets
    you Rupees, and naturally the higher difficulty levels have a better payout.
    You start with only two dungeons available, but can find more in your travels,
    and Dan will happily add it to the collection. Some have amusing themes, such
    as 'Kindergarten Wars,' cuteness, Captain Rainbow, and 'Super Dungeon Bros.,'
    but they're generally pretty similar.
    The aforementioned second dungeon contains a Gasoringo seed somewhere on its
    third floor, which is why we come in the first place, but you'll want to return
    many times, as dungeon runs are by far the fastest way to collect the thousands
    upon thousands of Rupees you'll need to please all of your women. Dan sets the
    dungeon by placing cartridges that look suspiciously like Famikon games into a
    machine that looks suspiciously like a Famikon, and will sometimes even have to
    blow into it to make it work. They also dream of collecting every dungeon ever
    made, and when Tingle brings them the final one they will be overcome with
    excitement. They'll then realise that they did nothing, be happy anyway, and
    bust open a Secret.
    D a r k  L i n k
    Amorphous inner evil
    Race: Shadows
    Appearances: The Adventure of Link
                 Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Four Swords Adventures
                 Spirit Tracks
    Any way you slice it, Dark Link (in any of his several forms) is a fascinating
    character. After all, our boy Link is a paragon of courage and benevolence, and
    Dark Link is basically him – on the polar opposite end of the morality
    spectrum. His origins and motivations are a mystery, but it’s endless fun to
    I’ve listed all of these together in the same profile, under the name of Dark
    Link because that’s probably the version most players will be most familiar
    with. But that does not mean they’re the same character by any means. They
    could be, I guess, but I would tend to think of them as separate.
    'He' made his debut as Link’s Shadow, the last boss in The Adventure of Link.
    In that game, one had to traverse the frustratingly difficult Great Palace,
    square off with Thunderbird and then take on Link’s Shadow without rest. Shadow
    Link was a palette swap of Link...except the new palette was entirely black.
    Yup, he was just a silhouette. Except for magic, he could do everything Link
    could, which meant he could both jump and use his sword. He had the two special
    sword techniques (the Downward and Upward Thrusts) and, once he got going, he
    attacked relentlessly. There was potential for a long and tough fight, but
    players could exploit the relatively simple behaviour pattern for a very quick
    and easy one. They simply had to jump, which would cause Link’s Shadow to lower
    his shield. They would then slash on the way down, smacking him in the noggin.
    Shadow Link would be knocked back, and the process would be repeated as
    necessary. Still, he was a pretty original boss character for the time.
    His first appearance as Dark Link was in Ocarina of Time as the Water Temple
    mini-boss. The fight took place in a huge room that housed an ankle-deep lake.
    Link’s shadow was clearly visible in the reflection of the water. When he ran
    over the centre island’s pool of water, however, it mysteriously vanished. Link
    then saw the locked door, turned around, and found Dark Link waiting on the
    island. This fight involved a considerably better set of actions; for one
    thing, Dark Link had the ability to spring up and disappear at will, and easily
    evaded Link’s stabs. This battle was fairly non-linear in regards to how Dark
    Link could be defeated, and I’ve seen a number of different strategies. A few
    of the more popular ones are straight swordfighting, Spin Attacks, the Megaton
    Hammer and Din’s Fire. When Dark Link went down, the illusion disappeared and
    the room was just an ordinary, closed-in Water Temple chamber. The prize was
    the Longshot (well, actually it was a Small Key unlocking the room beyond,
    which contained the Longshot.)
    I’m not sure this next one counts, but arguably a form of Dark Link appeared as
    Fierce Deity Link (Kiishin Rinku) in Majora’s Mask. At the end of his quest,
    Link was transported to the inside of the moon, where he found a tree with a
    kid sitting under it and four prancing around it. They each wore the mask of
    one of the game’s four dungeon bosses, except for the sitting kid who wore
    Majora’s Mask. If Link had collected all 20 Happy Masks, he could trade them to
    partake in each child’s mini-dungeon. If he completed them all before talking
    to the Majora Child, the spirit would notice that Link had no masks and give
    him the Fierce Deity’s Mask so they could play ‘good guys and bad guys.’ Link
    was the bad guy. The Fierce Deity was apparently a demon whom  early Terminan
    Hylians sealed in a mask. When Link dons the mask, he takes on a form much like
    his adult one from Ocarina of Time, but with armour, a whitish-blue colour
    scheme, eyes without pupils, and a really big, double-helixish sword that can
    shoot fireballs, even after he’s taken damage. Beating Majora’s Mask was a snap
    as the Fierce Deity. (By the way, the reason he’s here is because of the whole
    ‘dark spirit’ thing.)
    The Adventure of Link had Link’s Shadow, so Four Swords Adventures turned that
    around and gave us Shadow Link. An apparition created by Vaati, Shadow Link
    tricked Link into drawing the Four Sword and being sundered. After that, he
    caused mayhem throughout Hyrule, and produced at least three copies of himself.
    Setting fires and harassing civilians, he showed up twice each stage, where
    whoever smacked him could snag 100 Force Gems. He was also a boss for several
    stages – these battles were usually waged on both the Light World TV screen and
    the Dark World GBA screen. He would eventually take on a colour, and only the
    corresponding Link could damage him in this state.
    Dark Link also showed up kind of out of nowhere as the ‘secret’ boss of Spirit
    Tracks, where he reigned as the final challenge of Take ‘Em All On, Level 3.
    Unfortunately, he was also the most underwhelming boss of the entire game, as
    his attacks did shockingly little damage, he himself went down in like ten
    hits, and Link was limited to his sword only, turning the whole affair into a
    tactless slashfest. That said, some of his attacks were quite cool, as he was
    capable of using some of the classic Zelda arsenal, particularly Bombs, which
    he would toss your way before immediately pulling out the Bow and firing,
    detonating it right away. If you ran out of range of the explosion, he would
    proceed to fire continuous volleys until you were able to approach again,
    making the best strategy here to attack him before he could throw the Bomb in
    the first place. He also had some sword tricks of his own, including a delayed
    slash followed by a Jump Attack (after which he was briefly vulnerable), and
    either of the two special techniques, provided Link had already acquired them
    himself by that point (mine knew the Great Spin Attack but not the Sword Beam.)
    Oh, and I guess it’s worth mentioning that he appears in Super Smash Bros
    Melee, in Event Match 18: Link’s Adventure. Here, he’s basically a Level 9
    Link, but coloured black instead of textured. You have to defeat him as genuine
    Link. Taking him down isn’t much trouble, but it’s a cool idea anyway.
    D a r m a n i
    Stalwart defender
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Gorons are accustomed to living in warm, dry climates, like underground or
    inside a volcano. Termina, like it’s other-dimension counterpart Hyrule, was
    bathed in perpetual spring. So when Skull Kid started his takeover and froze
    over Snowhead Mountain, the Gorons were in for quite a shock. The direct cause
    of all this could be addressed if one were to travel to Snowhead Temple defeat
    Goht. The Gorons’ only warrior, Darmani, attempted just this, and was killed in
    the process.
    The Gorons built a shrine to remember him, but his spirit couldn’t move on
    because he knew his people were suffering. Link is able to see Darmani’s ghost
    using the Lens of Truth, and follows him to the shrine. His ghost is dark grey
    and has no pupils. Notably, one can see a large gash running from his
    upper-left chest to lower-right belly; it’s safe to assume this is from the
    killing blow dealt him by Goht. Link plays the Song of Healing for him and we
    watch his first moments in the afterlife as he goes to meet his dead comrades –
    he’s scared as hell, but he doesn’t shy away and instead boldly meets the next
    life (though he screams.) Link gets the Goron Mask, allowing him to assume
    Darmani’s form.
    In this form, Link can throw his weight around, attack with a powerful
    three-part fiery punching combo, roll around like the Hot Rodder Goron (and
    others), and play songs on the Goron Bongos.
    D a r u n i a
    Jovial dancer
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
    The Goron leader is called the Big Brother Goron. Now I’m sure Darunia is a
    good administrator and all, but he has quite a cold personality. When the
    Dodongos chase the Gorons out of Dodongo Cavern, their main source of food,
    they begin to starve. Man, if it’s not one thing it’s another with the Gorons,
    eh? Anyway, Darunia locks himself into his room and refuses to accept visitors
    until Link plays Zelda’s Lullaby in front of his door, and even then he only
    admits him because he thinks he’s a royal messenger. Stupid Hylians, always
    abandoning the Gorons in their times of need.
    He perks up when he hears Saria’s Song, though, and does quite an energetic
    dance. He then gives Link the Goron’s Bracelet, an item so huge Link wears it
    around his upper arm, which lets him pick Bomb Flowers safely. When Link
    vanquishes King Dodongo and the Gorons are able to return and get their
    much-needed, tasty rock sirloin, he gives Link the Goron’s Ruby, the Spiritual
    Stone of Fire.
    Later on, when Volvagia is eating the Gorons and imprisoning those he plans to
    eat later, Darunia enters the Fire Temple and tries to fight Volvagia. (Darmani
    has a similar encounter in Majora’s Mask, except Darunia survives.) He fails,
    of course, but asks Link to give it a try in his stead. When he Link does kill
    Volvagia and rids Death Mountain of its fiery ring (which temporarily replaced
    the smoky one), Darunia awakens as the Sage of Fire and stays at the Fire
    Temple to protect it and pray to the gods for Link’s success.
    In the seven years Link spends in suspended animation, Darunia somehow produces
    a son and names him after Link, in honour of the Sworn Brother bond they share.
    D a v i d  J r.
    Absconded workhorse
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
                 The Minish Cap
    With the introduction of David Jr, Knuckle and Ankle, Tingle became a whole lot
    creepier. He enlisted the labour of not only his little brothers but also some
    person from NOBODY KNOWS WHERE to work ceaselessly churning the gears of a
    giant lighthouse on a tiny island in the middle of the sea modelled to look
    like a giant effigy of his own head stuck atop a totemless totem poll. Not only
    did he do this, but he forced the trio to wear a uniform, that is, one of the
    full-body-spandex-babysuit-plus-speedo things that he wears himself, except
    that David Jr’s was white and brown where Tingle garbed himself in green and
    red. For some reason, despite Link being the kind of guy who would travel
    across an entire country on foot in order to pick a flower for some guy to give
    to the girl he likes just because he doesn’t have the courage to confess on his
    own power, open slavery seems to be A-ok in his books, because he doesn’t due a
    thing to help the poor guy. Maybe David Jr just complains too much and gets on
    the perpetually hardworking Link’s nerves. Try asking nicely next time!
    His role in The Minish Cap is a little less wretched: He sits atop a plateau
    and offers to fuse Kinstone pieces. Doing so enough times with all four members
    of the party opens up some super-special secret stuff.
    The identity of David Sr is unknown.
    D a z z l e  L y p h o s
    I happen to be...a hero!
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Prior to the events of the game, Dazzle Lyphos gave his life protecting Port
    Town from an unspecified threat. In his honour, the citizens erected a statue
    in his likeness, and built the so-called Hero's Shrine beneath it. Strangely,
    you can actually find his body in this shrine, just sort of lying in a corner.
    Later on, you can get his sword, which is worth a pretty penny.
    D e k a d i n
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Oracle of Ages
    With official artwork not remotely resembling his in-game sprite, Dekadin lives
    in a lightless house in Lynna City. He’s really negative and depressed all the
    time, with no motivation or even the slightest inclination to go outside or
    talk to anyone. In an effort to cheer him up (and, incidentally, obtain the
    Noble Sword), Link tells him the Funny Joke. The humour is lost on him, but,
    moved that someone would even make the effort, Dekadin offers Link the Touching
    Book in thanks.
    D e k u  R o y a l  F a m i l y
    Wooden monarchs
    Race: Deku Scrubs
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Deku Scrubs have been consistently showing up as a variant of Octoroks since
    Ocarina of Time, but only a handful have had real character, and only the Deku
    Royal Family is worth mentioning. Unlike most of the major characters in
    Majora’s Mask, they have no Ocarina of Time counterparts.
    They reside in Deku Palace, which is accessible only by ferry since the
    surrounding waters are poisonous. It is guarded by a number of patrolling,
    three-leaved Scrubs who will throw you out if they find you someplace you
    shouldn’t be.
    The Deku King rules the Scrubs of Termina, but he seems to be a little corrupt;
    he spends all three days punishing a monkey accused of kidnapping his daughter,
    even though the only proof he has is a single eyewitness. He has a number of
    pointy leaves for hair, carries a flowery sceptre, and inexplicably has a giant
    red bulb growing out of his back. Uh...
    The princess has, in actuality, been kidnapped by Skull Kid. Odolwa is holding
    her in in Woodfall Temple, and Link rescues her when he defeats the Mayan
    warrior. Somehow, she’s able to shrink herself small enough to fit inside an
    empty Bottle, by which method Link transports her safely back to the arms of
    her father. She smacks him for being stupid, too. She’s a little more detailed
    than an ordinary scrub, and she has a ponytail made out of a whip of leaves
    accented with pink flowers. The monkey accused of kidnapping her is actually
    her best friend, Kiki.
    They are both attended by their uppity English butler, who has two bushes
    growing out of his head and a moustache made from pointed leaves. If Link is
    able to keep up with him in a race, much like with Dampe in Ocarina, he wins
    the Mask of Scents. He also has a son who has been frozen into a still tree,
    and he cries at his feet in the closing cutscene. Oddly, this is Link’s
    Terminian counterpart – the Deku Scrub he can transform into has no name, but
    is clearly the Deku Butler’s Son! In fact, after winning the race he mentions
    how much Link looks like his son, pretty much proving this theory.
    D e m i s e
    The World Warrior
    Race: Demon
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    The first thing that you're going to notice when you lay eyes on Demise is that
    he bears an uncanny resemblance to the Street Fighter series's Akuma. Let's all
    get that out of our systems. The similarities don't end there, either, as both
    are physically large and powerful, both are out for revenge, and both are
    marginally inspired by popular images of demons. Demise  - whose Japanese name
    is completely different, leaving the pronunciation of the North American one up
    for debate – is a dark spirit who grew jealous of the supreme goddess Hylia's
    vast power and inimitable beauty, and eventually his rage grew so intense that
    he made designs on her very position as ruler of the world. And he came within
    a hairsbreadth of success, too. While we're never shown the details of their
    clash, Demise very nearly defeats his nemesis; it takes all of her power just
    to seal him away in a small alternate dimension that serves as his prison cell
    (a trick that will later be repeated with Ganon/Ganondorf and the Golden Land,
    as well as underwater), after which she's so spent she's forced to relinquish
    her godliness and rebirth herself into the form of a mortal.
    Their struggle is far from over, however. Not satisfied with merely sealing him
    away, knowing that he will eventually collect himself and make another bid for
    top spot, she sets in place a number of mechanisms that will eventually lead to
    Demise's defeat at the blade of her handpicked hero. For his part, Demise
    spends the next thousand years railing against his bondage, his cage slowly
    weakening under the pressure. Ultimately, both their plans begin to bear fruit
    concurrently, and just as Link, the chosen one, is beginning to move, Demise
    breaks free for the first time. Known in this form as the Imprisoned, he takes
    the shape of a faceless, bipedal dinosaur-like creature with rows of
    razor-sharp teeth, four bulbous toes on each foot, and rippling scales covering
    its entire body. With each step it takes, an electric shockwave pulses out to a
    radius of several metres. Most of the temple at which Demise and Hylia
    conducted their battle was removed from the earth and flung into the heavens,
    the manner of which basically left a giant corkscrew carved out of the earth;
    Demise begins to advance up this path in hopes of laying waste to the Sealed
    Temple. By attacking the beast's feet, Link is eventually able to topple him,
    allowing him to reach the Sealing Spike protruding from atop his head. The
    Sealing Spike, a combination of key and doorway that leads to Demise's
    prison-realm, also dissolves his temporary body when hammered back into his
    skull, at which point a Skyward Strike is able to force him all the way back
    in, if only for the time being.
    Indeed, Link, Groose and the elderly Impa soon discover that you can't keep
    Demise down, and upon his second resurgence the Imprisoned grows arms. He uses
    these to occasionally attempt to haul himself up to another level, saving
    himself time. Luckily, Link's task is made easier this round by the
    Groosenator, a mobile Bomb-firing cannon that Groose invented (it rides around
    on tracks he constructed circling the entire corkscrew.) A single hit from this
    powerful weapon is enough to stun Demise into momentary immobility, not only
    putting an end to any climbing or sliding attempts he might have been in the
    middle of, but also allowing Link a chance to catch up, or get in a few hits if
    he's already nearby. In the final such battle, a blackfire halo bursts from his
    back; whether it's a cause or a symptom we don't know, but suddenly Demise can
    fly. Cannon fire works it magic on these slow-floating attempts the first
    couple of times, but a supply line mishap cuts off Groose from his Bombs. The
    duo's only recourse is to have Link board the Groosenator and fling himself
    onto Demise's head, allowing himself a few solid whacks at the Sealing Spike.
    Crisis averted one last time.
    And for a brief while, it seems that this may be the hero's final encounter
    with the legendary demon. After completing the final dungeon, which rests
    beneath the statue of Hylia in Skyloft, that section of the town drops right
    out of the sky, just as Demise makes yet another run for the Sealed Temple. As
    it turns out (and as I explained two paragraphs ago), Skyloft IS the remains of
    the pre-Sealed Temple, meaning that Link just dropped a building on his head.
    This finally accomplishes what nothing else could, and Demise is killed
    permanently. It seems all is fine and dandy, but after one thing and then
    another, the seemingly defeated Ghirahim appears at the site of celebration and
    kidnaps Zelda, who has just awoken from a thousand-year self-induced slumber
    meant to keep her away from Demise, who would use her (or rather Hylia's) power
    to make himself King of Everything. Ghirahim's well-timed gambit outmanoeuvres
    Zelda's, as he announces that while his master may be dead now, a quick jog
    through the Door of Time will take him back to an era where he is merely still
    asleep in his cage. Link and Groose give chase and Link ultimately defeats
    Ghirahim, but not before he manages to complete the spell transferring Hylia's
    power into Demise's Sealing Spike and creating the clear and present danger of
    his imminent catastrophic escape. Demise slaughters his faithful servant and
    transforms him back into his sword, which looks like a black and purple mockery
    of the Master Sword. Groose takes custody of Zelda's body, since there's still
    time to restore it to life if Link prevails, and Link heads into Demise's
    mini-dimension for the final showdown.
    After a thousand-year wait, Demise doesn't mind taking a few more moments to
    have a few words with Link, pontificating against a backdrop of a pleasantly
    cloudy, sunny sky and an endless expanse of inch-deep, crystal-clear water. He
    explains his personal history with Hylia and spits all over both her and Zelda,
    wondering why the stupid girl would would ever cast off her godly form in
    favour of her current one, whose beauty absolutely pales in comparison to the
    original; he asserts, in so many words, that Hylia was so beautiful that Link's
    mortal mind literally can't even conceive of it. And then they fight. It's a
    straightforward sword struggle, and the previously peaceful sky fills with
    ominous black clouds and cracks with lightning. Demise deals a great deal of
    damage and is himself quite robust, but nearly the entire fight is a simple
    matter of dodge-and-counterattack (although he is surprisingly quick to recover
    from a missed strike, so be careful not to get greedy in your responding
    assault.) Eventually he starts to electrify his sword, which hurts Link if he
    blocks an attack, and using Skyward Strikes, which are powerful but easy to
    avoid. Lastly, he will charge Link if he strays too far away from him, but the
    Hylian Shield all but negates this issue. When Demise finally does go down, the
    world is saved, but he claims that he will not go gently into that good night.
    He plants a seed of his rage within the world, that his spiritual successor may
    inherit it. This man, Ganondorf, will in many ways exceed even Demise's
    might...but that's a story for another day and a battle for other Links.
    D e m o n  T r a i n
    Sentient steam engine
    Race: Machine
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    We might be stretching the definition of ‘character’ a little far here, but
    Spirit Tracks is so filled with rampant train fetishism that we might as well
    indulge ourselves as well. An ancient legendary train of dark origins, the
    Demon Train makes its mighty appearance almost as soon as the adventure begins,
    trashing Link’s first train, which it totally outclasses, before allowing Cole
    to make off with Zelda’s body. Man, I wish I had an interdimensionally
    travelling train at my disposal. Or a car even, yeah that would be nice too.
    It’s sort of creepy, by the way, because it has a face on the front of the
    engine, which is how I figure it qualifies as a character.
    The Demon Train serves as Cole’s (and, until his defection, Byrne’s) means of
    transportation throughout Hyrule, though it’s really only seen again when it
    appears to whisk the newly resurrected Malladus off to the Dark Realm. It then
    appears in the first part of an epic four-part final battle, which is the real
    reason I’m including it in the guide (so that I can detail the entire thing,
    even if it is spread across way too many entries to be coherent if you haven’t
    played the game.) This part, which come to think of it is somewhat reminiscent
    of Jet Set Radio Future’s second-last boss, requires Link to jet down a set of
    four parallel tracks at high speed in pursuit of the Demon Train, which is
    firing upon him constantly. Link must fight back with his own projectiles,
    changing speeds or tracks as necessary in order to maintain the optimum
    position and avoid attacks. As his shots strike home, the train begins to break
    down, first losing most of its weapons systems, then the same happening with
    its cargo hold, and finally the whole thing just going straight to hell. A
    pain, but fun, and a great set piece. It then sits patiently while Link, Zelda
    and Cole scurry around on top of it.
    D i n,  N a y r u  a n d  F a r o r e
    Creation story lynchpins
    Race: Goddesses, or Hylians
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
                 Ocarina of Time
                 Oracle of Seasons
                 Oracle of Ages
                 The Wind Waker
                 The Minish Cap
    Din, Nayru and Farore are, first and foremost, the legendary Three Goddesses
    who figure into Hyrule’s creation story. They were briefly mentioned in the
    instruction manual of A Link to the Past, but they weren’t even given names.
    They were much expanded upon in several Ocarina of Time cutscenes and other
    media, so I’ll summarise their contribution to the world here:
    To begin with, the place Hyrule would occupy was a swirling mass of raw
    nothingness until the Three Goddesses descended upon whatever this was and
    sought to bring order and life to it.
    Din – Goddess of Power. Created and shaped the land.
    Nayru – Goddess of Wisdom. Created science, wizardry and the arts.
    Farore – Goddess of Courage. Created living things.
    On the spot where they flew back to their angelic perches, they left a physical
    symbol of their action. This way, their creations might learn from them. It was
    three golden triangles, called the Triforce. Sounding familiar? Not only did it
    exist physically, each piece of it was imprinted on a particular person and his
    or her infinite reincarnations throughout the years. But the Triforce has such
    a complex history, it could have its OWN guide, so I won’t dig any deeper.
    What’s interesting to me is that the Triforce of Power, the one Ganon has, is
    often portrayed as the ‘best’ of the three. Meanwhile, Link’s, the Triforce of
    Courage, tends to be positioned as subordinate to the other two. This could
    have something to do with the order in which the Goddesses are mentioned –
    Power, Wisdom, Courage. I don’t know. This is highly debatable, I just find it
    to be an interesting interpretation.
    The trio also appeared as Hylians in the Oracle saga. Din was the eponymous
    Oracle of Seasons, masquerading as a dancer in a troupe of performers. She was
    kidnapped by Onox and thrown into a crystal. Nayru was the Oracle of Ages, and
    a talented musician, but Veran possessed her body. Farore played a much lesser
    role as the Oracle of Secrets found on the first floor of either Maku Tree.
    Several times, Link received a secret in one game that had to be brought to
    Farore in the other game. Doing so gave him upgraded equipment.
    The goddesses are once again unnamed in The Wind Waker, but I might as well
    mention them here. When the seal on Ganondorf’s Golden Realm prison started to
    weaken, the goddesses drowned Hyrule so that he would never escape. He still
    somehow found a way out, however, so it was all for nought. The point is,
    they’re the reason Hyrule is underwater and The Wind Waker takes place on the
    Their Hylian versions reappeared in The Minish Cap. They shared a room at the
    inn until Link performed a two-for-one act of good citizenship: He found Ingo
    two tenants, and he found houses for two of the ladies to live in. Only two,
    though, and it was smartest to pick Din and Nayru (see? Farore once again gets
    the shaft.) When Link talked to them in their new homes, they were so pleased
    they each presented him with a special artefact that would temporarily up
    either his attack power, his defensive abilities, or both (but that last one
    entailed a much lower bonus.)
    Din is represented by red, Nayru is represented by blue, and Farore is
    represented by green.
    D o c  B a n d a m
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Doc Bandam is pretty cool. Clad in a long red jacket and protective goggles
    that adorn his shaved head, he owns and operates the dimly lit and awesome Chu
    Jelly Juice Shop on Windfall Island, where he spends every waking moment mixing
    Chu Jelly elixirs and inventing new ones. Initially, all he has on offer is Red
    Potion, but if you unload enough of your own collected Chu Jelly on him, he’ll
    figure out how to mix Green and Blue Potions as well. That makes him a sort of
    mixologist, doesn’t it? You can also give him some Chu Jelly out of which he’ll
    make you a free Potion, too, I guess because he just loves it so much. As we
    learn from a piece of incidental gossip, Doc Bandam also makes the occasional
    research trip to the Chuchu-infested Pawprint Isle to gather Chu Jelly, and
    probably to observe its effects. Excellent! I love a character who can stand on
    their own two feet, as it were, and travelling to other islands is a level of
    werwithal not many characters have in this series.
    D o d o h
    Just shut up
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    The most irritating new character by far, Dodoh is kind of a cross between a
    jester and fat clown. Like a more heavily clothed and made-up Fyer, really. His
    name is eminently fitting; that of the piece of rock he's taken over, less so.
    He calls it Fun Fun Island, and much of your time there will be spent listening
    to his horribly grating, yet oddly catchy voiced dialogue. 'Ieeeeesu!' indeed.
    Before he opens for business, he spends half the game setting up, although the
    place looks pretty complete right from the start so it's unclear what he has
    left to do. Eventually, he loses one of his fashion accessories off the side of
    the island, and even though the attraction is ready he's now too depressed to
    work. He laments that he'll never be able to bring smiles to the faces of the
    local children, in spite of the fact that no child owns a Loftwing and thus
    none can access Fun Fun Island, and only the most disturbed among them would
    actually try playing his insane game. However, we manage to find the item in
    question (which you may have noticed earlier and wondered as to its purpose),
    and we can finally play. The game, it turns out, consists of Dodoh launching us
    really, really high into the air using a cannon, at which point it is our task
    to skydive through consecutive rings while avoiding the intervening Dodoh
    Balls. This determines our multiplier; which of the spaces on the spinning
    island we ultimately land on determines the base. Every denomination from a
    single green Rupee to a 50-Rupee jackpot is represented, as is a Rupoor, which
    constitutes a loss of 10 Rupees on top of the cost of playing the game. Passing
    through all ten rings without touching a Dodoh Ball and then landing on the
    jackpot space gets us not only mass Rupees but also a Piece of Heart. Dodoh
    owns a golden trumpet that he seems quite fond of gesturing with and blowing
    D o k u t a a  J i i
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Though he presumably bears no relation to The House of the Dead's Agent G, Dr G
    does resemble Rabu-ya. Brothers? If so, Dokutaa Jii seems significantly older,
    so draw from that what you will. He gets quite a few mentions over the course
    of the game, especially by the Chibi-Robos of Page 10's East Side. Everyone
    seems to be in agreement that he is a scientist of high regard, who has been
    responsible for an assortment of useful inventions. His biggest claim to fame,
    and current project, is some kind of space platform currently in the earth's
    orbit. More significantly for us, he also built Buriki, in an attempt to create
    a robot capable of experiencing human emotions. We learn this from the
    occasional recorded holographic messages Buriki displays whenever she
    temporarily breaks down, in which he reports on her progress to whoever may be
    around at the time. If you read between the lines, you can see that Dokutaa Jii
    built her while aboard the space platform, then fired her pod down towards the
    City in the hopes of carrying out his experiment. Well, it worked;
    congratulations on perfecting artificial intelligence, bro. Also, this is a
    stretch, but he also seems somewhat analogous to the man behind the curtain.
    D o n  G e r o
    Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    I actually have my doubts that the Goron some sources claim is Don Gero
    actually is that person, but why go against the flow. The more entries this
    guide has, the more credibility it earns at a glance.
    So we find ‘Don Gero’ in Snowhead shivering and stranded on a high ledge;
    currently taking all bets as to how he got up there. As we know, fatigue and
    hunger increase the effects of cold on the body, so our mission is to bring him
    some tasty Rock Sirloin, which we get by lighting the braziers in Goron City,
    playing the Goron’s Lullaby to the Elder’s son, and then rolling at high speed,
    hopping off a jump and bashing through the chandelier, knocking out the
    starving people’s only emergency food source. When we offer it to one of that
    society’s least productive members, he rewards us with his green teddy
    bear-like hat/mask thing.
    Don Gero’s Mask allows us to confront five frogs who will then begin to
    assemble at the foot of the ledge on which Don Gero has taken residence. This
    is way more of a pain than its worth if you aren’t going for full hearts,
    because the amphibians are scattered on completely opposite ends of Termina,
    two of them deep in dungeons, and all you get for the trouble is a Heart Piece.
    Since most people will end up missing one or two others anyway it’s probably
    not worth it. I mean obviously I still did it...
    ‘Gero’ is Japanese for ‘ribbit,’ and a don was like some kind of mediaevel
    aristocrat or something.
    D o v o s
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Dovos's powerful-sounding name belies the extremely domestic reality. Flabby
    and soul-patched, he's a passionate lover of food and a regular at the Bazaar
    restaurant. In fact, he spends literally all of his time there. He does prove
    marginally useful at one point, reporting that the unsettling sound of a woman
    wailing can be heard from the Knight Academy washroom when the sun goes down,
    and, later, that it has stopped.
    D r  B e a n
    Crawled in a bottle and never came out
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    This diminutive mad scientist is so obsessed with the subject of his research,
    which he terms 'Empty Jars,' that he's actually made his home inside of one.
    This is where Tingle encounters him, dug into the ground in the southwest
    corner of Steamy Marsh, where he carries on his life's ambition. How one
    'researches' bottles I'm not entirely sure, but he claims not only to have done
    so for many years, but to have created 23 prototypes and distributed them
    across the world. However, in doing so he made a mistake, accidentally
    attaching some stickers to some of them, and now he wants them back. I guess he
    collects them or something, or else he feels the bottles they're attached to
    are thus flawed and need to be recalled. By complete coincidence, of course,
    the last bottle that Tingle happens to acquire will have the final sticker
    attached to it. The two-star sticker mainly nets you a few thousand Rupees, but
    the three-star one will see Tingle rewarded with, on top of Dr Bean's
    everlasting joy, the Crown Bottle Cap, a Rupee Good that no doubt came from the
    bottle he lives in.
    E a g u s
    Rui's grandfather and enemy of the evil Cipher Corporation
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Graduation from the Knight Academy requires not only theoretical knowledge but
    also martial skill. This is where the teachings of Eagus, the local
    swordmaster, enter the ring. Playing Professor Sprout to the Sparring Hall's
    greenhouse, he instructs the institution's students in the basic techniques of
    swordfighting, from simple horizontal and vertical slashes right on up to the
    impressive Jump Attack and Spin Attack (stupid Stamina Gauge...). He'll remind
    Link of these moves, then chastise him for trying to take a practise sword out
    of the doujo; Link, however, explains why he needs it, and Eagus relents,
    saying he can take it just this once. It later turns out that Eagus is a
    connoisseur of piping-hot Pumpkin Soup. Link's first task on the road to paying
    off the debt he incurs to Pumm after destroying his chandelier is to send a
    delivery his way within five minutes (it takes about two), that is, before it
    cools. Aonuma personally wrote all of Eagus's Japanese dialogue, as the
    character's occupation and personality reminded him of his swordmaster
    E d e r u w a i s u
    Hound dog
    Race: *grimace* Dog
    Appearances: Iroduzki Chinkuru no Baruun Torippu
    A red bulldog who lives at the Aomono Village flower shop, Edelweiss may be the
    property of the owner. That seems likely. Appropriately, an edelweiss is a type
    of flower. The dumb animal is also extraordinarily bad-tempered lately, because
    the green otentou hasn't been able to take it (yes, it) for a walk since she's
    running the shop alone. Tingle helps out by doing it for her; since five's a
    crowd, his companions stay behind. Edelweiss is the key to getting the
    fisherman's false teeth back, as it will tussle with Masaru the monkey until he
    spits them out and runs. The flower shop and the rental field where Masaru is
    hanging out are right next to one another, but if you take the time to cover a
    little more ground Edelweiss's wanderlust will be sated and you'll receive a
    decent Rupee reward.
    E e n i e  a n d  M e e n i e
    Vegetable farmers
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    With quite possibly the two worst names in the entire Zelda franchise, Eenie
    and Meenie are some of those characters who would have been better off not
    having been named, and not just because it would mean I wouldn’t have to think
    up things to say about them. They own a nice vegetable farm in the Eastern
    Hills, hence their profession, and have a close business relationship with
    Brocco, who buys, processes and then sells all of their finest produce. I’m not
    sure how this works since Brocco can’t be found anywhere in Hyrule after the
    Picori Festival ends, but there you have it. Like 95% of the otherwise useless
    characters in this game, Eenie is willing to fuse Kinstones with you.
    E m e r a
    Love at fifth sight
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Despite having been sheltered her entire young life, Princess Emera is
    surprisingly down-to-earth and worldly. When she was a small child she met the
    farmer Jiichan and his wife Baachan, and dreamed of living a peaceful life like
    them. Instead, she was constantly hounded by Prince Segaare of a neighbouring
    kingdom, who to this day believes them to be perfect for each other. As a
    result, she grew up to be tempered and introspective, but somewhat melancholy
    as well.
    Shortly after Tingle's arrival in Emerald City, Emera's stalker Shigumasento
    goads him into checking her out on her balcony via the telescope he has set up
    at a nearby inn. No sooner has he peeked, however, than he witnesses her take a
    swig of some mysterious liquid and immediately fall over, to his sincere alarm.
    The next day, it transpires that she has fallen ill and that her dance party
    may be cancelled, meaning that the party will not be able to meet the king, and
    hence will not be able to have their wishes granted. Fortunately, they are soon
    introduced to a disguised Majiyo, who provides them with a recipe for medicine
    that will bring the Princess around. In reality, the whole thing was a setup
    designed to buy her time to prepare for Tingle's arrival, but his
    time-travelling abilities effectively allow him to gather the necessary
    ingredients 'instantly.' Tingle is led to Princess Emera's chamber and heals
    her, but, like the other four main love interests, she immediately recoils in
    horror upon seeing him. At the insistence of her father, she grudgingly lets
    slip a few words of thanks, then spends much of Page 11's post-script being
    wooed by Tingle and thinking of ways to avoid him, such as sending him to the
    inn to collect a dish that they don't even make there. Since she has five
    hearts (compared to most girls' one and the other love interests' three), this
    ends up requiring a number of trips back and forth between pages, until
    finally, after her fourth heart is filled, she leads Tingle and the group
    outside to talk about Segaare and the legendary four magicians who long ago
    defeated...Baron maybe. Travelling back one more time and filling her final
    heart, Tingle is invited into her room. On the advice of a nearby bird, Raion
    and the others leave, and she confesses the gigantic crush she's had on Tingle
    ever since he started foisting thousands upon thousands of Rupees' worth of
    useless trinkets on her.
    At the dance party, Buruu-fujin advises Tingle that he will need to have an
    impressive dance with at least four other girls in order to secure Emera's
    attention, which he manages to do. She then addresses the crowd, calls Tingle
    up to the stage and announces that she's thinking of marrying him! At that
    moment, however, the seemingly vanquished Buriki arrives in Morph Ball form, to
    the tune of Samus Appears. She calls a halt to the proceedings, advising Tingle
    that the girl is really Majiyo in disguise. Raion and Kakashi follow up to
    confirm her assertions, followed by the genuine article herself. Majiyo moves
    to capture Tingle but his companions interpose themselves between him and her;
    she merely chuckles and, in a flash, seizes Emera, then drags her through a
    portal and into a closed space. Tingle's companions warn him that it would be
    dangerous to pursue, but he does anyway, and arrives to find Emera bound and
    Majiyo transforming into a giant monster. After they defeat her with the power
    of an upgraded Pachinko, Raion frees the Princess and the group takes off.
    Emera and her father deal with Segaare and Majiyo, and the trio of Kakashi,
    Buriki and Raion ask to have their wishes granted. The king explains that there
    is no truth to the rumour that he is capable of granting wishes, but points out
    that through the course of their journey they have all acquired what they had
    sought anyway.
    In the game's final sequence, Tingle is about to return to his own world, but
    Emera complains that she never got a chance to dance with him as she had
    wanted. Tingle then has to choose his final dance party from among the five
    girls who have gathered with his friends to see him off, and although there's
    no true indication either way the canon ending almost certainly involves him
    choosing Emera. Actually it barely changes the story at all. Either way, Emera
    is seen continuing to rule over the kingdom alongside her father, none of her
    psychological issues resolved and with extra heartbreak now on top of them.
    Unless she and Tingle really do get married? I don't know. The ending could
    have been done a lot better.
    E n g i n e e r
    The smart one
    Race: Stalfos
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Never seen without his spectacles and a conspicuous book – because smart people
    have those things on their person at all times – the Engineer is responsible
    for all of the pirates' mechanical maintenance, technological R&D, and so
    forth. Tingle first encounters him in the Pirates' Hideout, where he offers up
    the Recipe for the Tingle Bomb, a versatile item that is also necessary for
    Tingle's immediate progress. He shows up more later, but doesn't do much.
    E p o n a
    Link’s trusty steed
    Race: Purebred horse
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Seasons
                 Four Swords Adventures
                 The Minish
                 Twilight Princess
    Link first met Epona as a child in Ocarina of Time, where he saw her at Lon Lon
    Ranch. She would run away from him whenever he approached, afraid of him.
    Malon, however, sung her a lullaby every night, which Link quickly learned to
    play on the Ocarina. After he played Epona’s Song, the pony trusted him a
    little more.
    When he became an adult and learned that Ingo had taken over Lon Lon Ranch, he
    found that he was horribly mistreating the animals. He had people pay to ride
    the horses around their enclosure, which looked a little like an equestrian
    course. Ingo recognized some natural horsemanship abilities in Link and had him
    a race around the outside of the enclosure with 50 Rupees on the line. When
    Link won, he had a second race with Epona’s ownership as the prize. (Winning
    either of the races with one of the stock mares is impossible; Ingo’s ride is
    just too fast.) He then tried to lock Link in, but Epona’s amazing jumping
    abilities allowed her to clear the ranch walls with ease. Ingo realised at the
    last moment that Link had been riding Epona, the best of the bunch. He was
    quite jealous, because she threw HIM every time he climbed into the saddle.
    After this, Link was able to summon her whenever he was on Hyrule Field by
    playing Epona’s Song.
    At the beginning of Majora’s Mask, Link is riding through Kokiri Forest looking
    for Navi when Skull Kid ambushes him. He steals Epona and rides off into a
    portal. Link finds she’s been taken to Romani Ranch, and he can’t rescue her
    until almost halfway through the game. Skull Kid has blocked off Milk Road with
    a rock, and the assigned worker takes two days to clear it; Link must blow it
    up with a Powder Keg to clear it on the first day, from which point he can take
    steps to liberate Epona. Oddly, he wasn’t able to ride her in child form in
    Ocarina, but in Majora’s Mask this was the only form he could ride her in. Of
    course, in the latter game she’s still a pony, which is kind of interesting.
    Epona cameos briefly at the beginning of Oracle of Seasons, where Link is seen
    riding her towards the not-yet-sunken Temple of Seasons. No, wait – come to
    think of it, maybe it was Hyrule Castle...?
    She appeared in Four Swords Adventures as well, where players could briefly
    ride her by collecting a carrot item, extending their time by collecting
    further carrots (which were usually arranged in a path for this purpose.) The
    Links could trample each other and collect the Force Gems that the stomped ones
    dropped. Epona was also the focus of Bucking Bronco, part of the Tingle’s Tower
    collection of minigames. This was a flat-out race that raged on both screens.
    Epona is basically a beast of burden in The Minish Cap. Her main purpose is to
    haul shipments of Lon Lon Milk between the ranch and Hyrule Castle Town.
    Her role was greatly expanded in Twilight Princess, though she was still
    basically playing a bit part. She worked with Link at Ordon ranch, herding
    goats, before being abducted by Bokoblins. Link later rescues her in Kakariko
    Village. His childhood friend Ilia seems to be very fond of Epona, but the
    noble beast still prefers her master. Late in the game, Ilia gives Link the
    horse call; this allows him to summon Epona from just about anywhere, whereas
    before he could only do this at specific places. In Twilight, Link’s mounted
    combat options were greatly expanded; no longer limited to the bow, he could
    attack with his sword and various dungeon items, plus ram into enemies and
    trample them under Epona’s hooves.
    When Link takes on his wolf form in Twilight, he can speak to animals. I didn’t
    expect it to work, but it turns out Epona has this to say: ‘Even though you
    change shape, I still understand you. Link...Hurry up and return to your true
    On top of the obvious advantage of being a lot faster than walking, in all her
    appearances except Twilight Princess, riding Epona grants Link invincibility.
    She is named after Epona, the goddess of horses, donkeys and mules in Celtic
    E r r o r
    HTTP 404: File Not Found
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Adventure of Link
    A blacksmith from Ruto Town who when first spoken to merely announces ‘I am
    Error.’ A little later, another character references him, at which point his
    dialogue changes to ‘South of the Palace is a tunnel.’ He has a great name.
    E x p l o r e r s
    Toad Brigade sister unit
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    In spite of being on expedition to a place called Steamy frickin' Marsh, this
    rather sizeable team shows up looking like Howard Carter. Everybody seems to be
    researching something entirely different, as well, with many of them doing
    nothing at all. One is studying the local giant bees, while another is
    attempting to determine the source of the choking smog that blankets Steamy
    Marsh; when it disperses following Tingle's destruction of the local geysers
    that had until that point been spewing choking smog, he declares that they must
    have been what he was looking for. Another guy seems to be friends with Dr
    Bean, and yet another is looking into the unique variety of local flowers. A
    couple have made camp and are eating. Still others have made for Gooey Swamp,
    where they do nothing very important at all, and most of the remainder just
    stand around. Their main mission, however, seems to revolve around capturing
    three differently coloured butterflies, as the chief explorer (who, for those
    keeping score, is flanked by two assistants) is extremely interested in
    them...completely for his own purposes, it seems, as he just wants to look at
    them. This does work out in our favour, however, as he rewards Tingle
    handsomely for completing the collection. One guy, incidentally, has actually
    found the blue butterfly, and goes as far as to point it out to him, but makes
    no effort to catch it and walk the thirty steps over to his boss to collect the
    E z l o
    Larger than life
    Race: Minish
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    The Minish are a race of inch-high people who live amongst the Hylia without
    them ever knowing. There are several Minish settlements throughout Hyrule, but
    they are by far most concentrated at Minish Village in the Minish Woods. Ezlo
    was originally a great Minish wizard. One day, his apprentice, Vaati, lusting
    for power, turned on him and transformed him into a hat.
    In his normal form, he wears a blue robe, carries a staff and wears the red hat
    typical of the Forest Minish. Transfigured, Ezlo is the spitting image of
    Link’s famous green cap, except that instead of a point it has his head and
    birdlike beak. Uh...right. In this state, Ezlo can barely crawl, and is easily
    attacked by local Octoroks. Link rescues him and he affixes to Link’s head,
    then directs him to Minish Village. Ezlo still retains some of his magical
    ability in this form, enough to change size at will. Ezlo is the lynchpin on
    which sits the focal gimmick of his game: Switching between the tiny Minish
    size and the customary Hylian size.
    Ezlo has two other functions, which are providing general advice and billowing
    out to allow Link to glide on the wind. He kind of serves a similar purpose to
    Tatl, in that he speaks at times you would expect Link to. His dialogue is the
    best in the game, if that means anything.
    At the end of the game, when he, Link and Zelda defeat Vaati, the Minish Door
    closes. From his choice of words, it sounds like he is only able to go between
    sizes when the Door is open. That would make sense, considering the Minish Door
    being open is supposedly what allows the Hylians and Minish to briefly mingle.
    Even if that’s not the case, it’s unlikely that we’ll be seeing Ezlo again, so
    give him a round of applause as he bids us adieu.
    F a c a d e
    Face of Evil
    Race: Demon
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
                 Oracle of Seasons
    Although next to nothing is known about Facade, he’s kind of an intriguing
    character due to his knowledge of the actual situation surrounding Koholint. As
    far as I can remember he’s the only character on the entire island who has any
    idea that everything around them is more (or rather, less) than it seems.
    Facade guards the Coral Triangle, the holy prize of Level 6, Face Shrine. The
    battle is a little different; it sees you dodging fireballs, slaying mites, and
    running from a hole in the floor that tracks your every move. Viewed from a
    real-life perspective, that last one is more than a little creepy. Anyway, the
    secret to damaging him is to detonate a Bomb right on top of his smug mug, at
    which point the pain will make him snap and he’ll go berserk for a bit, after
    which point you’ll repeat the process. Upon his defeat he’ll utter these
    chilling words:
    ‘Okay, listen up! If the Wind Fish wakes up, everything on this island will be
    gone forever! And I do mean...EVERYTHING!’
    The tableaus at the Dream Shrine and Southern Face Shrine said as much, but
    Facade explicitly spells it out for you. Over the course of the game, we’ve
    gone from ‘Off we go to wake the Wind Fish!’ to ‘You sure you really want to?
    Maybe here isn’t so bad, you know?’ to ‘If you do, you’re going to kill
    hundreds of innocent people.’ Facade’s death provided just enough of an answer
    to prompt a slew of further questions, and left you with lingering doubts
    tugging at the back of your mind even as you forged ever onward on your
    journey. Anybody who feels nostalgia for the days when a game didn’t need
    million-dollar FMVs to garner emotional involvement has a point.
    However, using his immense powers of awesomeness Facade transcended not only
    his own death, but also that of the entire plane of existence that had
    originally given him life, reappearing in Oracle of Seasons against all odds,
    probably because he was a unique fight and they figured they might as well make
    use of some of the sprites and programming already at their disposal. I prefer
    to take it as evidence of Facade’s badassery, though, even if he was demoted to
    mini-boss. Oh, and although he doesn’t say anything very important or
    interesting he still talks here, which I forgot to mention is an incredible
    rarity among Zelda bosses or any Nintendo bosses, really, and which
    singlehandedly makes Facade a medal-winner right from the start.
    When I called him a demon I wasn’t BS’ing, even if I do it at other places in
    the guide. This one I’m pretty sure I read somewhere, although that may be a
    product of my imagination.
    So yeah, if you were not born in a country where basic knowledge of French is
    assumed, Facade just means face. Nowadays it has a connotation of falsehood,
    and is also commonly used in architecture to describe the ‘front’ part of a
    building. Flying balistrodes or something, I think I read that in The
    Cedillas not mixing with GameFAQs's ASCII-only documentation makes this more of
    a pain to write than it would otherwise be.
    F a d o
    Androgynous sage
    Race: Kokiri
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 The Wind Waker
                 Twilight Princess
    Damn, is Fado ever irritating.
    Fado first appeared in Kokiri Forest. I remember seeing her as child Link. As I
    recall, she was a girl with two bulbous blonde knobs of hair. Her fairy, I
    believe, was blue. Actually, her very existence is fancruft: Only the most
    dedicated fan of Ocarina of Time, who scoured every last resource delving far
    deeper into the game than was necessary, would ever come across the evidence
    stating her name. When spoken to, even later on in the game, she said something
    She was absent for some time, then reappeared in The Wind Waker. As a guy.
    I don’t know who screwed this one up. My money is on Nintendo of America’s
    localization department. But when I heard (?) Fado’s name in Waker, I was
    delighted, until I found out that somebody had horribly mangled the character.
    Not only is Fado a dude now, he’s also a ghost because Ganondorf somehow killed
    him while still inside the Golden Realm. His apparel has changed as well,
    obviously, as he’s donned pants and a short cap in place of boyshorts (O_o
    she’s ten) and a bare head. This Fado is also the Sage of Winds, and Makar’s
    ancient ancestor. I’m not sure how a creature originally associated with the
    Forest became associated with the Winds, but it is notable that Link in The
    Wind Waker is the Hero of Winds, and Link in Ocarina of Time grew up among the
    Hold on a moment - Brie Fusaro tells me that The Wind Waker Official Player’s
    Guide, Fado is actually referred to as a guy in one instance, and as a girl in
    another. Ugh.
    Anyway, Fado is also associated with the Wind God’s Aria, the second half of
    The Wind Waker’s theme, and after being awakened at the Wind Temple he helps
    power up the Master Sword so that it is strong enough to defeat Ganondorf.
    It gets weirder. All ambiguity is thrown to the winds as Twilight Princess’s
    Fado is most definitely a guy. And a big, burly, goat-herding country bumpkin
    of a guy at that. Supposedly, he helps Link run Ordon Ranch and takes over when
    Link leaves on his quest to save Hyrule. Unfortunately, Fado is terrible at
    farming and can’t even control his own livestock. They have a tendency to
    ignore him when he tries to bring them in for the night and sometimes they
    escape when he’s not looking, forcing Link to wrestle them to the ground before
    they get away. All in all, not a whole lot of help, and an individual who makes
    the whole Fado character even more hermaphroditic than before.
    F a n a d i
    Best fortune-teller in this series
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Twilight Princess’s Hyrule Castle Town is one heck of a busy place; in fact,
    it’s probably the most sprawling, populous, active conurbation in the entire
    series. It’s also quite dense, not just with bodies but with points of interest
    as well. One of those is Fanadi the fortune-teller, who, for a nominal fee of
    10 Rupees, will give you insight on either your ‘career’ (your next quest
    destination...questination) or ‘love’ life (undiscovered Pieces of Heart).
    Unlike certain others, such as Astrid, she fails to suck at life, and her
    predictions are much clearer than those of her compatriots. And in an
    especially cool touch that really puts her over the top, rather than just
    telling you with words, she shows you a sort of vision - a little panning shot
    of the area you’re to head off to. She has a pretty atypical fashion sense,
    too, as compared to what we’re used to seeing with Nintendo. Guess that sort of
    goes along with TP’s aesthetic.
    The first thing I notice with Fanadi’s name is that (at least with my [possibly
    incorrect] pronunciation) is that it rhymes with vanity, which suits her sort
    of not really, but others have pointed out that the syllables are derived from
    FArore, NAyru, and DIn, possibly revealing a connection to them or to the
    Spirits of Ordona, Lanayru, Faron, and Eldin. Perhaps that’s where she draws
    her foresight from?
    F e r r u s
    Densha Otoko
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    Ferrus is to trains what Winry Rockbell is to automail, which is to say he’s
    about as passionate an enthusiast as one could find. He lives in a trailer at
    Wellspring Station, but he’s almost never there, constantly riding the rails in
    search of trains to photograph on a seemingly perpetual day off. Link
    encounters Ferrus quite a number of times, and he is only too happy to help him
    out with information, maps and anything else he can provide. Later on, he even
    gets to ride in the Spirit Train as a passenger, which pretty much makes his
    lifetime. This is also where his tendency to use txt msg shorthand and other
    ‘nerdy’ phrases really shows itself, as he yells ‘Woot!’ (not even ‘w00t’...)
    whenever Link does something correctly. At other times, he usually confines
    himself to ‘OMG,’ though sometimes in a very large font size. These
    Ferrus-carrying missions entail receiving a letter from him with an extremely
    nondescript photo attached; by examining it, Link is to determine where Ferrus
    is hanging out these days and head there to pick him up. He’ll then toss out a
    destination and we’re off to the races.
    The first one is a quick jaunt to Aboda Village so that Ferrus can meet
    Alfonzo, whom he idolizes deeply as a Master Engineer. Alfonzo was once known
    as a legendary swordsman, but Ferrus insists his reputation was actually for
    being a legendary train conductor. He’s obsessed; love it. In another one, he
    wants to go see the Ocean Temple for himself, which was certainly
    anger-inducing, because getting there requires you to drive around underwater
    for like an hour, and if you do everything in the game you’ll have to do it
    about seven times, making it all the more aggravating. But he’s a good kid, and
    one of the most likeable (and identifiable ^^;) Zelda characters in recent
    memory, so I forgive him.
    F i
    Attractive travel companion
    Race: Construct
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    When the first portrait of Fi was released a year or so before the release of
    Skyward Sword, everybody was fascinated. Here was one of the coolest and most
    intriguing designs in the entire Nintendo oeuvre, all blue, caped, wearing sexy
    leggings, strategically framed, and quite clearly bearing some kind of
    relationship to the Master Sword. What was the connection? Was this the blade's
    projected personality? Does this fine lady transform INTO it? The press release
    did its job beautifully, generating a hell of a lot of anticipation for the
    product. As it turns out, the answer is that Fi is bound within the Goddess
    Sword – and has been waiting there a thousand years for the Goddess's chosen
    hero, as she has been given the assignment of guiding him in his journey.
    And never has the Big N squandered a design with so much potential on such a
    boring character.
    Fi (pronounced 'fye') is somewhat comparable to an AI construct in many science
    fiction settings: Sentient, but unable to comprehend human emotions or
    transcend the bounds of her 'programming,' as it were. Consequently, she ends
    up very flat and dry. Although Link's almost complete lack of dialogue would
    certainly make witty repartee an impossibility, she could at least inject a
    little personality into her observations. Instead, she expresses almost
    everything imaginable in terms of percentage probability, as in 'I project an
    85% chance that something important lies beyond that door. I recommend that you
    try to find a way through it.' Well, you know what, Fi? I project a 100% chance
    that I'm going to punch you in the head if you don't shut up. Like really, what
    the hell else did you think I was going to do about the giant embossed door
    with a lock the size of my entire body, igfreakingnore it? Just dismiss it out
    of hand, right? Strangely, these interjections also give the game a Metroid
    Prime 3 vibe, as Samus's shipboard computer, which notably wasn't an AI, had
    much the same delivery. Even worse, however, is her tendency to bring to your
    attention incredibly obvious information with a persistence that borders on
    physically unbearable. Half the time she comments on the importance of THE
    THING YOU JUST DID. This is just about unforgivable. On the other hand, she
    does significantly improve on past partners by not interrupting you if you
    decide to pursue something unrelated to the main quest, and yet at the same
    time is always available to provide analysis, plot summary, a report on your
    overall and session playtime, and even banter if you want it.
    Her presence is also a very effective story decision that, perhaps
    paradoxically, makes the plot flow much more naturally than in other Zelda
    games. In other titles, partway through the neverending train of near misses
    and chance encounters, you can't help but feel like somebody's gone ahead and
    stacked the deck for you; in Skyward Sword, you're explicitly TOLD that
    somebody has, so it ends up feeling like all is just as it should be. You're
    travelling to certain locations and doing things in a certain order not just
    because the game requires it, but because the Goddess herself wants you to, and
    that's a lot easier to swallow from a narrative standpoint. She makes a
    memorable debut, waking you in the middle of the night and then leading you
    around a large chunk of Skyloft for no discernible reason before ushering you
    into the Temple of the Goddess, where you receive the Goddess Sword and start
    your adventure. With Fi's intrepid presence ever at your beckon call, you're
    lead to the three corners of the earth in pursuit of Zelda and the three
    magical stone slabs that open the gates to them.
    Eventually, the time comes to enter the Thunderhead and uncover an ancillary
    temple to the Goddess built specifically for Link, her chosen hero. Put
    yourself in his shoes at this particular moment and you'll find that it's a
    weird feeling – that such a large structure was built hundreds of years ago for
    you specifically, and you're intended to make use of it however you need to. On
    top of little details like Fi always addressing you as 'Master' and obeying
    your every command, it really gets across the feeling that this whole thing is
    a little bigger than just you. Though an important one, you are only one player
    in a drama that's unfolding on a more significant scale. Anyway, the leggy
    songstress shows off her voice in possibly the creepiest musical sequence I've
    ever watched, in the process teaching Link a new tune for his Goddess Harp.
    They spend the next long section of quest gathering the flames of each of the
    Three Goddeses, so that Link can 'enhance' his 'Skyward Sword.' The only time
    she does not accompany him is when Link must enter the Silent Realms, and even
    then she encourages him to keep trying again and again when he fails. And with
    the end in sight, Fi urges Link forward.
    Right at the end, she has two unprecedented moments of emotion. The first comes
    right before Link follows Demise into the pocket reality that plays host to
    their duel (the latter intending for it to also serve as the former's grave),
    where she promises him that even on the other side she'll be with him. The last
    is when all is finally done and the time has come to seal the Master Sword into
    the Temple of the Goddess. Her purpose complete, she yields to her programming
    and self-terminates, vowing to sleep inside the Master Sword for all eternity.
    And since she never does reappear at any later point in the timeline, it would
    seem that she does. It's a pretty sad ending for a girl who's been with us
    almost since the beginning. Link tries to persuade her to resist her fate, but
    her mind's made up. Before she fades completely, however, she confides that in
    a strange way, she's enjoyed their adventures together, and offers Link her
    undying gratitude in the most poignantly worded way possible. Then she's gone.
    Also, those legs. For real.
    F i r s t  M a t e
    Loyal to the death
    Race: Stalfos
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    The pirates' second-in-command, distinguished by his blue bandana to the
    rank-and-file's purple, serves as a sort of lieutenant to Captain Stalfos, and
    as such the majority of the ship's day-to-day functions fall to him. He is
    particularly harried when the good captain goes insane, forcing him to take
    command in the meantime. He is the main pirate with whom we deal on our
    adventure, and we encounter him several times throughout its course. His main
    function is to explain things, command the crew, give us instructions, and help
    Mr Akindo conduct business. He's also a pretty cool customer most of the time,
    somehow managing to keep the operation from falling apart in spite of the
    monumental incompetence of everyone around him.
    F l e d g e
    #1 fan
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    One of Link's kouhai at the Knight Academy, Fledge is a talentless but
    exceptionally hardworking young man who tirelessly endeavours towards one day
    becoming a Knight of Skyloft. He's sort of like Naruto in that way, and yes I
    just referenced Naruto yet again deal with it kthx. Pushed around by Groose and
    his boys, harried by Henya, and with a long road ahead of him, he strides
    forward with nothing but sheer guts and the support or the few people who
    believe he can succeed. Eventually he comes to the decision that doing a whole
    bunch of push-ups each night will not only drastically increase his upper body
    strength but also magically make him better at everything else as well, which
    he somehow turns out to be right about. At first he doesn't see much progress,
    unable to get the 1000 reps per night he feels he needs, but thanks to Link's
    advice that it's 'not about numbers' he finds the strength to push through and
    eventually gains the power to hurl pumpkins with great force. This not only
    nets Link five Gratitude Crystals but also opens up Pumpkin Pull, wherein Link
    must use his Bow to shoot flying pumpkins out of the air (gaining a points
    bonus for consecutive hits), the ultimate reward for which is a Piece of Heart
    and hundreds of pounds of wasted food.
    F l o r e n c e
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Out of the five main girls in Irdozuki Chinkuru, Florence is definitely my
    favourite. Azusa and Raia are out for obvious reasons, and Emera is shallow and
    annoying. Iona is ok, but a little unmotivated and unsure of herself, and while
    Florence has weaker versions of the same problem, her extreme cuteness and
    sweet heart won me over. I still picked Emera at the end because I assume it's
    the canon story, but that's beside the point. Florence is a young doctor who
    lives somewhere in the vicinity of Page 3, travelling around making house calls
    with her briefcase of medical paraphernalia. She drops this item when Tingle
    first approaches her, and when he returns it, his entire body brimming with
    infatuation, she screams and leaves. After gaining the power of time travel,
    however, he can come back and find her once more in front of the house, trying
    to treat Piitaa, who is avoiding her. She freaks again and tries to flee up the
    water tower, but reevaluates Tingle's scariness when he Love Pushes her. They
    talk for a while, and she moans about not being able to do what she wants
    before running away in tears. A return trip and subsequent Love Push will cause
    her to open up even more, as she wonders if she's only wasting her time out
    here. Tingle encourages her to travel to the City, and she has a sudden
    epiphany like, yes, let's not sit around talking about it any more, let's DO
    it, and she heads off immediately. She then stops off at the port of Page 10,
    staring morosely out at the ocean. One final Love Push will fill her last
    heart, and as a crowd of onlookers eavesdrop, she promises to look for him at
    the dance party. She is the final dance partner Tingle must steal from
    Nimidanshaku, but there's probably no significance to that. Given her own
    feelings, she is surprisingly supportive of Tingle's and Emera's relationship.
    F l u t e  B o y
    Talent show favourite
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
    A Kakariko Village native, the fanon-flaunting Flute Boy had gained a sturdy
    reputation even in his youth, fascinating onlookers with the apparent ability
    to communicate with animals using a small blue flute. He even had a pet bird
    that flew with him everywhere. In time, however, he heard the rumours of the
    Golden Power and set off to get his commoner’s hands on it. His motivations
    aren’t exactly clear, but since nobody in Kakariko is mad at him or anything,
    he must have either been merely misguided or had some community-oriented
    altruistic purpose in mind; I like to believe he was questing for his
    terminally ill girlfriend. He set off for Death Mountain, made his way into
    what was once the Golden Land, and promptly found himself in dangerous
    territory and unable to travel back. As happens to everyone who wanders in
    without satisfying certain conditions (either consummate knowledge, a balance
    of all three Triforce influences, or possession or use of a Moon Pearl), his
    body also took on the form of his true heart, in his case a robed goblin-like
    creature. Under constant attack from Ganon’s minions and other malcontents that
    had sprung up in the no-longer-sacred realm, he managed to take refuge in the
    Haunted Grove.
    When Link stumbles upon him in the midst of his Hyrulean explorations, it is in
    the form of what have to be more or less taken as psychic emanations; Flute
    Boy, jubilantly dancing atop a stump, seems to be holding regular concerts for
    his fuzzy compatriots, using the Flute to broadcast a pirate signal across
    worlds. This is an ability Link certainly never displays (though it’s possible
    he chooses not to or we just don’t witness the effects, but we can’t be sure),
    suggesting Flute Boy has a much greater mastery over the item than Link ever
    attains, which is logical enough considering it belongs to him. Flute Boy’s
    tunic and hat are nicely representative of what we would imagine as Hyrulean
    youth fashion, although his hairstyle is a little ‘can I see your other eye.’
    Everybody seems to be having a grand time, but as soon as Link draws near,
    everybody freaks out, the animals skitter off, and Flute Boy himself
    mysteriously fades into nothingness.
    Correctly guessing that, as seems to have become a pattern in his life lately,
    the answer to this phenomenon lies in the Dark World, Link moves to investigate
    and does indeed find Flute Boy standing on precisely the same spot in the
    parallel dimension. Flute Boy has become quite depressed by his condition, and
    asks if Link can help him fulfill his one and only wish: To be reunited with
    his beloved instrument, which is actually still somewhere in the Light World
    (which might, come to think of it, explain why he was able to transcend
    boundaries and why he ended up in Haunted Grove in particular.) After agreeing
    to help him, Link gets the Shovel, which right there is a pretty sweet deal.
    After warping to the Light World grove, destroying the idyllic field, and
    recovering the Flute, Link eagerly heads back through his portal only to find
    that what was a stump in the Light World is a creepy sapling in the Dark World.
    Also, it’s Flute Boy. Somehow his transformation went several steps further
    while our backs were turned. Grateful, Flute Boy asks for one more refrain, and
    then, if I remember this correctly, stiffens into a braindead shell.
    His last request was for Link to return the Flute to his father in Kakariko,
    but the old-timer promptly pays it forward to Flute Boy’s old pigeon, who got
    real sad when he could not follow his master into the unknown, and as a result
    landed on his hometown weathervane and turned to stone. Hearing the call to
    attention, the fowl breaks free of its self-sentenced imprisonment and promptly
    becomes quite upset with Link for making him think that Flute Boy had returned,
    but, as a number of unsettlingly intelligent animals do in this series,
    realises that he can do something to help in the fight against evil. Link not
    only retains the Flute and comes into an easy way to obliterate Pols Voices,
    but immediately gains the ability to summon the bird at any time to fly him to
    any of eight locations across the map, including an area he couldn’t access
    before. (So you can see that first we get the Whistle, now the Flute - called
    the Ocarina in the original Japanese - and later on, the Ocarina and then a
    slew of others; it’s kind of an interesting progression.)
    Happily, as a result of Link’s wish to the Triforce to undo all the damage
    caused by Ganon’s ambition, Flute Boy is seen in the credits reunited with his
    father, and all is well.
    F o u r  S i s t e r s  a n d  t h e i r  O t e n t o u
    Legendary magicians
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Iroduzki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    In the distant past, perhaps hundreds of years ago, these four magical girls
    became renowned as saviours for vanquishing some dangerous beast. Perhaps it
    was Baron. More recently, they have mostly gone their separate ways, though the
    three eldest occasionally meet for special occasions. The three oldest are all
    large, buxom and fond of flowing dresses, and attended by a different number of
    cap-wearing ladybug-like creatures of varying colours. The youngest, Majiyo, is
    the black sheep of the family, and has become evil.
    Buruu-fujin – The eldest sister and seemingly the most skilled magician. We
    don't encounter her until Page 14, right before the dance party, at which point
    she must be Love Pushed so that she will have the bartender make us a...glass
    of juice, as it turns out. And it's blue. And it's necessary because you're not
    allowed onto the dance floor without a drink in your hand, since the King's
    about to call for a toast, which is kind of a bad idea since people tend to
    throw their empty glasses onto the floor at dance parties. Everyone else has a
    stone cup, but Tingle and Buruu-fujin get glass glasses. Right before Tingle
    follows Majiyo and his own companions through the portal, she upgrades
    Pachinko, so that it is now in the form of a muscly and sculpted Tingle, with
    the sling itself suspended between his outstretched hands. It is now also more
    powerful, although we only ever fight one enemy with it so we have no basis for
    comparison. After the battle, she scolds Majiyo and imprisons her in a cage,
    which is apparently made of cardboard because she escapes immediately
    afterward. Buruu-fujin has distinct glasses, similar to those of Majiyo but
    blue, and is attended by a single bespectacled blue otentou.
    Hana-ya no obasan – The second-eldest sister owns the flower shop in Aomono
    Village. Her continual absenteeism is a great source of weariness for the green
    otentou who is made to run the place while she's away. She ends up asking
    Tingle to take the shop's dog, Edelweiss, for a walk, since she can't do it
    herself, and will pay him a modest fee for his services. When she somehow
    realises that Tingle is the man her boss has been keeping an eye out for, she
    immediately calls her up, and within seconds she's arrived. And then she gives
    him a magical balloon that can travel through time. (Is this how Tingle is able
    to appear in multiple eras within the Zelda series? Although I guess a lot of
    other characters do it without any explanation.) Oh, and she has a balloon of
    her own, but whereas Tingle's signature red device expands out of his backpack,
    hers is seemingly just a child's toy. At the end of the game, she gathers the
    otentou to bid Tingle farewell. The orange otentou travels with her.
    Uranai obasan – The second-youngest sister, she looks like a fat Princess
    Peach. She lives in a tiny house in a glade, though it's bigger on the inside
    than it is on the outside. Using her arcane television set, she explains
    various concepts to Tingle, such as the details of travelling between pages
    using his new balloon. On that note, she's the first person he encounters on
    his first trip back in time, as he gets the item on Page 7 and uranai obasan
    resides on Page 3. She is delegated the remaining otentou: Red, green, blue,
    yellow and purple. (Yes, there are two blue ones...I think.) The red otentou
    gets into a fight with his younger brother, the purple one, causing the latter
    to flee in tears. But it was really just a stupid argument, and now the red
    otentou is extremely worried, and asks for any information Tingle might have as
    to purple's whereabouts. As it turns out, after clearing Page 7 purple can be
    found at Aomono Village Station, where he asks for a number of ingredients to
    make the Arumagedonburi (that's a portmanteau of Armageddon + donburi, lol.
    Also, this is a Secret.) He then continues his journey, and they happen to meet
    up again on Page 12, where he has completed his masterpiece and wants to share
    it with the world, but due to the fact that he walks around in a purple cowl
    all the time everyone is suspicious of him. Tingle, however, brings the dish to
    Nimidanshaku, who waffles for a bit before deciding that he will deign to try
    it. He is amazed, and demands to see the chef, whom he then gives a job. It's
    all a little strange. Purple leaves behind the sack containing his possessions,
    which can be brought back to Page 3, reassuring red and unlocking a Secret.
    Which is interesting, since the reassurance chronologically occurs before the
    items were collected at all.
    Majiyo – The youngest sister and most definitely its outcast. Segaare calls her
    on his cellular telephone at the end of Page 9 (at which point she instructs
    him to derail the liner), but she first appears physically in Page 12's opening
    scenes as she observes Tingle's entrance from afar. Her most notable feature is
    her pointed red glasses, and the fact that she bears no resemblance whatsoever
    to her sisters. She longs to return to the days when she was young and popular
    with the boys, and engineers an overly complicated plan whose principal
    ingredient is a man who has been unpopular with the ladies his entire life but
    becomes quite popular in a very short time. As such, much of the game's events,
    even those that bring the party closer to the City, is a result of her stacking
    the deck, which is probably a lot more than you gave her credit for isn't it?
    Using her son Segaare as her field agent, she succeeds in choosing Tingle as
    the subject, having him become popular, and guiding him to Emerald City. The
    timing is still slightly off, however, so to delay things slightly she poisons
    Princess Emera. In the guise of Mrs M, she compels Tingle to concoct a medicine
    to heal her. Thanks to his time-travelling powers, however, he accomplishes the
    task instantly, but she pretty much says, whatever good enough, and brings him
    to her. Tingle successfully heals and then Love Pushes her, much to Majiyo's
    delight. As it turns out, however, her plan worked too well, and now Tingle has
    grown so strong that she is unable to capture and use him. She substitutes in
    Emera's stalker, Shigumasento, acknowledging that the effect will not be nearly
    as great but claiming that it will still suffice. As Tingle is filled with the
    power of the affection he has garnered from his girls, she transforms into a
    hundred-foot tall woman in a long black dress, and proceeds to assault him with
    images of her own face, gigantic worms with her face on the front, and dozens
    of man-sized wrestler types that have her face. Her weak point is her face.
    Eventually she is seemingly defeated, reduced to only her face, surrounded by
    six hands that rotate around, intermittently blocking the weak point on her
    forehead. When she reappears and it shows her new name, for some reason the
    final character is written in hangeul. Don't know what that's about. In this
    form she attacks by forming images of herself, principally her face, which
    attack if left alone for too long, but also of the Princess, which injure
    Tingle if he hits them on accident. Eventually she falls and everyone
    admonishes her, imprisoning her in a cage for her impudence. Segaare has been
    captured as well and is thrown in with her. The two are left to their own
    devices, which ends up being a mistake, as they soon escape. The credits show
    them being pursued by the gang of squirrels that live in the forest of Page 4,
    however, so it seems unlikely they'll be causing anymore trouble.
    F r e e d l e
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    Oh wow. This guy, I mean, he’s a little bit scary, and I think I’d O_o a bit if
    I saw him on the street, but he’s a pretty cool cat all in all. He’s got some
    sweet round shades that are indeed straight out of the 70’s, a totally awesome
    hibiscus-laden hat, a striped turtleneck, a dorky haircut, and a massive
    tubular canister affixed to his back, all decked out in psychadelic colours of
    the gnarliest order. Just like an environmental activist from an overhyped
    television show, he carries his acoustic guitar with him everywhere. Or maybe
    it’s a banjo, but whatever the case he spends all his time strumming it in a
    secluded little spot on northeast Mercay Island. If you speak to him and can
    sift through his radical verbiage, he’ll help you enter Tag Mode to trade Ship
    Parts and other treasures over Nintendo WFC. Some people have speculated that
    he is related to Beedle, but aside from his similar name and nose there’s
    nothing whatsoever to suggest that he is, and Nintendo is usually good about
    making obvious allusions when this stuff happens so that those of who pay close
    attention can work it out :) So nah, I’m saying no relation, he’s just another
    soul trying to make it in this crazy, mixed-up world we call capitalist society.
    F u z o
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    Master Eddo’s apprentice, Fuzo is presumably learning the art of the mechanic
    and how to manufacture, fine-tune and repair all manner of delicate yet
    powerful contraptions. When we meet him, though, he doesn’t seem to be doing
    any of those things. Instead, he’s watching the shop while Eddo sits in the
    back room hard at work on his latest project. Although he never does much of
    anything useful, he does open up a side-door so that Link can access pretty
    much the entirety of Cannon Island, eventually coming up to Master Eddo’s door
    so that he can place an order. Now listen, I’ve held back up to now, but
    Phantom Hourglass’s islands have some pretty lame names. CANNON Island? And
    they make cannon there? That’s a bit much of a coincidence. And the Isle of
    Ember? Sounds like something I’d make up when I was 8 and obsessed with
    Charmander’s Ember attack. ‘Hey guys, what do we call this snowy island? Snow
    Island?’ ‘No way man, call it the Isle of FROST! It backwards AND uses
    awesomely awesome word!’ ‘D00d no wai u too original bro! :D’
    F y e r  a n d  F a l b i
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Fyer and Falbi’s Watertop Land of Fantastication is a very sly business venture
    located at Lake Hylia. Both men are quite jolly, and Fyer appears to have a
    wen. Both dress like carnies, or maybe clowns, which is sort of the point.
    Fyer, a cannon enthusiast, fires Link out of his giant cannon for a mere 10
    Rupees, which rockets him up to Falbi’s high position near the Great Hylia
    Bridge. From here, the participant can then pay Falbi 20 Rupees to grab a Cucco
    and float slowly down to the water, hopefully to the Isle of Riches, a man-made
    island on which they have placed a number of Rupee-filled treasure chests. Only
    one chest gets refilled on future attempts; the rest are oneshots. From this
    platform, one can return to Fyer’s portion of the game by a log bridge from the
    Isle to his shack. If you do well, you can earn 70 Rupees each run. Quite an
    original mini-game, if you ask me.
    Fyer twice helps advance your quest. Auru, one of Telma’s boys, once saved his
    life, and Auru calls him on that debt. Fyer agrees to help Link enter the
    Desert Province, which in Twilight era is adjacent to the Lake, again by firing
    him out of the cannon. Later on, Link finds an even bigger cannon that can fire
    him up to the City in the Sky, which Fyer repairs at a cost of 300 Rupees.
    This is a stretch, but Fyer may be a play on ‘fly’ (or ‘flyer,’ as in, one who
    flies, not an annoying ad you get in the mail) and Falbi may be a play on
    G a b o r a  a n d  Z u b o r a
    Awesome dudes
    Race: Hylian and...um.
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Gabora and Zubora run the Mountain Smithy in Snowhead, which is a strange name
    for a place, considering it was in perpetual spring before Skull Kid and Goht
    made it snowy. Unless Termina and Hyrule and such all have full seasonal
    systems and we just don’t see them, which would make sense come to think of it.
    Plus we actually see this in action in Holodrum. So ANYWAY, they work in a hut
    near Goron City, which mainly consists of a front desk, a table, and a forge.
    The pair are members of a fairly elite and utterly essential club in the Zelda
    universe, being makers of swords.
    Zubora, who seems to manage the business while Gabora does the labour, would be
    a true blue-collar type of guy if he had a collar, which he doesn’t. He does,
    however, have blue overalls, which prominently display his nipples, as well as
    a white sort of cap thing that rounds the top of his head in a nice contrast to
    his Hylian ears and impressive goatee. He also seems to drink a lot of what
    would ostensibly be coffee, except that it’s a sort of bluish-yellow, and has
    really sallow skin as well as a small, pointed moustache.
    Gabora is slightly more interesting, looking like Frankenstein’s monster if he
    were into S&M. Twice the height of a normal man, he makes good use of his
    monstrous strength to swing a suitably huge hammer, the one that will shape
    your blade. You can feel confident entrusting it to him; it’s in good hands.
    The process of upgrading your sword in Majora’s Mask is a touch complex, but
    only because the steps you go through all have to be done within a single
    three-day period. First, you have to give up your Kokiri Sword for
    ‘sharpening,’ which, after you leave it overnight, turns it into the Razor
    Sword, which is considerably more powerful and appears in much of the game’s
    official artwork, but lasts for only 100 uses before dulling back to the Kokiri
    Sword. We’re measuring things by number of uses now? What is this, Fire Emblem?
    Anyway, you can either just wait or, if you feel confident enough to take a
    two-minute walk while braving the horrors that are White Wolfos, you can head
    straight for the Goron Racetrack, where you must assume Goron form, talk to the
    Elder’s son (I guess this means you have to play the lullaby for him first,
    too) and then win the race. So we have Beaver Brothers, the Deku Butler and the
    Goron Racetrack - did anybody else ever notice this game’s fascination with
    racing? This is the most fun one, since bombing a hill while covered in spikes
    and destroying everything in your path is rather cathartic, although it is
    irksome that the other competitors can knock you around so easily when you’re
    in the body of supposedly the strongest Goron warrior who ever lived. When you
    win the race you get some Gold Dust in a Bottle, a sweet prize indeed; take the
    powdery stuff back to the Mountain Smithy, receive your Razor Sword, and then
    pass it back along with the Gold Dust. Zubora will be pretty startled by this
    turn of events but quite pleasantly surprised because you’ll be investing more
    money in them. After one more night, Gabora will have transformed your weapon
    into the Golden Sword, something we haven’t seen since A Link to the Past, the
    second-most powerful sword in the game (the most powerful being that of the
    Fierce Deity’s Mask). This one is permanent, too, with unlimited uses (Prf),
    and will even stay when you begin the three-day cycle anew.
    G a e p o r a
    Knight Academy Headmaster
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Zelda's father and general Skyloft boss, Gaepora is an energetic old guy with a
    pretty cool design. Very red, very bearded. He's also extremely understanding,
    forgiving Link his inability to share the details of his progress, only caring
    that his beloved daughter eventually winds up safe, and providing him with the
    time and resources he needs to work. Although he recognizes that his day has
    basically passed, he still helps where he can, occasionally providing direction
    or advice and always willing to share from his vast knowledge of Skyloft lore.
    This helps Link to advance his quest in several instances, not only
    precipitating his initial venture to the surface but also, for example,
    indirectly helping him to enter the Thunderhead. This shows pretty clearly that
    while he doesn't do much for the plot, he is a strong leader. He takes
    extremely long baths, which you can witness if you Clawshot into the chimney at
    nighttime, and has a small pet named Mia, one of those vaguely catlike animals
    that are your best friends during the day and then ****ing attack you when they
    see you at night. Seriously, why do Skylofters keep those animals, seriously
    why. Naturally, you will notice that his name bears a striking resemblance to
    that of Kaepora Gaebora, but this is never elaborated upon; Aonuma stated in an
    interview that this was merely due to some shared visual traits and both having
    a role as a guide.
    G a n o n
    The physical manifestation of evil
    Race: Gerudo
    Appearances: The Legend of Zelda
                 The Adventure of Link
                 A Link to the Past
                 Link’s Awakening
                 Ocarina of Time
                 Oracle of Seasons
                 Oracle of Ages
                 The Wind Waker
                 Four Swords Adventures
                 Twilight Princess
    Hoo boy. Ganon(dorf) is one awesome villain. The fiend has risen again and
    again to attempt to conquer Hyrule, whose inherent magical qualities are so
    strong he would effectively rule all existence if he were to succeed.
    Fortunately, it is his destiny to be perpetually thwarted. Ganon is the one
    character whom we KNOW is the same guy again and again, even when he shows up
    in games that take place hundreds of years apart. His longevity, apparently, is
    part of the effects of the Triforce of Power.
    This is also the cause of his appearance later in life; Triforce lore dictates
    that if one possesses the Triforce of Power without the Triforce of Wisdom, one
    will begin to morph and take on a pig-like form. Nintendo seems to
    differentiate between these two by referring to him in ‘human’ form as
    Ganondorf, and ‘giant pig’ form as Ganon. I list him as Ganon because he makes
    way more appearances in giant pig form than human one. He’s alternately been
    called Mandrag Ganon (in A Link to the Past’s manual; it supposedly means Ganon
    of the Enchanted Thieves) and Ganondorf Dragmire (in Ocarina of Time, which I
    assume is an invention of Nintendo of America as a variant on Mandrag.)
    He makes his debut in pig form, of course, and as a pretty lame final boss. He
    had a sort of bluish hue, and would move invisibly around the boss chamber,
    pausing periodically to become briefly visible and toss fireballs at Link.
    After four hits from the Magical Sword, he turned brown, at which point a
    single shot from the Bow and Silver Arrow would reduce him to a pile of dust.
    On second thought, that was pretty sophisticated for 8-bit. I can imagine how
    frustrating it was to program. Story-wise, he was trying to get that
    all-important Triforce of Wisdom from Zelda, who broke it and hid the pieces.
    Being that he was dead, during Zelda II his minions tried to resurrect him with
    the blood of the one who vanquished him. If Link lost all his lives, a
    victorious chuckle sounded and Ganon’s silhouette appeared on the Game Over
    screen, because they had succeeded. That was the full extent of his
    contributions. However, he made quite a resurgence for A Link to the Past,
    wherein he brilliantly possessed Agahnim and used him as his pawn as he schemed
    to escape the Dark World. Oddly, he didn’t actually himself appear in Ganon’s
    Tower; instead, there was a second battle with Ganon assuming Agahnim form.
    Defeated, Ganon transformed into a bat, crashed through the roof of the Pyramid
    of Power, and showed his true form, which was basically an enhanced version of
    his original appearance. He added a few new attacks to his repertoire this time
    around, including collapsing parts of the floor, sending off volleys of Fire
    Keese and, notably, throwing around a trident. That trident also appeared when
    the Nightmares mimicked Ganon at the end of Link’s Awakening.
    In the prequel adventure Ocarina of Time, he is actually seen several times.
    Link glimpses him in his dream from the opening cinema, from the Hyrule Castle
    courtyard when the Gerudo monarch sweet-talks Zelda’s daddy, when the dream
    plays itself out and he conquers Hyrule Castle Town, and in the final battle.
    Ganon devises another brilliant scheme, as he desires the four keys that will
    unlock the Door of Time which leads to the Triforce. Gathering them by force
    proves to be impossible, but he leads Link on and allows him to gather them for
    him. When Link opens the Door, Ganondorf jumps in and lays hands on the
    Triforce. The Triforce, being an inanimate object, does not know good from evil
    and only grants his wish of taking over Hyrule. There is just enough resistance
    to stop him there for the time being, and Link spends the rest of the game
    gaining enough power to fight back. Most other games depict him as a
    power-hungry villain, but this time he’s shown to be a genius scholar who
    simply took it too far. Nice humanization.
    Interestingly, his main attack in this incarnation was similar to Agahnim’s: He
    threw magical orbs which had to be deflected to shock him, at which point he
    could be stunned with Light Arrows and finally damaged with the Master Sword.
    When this form was over, there was a brief escape sequence, after which he used
    the Triforce of Power to transform into the monstrous Ganon. His tail was his
    only weak point, but he could be stunned by shooting him in the head with Light
    Arrows. After taking a particularly heavy hit Link temporarily lost the Master
    Sword, the only weapon that could do anything more than superficial damage to
    Ganon, but Zelda retrieved it and was able to return it to him halfway through
    the fight. When defeated, he reverted to Ganondorf form and promised vengeance.
    He looked pissed, too. Oh, and ‘Phantom Ganon’ was the boss of the Forest
    Temple, which involved him flying out of portraits on horseback and the same
    game of tennis Link played with Agahnim.
    He also appeared in the Oracle saga, but I doubt very many people reached him.
    To fight him, one had to beat either game, beat a password-linked game, and
    defeat the ensuing Twinrova battle. No mean feat. Here, Ganon revealed that he
    was orchestrating the actions of Onox and Veran from behind the scenes.
    Defeating him was the same old song (but it’s a different meaning...), except
    that he was now able to transport players to a strange blue room in which the
    controls were reversed. He was quite thick-skinned here, too, as only the
    Master Sword or Biggoron’s Sword even scratched him unless he was dealt a Spin
    His next incarnation, in The Wind Waker, is my favourite. He is shown three
    times. Once, his face isn’t even shown, once, he tries to attack the good guys
    from the top of Forsaken Fortress but is ambushed, and then he gets a long
    cutscene before Link fights him. Here, it seems he has mellowed over the
    hundreds of years since his Ocarina defeat, and he is portrayed in a much more
    sympathetic light. He’s grown a wicked beard, and he’s quite a philosophical
    fellow. When he extracts Link’s and Zelda’s pieces of the Triforce, he is very
    careful not to hurt them, whereas before he would probably have just killed
    He is also the coolest final boss in any video game, ever. Link and Zelda
    tag-team as he attacks with dual swords. First, Link must parry Ganondorf’s
    attacks, rolling behind him to slash at his back. Zelda jumps in at the same
    time Ganondorf figures out how to block the parry attacks, and she takes up
    Link’s Hero’s Bow and fires Light Arrows at Ganondorf, damaging him. After a
    bit, Ganondorf gets annoyed and knocks her out, and Link is on his own until
    she wakes. When she does, well, being a genius, Ganondorf’s been working on how
    he’ll block her Light Arrows even as he fought. Zelda is no idiot either
    though, and formulates a desperate gambit and starts to fire AT LINK! Link uses
    the Mirror Shield to deflect her shots at Ganondorf, finishing him off. So cool.
    This game poses a few interesting things to look at. For one thing, Forsaken
    Fortress is clearly Gerudo Fortress taken over by Moblins, so it’s fitting that
    Ganondorf would return to his old base of operations and retrofit it with
    new-age contrivances. Next, the Three Goddesses first allowed him to be sealed
    inside the Golden Land. This didn’t work, so when the seal weakened they
    flooded Hyrule in torrential rains to keep him locked in. Somehow, he still
    escaped! Think about this - they drowned an entire country just to contain him
    and he STILL couldn’t be stopped! How badass is that!? Lastly, in the ending
    cutscene, Link stabs him in the head and loses the Master Sword in the process
    as Ganondorf’s body turns to stone. And yet he appears in later games. Dude.
    The Wind Waker also had a Puppet Ganon as one of three bosses leading up to
    Ganondorf himself. This one required Link to sever its marionette strings with
    the Boomerang and then attack its weak tail. It was a more interesting fight
    than it sounds.
    His inclusion in Four Swords Adventures is a little cheap, in my opinion. He
    shows up in the end with almost zero foreshadowing, in the Palace of Winds no
    less, a place where he shouldn’t even be. The only thing noteworthy about that
    battle is the Four Swords twist on it, and the fact that Zelda is mildly
    involved in it. It’s pathetically easy, too. Furthermore, I’m not entirely
    comfortable with the retcons this game introduces. It states that Ganondorf was
    born and raised in a town of the Zuna in the Desert of Doubt. The who in the
    where? Yeah. The Desert of Doubt includes a colossal Pyramid that originally
    housed a giant trident, until Ganon pilfered it and made it his signature
    weapon. So there’s your new origin story. I’m not even sure whether or not to
    trust it, considering the game was made by Capcom.
    I’m not actually sure he was originally intended to be in Twilight Princess,
    but if not he was integrated very well, so I’m glad he did. It’s a little
    confusing, though. We see four nameless Sages ready to execute Ganondorf, who
    has a crazy new hairstyle, in front of the Mirror of Twilight at the Arbiter’s
    Grounds prison. He is wounded badly, but using the Triforce of Power he escapes
    his bonds, kills one of the Sages and escapes. This is cool, but when exactly
    did it take place? Oh well. He goes into hiding for a while and starts to feed
    off the Twili’s hatred for the Hylians, regaining strength from this.
    Eventually he manipulates their self-proclaimed king into helping him achieve
    his goals.
    And I raved about Waker’s final boss battle. Well, Twilight’s is pretty cool
    too, so it deserves a close look. It begins with Ganondorf possessing Zelda’s
    currently soulless body and attacking Link with it. This is quite cool because
    he uses the sword we’ve seen Zelda holding in all the concept art. We play the
    usual hit-the-ball-of-energy-back-at-Ganondorf thing, and he fights back with
    sword lunges and magical assaults, and then he transforms into Ganon. Our
    customary pig form, that is. This is a unique version in that he’s on all fours
    and doesn’t carry a weapon. After stunning him with an arrow and attacking the
    place where the Sages wounded him (his weak spot), Link takes on his wolf form
    and uses Midna’s giant orange hand to wrestle him into submission, then attack
    with his fangs. Looks like the mighty beast has fallen for good, but this is
    Ganondorf we’re talking about. We’re transported outside and Ganondorf takes to
    horse as Link and Zelda fight him from atop Epona. Zelda fires Light Arrows to
    stun him and Link rides up and delivers a follow-up slash. After a few rounds
    of this, Ganondorf draws the sword that wounded him so long ago – it’s made of
    pure light - and he and Link go toe-to-toe in a no-holds-barred sword battle.
    He’s almost as skilled here as in Waker, but has more of an emphasis on raw
    physical power over Waker incarnation’s finesse. Eventually, Link drives the
    Master Sword into his vulnerable wound, ending this epic four-stage struggle.
    He’s also a playable character in Super Smash Bros Melee and Brawl, but there’s
    not much to say about that. He’s one of the clone characters, meaning he shares
    most of the moves of another character (in this case, Captain Falcon) but has
    some different traits. He’s pretty heavy and slow, but powerful. Last I
    checked, he was Mid-Tier in Melee, and very nearly the absolute worst-rated
    character in Brawl.
    G e n e r a l  O n o x
    Bombad general
    Race: Uh...Iron Knuckle?
    Appearances: Oracle of Seasons
    Strangely, even though he is the ultimate boss your first time through Oracle
    of Seasons, he really only plays a bit part. On the other hand, he does set a
    great game in motion. Although Ganon, a supremely powerful magician, sets his
    sights on Hyrule, Onox’s goals are not so lofty. Instead, he’s willing to start
    with the smaller and relatively inconsequential Holodrum. Of course, we later
    learn that Ganon is manipulating him from behind the scenes to further his own
    Onox starts by capturing Din, the Oracle of Seasons, and setting her in a giant
    crystal (much like Ganondorf did to Zelda in Ocarina of Time.) He then sinks
    the Temple of Seasons into Subrosia, the subterranean land beneath Holodrum,
    and disables its four towers. Without either of those two forces to govern
    them, Holodrum’s seasons spin wildly out of control, threatening to rip the
    realm apart.
    Luckily, Link recovers the Rod of Seasons and retrieves eight elements of Gaia,
    then faces Onox head-on. To begin, Onox is covered in a heavy suit of armour,
    greatly resembling an Iron Knuckle. He swings around a giant ball and chain,
    much like a Ball and Chain Soldier. After being damaged a little, he has Din’s
    crystal rotate around him as yet another layer of armour, but Link bats it out
    of the way with the Rod of Seasons. Finally, he transforms into an immense
    Chinese-ish dragon that spits fireballs and slaps Link around. Link must jump
    onto his hands and then glide over to his head to hit the jewel there with his
    sword. After a few hits to this jewel, Onox goes away for good.
    G e n t a r i
    All-knowing elder
    Race: Minish
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    Gentari is the elder of Minish Village and by extension the effective leader of
    all Minish in Hyrule. After Link masters the Minish language by scarfing down
    the Jabber Nut, he, Gentari and Ezlo have a nice conversation about the
    impending destruction of everything they know and love, as well as possible
    countermeasures. Combining their respective knowledge of ancient lore, Gentari
    and Ezlo determine that the best course of action is to obtain the four
    elements, of whose locations Gentari is luckily well aware and able to pass
    onto the heroes. The first happens to be out back behind his house. The others
    are not quite so easily obtained. Moustachioed, Gentari wears the red hat of
    the Forest Minish but dons the tan robes of an elder rather than the forest
    green jerkin of his comrades. His brother, Librari, lives in the Hyrule Town
    G h i r a h i m
    Cosplay material
    Race: Demon
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Well, Ghirahim is one of the slimier Zelda bosses, that's for sure. A creepy
    albino with too much makeup and a Beroringa's tongue, he wears skintight
    bodysuits and squirms like a Dancing Queen. He's also prideful to a fault, not
    only believing that he has a birthright to practically everything he sees, but
    that he's pretty much the second-most impressive being in the universe. On
    multiple occasions he even lets Link go in spite of his supposed ability to
    wipe him out, just to prove that his opponent really is as insignificant as he
    claims he is. All of his actions, however, are directed in service to an even
    more powerful demon: Demise, the ancient being who almost killed Hylia, the
    supposedly supreme Goddess who was then forced to hide in mortal form. Skyward
    Sword tries an interesting new tactic that has worked quite well for RPGs
    (note: Zelda is not an RPG), which is revealing the big bad early on and
    allowing us to really get a feel for him well in advance of the final
    encounter, thus adding weight to it. It uses the same trick with the
    Imprisoned, as well.
    We first see only his ankle as he follows Link into the Forest Temple, but he
    shows up for a little boss battle right at the end. This skirmish shows off his
    ability to catch Link's sword in midstrike should you attack from the wrong
    angle; if you fail the resulting quicktime event he can even snatch it away
    from you, leaving you temporarily weaponless, before eventually throwing it at
    you like a spear, after which it skids across the floor to a halt and can be
    retrieved, the battle resumed. He'll occasionally summon a ring of daggers and
    fire them at you, but once you've figured out the correct way to attack him
    (without accidentally triggering an attack while trying to reposition your
    sword – damn MotionPlus), he'll take off. You'll run into him again at the end
    of the Fire Temple, where he further mocks Link in spite of his continuing
    progress, and sics Scaldera on him. He pulls something similar in the Ancient
    Cistern, reanimating an ancient robot and making what would otherwise be a
    quite walk through a mostly empty room into one of the longer and more
    dangerous boss battles. They also have a brief scrap at the Temple of Time, as
    Ghirahim finally catches up with Zelda and Impa (the latter of whom seems to
    cause him profound annoyance for some reason) and is about to take them out
    when Link appears to buy them the precious seconds they need to escape.
    Frustrated, he confronts Link again at Death Mountain Crater, determined to
    take him out himself, and for good. However, although Ghirahim has gained some
    new threads and a little vitality, most of his patterns are the same and he
    again takes off with a scoff.
    Link has spent the intervening time trying to repair the second Gate of Time,
    since Impa destroyed the other one in order to prevent Ghirahim from following
    them through it, but all their efforts ends up for nought. Link drops a
    building on Demise's head, killing him, and revives Zelda, but Ghirahim speeds
    onto the scene, kidnapping the non-Princess. He announces that Demise, although
    Imprisoned, is still alive in the distant past, and quickly whisks her off to a
    thousand years earlier via the Gate. When Link gives chase, he summons about a
    hundred Bokoblins to stall his heroly efforts. He explicitly tells them he
    doesn't care if they all get slaughtered in the process, as long as they
    sufficiently harry him, and that they should be more afraid of the consequences
    of failure than of Link (which is bad logic, considering what would happen if
    they helped Link defeat Ghirahim). In spite of this, Link fights his way down
    the slope and still arrives in time, further enraging the already overworked
    demon. He decides that the time has finally come for him to show his true form,
    essentially that of Demise's sword, and a three-part battle ensues as Link
    attempts to get at the jewel embedded in Ghirahim's chest. At first, Ghirahim
    teleports them high above the bottom level and onto a floating platform made of
    magic. He's now encased in flexible black metal, and Link quickly finds he
    can't injure him, but by attacking relentlessly he can knock him off the
    platform and down to a lower one, stunning him. Their return to the bottom of
    the Sealed Temple spiral signals the beginning of the dodge-and-counterattack
    section of the battle, until finally Ghirahim materialises a chainsaw-like
    sword. Though reasonably powerful, the weapon is insubstantial and thus less
    than durable. With a sustained sword assault, Link can shatter it into thin
    air, making Ghirahim temporarily vulnerable to a thrust attack to his weak
    point. Link ultimately delivers the winning blow, but it's still too late. The
    ritual has continued as they fought, Zelda's soul has been sucked out, and
    Demise appears.
    And then the very first thing he does is murder the loyal servant who has
    toiled tirelessly to return him to full strength.
    I guess it's a worthy end for him, actually, considering the kind of demon he
    was. Ultimately, Ghirahim is a little bit of a lost opportunity, as although he
    definitely had the potential to be cool and memorable, his ineffectiveness and
    lack of quotability mean he'll likely end up regarded as a curiosity rather
    than a truly great and memorable foe.
    G h o s t  R i n g l e a d e r
    Lovelorn spectre
    Race: Hylian ghost
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    I can't remember how I arrived at this name, whether it's in the game or I read
    it somewhere or I made it up myself, but here we are. I mean it to refer to a
    heartbroken young woman who died and was then interred at Icy Plain. Like
    seemingly 90% of ghosts in the Zelda universe, however, she decides to stick
    around for a while, in this case to see if she can ultimately ever find
    requited love. The man she sets her sights on, however, is the Port Town Guard,
    who is already happily married. Sickeningly jealous, the girl exacts her
    revenge by siccing some of her most powerful spirit underlings on the poor
    lady, striking her with debilitating illness and leaving her husband at a loss.
    In time, however, Tingle comes to understand the cause of her affliction, and
    upon hearing this information the Guard takes up his trusty spear and sets out
    with him to exorcise ghosts and not afraid of anything. They travel to the
    Ghost Ringleader's grave, roust her, defeat her bodyguards and then smack her
    around a bit. Eventually she concedes defeat and apologizes for her
    wrongdoings, saying she only ever wanted to be loved, which is really just sad.
    It gets much less tragic if you read her headstone, which says she was only
    eight years old when she died, promptly killing the romance angle.
    G o l d e n  C h i e f  C y l o s
    Frogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
    Race: Lesser Deity
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    Cylos is a giant, moustachioed, golden frog who resides on the Uncharted Island
    in the fourth quadrant of the Ocean King’s waters. To access his cave, Link
    must first map out the island, walking around its entire perimeter and
    sketching its general shape down onto his Sea Chart (using the DS’s touch
    screen), along with a few other features of interest. Following this, the
    Uncharted Island reveals itself to be in the shape of a whale, after which the
    cryptic clues offered make a lot more sense and Link is able to determine the
    correct order in which to hit the island’s four switches. Upon dong so, the
    mysterious cave at the centre of the island opens up and Link enters, and
    promptly finds himself greeted by Golden Chief Cylos.
    As a fellow light-aligned deity, Cylos is good friends with the Ocean King and
    wants to see him do well. To that end, he offers Link the only real assistance
    he has to offer, the Cyclone Slate. Much like the operations of the similarly
    named Zephos and Cyclos from The Wind Waker (who were also lesser deities who
    took the form of giant frogs), this little piece of gnarliness allows Link to
    instantaneously warp across the map from anywhere at any time, provided certain
    conditions have been met. In Hourglass, this means encountering one of the Six
    Golden Frogs spread unevenly across the oceanic quadrants, shooting it with the
    cannon in order to get its attention and befriend it, and learning its
    particular symbol. Once he has it down, he can call up the slate at any time
    when aboard the S.S. Linebeck, scratch out a quick pattern, and be lifted into
    the skies on the wings of a whirlwind, only to come down seconds later at his
    chosen warp point. Like in Waker, these hotspots aren’t always located as
    conveniently as they could be, but, given the alternative, none of us is about
    to complain.
    Cylos has an outie belly button.
    G o l o
    Assistant archaeologist
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    The only other Goron, and for that matter just about the only other sentient
    being, seen beneath the clouds, Golo is Gorko's assistant. You can find him in
    a small cave network that connects the starting area of Lanayru Mines with more
    far-flung locations like that raised quicksand area with the door that can only
    be reached by Clawshot. Of the four tunnels in the hub area of the caves, one
    is blocked, and our tall-haired friend is excavating it. If you stop to chat
    with him he'll ask for a 10-Rupee donation to the cause; if you contribute,
    he'll eventually strike Timestone ore as he works through the rock, and will
    pay out 100 Rupees in dividends, a 1000% return on your principal investment,
    as we say in the biz. More importantly, although most of the rock is too hard
    to penetrate, he will have opened a narrow passage level with the ground, and
    your Bomb-bowling and belly-crawling skills will allow you to access Lanayru
    G o n d o
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Perpetually wearing a welding mask, the grandson of the finest machinist in the
    entirety of Skyloft history is no slouch himself. For a fee, he will happily
    upgrade some of your items. He might increase the capacity of your Bomb Bags or
    Quivers, strengthen your shield's durability, enlarge your Bug-Catching Net, or
    strengthen your projectiles, but his most intriguing improvements are made to
    your Beetle, lengthening the time it can spend in flight and adding a dash
    feature. Given the right collection of Treasures and a few Rupees for his
    labour, he'll move over to his workbench, whip some tools out of his belt and
    bang away for a while until he's ready to present you with your new toy.
    Because men are all about technology.
    His aforementioned grandfather was also fond of telling tales that most passed
    off as outlandish, but, as it turns out, were actually quite true. He left
    behind an ancient robot that he'd been attempting to fix, but never with any
    success, as the only lubricant capable of restoring it to working condition
    comes from a certain flower that died out hundreds of years ago. But given his
    Timestone-related adventures, Link has one ready to go! In a matter of seconds,
    Gondo's dream is fulfilled, and Link can begin hauling things up from beneath
    the clouds.
    In a strange way, Gondo also looks somewhat like how I envision the Tom Clancy
    character Max Moor, mainly because of the black ponytail.
    G o n g o r o n
    Prissy annoying little kid
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    Complaints about his snivelling personality aside, I actually really like
    Gongoron. First of all, he has a strange name, and that has to count for
    something. But more than that, he’s one of only six playable characters in the
    entire Zelda franchise, which is pretty cool in and of itself - the others
    being Kafei, Medli, Makar, Tingle, and Link himself, and you could even argue
    that Medli and Makar don’t even count cause they were maybe just being
    possessed by Link. However you look at it, Gongoron has amazing cachet as a
    playable character on par with Kafei, and we maintain control of him for some
    of the longest lengths of time (third only to Link and Tingle), so there.
    So now we have that out of the way. Gongoron is the son of Biggoron, leader of
    Goron Island. Yes, Goron Island. Once Link is finished running around the
    village memorizing useless facts about its features and populace, he passes
    Biggoron’s knowledge test and is initiated as an honourary member of the tribe,
    and access to the Goron Temple comes as part of the package. Biggoron, however,
    is concerned about Link’s ability to deal with the temple’s traps and layout on
    his own, so he commands Gongoron to accompany him. Which, isn't that a little
    backwards? He should be worrying about Gongoron way ahead of Link.
    Upon our introduction to this poor-tempered, worrying crybaby, he immediately
    makes clear his disdain for Link and then runs off to the temple without him.
    This is going great so far. So, Link must make his way to the temple solo,
    which he accomplishes with a modicum of difficulty, and enters only to find
    that Gongoron has run off inside and almost immediately found himself
    surrounded by Dodongos, with no means of escape. All right, it happens. So, as
    Link we must come to his rescue – only to find that Gongoron is going to help
    us accomplish it.
    We take control of the little guy and find that in some ways, he actually
    controls more smoothly than Link. Like all Gorons, Gongoron curls into a ball
    when he feels the need for speed, and after walking around for a few moments he
    gets his momentum up and does this automatically; after a bit he’s practically
    invincible if you can keep him moving. But he’s not limited to this unwieldy
    attack. He has a sort of homing attack activated by simply tapping his enemies.
    Utilising these skills, Gongoron is able to defeat the creatures and reunite
    with Link, at which point he becomes slightly more accepting of the task he’s
    been assigned and becomes progressively more helpful as the dungeon-busting
    tandem attack wears on.
    Eventually, after advancing past a number of puzzles (quite a few of them a
    step up from the standard ‘instruct helper character to stand on one switch
    while Link runs over to the other switch,’ although there’s some of that too),
    the pair enters the boss chamber, ready to take on the monster within. All of
    Phantom Hourglass’s bosses are inspired and creative, but this one has to be
    top three (after Bellum and Eox). It opens normally, but as the pair comes
    under attack they quickly become separated, Link at the door, Gongoron across a
    stretch of lava and pinned in with the boss.
    From here the object is to direct Bombchu across the floe and into the giant
    Dodongo’s mouth, as the species’ weakness to explosives has been
    well-documented since the original game. In order to stun the beast and allow
    Link an open shot, Gongoron must bait it into a charge and then attack its
    vulnerable sides while it collects itself. After three successful Bombchu
    strikes, a bridge forms allowing Link to cross and continue on when the
    behemoth stands once more. The fun part of the fight, though, is keeping the
    two alive; while knocking Gongoron around up top, he sends a legion of little
    guys to go after Link, requiring a constant juggling act to maintain both
    characters’ health bars as you manically switch back and forth, attacking with
    one character only to snap back to the other just in time to sidestep a
    potentially fatal assault. This becomes slightly easier when the two are nearer
    to each other, at which point Link functions more or less without Gongoron’s
    help, though you can try to be clever and still use one to keep attention off
    the other if you get cornered or something. Eventually, Link and Gongoron down
    their foe and recover the temple’s Pure Metal.
    Later on, he can be found working at tourist attraction Dee Ess Island with a
    few other Gorons. Post-Ice Temple, it turns out it’s the mighty Goron Races!
    ...Nostalgia... ...unchanged from Majora’s Mask... Except not as much fun,
    since it’s just time trials, but stylus controls might not have been able to
    handle the jostling anyway. You take control of Gongoron himself in his bid to
    take home the pennant.
    G o o d  B e e
    Sweet little bumblebee
    Race: Bee
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
    Honestly speaking, the Good Bee is in no way a character, but she’s just so
    cool I can’t help but give her a quick blurb. You can find her by dashing into
    the fountain in the cave where you find the Ice Rod, after which you can snag
    her with your Bug-Catching Net and store her in a Bottle. (It’s also possible
    to kill her with your sword, or kill yourself by walking into her repeatedly.)
    At this point, you can sell her in the Kakariko Village market, but why would
    you want to? Instead, you can unleash her on the forces of evil! Protect the
    hive from enemies! The Good Bee’s attack is noticeably stronger than that of
    regular Bees, and unlike regular Bees, after she’s finished working on all the
    enemies in an area, she’ll return to Link so as to flit back into her Bottle!
    She wants to be with you until the end; she gives her heart and her soul to you
    to make you see it through. The first time I read about that, I thought it was
    the coolest thing I’d ever heard.
    G o r k o  t h e  G o r o n
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Gorko, or, as I like to call him, Dorko, is a Goron studying archaeology on the
    surface of the world of Skyward Sword. First encountered just outside the
    Sealed Temple, he shows up a number of times throughout the game to share his
    love of ancient writings and to unknowingly provide Link with useful
    information. He is particularly interested in the stories that speak of a
    utopia above the clouds, and since no one in Zelda gives a straight answer
    ever, Link dickishly poker faces right through it. He's amazed by the way
    statues react to Link when he saves, and the fact that Link sometimes stands in
    front of them and then rockets into the sky. A little later, he explains the
    facts of Goddess Walls and their ability to provide the chosen hero with
    certain items he might need in his quest, like Arrows or Fairies. Eventually
    he'll stand in front of one Goddess Wall and indirectly request a specific
    item; if you acquiesce he'll happily reward you with a Heart Piece.
    G o r o n  E l d e r
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Ages
                 Twilight Princess
                 Spirit Tracks
    When Link climbs to Snowhead Mountain, he finds that Skull Kid has frozen it
    over. The snowbound Gorons are unable to search for food, but the Goron Elder
    bravely crawls into the blizzard and tries to find some healthful rock sirloin.
    He’s unsuccessful, and moreover, his son pines for his father and cries
    constantly. When the Elder finds out, he tries to teach Link the Goron’s
    Lullaby, but it’s so cold he forgets half of it. His son teaches Link the rest
    and promptly falls asleep, much to the relief of his roomies.
    The Elder is notable for a couple of reasons, mainly that he teaches us a few
    things about Goron biology. He’s a hunchback: A huge mound of rock has doubled
    his height. It weighs heavily on him, and he sometimes walks on all fours due
    to the burden. He also has huge lips, and he’s one of a handful of Gorons to
    sport visible hair. Secondly, he carries a pair of Goron Bongos, one of only
    two Gorons seen to do so (though it’s possible that they’re a very common item,
    just rarely used.)
    He’s a little zestier in Oracle of Ages, with a beard resembling Darunia’s and
    a lot of muscles. Not enough muscles, unfortunately, to break through a cave-in
    that has cut him off from the rest of the tribe. Link travels to the past,
    defeats the Great Moblin, and wins a Bomb Flower for his troubles. (Strangely,
    unlike those in the 3D games it does not explode immediately after picking.) He
    hands it off to the foreman who explodes it and frees the Goron Elder, who is
    able to help Link enter the Crown Dungeon.
    Twilight Princess’s Gorons are presided over by Darbus, their leader, who
    utilises the four Elders as his agents to help him get things done. When the
    five entered the Goron Mines to try and destroy the evil that was seeping out
    of them, Darbus was overpowered and the Elders were forced to flee, sealing him
    in with the Fused Shadow and being forced to abandon him there. Link eventually
    confronts the Elders, respectively called Gor Coron, Gor Amoto, Gor Ebizo, and
    Gor Liggs. By tracking them all down, he assembles what passes for the
    dungeon’s Boss Key, then proceeds to defeat the transformed Darbus and liberate
    him from evil’s clutches. Gor Coron is quite skilled at sumo wrestling (didn’t
    see that one coming), and just generally seems to look and act very Japanese.
    Gor Liggs is covered in purplish body paint, or maybe even IS purple. The other
    two are just old. After Link completes the Goron Mines, Gor Liggs and Gor Ebizo
    take to hanging out at the Kakariko Village Malo Mart, and later play a part in
    opening the Castle Town branch.
    As Goron Elders have done since time immemorial, the Goron Elder of Spirit
    Tracks sees to the administration of Goron Village, the main settlement found
    in the Fire Realm. He is cut off from most of the rest of the place’s
    inhabitants by a sudden eruption, and Link is unable to meet with him until he
    brings a half-load of Mega Ice to cool it. Though nominally suspicious of the
    outsider that is Link, the Elder changes his tune when his grandson rushes in
    and tells him it was Link who saved the village, and he shows him how to access
    the Fire Sanctuary (since the secret is passed down from Elder to future
    Elder.) Later on, the grandson leaves to experience city life, but the Elder
    knows he’ll be back, because, he says, all Gorons eventually realise that Goron
    Village is paradise. This probably has less to do with the conditions of the
    place itself and more to do with the kinship of being among one’s fellow Gorons.
    G o r t r a m
    DKC level designer
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    In the Lanayru Shipyards, Link encounters a brief sequence where he must
    transport himself from one section of the operation to another by careening
    around on mine carts. After the compulsory portion, you can return to try
    again, aiming for a course record on three different tracks. Gortram, a
    longtime cart fan, runs this whole outfit. Getting under 60 seconds on the
    'heart-stopping' course wins you a quick and easy Piece of Heart.
    G o s s a c k
    Anti-Bolshevik militant monarchist
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Like many explorers of the bounding main, Gossack can often be found at the
    Windfall Island Cafe when he puts into port for a little R&R. Cowardly and a
    little ugly, Gossack ‘jumps at even the slightest of surprises.’ Lenzo,
    claiming he wishes to help Gossack overcome his fear through exposure therapy,
    has Link take a pictograph of the poor soul in abject terror, which isn’t hard
    to do; simply rolling into the wall near him will startle him into outright
    shivers of fright. Snapping a quick pic will put Link one step closer to the
    Deluxe Picto Box.
    I also seem to remember intimations of him having a crush on Gillian or some
    such thing.
    G r a n d  F a i r y
    Fairies in the Outfield
    Race: Fairy
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Before Uncle Rupee started pulling all those fun shenanigans he's so well-known
    for, the Fairy Garden (known in Japan by the much more interesting name of the
    Garden of Consequences) was a verdant, idyllic haven filled with flowing water
    and magic power. It even sported a baseball diamond, which somewhat suggests
    that the rest of the area formed the rather obstacle-laden outfield, with the
    punctuated by the Fairy Temple sitting in the exact middle of the play area.
    Not so much anymore, though, as by the time Tingle literally drops in,
    responding to a psychic distress signal from the Grand Fairy, Uncle Rupee has
    taken the colour-coded Herbs, Cubes and Orbs that power the local magic and
    scattered them to the four winds. As a result, the Metal Fairy, Aqua Fairy,
    Magma Fairy, Leaf Fairy, and Earth Fairy – each one having a corresponding
    giant Rupee that Tingle collected earlier in his quest – have fallen into a
    deep sleep. For some reason this has sapped the Grand Fairy of her own power,
    including the ability to even assume physical form. Fortunately, Tingle, ever
    eager to blindly follow the instructions of complete strangers, journeys across
    the length and breadth of Fairy Garden in search of the items in question. He
    quickly restores them to their rightful spots, setting the land on the road to
    repair. This entails one of the most complaint-inducing but legitimately fun
    parts of the game, as a lengthy treasure hunt ensues.
    You have the option of renting a talking 'car' (really a square platform)
    called the X-Fairy to make travel easier. I considered giving it a profile of
    its own, and then did not.
    When the Grand Fairy ultimately shows herself before Tingle, she is revealed to
    have the body of a modern Great Fairy but the face of Pinkle. It's very
    disturbing. It also turns out not to be coincidence, as we learn later that
    she's the girl's mother. For now, she lets us in on a truth of equal intrigue:
    Uncle Rupee's been playing us all along, which, to be honest, you should really
    have worked out for yourself by now. She goes on to explain that the
    'Rupeeland' of Uncle Rupee's desires is not actually the utopia he would have
    us imagine, but rather a hellscape where everyone on earth is transformed into
    a Tingle and forced to labour endlessly to feed Uncle Rupe's insatiable lust
    for Rupees. This triggers the single best moment of the game, which I'll now
    spoil for you, as Tingle envisions 'Bad Uncle Rupee's Ashen Rupeeland,' set up
    as a corrupt version of the game's title screen, complete with copyright
    notice. Tingle howls in horror, declares that he no longer wishes to go to
    Rupeeland, and vows to defeat Uncle Rupee.
    If Tingle goes into the final battle having collected all of the Rupee Goods
    and freed Pinkle, the Grand Fairy takes over her role, contacting him by Tingle
    Tuner and explaining his new ability to fire streams of Rupees. When he finally
    overcomes Uncle Rupee, she praises him for having not fallen into the trap that
    his enemy did, and implores him to use the positive energy of the Rupees he has
    amassed to make the world a better place. Instead, Tingle decides that he'd
    rather live the easy life, lounging around all day, filling his face and going
    out every night with his girlfriends. She's not amused.
    G r e a t  D e k u  T r e e
    Tree of the Ancients
    Race: Deku
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 The Wind Waker
                 Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    The Great Deku Tree is known as the guardian of the Kokiri. Even as the other
    six races warred among themselves, the Deku Tree shrouded them in the forest.
    It is supposedly its (his?) power that keeps them from ever aging past ten. It
    also guards the Kokiri’s Emerald, the Spiritual Stone of Forest. Ganondorf
    tried to steal it from him but was unable to take it by force. Instead, he sent
    Queen Gohma, a giant armoured arachnid, to invade the tree, set herself in its
    roots and kill it from within. She spawns many foul beasts and starts to poison
    the tree. At the tree’s behest, Link arms himself, enters the root structure
    and slays Queen Gohma, but it’s too late. The Great Deku Tree realises that his
    suspicion was correct: Link is destined to save Hyrule. He gives him the
    Spiritual Stone to help him on his quest, then dies.
    As his last act, however, he plants a seed. This new Deku Tree grows just in
    front of the previous one, and takes seven years to sprout; it does so just as
    Link defeats Phantom Ganon in the Forest Temple. It then gives Link a brief
    explanation of what has happened in his absence and further instructions.
    This same tree reappears hundreds of years later in The Wind Waker, and he
    looks much different than his father. The original looked like...like Merlin.
    This one looks like Bob the plumber. His face is way closer to the ground, and
    he’s grown more upward rather than outward – possibly because of limited
    horizontal space, due to him being inside a larger tree. That tree is quite
    possibly the first Deku Tree, though that would have required transplantation.
    The new Deku Tree guards the Forest Haven, which is a combination of the Kokiri
    Forest, Lost Woods and Great Deku Tree areas from Ocarina of Time, split up
    into four tiny islands. The new tree protects the Koroks as its predecessor(s)
    protected the Kokiri. Despite its appearance, it is quite as wise as the
    original (well, almost.) The Great Deku Tree is one of the few creatures old
    enough to remember how to speak Ancient Hylian; when he sees Link in his heroic
    outfit, he is reminded of the Hero of Time and spits out a few text boxes of
    Hylian script before apologetically switching to Link’s language.
    The Great Deku Tree serves to help Link keep up with Makar, an important part
    of the story. He also figures into a side-quest: Worried that the forests are
    dwindling, he sends eight Koroks out to some small islands to plant trees that
    will eventually give birth (so to speak) to new woods, but they aren’t doing so
    well. Link must quickly transport mystical water from Forest Haven to each of
    the trees, allowing them to begin to grow.
    His Tingle RPG incarnation follows much the same route as the Ocarina one,
    while taking on the appearance of the Waker one. As usual, he protects a
    collection of trees, in this case the Deku Forest. This time, however, he has
    produced an heir well prior to dying, but this sapling is itself in mortal
    danger, suffering at the hands of human development in the forest. Coupled with
    the game's overall anti-consumerist message, I'm beginning to wonder if I could
    write an essay positioning Tingle RPG as a critique of modern society in the
    developed world. Anyway, the only thing that can save Deku Jr from his fate is
    some Pure Dew, which, conveniently, grows a few hundred metres beneath the
    Great Deku Tree, in the dungeon called the Deku Temple. Inconveniently, the
    Deku Tree is a plant, so he can't just grab it himself; moreover, like always,
    he's been infested by monsters. It turns out Tingle is up to the task, however,
    and he is able to retrieve the Dew and save the younger tree's life. This
    business taken care of, the older one is able to die, entrusting the future of
    the forest in his child's hands. So to speak.
    G r e a t  F a i r i e s
    Demented sprites
    Race: Fairies
    Appearances: The Legend of Zelda
                 A Link to the Past
                 Link’s Awakening
                 Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Seasons
                 Oracle of Ages
                 Four Swords
                 The Wind Waker
                 Four Swords Adventures
                 The Minish Cap
                 Twilight Princess
                 Phantom Hourglass
    In other words, all main games except the second and seventeenth.
    Even though not one of them technically has a name, they serve a great enough
    role in Link’s quests that I saw fit to briefly detail them here.
    Okay, rapid-fire. In the NES and Gameboy games, a Great Fairy would completely
    restore Link’s health. In A Link to the Past, Link would throw various items
    into specific Fairy Fountains to have them upgraded. Ocarina of Time’s Great
    Fairies offered upgrades and magical attacks. In Majora’s Mask, collecting all
    20 Stray Fairies in a dungeon would allow them to reform and give him a special
    upgrade, one of which was a very special sword. The N64 ones are famous for
    screaming insanely when they appeared. In Four Swords, they offered keys that
    allowed the party’s quest to move forward. In The Wind Waker, they mainly
    offered capacity upgrades (Rupees, Bombs etc.) and also offered special items
    like the Fire and Ice Arrows. In Four Swords Adventures, they sometimes had to
    be rescued and escorted, and each of the maidens had the ability to transform
    into a fairy, including Zelda. In The Minish Cap they once again offered
    capacity upgrades. In Twilight Princess they were found in the Cave of Ordeals,
    and if Link completed the entire thing he could visit their springs to fill a
    Bottle with Great Fairy Tears, which was essentially Grandma’s Homemade Soup
    with only one serving. Lastly, in Phantom Hourglass they provided Link with
    certain abilities depending on the number of Power, Wisdom or Courage Gems he
    had collected.
    G r o g
    Get mediaevel
    Race: Hylian, for a while
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
    With a name like Grog, you’d think he’d be right at home sailing the bounding
    main with Tetra’s pirates, but on the contrary, he spends most of his time
    moping in the Lost Woods. A parody that any individual dark or misanthropist in
    nature would find insulting, Grog claims that ‘everyone’s disgusting’ and bars
    himself off from society. He has a similar attitude in the sequel, when he
    proves himself not particularly affected by the impending end of the world,
    regretting only that he could not see his precious baby Cuccos become
    full-grown cluckers (Link solves this by ordering a march that causes the
    Cuccos’ rapid maturation, earning himself the Bunny Hood.) Later on in Ocarina,
    he moves to the Woods and becomes a Skull Kid, despite his sister’s best
    efforts to save him. That sister, if I recall correctly, is the Cucco Lady, and
    I think his mother is Grandma from Grandma’s Potion Shop. His father is Mutoh,
    the foreman who’s always yelling at the other carpenters (I know that last one
    for sure; his father is definitely Mutoh.)
    G r o o s e
    High school jock
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Sort of the Kururin of Skyward Sword, Groose begins the game shaping up to be
    an antagonist but turns into one of Link's staunchest allies and closest
    friends. With a monumental crush on Zelda, Groose is intensely jealous of the
    childhood friendship she shares with Link, and ends up bullying and teasing him
    relentlessly because of it. Flanked by his two lackeys, Cawlin and Strich, his
    very first act of the game is to push back his swoop of red hair, point
    aggressively yet flamboyantly, and declare that Link is a huge dork who will
    absolutely lose in the Wing Ceremony in which they are all about to partake.
    It's a pretty unmistakeable first impression. It then transpires that the trio
    has captured and caged Link's (rare, crimson-coloured) Loftwing in an attempt
    to keep him from participating at all. What a guy. Of course, Link finds his
    bird, undoes the damage, and wins the competition, causing Groose to grouse
    about dumb luck, favouritism and the like. When Zelda disappears from Skyloft
    shortly thereafter, he's not so cocky, slipping into depression for quite a
    Eventually, he catches on to the fact that Link keeps appearing, rushing around
    town, and then flying off again without explanation, and realises that this
    must all somehow relate to Zelda. He therefore decides that it would be a good
    idea to drop to the surface without a Sailcloth (a magical piece of fabric sewn
    by Zelda that can be spread above you to break your fall, allowing you to
    safely drop to the ground from any height), latching onto Link in midair and
    nearly killing them both. He explains, in so many words,  that his plan is
    basically to jump in at the last minute and steal Link's glory, and then they
    go talk to Impa at the Sealed Temple. Their conversation is cut short, however,
    as Link's charging a Skyward Strike wakes the Imprisoned, to whom he must
    quickly rush down and defeat in order to re-seal the beast in its (his) Sealing
    Slab. Groose, awed by the battle he has just witnessed, realises the whole
    affair is out of his depth, and thinks it best that he simply bow out. Impa,
    however, tells him that he still has a role to play, and after some time for
    reflection he decides everyone is best off if he provides support from the
    In preparation for the Imprisoned's inevitable next breakout, he manages to
    jury-rig a mobile catapult that fires oversized Bombs, naming it the
    Groosenator and constructing a huge raised railway around the lip of the Sealed
    Temple spiral for it to ride around. It's not quite ready when the encounter
    does happen, but Link is able to delay the monster until Groose has made the
    necessary adjustments. The Bombs stun the Imprisoned for quite a while, and are
    able to halt its quick slithering or knock it off a wall if it tries to use its
    newfound arms to scale one, making it invaluable, especially since the
    Imprisoned is now slightly faster and thus more difficult to attack.
    Groose, it seems, has reevaluated his entire life. He's no longer concerned
    with the childishness that occupied him before, now striving only to learn all
    he can, be the best he can be and make the most of his time on earth (in more
    ways than one.) He takes up horticulture. He makes peace with himself. And
    then, when the Imprisoned makes its third run for Temple destruction, he
    overcomes a technical hiccough with on-the-spot creativity, proposing to launch
    Link onto the beast's head to land the final blow. The plan works.
    That's his last major stand, but he has one final moment of action when
    Ghirahim is pulling his Demise-reviving shenanigans: Impressively, he actually
    follows Ghirahim, Link and the unconscious Zelda into the ancient past, taking
    custody of Zelda' soulless body so that Link can go after Demise without
    worrying about her. In the end, he cracks a joke about 'The Legend of Groose,'
    before offering Link one final wave as he returns to Skyloft with his two
    buddies. From snobbery and feelings of inferiority, to lethargy and self-pity,
    and finally to self-actualization and kindness, Groose is quite likely the most
    developed character in the Zelda universe; we can actually empathize with his
    personal journey much more than we can that of Link, whose fundamental
    perfection is thematically a little farther removed from our own lives. We all
    have doubts and insecurities, and we all have to find a way to overcome them.
    For that reason, Groose has cemented himself as a fan favourite.
    G u l l y
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    A little boy living in Skyloft, son of Piper the Bazaar chef, Gully spends his
    time running around looking for bugs to collect. He also teaches you how to
    roll. And you can rationalise all you want, but having a Stamina Gauge makes
    the game less fun.
    G u l d
    Mogma Master
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    With his long hair and beard, Guld resembles kind of a wise old hippy. He leads
    the Mogma of Eldin Mountain, but due to his advanced years, he is looking to
    groom a successor and retire. He shows up in the Fire Sanctuary to help Link
    through a few trouble spots, warning him about various dangers and alerting him
    to a secret long-lost treasure in the area. Later on he can be found in the
    Mogmas' home, complaining about how he wishes he could live among the clouds.
    As luck would have it, Kina of Pumpkin Landing is recruiting a row-hoer, and
    Link apprises Guld of a job offering in Skyloft while being vague about the
    specifics. After Scrapper drops Guld into his new home, he is furious at being
    roped into such a menial job, but quickly softens up when he casts his old eyes
    on the lovely Kina. He lives out his remaining years in paradise and the Mogma
    clan, leaderless, probably withers and dies.
    G u r e e t o
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Though he looks dressed for a jungle safari, Gureeto offers to be the party's
    guide through the desert. When they tell him they don't want to go to the
    desert, he chuckles and tells them they'll be back. They scoff, but Segaare
    ends up kidnapping Kakashi and and running off with him into the sands, forcing
    them to solicit Gureeto's help to pursue. Before he agrees, he first tests
    their ability to make the journey. He releases a stag beetle that he bids them
    to find and bring back, which, really, I don't know what that's supposed to
    prove. Once he's satisfied, he introduces them to the concept of the canteen,
    which holds water. If they run out of water, they pass out. It depletes
    slightly with each step they take, and Raion requires 100 units (out of a
    maximum capacity of 1000) in order to open certain large gates. Finally, it
    also serves as the party's hit points for the remainder of the SaGa, since as
    long as they're in the desert they're subject to random encounters with
    monsters who engage them in turn-based battles in the vein of a typical RPG.
    It's very low-pressure, and one of the funniest and most enjoyable parts of a
    very funny and enjoyable game. Anyway, the brighterside is that they can refill
    their canteen, not only at the occasional pay-per-use oasis, but also
    underneath giant bay leafs scattered here and there. These all have Seebuta
    stations near them, but just as significantly serve as an opportunity to summon
    Gureeto and establish a base camp. He'll appear the instant he's called, and
    will happily dispense free water as needed. It would seem that his only desire
    in life is to be amongst the desert, because as soon as you're through he takes
    off, not even asking anything for his services.
    G u r u - G u r u
    Copy Gramophonian
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Seasons
    In Ocarina of Time, Guru-Guru - whose name may not have been Guru-Guru at the
    time, and whom most referred to on some variation of ‘crazy windmill guy’ - was
    a crazy guy who owned the windmill of Kakariko Village. His name is most likely
    derived from the handheld gramophone from which he is never seen apart;
    ‘kuru-kuru’ is the Japanese onomatopoeia for something spinning, as in ‘Nyaasu
    no paati, kuru-kuru, mawaru!’ (Meowth’s party, round and round, revolve.’)
    Gangly, bald, and bearded, he is almost always seen with an expression of pure,
    deep-seated happiness, and this is how Link finds him when he visits the
    windmill as a child; there he is, just blissing out in his humble home and
    laying down phat beats...no, wait, that’s a different kind of spin-related
    music-making. But like the Happy Mask Salesman and Scarfies, he also has a dark
    side. When we reunite with him seven years down the line he adopts an utterly
    fearful countenance and starts screaming at us. He starts to work his
    gramophone faster and faster as the unforgettably significant Song of Storms
    starts to grind out. Link, he shrieks, is the one responsible for the sudden
    and catastrophic draining of the village well, without whose waters Kakariko
    can barely subsist, and it’s all because of Link, the Ocarina of Time, and the
    most accursed Song of Storms!
    So to recap, Ganondorf was responsible for the sacking of Hyrule Castle,
    Ganondorf was responsible for Death Mountain’s optically threatening corona,
    Ganondorf was responsible for Zora’s Domain freezing over, Link was responsible
    for the well draining, and all of this happened around the same time. Nice
    logic? Actually, as learn when we investigate further, it turns out it WAS Link
    who destroyed Kakariko - what a dick! In a case of what can be called
    retroactive history or self-fulfilling prophecy, upon hearing this Link then
    takes us back to the past to enact (re-enact?) the crime for which he has been
    accused. Upon standing in the middle of town and playing the Song of Storms
    (which Guru-Guru hears and remembers, seven years later teaching it to Link,
    who then goes back in time to teach it to Guru-Guru) he finds that the
    windmill, in much the same way as the gramophone that we have discussed above,
    begins to spin faster and faster, drawing all available water until there’s
    nothing left. Torrential downpours now DRAIN wells, didn’t you know? The
    advantage here is that this leaves Link free to explore the Bottom of the Well
    and acquire the quest-critical Lens of Truth, but obliterating the welfare of
    an entire village is sort of harsh. Nice one, Mill.
    In his second appearance (which is where we get the name from), Guru-Guru is no
    longer mad at us, but still a little bit of a creep. He hangs out by the
    laundry pool, cranking out one of my favourite tunes in any Zelda, and that’s
    saying something. But man, come to think of it - Guru-Guru, the Stray Fairy,
    Kafei, the Curiosity Shop Owner (presumably), the Postman, and Link himself;
    the laundry pool sure does see a lot of traffic for one small alcove, doesn’t
    it? Anyway, in this universe Guru-Guru formerly put his musical skills to use
    as part of a group of travelling entertainers, but he soon left out of jealousy
    for the troupe’s leader, because he just couldn’t reconcile with taking orders
    from a dog. He lifted the mutt’s Bremen Mask on his way out the door, stealing
    masks being in vogue in Termina, only to find that rather than slaking his
    spite, the act left him consumed by guilt. When Link comes along, he realises
    he’s found the perfect solution: He’ll bequeath the item to him! That
    definitely makes it ok! Well, it works out at least, with Link gaining a useful
    new tool and Guru-Guru somehow now able to live with himself where he couldn’t
    With the Oracle Saga taking gameplay elements from the GameBoy and setpieces
    from the N64, Guru-Guru played a minor role in Seasons as well, tending the
    Windmill that sits on top of the hill in the Eastern Suburbs of Horon Village.
    In stark opposition to previous events, here Guru-Guru WANTS the contraption to
    gyrate as fast as possible, and even enlists that good-for-nothing Link for a
    little help. If Link can provide him with some Engine Grease to loosen up the
    joints and gears (what sort of Engine it was originally intended for never
    being explained), Guru-Guru will give up his iconic Gramophone. I guess you
    never really know someone. The Windmill will begin to spin at exciting
    highspeed star, and Link can then take the Gramophone to Holodrum’s Lost Woods,
    root out a lone music-loving Deku Scrub in an obscure cave, and receive a copy
    of Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars. No, wait, he receives a Broken Sword,
    which he can then have repaired to the L-2 Noble Sword, twice as powerful as
    the one he had before, so sweet deal.
    G u s t a f,  R o y a l  S p i r i t
    Dead and kicking
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    Gustaf reigned as King of Hyrule hundreds of years ago, but of course, he died.
    He still wishes to maintain peace in his kingdom even from beyond the grave,
    however, so he still does what he can to ensure its future. Link first meets
    him after claiming the Water Element, then goes to meet him in the Royal Crypt.
    Much like similar tombs, his was so complex it’s its own mini-dungeon. In life,
    he was very fond of the people of the Wind Tribe. The Kinstone piece he gives
    Link allows him to enter Veil Falls and, consequently, the Palace of Winds.
    H a n c h
    Mulleted coward
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    What the hell kind of name is Hanch?
    An inhabitant of Ordon Village, Hanch first strides onto the scene, as it were,
    by throwing small rocks at a beehive in an effort to get its larvae to use as
    fishing bait. (This caused a lot of confusion in Spirit Tracks, where Bee
    Larvae also appear, as do beehives, but the two are unrelated; the items are
    found randomly in pots and the like, and knocking down one of the game’s
    aggravatingly plentiful beehives will win you nothing but pain. You can’t even
    catch ‘em.) There are two ways to grab this bad boy for him: You can either
    bean it with the Slingshot, which you won’t get until later, or assault it with
    a hawk, which you can do immediately. The former will turn a stinging reprisal
    on yourself, but the latter will see the sortie directed against Hanch.
    Mistaken blame and all; it’s like a sitcom. Hanch will flee into the water to
    get them off his tail, which doesn’t work in real life by the way. Bees will
    actually watch you move beneath the surface and follow, and resume their attack
    when you reemerge. Try it if you don’t believe me. Go ahead.
    Shortly thereafter, we learn that he is Sera’s husband and Beth’s father, and
    following that, he proves himself to be one of the most snivelling and
    dislikeable characters ever seen in a Zelda game, brimming with malcontent and
    in dire need of an attitude adjustment. He makes up for it later, when Bo
    assigns him to security detail. Hanch takes up a position on the earthy-stoney
    pillar between Sera’s Sundries and Rusl’s house, from which vantage he shoots
    the village hawk at trespassers; guess those things are common property and
    whoever makes use of them gets to have them, thanks Locke. Maybe Hanch learned
    the technique from Link’s beehive-bashing. Anyhow, during the period in which
    Link is forced to briefly return to the settlement in wolf form, he’ll feel
    Hanch’s full wrath if he gets too close, with the latter understandably
    believing him to be a monster. It’s actually kind of neat, I mean that attack
    took me totally off-guard. And it all contrasts very nicely with his unceasing
    cries of terror that carry on throughout the process. I just avoided him after
    being attacked once, but apparently you can sneak up behind him and startle him
    into the water, which, I have to admit, sounds hilarious.
    Hanch appears in the ending credits for roughly three quarters of a
    microsecond, happy to return to a life without fear.
    H a p p y  M a s k  S a l e s m a n
    Amazingly accurate timekeeper
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Ages
    Going only by the titular moniker of the Happy Mask Salesman, we have here one
    of the weirder residents of the Zelda universe. From an early age, he was
    fascinated with masks, especially those with magical properties. His collection
    grew to be quite extensive, and he opened up a small shop from which he sold
    his wares.
    He was having trouble getting business, so he recruited Link as a trader. Link
    borrowed masks for his own personal use and, when he encountered individuals
    interested in buying, he sold them off on behalf of the shop, keeping a modest
    finder’s fee. He sold several masks like this, all of which reappeared in the
    next instalment of the series. These actions also fed Link’s altruistic nature
    as they helped out their recipients with their personal lives. The ultimate
    reward for this mini trading game was the Mask of Truth, which had about three
    uses (two of which were pretty trivial.)
    He got an interesting makeover for Majora’s Mask, where he spent the entire
    game waiting in the Clock Tower for Link to bring him Majora’s Mask, which
    Skull Kid had stolen from him. His poly was fundamentally the same, but he
    added a giant pedlar’s backpack festooned with odds, ends, cooking pans, and
    masks. I expect most of you know this by now, but if you look closely you can
    see a Mario mask pinned near his head. Close to it is an Elvis Presley one.
    There’s also one that some say is a Darth Maul mask, but if that was the
    intent, it’s a far cry from the original. The rest are random generica, though
    one looks like it could easily have become the Stone Mask.
    The Happy Mask Salesman is best known for his bizarre (I won’t say psychotic,
    because he clearly does not have psychosis per se) behaviour. He stands alone
    in dank locations. He is obsessed with masks (identity confusion?) and develops
    dangerous emotional attachments to some of them. He also slingshots between
    emotions more quickly than a Vibe Island denizen, screaming at Link one moment
    then smiling pleasantly the next. Also, he rarely opens his eyes. On a possibly
    related note, he recognizes Link no matter what form he approaches him in.
    He also has a shop in Lynna City, where he figures into Oracle of Ages’ Trading
    Game and then serves no further purpose.
    H e l m a r o c  K i n g
    Winged monstrosity
    Race: Helmaroc
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
                 Four Swords Adventures
    In Arabian mythology, rocs are enormous birds who live on mountaintops. As I
    recall, Sinbad the Sailor encountered one and stole an egg from its nest. I’m
    not sure what happened after that, but I don’t think it ended well for him.
    This was how the Roc’s Feather dungeon item came into being, but the Kargaroc
    enemies first appeared in The Wind Waker. Though they could be somewhat
    irritating to take out, they dropped golden feathers that were eventually
    traded for a Heart Piece. Like the Helmasaurs, the Kargarocs have a figurehead
    who is much larger and more powerful than themselves. (Helmasaur King doesn’t
    get a bio because he’s a plain boss without any character.)
    When Ganondorf emerges from the Golden Land and sets up shop atop the Forsaken
    Fortress, he employs the Helmaroc King to do his bidding. Mainly, he tasks it
    with locating and capturing Princess Zelda. He knows she’s out there somewhere,
    even if she doesn’t. The Helmaroc King captures several girls who *might* be
    Zelda, but as it turns out, none of them are. It eventually finds Tetra, who
    really is Zelda, as captain of a merry band of pirates. The scurvy knaves fight
    it off and are taken, in the course of the battle, to Outset Island, where Link
    sees trouble and comes to Tetra’s rescue. The Helmaroc King swoops in once
    again and hauls off Aryll by accident, setting TWW in motion.
    They track the Helmaroc King back to Forsaken Fortress, but are thwarted there.
    The Helmaroc King hurls Link into the ocean and leaves him for dead, after
    which point he doesn’t do anything for quite some time. He and Link finally
    square off near the top of the Fortress, where he mostly swoops at Link and
    tries to crush him. When he pecks, he gets his face stuck in the stone, at
    which point he is vulnerable to strikes from the Skull Hammer.
    He is also the boss of Death Mountain Trail in Four Swords Adventures.
    H e n a
    Master fisherman
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    When Ocarina of Time was being developed, one of the lead programmers, Morita
    Kazuaki, had a sort of ‘secret project’ – a fishing mini-game, the one we found
    at Lake Hylia. This was a pretty cool place, so it made it into the game! It
    was so popular, in fact, that Morita was assigned to create Hena’s Fishing Hole
    for Twilight Princess, which I actually like less, but whatever; lure fishing
    from a canoe is neat. Anyway, Hena runs the inexpensive fishing hole, which can
    be quite an interesting diversion, though a frustrating one (I only ever caught
    one fish :( ).
    She may be descended from Hyrule’s most famous fisherman, the bald guy who ran
    Ocarina’s place (and the Curiosity Shop in Majora’s Mask.) I find it kind of
    funny that the photo is in black-and-white, because the Deluxe Pictograph
    hadn’t been invented yet. Jackie Smith adds, 'if you examine his picture, you
    can look over at Hena and she'll be scratching her back the same way the
    fishing guy would! If you talk to her about it, she'll just brush it off as
    something that just happens every now and then. It's pretty funny.' She also
    has a picture of herself with a lunker (how vain of her). There’s also one of
    her sister Iza, who runs the nearby boat rental place, and her brother Coro,
    who sucks at fishing but is pro at making lamp oil.
    Like the fisherman from Ocarina, Hena gets mad if Link uses the Sinking Lure,
    because it’s unsporting. Unlike the fisherman from Ocarina, however, she will
    let him use a different (but still inferior) lure called the Frog Lure if he
    can beat eight courses on the Rollgoal game. The Frog Lure requires skilled
    hands to use, and so does Rollgoal, so I guess that’s the connection there.
    H e n y a
    Fake-tatooed 90s musician
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Henya serves as the mostly well-mannered but sometimes impatient Knight Academy
    cook, a position she has held for over 25 years. At the beginning of the game,
    she has ordered Fledge to store some barrels, but the poor weakling just can't
    do it and needs Link's help. Henya is fond of both pots and her husband Rusta.
    No word on whether or not she has a crush on Instructor Horwell or has enlisted
    Groose's help to drug him.
    H e r o ’ s  S p i r i t
    Lycanthropic swordmaster
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    This ancient vestige of Hyrule’s bygone golden age never introduces himself,
    and there are few official resources to corroborate his name (except Nintendo
    Power, a sometimes dubious source of information), but most people know him as
    the Hero’s Spirit, so we’ll just call him that.
    And what he does say about himself is allusory at best, but that just enhances
    the mystical nature of the character. Ever since Majora’s Mask’s Swordsman
    School, there have been a number of individuals willing to instruct the player
    in the ways of Hylian combat. Hero’s Spirit, the latest implementation, is
    uniquely qualified in that he was actually around in ancient times, when many
    actually studied the Way of the Hylian Blade with great dedication. From the
    way he talks, he has truly mastered the sword and has surely seen a fair few
    battles before he was transformed.
    In fact, chew on this: He actually refers to Link as his successor. He most
    likely just meant that it was now Link’s responsibility to proliferate the
    ancient sword arts, but in context, it almost sounds like Hero’s
    Spirit...HERO’S Spirit...is actually Link from Ocarina! Pretty out there, you’d
    think, but is it really?
    Anyway, he teaches seven techniques over the course of the game – paltry
    compared to the Blade Brothers, but he’s just one guy, plus every one of his is
    cool and/or useful, which is more than they can say. They’re also progressive,
    meaning they grow in strength and animation quality as you go on, and sometimes
    require mastery of a previous technique to perform (most commonly the Shield
    Attack.) My favourite technique is the Mortal Draw, where Link stands still
    without L-Targeting, sword sheathed. Then, at the last second, before the
    opponent sees through his ruse, in one smooth motion he draws it and fells them
    in a single stroke. If you like, he also spins it around all fancy-like when he
    sheathes it.
    To learn a technique, Link must locate one of the Howl Stones scattered across
    Hyrule. In wolf form, Link must then howl out a specific tune, many of which
    are from Ocarina of Time. When he does this, he will be transported
    to...‘another dimension,’ I guess, which looks a lot like Hyrule in its heyday.
    He and the Hero’s Spirit, in the form of a glowing golden wolf, then join
    together in a howling concerto. After that, a spot gets marked on his map and
    Link must head over to that location, where he finds the wolf in the flesh. The
    wolf then again transports them to another dimension, this one very white with
    Hyrule Castle in the background. He assumes the form of a skeletal, armoured
    soldier. After testing him on the previous technique, he proceeds to drill Link
    on a new one. He tries to introduce them with as much gravity as possible, but
    really, Link is in no danger >_<.
    The final technique, the Great Spin Attack, is learned right outside the castle
    barrier, so it may well be that Link learns it right before the final showdown.
    When he has imparted all he knows, the Hero’s Spirit departs this world with no
    more than a fierce hope that Link will prevail.
    H i g e m o n b a n
    Whisker Monster Group?
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Iroduzki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    So named for his magnificent giant moustache, Higemonban personally guards the
    gate to the castle of Emerald City. Though clad in the same green, tin
    soldier-type uniform of the rank-and-file, he clearly has some authority
    amongst them, as he is seen relaying orders to some of the people around him.
    Though at first he refuses entry to Tingle and his dudes, he is happy to let
    them in when they are specially summoned to deliver medicine to the ailing
    Princess Emera. He is later found incapacitated by an unknown force, but
    follows that up by capturing the four impostors who attempted to enter the
    castle disguised as the heroes.
    H o  H o  T r i b e
    There’s more of him?
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    I always kind of liked Old Man Ho Ho from The Wind Waker, travelling the seas
    apparently, always showing up in unexpected places, looking out to the ocean
    and explaining what he was looking at with an exclamation of wonder.
    Naturally enough I always assumed he was just himself, but Phantom Hourglass
    shows us that he’s actually part of a whole organization. Wearing identical
    white coats, top hats, and monocles while sailing about in a tub-shaped boat
    similar to those used by the Moblins of Waker, the Ho Ho Tribe spends their
    days looking for random ‘things,’ for which they will happily part with useful
    items if Link can slake their desires. They have a particular and constant
    interest in the Regal Ring, which is an extremely rare find but entails a
    massive reward. The chapter leader, Hoiger Howgendoogen, also participates in
    the Trading Game by coughing up the Guard Notebook in exchange for his lost
    Kaleidoscope. I question the practicality of a kaleidoscope in the Ho Ho
    Tribe’s line of work, but whatever makes you happy.
    H o t  R o d d e r  G o r o n
    Would-be bandana-bearer
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
    A Goron who spends literally all of his time rolling down Death Mountain Trail
    at high speed, apparently because it’s the only way he can relax. Some people
    calm down when they get an adrenaline rush, this is an actual thing. The only
    way to get his attention is by attempting to murder him, either with a Bomb
    Flower or a bona fide Bomb (neither of which you have access to the first time
    you read his sign and/or encounter him.) If you actually carry out his
    instructions in most places, he’ll tell you to take off, but if you invade his
    home and attack him there, he’ll reward you with the Big Bomb Bag. Perhaps
    you’ve noticed before that many video games don’t make any good logical sense
    much of the time.
    H o n c h o
    Cult of personality
    Race: Anouki
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    Much like Mike Haggar, Honcho is really just a terrible mayor. Rather than
    cause his city crippling economic problems resulting in gang warfare whose only
    solution he determines to be punching an old man in the face, however, Honcho’s
    failings are at least somewhat less incredible, ranging from being unable to
    adequately secure its residents from monster attack to being unable to persuade
    its residents to cooperate with each other. To both ends, he enlists Link’s
    help, first to arrange each Anouki into a patrol cell of two, with some Spirit
    Track additions as his reward; the catch is that half the Anouki in Anouki
    Village Kai hate most of the others, meaning they’ll refuse to work with each
    other. Link must therefore speak with each of them, put all the pieces together
    and figure out an acceptable arrangement for him. (At least Honcho himself is
    magnanimous enough to work with anybody.) This is only a temporary measure,
    however, as later on, with Link’s transportation provisions regarding body and
    supplies, Honcho will contract the Bridge Worker to build a fence to keep out
    the wild beasts. He’s incompetent, but well-intentioned and strangely likeable.
    I mean, he does his best. He also bears a striking resemblance to his
    ostensible ancestor, the Anouki Chieftain of Phantom Hourglass.
    Even Honcho points out the fact that his name doubles as his occupation. I
    guess I should be relieved that at least I’m not the only one who’s been
    noticing this stuff going on.
    H o n e y  a n d  D a r l i n g
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
    I’m not sure if they ever addressed each other by pet-name in Ocarina of Time,
    but if they did then I’m sure they were Honey and Darling just as in its
    sequel. Here, they do nothing but embrace in an endless waltz and coo at each
    other. Every once in a while they say something borderline noteworthy, usually
    having to do with recent events, but it’s sort of hard to discern through the
    deluge of mutual entrancement. At least, that’s how it is during the day; after
    hours, they just want to spend some quiet time alone, making their decision to
    hang out in a market square one of the worst ideas anyone has ever had. After
    Hyrule Castle Town is overrun, they relocate to Kakariko Village with the other
    Their love-love lives on in Majora’s Mask, where they run Honey & Darling’s
    Shop in East Clock Town. It’s not actually a shop but a minigame hut whose
    offerings change daily; over the course of Link’s stay, they showcase Bombchu
    Bowling (much the same as the Bombchu Bowling Alley from Ocarina), Target
    Practise (with your Hero’s Bow and all, similar to a whole plethora of things),
    and Bomb Basket (akin to lighting the eyes of the giant Dodongo skull in
    Dodongo’s Cavern). Though all three games have a time limit, you can
    momentarily stop the clock by shooting the couple (...). If Link succeeds at
    all three games in a single 72-hour period, he wins a Heart Piece, which is
    oddly fitting. Actually, their dialogue at the end of this ‘side-quest’
    suggests that their may be trouble in paradise: ‘I wonder...are we truly
    happy?’ Still, though, I like to think it all works out for them in the end ^_^.
    Honey and Darling are named after a Japanese modern tradition where girls will
    call their lovers ‘darling’ (daarin) and guys will come back with ‘honey’
    (hanii). From this, we know that the N64-hot redhead is Honey, and the
    surrealist painting she goes with is Darling (this type of pairing being
    another Japanese tradition of sorts, hence we get stuff like 'Daarin wa
    Gaikokujin' and 'Shanhai Hanii.') Armed with this knowledge you can figure out
    who’s speaking when when they talk, since lines beginning with ‘Honey’ must be
    uttered by Darling and vice versa. At least, it sort of works. It’s basically
    incoherent viewed from ANY angle.
    H y l i a
    Race: Goddess
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    This is it, boys and girls: the ultimate deity of the Zelda universe. With a
    name like Hylia, I doubt we'll ever encounter a higher power. Her relationship
    to Din, Nayru and Farore is uncertain, but she may have created even them; she
    is the progenitor of the Hylian race, the previous incarnation of Zelda, the
    alpha and omega.
    She is, however, not invincible. For whatever reason, a thousand years ago the
    dark spirit Demise found himself less than satisfied, and resolved to topple
    her from her figurative throne and take over the world she governed as his own.
    Unlike most rebellions against the supreme creator, this one actually got
    pretty far, and it took every last inch of Hylia's strength to defeat Demise.
    Even then, she was unable to kill him; instead, she imprisoned him in an
    alternate dimension accessible only through a piece of rock called a Sealing
    Spike, which she set in the remains of a temple to her, which had been the site
    of their battle. She flung most of the structure into the skies, along with
    other bits and pieces, where they were permanently suspended among the clouds.
    (Incidentally, I thoroughly recommend the Baten Kaitos games.)
    Thus her mortal heirs and servants were sheltered from the chaos that consumed
    the earth in the wake of her sudden absence, and when the time was right a
    chosen hero would take up a special sword in her name in order to defeat Demise
    and finally guarantee the fledgling nation's security. With what power was left
    to her she created a number of lesser deities to watch over the land and guide
    the hero when he appeared. In addition, she left behind a number of monuments
    and other markers to provide the necessary background information. She then
    left behind three mission-critical treasures (secured by means of being the
    rewards for challenges she felt only the hero would be able to complete), and
    inside the sword she placed a living guide to instruct and advise him over the
    course of his quest. Finally, her last bits of life dwindling, she took on the
    form of a cyclically reincarnating Hylian, whose each iteration would be named
    Zelda. With all her dominoes lined up, she could only hope that the hero would
    appear to tip them.
    I g o s  d u  I k a n a
    The king is dead
    Race: Stalchild (Stalfos, maybe?)
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Long ago, Ikana was a flourishing kingdom in the east of Termina. But trouble
    soon came to the utopia as war broke out between the natives of Ikana and the
    Garo ninja, both of whom lived in Ikana Canyon. A bloody power struggle ensued.
    Apparently, neither side was ever able to actually win. Its history has turned
    Ikana into a residence of death and sorrowful memories. The only living beings
    Link encounters there are Sakon, Pam, her father, and the modern Garo, whose
    clan is still intact. Everyone else is a troubled spirit, a Poe, or something
    of the like.
    Remember the Composer Brothers, Sharp and Flat? When Sharp attempted to restore
    Ikana, he inadvertently raised many of its dead former occupants. Igos du Ikana
    returned to rule the Stalfos from the Ancient Castle of Ikana (we can assume
    that it did not always have the ‘Ancient’ prefix.) Link is forced to enter the
    castle and head for the Throne Room.  Here, he must do battle with the king’s
    royal bodyguards before fighting Igos du Ikana himself. He attacks with a large
    sword, and sometimes detaches his head to spit fireballs at Link. He is
    weakened after a few sword strikes, then finally defeated when Link exploits
    the king’s new vulnerability to sunlight (new since he died, I mean.) Upon his
    victory, Link learns the Elegy of Emptiness, a quest-critical Ocarina melody.
    In life, he was good friends with Captain Keeta, who leads the Stalchildren of
    Termina. You can wear the Captain’s Hat to fool the king briefly, but he knew
    the man well enough to not be fooled by an imposter for more than a
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    With his thuggish basketball jersey and green afro, Iiguru bears a passing
    resemblance to the legendary Teddy Todo. He is, at first, a fairly dour young
    man living in the port of Page 10, unable to find work that suits him. Though
    he had previously been an agent of a secret organization within the town, he
    didn't like it, and quit, to his mother's constant concern. For her part, she
    works at the passport office and regretfully informs Tingle that she cannot
    send his application to the next stage of the process without a work
    certificate for each applicant. She really wants to help, however, and advises
    him to talk to her son, and to address him as Shiishii-chan. They then track
    down her son in the West Side, and though he's initially unwilling to engage
    them, as soon as he hears his mother's term of endearment he starts grinning
    sheepishly and assuring Tingle he'll do anything he needs.
    Tingle explains the situation and Iiguru explains that his former organization
    will probably have some work for him, but that they must first test his
    intellectual worthiness. He gives Tingle the first Agent Memo, which offers a
    cryptic clue about how to find the first Agent (who looks exactly like the
    Agent class from the first game.) Thus ensues a section of running back and
    forth across town in search of Agents who will give him brief challenges. This
    culminates in Tingle learning that the clown selling ice cream outside Umineko
    Kouen is actually their leader, and the two go to a warehouse swarming with his
    mortal enemies: rats adorned with various hairstyles and fashion accessories.
    Using Pachinko, Tingle must nail the correct targets while avoiding the decoys,
    eventually sending them running off. The grateful head gives him a work
    certificate for services rendered, and since Kakashi hasn't been able to find
    anything useful to do up to this point he gives him one too, stating that
    merely staying out of the way is plenty (Kakashi is, after all, a child).
    Later, Iiguru is still searching for work, and his mother is growing ever more
    worried about him. Iiguru suggests that Tingle help out by canvassing potential
    employers around town, promising to go check it out if something sounds
    interesting. One possibility catches his eye, and he rushes off to Umineko
    Kouen to learn the art of professional gardening. The gardener tells him to
    shove off, and Iiguru runs away in tears. Tingle finds him on the landing over
    the tracks, but he's inconsolable. Not having any of that, Tingle whips out
    Dekushichi, a young Deku seed, and Iiguru, reinvigorated, rushes back to the
    park to try again. This time, the gardener is impressed with his enthusiasm,
    but requires him to demonstrate at least a basic knowledge of gardening if he's
    going to take him on as an employee. With Tingle whispering the correct answers
    in his ear, Iiguru is able to answer all of the gardener's question about
    growing Deku trees, and together they begin to cultivate the seedling. This
    unlocks a Secret.
    Iiguru's mother makes one final unexpected appearance on Page 13, disguising
    herself as a guard to free the captured party from their castle prison cell.
    I i j i m a
    Foot soldier
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irdozuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    A freshfaced member of the palace guard entrusted with keeping watch over the
    prison during the dance party. His youth and inexperience work against him, as
    he is easily duped into abandoning his post when Iiguru's mother arrives,
    claiming to have orders to relieve him.
    I l i a
    Malon wannabe
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Link’s kinda tomboyish childhood friend and daughter of Mayor Bo, Ilia harbours
    great fondness for both of them, as well as for Epona. But no matter how hard
    she tries, Epona just plain likes Link better. She doesn’t like it, but she
    does recognize the bond that Link and Epona share, and as a parting gift for
    his journey to Hyrule Castle, she makes him a charm that symbolises the love
    between man and beast. However, she is quick to anger when Link injures Epona
    slightly by recklessly jumping fences. She seizes the charger and takes her to
    Ordon Spring, refusing to give her back. After some coaxing, Link convinces
    Ilia to let go of the reins (pun!!) and let Epona take some risks once in a
    No sooner has he done this, however, than a portal opens above Ordon Spring and
    a gang of Bokoblins storms the village, knocking out Link and abducting Ilia
    and the village kids. Somehow, Ilia winds up pretty far away from where they
    did – in her case, she finds refuge in the Hidden Village. Impaz, wanting to
    leave because of the danger but unable to because of the relic she must guard,
    is in a huge dilemma and is very, very worried, especially what with the
    Twilight having descended on Lanayru Province. Ilia, ever the good girl, gives
    her the charm she made for Link, and tells her how Link will come and save
    them. Well, she’s half-right, but not in quite the way she thought.
    The next part of her story is a little foggy, but somehow she ends up miles
    away in Hyrule Castle Town, all of her memories wiped by severe trauma – she
    doesn’t even know her own name. Telma the barmaid takes her under her wing,
    letting her live at the bar for a while. When Link finds her there, Ilia
    doesn’t even recognize him, but Telma can see it in his eyes. As it turns out,
    Prince Ralis could benefit from the healing hand of Renado in Kakariko Village,
    and Ilia would be safer there, so they assemble in Telma’s wagon and Link must
    guard them from Bokoblin assaults as they cross two plains (going the long
    route, because the town’s east bridge is out). Thanks to Link, the trio makes
    it to Kakariko safely.
    Ilia spends the rest of the game here, but her amnesia (a really, really
    overdone cliché; I was disappointed by this development) remains. Towards the
    third-last dungeon, Link retraces Ilia’s footsteps and gets the charm she gave
    to Impaz, which causes a synapse to fire and restore Ilia’s memories all at
    once. The charm, by the way, is a nifty item that lets Link call Epona from
    anywhere, instead of just from preset points.
    Her father, Mayor Bo, is one of only two humans to have ever sumo wrestled a
    Goron and come out on top. Both he and Link cheated, though: They used Bo’s
    Iron Boots. By the way, does anybody else think Bo’s moustache makes him look a
    little like a boar?
    I m p a
    Royal handmaiden
    Race: Sheikah
    Appearances: The Legend of Zelda
                 The Adventure of Link
                 Ocarina of Time
                 Oracle of Seasons
                 Oracle of Ages
                 Skyward Sword
    Impa is supposed to be Zelda’s nursemaid, handmaiden, teacher, bodyguard and
    all-around loyal companion, but if you ask me, she doesn’t do an especially
    good job of it. She spends most of her time being injured and allowing Zelda’s
    capture. And she doesn’t even bother to show up for her first two appearances:
    She just phones it in, briefly summarizing the backstory. In this capacity, she
    seems to be something of a chronicler of Hylian lore. She’s one of the few
    people who seem to be mildly aware of the Triforce, and she knows all the
    secrets of the Hylian Royal Family.
    She actually appears in Ocarina of Time, in the flesh. While other games have
    her old and frail, practically crippled from her violent adventures, and
    wearing a long red robe, Ocarina sees her youthful, energetic and garbed in
    battle gear. This is interesting because it offers us our only chance to
    observe a real live Sheikah. The Sheikah placed the Gossip Stones and were
    responsible for many of the temples in Hyrule, but except for Impa they’re a
    no-show. They were the venerable stewards of the Royal Family in ancient times
    (mostly during the period when all of Hyrule was at war with itself), but since
    then their numbers have dwindled to just Impa. She’s the last surviving one.
    Maybe the Sheikah had seen through their intended purpose and were no longer
    needed? Killing off an entire race because they have outlived their usefulness
    seems a little harsh, but then again, the Three Goddesses did drown an entire
    country to stop a single would-be dictator.
    Anyway, Impa teaches Link Zelda’s Lullaby early in the game – this is in fact
    the tune that she used to play for Zelda to put her to sleep. When Ganondorf
    assaults Hyrule Castle, Impa acts quickly and flees with Zelda on horseback.
    For the next seven years, Hyrule is plunged into darkness. But Zelda doesn’t go
    down so easily. In hiding, she formulates a plan and tries to do it mostly
    through manipulation, but she also acts directly. To that end, Impa teaches her
    some of the Sheikah’s secret arts and she takes on the guise of Sheik. Everyone
    in Hyrule Castle takes cover in Kakariko Village. I don’t think Impa had a
    Ganondorf takeover in mind when she drew up the blueprints. When Link beats the
    Shadow Temple, it turns out the last surviving Sheikah happens to be the Sage
    of Shadow. Whew! What if it had been a different Sheikah...?
    Oh, and in the Oracle games she is either possessed by Veran and used to create
    catastrophe, or grievously wounded by a group of one-hit enemies, depending on
    which game you’re playing. Either way, she takes up residence in a house just
    outside of town and helps Link recover that game’s main item. In a main-linked
    game, she also opens the way to the side-quest that ends in Zelda’s rescue.
    A little old woman named Impaz appeared in Twilight Princess’s Hidden Village.
    They both have white hair, her name is clearly a derivative of Impa, and the
    Hidden Village is the abandoned but ancestral home of the Sheikah, so perhaps
    she is Impa’s distant descendant. Her only purpose is to give Link a book
    written in Sky Writing that will let him reach the City in the Sky, but
    reaching her entails one of the best sequences in the game, a tense Old West
    shootout with a slew of Bulblins set to some of the best musical pieces in the
    series. It was so good, in fact, it was even revisited in Link’s Crossbow
    Training. So thanks for that, Impaz.
    It's safe to say that, like with Fado, the Impa of Skyward Sword is a totally
    different character who merely has the same name. Or maybe I'm wrong. That
    said, she is still a Sheikah tasked with protecting Zelda, so in any event it's
    not like she's a total reinvention or anything. Her look is quite different, at
    least, as she seems to be quite young, has a much leaner body type, has gone
    blonde, and doesn't carry a weapon, seeming to prefer empty-handed fighting. A
    warrior from the ancient past, she sends herself forward in time in order to
    protect a pilgrimmaging Zelda, catching up with her just in time to rescue her
    from a band of Bokoblins outside the Earth Temple. Zelda has already made it to
    one sacred spring on her own, but Impa takes it upon herself to guide her to
    the next one; when Link appears seconds later, she gives him lip, basically
    telling him he's useless to Zelda as well as tardy. She then takes her to the
    Temple of Time, planning on hiding her in the past, where Ghirahim can't get to
    her. Ghirahim arrives to try and halt their exodus, but Link once again rushes
    in. He buys them a few seconds while Impa takes Zelda through the Gate of Time
    (one of two, as it turns out) and destroys it from the other side, preventing
    Ghirahim from pursuing. The pair then experiences a great deal of downtime,
    until Link finally manages to travel into the past himself. For her part, Impa
    simply keeps watch over the Sealed Temple (and the sealed Zelda) – at one point
    suggesting to Link that he plant a nice tree for her to wake up to, which he
    does, although he has another motive – until Ghirahim eventually barges in,
    incapacitating her. She remains out of commission until after Link has defeated
    Demise, at which point Zelda and Groose beg her to come back to their time with
    them, but she declines, saying she is of her own era. They leave her behind,
    but then of course it turns out that the old woman who has been guiding Link
    and Groose throughout the game was Impa the whole time. There's sort of a
    contrived keepsake hook shoehorned in there, just in case the clothing,
    gangliness, braid, teardrop tattoo and plot somehow hadn't tipped you off yet.
    In modern times, Link first encounters Impa after arriving at the Sealed
    Temple, where she gives him advice on how to proceed and makes cryptic hints
    about things that are going to happen later. When Groose begins living at the
    temple, she takes him under her wing, nurturing him into the game-changer (so
    to speak) that he ends up becoming. She basically spends all her time trying to
    guide and manipulate Link into performing the actions who culmination she
    already witnessed a thousand years ago, so in a way she is the chessmaster who
    ultimately defeats Demise, and Link is merely her Queen, although it's a little
    less impressive when you have foreknowledge. Interestingly, without knowing
    they're the same person, Groose seems to make friends with her in both eras.
    I n d i g o – G o s
    Producers of slammin’ tunes
    Race: Zoras
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    The Indigo-Gos are Zora Cape’s five-man music sensation. Though musical
    instruments and music themes have always played a huge role in Zelda, the
    Indigo-Gos are its first and only band. Unfortunately, like the rest of
    Termina’s residents Skull Kid has been causing them huge problems, some of them
    lethal. For one thing, they were booked to play at the Carnival of Time in
    Clock Town, where locals celebrate the passing of another year with festivities
    and prayer to the Four Giants. But the impending apocalypse has seen their show
    Moreover, the evil that has invaded Great Bay Temple has turned their usually
    pristine waters barely liveable. Naturally, everybody is a bit down. Once Link
    rousts Gyoakku from the temple, however, they spend the rest of the three-day
    time period playing in front of Zora Cape’s giant shell. It’s pretty neat to
    see them all playing together.
    Lulu (vocals) – Her mother was in the original Indigo-Gos, and Lulu’s voice may
    be even more beautiful. However, Lulu’s eggs were stolen just before the game
    began, sending her spiralling into worry and depression that has robbed her of
    the ability to speak. What the Gerudo thieves planned to do with the eggs, I do
    not know. As for the father, from a few casual references we can infer that
    it’s probably Mikau. Then again, would Nintendo allow such content as
    premarital childbirth into one of their marquee titles? Anyway, when Lulu hears
    the New Wave Bossa Nova, she sings it for a giant turtle disguised as an
    island, who braves the storm surrounding Great Bay Temple in order to deliver
    Link to its doorstep. As the wearer of a long, slinky blue dress, she is one of
    only a handful of Zora to wear clothes. This is a little odd, considering her
    alternate-world counterpart is Princess Ruto, who embraces the customary Zora
    Evan (keyboard) – As the band’s moody frontman, he assumes most of the
    responsibility for writing their songs. He gets quite offended when the other
    members write songs without his input. But their best stuff comes from Lulu and
    the guitar-playing duo, anyway. Almost uniquely, he has a number of golden
    scales among the typical white and blue ones.
    Mikau (guitar) – Mikau is so awesome, he gets his very own profile.
    Japas (bass guitar) – Mikau’s good friend, Japas backs him with a guitar
    fashioned from a crustacean. The two frequently hold very successful jam
    sessions in Japas’s room. They later use these riffs in their songs, much to
    Evan’s consternation. Japas styles his fins in a punk-rock style.
    Tijo (drums) – Substantially larger than the average Zora, Tijo plays a set of
    puffer-fish drums. He seems to be the only band member with all the pieces of
    the puzzle regarding their relationships with each other – he knows about Mikau
    and Lulu’s secret relationship, for instance. His body is of a different
    phenotype than most Zora. My Grade 10 Science teacher enjoyed the Genetics unit
    very much.
    Toto – I might as well talk about him too while I’m at it. Toto is the group’s
    manager. He handles their bookings and appearances. He seems to be relatively
    affluent and has made a lot of money from their success, meaning he’s made them
    a lot of money.
    The Indigo-Gos are best known for their hit single ‘The Ballad of the Wind
    Fish.’ That song is originally from Link’s Awakening: Marin taught it to Link
    so he could wake the Wind Fish and return home. Lulu wrote the New Wave Bossa
    Nova, which, incidentally, revives her near-death (?) eggs and causes them to
    hatch when they’re all gathered together. Also, Japas, Evan and Tijo all have
    solos on the guitar, organ and drums, respectively.
    Indigo-gos is a portmanteau of indigo and go-go. Indigo is a shade of purple. A
    go-go is a trend, as in ‘Henshin a go-go, baby!’
    I n g o
    Surly farmhand
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 The Minish Cap
    Ingo’s appearance is modelled on Luigi from the Mario series of games, and like
    Luigi to Talon’s Mario, he is always playing second best. He spends his days
    tending the horses and livestock at Lon Lon Ranch. Since Talon does nothing but
    sit in his house all day long and play trivial mini-games with visitors, Ingo
    is forced to do pretty much all the work there is to do. He proves himself to
    be quite an excellent farmhand and a capable rider to boot, but Talon doesn’t
    give him nearly the respect he deserves, keeping him downtrodden with barely
    enough of a wage to live on. This has left him frustrated and bitter.
    When Ganondorf takes over Hyrule, he kicks Talon out and gives Ingo control of
    the ranch. He forces Malon to stay and work for him, under the threat that
    he’ll mistreat the horses if she tries to leave. He continues this for seven
    years, whoring out the steeds to tourists for brief rides. When Link liberated
    Epona, Talon stormed back and wrested control from Ingo. After a time, the two
    actually became grudging friends.
    In Ocarina, Ingo wore overalls and a green shirt (like Luigi), but he traded it
    in for a fancy tunic and ruffled collar for his reappearance as Gorman in
    Majora’s Mask. This time he was the leader of a group of performers called the
    Gorman Troupe, which chiefly included two sets of twins: Twin brother jugglers,
    and twin sister dancers. They were scheduled to perform at the Carnival of
    Time, but were cancelled due to the impending apocalypse. Oh, and adding to the
    twin theme, Gorman had twin brothers, the Gorman Brothers. (...) If Link saved
    Romani Ranch from the aliens on the first night, Cremia would try to deliver
    Romani Milk on the second night. But the Gorman Brothers, like they had the
    past few times, tried to steal the cargo, so Link volunteered to fend them off
    as Cremia drove the milk wagon to town.
    Ingo returned with his dignified appearance in a manner not at all having to do
    with farming, this time as a money-grubbing landlord in The Minish Cap. Link
    was the middleman between him and three sisters, two of whom became tenants.
    The last one was out of luck for purposes of game balance.
    A character greatly resembling Ingo also appears in Tingle RPG's Lon Lon
    Meadow. He's never named as such, but there's not much reason to think it's not
    him. He does, like, stuff. Gives you paper or something.
    I n s t r u c t o r  O r w e l l
    The tolerable one
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Seemingly the younger of the Knight Academy's two teachers, Horwell is known
    for his extensive knowledge of animals but never does anything at all.
    I n s t r u c t o r  O w l a n
    The competent one
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Though he is rather similar in appearance to Horwell, Owlan has white hair
    instead of brown, making me think that he's older. Also, he studies plants
    rather than animals. This figures into a late-game sidequest in which he
    bemoans the fact that he's already finished studying every species of plant in
    Skyloft, and longs for a new intellectual pursuit. Link offers to find him
    something new to observe, and Fi provides him with a dowsing target...which
    ends up being a Kikwi. This particular one, Oolo, is by far the most cowardly,
    and wishes he could leave the Faron Woods for someplace a little safer. Seeing
    the opportunity to solve two problems in one stroke, Link summons Scrapper and
    hauls the hapless creature in the sky, turning him over to Owlan's care. The
    old man is delighted and hacks up a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals for the
    trouble. He also helps out when Link is attempting to make contact with Levias,
    suggesting he bring an offering of Pumpkin Soup and teaching him the Spiral
    Charge to fight off the enemy that has possessed him.
    I o n a  N a t t s u b a i y a a
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    With their vehicle's power supply running low on Page 6, Tingle and the group
    make a stopover in Aomono Village to procure a new one. A short ways down the
    path from the station, they encounter Iona. Like most women, she runs at the
    sight of him, and thus ensues an entire Page of trying to convince all the
    women in the village that he's not a pervert. As with everything else when it
    comes to Irodzuki women, this requires no more than a Love Push, and as he goes
    around convincing everyone of his benign intentions they slowly start to open
    up and help him. Iona's mother, in particular, has nothing but disdain for him
    at first but will chat with him about all manner of things after; she even
    gives him a chance to work the fields, and believe me you'll need the Rupees
    just to finish the chapter. Exhausting her dialogue tree and then retrieving
    five smiling mandrakes in the minigame gets you a Secret, too. The game also
    notes that she would without doubt be quite good-looking if she were a little
    younger, which is kind of terrible. Eventually, Tingle convinces everyone that
    he's all right, and one lady makes a call to Iona, who is hiding behind the
    security door of her family's shop. The woman will suggest Iona talk with
    Tingle, and after he Love Pushes her as well she'll finally come out of hiding.
    A slim 19-year-old girl in a loincloth-bra combo with a three-pronged pink
    ponytail, Iona is expert in the lore of the area. Even so, the Gasoringo, the
    item that the group requires, is a little more rare, and she needs some time to
    research it. In the meantime, her father, a stunted little lump of age and
    foulness, has Tingle take the shop's monkey, Masaru, in search of coconuts.
    He'll pay for every coconut retrieved, but the main motivator is the ability to
    grab Torimushi's lost hat from the top of a tree. Eventually, Iona will find
    what she's looking for and announce the necessary items: A Gasoringo seed, a
    Zekkou Chou, and...I'm sorry, I forgot what else. Somebody please remind me.
    Long story short, Tingle gathers all the stuff but Nimidanshaku rents the
    rental field before they can, to grow some sweet flowers to give to Iona. This
    elicits the opposite of the desired reaction, as Iona becomes inconsolable at
    their inability to create a Gasoringo, because by the time the rental field is
    usable again Tingle will have missed the dance party he's on his way to. At
    this point, however, he receives the ability to go back in time while holding
    onto certain items, so he is able to go back to a point earlier in the Page and
    rent the field before Nimidanshaku. All is well and, a little later, they are
    able to continue on their journey. Iona wipes away her tears as she sees him
    ...so, naturally, Tingle startles the living daylights out of her when he
    appears behind her, ready for another round of Love Pushing. Iona is definitely
    the girl most resistant to his attempts (although Emera gives her a run for her
    money). First he must wait until he's unlocked Level 2 gifts, and once he's
    filled her second heart she says, thanks, but I'm not interested in going to
    the dance party. Tingle then has to go talk to her father, who just wants her
    to go to the dance party and meet a nice man, and has made her a beautiful
    green dress. When Tingle shows it to her, she changes her mind, but then gets
    angry when she realises he's been conspiring with her father. A final Love Push
    changes her mind one last time, and she brings Tingle to her favourite place in
    the village, a clear secluded pond a little ways into the jungle. They talk,
    she snuggles up to Tingle, her father and Masaru secretly watch, and she
    decides to go to the dance party. Like the other four girls, she appears for
    the dance battle and the 'should I stay or should I go' sequence.
    I r i s
    The extent of my floral knowledge
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Four Swords Adventures
    Originally I thought that Iris was actually Maple, but an alert reader and the
    Internets informed me of my mistake. I think it was a fair one to make, though,
    considering are both are young apprentice witches who dress in blue and have a
    penchant for magical mishaps caused by arcane inexperience. In Iris's case,
    she's managed to levitate a house and transport it to the Dark World, much to
    the consternation of its occupant. Fortunately our heroic quadrio manages to
    right the situation, returning the young man to the arms of his lover.
    I s h i d e e s u
    Heart of stone
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Ishideesu is the fountain on Page 2, a statue of a woman pouring a vase fall of
    water into the pool surrounding her. Tingle grabs some water from her for
    cooking, and later gains the ability to Love Push her. She's quite rigid,
    requiring at least Level 2 gifts for a positive response. Beforehand, she'll
    turn away when Tingle nears; after, she'll greet him with a dazzling smile. Oh,
    she also has a switch on her bum.
    I z a
    Altrustic Charon
    Race: Hyrule
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    The spunky, fearless, afro-toting girl and her younger sister Hena may love
    each other, but that doesn’t stop them from being malicious wenches. Nah, it’s
    actually just sibling rivalry, really, and the two do seem to stick together in
    crisis and help each other out when the time comes, venomous barbs or no. Funny
    enough, they both also have an affinity for the water, and ended up opening
    water-related businesses in the same stretch of Zora’s River. For her part, Iza
    runs a boat rental shop, but finds herself in trouble when a cave-in blocks the
    route downwards and occasional Twilight patrols pull through to kill things.
    Luckily for her, Link comes to her aid with a handy Spin Attack, and upon
    hearing her plight agrees to get her establishment back in operational order. A
    few well-placed Bomb-arrows are all it takes to clear out the rubble and open
    the way, from whence she begins to offer him the privilege of giving her money.
    Just kidding, sort of; she also gives him the Bomb Bag she lent him for the
    purposes of helping her, with a capacity upgrade in the offing if he can get a
    high score in her mini-game. This is an interesting pastime which patrons play
    as they paddle, in order to ‘pass the time’ on their way downriver (>_>).
    Keeping close to Iza’s Zora assistant - who’s kind of cute and cool, but
    doesn’t have a name - Link pulls out his Hero’s Bow and tries to shoot a number
    of coloured pots on his way down the rapids. This was such a fun mini-game, it
    was reborn in Link’s Crossbow Training, though he flew solo in that (non-canon)
    iteration. At the end of the course, his guide affixes a rope to the boat,
    and...drags it and its passenger straight back upriver. O_o
    J a b u – J a b u
    Aquatic deity
    Race: Giant turtle
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Ages
                 The Wind Waker
    Jabu-Jabu is a giant green fish-turtle thing with a big blue gem stuck in his
    forehead. The Goddesses appointed him as the lesser deity charged with the
    overall safety and well being of the Zora race. So much for that. He never says
    anything and the influence he chooses to exert is pretty limited. When
    Ganondorf attacks, with warlock magic and a third of the Triforce at his
    disposal, he easily overpowers Jabu-Jabu, who is never seen while Link is an
    adult. The Zora are then unilaterally put on ice, and Zora’s Domain becomes one
    big icebox. Their other sanctuary, Lake Hylia, becomes festering with Tektites
    and is almost drained by Morpha, who has taken over the Water Temple. Nice
    going, double-J.
    Like the Great Deku Tree and Darunia, however, he also plays a key role in
    helping Ganondorf take over Hyrule: The third dungeon is Jabu-Jabu’s Belly, a
    surreal cavern filled with organic contraptions, walls that bleed when struck
    with the sword and an infestation of Bari and Biri (electrically charged
    enemies that float through the air and look a little like jellyfish.) Link must
    allow himself to be swallowed so he can venture into Jabu-Jabu’s digestive
    system and make contact with Princess Ruto, who eventually gives him the final
    Spiritual Stone.
    Like 90% of the polys from Ocarina, Jabu-Jabu’s is reused for Majora’s Mask.
    Well, his face is. This time, he’s not a deity, but he’s still a giant turtle –
    he’s sleeping in the middle of Termina Bay next to Zora Cape, disguised as an
    island. He even has palm trees growing out of his back. When Lulu recovers her
    voice, she sings to wake the turtle, who then carries Link through a terrible
    storm surrounding Great Bay Temple, the third dungeon.
    Jabu-Jabu’s Belly was a pretty creative dungeon, so he reprised that role in
    Oracle of Ages. Once again, the Zora worship him and he protects them. The
    quest to enter Jabu-Jabu’s Belly and vanquish the evil inside spans both the
    Past and Present.
    Now, in The Wind Waker, there’s a character called Jabun. I’m not quite sure
    what to make of him, but it is generally believed that Jabu-Jabu altered his
    body and changed his name, becoming Jabun. A few things in that game are made
    pretty clear, like the Zora having become the Rito, but Jabu-Jabu becoming
    Jabun is sketchy. Okay, the names are similar, and they’re both water deities,
    and they both offer a blue quest item, AND Jabun is one of only a handful of
    people to speak the ancient Hylian language (in other words, the language
    spoken by the inhabitants of Ocarina of Time’s Hyrule). Hmm, maybe I am sure,
    after all.
    J a k a m a r
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Possessing a strange name, a laidback attitude, a stylin' 'stache, and an
    awesome costume the likes of which might be found at a Japanese festival,
    Jakamar is one of the cooler characters in Skyloft. A carpenter by trade, when
    we first meet him he is attempting to repair the gate leading to the Bazaar
    area of the island, which will turn into something of a theme as Gaepora seems
    to have tasked him with all manner of projects throughout the island. A little
    later, Link discovers that one of the island's twin windmills, necessary to
    continue his quest, has lost a crucial component, the pinwheel that controls
    its direction. It's fallen through the clouds and into Lanayru Desert, but
    Jakamar offers to put it back into place if Link can find it, and makes good on
    his word when he does. In stark contrast to his worrying wife Wyrna, Jakamar is
    never too concerned when their tiny daughter Kukiel tries to go on
    mini-adventures or disappears for hours. There is, however, no doubt that his
    family is more important to him than anything else in the world, and his love
    for them is frequently what provides him with the creative inspiration for
    innovative solutions to complex repair problems. That said, he's afraid of
    heights, which you would think would be pretty debilitating when you live
    hundreds of kilometres above the ground.
    J a l h a l l a,  P r o t e c t o r  o f  t h e  S e a l
    Obese ectoplasmic entity
    Race: Poe
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
                 Four Swords Adventures
    Jalhalla guarded the Earth Temple’s inner sanctuary, where Link needed to
    deliver Medli in order to begin restoring power to the Master Sword. He was
    very large, very fat, purple and masked. He is the compliment to the Wind
    Temple’s Molgera, Protector of the Seal, but he’s also known as the Master Poe.
    In fact, his very body is composed of two-dozen Poes of various colours, though
    Jalhalla himself is a single entity.
    In either of his incarnations, Jalhalla is susceptible to light being directed
    at his mask. The FSA battle is barely worth mentioning, but the Waker one is
    pretty interesting. Using the Mirror Shield to direct light onto his mask stuns
    him. When Link lifts him with the Power Bracelet and bowls him into the arena’s
    spiked perimeter, he breaks into his component parts, which must be quickly
    destroyed. He soon reforms and the process must be repeated; he dies when the
    final Poe is destroyed.
    Jalhalla reminds me a lot of Boolossus from Luigi’s Mansion. Boolossus was a
    big boss formed of 15 Boos. When Luigi lured him into one of the place’s
    unicorn statues, he would break into the Boos, who then had to be individually
    vacuumed up with the Poltergust 3000. Both are ghosts comprised of smaller
    ghosts, so I wonder if Jalhalla wasn’t inspired by Boolossus.
    I don’t know if there’s a connection, but _V_alhalla is the final resting place
    of warriors in Norse mythology.
    J i i c h a n  a n d  B a a c h a n
    Adoptive parents
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    When Tingle awakens after having been sucked into the magic book in which his
    adventure takes place, he finds that not only does he still live at home in
    spite of being 35 years old, but he also lives on a farm in the middle of
    nowhere. This couple, apparently his mother and father in this world, are quite
    content in their old age, with the modest living they've built for themselves.
    Jiichan looks every bit the farmer, with his tall straw hat, overalls, and a
    piece of buckwheat sticking out of his mouth. He's also quite handy, and gets
    Tingle to help with one of their giant machines that has broken, and which
    subsequently fires him across the pasture. Tingle holds onto Jiichan's
    screwdriver, which ends up being the key to several boss fights much later on.
    If Tingle pays them a visit afterward, he finds them both flat on their backs
    near the house, their skin a sickly green. If Tingle brings back some of the
    medicine he prepared to heal Emera, he'll be able to revive them. If he
    neglected to grab the note that was near them beforehand, Jiichan will eat it;
    if he grabs it before reviving the pair, he can then show it to them, at which
    point he will learn that they received a strange package in the mail whose
    contents they recently consumed, having hidden it from Tingle until he left, I
    think because there wasn't enough to share. They apologize profusely and Tingle
    forgives them, unlocking a Secret. As it turns out, Emera met them when she was
    a little girl, explaining why Tingle's room contains an Emera clock, poster and
    J i j i i
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    If you're like me, you went around collecting dynamite without really
    contemplating Zonmi and her crew's reason for wanting to open the tunnel at
    all. It turns out that they're trying to reach Jijii, a bald old man with a
    wicker basket strapped to his back. For some time now, he's been stranded on a
    small plateau overlooking the port found on the next page, and he's overjoyed
    to finally be freed. He gives Tingle some background information before going
    and standing in the tunnel for the rest of the game. A skilled herbalist, he
    later provides one of the ingredients for Princess Emera's medicine.
    J i n m e n j u u
    Tender plant
    Race: Tree
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    By now, I think all Zelda fans should be pretty much familiar with the concept
    of sentient trees. Jinmenjuu appears in the forest of Page 4, warning Tingle of
    the gang of squirrels that basically owns the place, and incidentally
    introducing him to his six children, who are all nuts. Literally. They're all
    little acorn-like creatures with various facial features and other such little
    touches to distinguish them from one another. Nothing much happens on the first
    visit to Page 4, but a return trip will yield a side-quest: The squirrels have
    stolen all of his children! Tingle must go about the area recollecting them.
    Itsuki – The first visit required Tingle to interact with a large hedge that
    contained three abnormalities that then moved around, and he had to keep an eye
    on the one that visibly had a squirrel beneath it, then tag it with Pachinko
    when they all stopped moving. Repeating this same bit will yield Itsuki.
    Kiichi – Somehow got dropped into the pond. Tingle must fish her out.
    Konomi – Tingle finds her in the big green snake's tree, about to be eaten by a
    squirrel. However, the snake appears at just that moment, and attempts to eat
    the squirrel. To his sadness, the rodent escapes, and now he won't give up
    Konomi until Tingle finds an acceptable substitute. To free her, Tingle must
    offer a golden frog in exchange; there's one at the pond. In probably his
    cruelest moment, Tingle releases it in front of the snake. It then hops off,
    and the snake pursues, but we don't see how it ends.
    Mokugi – My note says 'device.' I have no idea what I meant by that.
    Mokushirou – Remember when Raion hid under a bell? Then he threw it aside? And
    now a squirrel lives in it? The captured Mokushirou lies within as well.
    Udoroku – This time, recall the purple bottle of juice that rolled across the
    floor when Raion fled the log cabin. If Tingle tried drinking it the Super
    Mario theme played and he ran outside, causing Kakashi to cutely warn him that
    he shouldn't drink stuff he finds lying on the ground. If you grab it now, you
    can give it to the squirrel choking on Udoroku, who will then eject him.
    As you might gather by looking at that list, they all have names that are puns
    on wood and trees. As you bring each one back, Jinmenjuu comments on the
    adventure that particular one has had and implores you to gather the rest. Once
    you have all of them, he summons a pelican to deliver them to faraway lands, to
    continue propagating the species. He then begins to complain of how lonely he
    is, when one final child pops into existence. He names this one Dekushichi and
    asks Tingle to find a spot for him to set down roots. The answer lies on Page
    10: Tingle must attempt to get Iiguru a job at Umineko Kouen, where a master
    gardener is looking to start a new project. Though initially rejected, Iiguru
    gathers his courage and motivation once more after being shown Dekushichi.
    After convincing the master gardener to take him on, the two begin to cultivate
    the seedling, and soon he has grown into a tall, smiling palm tree (in contrast
    to his father's more coniferous persuasion.) He then forms a seed of his own,
    which he names Kokochan.
    Since Jinmenjuu has been lonely, Tingle brings him Kokochan to keep him company
    a while longer. Though his need for company is sated, he's still sad about
    never being able to see Dekushichi again. Once trees start to grow, he notes
    philosophically, they are stuck to that spot for the rest of their lives, so
    when they part it's goodbye forever. He's so overwhelmed with sadness he starts
    to cry; Tingle comforts him by...no, wait, he harvests some of his tears for
    use in Emera's medicine. It turns out that that's exactly what Jinmenjuu
    wanted, however, so until it's time for his new granddaughter to inevitably
    leave the nest, all is well. I guess.
    J o a n n e
    Race: H...Hylian? Gerudo?? Or...or mermaid.
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    The sister of Jolene, whom you’ll read about in just a moment, Joanne is much
    less important. She’s ok too though. I could have just missed something really
    obvious, but I’m a little unclear as to whether she’s actually a mermaid or
    just pretending. Either way, she provides a great deal of amusement to the Old
    Wayfarer on Bannan Island, who muses that Link might be able to catch a mermaid
    with a fishing rod. Not having a fishing rod, Link instead hits her in the face
    with his Boomerang. When he reports back to the Old Wayfarer, he says she’s
    probably run off for another man, and when he goes to see Linebeck, the dog
    says that yes, he did talk to her, but she swam away. Finally returning to the
    Old Wayfarer, he finds that Joanne has settled into the pool of water in the
    dude’s house. In thanks for bringing such a beautiful creature into his home,
    the Old Wayfarer offers Link a Fishing Rod. Later on, when Link heads off the
    coast of Bannan to rendezvous with the Old Wayfarer on the S.S. Wayfarer, he
    notes that the mermaid eats too much, and he’s running out of money because he
    has to spend it all on food.
    J o l e n e
    Strong woman
    Race: Looks like Gerudo
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    Ok, first thing’s first. By all accounts, she appears to be a Gerudo. What what
    what!? I thought they all died in the Great Flood! Meaning either some of them
    somehow survived, or these are Gerudo from a land other than Hyrule – how can
    either of those things be?? Or they could be the spiritual successors to the
    Gerudo or something, or are just weirdly similar to the Gerudo, or it’s just
    Jolene’s personal style or something. Whatever the case we’ll probably never
    get an answer, and this paragraph may well be the deepest anyone will ever
    delve into the mystery, because it’s not exactly a discussion of broad interest.
    Anyways, moving on to more important things, Jolene has some kind of history
    with Linebeck that isn’t fully elaborated upon, but it’s quite clear Jolene
    believes she got a raw deal. She roams the extremely small seas of Phantom
    Hourglass in her pirate ship, ostensibly doing piratey things, only to drop
    everything the instant she spots the S.S. Linebeck on the horizon. With a
    bloodthirsty war cry, she takes off after it, firing torpedoes. Should she
    manage to board, she’ll immediately scramble belowdecks, only to find it
    Linebeck-lacking but boasting a battle-ready Link. She fights with the Gerudo
    traditional curved blade, but her skills definitely don’t match up to those of
    the N64 girls. After being bested, she takes off, and Linebeck emerges from the
    barrel he was hiding in and offers increasing Rupee rewards based on the number
    of times you’ve fought her off, levelling out at I believe 100 Rupees.
    She’s a very angry woman. She wears her makeup so it looks like she’s always
    glaring hatefully, and I think her teeth become pointed from time to time, but
    that may be my imagination. And come to think of it, her hair is brown, rather
    than the Gerudo red, so that pokes some more holes in my ‘Jolene is Gerudo’
    Late in the game, Ciela implies that she can clearly tell Jolene is in love
    with Linebeck, and it’s just that his shortsightedness and self-hate are
    preventing him from realising it.
    J o v a n i
    Stealing Midas’ ideas
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    A short, fat little man who sold his soul for infinite wealth. This backfired,
    however, because he himself was transformed into riches, and his cat was turned
    into a gold figure that sat on top of his head. Since this wasn’t quite what he
    was hoping for, and he badly wants to see his girlfriend, Jovani requests that
    Link track down the 20 scattered pieces of his soul and return them to him.
    When he does, the curse only half-breaks; Jovani can move around and his cat is
    returned to normal, but he is still made of gold and his eyes are still rubies.
    He gives Link an empty bottle as a reward and asks for all 60 pieces of his
    soul, and after receiving such he finally returns to normal and reunites with
    his sweetheart.
    J u n g l o
    Tarzan wannabe
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    A loincloth-wearing old man living in Deku Forest, which is apparently a jungle
    now. A number of years ago, he encountered a dying woman in the forest who
    entrusted her baby daughter to him; he raised the girl as his own, teaching her
    how to fight and survive. It's clear that he was once buff and handsome, but
    has grown a little past his prime. He seems not to realise this, vainly posting
    his erstwhile image all throughout the Forest, and boasting about the potion he
    imbibes regularly in order to maintain his (rather unimpressive) physique. He
    still has his uses, however, and Tingle can summon him to various points in the
    area to help with tasks he couldn't accomplish on his own. For example, Junglo
    has a pet baboon whom he commands to stretch itself across the span of a
    collapsed bridge. The monkey stays there for the rest of the game, squawking
    angrily whenever somebody walks across it.
    After a few things are out of the way, Junglo confides the truth about Aba, his
    adopted daughter, not realising that she is eavesdropping on the two. Shocked
    at the revelation and angry with him for concealing the truth, she takes off,
    and eventually winds up living with her birth father, the Armourer, in Port
    Town. Junglo never sees her again, and nobody ever remarks on this, not even
    K a e p o r a  G a e b o r a
    Avian manipulator
    Race: Owl
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
                 Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Four Swords Adventures
    Kaepora Gaebora is a human-sized owl who periodically swoops in to offer Link
    cryptic advice. There is an Owl character in Link’s Awakening who hasn’t been
    confirmed to be Kaepora Gaebora specifically, but most fans treat the two as
    one and the same (at the very least, KG was inspired by the Owl.) The first
    time we saw him was when Link returned to the site of his shipwreck to recover
    his sword, at which point the good owl laid out the general idea of his quest.
    Throughout the game, he functioned as a plot device who arrived on the scene at
    critical moments to explain what was going on and reveal a little more of the
    mystery of Koholint Island. He may have been an agent of the Wind Fish, and the
    manual mentions he might not have had pure intentions. He performed a similar
    function in his three reprisals, letting Link in on what’s been going on while
    he’s been at other locations. It is notable that in Ocarina of Time, he did not
    even believe in the legend of the Hero of Time, but by the time they met at the
    Spirit Temple (the last time), he’d been convinced. He only appears when Link
    is a child, since Sheik takes over after that, so his fate under Ganondorf’s
    rule is a little ambiguous. Many fans (I’m not really one of them, sorry guys)
    find his extended rambling irritating and unnecessary, so he has gained great
    notoriety for being annoying.
    K a g o r o n
    We Didn’t Start the Fire
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    Bearing a slightly larger beard than an average Goron, Kagoron is also coloured
    a lustrous muted beige as opposed to most Gorons’ dull orange-brown. As the
    spiritual and political leader of Goron Village in the Fire Realm, he serves a
    function similar to the Big Brother role seen in earlier titles. When Link
    first visits the community, it is besieged by falling firey rocks and the
    resultant blazes. Kagoron has travelled to the top of the mountain in order to
    pray for protection from their patron deity at the Altar of the Mountain
    Goddess. Link follows him up and hears him out; the Goron prelate implores him
    to find something to douse the fires, even giving him a free freight cart for
    his train so that he can fetch something, anything, that might help. This turns
    out to be Anouki-style Mega Ice, which saves everybody’s lives and wins
    Kagoron’s cooperation, as he moves out of the way of the cave he was standing
    in front of, thus granting access to the next Force Gem. Later on, he sends
    Link a map pointing out treasure in Dark Ore Mine.
    K a k a s h i
    Race: Wara-ningyou
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Kakashi is Tingle's most blindly loyal companion in Irodzuki Chinkuru and the
    one that leaves the group the least frequently. He is the first to be
    encountered, as well, as he oversees the small crop behind the fortune-teller's
    house on Page 2. Though at first he appears to be a full scarecrow (as befits
    his name), it turns out that he is actually a knee-high straw doll, and a darn
    cute 4-year-old child as well. Tingle convinces him to join his journey to the
    City, and is able to make use of his abilities. The first, 'tanomu' (request or
    entrust) allows him to command Kakashi to enter small spaces - including those
    of boss machines, which comes into play in a couple of fights – which is mostly
    used to circumvent obstacles or investigate mysterious cavities. His other main
    command, 'wara' (straw) causes him to pull out a piece of his head and prod at
    the target, causing them to laugh, or grab on, or what have you. His dialogue
    and animations when he does this are quite humorous, especially when he's
    instructed to perform the action on an object on which it has no effect.
    On Page 3, he manages to beat a crow in a fistfight, although his components
    are amusingly scattered everywhere. Moments later, Tingle looks away for a
    second only to have another crow grab him and fly off, necessitating an
    annoying Pachinko-facilitated rescue mission. In the boss fight on Page 8,
    Kakashi does his part by crawling up the Gasoringo plant's base and up its
    stem, then hanging from its head, dragging it within easy range of Pachinko. He
    gains his third and final ability at the end of Page 10, when the guard outside
    Service Hyrule asks to see the medal that he's been showing off the last few
    chapters, after which it is immediately stolen by a local boy. They pursue him
    to Umineko Kouen, where they persuade him to not drop it into the ocean in
    exchange for an action figure they got from a sailor, who in turn received it
    as a reward for eating extreme amounts of ice cream; the boy was promised
    1,000,000 Rupees from Segaare if he turned over the medal, but he says he
    doesn't actually care about Rupees and only wants the toy, proving he doesn't
    understand what money is. The medal, as it turns out, is actually quite the
    item, as anyone who casts eyes on it is duly impressed. The party tries to make
    use of it on Page 11, but is thwarted by Segaare, disguised as a street
    performer, who kidnaps the kid, leading to a trek across the desert and into
    the bowels of Usotami Village in order to get him back.
    He frequently annoys Raion with his ignorance and childishness, leading to a
    growing friendship and many comedic exchanges between the two. His most
    crippling flaw is his lack of brains, which is made clear quite often by his
    complete inability to understand half of what's going on around him at any
    given time. In his finest hour, however, he manages to come up with his
    first-ever plan, telling Tingle to tie him to a rope and throw him across an
    absent bridge so that they may cross. Tingle is able to progress, but a guard
    gives chase and both he and Kakashi end up falling into the courtyard.
    Fortunately, he returns for the final battle, where he follows up his sudden
    presence of insight by providing information on the enemy and ideas for how to
    deal with her. After their big adventure, Kakashi returns to the field he had
    formerly tended, where he instructs other scarecrows in the art of scaring
    K a m a r o
    Let’s jam!
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    A master of all forms of dance, Kamaro died before he could present his
    personal perfected form to the world. The work which becomes a new genre itself
    will revolutionize the world of dance, but alas, in his present condition
    Kamaro is in no state to be spreading the word. Luckily, Link is a shrewd lad
    who finds himself wandering Termina field one night between midnight and 6:00
    AM, when suddenly he spots the wisps of blue fire that point out Kamaro’s
    distant ghost (little blue fires seem to represent ghosts quite often in
    Japanese fiction. It has to be a folklore thing.) Hopping over the dry levee
    (or is it just a harsh, long winding river where those flowers float?) to the
    tall, mushroom-shaped rock in the middle of the river, Link encounters one of
    the creepier characters in the Zelda universe: a long, lanky, emaciated,
    shirtless, deathly white old man with an elongated head, overpronounced
    cheekbones, green-coiffed topknot and no pupils. He’s stuck perpetually
    practising the dance he dreamed up, unwilling to let it slip away but unable to
    do anything to the opposite effect. All of this is done to some utterly sweet
    Persian flutes.
    Recognizing a troubled soul when he sees one, Link whips out his trusty Ocarina
    of Time and plays a pivotal little ditty we like to call the Song of Healing,
    which is supposed to soothe the confused and allow them to let go of any
    attachment they still feel towards the world of the living. Unfortunately for
    Kamaro, in his case it’s not so simple. His creation, he explains, simply
    cannot go unlearned, but leaf-like medium that he is, Link is prepared and more
    than willing to take on the burden of learning it. Startled and pleased at the
    sudden appearance of a student, Kamaro eagerly imparts the meticulously
    designed routine he’s worked out, which Link is then able to duplicate with
    flawless fidelity upon donning Kamaro’s Mask, which materialises in his hands
    shortly after. True to his promise that the fruits of Kamaro’s labour will make
    their way to the ends of the earth, Link teaches the dance to the Rosa Sisters,
    who even end up performing it for half of Termina at the Carnival of Time.
    Secure in the knowledge that his moves will be passed on, Kamaro does the same,
    finally able to play freely without fear of risky things.
    Shout-outs to the similarly named Great Kamroh from the Baten Kaitos duplex,
    one of my very favourite experiences of the entire sixth hardware generation.
    K a m o
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Kamo is the bowl cut-sporting guy on the steps leading up to Windfall Island’s
    market. He’s sort of like a lot of us when we were teenagers: He doesn’t talk
    to anyone unless they’re outgoing enough to talk to him, writes depressing
    poetry, and claims that nobody understands him. The only way he’ll believe that
    you do is if you bring him a picture of the full moon (his allusion to which is
    vague yet painfully obvious), which requires you to first wait for one since
    it’s not worth it to cycle through days and nights over and over just for him,
    then snap a quick pictograph, head back to the island and shove it in his face.
    He’ll give you a Treasure Chart leading to a Heart Piece to express his
    gratitude, though for what I’m not exactly sure. The source of Kamo’s pain is
    his probably unrequited love for Linda that he just can’t bring himself to
    confess, hence his fascination with the moon, an equivocally beautiful object
    that fills his nights where Linda doesn’t.
    K a r a n e
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Though the Knights who rescue Link when he falls off Skyloft are sometimes
    female, Karane is the only girl at the Academy with whom we actually interact.
    So that makes her the most popular girl in school. She has a mutual crush on
    Pipit, and you can get them together if you want to, but before you do you have
    to deliver a Love Letter to her from Cawlin. To her credit, Karane is impressed
    with the gesture and legitimately considers dating him, but ends up following
    her gut and confessing to Pipit, who commiserates. Then they become the popular
    steadies and the king and queen of the prom! If it's not clear by now, I've
    been trying to paint the Knight Academy as the setting of a high school drama.
    Also she complains that someone is always hogging the bath in the evenings.
    K e a t o n
    Ninetales’ distant cousin
    Race: Keaton
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
    In Japanese folklore, foxes are creatures with magical ability. They are also
    very long-lived, and they grow more powerful as they age. Every hundred years
    they grow another tail, until they reach their maximum strength of nine tales.
    This legend has appeared in quite a few video game forms, and the Keaton is one
    of ‘em. Keaton is a golden-furred fox who appears to those wearing a Keaton’s
    Mask, which serves three roles in the N64 games. In Majora’s Mask, once
    summoned the Keaton will have Link answer trivia questions, the reward for
    which is a Piece of Heart or Rupees. Keatons are said to be mischievous but
    incredibly wise animal spirits.
    K e e t
    Probably related to Dovos
    Race: Hylian
    Appearanes: Skyward Sword
    The fact that Keet never seems to do anything but loiter around the Lumpy
    Pumpkin pretty much says it all. Seriously man, go to school or get a job. He
    has a crush on Kina but keeps it to himself, which is really for the best
    because she deserves better. He observes her and Link's duet, helping to keep
    the player on time; between him and Rusta, I personally find Keet easier to
    K i d  T o a d s t o o l
    Fun guy
    Race: Toad
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    A Rupee Good, Kid Toadstool apparently went to Hollywood in the hopes of making
    it big in pictures, but has yet to have a studio offer him a contract.
    Something like that. I'm guessing it's a Hylian folk tale. And he's not
    actually a Toad. That was a joke. If anything, he'd be a Puffstool, or one of
    those enemies from Kirby.
    K i k i
    Bipedal warm-blooded mammal
    Race: Monkey
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
                 Link’s Awakening
                 Twilight Princess
    Kiki is a monkey who opened up new areas for Link, but only if he thought he
    was going to get something out of it. Players were startled to find Kiki
    tailing them when they emerged from the hedge maze. For a large sum of Rupees,
    Kiki opened up the gates of the Dark Palace, being one of only a few monkeys
    who knew the trick to it. Similarly, he opened the gates to Kanalet Castle on
    Kohlint Island in exchange for a bundle of bananas. There are also monkeys in
    Twilight Princess. None of them is specifically named, but if one of them did
    have a name, it’s a good bet it’d be Kiki, and it’d probably be the pink
    bow-wearing one. These monkeys are struggling to wrest their domain, Faron
    Woods, from the grip of Twilight, and they enlist Link to help. After Link
    rescues each of them, they return the favour by propelling him to the boss
    K i k w i s
    Friendly mandrakes
    Race: Kikwis
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Both plant and animal, the Kikwis are a small tribe of mostly diminutive
    pacifists who make their home in the Faron Woods. Their disposition and general
    lack of practical skills make them quite helpless during the crises that
    frequently wash through the region, and as a result badly hiding is their only
    recourse. They are, however, well-intentioned and more often helpful than
    Bucha – Though most Kikwis come up only to Link's knees, Bucha is roughly twice
    as tall as he is. Perhaps this is because, as the Elder, he is the oldest and
    has thus had the most time to grow. Though not much more useful than any of his
    subjects, he is always willing to offer a spot of advice and a contemplative
    'kyu-kyuuuuu.' When the Faron Woods flood and Link is forced to search the
    water for Taptones, Bucha even shouts down instructions and warnings from his
    vantage point on a floating lily pad. He also mobilizes his people from a
    command centre when monsters first invade the forest.
    Machi – In some ways the 'main' Kikwi, Machi is the first one you encounter and
    also the one who sets you the task of finding and gathering the scattered Kikwi
    forces, prompting Fi to add Kikwis as a dowsing target. Screw dowsing,
    seriously. Of course, before you can talk to him you have to chase him down and
    convince him you're a friend, which sort of ends up being a pattern.
    Oolo – The most cowardly of the Kikwis, Oolo is consequently the best at
    hiding, and still very bad. He's terrified of basically everything and wishes
    he could live someplace safer. Link obliges and takes him above the clouds to
    live with Owlan, where he's able to live an even quieter lifestyle than before.
    Bucha may sometimes ask how he's enjoying it.
    Lopsa – Actually, Lopsa is the most cowardly Kikwi, he just doesn't do anything
    about it.
    Erla – The Kikwi with the coolest mask and the greatest carelessness.
    Yerbal – Unlike the other Kikwis, who live on the forest floor, Yerbal has made
    his home at the top of the Great Tree, where he sleeps constantly and refuses
    to participate in Kikwi society, hence his title of Kikwi Hermit. He must be
    awoken with the Slingshot (because somehow sharp Arrows fail to rouse him)
    before you can chat, at which point he explains how to enter Lake Floria. In
    spite of his assurance that he'll always be there if you ever need some sage
    wisdom, he never has anything to say.
    K i l i,  H a n n a,  a n d  M i s h a
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    I have to confess, I never even realised that the trio had names until I read
    about them elsewhere on the Internet, which sort of backs up my assertion that
    Twilight Princess named a whole bunch of stuff that had no business being
    named, for no rational reason. If these are the girls I remember from when I
    played the game, then I always took them to be in their early 20s, but then I
    read in yet another source (since I had to research them) that they’re probably
    more around 10. Bleh. Either way, the girls, clad in the colours of the Three
    Goddesses, hang around the STAR Game in order to catch a glimpse of Purlo and a
    snatch of his soothing manly voice. After Link wins the thing, they fall in
    love with him too, but they’re too shy to throw themselves at him so they run
    away instead, dropping Recovery Hearts in their wake.
    K i l l e r  B e e s
    Windfall Elementary School Hide-and-Go-Seek Club
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Clearly inspired by the Bombers Gang, a similar group of youngsters from
    Majora’s Mask, the Killer Bees are a group of truant troublemakers who pull
    pranks and raise hell for everyone around them, particularly their teacher,
    Miss Marie. Doesn’t seem they particularly have a problem with her, more like
    it’s just something interesting to do.
    Their well-intentioned overlord enlists Link, as a sort of super-cool big
    brother figure they’ll try to look up to and imitate, in an attempt to curb
    their yankii tendencies and bring them back into her folds. Her plan backfires
    mildly, and instead they challenge Link to a straight-up, no-holds-barred game
    of hide and seek. This played out in almost exactly the same manner as the
    Bombers’ cat-and-mouse challenge, except without any kind of time limit (not
    that it ever really made a difference in the first place.) The kid who makes
    his way to the beach area and cleverly hides in the middle of an open field is
    the most difficult, partly because he has so many careers of flight, and partly
    because Maggie’s father will sometimes run at you and spring open an
    unavoidable dialogue sequence that takes a hundred years no matter how zestily
    you mash the A button, giving your quarry time to make good his escape. Shut
    up, old man. I was two frickin’ feet away from the kid and then you interrupted
    me. I already listened to your spiel. I’ll save Maggie when I get to it.
    Please, please leave me alone now.
    After being thoroughly defeated in the sport of kings, the Killer Bees not only
    submit to Link’s will but acknowledge him as their one true role model, which
    is great really, because a young boy could do much worse for a role model than
    someone who constantly puts his own life on the line for the sake of protecting
    not only those dear to him but total strangers as well. The only downside to
    this is that from that point on, whenever Link enters the Windfall Island town
    square the squad immediately detects him, homes in, and swarms his location,
    refusing to piss off until he puts some space between himself and the square or
    goes somewhere they can’t follow, such as up a ladder and onto a ledge; even
    then, they’ll huddle at the bottom of the wall, ready to resume their assault
    as soon as he lands. Guys yeah, please go play or something. They must have
    been taking lessons from Maggie’s father.
    As part of their reformation, the kids look for a way to apologize to Miss
    Marie, and since they’ve heard she quite likes Joy Pendants, they decide that
    one of those will do nicely. Somehow they find one, way up a tree, but to their
    disappointment, they have no means of getting to it. After a while they elect
    to sleep on it, but since they’ve been kind enough to point it out, Link just
    goes and grabs it so he can earn kudos with the teacher himself. What a dick.
    The Killer Bees are as follows:
    Ivan, the lord – leads the Killer Bees as their lord in their various
    endeavours after deciding what they are. Ivan does the most talking and as a
    result he’s also the rudest, at least pre-subjugation. He probably has a good
    balance of talents. Renaissance Man?
    Jin, the shadow king – it may be that Jin’s position of ‘advisor’ means that
    he’s the one actually directing the actions of the group as a sort of shadow
    king; we may never know for sure. Even if he isn’t, we can probably surmise
    that he’s the most intelligent of the group.
    Jan, the enforcer – sadly, this is where my vague anime reference starts to
    fall apart. Well, Jan is clearly the biggest of the quartet and therefore the
    one relegated with more muscular tasks. Since this is a Nintendo game and
    nobody can be both strong AND smart, he’s probably stupid.
    Jun-Roberto, the Aldaris – treachery! Jun-Roberto plots and schemes night and
    day to wrest control of the Killer Bees from Ivan and slash open a new era in
    its history. Yeah, ok buddy, you know what? Even if you somehow achieved your
    sorry ends, the others would never follow you because you’re useless. That’s
    why you joined the group in the first place, because if you were strong you’d
    either be an independent Mugen or you’d have gathered subordinates of your own
    and formed a competitor or at least contemporary. So, no.
    The group dynamic seems to be getting along pretty well as it is.
    K i n a
    Pumpkin princess
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Young, cute, colourfully dressed, elaborately coiffed, and possessing a
    beautiful singing voice, Kina is surely a heartbreaker about town. She spends
    her time working as a waitress at the Lumpy Pumpkin, a small restaurant owned
    and operated by her father, shaped like a pumpkin, and set on a small island a
    ways away from Skyloft. At first she's a little sharp with Link, especially
    after he breaks the chandelier, but she comes around to him after a while. In
    the second labour he must perform to recover the cost, it's Kina who instructs
    him in harvesting pumpkins, and she who issues the bizarre challenge of doing
    it in stacks of five at a time. She does, at least, pay out Rupees for
    repeatedly completing the task without smashing any. For his third and final
    task, Link provides a harp accompaniment to Kina's nightly singing performance.
    It's a fairly finicky and unclear minigame that's frankly more annoying than
    fun, but it's a cute concept. Finally, Kina's father wants her to plough the
    fields, but she complains that a tiny girl like herself just isn't up to it. In
    response, Link delivers her the Mogma chieftain, who's initially chapped at
    being handed such mundane work just because he's a mole, but is convinced to go
    the distance for her after one glance at Kina. She forms a bunch of five
    Gratitude Crystals as a result.
    K i n g  B u l b l i n
    Silent antagonist
    Race: Bulblin
    Appearance: Twilight Princess
    This guy is actually pretty cool. Bulblins, the main field enemies in this
    game, are much greener and more orcish than their contemporaries, and this guy
    is the biggest, strongest, fattest one of all. He’s a skilled Bullbo-rider
    (having domesticated the mighty Lord Bullbo), he carries a giant axe, his eyes
    glow orange, and he has two wickedly curved horns on his helmet. Link first
    encounters him in Kakariko Village, when he taunts Link by hoisting Colin onto
    a pole and riding around with him waving high in the air. Link quickly mounts
    Epona and gives chase, hacking past his cronies and eventually forcing the
    nameless boss into combat. This essentially amounts to a jousting match set on
    Eldin Bridge. When Link wins, the boss seemingly falls to his death and Colin
    is rescued. But wait! Part of guarding Telma’s wagon on its path from Castle
    Town to Kakariko involves jousting against the guy again, though this time it’s
    slightly harder – and he’s missing a horn, because it broke off when he fell.
    He’s once again sent plummeting to his apparent doom, but reappears when Link
    storms their base camp in the Gerudo Desert. This time, they skirmish on foot,
    with the big man swinging around a bigger axe that causes all kinds of
    collateral damage as they fight. They have one final showdown in Hyrule Castle.
    He introduces himself with the first words he’s spoken all game, ‘I have come
    to play.’ When Link bests him one final time, he sees the light and switches
    sides. He’s always fought for whichever side seems to be the strongest – he has
    nothing against Link, as war and pillaging are just a way of life for him. He
    concedes a Small Key that Link needs to progress. Now why would Ganondorf
    entrust such an important item to an agent whose loyalties are so shaky?
    We see him one last time in the end credits, riding merrily across Hyrule Field
    with his buddies.
    K i n g  M o b l i n
    Big bully
    Race: Moblin
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
                 Oracle of Seasons
                 Oracle of Ages
    King Moblin is another one of those ‘ordinary enemies with extraordinary
    superpowers, not to mention greater mass,’ if we do not deem such a label too
    unwieldy. He appeared only in the Game Boy games, mainly as someone who
    terrorized the nearby population. He first swarmed over Mabe Village on
    Koholint, instilling fear in the inhabitants and kidnapping Madame MeowMeow’s
    doggie, a Chain Chomp named BowWow. Link had to liberate BowWow from King
    Moblin, who mostly had a charging attack, in order to enter the Bottle Grotto.
    In the Oracle saga, where he was known as Great Moblin, he was less lean,
    greener, and chucked oversized Bombs, which had to be tossed back to damage
    him. In Seasons, he harassed and tolled people from Sunken City, while in Ages
    he oppressed the Gorons and was responsible for their Elder being buried in a
    K i n g  M u t o h  a n d  h i s  K n i g h t s
    Ancient stalwarts
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    King Mutoh was the ancient sovereign of the defunct Cobble Kingdom, which ruled
    the waters thousands of years before Phantom Hourglass. As a high-profile
    person of interest, he was guarded by a retinue of four loyal knights:
    Brant, the 4th Knight – garbed in blue
    Bremeur, the 3rd Knight – clothed in green
    Doylan, the 2nd Knight – clad in yellow
    Max, the 1st Knight – dressed in red
    Brant, as it would follow, is the weakest Knight with the least standing, while
    Max is the most powerful and mighty. All four are massively tall and
    barrel-chested, as is King Mutoh himself, which may suggest that the Cobblers
    were a very large people, or maybe it’s just their thoroughbred upbringing.
    More telling is their pseudo-Egyptian clothing, which consists of those
    Pharaoh-style hats and striped beard-cappers, which goes along with the general
    Egyptian theme of this part of the game.
    In his quest for the third and final Pure Metal, Aquanine, Link gets a tip from
    Astrid that he should head to the Isle of the Dead and investigate. Here he
    encounters Brant, who was entombed along with Mutoh and his three
    contemporaries in order to keep the king safe even in death. The guardsman
    instructs Link to visit the Isle of Ruins, where the Cobble Kingdom once sat,
    and gives him the Regal Necklace, necessary for entrance. Upon reaching the
    island, Link quickly locates Bremeur, whose tomb controls the island’s drainage
    system, but which has a failsafe in the form of the key being elsewhere.
    Crossing the island and braving the dangers of Doylan’s temple, Link meets the
    Second Knight and gains the King’s Key, with which he lowers the island’s water
    level, revealing the complex network of walkways, stairs and footpaths that
    winds its way throughout the entire island, eventually leading him to Max’s
    Temple. Max, however, is unable to allow himself to just let a stranger go
    stomping around in his liege’s tomb, so he tasks the Hero of Winds with a
    puzzle he sets that requires him to figure out the ancient kingdom’s
    once-famous iconography. After passing this test, Link is finally able to enter
    Mutoh’s Temple.
    Much like the smaller tombs of the knights, Mutoh’s Temple is built in the
    shape of a giant golden pyramid, with all manner of traps to thwart would-be
    graverobbers and a slew of long-dead Stalfos and other dangerous monsters.
    After braving the temple’s dangers and defeating Eox, a massive stone soldier
    that was basically holding Mutoh’s soul hostage, Link meets the ghostly king,
    who expresses his thanks for restoring peace to the temple and his slumber, and
    his wonder at the ability Link has on display. In addition to a huge birdlike
    belt buckle, cascading shoulder plates, and round metal hat, Mutoh wears a
    sweeping regal red cape not dissimilar to those of the various Kings of Hyrule.
    Also, no shirt; he’s king of a very warm kingdom. Upon seeing the three Spirits
    that Link has accumulated, Mutoh realises that the boy is an ally of the Ocean
    King, and though unable to do anything to personally help in his present state,
    he’s only too happy to hand over the Pure Metal so that Link may continue on
    his quest. After that, he returns to his deathly rest, perhaps never to
    reawaken again.
    K i n g  o f  R e d  L i o n s
    Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    When the Three Goddesses drowned Hyrule, a sea formed over it and it was frozen
    in time. All the occupants were either dead or suspended. But its king, Daphnes
    Nohansen Hyrule, remained, awaiting the opportunity to rebirth his homeland.
    To facilitate his efforts, he took physical form above the waves, where he
    would be able to exert just enough influence when the time came. Curiously, he
    chose to do this in the wooden body of a red boat with a regal, bestial,
    talking figurehead. When the Helmaroc King threw Link into the sea, King of Red
    Lions rescued him and then drifted to Windfall Island. From here, he directed
    Link as he sought to gather the Goddesses’ Pearls.
    The boat was quite modular, able to zip along by sail, fire a cannon, and haul
    up treasure with the Grappling Hook. King of Red Lions was Link’s only way to
    cross the endless stretches of blue ocean between islands. He was also this
    game’s Navi, periodically offering gameplay hints via Tetra’s pendant (taking
    over from Tetra after Link’s first visit to the Forsaken Fortress.)
    He revealed his identity a little more than halfway through the game, when Link
    and Tetra headed down to Hyrule so Daphnes could point out the fact that she
    was Zelda without even knowing it. He is shown in the game’s final sequence,
    when the three combat Ganondorf (though he himself does not actually partake in
    battle.) At the end, the water ceiling collapses on Hyrule, sealing it forever.
    The game’s a little coy about the king’s fate, but it seems he drowned.
    Regardless, there is some poetry in his brave sacrifice of self and kingdom in
    hopes for the future.
    K i n g  Z o r a
    Whole wheat, whole wheat
    Race: Zora (betcha didn’t see that one coming)
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Oracle of Ages
    Most members of his species are lean and athletic, but King Zora is frankly
    immense. He’s three times Link’s girth. How can those scrawny little legs
    possibly support that much weight? I guess they can’t, because he spends all
    his time sitting on his proportionately massive throne, from which he governs
    the Zora people. King Zora XVI seems to be relatively well liked by his
    subjects, though without the blind adoration afforded Darunia by the Gorons.
    His main purpose is to block off the way to Jabu-Jabu until Link finds Ruto’s
    letter-in-a-bottle, at which point he scooches over to let him pass. (He again
    bars the way to Jabu-Jabu in Oracle of Ages, but in a political rather than
    physical sense.) When Ganondorf takes over, he encases all of Zora’s Domain in
    ice, and many of its inhabitants in red ice. When Link thaws King Zora using a
    bottle of Blue Fire, he explains the situation, directs Link to the Water
    Temple, and gives him the Zora Tunic if he hasn’t already bought it.
    King Zora isn’t the first Zora sovereign in the Zelda series, though. In A Link
    to the Past, a creature called Zora lived at the fountainhead of Zora’s River,
    selling the occasional pair of Zora’s Flippers. Lots of Zora look really
    different than the stock models, but Zora was just a really big Zola – I guess
    he was to the Zora people what the Helmaroc King was to Helmarocs.
    K n o w – i t – A l l  B r o t h e r s
    Race: Kokiri
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
    The Know-it-All Brothers have a very rare talent: Though very intelligent, they
    all have the ability to explain things clearly and without patronizing the
    listener. They hang out in their house near the Forest Training Ground, waiting
    to explain some of the all-new mechanics to beginners.
    K n u c k l e
    Possessed fiend
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
                 The Minish Cap
    In spite of being an utter sycophant to his older brother to the point of
    emulating his style of dress - though with blue in place of of green - Knuckle
    is a complete handful to the point that Tingle cowers before him, warning Link
    that he can’t control him when he gets angry. Like David Jr and Ankle, Knuckle
    spends most of his time walking around and around in circles pushing on handles
    attached to a pole, so that the giant effigy of Tingle’s head at the top of
    Tingle Tower on Tingle Island can be made to spin. He leaves the others
    straddled with the entirety of the task much of the time, though, as evidenced
    by the fact that he completely just wanders off to Outset Island for no real
    reason. This entails a short sidequest that involves you allowing Knuckle to
    boss you around for a while; basically, he gives a series of vague instructions
    about where to go, and after deciphering what the hell he means by certain
    things you travel to that location, play around with the Control Stick until
    the game recognizes you’ve reached your destination, and then listen to the
    next clue. After five or six rounds of this, Knuckle gives the unwelcome news
    that you’ll be seeing him around a whole lot more, because he’s hijacked one of
    the functions of the Tingle Tuner and replaced it with an inferior one. Nah,
    it’s actually situationally useful, but as I recall the one it replaced was
    actually one I wanted. Don’t remember what that one was, but Knuckle’s function
    served as a shop you could access from anywhere via the Tingle Tuner. Now you
    have to admit that IS pretty cool, and often more convenient than running
    through bushes for ten minutes looking to gather the supplies you need, and
    also allows for otherwise unprecedented records at the Flight Control
    Platform’s Bird-Man Contest, since you can buy a Green Ting halfway thr--no
    wait never mind, that’s a function of the regular Tingle Tuner. Yeah, I guess
    Knuckle is useless.
    In The Minish Cap, he merely sits atop a plateau and offers to fuse Kinstone
    pieces. So doing at a sufficient number of chronological junctions with the
    entirety of the tetran squadron will result in the unlocking of a variety of
    hitherto extremely well-hidden articles.
    K o k k o s a n
    Mah Jong piece
    Race: Cucco
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    A hen owned by Ojiisan and Obaasan; Tingle requires her unborn children, and so
    must distract her with chicken feed so that he can steal them for later murder.
    K o m a l i
    Snivelling bird prince
    Race: Rito
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Komali offers the single greatest example of character development in the
    entire Zelda series, at least until we get to Groose. All right, Zelda is not
    generally known for its intense, character-driven plots (but rather for its
    epic storytelling), and Ganondorf’s a pretty good one too, but Komali
    definitely evolves as the story goes on. When we first meet him, the Prince of
    the Rito is so agoraphobic he never leaves his room unless he absolutely has
    to. He clings (figuratively and literally) to his Din’s Pearl, an object from
    his early childhood that comforts him. He’s dependent on it and unwilling to
    part with it. He’s also rather infatuated with Medli, the Great Valoo’s
    attendant, but can’t work up the courage to tell her. Worst of all, though he
    could long ago have confronted Valoo and earned a scale that would start his
    wings growing, he has been too afraid to do so.
    Seeing Link stride boldly into the volcano and defeat Gohma stirs something
    inside him, however. He not only leaves his room, he gives up Din’s Pearl so
    Link can continue his quest. He then immediately gains his dragon scale and
    learns to fly. When Link returns to Dragon Roost Island, he’s looking for Medli
    so he can give her a flower he picked, though it seems he never does get to
    tell her his feelings. He seems a touch arrogant at this point, which annoyed
    me. At the end of the game, he is part of the rescue party that hauls up Link
    and Tetra when they appear on the surface of the Great Sea. He’s gone from
    being a snivelling wuss to an active ally – good job, Big N.
    K o r t z
    Objection! (SiO2)
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Like his compatriot Nackle, Kortz has a small beard. Also, he teaches us that
    Bombs explode, and that, as you will already know if you have played any other
    3D entry in the series, we require a Bomb Bag if we are to transport and handle
    them safely. When we return to Skyview Temple on our second run, this time to
    retrieve some Sacred Water, we find that, frustratingly, Kortz has appeared in
    search of treasure, arbitrarily moved a bunch of stuff around, and then
    forgotten what he did with it all, artificially lengthening this portion of our
    quest by quite a bit. Following the defeat of the Eldin Bokoblins, he takes up
    residence in one of the houses they left in the Mogma base, apparently all so
    that he could see what it feels like to say 'welcome to my place!' It's pretty
    funny. But, yeah, it seems like he lives there now.
    K o u m e  a n d  K o t a k e
    Senile surrogates
    Race: Gerudo maybe
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Seasons
                 Oracle of Ages
    Without the experimental magician twins, Hyrule would have been saved an awful
    lot of trouble. When Ganondorf was born, they raised him as his surrogate
    mothers, indoctrinating him with warped ideologies that would shape his
    ambitions and, thus, the fate of Hyrule itself. The two are fairly magically
    adept, but their power is limited in scope: They are skilled in elemental magic
    – Koume (red) wields fire, while Kotake (blue) controls ice – but to achieve
    great effects they tend to rely on sacrifices and elaborate rituals. Perhaps to
    compensate for this limit, they are able to combine their powers and become
    Twinrova, wherein they share a slightly less ugly body with the powers of both
    fire and ice. The secret to defeating the duo is using the Mirror Shield to
    reflect their magic, sending their own attacks right back at them.
    They might not have Ganondorf’s genius, but they too do their fair share of
    scheming. One of their smartest acts was to magically brainwash Nabooru, the
    Sage of Spirit and leader of the resistance against Ganondorf, and imprison her
    in Iron Knuckle armour. This essentially cut off the resistance movement until
    Link was able to free her. What’s more, they are behind all the trouble caused
    in the Oracle saga. By unleashing General Onox and Sorceress Veran, their
    intent was to light three mystical flames: The Flame of Sorrow, the Flame of
    Destruction, and the Flame of Despair. They succeeded in lighting two of the
    three but required Zelda to light the third. After much struggle they
    eventually did, freeing (or perhaps resurrecting) Ganon, which unfortunately
    for them didn’t last long.
    Though the real-world versions are fundamentally evil, their alternate-universe
    counterparts in Termina are really just sweet old ladies. They run a joint
    Potion shop in Southern Swamp, near the Woods of Mystery. Skull Kid beats up
    Koume, but she returns to fighting form when Link brings her a Red Potion.
    After that, she offers tours of the swamp in her boat.
    K o u n  B o u y a
    Corn Boy
    Race: Doll
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Would you believe, a talking doll that lives in Piitaa's house and teaches
    Tingle how to use Pachinko? Because that is what we have here. He looks like an
    opened ear of corn with arms, legs and googly eyes. He's a very nice young man.
    His name is the answer to one of Chekeo's quiz questions.
    K u k i e l
    Adventurous child
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Looking like a feminized, less creepy Malo, Kukiel is a spirited little toddler
    with a youngster's yukata and a taste for exploration. This causes no shortage
    of panic for her mother, while her father just kind of shrugs it off and
    assumes everything is fine. Kind of the Fujiwara Bunta school of parenting. At
    one point she disappears completely, causing everyone on the entire island to
    worry, but she's merely below it, hanging out with her friend Batreaux. At
    first her screams make it seem she's in trouble, but it turns out that the two
    are merely playing the Scream as Loud as You Can Game. Later, Kukiel asks if
    the Temple of the Goddess fell out of the sky because she was disobedient,
    which is adorable.
    L a r u t o
    Because you can never have too many Sages
    Race: Zora
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Like Fado, this wise, motherly character was murdered by Ganondorf so that she
    could no longer pray at the Earth Temple, which weakened the Master Sword. As
    such, she teaches Link the Earth God’s Lyric, the first half of The Wind
    Waker’s theme. When he conducts it for Medli, she awakens as a Sage and
    realises her destiny. I quite like Laruto for some reason, maybe because Zora
    are cool. Just in case you’re dense, I’ll take this opportunity to point out
    how similar her name is to that of Ruto, Princess of the Zora people and Sage
    of Water in Ocarina of Time. Also, off the top of my head I can think of only
    three Zora who wear clothes, and Laruto is one of them.
    L e d d
    Graphite (Pb)
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    A Mogma whom Link encounters several times throughout the game, and
    consequently the one with whom we deal the most. We first see him near the foot
    of Eldin Volcano, where he appears with his adventuring partner Cobal, warns us
    of monsters, hints that Ghirahim has been seen in the area, and then gives us
    some sass, though he eventually changes his tune once we've saved him a few
    times. We don't see him again until we've penetrated the Earth Temple, at which
    point he's become separated from his buddy and is surprised to learn that his
    counterpart is worried about him. After we help him out of a scrape, he's so
    grateful and eager to help that he not only honours our request to borrow his
    Bomb Bag, but outright gives it to us. As one of the more skilled and
    accomplished Mogmas, Ledd is something of a minor leader among them, so perhaps
    he takes over when Guld leaves. His greatest distinguishing feature is his mop
    of red hair.
    L e n z o
    Legendary pictographer
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Majora’s Mask introduced us to the Picto Box, but The Wind Waker takes it to
    new levels. To facilitate this, we have Lenzo, who lives on Windfall Island and
    has dedicated his whole life to taking quality pictographs. He gives Link his
    first pictograph machine, which can only take black-and-white pictographs. A
    little later, Link can take on a somewhat lengthy side-quest that ends with
    Lenzo shoving a fairy into his machine, creating the Deluxe Picto Box, which is
    capable of taking colour exposures. Carlov will only be inspired by a
    pictograph if it is in colour.
    L e v i a s
    Levitating leviathan
    Race: Lesser Deity
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    One of the spirits Hylia left behind to guide her chosen hero. After filling
    out most of his checklist in the world beneath the clouds, Link finds that he
    must learn one more song on his Goddess Harp, and, after investigating some of
    the records and personal knowledge to be had at the Knight Academy, he
    determines that Levias is a giant flying Wailord who lives inside the
    Thunderhead. When Link arrives, however, he finds that Levias has unfortunately
    also been possessed by a strange parasite that is flying around evilly and
    trying to kill him. After giving chase on his Loftwing and cutting down many of
    its appendages, Link is able to land atop the hard shell covering Levias's
    head, where the offending monster has taken up residence in his blowhole. With
    careful aim and his new Master Sword, Link is able to defeat the winged worm by
    deflecting its fiery projectiles back at its weak points. Afterwards, Levias is
    thoroughly apologetic for his prior conduct, and immediately acknowledges him
    as the prophesied hero. He agrees to teach Link the melody he needs, but
    unfortunately he only has one piece; Link must visit the three dragons who
    reign over their respective sections of the land below. After meeting with the
    three (and, in two cases, performing some tasks for them, one justifiable, one
    not), he returns to Levias, summons them and, in Skyward Sword's best FMV, the
    five join in a musical collaboration. Link learns the final song and is able to
    enter the last Silent Realm.
    L i b r a r i
    Race: Minish
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    Book ‘im, Dan-o: Librari quite possibly takes the Zelda cake for idiotically
    (criminally!) uncreative names. He resides in the Hyrule Town Library
    performing the bookkeeping with a stylish white quill bigger than he is. He is
    the focal point of a side quest that sees Link running all over town collecting
    people’s overdue library books and returning them on their behalf. In the
    aftergame, Librari tires of city life and relocates to a little cave in Lake
    Hylia, where Link receives the Heart Container with the most complex conditions
    of his career, requiring him to visit half the Minish in Hyrule. Librari wears
    blue from hat to shoes, the customary clothes of a Town Minish. He has a
    brother living in Minish Village, Gentari.
    L i g h t  S p i r i t s
    Baron Protectors
    Race: Lesser Deities
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    The patron deities of Twilight-era Hyrule, three of the spirits looked after
    the main provinces, while the fourth watched over a prefecture just outside of
    it. Each resides at a Spirit Spring, which restores Link’s health when he walks
    through it. They are Ordona, Faron, Eldin, and Lanayru, after which each of
    those provinces is named.
    Notice each name is a derivative from the Three Goddesses – ORdona, FARon,
    ElDIN, and LaNAYRU. Ordon is a goat, Faron is a monkey, Eldin is a boar, and
    Lanayru is a snake. Zant reduced the latter three to mere shells when he
    engulfed their respective regions in Twilight, but Link recovered their light
    from the insects that were running around with it and in so doing restored the
    spirits, allowing them to return light to their particular province.
    L i n d a
    Desirable bachelorette
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    This Windfall Island native is apparently quite popular with the boys, as not
    one but two young men fall madly in infatuation with her. The first is Kamo,
    the local brooding persona non grata and her childhood friend who now wants to
    be more than a friend, but isn’t man enough to do anything about it, leaving
    her oblivious to his feelings. Meanwhile, Linda is taken with someone else:
    Anton, Windfall’s studly power-walker. This somewhat slow fellow mumbles to
    himself about needing a girlfriend, but finds himself unable to think of any
    good candidates. If Link shows him a colour pictograph of Linda, however, he’ll
    be struck with inspiration and resolve to ask her out, which he subsequently
    does a few days later. You can find the lovebirds in Windfall Cafe, where Linda
    will happily announce that the two are now Facebook official and offer a
    less-than-subtle symbol of their affection, a Heart Piece, as thanks for
    setting them up.
    Her iconic orange dress was a gift from her best friend Sue-Belle, Sturgeon’s
    daughter, who lived on Windfall before returning to Outset Island to care for
    her ailing progenitor.
    L i n e b e c k
    One-man crew
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    Aonuma is really on a roll. Actually, I should give that credit to his
    character designers, but I don’t know any of their names, so I’ll just let him
    soak it up, because in any case he’s been responsible for back-to-back Zelda
    games that have introduced an incredibly cool character. Linebeck is 150 pounds
    of pure unadulterated awesome. (Contrast that to Midna’s 19 or so pounds of
    pure unadulterated awesome.)
    Linebeck adds some much-needed variety to the Zelda universe. Up to this point
    we’ve largely been presented with romantic archetypes like the heroic Link, or
    thoughtful townsperson, or unbearably evil Ganon. Only recently have more
    rounded characters begun to show up, and Linebeck is our latest proof of
    The rogue is dripping with more flavour than New York sirloin. Sarcastic,
    narcissistic, and self-serving, he’s probably the most realistic character in
    the entire series. He may not be as ruthless and vindictive as Midna or the
    Three Goddesses, but he’s not exactly a great guy. It’s quite clear he has a
    past, too, another rarity (I’m talking about Jolene specifically.) His entire
    motivation for helping Link and Ciela, the fact that his actions may prevent
    the ushering-in of an age of darkness notwithstanding, is that he views it as
    an opportunity to get rich quick.
    Yet at the same time, he also experiences some development. Initially, he sees
    his travel companions as tools, many of their detours as irritants, and the
    whole save-the-world thing as being quite taxing on his time. But by the end,
    it’s clear they’ve grown close. He’s broadened his horizons, and come to find
    worth in things he’d never before considered valuable. In the finale, he even
    displays a bit of unprecedented heroism. And he does it all without sacrificing
    what made him cool in the first place, or at least not entirely.
    He’s visually different from basically every other character in the series, as
    well. His disproportionate body, admiral’s coat, and deep bags under his eyes
    give him a unique look. He’s also the only main character so far who’s
    middle-aged – we see our young (usually very young) heroes, and our wise old
    men and women, and our however-old villains, and Linebeck adds variety, like I
    said earlier. On top of that, he’s always playing with some gadget or another,
    a sea chart or his telescope or whatever.
    He makes another first by being the only non-evil character besides Link to
    venture into a dungeon alone. Of course, he almost immediately becomes stuck
    and requires Link to rescue him, but I still thought it was cool.
    Most of the time, though, he just stays with the boat. It could have to do with
    the fact that he’s a bit of a coward (or, in my view, prefers to go around
    problems instead of through them), but more likely it’s because he’s a
    character who began life as a game mechanic. TWW solved some boat-related
    design conundrums by making the boat alive; PH does it with Linebeck, whose
    main purpose throughout the story (in addition to trading witty banter with
    Ciela) is to operate his ship, the S.S. Linebeck, which he does from below as
    Link stands on deck, manning its contraptions, watching the horizons and
    charting a course. In fact, it’s a pretty sweet ride; Link should be glad to
    have it at his disposal. Notably, there’s no sailing in PH, rather the S.S.
    Linebeck is of course a S.teamS.hip, which is pretty interesting.
    In fact, interesting sums up Linebeck himself quite well. Another good job,
    Kyouto boys and girls!
    L i n e b e c k  I I I
    Manipulative merchant
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    Linebeck III’s introduction is so well done. We complete a dungeon and a new
    spot opens up on the map; we go to investigate, not expecting anything more
    special than a hint as to our new destination; and then BAM! Out of nowhere, we
    have Linebeck, except with a really cool new hat. Basically a carbon copy of
    the now dearly departed Linebeck from Phantom Hourglass, but somewhat less sly
    and definitely less resourceful, Linebeck III (and presumably Linebeck II?) is
    every bit as money-obsessed as his grandfather (come to think of it, what fine
    lass did Linebeck settle down with, now?). Inanity aside, we quickly find out
    that Linebeck knows a guy who can fix the bridge leading to the Ocean Realm,
    but he owes a huge debt to him. It’s a problem, but Linebeck I had the presence
    of mind to leave his grandson a Regal Ring if he were ever in serious trouble;
    I’m guessing he had a more desperate situation in mind, but Link braves the
    monsters and traps, recovers the ring, and offers it to the Bridge Worker in
    place of Linebeck’s debt, which is really an awfully good deal, because the
    Ring’s market value is almost twice as much as he owed. That actually really
    annoyed me, it just seemed like such a waste.
    Either way, after this, Linebeck’s Trading Post becomes available for business.
    At what are, all things considered, very reasonable deals, Linebeck will trade
    Rupees or Train Parts for Treasures. If you want to get the golden set and thus
    have the maximum possible number of hearts, you’re going to have to be either
    very dedicated or rather lucky, because although most people have a majority of
    the Treasures they need, some are just really hard to come by, requiring
    countless runs through the shooting gallery or what have you in order to obtain
    the necessary items. This is also a great way to make money, as you can easily
    make a run through Whittleton with your sword and Whirlwind and find a whole
    ton of common Treasures that you can haul back for a super-quick 50 Rupees each.
    Late in the game, Link can undertake a sidequest that involves hauling Goron
    special-crop Dark Ore from the eastern Fire Realm all the way to the Trading
    Post. If he can manage to bring Linebeck a turn of 5 or more Dark Ore, which he
    badly wants for research purposes, he’ll be rewarded with another batch of
    Spirit Tracks.
    L i n k
    Saviour of Hyrule
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: All main-series Zelda games
                 Link’s Crossbow Training
    Here he is: The main man of the Zelda series. Link, in his numerous
    incarnations, has continually wielded items and weapons of great power and
    ingenuity, vanquished evil, played countless mini-games and, above all, guarded
    Hyrule from whatever danger it might face. He’s had various companions and
    allies over the years, but operates largely alone, as a single brave warrior
    standing against vastly greater odds. He’s a very romantic hero in that sense.
    Let’s talk about his signature garb. From day one, Link has worn his highly
    identifiable green tunic. It has been a few colours; in Ocarina of Time,
    differently coloured tunics had different magical properties, and in the Four
    Swords series each player takes on a Link of varying tunic colours (including a
    purple one for P4.) But most important is his headgear, a long green cap that
    falls behind his head and ends in a point. That cap is like his calling card.
    In The Minish Cap, Ezlo just so happened to take that form when he was
    transformed into a hat. Link is typically seen with a sword and shield slung
    over his shoulders, as those are his preferred weapons in combat. The Wind
    Waker marked the first time we saw Link without the trappings of the green garb
    – he wore typical islander clothing for about two minutes until he got the
    Hero’s Clothes, or for the whole game in the Second Quest. In Twilight
    Princess, he begins with a cool ranch-hand costume, but quickly moves on. The
    situation is somewhat similar in Spirit Tracks, where he begins with the
    Engineer’s Uniform but is in his customary attire by the time the adventure is
    underway (though he has the option of returning to the new outfit much later.)
    Skyward Sword begins to turn it into a tradition, as the first ten minutes or
    so have him in typical Skylofter apparel, the most notable feature of which is
    one of those really cool giant belts sometimes seen in more traditional
    Japanese clothing.
    Link is altruistic by nature. Many times, he has faced seemingly insurmountable
    challenges that taxed him in every way, simply because he knew it was the right
    thing to do. Furthermore, he takes time out of his imperative quests so that he
    may stop and assist people in their personal lives. He has repaired
    relationships, elevated struggling businesses, turned people away from lives of
    crime, delivered medicine to the ill and injured, restored old glories’
    confidence, comforted people in times of need, befriended total strangers
    because they needed him to, saved quite a number of people from being mugged by
    thieves or assaulted by monsters, and united a fair few couples. And that only
    scratches the surface. He does all this without expecting any reward, and he
    often doesn’t get one – and that’s just fine with him, because that’s how he is.
    His destiny is irrevocably intertwined with that of Ganondorf, Zelda, the
    Triforce, and the Three Goddesses. Again and again he has been reincarnated to
    combat evil, wielding the Triforce of Courage. Nearly every time Ganondorf has
    tried to conquer Hyrule, which would give him near-infinite power, Link has
    stopped him at the last minute. Zelda has sought him out time and again,
    understanding what must be done. His work will never be done until all evil has
    been purged from the land.
    Link is a smart little dude, and quite good with his hands. He seems able to
    instantly master any tool or item he finds, even if he’s never seen one before
    – the rhythms of Hookshots, Boomerangs, Bows, the reins of a horse, Mole Mitts,
    BASE jumping, and even musical instruments are all second nature to him. Though
    he has, admittedly, had a few tutors, he seems almost supernaturally adept with
    a sword, able to best exceptionally skilled practitioners while having had
    almost no formal training. He easily masters the Spin Attack, the hidden move
    of the ancient Hylia, when only a handful of others have. This is a clear
    indication of his intelligence – through careful observation and deductive
    critical thinking, he is able to solve dungeon puzzles that would confound the
    most logical mathematician.
    Yet despite this intelligence, Link never seems to speak. Or if he does, his
    dialogue is assumed, as many characters seem to respond to his ‘words,’ and he
    is able to pass along information without banter. Obviously, this is a holdover
    from early on in the video games industry when voice-overs weren’t yet
    standard. In one interview, Miyamoto mentioned that one of the main reasons
    Link didn’t have any dialogue in The Wind Waker despite the available
    technology was that many people have imagined in their heads what his voice
    would sound like, and he didn’t want to spoil it for them. I think it has more
    to do with one of the stated key concepts behind Zelda: When you play a Zelda
    game, you don’t play as Link, you actually _become_ Link, and giving him overly
    much character would take away from that. (I think the developers succeed at
    this goal.) Regardless, in more recent games Link has had a collection of
    yells, squawks, grunts, and cries of pain to punctuate whatever he’s doing.
    Another quirk is his laterality. In a world filled with right-handed
    characters, Link is a lefty. Did you know that, on average, right-handers live
    eight years longer than left-handers? Or something like that. Actually, there’s
    some evidence that he’s ambidextrous, though I prefer left-handed to ambi. Fun
    fact: In the first and second Zelda games, Link held his sword in his right
    hand when facing to the right. Why swap? Official answer: Death Mountain is to
    the north, so he keeps his shield toward it to fend off its evil energies.
    Real-world answer: Lazy designers have less work to do when they simply flip
    the sprite rather than drawing a whole new one. With the release of Skyward
    Sword, we also have a canon right-handed Link, so I just don't know anymore.
    It's an abomination, frankly.
    Link appears as one of the initial eight characters in Super Smash Bros, and
    both he and Young Link (from Ocarina; YL is unlockable) come on out for Melee.
    Both Link and Toon Link show up in Brawl. Link is a sub-par character in all
    three, unfortunately, and Young Link is even worse. The fact is, Link is just
    way too slow and laggy, and Young Link is too weak and light. Toon Link
    is...halfway decent, actually, but still fairly lacking. They barely ever see
    competitive play, but seem to show up an awful lot in casual games. When they
    do take to the field, Link relies on his mildly powerful Smash attacks and the
    good mid-range game that comes with his Bombs, Bow and Boomerang. Three of
    Melee’s Event Matches are focussed on Link: One has Young Link pitted against
    the superior Link, and another has Link against a black-coated Level 9 Link
    CPU. Triforce Gathering, maybe my favourite Event Match, has Link (player) and
    an idiotic Zelda on a team against Ganondorf.
    That’s not his only fighting game appearance, however. Link was the
    GameCube-exclusive character on Namco’s Soul Calibre 2. His story here is
    non-canon to both Zelda and Soul Calibre, and is boring and uncreative anyway.
    Opinions on his power are mixed: I’ve heard both that he’s the most broken
    character in the game, and that he’s the weakest. I know nothing about
    competitive SC so I can’t speak to that, but I will vouch that I do all right
    with him and that he looks pretty damn cool when the SC aesthetic is applied to
    him. Every character in SC has buyable weapons that horrendously unbalance the
    game, and Link gets a little trip down memory lane with everything from the
    Magic Sword to the Megaton Hammer to the Mirror Shield. At least the boys and
    girls at Namco took the time to do their research. I must also say that the
    movies associated with Link are pretty neat, especially his Weapon
    Demonstration – that is some seriously sweet stuff imho! It’s fun to see the
    sword techniques that wouldn’t make sense in an adventure game.
    Link is so legendary, many have seen fit to give him a cameo in their games –
    which is only fair, really, considering stuff like the Mario paintings in
    houses and Yoshi portrait in Hyrule Castle. Thinking back, in the original
    Final Fantasy there was a cemetery in Elfland, where Link’s name appeared on a
    headstone, but only in the Japanese version – due to licensing restrictions,
    the text was changed to ‘Here lies Erdrick,’ as in the hero of the Dragon
    Warrior series, for the NTSC version. I’m pretty sure he also appeared as one
    of the characters playing an instrument in the credits of the NES Tetris. He
    might also be in F-1 Race, but somehow I’m thinking he isn’t (a little help,
    anyone?) I’m not a big fan of World of WarCraft, but one quest in that game
    involves a green tunic-clad gnome named Linken, who is trying to recover his
    Golden Flame or something – an obvious reference to the Triforce. At the inn in
    Super Mario RPG, Link is seen resting up – after a while, he checks out and
    Samus from Metroid takes his place. In Donkey Kong Country, Cranky Kong rates
    DK at the end of the game based on his percentage of completion; he is rated
    against three other heroes, and Rank C (C?? What kind of Zelda-bashing bs is
    that!? ^_-) is Link. There’s yet more! In the Kirby series, in every title
    after Kirby’s Adventure, when Kirby gained the Sword ability he donned Link’s
    hat (with a yellow bobble on the end) and wielded a caricaturized version of
    the Master Sword, Sword Beams and all. And incidentally, the boss Paint Roller
    will sometimes sketch an image of the Triforce.
    L i n k ’ s  r e l a t i v e s
    It’s all about family
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
                 Ocarina of Time
                 The Wind Waker
                 The Minish Cap
    Link is generally portrayed as a free-rollicking dude without any family to tie
    him down. That doesn’t cheapen his intense loyalty, of course, since he clearly
    values people like Saria. Anyway, a lot of fans assume that he and Zelda get
    married, maybe in multiple incarnations, but this unlikely scenario
    notwithstanding he actually has more rets than you might think.
    Link’s uncle – He was so irrelevant, the devs never even bothered to give him a
    name. That’s just as well. The moustachioed, blue-haired thug receives Zelda’s
    telepathic cry for help in the night. Taking up the family sword, he strides
    forth and is promptly killed by Moblins. Link, who also got the message, comes
    upon his uncle as he dies and receives the sword from him. Uncster’s famous
    last words were ‘Zelda is your...’ which a lot of people took to be ‘Zelda is
    your sister,’ or any number of things, really. The Japanese version tells us
    that it was actually supposed to be the somewhat nonsensically phrased ‘Zelda
    is your destiny,’ but the last word got cut off due to the size of the text
    box. He is revived at the end of the game as part of Link’s wish to the
    Link’s mommy – Ocarina of Time’s manual explains that Link’s mom was attacked
    and mortally wounded when he was only a few days old, but she managed to
    stagger to the Great Deku Tree before dying. She pleaded with him to raise Link
    among the Kokiri, which he did, knowing Link’s destiny.
    Aryll – As one of two relative characters in The Wind Waker, Aryll really
    pisses a lot of people off. They ask, Why does Link suddenly have a sister? OMG
    IT MAKES NO CENSE!!!1 Well, she’s there, deal with it. She’s also quite a sweet
    little girl who looks a lot like Zelda, and gets kidnapped in the beginning of
    the game because of it. This sets the story in motion. On Link’s first journey
    up the Forsaken Fortress, he almost rescues her but is captured before he can.
    In the redux, Tetra’s pirates appear and whisk her off to safety, along with
    Mila and Maggie. The latter two return home to Windfall Island but Aryll stays
    with the pirates for the duration of the game. They even pay her for the work
    she does on the ship, which she mails to her brother in a genuinely sweet show
    of support. At the end of the game, she watches sadly as Link sails away from
    Outset Island forever.
    Grandma – For some reason, Grandma creates less waves than Aryll. Whatever. She
    is responsible for giving Link the Hero’s Clothes, the family Hero’s Shield,
    and batch after batch of hearty soup that is not only free, but the most
    powerful potion in any Zelda game: It completely replenishes Link’s health and
    magic, AND doubles his attack power until he’s struck. That’s pretty awesome
    stuff. There’s a very emotional scene when she looks sadly out to sea at the
    retreating stern of the pirate ship as Link heads off for the Forsaken
    Fortress. She becomes despondent and depressed when Link leaves, but a fairy
    cheers her up. Her figurine says she enjoys playing the occasional prank on
    Smith – Link gets another uncle for The Minish Cap, who looks nothing like the
    previous one. This guy is kinda cool because he was an accomplished swordsman
    in his youth, fighting to a draw with King Daltus at the Picori Festival. He
    spends most of his time in his and Link’s house, shaping steel in the workshop.
    L i n k – g o r o
    Mysterious doppelganger?
    Race: Goron
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    No, YOU don’t know how to alphabetize.
    Ocarina of Time featured a Goron named Link (or whatever you named yourself)
    who was the apparently seven-year-old progeny of Big Brother Darmani, who named
    him such in honour of his brotherly relationship with hero of the Gorons and
    honourary Goron Link, who would later take the mantle of Hero of Time and
    encounter his namesake, who explained that the race was again in danger of
    extinction as the recently resurrected firedragon Volvagia had burninated half
    their home and kidnapped most of its inhabitants, presumably for the purposes
    of storage and later consumption. To assist Link in his quest to save everyone
    he’s ever loved, Link the Goron helpfully provides the heat-resisting Goron
    Tunic, which is a lot more than other characters do for Link when he’s trying
    to accomplish something similar. Link-goro, however, is obviously quite
    different from this character (whom I don’t feel like giving an entry and thus
    avoided doing so by halfheartedly describing him in this one): Much older and
    worse-educated, some have actually theorized that he is Link’s alt-world
    analogue. We’ve also done the same for the Deku Butler’s son and Skull Kid,
    though, so the idea holds like zero weight.
    Link-goro’s main purpose is to have a name similar enough to Link’s that
    scatterbrained hotel manager Anju mistakes the two and thinks that Link has a
    reservation, which was made by Link-goro in advance of his arrival in Clock
    Town. You can actually observe him and Anju having one of two conversations,
    depending on whether or not you snagged the poor guy’s reservation already; one
    simply has him happily take his room key and disappear into his room, never to
    return. In the other, he and Anju try to figure out what happened, but nothing
    can be done because the rooms are all filled (all three of them), and it ends
    with Link-goro leaving sadly. And that’s about all he ever does.
    Due to his tendency to wear clothing, Link-goro’s design is about a hundred
    times more interesting than that of any other Goron. He has what TVtropes would
    call a ‘badass hat,’ a stitched blue vest, and a whole ton of traveller’s
    luggage riding around on his back, with the typical, you know, like gigantic
    wooden garbage can type thing, on top of which is lashed a rolled sleeping bag
    that he never actually uses, preferring to simply sit on the ground. It rains
    on the 2nd Day, so he takes shelter under a canopy just outside the inn. He
    also finishes every single sentence with ‘-goro.’ ‘Really-goro?’ Also, I think
    he’s the single and only person in the world who came to Clock Town as a
    tourist, which is odd since it’s supposed to be a huge event. Ok fine, maybe
    the apocalypse resulted in a slightly lower turnout than projected.
    L o k o m o s
    Brand new dance
    Race: Lokomos
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    As Link journeys around Hyrule, he must meet with the master of the Sanctuary
    within each Realm in order to learn a new song for his Spirit Flute, which
    restores the Spirit Tracks leading to the next Temple and thus grants access
    his next destination. Locating and then satisfying the needs of each successive
    guardian often entails a small quest in and of itself. Each Lokomo including
    Anjean, he finds, rides around in a little bulbous putt-putting hoverchair.
    They also all have names that are puns on elements of a train, which is an
    extraordinary coincidence, really.
    Gage - Guardian of the Forest Sanctuary, Gage proudly displays an afro, a
    goatee and a cello. Appearing to be around 30 or so, he is by far the youngest
    of the Lokomo we meet.
    Steem – Snow Sanctuary Sage Steem sports a shamisen. The vainest of the Lokomo,
    he is the only one who cares about his cave’s interior design, and will later
    ask Link to deliver a Papuchia Village pot to liven the place up a bit.
    Carben – Flute-wielder Carben is the steward of the Ocean Realm and the Lokomo
    with the most involved storyline quest. When Link and Zelda arrive at his
    Sanctuary, they find a hastily written note explaining that he has departed for
    Papuchia Village; backtracking, they find him flying in the sky on the wings of
    some of the giant black birds who carry trapezes in their talons. Learning the
    Song of Birds from a nearby Song Stone, Link uses it in the vicinity to attract
    Carben’s attention and bring him down. After a short chat, he agrees to return
    with them to Ocean Sanctuary, but on the way there they are assuaged by
    Bokoblin pirates. Link leaps to the passenger car to defend Carben from the
    would-be kidnappers, eventually taking down a huge, club-wielding,
    hitstun-impervious Big Blin. With this defeat the pirates withdraw and the trio
    continues to the Sanctuary.
    Embrose – Doubtlessly the most passionate and hot-headed Lokomo in Hyrule,
    Embrose bears a thin moustache, mountainous red hair, and a set of drums
    recalling the Goron Bongos of Majora’s Mask.
    Rael – Befitting his station as Sage of the Sand Sanctuary, Rael’s hair
    resembles a Pharoahic headdress. Hidden deep in the desert, Rael may be the
    most mysterious Lokomo of all; his desire for solitude and self-sufficiency
    goes so far that he will later ask Link to bring him some Cuccos, that he may
    start a farm or something. His oboe opens the way to the pyramidal Sand Temple.
    All six Lokomos make one final appearance midway through the final battle with
    Malladus, joining in Link and Zelda’s would-be duet to lend a hand in revealing
    the demon king’s weak spot. In the ending, they transform into pure light and
    depart with Anjean and Byrne, their energy exhausted and their purpose served.
    M a d a m e  A r o m a
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Kafei’s mother and Mayor Dotour’s wife, Clock Town’s First Lady takes a large
    role in Termina’s day-to-day administration. She is almost only ever seen in
    the day, in a side room at the Mayor’s Residence in East Clock Town, seeing to
    appointments that are apparently backed up quite far. The situation is only
    compounded by the upcoming Carnival of Time, which requires an insane amount of
    organization what with all its various acts and activities and makes her
    virtually unreachable; Toto waits for like three days straight before being
    told he can’t get an audience with her, I believe.
    She has no problem having a quick convo with Link, however, whom she asks, as
    one might, if he has seen her missing son. If he has at this point, I seriously
    doubt he recognized him, since he’d never met him before and because the
    man-boy was dressed up as a magical fox. Well, she says sadly, maybe you’ll
    keep an eye out for him, and also interrogate every single person you meet as
    to whether or not they know what’s up. Sure thing. She gives him the Keaton’s
    Mask in order to do this, apparently because Kafei is indistinguishable in most
    Terminians minds from that beast. Well I mean like I said, he WAS wearing a
    Keaton’s Mask of his own when in hiding so - hey wait a second that’s the worst
    disguise ever. But isn’t it kind of cool to see how they handle verbal
    communication with a character who never speaks? Especially in this game, which
    also has Tatl. I also wouldn’t mind reading a Majora’s Mask text dump at some
    point, some people have interesting things to say about his disappearance.
    Later on in your quest to reunite Kafei and Anju, you can find Madame Aroma in
    the Milk Bar waiting for everything to be destroyed. She, uh, gives you an
    Empty Bottle.
    Madame Aroma appears to be a very supportive mother and wife and seems to
    heartily approve of her future daughter-in-law. And man, I never realised until
    I wrote this entry what a subtly strong character she really is, wow. That’s
    one reason I love writing this guide; I learn so much stuff about my favourite
    series that I never knew before, just by thinking about it.
    The woman is fairly plain-looking so even though I try to include at least a
    cursory explanation of most characters’ physical appearance, there’s not much
    to say here even though I sort of feel like I should. She, uh, wears a dress?
    And has purple hair, like Kafei.
    M a d a m e  M e o w M e o w
    Catlike dog-lover
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    Madame MeowMeow is a resident of Mabe Village who keeps two small Chain Chomps
    and one larger one in her backyard. The larger one is called BowWow, and King
    Moblin kidnaps him when he raids Mabe while Link is in the Tail Cave. Link
    rescues BowWow and returns him to Madame MeowMeow, who asks for him to walk him
    – which works out nicely since the only way to enter Bottle Grotto is to have
    BowWow eat the Goponga Flowers blocking its entrance.
    M a d a m u  Y o k u r i i b a
    Creepy middle-aged lady
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    She owns the rental hatake in Aomono Village. For a price, you can use it to
    grow anything you like. She has a plant growing out of her head, claims that
    Masaru is the only one who understands her, and is rather unresponsive to the
    appearance of customers. This changes quite drastically when Tingle Love Pushes
    her, at which point she falls madly in love with him and starts to call him
    'darling,' despite being extremely ugly and 17 years his senior. It's really,
    yeah. This affection turns out to be so strong that, when Tingle goes back in
    time to stop Nimidanshaku from renting the hatake before he can, she rents it
    to Tingle because he needs it even though Nimidanshaku offers her literally a
    billion Rupees on the spot. Later, a journalist comes through town to write a
    story on the Gasoringo adventure they've all recently experienced, and she has
    more creepily kind words to say of Tingle. She even describes him in exquisite
    detail so that he can pen a picture, but then Tingle appears behind him. He
    thus asks a few more questions before snapping a photograph instead; it takes a
    few tries, and Tingle strikes a cool (?) pose for the first two, but falls on
    his face for the third, successful, shot, and is so immortalized in the 34th
    edition of the Emerald City newspaper. One of the questions the journalist asks
    is if Tingle and Madame Yokuriiba are dating. You actually have the option of
    answering yes to this.
    M a d  B a t t e r
    Saotome Ranma
    Race: Batter
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
                 Link’s Awakening
    A clear reference to Alice in Wonderland’s Mad Hatter, the Mad Batter is a
    nominally bat-like entity who hangs out in caves and the bottoms of wells.
    After bashing your way into his home/prison with the Magic Hammer and
    reanimating him with a shot of Magic Powder - which I realise is just a lazy
    catch-all for use when it would be pointlessly complex to create a unique
    gameplay solution, but seriously, that stuff is hardcore - the Mad Batter
    springs to life, condemns you for waking him, and thanks for you waking him.
    The whole thing is sort of like what happens when you wake a djinn up before
    it’s been 1000 years. What, you never read that book? After a little internal
    debate, he decides to unleash a horrific curse on you that effectively doubles
    your Magic Metre (by making all spells cost half as much as they did before, a
    state called 1/2 Magic.) He is nice about it, though, at least having the good
    manners to ask your permission first. Indecision Incarnate then calls for your
    eternal suffering before bidding you good day and taking off to who knows where.
    In Link’s Awakening his grip on reality isn’t much stronger. Once summoned to
    one of three caves in Mysterious Woods, Martha’s Bay, and Tal Tal Heights by
    means of tossing Magic Powder into a flame-maker, he will appear to accost you
    with the ability to carry more of either Arrows, Bombs, or the Powder itself.
    ‘Look at all that junk you have to carry!’
    Hopefully the helpful malcontent will show his face again sometime.
    M a j o r a ’ s  M a s k
    Sealed demon lying in wait
    Race: Demon
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    In ancient Termina, there was a monstrously evil entity known as Majora. Majora
    was so powerful, it threatened to destroy the entire world. The most powerful
    magicians of the time were able to contain it in a horned mask that soon fell
    into legend. Majora’s Mask was enshrined so that it would never again endanger
    the land, but one day a travelling mask salesman found it and added it to his
    collection. He knew its power but thought he could handle it. Unfortunately,
    one day a frustrated Skull Kid stole it and put it on. Majora promptly
    possessed Skull Kid and used him as its puppet. Though still not at full power,
    Majora wrought havoc on the Terminians and, working with the Skull Kid’s ill
    intentions and granting his desire to cause everyone misery, set the moon on a
    collision course with Clock Town that would wipe out the whole land, not to
    mention its spawner, Hyrule.
    Link eventually confronted it and expelled Majora’s Mask from Skull Kid, who
    was proven to be just a puppet. Majora fled to the moon and created five
    mask-wearing children. After Link had played with the Odoruwa Child, the Goht
    Child, the Gyorg Child, and the Twinmold Child, he finally spoke with the
    Majora Child, who was wearing Majora’s Mask. The Majora Child wanted to play,
    too, but instead of hide-and-seek, like the rest of them, he wanted to play
    good guys and bad guys. He gave Link the Fierce Deity’s Mask so he could be the
    Bad Guy. In Kishin Link form, the Hero of Hyrule did battle with the
    three-formed Majora’s Mask and defeated it with little trouble. Link returned
    Majora’s Mask to the Happy Mask Salesman, as he had promised, but the salesman
    mentioned that all power had been drained from the mask and it had become just
    a piece of wood, though one with an exceptional history. What happened to
    That’s how I understand Majora’s backstory, anyway. I had to piece some things
    together without a lot of in-game clarity, but that’s about as accurate as it
    gets, I think.
    M a k a r
    Rebellious runaway
    Race: Korok
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Of all the Great Deku Tree’s Koroks, Makar was always the most adventurous. He
    was constantly running off and getting in trouble, leaving the other Koroks to
    bail him out. Makar was a talented violinist (like his ancestor, Fado) and was
    to be the centrepiece of the most important Korok festival, but, while flying
    over the Forbidden Woods, was attacked by Helmarocs and knocked into the lair
    of Kalle Demos. When Link reached the Forest Haven, he was tasked with rescuing
    Makar. Later on, Makar is found practising for next year’s festival, already
    working on a new song. When Link plays the Wind God’s Aria for him, he awakens
    as the new Sage of Winds and accompanies Link to the Wind Temple. Here, Link
    can use the Command Melody to control Makar for a while, using his ability to
    fly on petal props to hit switches and whatnot. When Link defeats Molgera,
    Makar stays in the Wind Temple’s inner sanctum to pray to the gods, finally
    restoring the Master Sword to full power.
    M a k u  T r e e s
    Obvious tributes
    Race: Maku
    Appearances: Oracle of Seasons
                 Oracle of Ages
    The Maku Trees figure into the Oracle saga pretty heavily. After all, the
    Japanese games are called ‘Nut of the Mysterious Tree,’ and said nut appears in
    the logo. The purpose of this nut is to dispel the barrier blocking access to
    the final boss; it grows larger and larger as Link recovers the Essences of
    either Nature or Time, and falls to the ground when he gathers all eight.
    Both of them open up paths as Link collects Essences, which lead to minor
    rewards like Gasha Seeds. They are also both home to Farore, the Oracle of
    Secrets. The Maku Trees are pretty obvious tributes to the Deku Tree from fan
    favourite Ocarina of Time, in that both are wise, giant trees. All three have
    fallen under a curse, too, and are near death when Link finds them. They’re far
    from carbon copies, however.
    Oracle of Seasons’ male Maku Tree mostly just sleeps, waking only when Link
    pops his snot bubble. At this point he gives him a clue on where the next
    dungeon is located before drifting off again. Ages’ much livelier Maku Tree is
    female and is seen in two forms: Her full-size present day one, and as a mere
    sprout 400 years in the past. Link saves her from marauding Moblins in the
    past, when she makes him promise to come back someday and marry her. Okay, Link
    has been the object of infatuation for fish-girls, ectoplasmic entities and
    enormous old women, but a tree is pretty out there. Ages’ Maku Tree is
    significantly younger and smaller, and even girlish at times.
    M a l l a d u s
    Race: Demon
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    The Link and Zelda of The Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass can’t have been too
    pleased when they reached their new home. First Hyrule is drowned by the gods
    because they couldn’t think of a better way to keep Ganondorf in check – to say
    nothing of the fact that _it didn’t even work_ - but they are then tasked with
    leaving everything behind and going to search for a new one, because the king
    said it would probably be a good idea if they would do that. Then they finally
    reach the new Hyrule, and what do they find? It’s in the grip of a Demon King,
    and they’re going to have to rid the land of his influence. Like, ugh, didn’t
    we just do this?
    Fortunately, this time they have at their disposal Anjean, who helps them with
    her miraculous magic. Together, they seal Malladus beneath the surface of
    Hyrule, binding him with...train tracks, which are built to run across the
    entire country. And their users regulate themselves, meaning that accidents
    must be incredibly frequent. Anyway, Malladus continues on like this for about
    a century (which must be incredibly aggravating, just sitting there doing
    nothing, ever, for decades, but maybe time has a bit of a different meaning
    when you’re immortal), at which point a lesser demon, Cole, and his follower,
    Byrne, manage to cut the ties that bind and release Malladus from his prison.
    Byrne leaps in front of Cole, eager to offer his allegiance in exchange for a
    slice of Malladus’s power, but he is apparently much more choosy than that. In
    spite of his already immense power, Byrne was once Lokomo, so he can screw
    right off. Ouch. Cole and Malladus take off for the Dark Realm aboard the Demon
    Train, with a view to gathering their strength, and the opposing crew scrambles
    to mount a counteroffensive.
    Eventually, they pursue them into the ephemeral otherworld, and after first
    tangling with the Demon Train and then fighting Cole atop it, Link and Zelda
    brace themselves for a battle with the giant bull. Zelda, fortunately, has an
    idea for how to deal with the threat, but the move takes like five minutes to
    charge up. Link’s task, therefore, is to ward off the fireballs that home in on
    her as she prepares her spell. If she’s struck at all, Link will take some
    damage in her stead and she’ll be forced to start over. When the spell does go
    off, Malladus is momentarily addled, and the princess prompts Link to whip out
    his Spirit Flute and play a tune with her. THIS spell summons Anjean and the
    other Lokomo, who in turn highlight Malladus’s only weak spot. Link charges in
    and barrages it with sword strikes, following which Malladus gets angrier and
    eats Cole, granting him even greater power, wicked horns, and a moustache.
    Later on, he does the same thing to Byrne; what a glutton. At any rate, this is
    the fun part. Once again directing the actions of both Link and Zelda in
    concert, the object here is, either by walking Zelda to an advantageous spot or
    distracting Malladus with Link’s sword, to position Zelda behind Malladus so
    that she can shoot him in his vulnerable spine with the Bow of Light. Missed
    shots will cost some time as she readies another magically infused arrow. When
    she gets a hit, Link can once more rush in and go to town on the glowing
    cranial ulcer. Ultimately, Malladus can only take so much of this and is
    reduced to a snivelling wisp before being banished from the world forever.
    Truly another great battle from Spirit Tracks; counting the business with the
    Demon Train and Cole, it more or less combines every major gameplay element
    from the entire rest of the adventure, and has quite possibly the widest
    variety of activities I’ve ever seen in one battle. The killing blow is quite
    satisfying, as well, being a nice big super-stabby light show that has the
    added bonus of requiring player input. Very nice.
    M a l o n  a n d  T a l o n
    Just farmers
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
                 Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Seasons
                 Four Swords Adventures
                 The Minish Cap
    These two characters get listed by name even though they find their origins in
    two others. That’s not really fair, is it? Then again, neither is Nintendo’s
    treatment of Marin and Tarin, though they technically never existed.
    Now here’s an interesting paradox: All the things in Koholint Island are
    references to something else, mostly to the first three Zelda games and the
    Mario series. Yet Marin and Tarin’s ‘real-world’ counterparts weren’t invented
    until the following game in the series. A little backwards. Now that we’ve
    gotten severely off-track, let me further remind you that Marin is actually a
    reference to Zelda. Weird.
    Metaphysical conundrums aside, Marin is the one who finds Link unconscious on
    Toronbo Shores and drags him off to her house in Mabe Village. Her father,
    Tarin, finds Link’s shield and gives it to him as he leaves – Tarin is
    referential to Mario, given the red shirt and blue overalls, moustache, and
    love of mushrooms. Marin is musically inclined and makes friends easily, even
    having some among monsters. Neither Marin nor Tarin is static – both are
    constantly travelling around the island, and both of them help Link out several
    times. Notably, there is a period where Link finds Marin in Animal Village and
    she follows him around for a while, ending in a beachfront ‘date’ of sorts.
    Here, Marin tells Link that despite how much she loves Koholint, she would love
    to see life beyond it – she dreams of becoming a seagull and flying away
    forever. When you beat the game, the ‘The End’ screen shows a seagull flapping
    around, implying that she may really have gotten her wish – or if you beat it
    with zero deaths, you’ll see Marin with wings. Hmm.
    They reappear right away, as owners and operators of Lon Lon Ranch, where they
    raise Lon Lons, Cuccos, and horses. Child Link learns Epona’s Song from her,
    which he uses to good effect later on. Talon is quite lazy and does almost no
    work, leading an increasingly disgruntled Ingo to eventually take over the
    ranch with Ganondorf’s help. He forces Malon to work there against her will,
    threatening to mistreat the horses if she doesn’t. When Link wins Epona from
    Ingo, Talon is inspired to take back the ranch, but it’s not all conflict:
    Talon and Ingo become best friends and drinking buddies. At this point, Malon
    also opens an obstacle course that Link and Epona can try. If you look at Malon
    in first-person view at this time, you’ll notice she’s blushing, leading me to
    believe she has quite a crush on him.
    By the way, Talon and Ingo are allusions to Mario and Luigi from the Mario Bros
    series of games. Both look a little like their counterparts in regards to body
    type, shirt colour and moustache style, and both they and Malon wear gold
    brooches that resemble the face of Bowser, the Mario Bros’ arch-nemesis.
    Since Malon appeared as both a child and an adult in Ocarina, she had two
    polys, both of which were reused for Majora’s Mask. When Skull Kid kidnaps
    Epona at the beginning of the game, she ends up at Romani Ranch. Romani is
    young Malon, while Cremia is the older one. Cremia tends the cows that produce
    Milk for the members-exclusive Milk Bar, owned by Mr Barten – that is,
    Termina’s version of Talon. Romani spends all of the First Day training with
    her bow for that night’s alien invasion, which she knows is coming tonight
    since it comes on the same day every year. With Link’s help, she might fend off
    the aliens; otherwise, they accidentally abduct her along with the cows, then
    spit her out, and she spends the duration of the next two days acting really,
    really strung out. If you repel the intruders, you can offer to protect
    Cremia's Milk shipment on the following night, sitting in the back of her
    waggon and firing arrows at the disguised Gorman Brothers as they try to damage
    the cargo. Complete the task once and you'll win Romani's Mask; do it twice and
    Cremia will give you a huge hug!
    Malon usually seems to be pretty good at what she does, but not so much in
    Oracle of Seasons, where Link gives her a book about tending Cuccos so she can
    learn. In return, she gives him the only thing she can think of, which is a
    beauty product called a Lon Lon Egg. This is part of the trading game, which
    Talon also figures into; late in the game Link finds him in a mountain cave. He
    gives him, surprise, a Mushroom.
    In the Hyrule Field level of Four Swords Adventures, the Links find Malon under
    siege by Hyrule Castle soldiers and desperately trying to get back to her
    house. They escort her through hostile territory to a grateful Talon. Both of
    them also have minor roles in The Minish Cap, but they are so forgettable I can
    hardly remember what they’re there for. A reader tells me Malon sells Lon Lon
    Milk for 10 Rupees, and that you need to give Talon the Spare Key in order to
    enter the Ranch at Hylian size (because, as I recall, Talon managed to lock
    himself out.) Later, they open up a shortcut to Lake Hylia.
    M a m a
    World Kitchen
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    Sit down, take a load off. Mama’s Cafe is the best place in town to grab a
    mocchachino latte espresso, or just take in the latest news from local
    streetears while waxing philosophic. The eponymous Mama, master chef, gardener
    and Economical Shopper, presides over the place with warmth, love and a
    willingness to fuse Kinstones whenever the mood so strikes you.
    M a m a m u  Y a n
    Perfumed proprietor
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
                 Majora’s Mask
    I assume she was also in Ocarina of Time, but if she was she strikes me as a
    one-glance sideswipe Hyrule Castle Town market-dweller that nobody cared about,
    so screw that noise.
    The one we’re talking about runs the Dog Races at the far end of the field
    within Romani Ranch. Ugh, dogs. Plump and passionate, she will let you wager a
    few Rupees on the outcome of the sprint; if the runt you selected comes in
    first, you’ll snag a Heart Piece, with subsequent placings offering Rupee
    rewards. Although it might seem like your success or failure is pure luck, in
    actuality there is a trick, very well-known by now, that sees you wearing the
    Mask of Truth and noting the dog’s reaction when you pick it up. If I recall
    correctly, ‘Ruff’ means it will place well, ‘Rr-ruff’ means it has a chance of
    doing sort of well, and ‘Whimper’ means it will perform poorly.
    By the way, ‘Is that doggy fine?’ is the single most awkward translation in the
    entire series. Going by the English I can only assume the original was ‘sono
    wan-chan de iin desu ka?’ in which case they’d have done better to just plain
    switch it around to ‘Is that the doggy you want?’ Translation fidelity is a
    little less important in a purely text-based format than in, say, a live-action
    drama, where the original dialogue is audible and inaccurate translations are
    liable to irk speakers of the language in question.
    M a m b a  a n d  t h e  Y a m a t a n i  K i n g
    Misguided monarch and his dainty daughter
    Race: Yamatanis
    Appearances: Tingle's Freshly Picked Rosy Rupeeland
    Sovereign of the Yamatani Tribe, a group of primitives living near the summit
    of Mount Desma, the Yamatani King falls under Uncle Rupee's fey sway prior to
    main action. Like Tingle, he's manipulated into throwing away thousands upon
    thousands of Rupees, except it's the opening Mount Desma's volcano instead of
    the fountain atop Tingle Tower, and a sort of hypnosis instead of promises of
    fame and women. To accrue the desired funds, the Yamatani King levies an
    unprecedentedly high tax on his people, causing them to hate and resent him.
    His daughter Mamba, however (apparently his only living relative), sees through
    his strange behaviour and more or less recognizes what's happened.
    She puts her feminine wiles to use on the incredibly suggestible Tingle, who is
    only too glad to risk his life for her (and a sizable fortune), delving into
    the mountain's depths and staring down the dragon that has infested it. With
    the power of his elastic arms and the raw courage in his gut, Tingle bravely
    uses himself as bait, flinging himself up and out of the volcano opening and
    thus luring the monster into the daylight, causing it to promptly turn to dust
    that is swept away by the breezes that tend to run at such high altitudes.
    (Though it involves no combat per se, this is probably the most enjoyable
    dungeon boss battle in the game.) Tingle then skydives back to earth,
    collecting all the Rupees that the Yamatani King had donated as he falls. The
    beast, as it turns out, was the source of the psychic signal that caused him to
    embark on his unholy collectathon in the first place. The spell broken,
    everybody can go back to their former happy lives. Hurrah!
    Mamba gives Tingle her gratitude and nothing else. The Yamatani King, however,
    builds a giant statue in his likeness right in front of their shrine. Examining
    it yields a substantial Rupee reward, and it serves as the area's final
    landmark, which I for one had earlier wasted a lot of time looking for.
    I've read that the Yamatani King's actual name is 'King Desma,' but that sounds
    kind of stupid, so I'm suspicious as to its authenticity. Also, Yamatanis are
    pretty much just tribal Hylians whose men have a penchant for wearing masks, so
    they don't get an entry in the Race Compendium.
    M a n b o
    Ride with Frogmaster Fl...no?
    Race: Frog or something
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    Man, I first played Link’s Awakening when I was a little kid and brand-new to
    video games, so I didn’t get any of the references. I can only appreciate them
    now, looking back on the game and doing research for this guide. I’m referring
    to the fact, of course, that Manbo is the LA incarnation of Wart (or Mamu), the
    big bad guy from Super Mario Bros. 2 of all the random things. He’s sort of
    this big cross-eyed frog monster who wears a fur-lined cape and a crown,
    because he’s the king of Subcon. On Kohlint Island, he’s king of the Signpost
    Maze. He challenges Link to navigate it, which is the easiest thing ever,
    because all it requires him to do is follow the directions on a succession of
    signposts without accidentally reading any of the wrong ones. When he makes it
    through, Manbo teaches him Manbo’s Mambo, probably the most useless song in the
    game, although I guess it comes in handy from time to time: It allows instant
    teleportation to the pond next to Crazy Tracy’s house. After teaching Link the
    song, Manbo and his frog retainers celebrate with an exhilarating dance.
    M a n  o f  S m i l e s
    Prospective Joy Luck Club chairman
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    Here we have an unsettlingly happy man who floats aimlessly in his boat in the
    northeastern quadrant of the sea, apparently sending out postcards to all those
    in need of a little cheer. When Link encounters him, his vessel has been
    overrun by the forces of evil, and he implores Link to rid him of their danger.
    Thus liberated, he introduces himself as the Man of Smiles, probably not his
    real name, and offers Link either a normal prize or a mysterious prize; if he
    chooses the mysterious prize, he’ll just say what the heck and hand over both.
    One item is a simple Treasure Map, but one is the Hero’s New Clothes, which
    kicks off the Trading Game. Every time Link re-enters the boat, the Man of
    Smiles is once again up to his suspenders in monsters, and he can clear the
    place out over and over again in order to earn Prize Postcards. In spite of the
    suspicious nature of his whole deal, it seems that all the Man of Smiles really
    wants is to bring happiness to people everywhere.
    M a p  K i d
    Generic made-up names ftw
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
                 Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    This little urchin has the gall to beat you to every single area you visit,
    find its map, and sell it to you. Or maybe he's doing you a service; you might
    not have found it on your own, and completing it does yield a high return on
    your investment. He squeezes into a variety of amusing get-ups, too. Still
    though. Could have saved myself a few thousand Rupees, easily, if I'd gotten
    there first. Little punk.
    He reappears in the sequel to serve much the same purpose, except this time you
    don't get any money back, and the areas are so small that having a map is only
    occasionally helpful. His hiding spots are much more clever this time, though,
    and on at least one occasion he appears to be naked, so perhaps that makes up
    for it.
    M a p l e  a n d  S y r u p
    Always two there are: A master, and an apprentice
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
                 Oracle of Seasons
                 Oracle of Ages
                 Four Swords Adventures
                 The Minish Cap
    Syrup is a wizened old hag who knows her magical art well and wastes most of it
    making Potions. Maple is her teenage granddaughter who is supposedly learning
    that art. Both wear the trappings of their trade (a pointy hat and blue robes),
    but only Syrup ever does any work. Maple would much rather spend her free time
    on something interesting; specifically, in the Oracle saga she zooms around the
    countryside on her broom, colliding with innocent bystanders. Each of the pair
    helps Link gain items, however, be it a life-restoring Potion or rarities like
    Rings. After their first few races, Maple gains a vacuum to help her gather
    more loot faster. In a linked game, she upgrades to a flying saucer. (...)
    Maple makes a resurgence in Four Swords Adventures, having once again screwed
    up: She’s accidentally shrunk some poor guy’s house, and needs Link to fetch
    the Spell Book to reverse it (the reward being a Heart Container from its
    occupant.) In The Minish Cap, Syrup’s Wake-Up Mushroom allows Link to get the
    Pegasus Shoes from the sleepy shoemaker.
    cornishpete has this to add: ‘just one little correction about Syrup the witch.
    She also appears in the minnish cap, her home is tucked away in the northern
    end of minnish woods. (you have to go in via the route to the mayors cabin and
    take a slight detou) she plays a similar role as she has before in dealing with
    potions. you can buy either a red potion, or, after the correct kinstone
    fusion, a blue potion. maple, for some reason, is nowhere to be found.’
    M a s a r u
    Monkey Magic
    Race: Monkey
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Disgustingly, Masaru (his name a pun on 'saru,' monkey) has stolen the Aomono
    Village fisherman's false teeth, and is wearing them. We need the fishing rod
    to advance the story and the false teeth to get the fishing rod, and Masaru
    mostly just sits in a tree taunting us. We can lure him down with a banana but
    can't catch him. If Raion speaks with him, he'll boast that he's confident he
    can beat any of them in a fight, just don't bring the guy that makes those
    weird noises. What we need is Edelweiss, the bulldog that lives at the flower
    shop. Sending him into battle will cause Masaru to give up the false teeth and
    flee. It turns out that he's good friends with Madame Yokuriiba, often skipping
    work to go see her. Later, he enters our party in much the same way that
    Edelweiss did, joining Tingle's side while the other three wait back at base.
    It turns out that he belongs to Iona's father, who keeps him as a coconut
    collector. We can gather coconuts for Rupees, but mostly we need Torimushi's
    hat, which Masaru can claim from a tall tree. Following that, he Charons the
    party across the lake inside the village temple, pushing their craft like a
    Venetian boater.
    M a s t e r  E d d o
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    Master Eddo hangs out in his garage on Cannon Island, from where he
    meticulously constructs the finest of hand-made Bomb-firing cannon. He excels
    in creating other ship accessories as well, namely his pet project the Salvage
    Arm, which allows seagoers to drag up treasure boxes from the ocean floor. It
    pays for itself in no time. Master Eddo occasionally engages in the odd
    practice of pricing his merchandise based on how loudly and clearly his
    customer can yell, although his apprentice claims that snapping one’s fingers
    works just as well. I suggest clapping. Now let me shout and wake you up, let
    me wake you up! But I have to wonder how he gets any work done when he needs to
    use a cane and one of his arms is a mountain of bandages. And by the way, how
    the heck did he sustain those injuries??
    M a s t e r  S t a l f o s
    Bag of bones
    Race: Stalfos
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    Master Stalfos is the mini-boss of Catfish’s Maw, really noteworthy only
    because he does for Stalfos what the Helmasaur King did for Helmasaurs.
    Furthermore, there have only been a few genuine sword-versus-sword duels in the
    whole Zelda series, which is surprising, really, but Master Stalfos claims one
    of them. Quite simply, all Link had to do was avoid his potent sword strikes,
    hit him a few times with the sword, which would cause him to temporarily
    crumble into a pile of bones, and then lay a Bomb on him. Link battled him on
    four separate occasions in four separate rooms. After their fourth showdown,
    Master Stalfos blew up for good and spat out the Hookshot.
    M a y o r  B o
    The Strongarm Mayor
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Mayor Bo takes care of many of the day-to-day happenings of Ordon Village,
    overseeing work details, solving minor disputes, and lending his own raw
    physical power wherever it’s needed. We meet the horn-moustachioed mayor almost
    immediately, stopping to chat with him as we go to rendezvous with Fado in the
    fields, but our conversation is interrupted by the charge of an escaped pow,
    who, unless we’re expecting it, knocks us flat on our backs and runs off for
    parts unknown, necessitating a search party named Bo. Not long after, when his
    daughter Ilia is kidnapped and his home besieged by twilight, the devastated
    man maintains enough constitution to organize the town defence. This ended up
    largely consisting of an incapacitated swordsman and a scrawny old guy standing
    on top of a post holding a bow, but he worked with what he had.
    Bo’s past is surprisingly fleshed-out. With the death of his wife some years
    ago, presumably of illness, he has been left to care for his daughter by
    himself, raising her to be a strong and independent young woman. He also has
    some kind of history with the Gorons, having once been a prize sumo wrestler
    with the help of his magnificent muscles and a pair of Iron Boots he somehow
    acquired. In the act of defeating their Big Brother and yokozuna, Bo gained the
    respect of the Gorons and, if Ocarina of Time is any indication, probably
    became an honourary Goron himself. I mean technically he cheated, but who
    cares. He passes the package onto Link when the hero himself is tenaciously
    trying to win Goron enclave-entrance.
    M a y o r  D o t o u r
    The Freezing Mayor
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Given the fact that a huge celestial object will soon crash into his town and
    destroy the entire country in which it sits, one would imagine Mayor Dotour has
    more pressing concerns than wading through bureaucracy. And yet there he is,
    24/3 for as long as you let it go on, sitting in a pointless meeting with the
    Captain of the Guard and the Chief Carpenter, the former of whom advocates
    evacuation, the latter, stalwartness in the face of a little apocalypse. The
    entire discussion is moot, of course, because neither plan is going to work.
    Dotour contributes by mumbling something noncommittal every now and then. Oh,
    and by the way, this entire time, he’s distracted by the fact that his only son
    has mysteriously disappeared just days before his own wedding (and yet he
    somehow knows exactly where he’s hiding out, and hasn’t done anything about it
    whatsoever...yeah.) Ugh, think there might be better ways for old Dotour to be
    spending his time? Well, if you walk into chambers and whip out the Couple’s
    Mask, which has the power to calm arguments, the offending parties will realise
    that their argument completely misses the point, and they will decide that the
    decision of whether or not to flee should be up to everyone to make for him or
    herself. Dotour will give you a Heart Piece in gratitude. And...that’s about
    all he ever does. Oh no wait! He also has an odd moustache. A purple one, no
    Common convention as far as this guide is concerned would usually dictate that
    I put Mayor Dotour and Madame Aroma in the same entry. I didn’t. Mindgames.
    M a y o r  H a g e n
    The Crystal Mayor
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    Even though Daltus himself happens to live right in the very heart of Hyrule
    Castle Town, he has another official entirely to take on civic responsibilities
    while he handles the national ones. Smart guy; knows how to delegate, and
    doesn’t take on too much by himself. This decision does, however, provide some
    evidence against the democratic model, because the guy who makes it into office
    is not only paranoid but somewhat incompetent. Mayor Hagen, whose name always
    makes me think of Hagen-Daazs ice cream, is notable for doing little or nothing
    to address the settlement’s housing crisis while maintaining a residence right
    in the centre of town complete with not only a basement (multi-story homes
    being a rarity in the Zeldaverse) but a series of secret passages as well, for
    use as escape routes in the case of an attack. That’s pretty smart, I guess;
    embassies might do well to imitate him. And his constituents do seem relatively
    satisfied, except for Din, Nayru and Farore, who end up having to look to Link
    for help. The bespectacled vest-wearer has a deep interest in masks, both
    collecting them and even making a few himself. His house is infested with
    Minish, but whose isn’t in that game. He also owns a waterfront cabin at Lake
    Hylia. Remind me where our taxes go again?
    M a y o r  P l e n
    The Silver Mayor
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Oracle of Ages
    Lynna City’s mayor is also an ardent fan of its history, going as far as to
    mention to new visitors that it was once called Lynna Village, even though that
    pretty much goes without saying, and is a completely useless piece of
    information regardless. Like most mayors presented here, he served Link only by
    giving him something, in this case the gift of not getting angry when the hero
    steals his Seed Ring. Supposedly, Mayor Plen looks like Luigi. What, Ingo
    wasn’t enough?
    Know what, I picked the ‘Silver’ title because I wanted to work in a reference
    to Bishoujo Sailor Moon’s Silver Millennium, but it stopped working when I
    remembered that the Silver Millennium is in the future, not the past, and His
    Worship Plen holds court in the present.
    M a y o r  R u u l
    The Sewing-Life Mayor
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Oracle of Seasons
    Horon Village’s mayor is also an ardent fan of Gasha Seeds, going as far as to
    keep a square of soft earth in his home specifically for the purpose of sowing
    them. Like most mayors presented here, he served Link only by giving him
    something, in this case the first Gasha Seed in the game and, ipso facto and by
    proxy, the Gasha Ring. See what I did with these entries? You know, because the
    Oracle titles are sister games. Doesn’t have a thing to do with me being lazy
    and uninspired, definitely not. Hey! Spring of Trivia, at least the blurb under
    Ruul’s name makes sense without brutally stretching the limits of
    believability, which is more than can be said for most of the other mayors here.
    If I recall correctly, Ruul Villa was a place in Link’s Awakening. Supposedly,
    Mayor Ruul looks like Mario. What, Talon wasn’t enough?
    This ends our series on Hylian government.
    M e d l i
    Fine feathered friend
    Race: Rito
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Young Medli is just coming into her own as attendant to Valoo, the deity of the
    Rito. Link encounters her early in the game; she is the key to the first
    dungeon, in fact. At the beginning of the game, her wings aren’t entirely
    developed yet, so she needs Link to throw her up to a high ledge. (It took me
    almost ten minutes to do this.) She becomes a much more accomplished flier
    later on, able to flap around on her own for surprisingly long periods of time,
    and even carry Link for short distances. When Link learns the Earth God’s Lyric
    from Laruto and plays it for Medli, she awakens as the Sage of Earth. She and
    Link work together to conquer the Earth Temple. After Link defeats Jalhalla,
    Medli stays in the inner sanctum to pray to the gods, the act of which restores
    the Master Sword to half-strength. Medli is a motherly figure to Komali,
    comforting him now that his actual mother is gone. Despite her role as a mother
    figure, he is in love with her, though it seems he never has the courage to say
    it. Medli, in turn, appears to have a crush on Link, but never says it.
    M e l a r i
    Whistle while you work
    Race: Minish
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    Melari and his seven apprentices collectively form the Mountain Minish.
    Smithing is their entire lives; they are wholly devoted to their trade. Link
    and Ezlo visit Melari’s Mines, which is basically a depression in the ground
    near the top of Mt Crenel, shortly before entering the Cave of Flames. They
    make their home there in order to be closer, both physically and spiritually,
    to the ore they mine and shape. Just prior to scaling Mt Crenel, the duo
    recovered the mythical Picori Blade. Melari and two of his apprentices work
    hard and re-forge the shattered blade into one piece. Unfortunately, though
    Melari can repair the steel he is unable to fix its magical deficiencies, so
    Link must look elsewhere. Melari and his apprentices constantly sing the ‘Ting
    Tong Song’ as they work.
    M e r c o
    Hired gun (Hg)
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    A handful of the Mogma do nothing but occasionally provide a little dialogue to
    add flavour to your surroundings, and Merco is one of them. His swash of blonde
    hair, dark circles around his eyes, and throat-clenching smile make him appear
    quite hapless.
    M e r m a n
    ANOTHER talking fish
    Race: Fish
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    I don’t believe this little guy’s name is ever actually given, but one source
    calls him Merman, so that’s good enough for our profiling purposes. If you have
    no idea what I’m talking about, Merman is the bluish little talking fish who
    sort of resembles a flat-faced Aboriginal drawing of a salmon. Link and King of
    Red Lions first encounter him at Dragon Roost Island. From here on out, anytime
    Link gets his attention with some All-Purpose Bait he will fill in another
    square of Link’s Sea Chart and give him a little information about the
    appropriate island.
    There are a few interesting things of note about Merman. Most obviously, when
    King of Red Lions first speaks with him he claims that he has ‘paid off his
    debt.’ That tells us the two knew each other, and that Merman knows the truth
    about Hyrule and whatnot. Whatever Daphnes did for Merman, it must have been
    pretty small if he considers drawing in one square on some stranger’s Sea Chart
    having paid it off – or else Merman is cheap that way. He also says that he
    ‘can’t go fighting evil on an empty stomach,’ implying that he is active in his
    opposition of Ganondorf. Quite what influence he might exert is beyond me.
    Finally, his comment at Rock Spire Island implies a past relationship with
    Gillian, the barmaid at Windfall Island’s tavern – moreover, Gillian’s figurine
    states that she used to have a boyfriend, but that info is TOP SECRET!! So
    either Merman used to be a human, or Gillian is into fish. You be the judge, I
    M i a
    Race: Dragon
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Though adorable and affectionate during the day, Gaepora's terrifying pet and
    all of her ilk become crazed at night, attacking you for no reason at all as
    you pass by. A few quick sword strikes will put them in their place, and you
    can bet I took every opportunity to do so, sometimes yelling angrily as I did
    so because they jumped on me out of nowhere. It got so bad that I started doing
    it in the daytime too, just to make sure. I mean, these things are so ugly, and
    so dangerous, how have they ever survived as domestic animals? Owlan has the
    unenviable duty of taking care of this one in particular, and even mentions how
    she often scratches the hell out of him come sundown. Early in the game you
    have to rescue her from being stuck on a roof; at this point you don't yet know
    of her true nature, because obviously if you did you'd have ignored Owlan's
    pleas for help and just left her up there.
    M i d n a
    Eponymous awesomeness
    Race: Twili
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Midna is the deposed leader of the Twili and one of the coolest characters to
    come around in a long while. When the game’s title was first announced, many of
    us followed this logic: Hyrule - Twilight Realm - Zelda, Princess of
    Hyrule...Zelda must be the Twilight Princess! (It’s the first game since the
    original that’s actually referenced Zelda herself!) Others looked at the logo
    and inferred that its similarity to Midna’s hat must mean SHE was the Twilight
    Princess. The latter group was correct.
    Since the basic controls and concepts of the game are created before anything
    else, it’s my guess that Midna was a mechanic long before she became a
    character. After all, there are certain things wolf-form Link simply can’t do
    on his own, like open doors or scope out narrow ledges. Plus, we need an ally
    for this game.
    Midna fits all these roles like a glove that’s the right size. She has a little
    stub of cel-shaded hair protruding from under her helmet, which she can form
    into a giant hand that manipulates objects and tracks targets. Midna is also
    this game’s Navi, though she doesn’t offer help with enemies; instead, she
    mostly instructs Link on where to go next, although she does reprise Navi’s
    function of helping the player with puzzles that would take them time to figure
    out on their own.
    And of course, she plays a vital part in the story. Much as the natural races
    of Hyrule have their own individuals destined to affect its historical
    landscape, so too do the Twili have a single rightful ruler. The Twili lost
    their previous king due to his own greed. As it turns out, Midna is the one
    destined to take over the reigns and continue with her people on their road to
    prosperity, but she kind of fails to pick up the slack. Zant declares himself
    the Twili’s new ruler and tries to gain her endorsement. Failing at that, he
    transfigures her and kicks her out.
    In her natural form, Midna is a grey-skinned, long-haired, beautiful woman.
    When Zant transforms her, she becomes a grey-skinned, long-haired, ‘decrepit
    little imp,’ to use her words.
    Crippled but hardly out of commission, Midna goes into hiding and searches for
    a way to reclaim her throne. She finds it when Link is hauled into the Twilight
    Realm and is transformed into a wolf by its power. The light world may know him
    as the Hero of Hyrule, but the Twilight Realm has a similar legend, one which
    states a sacred beast will rescue their world from the brink of destruction.
    She follows the shadow beast who captures Link and then springs him from his
    cell. After they have a brief meeting with Zelda, Midna is able to convince
    Link that he needs her help to save his world.
    They forge an alliance and set to work. Midna’s primary goal is to seek out the
    ancient Fused Shadows. She wields the most powerful magics of her people, but
    these relics will increase her power exponentially. This conveniently allows
    the pair to work towards their individual goals simultaneously, because
    recovering the Fused Shadows requires restoring light to the three provinces of
    Hyrule that have so far fallen under Twilight.
    When they finally gather all three, their victorious partying proves premature.
    Zant immediately swoops in on them and tosses them aside, wondering how they
    could possibly have hoped to defeat him with such pitiful, withered magic. He
    returns twilight to Lanayru province and taunts the duo for a while, then
    dispels it, exposing Midna’s physical body to direct light. Before, she had
    only taken immaterial shape in the light world by commandeering Link’s shadow
    for brief periods, but now she was actually being struck by sunbeams. Her
    condition deteriorates quickly and Link, stuck as a wolf, struggles to restore
    He finds Zelda who, despite Midna’s protests, seemingly sacrifices her own life
    to save Midna’s by transferring her life force to her. And because Zelda is
    from the light world, this allows Midna to now take form in the light unharmed.
    With newfound control over his wolf form and a new goal, Link tracks down the
    four shards of the Mirror of Twilight under Midna’s instruction.
    Midna explains that the Mirror of Twilight is the single link the Goddesses
    left between the light world and their realm of exile, the Twilight.
    Furthermore, only the rightful ruler of the Twili can destroy it; since Zant
    was only able to break it into pieces, he is indisputably NOT the true king.
    Anyway, they use this portal to disappear into the nether, where they storm the
    Palace of Twilight. Paradoxically, Link is able to use the palace’s own power
    to infuse the Master Sword with pure light, which easily vanquishes Twilight
    denizens. After a skirmish with Zant, Midna reclaims the Fused Shadows and
    kills him, though he is quickly reborn thanks to Ganondorf’s powers.
    So, I guess it’s time to go after Ganondorf then. After the Twilight dropped
    from Lanayru Province, a huge magical pyramid was erected around Hyrule Castle.
    With her new powers, Midna transforms into a giant spider-thing and shatters
    it. They climb to the top and square off with Ganondorf, who possesses Zelda’s
    body. After Link forces him out of it, Zelda’s soul exits Midna and returns to
    its rightful body. Following this, Midna helps Link figure out how to beat
    Ganon transformed, and then teleports the two Hylians out of the Castle as it
    crumbles. She then attempts to kill Ganondorf once and for all, but is
    overcome. Even against the incredible Fused Shadows, Ganondorf comes out on top.
    But after Link finishes him off, he finds Midna still alive, and returned to
    the body she was born in. Their quest was long and they’ve grown close, but
    it’s time for her to return to the Twilight Realm to guide her people. They say
    they’ll see each other again, but Midna is crying...and at the last minute,
    Midna takes one of her own shed tears and propels it at the Mirror, shattering
    it instantly and wiping it off the face of the earth. Light and darkness will
    never meet again. This move caught me totally off-guard and so I found it
    rather striking and emotionally charged. We’ll miss you, Midna.
    Midna’s voice is pretty damn awesome. She has TONS AND TONS of dialogue. It’s
    sort of random in that she says different things when the same text appears,
    and of course there is no rhyme or rhythm to it – it’s just a bunch of funny
    sounds her VA, Kawamoto Akiko, probably made up on the spot, or else it was run
    through a synthesizer. It’s still quite awesome though, and manages to convey a
    definite sense of foreignness.
    Another one of the coolest things about Midna is her drive. Not only is she
    sassy as she single-mindedly strives to strike down Zant, but she is one of the
    only egotistical, self-serving characters to receive a prominent role. She’s
    quite honest about it too: She explains on numerous occasions that she doesn’t
    care about the light world and is only looking after the interests of her own.
    Yet still there is some character development, as she slowly grows fond of the
    Hyruleans and comes to realise that the darkness and the light unknowingly
    depend on each other. Also, in the beginning she has a decidedly negative
    opinion of Zelda ruling a nation, but in time she grows to understand that
    Zelda is really doing the best she can, and is deserving of her respect.
    Whoever came up with Midna certainly has mine.
    M i d o
    Boss of the Kokiri
    Race: Kokiri
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
    Mido would have us believe that he is much more important than he actually is.
    Mido calls himself the Boss of the Kokiri, and he really is one of the most
    competent, but nobody really recognizes him by that title. Link spent much of
    his early years being bullied by Mido, mostly because the latter was jealous of
    his friendship with Saria, whom Mido apparently has a crush on. Mido is one of
    the largest Kokiri and has no scruples about throwing his weight around;
    despite orders from the Great Deku Tree himself, Mido won’t even let Link meet
    with the deity at first. Later, when Link returns to Kokiri Forest in adult
    form, Mido doesn’t even recognize him until he plays Saria’s Song. In the
    ending credits, when the Kokiri leave the forest, Mido is the first who dares
    to venture beyond that boundary into the unknown. Pretty courageous,
    considering it's always been assumed that this would result in instant death
    for the undertaker.
    M i k a u
    Avid partier
    Race: Zora
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    In addition to being one of the Zora’s most proficient warriors, Mikau is a
    rocking guitar player and plays lead gat on the Indigo-Gos. Apparently, he is
    romantically and physically involved with Lulu. Despite being a skilled
    swimmer, even for a Zora, Mikau was never able to beat the Beaver Brothers at
    their game, though Link later beat them in Mikau’s form. Lean and athletic,
    Mikau sports numerous tattoos on his body, perhaps uniquely among the Zora.
    Mikau stupidly tries to swim in the murky waters of Zora Cape, and ends up
    dying because of it. A flock of seagulls (I walk along the avenue) flaps over
    him, and since seagulls are seen as fundamental in The Wind Waker, they’re
    probably seeing him off to the afterlife, or maybe trying to convince him to
    cling to life. Either way, they point Link to him, and he pushes Mikau ashore.
    Mikau then explains the plight of the Zora with a rousing and humorous guitar
    solo. Link plays the Song of Healing and gets the Zora’s Mask from him. After
    that, Mikau’s grave can be seen on the beach – his guitar is sticking out of
    the sand, marking the spot where he drew his last breath.
    Of the five forms Link can assume in Majora’s Mask, Mikau’s is by far the most
    fun – Kijin Link can bite me. As Mikau, I spent a great deal of time rocketing
    around watery areas at what seemed like super-speed. Swimming as a Zora is
    simply awesome. Mikau can also stand and walk along the bottom of a watery
    area, like a built-in combination Iron Boots and Zora Tunic. Twilight
    Princess’s Zora Armour uses a similar swimming concept, but it’s just not the
    same. In battle, Mikau can slash with the fins on his forearms or throw them
    like boomerangs. Lastly, his most potent attack is a bioelectric vortex that
    kills any waterlogged enemy it comes into contact with. Very cool.
    I leave you with this thought: Do you have any idea how cool it would be to
    combine Mikau’s form with The Wind Waker’s world?
    M i l a  a n d  M a g g i e
    The rich get poorer
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Mila and Maggie are two of the three girls that the Helmaroc King kidnaps in
    its search for Princess Zelda. Apparently, giant birds make horrible
    detectives, because none of the candidates he brings home remotely resembles
    Zelda. Mila is probably the one nearer the mark, being blonde-haired and
    regally clothed. Maggie, by contrast, has hair of deep red and is literally
    dresses in rags – not even close.
    Link first encounters them when he climbs the Forsaken Fortress, but before he
    can free them and Aryll he is captured by the Helmaroc King and thrown into the
    sea. King of Red Lions rescues him and takes him to Windfall Island, where he
    meets the girls’ fathers. Maggie’s father fretted constantly about her and
    harassed Link about saving her every time he stepped within two thousand metres
    of him. Mila’s father, by contrast, worries mostly about his vase collection.
    Here’s the difference between them, though. Mila’s father promises Tetra’s
    pirates all his wealth, every last bit of it, if they can rescue Mila. They
    follow up, and the two families switch roles. (Maggie’s dad sells the Skull
    Necklaces she got from the Fortress, which go for big bucks.) Maggie and her
    dad dress elaborately, while Mila and her father are now the ones in rags.
    Mila’s dad has no regrets, because his little girl is back. But Maggie’s dad
    doesn’t even care about her anymore, only wealth and all the trappings thereof.
    Power tends to corrupt, and money corrupts absolutely.
    During her detainment, Maggie started up a relationship with one of the Moblins
    in the Forsaken Fortress. His name was Moe, but he didn’t share her feelings;
    he wanted to eat her, which she took as a metaphor for their love. She also
    becomes quite introspective, even writing poetry. Mila, on the other hand, had
    to work to support the family, so she became Zunari’s assistant. Tragically,
    desperation also turned her to a life of crime – she started picking the lock
    on Zunari’s safe and looting the contents every night. Link set her away from
    this path and instead she found a second job, on another island. Geez – the
    poor girl is basically pulling 24-hour shifts seven days a week.
    M i n i s t e r  P o t h o
    Neurotic bureaucrat
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    Because running an entire country is a tricky task, King Daltus has a number of
    people who assist him with the job. Chief among them is the diminutive
    old-timer Minister Potho, whose title suggests that Hyrule may have somehow
    transitioned to a constitutional monarchy while keeping the power of the
    monarchy intact, which has never happened in real life. In addition to taking
    on slightly lower-level administrative duties, Minister Potho is Zelda’s
    personal teacher - likely part of grooming her for her coming role as the next
    sovereign - and HATES it when she skips, hence his distress when Vaati appears
    on the scene and turns her to stone. After coming to his senses (not that there
    was much there to begin with), he offers Link the Smith’s Sword so that he can
    embark on his softening journey without being killed two seconds in. He appears
    in the endgame rocky as a Goron like everybody else; no, rockier, because
    Gorons are at least still organic and capable of movement. Anyway, this only
    lasts a short while as Link duly destroys Vaati and saves the land, and
    Minister Potho joins the thank you retinue.
    M i s s  M a r i e
    Hot for Teacher
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Miss Marie is an ample, purple-haired, loudly dressed schoolteacher on Windfall
    Island, which basically means she teaches the Killer Bees and not much else.
    When we first encounter her they’re a band of truants and problem students who
    have been giving her a ton of trouble, but after Link bests them in a game of
    hide-and-seek (much as he did the Bombers) and becomes their living idol they
    soften and start to warm up to her. By day she can be found in the classroom,
    but by night she runs out to the bar or the auction house. Guess she likes to
    let loose after a long day moulding young minds. Miss Marie is the founder of
    the Joy Luck Club, which basically means she craves Joy Pendants (the
    butterfly-shaped Spoils carried by Bokoblins) and wants to be delivered as many
    as humanly possible. Because of this, the Killer Bees think that they can get
    in her good books if they bring her a Joy Pendant, and invest all kinds of time
    and energy into finding one, but the only one they can ever locate is at the
    top of a tree and far beyond their reach, though Link snags it after they
    dejectedly leave.
    When Link reaches certain milestones of having given stuff to her, Miss Marie
    rewards him with trinkets, the most exciting of which is the deed to her
    seaside cabana and the Private Oasis on which it sits. This place treats its
    occupants to comfortable decor and the relaxation of having every need taken
    care of by their personal butler, allowing them to luxuriate in the atmosphere
    of their secluded hideaway. This butler not only stands guard at the door,
    refusing entry to anyone but the owner, but also capably performs the tasks of
    both caretaker and entertainer. One of the features to which he will direct his
    master’s attention is the sliding puzzles on either side of the room, which
    depict various characters from across the Great Sea; this is like that Orca
    whale puzzle you can get at the Vancouver Aquarium, except less frustrating.
    Anyway, more important than any of this, if you dive beneath the floorboards
    you’ll find a small series of ReDead-infested caves, which might lead you to
    question just what exactly is going on with Miss Marie, and if you wander
    around for a little while you’ll find a Triforce Chart. Yeah, that’s really
    If you keep on showering her with Joy Pendants, you’ll be rewarded with the
    Hero’s Charm and then just Rupees. The Hero’s Charm is a little item accessed
    from the sub-screen that can be turned on or off at will; when turned on, it
    displays the remaining health of enemies as a bar floating above their heads.
    It’s a pretty cool item but unnecessary and in the end I just found it
    distracting, so I turned it off, myself.
    M o n p e
    Field worker
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    As with basically everybody who ever casts eyes on Tingle, Monpe is seemingly
    scarred for life when she first meets him. The other girls working the field
    hide and she cowers, refusing to even speak with him. Luckily, a little Love
    Push later, she loosens up. It doesn't really benefit you in any way, except
    that you have to in order to fill every heart, and maybe to get certain people
    in Aomono Village to talk to and trust you. Her thick dialect makes her sound
    like a seriously smalltown country girl.
    M o o n l i g h t  M e r c h a n t
    Race: Gossip Stone
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Due to the rarity of certain Treasures, you could easily spend hours running
    around searching for the exact stuff you need for whatever refurb you want to
    perform on your equipment. Thankfully, late in the game the Moonlight Merchant
    becomes available to solve all your troubles. A Gossip Stone located in the
    small cave near the Skyloft pool, he'll sell you any of the game's six or so
    hard-to-find spoils. They're appropriately expensive, but maybe worth it.
    However, Clean Cut is a much cheaper alternative.
    M r  A k i n d o
    Pirate's Life of a Salesman
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Though he has no official name in the English translation, most fans seem to
    refer to him as Mr Akindo, so let's run with it. A travelling salesman who
    rides around with the Pirate on their sometimes airborne pirate ship, Mr Akindo
    seems to be an Indian stereotype, what with the clothing and the turban. In
    other appearance-related trivia, his head is the size of the entire rest of his
    body, his eyes are tiny, his mouth is just a giant hole and he possesses a fine
    moustache. You can summon him at any time by heading to an appropriate dock and
    playing the Pirate Flute, at which point you can sell him the end products of
    Recipes you have found. In return, he'll provide prizes such as Bottles and -
    when you've completed the entire collection - the Merchant Fan, a Rupee Good.
    It may be that the Pirates allow him to do business from their craft in
    exchange for putting his charisma and barter abilities to use when they put in
    for supplies, or some such arrangement like that. Or maybe they just like the
    company; they certainly take kindly enough to Tingle.
    M r.  W r i t e
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    Mr. Write is one of Koholint Island’s more insane inhabitants, in that he has
    only a loose grasp on reality. He lives alone in the woods between Mabe Village
    and Goponga Swamp, and spends every spare second sitting at his desk penning
    letters. He thinks he’s writing to Princess Peach, but he’s actually
    communicating with a goat-woman in the next town over. I seem to recall
    something about him getting disillusioned and throwing a tantrum for a while,
    then getting over it and coming to realise that his friendship with Miss Goat
    still stands regardless of what he’d originally thought it was. Might have been
    my imagination though. I swear I can’t shut that thing up.
    As I mention elsewhere in this guide, Link’s Awakening manages to shove in
    about 27 obscure references per microsecond of gameplay, but Mr. Write takes
    the cake. Not only is he wrapped in the delusion that he’s pen-pals with a
    beautiful foreign dignitary FROM ANOTHER NINTENDO SERIES, but the man himself
    is based on master of ceremonies Will Wright as he appears in the SimCity
    games: The two share homophonous names, hairstyles, and scholarly attention to
    detail in their work (literature and city planning, respectively.)
    Now, obviously we can excuse Mr. Write for some of his weirdness because he’s
    not even real, given that he’s part of the Koholint Island dream. I’m gonna go
    ahead and say that he comes from the Wind Fish rather than Link, because he
    sure doesn’t resemble anyone you’ll EVER see in Hyrule, man.
    ...having said that, his sprite ended up getting reused in Oracle of Seasons. I
    refuse to add the game to the 'Appearances' part because I want to emphasize
    how off the whole business is, but for anyone just itching to know, all he does
    is give you a book on raising Cuccos in exchange for lighting his reading lamp
    so that he can get some work done; this kicks off Seasons’s Trading Game, which
    ends in you acquiring the Biggoron’s Sword.
    N a b o o r u
    Scantily clad desert woman
    Race: Gerudo
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
    Although Ganondorf is the first Gerudo male born in a hundred years and
    therefore has a birthright to the sovereignty of the Gerudo race, Nabooru does
    not recognize him as King. She sees past the façade he puts on for others and
    knows that he is actually evil, and she covertly opposes him at every turn.
    When Link enters the Spirit Temple as a child, he finds her looking for the
    Silver Gauntlets in her latest endeavour against the King of Evil. But as Link
    noticed when he visited as an adult, only a child can fit through the small
    space that leads to them, so she promises him a reward if he can find them.
    When he does, however, Nabooru is captured by Koume and Kotake. That about puts
    an end to the resistance movement for the time being.
    She doesn’t reappear until the end of the adult portion of the Spirit Temple,
    which culminates in a confrontation between Link and the twins. The two have
    imprisoned Nabooru in a suit of Iron Knuckle armour and force her to battle
    Link. She is released from the brainwashing spell when Link wins. After Link
    beats Twinrova, Koume and Kotake’s combined form, Nabooru awakens as the Sage
    of Spirit and adds her power to Link’s.
    N a c k l e
    Bait & (Ni)
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    One of the only Mogma with facial hair, and also he has a mohawk, Nackle
    teaches Link about junk he might dig up if he claws at the ground with his new
    Digging Mitts.
    N a k e d  S a l o n a
    Race: Salona
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingles Rosy Rupeeland
    In Gooey Swamp, you'll find a Salona whose clothes have somehow gone astray.
    He'd like it very much if you would find them for him, and has taken to wearing
    a barrel in the meantime (making his early fanslated name something of a
    misnomer). When you do recover his cloak, you'll find it tattered and
    unwearable, but Chiko's Mum is willing to mend it for a fee. Once you deliver
    the repaired article of clothing to him, the Naked Salona will, like everyone
    in this game, show his gratitude through Rupees.
    N a v i
    Pixellated pixie
    Race: Fairy
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
    Navi is not so much a character as she is a brilliantly executed mechanic, but
    she has just enough spunk for me to include her here. Link was the only Kokiri
    without a guardian fairy – until the opening movie, when the Great Deku Tree
    finally sends Navi to be his. It’s implied there’s something special about
    Navi, that she is held in high regard among fairies, or something. Not only
    does she have a subtle but definite personality, she’s also really smart,
    helping Link out with all manner of contraptions he finds in dungeons and
    occasionally speaking with other characters. She also points out significant
    interactive objects by flying to them and glowing green, and Z-targeting would
    be impossible without her (as demonstrated in the final battle with Ganondorf.)
    At the end of the game, Navi flies away through the stained-glass window of the
    Temple of Time. We have still never learned why – it’s quite possible that with
    evil gone from the land for the time being, she was no longer needed. It’s a
    little sad that she left without saying goodbye, but think what would have
    happened if she hadn’t. Link would never have ventured into the Lost Woods to
    look for her. Skull Kid would never have run off with Epona. Link wouldn’t have
    followed him through the portal into Termina, and there would have been no one
    to stop the moon from falling. Hyrule would have been wiped out, and by
    extension, probably a lot more as well. So really, abandoning Link after all
    they’d been through was the best decision she could have made.
    N e t a b a r e
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Tingle and Kakashi first encounter Netabare drowning in the creek on Page 3.
    Using Kakashi's wara, they are able to rescue him, and from then on he will
    start appearing whenever a certain amount of time has passed without the player
    making progress. Astride Seebuta, he provides very specific and clear hints on
    what to do next, thus averting a lot of the potential frustration inherent in
    the genre; for a non-native speaker of Japanese, for whom much of the subtle
    indicators offered through dialogue and such may be incomprehensible, this is
    pretty much a game-saver. The service comes at the cost of him mocking you
    afterwards, and he only comments on the main storyline (Secrets and the like
    are up to you to figure out), but that's ok. The final Secret requires you to
    visit him on Page 13 and answer a series of questions on topics spanning the
    entire game, which all require idiotically specific answers. They're not even
    multiple-choice, instead being input through a character board. The last
    question is kind of funny, as he asks which of the two dancing squirrel-girls
    flanking him is his type; the answer is 'both.' He then bids you to return to
    the present to complete your quest, suggesting that he is capable of either
    travelling in time or sensing someone who has. He is a gangly, severely
    underweight old man who wears only a loincloth.
    N i g h t m a r e s
    In your dreams
    Race: Nightmares
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    The Nightmares were eight entities who plagued the Wind Fish’s sleep, causing
    all kinds of destruction on Koholint Island. They also each guarded one of the
    Instruments of the Sirens, which Link had to collect to wake the Wind Fish,
    meaning each one was the boss of a dungeon. A few of them were based on bosses
    from previous games. They are, in order:
    Slime Eyes
    Angler Fish
    Slime Eel
    Evil Eagle
    Hot Head
    When Link collected all the instruments by defeating the Nightmares, he entered
    the egg atop Mt Tamaranch and did battle with their leader, Dethl. Dethl had a
    similarly referential nature in his forms:
    Giant Gel
    Agahnim’s Shadow
    Ganon’s Shadow
    After Dethl fell, the game was over. Why do the Nightmares get a profile when
    all it really amounts to is a list? Well, they’re an essential part of the plot.
    N i m i m a m u  N i m i s u t o p p u
    Travelling troublemaker
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Though he first appears in Aomono Village, it's impossible to say where he
    originally comes from. Nimidanshaku, as he likes to be known, is short of
    stature, with blonde hair, an incredibly square head, and a jacket that might
    be either a happi or a school blazer. He approaches Tingle immediately after
    the latter fills Iona's first heart, claiming that he's going to take her to
    the dance party in Emerald City. He then buys out the rental field to grow some
    roses with which to woo her, offering Madame Yokuriiba 1,000,000,000 Rupees for
    the pleasure, making him either extremely rich or an inveterate liar. He's also
    unwittingly foiled Tingle and Iona's plan to grow a Gasoringo in the field, but
    Tingle now has the necessary items. Using his new power of travelling back in
    time, Tingle takes them a few steps back into the past, beating Nimidanshaku by
    seconds and renting the field before he can.
    He pops up again on Page 11, but doesn't do much beyond taunting us about the
    dance party and how he's going to steal our popularity out from under us. In
    the aftermath of Page 12, Tingle can bring him the Arumagedonburi from the
    purple otentou, which he'll grudgingly deign to try, only to immediately start
    raving about its extreme deliciousness and demanding to meet the chef. Tingle
    brings the two together and Nimidanshaku somehow convinces the otentou to enter
    his employ. I don't know about you, but I'm kind of curious about how that
    turned out.
    His last and best moment comes when Tingle finally reaches the dance party, now
    alone. The king makes his toast, the dancing starts, and Nimidanshaku tries to
    steal each one of Tingle's ladies in turn. Tingle must locate the couple in the
    crowd and interrupt, at which point Nimidanshaku will hurl abuse before
    challenging him to a dance battle. First, Nimidanshaku will bust out a quick
    sequence, his moves corresponding to the cardinal directions. In a bit of
    hilarious awesomeness, as he watches, Tingle makes a cocky hip-hop style pose,
    head thrust out, arms bent, palms upward. He must then replicate Nimidanshaku's
    routine, and if he's successful, his opponent will concede defeat, only to warn
    that the real test lies in how the girl feels about Tingle. Depending on how
    many of her hearts he's managed to fill, her reaction will either be cold,
    lukewarm, reasonably good, or ecstatic, which results in a 'Rabu-Rabu Dansu.'
    Then the partners change and Tingle must repeat the challenge, until he's done
    all four (in order, Iona, Azusa, Raia, and Florence, since Emera is only
    watching and he's trying to get her attention by showing her how much ladies
    love cool Tingle.) Though easy, this is one of the most fun parts of the game,
    and if Tingle is able to match the final, six-step long, sequence, Nimidanshaku
    will vanish forever and he will win their exciting showdown.
    N y a v e  a n d  N y e v e
    Identity thieves
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    These bearded brothers sail the high seas in hopes of accruing fame and status,
    each day honing their sword arts and readying themselves for that eventual day
    of reckoning when they sally forth to do battle with all those of fell
    intention who would threaten the foundations of our daily lives and the stuff
    of our very future. Nyave happens to suck at this way more than does Nyeve, as
    his primary approach to fighting evil is to cower in his boat and play dead if
    anything dangerous gets too close. He doesn’t quite dress the part, either,
    garbing himself in a yellow helmet and front-and-back plate. He does, however,
    serve at least one useful function: In exchange for his precious Guard Notebook
    that he lost, he’ll give up his Wood Heart, which is part of the Trading Game.
    Once he has it back, he fesses up that he never actually wanted to be a hero in
    the first place; his dream was to become a cook, like one of his other
    brothers. Thus unburdened, he sets out towards a new goal.
    Nyeve, on the other hand, is not to be dissuaded, a possible reference to the
    word ‘naiive.’ Naiive in that he believes himself to be a hero, and uh,
    actually he kind of fits it, in an imitative sort of way that flies off-centre
    and avoids most of what actually made Link a hero in The Wind Waker. Nyeve, you
    see, clothes himself in a green tunic and floppy pointed hat, wields a
    legendary weapon, and voyages in a red boat with a lion-shaped figurehead
    called the Prince of Red Lions. Unfortunately, these items are a nightcap, a
    spear, and a relaxation platform, respectively, so he doesn’t quite get full
    marks. On top of that, he never seems to DO much of anything, besides declare
    his mighty heroism, which is a serious obstacle to his aspirations. On the
    other hand, in a manner quite similar to that of Orca from Waker, Nyeve does
    offer Link a chance to spar with him, challenging him to connect with 100 sword
    strikes before Nyeve can land three spear bashes. The top reward for this game
    is a Heart Container. Nyeve never ends up affording Link quite the same level
    of respect that Orca did upon his defeat, but does take it as motivation to
    become stronger as he continues his preparations for saving the world.
    O b l i  a n d  W i l l i
    Heavier-than-air travellers
    Race: Hylians, to their regret
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    In much the same way as Tingle became obsessed with fairies and tried to become
    one, Obli and Willi became obsessed with the Rito and tried to become them.
    Although their getups are indeed much more true to their subjects than
    Tingle’s, they don’t seem to have achieved proportionally greater success. They
    have, however, set up the awesomely named Flight Control Platform and equally
    well-monikered Bird-Man Contest, which means that they built a floating
    platform in the middle of the ocean and started challenging all comers to jump
    off one end of it and fly, glide and drift as far as they possibly can.
    Needless to say, if any actual Rito ever took part in the competition, they
    would shatter the current record and obliterate the chances of any earthbound
    denizen from ever even approaching it ever again. If I recall correctly, the
    platform also has one or two spectators lounging around it, which would suggest
    it has gained a nice measure of popularity. Anyway, what this means for Link is
    that he is more than welcome to dock his boat, run past Willi - the sturdier of
    the brothers and the outfit’s designated greeter - and head on up to accept the
    challenge of Obli, the moustache-bearer, at a cost of 10 Rupees per attempt,
    practically nothing.
    From here proceeds an exhilarating sequence that requires you to first set the
    wind in your favour with the Wind’s Requiem, then pitch yourself off the
    platform and unfurl your Deku Leaf. If you get some good speed at the beginning
    you can definitely go amazingly far, but to make it past the flag-arch that
    marks the climax of the current record-holder’s journey and win the Heart
    Piece, you’ll have to make use of the various cyclones littering the course,
    which toss you up to their peaks. They drift across the surface of the water
    somewhat unpredictably, which can sometimes screw you over as you futilely
    circle around at them only to have them whiff out of reach and fall into the
    drink. All the while, you’re also battling your constantly depleting Magic
    Metre, although you can easily just cheat (half-cheat) and use Ting. Your
    journey ends when, one way or another, you fall into the sea
    (‘SPLOOOOOOOOOOSH!’), which sounds a bullhorn and puts your feet back on the
    ground, such as it is. Hopefully you’ll have passed the ribbon when this
    happens, which will move it out that much further, make you the new
    record-holder, and award you your Piece of Heart. Nintendo Power magazine held
    an Arena contest challenging players to get as far as they can; the winning
    score was 573 yards. You only need like 200 to get the Heart Piece.
    For some reason, I’ve always had this idea that Obli is wearing an American
    fighter jacket from the 40s. Logical, right? They also wear goggles, which is
    just plain cool.
    O c e a n  K i n g  (O s h u s)
    Kind of like Poseidon. Or Moby Dick
    Race: Patron deity
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    The Ocean King is ostensibly the lord protector of whatever random section of
    the sea Link and the pirates manage to find themselves in at the outset of
    Phantom Hourglass. It’s actually possibly he’s responsible for a wider area
    than that, but I certainly hope not, because he’s sucking pretty badly at
    keeping watch on just the people who worship him. They constructed the Temple
    of the Ocean King on Mercay Island, one of the largest temples ever built, and
    he presided from its inner sanctum 15 floors deep. This worked very well until
    the dark god Bellum stormed in, overpowered him and his three assistant
    fairies, and kicked him out, stripping him of nearly all his power in the
    The most loyal of his fairies, Ciela, tried to stand and fight alongside him,
    but ended up bereft of her powers and her memory. Defeated and desperately
    needing to regroup, the Ocean King assumed human form and the name Oshus (or
    maybe that was just his name: Oshus, the Ocean King...I’m not sure) (confirm
    first name: Not), then built himself a house outside of town on Mercay. In the
    guise of an old man garbed in blue robes, carrying around a huge pink stick,
    and sporting a gnarly head of hair and beard, he kept Ciela happy and healthy
    as he tried to gather his strength once again, but the fact was, there was
    serious trouble on the horizon.
    Then Link came along, having fallen into the ocean after trying to rescue Tetra
    from the absconding Ghost Ship. It’s even possible Oshus directed the waves to
    guide him there, though even that small feat may have been beyond him at that
    point. In any case, Ciela finds him washed up on shore and the game begins.
    Oshus is uneasy about dragging Link into the battle and about letting the
    vulnerable Ciela venture out where he can’t protect her, but the spunky sprite
    will hear nothing of his protestations and he eventually gives in, providing a
    sword lesson and his blessing. After the duo teams up with Linebeck in the
    Temple, they venture back in to look for clues on where to go next. Oshus, who
    has apparently been observing all this remotely, then appears out of nowhere
    and reveals one of the Temple’s most important treasures, the Phantom
    Hourglass. With it, he says, one can counteract the place’s evil influence, at
    least until the artefact runs out of sand, at which point it will once again
    begin sucking the life out of the adventurer. The precise truth is that the
    Hourglass’s magic directly opposes Bellum’s power, but he doesn’t go into this
    much detail.
    After they collect a Sea Chart from the Temple, Oshus instructs them to head
    for the Isle of Ember, where they conquer the Temple of Fire and liberate Leaf,
    Spirit of Power, and then go on to add Neri, Spirit of Wisdom, to the party.
    Finally, they rescue one last fairy...but it doesn’t speak or react to them at
    all. Oshus informs them that what they rescued was the embodiment of the other
    half of Ciela’s power, and fuses the two together, restoring Ciela to her
    previous might.
    Fact is though, he’s still screwed, because for some reason even with the three
    spirits fired up and ready to go, Oshus is still being somehow restrained.
    Looks like there’s nothing for it but to have Link take the fight to the enemy.
    But the whole thing would be impossible and pointless without a weapon powerful
    enough to take him down, so Oshus sends him to see Zauz, an old friend. Zauz in
    turn dispatches Link to collect three Pure Metals, out of which he forges a
    blade upon delivery, but that’s the best he can do. Oshus, however, summons his
    strength and combines it with the Phantom Hourglass, forming the Phantom Sword,
    which looks suspiciously similar to the Master Sword and is the only weapon
    capable of defeating Bellum (or at least it’s the only weapon tailor-made for
    the purpose of defeating Bellum. I kind of suspect that if Link was still in
    possession of the Master Sword, it would have done the trick. I mean come on,
    it’s the Master Sword.)
    Link delves into the deepest depths of the dungeon to dethrone the dastard, and
    glory day, he emerges the victor. Oshus finds himself slightly more empowered
    and just as Link is about to be crushed at the bottom of the collapsing temple,
    he manages to teleport him safely onto the deck of the S.S. Linebeck. However,
    it’s not over – not only is he still magically frail at best, but Bellum isn’t
    quite done yet. The Ghost Ship appears out of nowhere and starts to assault the
    group, but they fight it off and board. In an epic sword battle, Link finally
    vanquishes Bellum.
    Fully reinstated, Oshus returns the stoned Zelda to human form, and with that,
    their time together is up...so, in an impressive feat of magic, he reassumes
    his true form as an immense white whale and returns Link and Tetra to their own
    vessel, as though they’d never even encountered the Ghost Ship. It was all a
    dream! Only not really.
    O i n k e r  C o u p l e
    Race: Oinkers
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Though the Oinker army spends most of the game antagonizing Tingle, the Oinker
    Couple (my name for them) are a pair of friendly, polite hippies with an
    onomatopoeic speech tic who want nothing more than to get married and live
    happily together, proving that love can bloom even on the battlefield. But for
    them to realise their dreams, they'll need an oversized Oinker snout as a sort
    of engagement ring. The Auros Ruins are overcome with the Oinkers' more common
    militant variety, but Tingle clears them out and manages to get the pair what
    they need. A nearby Salona is happy to marry them, but admonishes us for
    thinking that the story ends here; now they have to have their honeymoon, and
    we OBVIOUSLY can't leave them to it without any kind of special sendoff, now
    can we? The correct solution, as the part-time pastor not so subtly hints, is
    to throw a Tingle Fireworks in their faces, scaring the hell out of them and I
    guess making for a memorable wedding if nothing else. Then they trundle off and
    live for a while in a very nice style, but it's always the same in the end.
    O i n k e r  K i n g
    Breakfast Baron
    Race: Oinker
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Again, barely a character, but he has occupied the Auros Ruins and lords over
    all the Oinkers in the entire world, so that has to be worth at least a little
    respect. When Tingle finally confronts him, he summons two melee Oinkers and
    two magic-firing Oinkers to his side, and the fight is on. The boss himself
    uses both a sword and magic, which, again, is fairly impressive. As befits its
    late stage, it's probably the most difficult battle in the game, particularly
    given that the knights must be baited into charging before they're vulnerable
    and that the volleys of magic must constantly be manoeuvred around. The Oinker
    King is also a formidable opponent, his most powerful attacks sapping around
    5000 Rupees in a single hit. When the Oinker King does go down, Tingle gains
    access to the Rupee Shrine and the Master Rupee it houses.
    O l d  M a n  a n d  O l d  W o m a n
    Old people
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: The Legend of Zelda
    The first Zelda only had a handful of characters. Link was one, obviously, as
    were Ganon and Zelda, who didn’t show up until the end. Impa only appeared in
    the instruction manual. So what else is there? One Moblin who hides out in a
    cave, and these two old people.
    Their relationship to each other is unclear, but it is obvious that they know
    each other since Old Man gives Link a Letter for Old Woman to read. This Letter
    allows Link to buy Red and Blue Potions from Old Woman (they work a little
    differently from their modern-day counterparts.) Old Man, for his part, appears
    in caves and dungeons to offer advice. Here are a few pearls of wisdom:
    Dodongo dislikes smoke
    10th enemy has the Bomb
    Did you visit Old Man at top of waterfall yet?
    If you attacked the Old Man with your sword, the torches beside him would start
    shooting at you. There was a similar Old Man character in Oracle of Seasons,
    which took a lot of its inspiration and characters from the original game, but
    he just wasn’t the same as our good friend.
    O l d  M a n  H o  H o
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    I always kind of liked Old Man Ho Ho, travelling the seas apparently, always
    showing up in unexpected places, looking out to the ocean and explaining what
    he was looking at with an exclamation of wonder. A lot of the time he’s
    checking out a Bigocto or a Moblin submarine, leading Link to booty and
    opportunity. Strangely enough, he even seems to be very well-versed in Hyrulean
    lore, aware of the Triforce Charts and their significance, and seemingly even
    their locations, though he just barely manages to maintain his veil of
    ignorance. I wonder if he’s just a scholar, or if he has some other source of
    In Phantom Hourglass, it turns out he’s actually one member of a whole tribe of
    identically dressed searchers, the Ho Ho Tribe. Or possibly they just adopted
    his style?
    O l d  M a n  U l r i r a  a n d  G r a n d m a  U l r i r a
    Charming smalltown citizens
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    Old Man Ulrira and his wife Grandma Ulrira live in Mabe Village and probably
    have their whole lives. I bet they were even high school sweethearts, or the
    relative term since they probably didn’t go to high school, and on top of that
    they’ve probably only actually been alive as long as Link and the Wind Fish
    have been dreaming about them, which I guess means that all of the island’s
    inhabitants had a net lifespan of like six hours. In any case, Old Man Ulrira
    is a sharp dude who dispenses advice over the telephone, since he’s very shy in
    person. This is actually an advantage because you can contact him from any
    tree-entrenched phone booth on the island, of which there are a handful; upon
    picking up the receiver he delivers some commentary on recent events and an
    always-accurate suggestion on Link’s next destination. Grandma Ulrira figures
    into the trading game by offering up a Fish Hook in exchange for a Broom. From
    that point on, she spends her days cheerily sweeping the steps in front of
    their house, unless you use the Select Glitch, in which case she attacks you
    with a sword.
    O l d  W a y f a r e r
    The name says it all, really
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    Many years before Phantom Hourglass opens, the Old Wayfarer left his wife and
    son on Molida Island to go adventuring. Specifically, it seems he was looking
    for a way through the infernal mist that all but totally prevents passage to
    the northwestern quadrant of the sea. When you first hear of him, it seems like
    he’s passed into legend, and that that’ll be about the extent of your
    relationship with him; as it turns out, though, the man is alive and well and
    living on Bannan Island. Using the clues that he left behind on Molida Island
    to gain access to his (correct) theory on the way through the mist, Link is
    able to travel through the eerie barrier and eventually dispel it altogether.
    From here, he can immediately go and meet the old man if that’s what he feels
    he wants to do.
    The Old Wayfarer is basically in retirement, relaxing in a cabana, growing a
    massive beard, and wearing an old-guy hat and Hawaiian shirt. It seems that
    over the years he’s developed an obsession with mermaids, and has devised a
    number of ways that he might meet one; the one he mentions to Link is pulling
    one up with a Fishing Rod. (Though wouldn’t that require hooking her? Ouch!
    Poor darling!) Though he lacks a Fishing Rod, Link goes forth and encounters
    Joanne, a young woman who dresses up as a mermaid and floats around Bannan in
    an inner tube for the Old Wayfarer’s amusement. He hits her in the face with
    his Boomerang, triggering her immediate flight. Returning to the Old Wayfarer,
    Link explains the situation and is told that she probably ran off to see
    another man...how sad. Link goes to see Linebeck, who reports that he did
    indeed talk with the mermaid for a bit, but that she swam away. With this new
    information, Link once again runs back to the Old Wayfarer, only to find that
    Joanne has taken up residence in the pool in his house. The overjoyed Old
    Wayfarer, having been cut off from the southwestern quadrant and starved for
    company all this time, thanks Link profusely for bringing such a beautiful
    creature into his home and gifts him with his Fishing Rod as a sign of his
    A while later in the game, Link can head a ways out to sea to rendezvous with
    the S.S. Wayfarer (presumably the ship the Old Wayfarer originally used to
    traverse the confounding mist), where the two reflect for a while and the Old
    Wayfarer says that the mermaid Link brought him eats too much, and he’s running
    out of money because he has to spend it all on food. He doesn’t seem especially
    distraught over it, though, and even rewards Link with ship parts and a Heart
    Container for having caught a number of special fish, such as the legendarily
    massive and massively legendary Neptoona. In any case, in exchange for the Wood
    Heart, the Old Wayfarer tells Link to open the chest he will find back in his
    house, which turns out to hold the Swordsman’s Scroll with which one can learn
    the Great Spin Attack. Does this hint at an even more storied past? Is he not
    only a Wayfarer but a master swordsman? Didn’t Link already learn the Great
    Spin Attack in TWW? Pretty interesting guy.
    O o c c o o
    C-Button item
    Race: Oocca
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    This unfortunately named, funny little creature has the interesting distinction
    of being both a character and an item. I still think of them as C-Button items,
    a holdover from the N64 games, even though they’re now set to X or Y. Link
    encounters her in dungeons one through seven. In the first five, she’s
    searching for a way to return to her hometown, the City in the Sky. Since she
    and Link are both on the side of good, she decides to travel with him and lend
    him the reasonably useful ability of instantly returning to a dungeon’s
    entrance. After the first dungeon, she even sends him a letter to let him know
    that she’ll be out and about.
    As it turns out, the key to returning to the City is the Dominion Rod, which
    Link finds in the Temple of Time. Ooccoo and her son Jr are there to witness
    the Dominion Rod’s total loss of power upon being removed from the Temple.
    Complaining that all that work was for nothing, Ooccoo runs off. However, Link
    restores the Rod and prepares a giant cannon to fire himself skywards to the
    final shard of the Mirror of Twilight, and at the last minute Ooccoo and Jr
    appear from out of nowhere and jump in too. Having finally returned to her
    home, Ooccoo isn’t about to leave, so Link is on his own for the last two
    dungeons. Thanks for nothing, Ooccoo, but at least this story had a happy
    O o k
    Damn dirty ape
    Race: Monkey
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    With a simian ferocity matched only by an Okorizaru (Primape), Ook isn't about
    to make acquiring the Gale Boomerang easy for Link. Appearing to make trouble
    and menacingly shake the aforementioned piece of wood in Link's direction, Ook
    is under the control of his hat, a Twili relic that makes its wearer aggressive
    and violent. Link defeats him by knocking him off his perch, then attacking the
    garment with his sword. Eventually, the hat can't take it anymore, dissolving
    into thin air. Ook takes off, and Kiki and one of her friends appear for a
    debrief. But the cool part is that Ook comes back for the dungeon's boss
    battle, swinging through the air and carrying Bombs that Link can send upside
    the boss's head using his new tool. And then he takes off, not even sticking
    around for the victory celebration.
    O o u s o t s u k i s a m a
    Big Liar
    Race: Lesser Deity
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Like the Usotami in whose sanctum he lives, Oousotsukisama bears a purple
    stripe motif, but unlike them, he is several hundred times the size of the
    average human being. Perhaps the single weakest god in the entire Zelda
    universe, he nonetheless does an admirable job of keeping evil from encroaching
    on their enclave. He does, however, have a tendency to attempt to eat anything
    that enters his personal space, making any visit to his lair a dangerous
    proposition. Unfortunately, this is where Segaare has hidden the kidnapped
    Kakashi, requiring Tingle and company to make a gift of the correct type of
    milk in order to recover him. Segaare shortly appears, however, and, after
    taunting the group, cuts the rope bridge leading to the post to which Kakashi
    had been bound. His gloating doesn't last long, however, as Oousotsukisama
    looms from the darkness, chews and gnashes him, spits him out the Usotami
    Village roof, and then turns on Tingle. He then tests the would-be fairy's
    knowledge of Usotami etiquette, which basically requires that a speaker lie at
    all times. He thus asks a series of increasingly difficult questions, to each
    of which the player must intentionally answer incorrectly. You only have a few
    seconds to read and respond to each question, and get an immediate Game Over
    (and have to restart from the first question) if you get one 'wrong' answer. If
    you can't read Japanese, I guess it's just going to be trial and error mixed
    with memorization. After Tingle passes, an approving Oousotsukisama allows him
    to continue on his journey.
    O r d o n  V i l l a g e  K i d s
    Caught in the crossfire
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    All four of these kids are present at Ordon Village when the game begins, but
    are abducted when the Bulblins come to town. We catch up with them later at
    Kakariko Village, where they are in serious trouble. Even after we liberate
    Eldin Province, they remain in Kakariko, though the credits show their caravan
    heading home.
    Colin – Like Komali before him, Colin goes from being a snivelling wuss to a
    brave and ambitious hero-in-the-making. But despite an intense desire to fulfil
    the instructions of his father, Rusl, to be strong, he was nothing more than a
    weakling coward. As a result, the other village kids picked on him constantly.
    But after witnessing Link save Talo from the Faron Woods, Colin begins to
    understand what his old man meant. He’s abducted along with the other kids and
    taken to Kakariko Village. A little later, when the Bokoblins rush down the
    narrow road, we see him demonstrate his newfound will to act. As Beth is frozen
    in fear and about to be trampled under the hooves of the boss’s boar, Colin
    runs out and shoves her out of danger. He is captured instead, but Link manages
    to rescue him. He becomes steadily bolder from that point on, and in the end
    credits we even see him with a wooden sword and shield on his back!
    Beth – Apparently one of the richer kids in town, as she was the only one of
    them with enough cash to buy a Slingshot. She is mean-spirited to start, but
    mellows out after Colin saves her life. It seems she actually likes him, you
    know, THAT way. She also idolizes Link throughout his quest, wowed even by
    extremely simple demonstrations of his swordplay.
    Talo – Talo asks Link if he can borrow his Wooden Sword to show Beth and Malo
    what he can really do, but this turns out to not be such a great plan. He runs
    off into the forest to fight monkeys and is quickly abducted by them. Link
    pursues and rescues him. The only other thing he does is drop his sword when
    the kids are taken to Kakariko Gorge, allowing Link to track them in wolf form
    by the scent he leaves on it.
    Malo – Though baby-faced and weird-lookin’, Malo is possibly the most important
    and most mature of the kids. He is surprisingly worldly for his age, and when
    Kakariko Village begins to rebuild, he takes over an unmanned shop and opens
    Malo Mart. He isn’t the best businessman in the world, however; for one thing,
    he tells you his products are a waste of money. Eventually, Malo is able to
    orchestrate the repair of Hyrule Castle Town’s east bridge, opening a second
    branch there, which has smokin’ discounts that are awesome. Both locations also
    begin playing some really cool music that the employees dance to.
    O r i e l l e  ( a n d  P a r r o w )
    Parisian cosmetics company
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Orielle is indubitably one of the cuter Skyloft girls, with long black hair and
    a fashionable red-and-white outfit. From time to time you'll see her wandering
    around town, not doing much of anything. Early on in the game she'll go out for
    a quick flight only to disappear for hours, worrying her brother Parrow, who
    asks for Link to go out and search for her even though he presumably has a
    Loftwing himself. As it turns out, Orielle's steed suddenly got cramps or
    something, necessitating an emergency landing on a bit of flat grassy rock near
    Fun Fun Island. Bird and rider are now stranded, and Link conveys the
    information to Parrow, who quickly comes up with exactly the medicine Orielle's
    Loftwing needs. Link runs it back to her, and, like all medicine in Zelda, it
    takes effect instantly, allowing Orielle to fly home. Link gets to keep the
    Empty Bottle the medicine came in, and Orielle and Parrow each form a bunch of
    five Gratitude Crystals.
    P a m e l a
    Survival-horror expert
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Pamela lives in Ikana Canyon. Know what that means? It means she makes her home
    in a valley of dust and death surrounded by frickin’ reanimated corpses at all
    hours of the day. Know what else? Instead of barricading herself inside her
    house like a sane person, she walks out onto her veranda once every hour. You
    know, just to see what’s shakin’. This is one tough little girl. She’s frickin’
    Suika from Touhou, only without a bottomless gourd of alcohol, and not the
    daughter of an evil demon king.
    Her father could conceivably be MISTAKEN for an evil demon king, though. Skull
    Kid, being a complete dick like always, tried to turn him into a Gibdo except
    sucked badly at it. The result was a sort of half-Gibdo misshapen mutant thing,
    mostly covered in bandages but with limbs sticking out at odd angles and a
    rather disturbing visage. This is what Link discovers if he can enter their
    house, called the Music Box House because that’s what it basically is: a giant
    music box powered by the river on which it sits, whose song wards off any
    undead who hear it (which suddenly makes Pamela seem less resourceful but even
    still...would you take that chance?) Unfortunately, any time he tries the door
    Pamela will tell him to go away, not wanting anybody to mistake her father for
    a monster and try to stab him or something. Silly girl, we’re trying to help
    you; and since you won’t let us we’re just going to have to try a home
    invasion. Detonating dangerous explosives on her front doorstep will cause
    Pamela to come out to investigate, allowing Link to duck around her (easier
    with the Stone Mask) and rush down the stairs, where her father will groan
    creepily at him. If Pamela comes back before we can literally work our magic,
    she’ll kick us out, so we have to immediately whip out our trusty Ocarina of
    Time and play our equally trusty Song of Healing. And just like that, Pamela’s
    father is healed of his debilitation, and we get the Gibdo’s Mask out of the
    deal. I’m sure their subsistence will be easier from that point on as well,
    with both of them once again able-bodied.
    The scene that plays out afterward is somewhat heartwarming, with the two
    embracing. If you try to talk to them while this is going on Tatl will bitch at
    P a p a h l
    2.5 kids
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    Link can encounter Papahl shortly after awakening in Mabe Village, immediately
    if he wants to. Papahl lives with his family in the house on the raised plateau
    at the north end of town. Parents of four young Quadruplets, their household is
    an extremely noisy and active little place, and both he and, especially, his
    wife long for a few moments of blissful peace. Speaking to Papahl’s progeny,
    Link learns that their deepest desire is a trendy toy called a Yoshi Doll.
    Sinking a few Rupees into the Trendy Game, a UFO crane-based grasping
    challenge, he gifts the family with his spoils and manages to focus the
    toddlers long enough to stop their screaming. Ahhh. Papahl himself exhibits
    seer-like qualities, as he informs Link that the hero will find him lost in the
    mountains later on. His strange reasoning here - using the information to have
    Link rescue him rather than to avoid getting lost in the first place - is an
    early hint that things on Koholint are not all as they should be. Possibly
    owing partly to a tip from his wife, they do indeed encounter each other later
    on, Link stumbling across an exhausted Papahl in Tal Tal Heights near Mt
    Tamaranch. He gives the poor man a refreshing Pineapple to send him on his way,
    in return receiving the pretty and fragrant Hibiscus he happened to have on
    him. Rejuvenated, Papahl then proceeds to merrily run off in a random
    direction, which is by all rights a bad idea since he’s still lost. Somehow,
    though, he’s able to use his native’s knowledge of local geography to crawl
    back into town, so the family’s story has a happy ending. At least until Link
    wakes the Wind Fish and destroys them all.
    P a r t s
    Metal gears
    Race: Machinery
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    As luck would have it, after arriving on Page 5 Tingle and company find that
    the road they've been following turns to train tracks. This is good in that
    train travel is much faster than the ambulation in which they've been engaged
    up to this point, but bad in that they don't have a train. Eventually, they
    discover an engine resting in the garage behind the station they've come
    across, and are all ready to go. Unfortunately, the various components that
    make up its most important section are all alive, and very much in need of some
    fresh air after having been stuck inside for decades. They all take off and the
    group must gather them up again before they can proceed. Once found, most parts
    will agree to head straight home, but others have additional requirements that
    must be met first.
    Ganeyan – The foreman and leader, Ganeyan occupies a special slot in the engine
    array. He's also the most mature, the one who speaks for the group, and the
    only one who doesn't run off. The -yan may be a dialect-specific honorific used
    to be disrespectfully respectful.
    Battan – A series of objects resembling metal pylons have been set on the
    scrapyard fence, and once this leg of the Page begins, one will sparkle from
    time to time. Peg it with Pachinko and it'll fall, and another one will briefly
    shine. Hit all of them in turn and Battan will appear. He wears a scarf, which
    is pretty cool. His name sounds like someone getting hit in the head.
    Chekeo – Found in a drawer in the desk in the scrapyard, Chekeo will refuse to
    do anything until you've found every other part. Once you do, he will challenge
    you to a quiz full of inane, asinine questions that you couldn't possibly know
    the answers to until you take the quiz, inevitably fail, and then move about
    the Page researching what you missed. It's not even like it's multiple-choice
    or anything; you have to actually type it in, which also opens up the door for
    making an input mistake or not knowing whether a vowel needs to be long or not.
    Luckily, Netabare will tell you the answers to the questions you missed if you
    ask him. Naturally, completing the quiz will convince Chekeo to head back.
    During the quiz session, he is flanked by two female squirrels wearing pink
    ballet uniforms.
    Daisaku – Found inside a battery case.
    Gasu – Has been living under a rock for the last few minutes. His name, I would
    guess, has to do with gasoline.
    Gikkon – Hides in the station's decaying ceiling and must be shot with Pachinko
    a few times. Most parts look like pistons or whistles of various shapes and
    colours, but Gikkon is one of a handful who looks like a flying saucer with a
    lever switch on his head. Name might be the sound that Pachinko bullets make
    when they strike metal.
    Mochimochi – Earlier in the Page, Tingle can find a rotary-dial telephone in
    the scrapyard that the game says is inoperable. If you return in search for
    parts, however, there will seem to be somebody on the other end, as though
    you've just dialled them up on accident. They'll ask for you to reply; neither
    snapping nor clapping works, but blowing into the mic does. The receiver then
    opens up, revealing Mochimochi. His (?) name, of course, is a pun on 'moshi
    moshi,' the set phrase for answering the phone.
    Midzue – Fell into a grate and started drowning. You can save her with
    Kakashi's wara skill. Her name is likely a pun on mizu, for the water in which
    she's struggling to stay afloat.
    Ochime – Making a strong case for the argument that the parts don't really want
    to see the outside and are in fact just trying to irritate you, Ochime's hiding
    spot is actually inside the frickin' train. You have to open a hatch with the
    screwdriver and then shine the light inside.
    Pinko – Runs off with the steering wheel. Tingle has to follow her around for a
    while and hit her with Pachinko a couple of times before she'll give up. Iirc
    the name refers to her pink colour.
    Retsu and Gou – Both are among the most stubborn parts to convince, as they're
    very competitive and neither is willing to go back until the other has been
    found. Once you've located them, they then decide that they want to race.
    Tingle is called upon to officiate, and so must climb the observation tower
    just beyond the station, ring the marker in the distance to signal the start of
    the race, then return to the thing that stops trains from going too far so that
    he can judge the finish. You'll be shown a snapshot for a split second and must
    then declare the winner; guess incorrectly and they'll sense something's off
    and decide to have a rematch, get it right and they'll return to the train. I
    really shouldn't have to explain the pun in the names.
    Once you've assembled every part, you'll have to arrange them within the engine
    array. They all have preferences regarding who they must and must not be
    adjacent to, so you have to make sure everyone's appeased before the journey
    can begin. This may take some fiddling and re-reading to make everyone happy.
    When it's time to set out, the shabby old engine will suddenly transform into a
    sleekly magnificent liner, and allaya'll'll bust outta there.
    P a t c h
    Top-notch repairman
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Oracle of Seasons
    Patch is an oldish guy who lives at the top of Restoration Hill to the west of
    Symmetry City in the Past. Link brings him Symmetry City’s broken Tuni Nut,
    because the city will collapse on itself without it. Patch’s method involves
    something called the Restoration Ceremony, better known as the Crazy Cart game.
    As Patch chants the words, the Tuni Nut is placed on a mine cart that goes
    rollicking around the place. When it reaches a certain point, it will crash if
    Link isn’t standing on the switch that diverts the tracks. While this is going
    on, Link must also smack four Helmet Beetles into a pit. Um...if someone can
    please explain the science behind this ritual to me, I’d be much obliged.
    Later, Patch also repairs the Broken Sword.
    P e a t r i c e  a n d  P e a t e r
    One Simple Rule (for Not Dating my Teenage Daughter)
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    A former teen idol, Peater was once a strapping young stud, the former Mr
    Skyloft – so, male beauty pageant winner – and holder of the Clean Cut record
    at 43 strokes, or so he claims. He's clearly let himself go since then, though,
    with his hairline slowly receding, his paunch doing the opposite, and his voice
    becoming really cool. Interestingly, his Knight uniform is green, the same
    colour as Link's and Karane's, raising the question of precisely how many
    different ones they have in circulation (not that there are a lot to choose
    from.) He also wears pink armwarmers and fishnets. He now runs Clean Cut,
    challenging Link to slice a piece of bamboo as many times as possible before it
    falls over. It's easier the longer your sword is. My personal record was 55
    cuts with the short Goddess Sword (ie, the first one you get), see if you can
    beat it. If you get 'a real humding-alinger of a score,' that is, 27 or higher,
    you win a Rare Treasure. It only costs 20 Rupees per try and the various Rare
    Treasures can be sold to Rupin for 100 Rupees each, making this game quite
    lucrative; I managed to buy out Beedle before the third dungeon.
    At some point in his career, Peater met and married some fine girl who is now
    gone, but together they had a daughter named Peatrice. Initially dour and
    uninterested in her work, she runs the Item Swap at the Bazaar, where you can
    move items between your Adventure Pouch and the large repository she keeps for
    you. The more you talk to her the warmer her feelings for you grow. Eventually
    she starts to full-on crush on you. Well, she's certainly not BAD-looking,
    exactly. You have the option of either encouraging her of trying to brush her
    This eventually culminates in the pair's Gratitude Crystal sidequest. If you
    talk to Peater in their home at nighttime, he will ask for your help. It seems
    his darling daughter has fallen hard for some neighbourhood lout! We can't have
    that, so he asks you to put a stop to it, whoever it is. So like Bob Arctor,
    you've essentially been assigned with keeping tabs on yourself. What do? A
    conversation with Peatrice the following night (inside their house, well within
    earshot of Peater) holds the answer: She finally confesses her love for you
    once and for all. You can then either reciprocate or try to let her down easy.
    If you decline, Peater will find out that the guy is out of the picture but
    fail to realise that it was you. He'll give up five Gratitude Crystals,
    oblivious to the fact that his little girl is now heartbroken, and Peatrice
    spends the rest of the game depressed. If you return her feelings, however,
    she's overjoyed! And then she states that although she's happy, she understands
    your situation 'more than you know,' and it turns out she's right: She's fully
    aware that you're in the middle of an epic quest to rescue Zelda, and she
    assures you that she's fully willing to stand aside until your business is
    complete. What an understanding girlfriend you've found yourself there! There's
    no sweeter love in Zelda. Although I guess I say that about almost every
    romance in the series. Anyway, in this case Peatrice is so happy with you for
    opening up to her that she forms a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals. The ending
    of Skyward Sword puts the couple's fate in question, as it seems to suggest
    that Link and Zelda remain on the surface while Skyloft stays where it is, but
    who knows?
    P e r g i e  a n d  J a g g l e
    Village people
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Pergie and Jaggle go into one profile because neither one does anything
    interesting. Their children, Malo and Talo, have a lot more going for them (the
    latter less so than the former). Jaggle, who by the looks of his physique must
    be like a carpenter or something, has an incredibly massive forehead, and is
    somewhat lazy. He does helpfully teach Link how to make an improvised flute out
    of grass with which to summon a hawk, an important skill at least in the early
    game and critical in the tutorial, so that’s all right. Though not quite as
    motivated as some of the others in the village, he at least musters the will to
    seriously talk to Mayor Bo about retrieving everyone’s kidnapped children,
    whereas Pergie just sits at home and bawls grossly. Speaking of their home, it
    has a waterwheel attached, so it’s, what, a granary? Something along those
    P h a n t o m  G u i d e
    His real name has been lost to time, I guess
    Race: Poe
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
    From what I understand, the Phantom Guide used to be a hardworking member of
    Poe society, but somehow shamed himself and in so doing was doomed to helping
    travellers cross the Gerudo Desert for all eternity. After skimming the River
    of Sand (Link uses the Hover Boots, though there may be other methods),
    travellers are met with a small, unassuming structure just on the verge of
    falling apart. Here begins the Phantom Guide test of the desert, which for one
    thing requires the participant to even VIEW the guide; Link accomplishes this
    with the Lens of Truth (though again there may be other methods, especially for
    an accomplished magician.) The Phantom Guide, awoken by his sudden approach,
    then declares, ‘I’ll be your guide on your way, but coming back, I won’t play!
    I’ll show you the only way to go, so follow me and don’t be slow!’ Following
    this, he’ll fly off into the desert, and Link must give chase, following the
    exact path the Phantom Guide lays out. Any misstep will result in a one-way
    trip back to the Haunted Wasteland, but if Link can follow his bobbing lantern,
    he’ll eventually emerge from the sandstorm in front of the Desert Colossus.
    P h o t o g r a p h e r
    Huh, him too
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening (technically, Link’s Awakening DX)
    The Photographer appeared in the updated version of Link’s Awakening that was
    released with three main additions: Colour, the Colour Dungeon, and a
    side-quest of sorts that had you obtaining commemorative photographs to mark a
    number of meaningless milestones passed throughout the course of the game. He
    gets his own studio not found in the original edition, and this is where Link
    first encounters him (and unlocks the ability to obtain photographs) and to
    which he can return if he wants to view an album of all the pictures the
    Photographer has taken of him so far. It's even possible to print them off
    using the GameBoy Printer.
    In spite of being a mouse, the Photographer is a fairly robust little guy,
    willing to literally climb the highest mountains and swim the deepest seas (or
    rather bays) to get that perfect shot. And considering he always seems to be
    around at just the exact right moment, he’s either hella lucky or a paparazzo.
    Besides Link, he variously shoots Marin, BowWow, Richard, Grandpa Ulrira, Tarin
    (at Tarin’s insistence), the fisherman in Martha’s Bay, the ghost you have to
    take back to its house for the Angler Key, and the Zora of Animal Village. Some
    of his notable feats include starting Link on his visual kei quest whether he
    wants to or not, being hooked and reeled on the fisherman’s line, and shooting
    while falling off a bridge. Other famous photographers include Lenzo and Todd,
    the guy from Pokemon Snap.
    The Photographer also has the dubious distinction of creating one of the only
    things in Zelda history that you can screw yourself out of; once you pass
    certain points, some photographs can no no longer be obtained.
    P i e r r e  a n d  B o n o o r u
    Singing scarecrows
    Race: Scarecrows
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
    Link finds Bonooru at Lake Hylia as a child. Bonooru, a great lover of song and
    dance, asks Link to perform something he’s written himself. Whatever Link plays
    becomes the Scarecrow’s Song.
    As an adult, Link will occasionally see Pierre’s pointed hat poking out of the
    ground, and if he doesn’t, Navi will likely point it out with her glowing green
    effects. If Link plays the Scarecrow’s Song at such times, Pierre will
    recognize the tune, pop out of the ground and erect a Hookshot target, opening
    up secret areas. This is essential to completing certain side-quests.
    They both play minor roles in Majora’s Mask, teaching Link the Inverted Song of
    Time and the Song of Double Time.
    P i i t a a
    Corn farmer
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Piitaa (Peter) was driving his tractor through his cornfield one day when a
    spacecraft hurtled out of the sky and smashed it into the ground, trapping it.
    Unable to work, he's in quite a bind, and thus solicits Tingle's help when he
    happens upon the man's small house while following the yellow brick road. It
    turns out that Piitaa stole much of the nearby brick in order to build his
    house, but he's willing to drive Tingle and Kakashi to the spot where the path
    picks up again if they can free his machine. After they (sort of) befriend
    Buriki, she boards her pod once more and attempts to resume her journey to the
    City by air. It moves off the tractor, but then immediately crashes again,
    forcing her to go along with Tingle and Kakashi on their tractor ride. Piitaa
    is casual friends with the local doctor, Florence, but regularly refuses
    P i n k l e
    Pink Tingle
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Another Mogitate Tingle character, the mannish Pinkle dresses even more oddly
    than Tingle: She wears a similar hat, a bikini top, and fishnet pants. She also
    has a rose tattoo on her left upper arm, which fits with the game’s title. She
    helps him save his game whenever they touch base by way of Tingle's computer,
    and also contacts him over the Tingle Tuner from time to time to offer
    commentary on bosses and new areas.
    You'd probably end up thinking that that'd be about the extent of her
    participation in the story, but it turns out that not only is she the daughter
    of the Grand Fairy, but Uncle Rupee has imprisoned her in the Auros Ruins and
    forced her to help Tingle in order to ensure that he supplies him with a
    constant stream of Rupee offerings. If you collect every Rupee Good, you can
    discover her squared away in her cell/control room, where she'll be overjoyed
    with her newfound freedom and offer Tingle a reward. Goading him ever closer,
    she then proceeds to...give him a kiss, let's call it a kiss. It's just the way
    it's framed that makes it possible to interpret it as something else, and this
    one scene is likely the reason the game carries a sexual content warning in
    Europe. Given the participants, it's frankly one of those 'horrific car crash'
    moments. She also puts a holographic duplicate of herself at the controls of
    her workstation, so that Tingle can still function. As a bonus, she puts
    another hologram of herself in his house, so that he'll always have
    'companionship' if he gets lonely. This maybe evokes more inappropriate images
    than she intends. The joke's on us, as the next time you return home you'll
    find that her automaton does nothing but gaze blankly into space and wave
    stiffly, causing her boobs to swap creepily with each jerk. It's...quite a
    memento to bequeath to us.
    As the final battle opens, Pinkle strikes Tingle with a magical bolt that
    changes his boring green clothes to a heroic pink. Uncle Rupee scoffs, but this
    turns out to be just the edge that Tingle needs to take him out. In the bad
    ending, she instead laments never having been able to meet him in person before
    leaving, whereas in the good ending she...doesn't appear at all. Awesome. And
    that's it. Probably forever, unless another Tingle game brings her back.
    P i p e r
    Cooking Mama
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    The Bazaar chef, Piper is the mother of Gully and debilitatingly perfectionist.
    Her standards are so high that she continues to pinch and fuss at the food long
    after it's ready to be served, and so no customer at the Bazaar restaurant has
    ever been seen eating.
    P i p i t
    Local coolguy
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Good-natured and likeable, Pipit is one of Link and Karane's senpai at the
    Knight Academy. Though all three wear the same outfit, Pipit's is yellow, which
    he indirectly explains is a way of indicating what year someone graduated, as
    the issued colour changes annually. We never learn whether or not he's actually
    a particularly skilled Knight, but he does seem to be respected, and his
    positive attitude is great in spite of his slight obliviousness. He has a
    mutual crush on Karane, and if you play it right you can get them together.
    P l a t s
    Professional treasure hunter (Pt)
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Of the various members of Guld's treasure-hunting group, Plats is by far the
    most cowardly, but also the most loyal and by far the most zealous. When Link
    descends into his underground base camp deep within the Fire Sanctuary, Plats
    somehow mistakes him for a monster and figures it's all over, but rather than
    go gently into that good night, he decides to play a little game on him. Thus
    Link is forced to crawl around a simple four-square on his belly until he can
    manoeuvre around the little guy and snag him. When Plats realises he's being
    gripped by his older brother Silva's Mogma Mitts, he calms down and offers his
    assistance in the form of a Piece of Heart. He further proves his usefulness
    when Link is captured by Bokoblins on Eldin Mountain and loses all his
    equipment. Plats somehow gets possession of those same Mogma Mitts and returns
    them to Link, allowing him to escape his cell and begin sneaking around and
    recovering his stuff.
    P l u m m
    Pirate Edition
    Race: Parrot
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    After Link clears the Twilight from Lake Hylia, Plumm can be found in the same
    spot where Link initially wrangled a ride to Zora’s Domain. Here, Plumm is
    running a minigame, which unfolds with striking similarity to his original
    adventure upriver, except this time he’s riding an enormous bird instead of a
    twilit monster, and his objective is to fly into a series of enormous fruits
    that Plumm has placed throughout the course. There are three types of fruit,
    and the object is to fly into a succession of the same type throughout the
    whole course, fuelling a combo counter that multiplies his score to levels
    exponentially higher than they would otherwise be. After Link easily beats the
    high score Plumm sets for him, the intrigued parrot rewards him with a Heart
    Piece. I also seem to remember Plumm doing a little eye-clawing on some enemy
    or another, but maybe it was my imagination. It makes him a little cooler, if
    he did it. It also never really comes into anything, but Plumm is Iza’s bird.
    P o r t  T o w n  A d u l t s
    Economical Shoppers
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    In spite of living about twenty yards from its front gate, Tingle has never
    entered Port Town, a bustling trade hamlet, until compelled to do so by his
    newfound quest. For the most part, he finds the residents, in what will
    discover to be a recurring theme throughout his journey, unwelcoming,
    distrustful, and frothing at the mouth for Rupees. On the bright side, at least
    they're always interesting.
    Guard (Monbam) – Dressed like a tin soldier, the Guard stands guard at the
    guard tower, where he also lives. His and Tingle's relationship gets off to a
    rocky start when he charges Tingle just to enter the town, then goes on to
    explain that that's just how things work around here and he'd better not go
    expecting a free ride. However, he grows to respect him over time as Tingle
    works to help him overcome his wife's crippling health issues. Not long after
    their first meeting, the Guard's wife seems to have contracted the last bout of
    an illness that will finally take her out for good, but Tingle's Bogart-level
    investigative skills turn up a curative that brings her back from the brink.
    Then, a little over two-thirds of the way through the game, she becomes haunted
    by ghosts! In stark contrast to what 90% of people in the Zelda series do when
    they have a problem, the Guard takes up his spear and sets out to deal with it,
    actually accompanying Tingle as a temporary Bodyguard. Tingle leads him through
    the Icy Plain cemetery to the largest, most auspicious-looking headstone in it,
    which one would naturally think might be a good place to start searching.
    Indeed, the Ghost Ringleader appears, and easily knocks the Guard for a loop!
    Luckily, the crafty Tingle is able to not only bring the Guard to his senses,
    but command him in the ensuing rematch, in which the two overcome the
    Ringleader and sooth the troubled spirit's injured soul. This ends the Guard's
    problems once and for all; the progression of this storyline is reflected both
    in the level of politeness with which the Guard addresses you and the energy
    his wife displays when you walk past the tower, first being absent, then
    sitting in the window waving as you pass, and ultimately standing atop it doing
    rapid-fire pirouettes.
    Bella – A good-looking blonde who opens a modest cafe a few stages in. She'll
    occasionally sell Tingle a new Recipe, which he can make and then use to revive
    (and later sell to) the Journalist.
    Journalist – It's unclear whether he spends time with magicians or disbarred
    lawyers, but this journalist does have a verbal tic: In this case, everything
    he says comes out like written documentation. It's less annoying than it
    sounds. He's also a very adventurous fellow: Large brown moustache in hand, he
    sets off for the wilder parts of the world, most likely with the intent of
    photographing and reporting on his experiences, only to invariably succumb to
    the elements and pass out in the wilderness. When Tingle comes across him, he
    can revive him with a particular beverage, at which point he will happily
    unload large amounts of Rupees on him. Between excursions, the Journalist is
    Bella's best customer.
    Fairy – A guardian fairy resides in Port Town's fountain, and will appear to
    Tingle after he throws in around 20,000 Rupees. Chiko sees the pixie appear,
    and, thrilled to have seen a real fairy, gives Tingle her Fairy Doll, a Rupee
    Good, since she doesn't need it anymore. It turns out that the fairy actually
    came from the Auros Ruins, and took a leave of absence to travel to Port Town
    to study humans. The findings gleaned thus far seem to be less than pleasing,
    as the fairy notes that all the adults in town are obsessed with Rupees.
    Madame Scratchcard – Named for the lotto cards she deals out, Madame Scratchard
    doesn't appear until a ways into the game, after Tingle has acquired the
    Shovel. This item allows him to dig up the various Chips that she's willing to
    exchange for a chance at big Rupees. Yellow Chips allow for a normal game,
    while the rarer orange Super Chips allow for a 'Super Try' game, which has a
    much higher payout. The nature of these chips is unclear, but they're 'made of
    a substance you've never seen before,' and their triangular shape suggests a
    Triforce connection. Now what would such an unassuming old woman want with such
    Jeweller – With the typical jeweller visor and a discerning eye, the Jeweller
    will buy up any spare gems you happen to pick up in your adventures. His
    relationship with Madame Scratchcard is unclear, but it's not a stretch to
    think that they might be married.
    Chef (Horace) – Wielding a frying pan, wearing a goofily tall chef's hat, and
    possessing next to no cooking ability, the Chef, a regular Peter Keating, more
    desires to have knowledge of all the world's Recipes than to be able to follow
    them. In fact, if Tingle collects them all and is willing to share them with
    him, he'll get a Rupee Good out of it. While most of the Port Town residents
    either eventually warm up to Tingle or are just indifferent, the Chef remains
    rude throughout.
    Waitress – The Waitress seems to work at the Chef's restaurant, making it
    something of a mom-and-pop operation. Frustrated with her husband's
    incompetence, she sells Tingle increasingly large pots in the hopes that he
    will be able to succeed in his place.
    Armourer (Yorozuya) – Years ago, the Armourer's wife became fed up with his
    obsession over weapons and fighting, grabbed their young daughter, and took
    off, only to die in the escape. When Tingle brings him Aba's unqiue dagger that
    he found on the ground, the Armourer demands to know where it came from,
    rushing off to Deku Forest upon hearing the response. After what must surely be
    an arduous search, he tracks her down by the Cherry Tree Family, where he
    reveals all. Understandably perturbed by this turn of events, Aba gets upset
    and begins to spar with her father. Impressed by each other's strength, they
    decide to reunite, and Aba just sort of casually moves back to Port Town. On a
    normal day, the Armourer can be seen at his shop, thoroughly polishing a knife.
    He will also happily buy any weapons you make or find, including those wielded
    by Oinkers, which go for a decent price. The simple fact that he looks and acts
    like a bit of a scrapper nets him a few extra Cool Points.
    Chiko's Mum – A bizarre entity that can really only be described as a limbed
    purple egg with a bowl-cut, Chiko's Mum is the local seamstress. As such, she
    agrees to mend the Naked Salona's outfit, for which she of course charges a
    fee, but it's worth it. Later on, she all but begs Tingle to help her daughter
    see a real fairy. When he does, she pours Rupees down his throat. Incidentally,
    you can also find her mother, Chiko's Grandma, haunting her own grave in Icy
    Plain. It's a little creepy, but she helps you figure out the cause of the
    Guard's wife's ailment, and suggests the solution.
    Old Gent – As the star butler of a wealthy family, the Old Gent most definitely
    looks the part, tuxedo, monocle and all. As bocchama Paul's personal retainer,
    he goes with him on a balloon voyage, only to encounter engine trouble over Icy
    Plain. Parts scatter everywhere and they crash-land atop a mountain, stranded.
    Luckily, Tingle stumbles across them, and the Old Gent convinces him to search
    for the absentee engine components, of which there are three. He helps out by
    drawing the path they flew on Tingle's map, depicting a comically twisted and
    unrealistic career. Once Tingle collects the necessary parts, the Old Gent
    proves that his talents extend beyond carrying drinks and knowing which fork to
    use, as he quickly repairs their damaged vehicle. Paul elects to check out this
    Port Town he's heard so much about, and off they go, deciding to stay awhile.
    Though he doesn't seem to have any prior relationship with the widow, he does
    take up residence next to her, maybe just because strangers in a group tend to
    naturally gravitate towards those others of the most similar age. He also has a
    great name, and does literally nothing for the rest of the game.
    Master Mapper's Widow – Tingle first encounters this extraordinarily old woman
    out on Hometown Prairie, trying to recreate a map that her husband had drawn up
    decades ago. Apparently he was a cartographer of considerable talent, but she
    seems to have lost his stash, and at this late stage in her life, she's just
    not up to undoing the damage – narcoleptic and frail, she seems to have one
    foot out the door already. In her place, she enlists Tingle, offering to pay
    him cash Rupees for penning in any omissions he happens to notice in his
    travels. After buying a map (from Map Kid) and completing it, Tingle will find
    the old lady willing to buy it back; he can then buy it back from HER, and
    although it costs a little more than she paid him for it, the Rupees earned
    from each individual feature will more than make up for it. Now, the Legendary
    Mapper and his wife always dreamed of selling maps of all the countries of the
    world, so when Tingle finally buys completed versions of every map, her
    long-held dream is finally realised. She showers him with Rupees and a Rupee
    Good. And then...SHE DIES. Right in front of him. What the HELL, Vanpool?! Her
    ghost does seem to go to heaven, but the abruptness all but destroyed my
    eyebrows. Her stall remains eerily empty for the rest of the game.
    In the bad ending, Rupees rain down from the sky following Uncle Rupee's
    apparent defeat at Tingle's hands. The eastside adults are engulfed in Rupee
    mania, as their kids look on in disgust and vow never to become like them.
    P o r t  T o w n  K i d s
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Unlike their various parents, the children of Port Town care nothing for
    Rupees. All they really want is to spend time with their friends, showing, of
    course, that they understand what's really important in life, while the adults
    have grown to value only material possessions. They hang out by a big tree in
    the burg's far eastern corner.
    Paul Moneybags – A spoiled rich kid who leaves home with his butler, Old Gent,
    only to end up crashed on a peak in Icy Plain. With Tingle's help, the two are
    able to take off once again, and continue on to Port Town, where they decide to
    settle in for a bit. At first, Pual tries to impress the other kids with his
    vast amounts of Rupees, but quickly finds that they just plain don't care.
    Slowly, he comes to realise not only what they value most, but that they might
    just have a point. He remains a bit of a snob, but seems to be moving in the
    right direction.
    Chiko – A bizarre-looking, purple, bug-eyed child, Chiko's deepest desire is to
    see a real fairy. Tingle obliges (no, he doesn't present himself; he finds her
    an actual fairy), and in thanks she gives up the Fairy Doll her mother made for
    her, since she doesn't need it anymore. It looks next to nothing like a fairy,
    but is valuable by virtue of being a Rupee Good. Afterwards, she resolves to be
    better-behaved and grow into an admirable adult.
    Missy – If the kids were in a school-days drama, Missy would be the class
    representative, at least if she could find the time to do so in between
    conducting her complex science experiments. Smart, studious and 'spectacled,
    Missy is always seen reading books and writing in her notebook, ever
    endeavouring to broaden her mind.
    Aba – Probably my favourite character in the game, Aba is one of the most
    robust and adventurous individuals in any Zelda title. She has a very cool
    design, first of all, with a green cloak and auburn hair in a style similar to
    that of Kat from WarioWare. Tingle first encounters her on Hometown Prairie,
    where she teaches him the basics of combat; the fact that she even has the
    expertise to do this is interesting in itself. I fully expected her to drop off
    the face of the earth after that brief encounter, or maybe show up again to
    explain some new, more complicated combat mechanic in the vein of Toadette from
    Paper Mario 2, but the reality is much better. Once Tingle works his way to
    Deku Forest, he finds her living there with the jungle-man Junglo! She thinks
    that Junglo is her birth father, but he's keeping the truth from her. In
    reality, she is the spawn of Port Town's Armourer, whose wife ran away with her
    after becoming fed up with his obsession over fighting and weapons. She made it
    to the forest before dying, entrusting Aba's care to Junglo, much like how
    Link's mother entrusted him to the Great Deku Tree in the backstory to Ocarina
    of Time. Junglo shares what he knows of the story with Tingle, not realising
    that Aba is eavesdropping; furious with him for concealing the truth, she takes
    off, in her haste dropping her one-of-a-kind dagger, a kind of accidental
    parting gift from the Armour back in the day. Tingle picks it up and happens to
    carry it past the Armourer, who recognizes it on sight, demands to know where
    he found it, and takes off, ultimately catching up with Aba, where he reveals
    the rest of the story. Understandably perturbed by this turn of events, Aba is
    hesitant at first, and the disobedient child and overbearing father begin to
    scrap; after an energetic skirmish, tired out and impressed by each other's
    strength, they decide to move back to Port Town together and start their new
    life together. From this point on, Aba can be found perched in the
    aforementioned tree; climbing the ladder and talking to her will cause birds to
    take flight and knock Rupees out of it, the denominations increasing as the
    game wears on. Aba is the most mature of the kids by far, which fits with her
    extensive travels and fuller life experience. A realist, she's also shown to be
    quite introspective and thoughtful.
    Dave – The Chef's hefty younger son, he has a great love of all things edible
    and is burdened with the realisation that his father is no good at what he
    does. He still encourages Tingle to gather and submit all the world's Recipes,
    however, understanding that what he lacks in practical skills, his father makes
    up in knowledge.
    Big Bro – The Chef's emo older son, he has a great love of all things
    depressing and is burdened with the realisation that life is meaningless and
    we're all going to die. Tingle spots him from time to time in the middle of
    nowhere, follows at a distance, and retrieves junk that he throws in the water,
    most of it letters. Big Bro writes dark poetry and seems to have inherited his
    parents' lack of a real name.
    P o s t m a n
    A very serious civil servant
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
                 Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Ages
                 The Minish Cap
                 Twilight Princess
                 Phantom Hourglass
                 Spirit Tracks
    The Postman has had two incarnations. The first, strangely, is less noteworthy
    than the second. He first appeared on the scene as the Running Man, a guy who
    waddled around Hyrule Castle Town and, later, Gerudo Valley, and even later,
    Hyrule Field. Always running, the Running Man was. Link sold him the Bunny
    Hood, which made him even faster, as part of the Happy Mask Shop mini-trading
    game. You could also challenge him to a race from wherever you were to Sacred
    Forest Meadow; Bunny Hood or not, this race was unwinnable, as even teleporting
    straight there would result in him outpacing you by exactly one second. The
    only point was to race against your own time, which you could then view in
    Link’s house.
    His running animation was put to good use when it was recycled for Majora’s
    Mask. This time, he ran around Clock Town delivering mail on a route and
    schedule he had timed to the second, and he got very aggravated when
    interruptions threw off his flawless timing. He was also one of three people
    (the other two being Link and the Curiosity Shop owner) who knew the
    whereabouts of Kafei, and played a part in reuniting him with Anju, as well as
    handed over the Postman’s Hat.
    Oracle of Ages witnessed his participation in the Trading Game; the perpetually
    late public officer offered up some Stationery in exchange for a Poe Clock.
    The Wind Waker featured the appropriately named Quill, who is a distinct
    character. Johnny Xtreme adds: 'There is a Rito that looks exactly like the
    Postman in Dragon Roost Island behind the Mail Stall near the top. Interesting
    that a human eventually evolved into a bird creature huh?' Except that the Rito
    evolved from the Zora, which is actually much weirder. Doesn't explain the
    type-cameo, though.
    In his other three appearances, the Postman delivers mail. This is useful, but
    there’s not much to say about it, although the Japanese-style flag he wears in
    TP is kind of interesting, as is the fact that this incarnation marks the start
    of a delineation in the physical appearance of the various Postmen; this one is
    awkward and skinny, like myself. In PH he takes on a decidedly avian
    appearance, sort of a mix between his previous iterations, Quill, and a cherub.
    And his ST form is pretty much what that one would look like if he lacked wings
    and dressed more normally, though he laments the new world order in which
    letter-carriers no longer read mail aloud to their recipients, a duty his
    predecessor enjoyed, and without wings, he presumably has to travel by
    passenger train.
    Yes, an inconsequential character, indeed.
    P r o f e s s o r  S h i k a s h i
    (conj.) but; however
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    If Majora’s Mask were a short adventure novel for young boys (it isn’t,
    remember), Professor Shikashi would be like the old guy who offers vague advice
    to the hero at the beginning, and which turns out to be instrumental in his
    success at the climax. He just has that kind of vibe going for him. Dressed in
    Merlin-blue robes and a hat and sporting a cropped white beard, Professor
    Shikashi devotes his days to observing the cosmos with the gigantic telescope
    in his Astral Observatory, which he lets the Bombers use as their hideout. He
    lets one of the scarecrows make his home in there as well. When Link approaches
    him as either himself or his Deku self, he stresses the importance of
    developing one’s interests while one is young, which no doubt spoke deeply to
    the young people who were playing a video game when they read that. Professor
    Shikashi is, technically, essential in allowing Link to obtain the
    quest-critical Moon’s Tear (which also figures into a Deed-swapping side
    quest), but he seems rather clueless about the whole affair, and indeed his own
    impending destruction. Anyone have any idea what he says in the final few hours
    of the 72-hour cycle? I guess that’d be my job to find out, not gonna.
    Professor Shikashi’s alt-world counterpart in Ocarina of Time’s Hyrule was just
    some short-tempered old guy who hung out in the eastern corner of the village;
    you could easily go the whole game and never even notice him there.
    P u m m
    Pumpkin proprietor
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Tragically few people have the opportunity or the talent to live out their
    dreams, but Pumm beat the odds. An extraordinarily hard worker, he is the
    owner, chef, and bartender of the Lumpy Pumpkin, a pumpkin-shaped bar and grill
    at Pumpkin Landing that specialises in pumpkin products. He is a large man with
    a large nose, a large topknot and a large moustache. He is deeply loving and
    affectionate of his supercute daughter Kina, whom he employs as a waitress and
    sometime labourer. While she is initially his only employee, he quickly takes
    on Link as well, because he openly defies both Kina and a posted sign by
    rolling into an upstairs railing and sending the chandelier crashing into the
    only table. This gains him a Heart Piece but destroys the decoration. The bar
    man impresses him into service, and the Ballad of Pumm consists of Link
    performing various tasks to work off the incurred debt. The first is to deliver
    a load of hot soup down the throat of Eagus, the Skyloft swordmaster. Later, he
    is required to help with transferring pumpkins from their rows to the storage
    shed, which Kina challenges him to do by stacking five on top of each other.
    His last job is to accomplish Kina, an accomplished singer, on harp. It's
    challenging in its imprecision, but when he's done, Pumm thanks him heartily,
    promises that he's always welcome to come by for a bowl of Pumpkin Soup, and
    gives up another Heart Piece. And since the old chandelier made the place look
    so much nicer, he buys another, this one much harder to break. It also turns
    out that Pumm makes an annual offering of Pumpkin Soup to Levias, and gives one
    to Link so that he can attempt to heal the deity of his affliction.
    P u r d y
    Race: Parrot
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    I call these guys parrots, I realise they aren’t, shut up, nobody really cares.
    Purdy, Hena’s winged companion with whom she lives at the Fishing Hole,
    actually resembles a parrot the least out of any of them, this is a bird you
    might see in a tree in like the East Side or something, except it’s blue.
    What’s more, its single and only claim to fame is its unbelievable audacity and
    rudeness, and that, from what I read on an old GameSpot thread I dug up because
    I didn’t know anything about it (her?) since nobody cares about her, if you
    attack it or something Hena will get protective and kick you out of her
    establishment. That’s her entire thing, I mean profiles like this are the exact
    reason I try to lump characters together when I can, but Plumm and Coro are
    cool enough to deserve their own, so rhetorical trailing-off and abrupt finish.
    P u r l o
    Would-be scam artist
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Purlo is the dislikeable guy who owns the STAR Game in Hyrule Castle Town. He
    starts out with high hopes for what should be a profitable enterprise, but he
    doesn’t count on his only customer, Link, being unnaturally good at everything
    ever. The object of the timed game is to collect a bunch of coloured orbs
    arranged throughout a brass cage, which would be completely impossible if not
    for Link’s trusty Clawshot. When he wins, Purlo grudgingly hands over the Big
    Quiver, pretending to be nice and all but actually cursing Link under his
    breath and swearing it won’t be so easy next time. And in fact, it isn’t, with
    a greater number of coloured balls in even more awkward locations than before,
    and would be completely impossible if not for Link’s trusty Dual Clawshots.
    Purlo coughs up the Giant Quiver and is very sad.
    I can’t help but notice the similarity in name between Purlo and Charlo,
    another moneygrubber who hangs around Hyrule Castle Town (known as ‘the Town’
    or ‘the HCT’ to locals, not really.) He’s also one of a few people not to take
    any flak from Link in his wolf form, instead telling him to take off since he’s
    aggravating his allergies.
    Q u e e n  A m b i
    Ancient tyrant
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Oracle of Ages
    Ambi is the ancient Queen of Labrynna, seen only in the Past. Though she was
    originally kind and warm, she has turned ruthless and cold in more recent
    times. She’s not really to blame, though, considering Veran has taken control
    of her body and is using her influence to further her scheme. Ambi has recently
    commissioned Ambi’s Tower, a giant stone monolith which Lynna City residents
    have started calling the Black Tower due to its obviously evil undertones.
    Ambi’s body plays a part in a couple of boss battles, but Veran soon moves on
    to possess Nayru instead. In the end, Ambi returns to her old self and rules
    Labrynna with a kind and guiding hand for many years. As it turns out, Ralph is
    her direct descendant, many generations removed.
    Q u e e n  B e e
    Honey hive head honcho
    Race: Bee
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    The choking smog that blankets Steamy Marsh has put the Queen Bee out of
    commission! Why it doesn't affect any of the other bees, or indeed anything
    else at all, is unclear, but it's in Tingle's best interests to disperse it:
    Once he does, she'll give him a ride to the next area. A solid three times as
    large as any of her helmeted brethren (children?), she resides within the
    Insect Hive, of whose space she occupies most.
    Q u i l l
    Winged postman of the sea
    Race: Rito
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Courageous and compassionate, Quill helps Link out several times on his quest.
    He not only convinces the pirates to take Link with them, he also vouches for
    his good character to the Rito chieftain. The chieftain believes Quill on
    principle, because he holds him in high regard. Quill is quite wise for his
    age, but is completely baffled by watercraft, as his winged form has never been
    aboard one. He is also part of the rescue party consisting of himself, Komali
    and Valoo that whisks Link and Tetra away from the Forsaken Fortress when they
    confront Ganondorf at its wooden summit.
    R a b b i t  R e s c u e r
    Bosom buddies with bunnies
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    According to Nintendo Power, the owner and operator of Rabbitland Rescue was
    inspired by a desire to include collectible overworld items and one staff
    member’s love of bunnies. It is doubtful, however, that that guy’s obsession
    runs quite as deeply as does the Rabbit Rescuer’s, as the latter quit his day
    job, left his wife, donned a bunny costume, and built a huge park, a sort of
    Outer Haven for multicoloured rabbits, their only refuge from the loneliness
    and cruelty of a world that requires Pokemon to seek out human companionship if
    they have any real desire for self-improvement. The Rabbit Rescuer (my name for
    him) claims that bunnies actually enjoy being pursued, and so he sends Link out
    into the Hyrulean countryside to search for them and bring them into the fold
    in return for various prizes, mainly Treasure but also a Heart Piece. Each
    Realm has its own type of bunny, of which there are 10 each; the refuge becomes
    quite lively by the time we’re done. This also prompts a sort of epilogue that
    involves going to Hyrule Castle Town and fetching his estranged wife; the two
    are able to reconcile and begin living together at Rabbitland Rescue. Both are
    fond of using the word ‘frolic.’ This is probably the longest-running and most
    time-consuming of any sidequest in the game.
    R a b u – y a
    Date doctor
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Once upon a time, Rabu-ya was just an ordinary salaryman living in Emerald
    City. It was a good life, but he craved more. Finally he figured out the
    answer: He donned a toga, took up a bow, distributed flyers and newspaper ads,
    and began travelling the land, teaching the unlucky in love how to impress the
    ladies. The secret, of course, is to give them tons of useless stuff they don't
    need, and because they're emotion-addled mental incompetents, not only will
    their moods swing wildly in their before and after impressions of you, but
    their tastes will change every time you fill one of their hearts. It's hard to
    say whether or not Tingle's his first customer, but he's almost always around,
    ready to sell you more gifts with which to woo the women in your way. As the
    story wears on, he begins selling more expensive items, which are more
    effective, because the price you paid for something is directly proportional to
    how much your partner is going to appreciate it. He makes one final appearance
    at the dance party, but waits just off the floor, prepared to sell you any
    last-minute items you might need. It's a trick, though, as all the things
    Buruu-fujin likes are sold on other Pages. Incidentally, Rabu-ya was furthering
    Majiyo's plan by helping Tingle to become popular, so do you think the two are
    in league? Personally, I really doubt it.
    R a f t o n
    Fashioner of rafts
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Oracle of Ages
    Rafton has spent much time and effort trying to create a raft able to brave the
    seas to the southeast of Labrynna, but he needs a rope that won’t decay in
    water. In the Past, an old man named Cheval is working on just such a thing,
    and the rope is located in his Present-day tomb. Link brings it to Rafton in
    the Present, and as a reward he gets to be the first one to ride the new Raft,
    which takes him to Crescent Island and Moonlit Grotto.
    R a i a
    Race: Usotami
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    In Usotami Village, the underground town at the far end of Page 11's desert,
    Tingle and company find a society of squat, strange-looking purple creatures
    whose every word is the opposite of what they actually mean. They worship a
    giant monster whose audience can only be obtained with the help of his
    caretaker, Raia, granddaughter of the village elder and perhaps the most
    deformed out of any of them. Her grandfather, the only person in the village
    capable of speaking normally, has lately become quite concerned by her
    behaviour, as her increasing rebelliousness suggests a yearning for something
    the bounds of the village are no longer able to provide her. He believes that
    Tingle and his crew, minus the kidnapped Kakashi, may be able to help out, and
    so entreats her to help them find what they seek. She instructs them in the
    ways of gathering milk from the correct member of the flock of llama-like
    animals the tribe tends, and they successfully rescue the BB serial murderer's
    However, it is some time before Tingle is able to buy sufficiently high-level
    gifts to Love Push her beyond her second heart, so he must return later using
    the power of his time-travelling red balloon in order to finish the job ('What
    the hell, Tingle! I hate this! You don't understand me at all!' she shouts, her
    eyes sparkling with joy). By now, night has fallen, requiring the use of heated
    water where formerly crossing the desert required cold stuff; a small oasis, a
    kind of pond, lies at the southern end of the Usotami's section of sand, and is
    Raia's venue of choice for engaging in deep thought. She explains how badly she
    wants to see the rest of the world, and resolves to attend the coming dance
    party in Emerald City. She then reveals that her grandfather has given her a
    dictionary with which to learn the language of people outside Usotami Village,
    and, straining against instinct, sincerely thanks Tingle and says a few words
    in the positive. By the time they meet up again at the party, Raia has fully
    mastered standard speech, the second of only two Usotami to ever pick up the
    skill. Like the other girls, you can choose her as the love of your life in the
    game's final sequence, and if you want to do that, that is your choice.
    R a i o n
    Gentle giant
    Race: Lion
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Though a physically large and powerful anthropomorphic lion, Raion is cursed
    with near-constant cowardice, perhaps given away by the tiny bunny backpack he
    wears. As a result, he has to be continually pushed and prodded into
    performing, such as when Buriki must literally kick him into gear in one
    battle, or when he needs Tingle to promise him that he's just imagining things
    before he'll fight mummies. This trait is immediately clear upon his first
    meeting with Tingle, Kakashi, and Buriki, as he appears out of nowhere, demands
    Rupees, claims not to be afraid of them despite of his shaking knees, turns
    increasingly violent unnatural colours as Tingle reads scary stories from a
    book, and then runs for his life. After chasing him to a log cabin, where he
    tries to disguise himself as a stuffed deer head before crashing through the
    wall as he flees, they eventually catch up to him on the main path, where he's
    finally convinced to lend them his exceptional strength. This comes in the form
    of his 'kairiki' (great strength), which gets quite a workout – no pun intended
    – over the course of the game, as it is applied to large rocks and gates,
    trapped human beings and robots, damaged mechanisms, and, at one point, the
    party themselves, as the rest ride on his back. His first ability, however,
    matches those of the others, being 'tanomu' (request or entrust). However,
    while Kakashi and Buriki's tanomus have physical effects, Raion's instead busts
    out his ability to speak to animals. It's unclear whether he has such skill
    because he is an animal himself or is just a polyglot, but it frequently comes
    in handy for chatting with animals About the City.
    On Page 9, Raion continues to prove his worth by hoisting boulders of clay onto
    the car the party has attached to their liner, allowing them to be transported
    elsewhere, namely to one of several switches that can only be operated by
    throwing something large and heavy down a hole (how that works, I don't know).
    And in the late-game puzzle that has by far the most obvious solution, Raion
    gains his work certificate by helping a couple of sailors unload their cargo
    into a warehouse.
    Raion spends the entire game grappling with his courage issues, and finally
    confronts them straight on following the last battle with Segaare and his
    machine. Defeated, the foreign prince fires an RPG at the party, only to hit
    the giant stone model of the king's face that (appropriately) serves as the
    castle's facade. It seems due to crush the group, until suddenly Raion receives
    a huge adrenaline burst and time seems to stop. He recalls a time in his
    childhood when he came home crying because he'd been bullied and was unable to
    fight back, and his father assured him that it was ok not to. When he asked
    when WAS the time to fight, his father replied that he'd know when the time
    came, and that when it did he'd find the strength within himself to do it.
    Summoning more power than ever before, Raion catches the head before it kills
    them all, and manages to hold it up long enough to give the remaining three
    time to enter the castle. Somehow he escapes this lethal jeopardy, reappearing
    for the final battle along with the other two, and in the credits, he seems to
    have become captain of the royal guard.
    R a l i s
    Zora sovereign
    Race: Zora
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    By the time Twilight-era Hyrule rolls around, the King of the Zoras has died.
    When Zant stormed Lanayru Province, he executed the queen, Rutela, as an
    example to her people. Ralis was the next in line to be ruler, but he found
    himself passed out in Castle Town, far away from home. Telma did her best to
    care for him, but the town’s no-account doctor knew little of Zora biology and
    so refused to help. They needed an expert. They needed...Renado, in Kakariko
    Village! At the behest of Rutela’s spirit, Link travelled to the bar and, once
    apprised of the situation, agreed to escort Telma, Ralis and Ilia to the
    village, and after a harrowing adventure against a horde of Bokoblin
    boar-riders, they arrived. Ralis spent some time recovering and then gave Link
    the Zora Armour (once known as the Zora Tunic) so he could enter Lakebed
    Temple. He spent the rest of the game recovering, then returned to Zora’s
    Domain as the new ruler of his people.
    R a l p h
    Nayru’s childhood friend
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Oracle of Ages
    Ralph is known for his quick temper and headstrong nature. One of those present
    at the jamboree when Veran possessed Nayru, he put his life on the line to try
    and rescue her. He spends most of the game living in the Past, working to
    restore Labrynna to its correct state of affairs. When Ralph saw that Nayru was
    in danger, he immediately whipped out a sword, and in so doing, earned my
    respect. You just don’t see enough Zelda characters who can handle themselves
    around weapons.
    R a u r u
    Sage of Light
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
    Rauru was the man who originally built the Temple of Time to house the Master
    Sword, and also the one who devised the locking mechanism to the Sacred Realm:
    The Door of Time would only open when the three Spiritual Stones and the
    Ocarina of Time were gathered together. Beyond the Door was the Master Sword,
    which could only be drawn and wielded by someone of a pure heart. In this way,
    Rauru thought he had sealed off the Triforce from evildoers, though Ganondorf
    found a workaround. When Link awoke from his seven-year sleep Rauru was the
    first to greet him, and was the first of the Sages to provide Link with the
    appropriate medallion. Though not the strongest of the Sages or their destined
    leader (that’s Zelda), he helped coordinate the actions of the other five.
    R e m
    Rapid Eye Movement
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    A narcoleptic shoemaker who eats nothing but apples, Rem runs a modest trade in
    Hyrule Castle Town. Some of his best products include Zelda’s very own shoes,
    which I don’t believe have ever been seen ever, and the legendary Pegasus
    Boots, which are like the Speed Booster or Dash Engine or, uh, Running Shoes.
    However, as it turns out, contrary to Rem’s belief that he makes shoes in his
    sleep, the horrendous results of his conscious attempts belying the fine
    craftsmanship of his unintentional accomplishments, the ones actually
    responsible for his products are the ever-helpful Minish, who fabricate
    footbags whenever he goes down. This is a direct take on the German folkloric
    tale of the Shoemaker and the Elves, where a down-on-his-luck Rothenburger
    gains wealth by presenting ‘his’ creations to the Chancellor. Link learns of
    this (the Minish, not the German folkloric tale) when he assumes Minish stature
    and clambers up onto his workbench. The Pegasus Boots, as it turns out, are
    prepped and ready to go, so all Link has to do is awaken Rem so that the duo
    can be touched up and sold. One of Syrup’s Wake-Up Mushrooms does the trick.
    R e n a d o
    Community leader
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    As shaman of Kakariko Village, Renado is basically its mayor. He leads the
    community in its day-to-day activities, acts as spiritual advisor and is the
    local doctor. He has some history with Telma the barmaid, and even though he
    says he can’t stand her, they’re really in love. He was also good buddies with
    Mayor Bo back in the day. Renado, do-gooder that he is, heals Prince Ralis and
    helps Ilia recover her memory.
    R i c h a r d
    Imported hero
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    Richard was not originally a Zelda character. He hails from a game called Kaeru
    no Tame ni Kane wa Naru (‘For Frogs the Bell Tolls’), which was the starting
    point for the Link’s Awakening game engine. The game centred around a peculiar
    battle system and the ability to transform into a frog or snake as the Prince
    of Sable raced against his childhood rival Richard to see who would be the
    first to rescue Princess Chiramisu.
    Considering the highly referential nature of Link’s Awakening, it’s not
    especially surprising that Richard shows up on Koholint. He once lived in
    Kanalet Castle, which was supposedly the home of the kings of Koholint long
    ago, but his rebellious servants became aggravated and kicked him out. Richard
    moved a little ways off and built a small house. Richard’s Villa was filled
    with frogs and played a remixed version of the Kane wa Naru title theme. He is
    not particularly upset about being kicked out, but he does yearn for his five
    precious Golden Leaves. Link enters the castle and returns them to Richard,
    receiving the Slime Key for his troubles.
    R i c k y,  M o o s h  a n d  D i m i t r i
    Animal friends
    Race: Animals
    Appearances: Oracle of Seasons
                 Oracle of Ages
    Link’s Awakening featured a village inhabited by a plethora of talking animals,
    and I guess Link’s so-called ‘animal partners’ are an extension of that idea.
    All three are friendly talking animals with a unique attack, a unique method of
    travel, mild importance to the story, and the ability to reach areas Link can’t
    get to on his own. Any time before the third dungeon in either game, Link has a
    few opportunities to collect a Strange Flute. He can only ever find one, and
    the method by which he finds it determines which animal partner he will have
    for the duration of the game. Link can play the Strange Flute at any time in
    the overworld to summon his buddy, hop on and take advantage of their talents.
    Ricky – A kangaroo who has lost his boxing gloves. Despite pronoun use that
    suggests he is male, he has a pouch. Ricky can play Punch-Out!! or charge up a
    long-distance whirlwind attack. He can also hop up high ledges.
    Moosh – A huge blue bear with tiny angel wings that are somehow strong enough
    to carry him long distances. Moosh is terribly afraid of water, however, so he
    flatly refuses to fly over it. He’s also perpetually hungry, and afraid of
    ghosts. His attack is a ground-pound.
    Dimitri – This Dodongo defies convention by not only being friendly, but by
    loving swimming. He’s the coolest of the three, and his ability to travel
    quickly over water is the most generally useful, but his close-range biting
    attack leaves something to be desired.
    R i v e r  D e v i l
    Folkloric foe
    Race: Devil
    Appearances: The Adventure of Link
    Not a boss, or an enemy, or admittedly even much of a character, but rather an
    overworld obstacle of not much higher grade than a bombable boulder, the River
    Devil spends his days standing there. He is a hideous midnight-black
    multi-armed monstrosity who terrorizes the people of the nearby town of
    Nabooru, probably by dragging off small children or something, and certainly by
    attacking anyone who gets too close to his river. However, he shares the Pols
    Voices’ weakness for loud noises, and is highly susceptible to the tones of the
    Whistle. Until Link obtains that little bit of ivory, southeastern Hyrule is
    off-limits, which is a problem because the region is home to some of the more
    important areas in the whole game. If I recall correctly, unlike the huge
    boulder that has to be hit with the Hammer every single time you want to barge
    through, the River Devil can only handle one good zap and then he’s gone for
    R i v e r  M a n
    Flop Man, Turn Man...
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Adventure of Link
    In the middle of the night, Link goes walking in his sleep, from the Mountain
    of Death, to the river so deep. He must be looking for something, a Trophy
    somebody lost, but the river is wide, and it's too hard to cross. Blue collar
    working man devises master plan. Going to see the River Man, going to tell him
    all he can, about the Note Bagu gave him. Away, he's bound away, across the
    wide Mido.
    R o m a n o s
    Would-be wayfarer
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    The grown son of the Old Wayfarer, Romanos lives on Molida Island with his
    mother. Forced to grow up without a father due to the Old Wayfarer’s successful
    but one-way voyage, Romanos harbours a deep grudge against the Old Wayfarer
    that stems from his failure to understand why he had to leave him. Eventually,
    Romanos comes to see why his father took the actions he did, and resolves to
    become more like him and go on an adventure of his own someday, even opening an
    archery mini-game in hopes of raising the necessary funds.
    I found more to say about River Devil than I did about Romanos? Really?
    R o n n y
    Tantric battler
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Teddy Todo's idol, Ronny is a legendary bodyguard who hides away in the lagoon
    of Gooey Swamp; it takes quite a phenomenal accident to find him. When you do,
    he'll immediately challenge you to test your wallet. Nobody at this point has
    ever actually bothered to find out the exact number you need to offer (I just
    threw 100,000 at him), because if you meet it, the man who has supposedly
    thrown away the evils of material goods will be momentarily enraptured by the
    thought of how much money you're trying to give him. But he quickly snaps out
    of it, thrusts them back at you, and quietly acknowledges the strength of your
    Rupees. Next time you meet, he promises, it will be as bodyguard and employer;
    from here on he becomes a Drifter Bodyguard. The most expensive bodyguard of
    all at a hire cost of 20,000 Rupees, he is also by far the strongest in combat,
    sporting max stats in all categories.
    R o s a
    The only female of her race
    Race: Subrosian
    Appearances: Oracle of Seasons
    Rosa is easily identifiable by her red robes (most Subrosians wear green) and
    the big pink bow she wears on her head. Link enters Subrosia for the first time
    by furtively following her into a portal. Later, she loses her bow, but like
    the do-gooder he is, Link finds it and returns it. They go on a brief date,
    which advances the game a little and indirectly leads to the Rod of Seasons
    regaining another function (Summer, if I remember correctly).
    R o s a  S i s t e r s
    Dancing queens
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Bearing no relation to the subject of the previous profile, the Rosa Sisters
    are dancers with Gorman’s troupe. The girl in red is called Judo, and her
    blue-clothed counterpart is named Marillo. The current focal point of their
    lives is the development of a new dance they’re determined to choreograph in
    preparation for their performance at the Carnival of Time, but sadly they just
    can’t seem to find the ‘spark.’ They can’t focus, they can’t create, and they
    can’t agree, and everything they come up with just turns out to be a retread of
    their existing work. They want something new, something unlike anything they’ve
    ever done before. Ironically, their inspiration comes from something ancient,
    or at least old: Deceased dance master Kamaro, who gives up his mask when Link
    plays the Song of Healing for him. When he dons Kamaro’s Mask, Link is able to
    perform the old man’s soon-to-be-world-famous dance, funky music and all. When
    he does so in front of the twins, they freak out and realise it’s exactly the
    sort of thing they’ve been looking for this entire time (and give him a Heart
    Piece in gratitude). Every night, the Rosa Sisters practise their dance in the
    square in West Clock Town; after Link teaches them his moves, they’ll be found
    practising that particular dance in place of their own tired ones. Having said
    that, might as well also mention that by day, they lounge in their room at the
    Stock Pot Inn with the rest of the troupe.
    R u p i n
    Fez fetishist
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Toting a strange combination of strong customer service and off-putting sales
    technique, Rupin owns the Bazaar item shop, dealing in shields that break,
    capacity upgrades that you get naturally by simply progressing through the
    game, and common items that can be found by cutting grass. Amusingly, if you
    approach and then leave without buying anything, he'll get extremely excited
    and then pout. He also follows you around the shop area, which in real life
    would probably cause me to stare the person down, and if you try to buy
    something when your Adventure Pouch is full you'll be forced to walk over to
    the Item Swap and and manually rearrange your stuff instead of it just being
    magically transported there and stored for you, like what happens with stuff
    you find in the overworld. On the bright side, if you visit him in his home at
    night he'll buy stuff off you, which can be extremely profitable.
    R u s s e l l
    Big blonde-bearded bruiser
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    Link meets Russell shortly after obtaining the Recruit’s Uniform, a disguise
    that allows him to run freely about the castle, including restricted areas, in
    spite of all the guards having clearly seen him in his Engineer’s Clothes only
    minutes before. In desperate need of a weapon, he runs to the Castle training
    centre to be issued a sword. Russell, clad in the more practical cap of 19th
    Century soldiery that indicates an officer, has Link train with his new
    Recruit’s Sword to show that he can handle himself with it, teaching him the
    basic moves in the process. Some time later, Link will learn that he has an
    opportunity for further training, which, for a 20-Rupee fee, takes the form of
    the same exercise found in The Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass: Hit the
    opponent 999 times before being hit 3 times. The difference here is that this
    time it’s three-on-one, and not only do the spear-wielding soldiers become more
    aggressive as your score climbs, but they start working together and acquire
    new techniques as the battle wears on. This dynamic makes this version of the
    contest the hardest by far, but there are a few rewards, including random
    treasures and, if you complete it, the rank of Captain and having all guards
    bow in your presence, which is a little bit funny.
    R u s t a
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    A pancho-wearing old man with a pretty nice beard, Rusta lives in Skyloft but
    spends the overwhelming majority of his time at the Lumpy Pumpkin. It's said
    that he's sweet on Kina (and who can blame him), although he's happily married
    to Knight Academy cook Henya. While nobody believes him, he's quick to tell
    anyone who will listen of the demon he saw enter a secret passage in Skyloft's
    suspiciously small cemetery; it turns out to be Batreaux. Rusta enjoys the
    establishment's beverages as well as its live music, and will thus dance along
    if Link and Kina perform.
    R u s l
    Strapping village stalwart
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Rusl’s face is the first thing you see when you start up your Twilight Princess
    file, so he effectively kick-starts the game, by pontificating about the
    mysteries of that elusive space between the dark and the light. Rusl is a big
    fan of swords, and he not only gives Link the Wooden Sword to practise with,
    but later offers up the ceremonial Ordon Sword that was intended as an offering
    to Princess Zelda, which he forged himself. When Ordon Village is attacked by a
    Bulblin raiding party shortly after the beginning of the game, Rusl
    courageously attempts to fight them off, but is defeated at the hands of King
    Bulblin. The injuries he sustains in this fight put him out of commission for a
    long while; combined with Link’s departure, this leaves the village all but
    defenceless, and to make matters worse, the children are all kidnapped,
    including Rusl’s son Colin. And know what, his wife, Uli, spends the first few
    minutes of the game looking for their daughter, who has been kidnapped by a
    monkey, so these two have really bad luck. Later, we encounter him as part of
    the Resistance movement being run out of Telma’s Bar, in which he somehow comes
    up with a Golden Cucco to help us enter the Temple of Time (the man has serious
    skills), and appears with the other three operatives to get in a nice violent
    brawl during Link’s final assault on Hyrule Castle. Here he demonstrates his
    hawk-commanding skills, which is really making it seem like a pretty common
    ability in Ordon Village. I assume that when he’s in the village and in good
    health, Rusl is a farmer as well as a swordsman, because a place with so few
    people needs every labourer possible, and it’s not like he has something better
    to do when they’re not being attacked anyhow.
    Yes, there are two people in the Zelda series who have this name, and yes, they
    are both skilled with swords and give Link his first one.
    R u t o
    Pluckiness defined
    Race: Zora
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
    Princess Ruto’s main job is attendant to Jabu-Jabu, the Zora deity. She would
    often enter Jabu-Jabu’s belly and wander around inside him, knowing that it was
    not particularly dangerous for her. She was imperilled, however, when the
    monster known as Barinade and his various underlings invaded Jabu-Jabu’s body
    on Ganondorf’s orders. Searching for her Spiritual Stone of Water, which
    Jabu-Jabu had incidentally swallowed while being fed, Ruto accidentally fell
    through a permeable membrane and became hopelessly lost. Luckily, Link was
    seeking her out, as he knew she had the Spiritual Stone and was trying to
    collect them.
    After he found Ruto, she followed him around and let him carry her on his
    shoulders. They worked together to escape Jabu-Jabu’s Belly, with Ruto
    performing such roles as keeping switches depressed so that Link could proceed.
    (She has other uses, too, which exploit her invincibility – namely you can
    throw her at Biri to pop them. She is not particularly impressed with such
    behaviour.) Eventually, Link is able to defeat Barinade.
    Ruto lets him choose his reward, and he picks the Zora’s Sapphire. This is an
    item of special significance to Ruto because it was given to her by her dead
    mother. She received it with instructions to give it to the man she intended to
    marry – and Link is pretty cute, so she happily hands over the Zora’s
    Engagement Ring.
    After Ganondorf’s takeover, all of Zora’s Domain is covered under ice, and its
    inhabitants with it. Sheik finds Ruto under the ice and frees her, but is
    unable to do the same for her people. Ruto is regretful on this point but
    starts to work against Ganondorf, and ends up encountering Link in the Water
    Temple. Ruto is pretty angry that Link has been out of touch, but she sets
    their differences aside so they can conquer the Water Temple together.
    Actually, Ruto doesn’t do a whole lot, but she does help somewhat. After Link
    beats Morpha, Ruto awakens as the Sage of Water.
    She reluctantly points out that Sages can never marry, and so she must break
    the vows she and Link made so long ago. Harsh. Then again, Link probably isn’t
    too bummed.
    S a h a s r a h l a
    Old Man’s successor
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
    Sahrashla is every bit the wise elder, sporting a long white beard and spouting
    nonsense no one can understand. He originally lived in Kakariko Village but
    smartly skipped town when the Hyrule Castle Guards set up shop. Link finds him
    living as a recluse near the Eastern Palace. He explains the ancient history of
    the Master Sword, the story of the Seven Wise Men (that is, the Seven Sages
    from Ocarina of Time, only two of whom were actually men) and Link’s new quest:
    To find the Pendants of Courage, Wisdom and Power. He provides the Pegasus
    Boots after Link acquires the first of the three. Skilled in telepathy,
    Sahasrahla psychically contacts Link several times throughout the game. He also
    provides a little advice when Link touches a Triforce tile. After Ganon is
    ousted, Sahasrahla returns home and everybody parties.
    Sahasrahla’s name comes from Nintendo of America’s ever-terrible Romanization.
    His Japanese name, Sahasurara, refers to Sahasrara, the highest chakra in the
    Hindu Tantric tradition.
    S a l e
    Sells things
    Race: Alligator
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    Sale’s House of Bananas can be found at Toronbo Shores on the southern coast of
    Koholint Island. His potassium emporium doesn’t seem to have anything up for
    purchase, but the fellow is willing to strike up a deal if you can come up with
    something to his liking. Fortunately, Sale helpfully lets us know that his
    life’s passion lies with the curation of canned goods, and so armed with this
    knowledge we can figure out that the Dog Food from Madame MeowMeow is exactly
    the ticket. This is part of the Trading Game, which is pretty much where Sale’s
    usefulness ends. Although we were expecting Sale to add the can to his
    collection, he actually ends up tossing it straight down the hatch and
    swallowing it in one gulp, which...kind of makes you wonder, but as long as
    he’s happy.
    Sale has a brother in Animal Village named Schule Donavitch.
    S a l v a g e  C o r p.
    Undersea scavengers
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Salvage Corp. is cool because they’re one of a number of groups that actually
    travel around the sea, like Link, Beedle, or Fishman. Their craft seems to be a
    submarine, but is apparently not submersible. The three men spend their days
    trolling the ocean floor for treasure, using what appears to be about 1920s-era
    diving equipment, searching for that one big haul that will set them on the
    free and easy for the rest of their lives. When Link talks to them, they give
    him various Sea Charts that they think they don’t need, but if they’re strapped
    for cash maybe they should be holding onto them. Towards the end of the game,
    they start searching for the golden Triumph Forks, but without the Triforce
    Charts it’s safe to say they never had a hope of finding them.
    S a l v a t o r e
    Bored employee
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
                 Phantom Hourglass
    Most of us can identify with Salvatore because we’ve been there. We’ve been
    stuck working demeaning, pointless jobs that we can’t leave because being poor
    isn’t very fun, and so we grind through them, shift after shift. Salvatore’s
    arbeit is particularly boring because most of the time all he ever does ever is
    sit behind his dais with his chin in his hand, on the off-chance someone might
    wander at random into the Windfall Island windmill and suddenly have the urge
    to play the game he’s running. Pretty dull stuff, but eventually, he does get a
    customer. Actually, I wonder if Link was in fact the only one he ever got.
    Regardless, Salvatore springs into action. Donning a cardboard cutout that
    gives him a salty backdrop and a pirate captain’s hat, he launches into a
    desperate tale of an attack on the island. The children are in danger! You, the
    player, are tasked with protecting them, apparently by shooting Bombs at them.
    He really gets into it, even adding voices and sound effects. Then the game
    starts, and you find out it’s a lot like Battleship. Link has a limited number
    of shots to fire at any location of his choice on a large grid; if the one he
    chooses is empty, Salvatore will go ‘SmiiIIIiish!” and a red x will appear;
    otherwise, he’ll blow into a trumpet and a hit marker will materialise. The
    goal is to pick a pattern that makes optimal use of your shots, then hope
    you’re lucky enough to detect and destroy all four attacking ships before you
    run out of ammunition. It’s kind of fun. It may take a couple of tries to win
    due to the random ship layout that may screw you over due to simple bad luck,
    but the prizes are very worthy of your time.
    You can meet Salvatore again on another island, so small that his dais is just
    about all it can accommodate, where he runs a different mini-game, this one
    seeing Link firing a cannon at a number of targets. This one’s pretty ok too.
    Mila eventually takes over his night shift.
    The first time I saw Salvatore – tall, blonde, and moustachioed – I imagined he
    was about 18. I’m no longer sure if that’s possible.
    Salvatore reappears in Phantom Hourglass, this time running a cannon game on
    Bannan Island. This time he illustrates the rules with a puppet show. But I
    have to wonder, how did yet ANOTHER Waker character manage to venture so far
    afield from their home base? If not for the S.S. Linebeck riding the horizon at
    the end of Hourglass, I’d be tempted to call the entire game Koholint Island
    S a r i a
    Link’s childhood friend
    Race: Kokiri
    Appearances: Ocarina of Time
    Link was always disliked and picked on for not having a fairy of his own. Saria
    was the one Kokiri who never teased him. Like Medli to Komali, she was both a
    love interest and an older sister figure to him. She was also quite brave,
    brazenly entering the dangerous Lost Woods and exploring them thoroughly. Her
    favourite place is the Sacred Forest Meadow, right outside the Forest Temple.
    Saria has what is said to be the most touching moment in any Zelda game: The
    time when Link must leave the forest behind, and that means Saria, too. She
    wordlessly gives him her favourite Fairy Ocarina, then runs off, crying. I
    wasn’t that affected by it, but perhaps I am just cold and heartless.
    She teaches him Saria’s Song, which sounds suspiciously like the Lost Woods
    theme, so that he can play it for Darunia and cheer him up. When Link takes his
    seven-year hiatus, Saria is captured and imprisoned in the Forest Temple by
    Phantom Ganon and the ‘Little Women’ Poe Sisters. When Link rescues her, she
    awakens as the Sage of Forest and gives him the Forest Medallion.
    S c e r v o
    Yah-yo yah-yo
    Race: Robot
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    There once was a robot named Skipper, who was king of the pirates. He had fame,
    wealth and power beyond your wildest dreams. Before Link took him up on his
    offer, these were the final words he said: 'My ship is mine for the re-taking,
    but we'll have to find it first. I left everything I own lying around here
    somewhere.' Immediately, the hero from Skyloft set sail for Lanayru Ocean,
    searching for Lanayru's Flame, the treasure that would make his sword complete.
    After finally locating the rogue vessel and dungeon-busting his way through it
    for a while, he catches up to Scervo, the rival pirate who commandeered the
    ship and apparently installed his crew of Bokoblins on it. He's found standing
    atop the forecastle, gazing contemplatively out at the desert; like the ship
    itself, he's become dusty and worn over the centuries, and it's probably safe
    to assume he hasn't moved an inch for years. As soon as Link appears, though,
    he immediately pulls his epee and initiates a sumo-style desperate struggle.
    Scervo tries to push Link back into an electrified fence, while the latter
    attempts to force the former off the bow. As the fight goes on Scervo loses his
    right arm and begins attacking with the hook on his left, his moves becoming
    more exaggerated and violent. Eventually, Link gives him the final shove off,
    and he can finally rest in peace. Fi even expresses her admiration for his
    perseverance in surviving this long.
    Later, in the second forest chamber of the Sky Keep, we meet an extremely
    similar enemy called Dreadfuse. The fight plays out basically the same.
    S c h u l e  D o n a v i t ch
    Race: Alligator
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    Bearing the single best name anyone has ever had, Schule Donavitch is a
    successful sculptor living in Animal Village. In fact, it was Donavitch who
    sculpted the Mermaid Statue at the lookout point of Martha’s Bay. When combined
    with his brother, Sale, a connoisseur of fine canned goods, the duo forms a
    cleverly subtle reference to Andy Warhol, a celebrated mid-20th Century
    American artist who painted a can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup in 1968, which
    became really famous for challenging ideas of what could and could not be
    considered art. He (Donavitch, not Warhol) is also listed in one instance as
    ‘Art Alligator’, but let’s be serious.
    S c r a p p e r
    Living grappling hook
    Race: Robot
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    In spite of the fact that no Skylofter before Link has ever left the floating
    archipelago, Gondo's grandfather somehow excavated this tiny little robot and,
    lacking the Ancient Flower juice necessary to restore him, turned him into a
    kind of heirloom. For his part, Gondo spends every night tinkering with the
    bolt-bucket in an effort to repair him, but never makes any progress. Instead,
    like many Zelda secrets, Scrapper merely taunts you, as you just know you're
    going to come across the right item sooner or later, you just don't know what
    it is or when you'll find it...and then, in Lanayru Desert, you encounter
    others just like him, and there's a very palpable aha moment that goes with
    When you return to the Bazaar with an Ancient Flower, Gondo jumps at the chance
    to finally bring Scrapper back to operational condition, which he somehow
    accomplishes in seconds, and then assures you that you will now be able to haul
    objects up from the world below. Scrapper is less than impressed, however,
    flatly refusing to help Link. The ungrateful twit also takes to calling him
    'Mr. Shortpants,' which is strange considering that his pants are full-length.
    However, when Fi appears to offer her analysis of the situation, Scrapper is
    instantly taken with her, and declares that he'll do anything this vision of
    loveliness asks. Fi looks at him for a beat, then declares in complete deadpan
    that they will now be able to use him to haul objects from the surface. It's
    hilarious, I promise. From then on, Fi will telepathically summon 'the robot'
    anytime you require his hauling services, and he will immediately float down,
    apologize to her for taking so long, give you some attitude, extend his
    extendable arms and depart with the desired load. When you return to the sky
    he'll follow along behind you, for some reason refusing to fly through those
    speed-boosting asteroids, yet still keeping pace.
    By the way, if no Skylofter before Link has ever left the floating archipelago,
    what must their gene pool look like a thousand years in? Because there's what,
    maybe twenty people hanging around – forget marrying your cousin, every man in
    town is practically his own brother. And while I'm at it, since the events of
    the game seem to suggest that they drop things beneath the clouds with alarming
    frequency, where do they keep getting the materials to build things? I mean,
    there's not much to start with, and once it's gone, it's gone.
    S e g a a r e
    Momma's boy
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    On the orders of his mother, Majiyo, Segaare does everything he can to make
    Tingle's journey to the City s troublesome as possible. He first appears near
    the end of Page 4, clad in a mask and red riding hood. Just as the party is
    about to cross the gorge, he pulls out his sword and slices the ropes holding
    the bridge up, temporarily blocking their path. He then grins devilishly, jumps
    atop his white steed, and rides off backwards. Buriki scans him before he
    leaves, but doesn't uncover much more information than that he's 25 years old.
    Thus he becomes a recurring antagonist throughout the game, always lurking just
    beneath the surface; his next appearance is at the end of Page 8, observing
    through binoculars as Tingle and crew finally succeed in obtaining a Gasoringo
    and continuing their journey. He pulls out a cell phone and calls his mother,
    who tells him to slow their progress again, and then throws off his cloak,
    revealing himself to be a prince. He then realises that he's sitting atop a
    mule, as his horse looks on in disgust. When he places a jump on the train
    tracks, the Liner veers off course and into a rickety set of service rails. He
    makes one final bid at harassment on Page 11, disguising himself and his steed
    as street performers, which enrapture Kakashi. Segaare uses this opportunity to
    steal the young doll when nobody's looking. They finally catch up to him in the
    bowels of Usotami Village, where he prevents their easy return by again cutting
    a rope bridge. Perhaps it's his signature technique. Unfortunately for him,
    however, all the activity draws the attention of the Usotami's patron deity,
    Oousotsukisama, who promptly grabs him, shoves him in his mouth, mashes him
    around with his tongue a little, and then spits him through a hole in the roof.
    As it turns out, quite apart from wanting to help his beloved mother regain her
    youth, Segaare may have his own reasons for wanting to interfere with Tingle's
    quest: He and Princess Emera actually go all the way back to their childhood,
    and he believes them to be perfect for each other. Emera, of course, wants
    nothing to do with that, but he seems not to notice. He, Tingle, Kakashi,
    Buriki and Raion have one final encounter at the beginning of Page 13, shortly
    after they escape the castle prison. After taunting them, Segaare enters a
    secret door in the back of the statue that he had built in the king's likeness
    and sent to him as a gift; as it turns out, this was a trick, as it hides a
    large steam-powered mech. Segaare's horse sets up a laser-wire fence at the
    gate and Segaare begins pulling out one weapon after another, including a giant
    hammer and a giant trumpet. The rules to this fight are simple: Figure out how
    to destroy each weapon as it appears. The answer lies somewhere within the
    collective abilities of your three partners, except for one which requires
    Tingle. Every time you act successfully, Segaare's machine gets pushed back a
    few steps; likewise, if you select an incorrect action, he'll push the party
    back a ways. The difference is that Tingle and his dudes will get a game over
    if Segaare forces them into the laser-wire fence. Once all of his weapons have
    been dismantled, Segaare's Gundam is destroyed and he is seemingly defeated.
    They move to enter the castle doors, but, a sore loser, Segaare shoulders an
    RPG and fires it at them. The projectile flies wildly off the mark and instead
    strikes the giant model of the king's head that adorns the structure's facade
    (see what I did there?), and it plummets toward them. Raion is able to catch
    and hold it long enough for the others to push forward, and Segaare is finally
    He reappears after his mother's defeat, trying to act as apologist for all the
    trouble she's caused. Nobody buys it, obviously. Then they're all transported
    back to the normal dimension and Buruu-fujin imprisons the two in a cramped
    cage, which is apparently made of cardboard because they seem to escape
    instantly. Both make one final appearance in the forest from Page 4, pursued by
    the gang of squirrels that rules it, including the big one.
    S e i b u u
    Save point
    Race: Pig
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Seibuu is a pig who allows you to save your game, as his name is a pun on
    'save' (seebu) and 'pig' (buta), hence his alternate and slightly better name
    Seebuta. He is fully capable of human speech and, after explaining the
    mechanics to you, announces each time you see him that he is a pig. It would
    seem that he travels across the land as you search far and wide, rather than
    being a series of similar creatures.
    S e r a
    Demo doll
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Although her appearance was only fleeting, Sera instantaneously became one of
    the ‘faces’ of Twilight Princess by showing herself in the E3 2005 demo vid.
    Hanch’s wife and Beth’s mother, she owns and operates Sera’s Sundries, the tool
    and supply shop from which Link purchases the Slingshot, one of his first
    acquisitions and an item with which he can wow all the local boys and girls.
    She also gives him a bottle of Milk, which, more importantly than the 6 hearts
    it restores, becomes one of those always-useful Empty Bottles, good for storing
    everything from Fairies to Potions to, in this game for the first time, Lantern
    She’s also the owner of a cat named after Link, who runs way when Sera fails to
    give him fish for dinner, and is initially found trying to grab some straight
    out of the river and roundly failing. After Hylian Link catches one for him, he
    snatches it and runs back to the shop, returning Sera to good spirits. This
    cat, incidentally, turns out to be surprisingly articulate and well-informed
    when you speak to him in wolf form.
    S h i g u m a s e n t o
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    In real life, all kinds of repulsive middle-aged men stalk young female idols.
    Shigumasento is sort of the Zelda version of that, having set up a telescope in
    a hotel landing and trained it on the balcony off Princess Emera's room. He
    seemingly never leaves the building and has committed her daily routine to
    memory, so that he may always leer at her when she comes out to greet the
    morning or evening air. He unwittingly saves her life by forcing Tingle to look
    at her too, which ends up alerting him to the fact that she's been poisoned and
    precipitating his quest to concoct the cure. When Tingle proves too powerful
    for Majiyo to enslave and drain of power, she uses Shigumasento in his place,
    though he proves a poor substitute indeed.
    S h i r o
    Invisible Man
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    A dedicated soldier in the ranks of civilized Termina’s corps of Hylian
    soldiers, Shiro was ambushed by Garo in the Road to Ikana. I imagine he put up
    a terrific struggle, but was ultimately overwhelmed by the numbers and battle
    prowess of the ninja (who were in no way his brethren.) Or maybe he just fell
    down and hurt himself, but either way his injuries have prevented him from
    moving from his spot for a number of years. He sits invisibly in a ring of
    rocks at the junction between the road to Romani Ranch and the actual road to
    Ikana, yelling and calling for help and waving his arms to try and get
    somebody’s attention, all uselessly, although a nearby Gossip Stone does point
    him out. Eventually, Link pulls through with the Lens of Truth, notices him
    there, and moseys over for a chat. Startled that someone was kind enough to pay
    attention to him, Shiro then asks a further favour: If he’s ever gonna get out
    of this mess, he needs to revitalize his body and mind. He needs a Red Potion.
    When Link graciously offers him a swig, he receives the Stone Mask in return.
    Rocks on the ground, Shiro, and the Stone Mask are all equally interesting, so
    in such a disguise Link can wander around anywhere he pleases and no one even
    cares. It’s no Bunny Hood, but it certainly makes Gerudo’s Fortress less
    stressful. Sam Fisher, Solid Snake, Konohamaru and Ayame would be proud.
    S i l v a
    Up in the Air (Ag)
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    A Mogma who has been captured and suspended over lava. Link drains the
    dangerous substance and brings him back down to his beloved earth, earning
    himself the Mogma Mitts. Silva takes pride in his devilish hairstyle. He is
    Bronzi and Plats's older brother.
    S i m o n
    & Schuster
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    The precociously enterprising proprietor of Simon’s Simulations, this youngster
    will urge you to test your mettle against an array of enemies he’s prepared for
    all comers. If Link does as Simon says, he’ll have him take a nap in a snug cot
    inside the site, and, in a sequence of events straight out of Koholint Island’s
    Dream Shrine, he’ll seemingly awaken a moment later only to find himself under
    attack. This is the ‘simulations’ part of it. Even so Simon warns that he can’t
    guarantee the participant’s safety, and that they’d better stay sharp if they
    don’t want to actually die. Strangely, injuries sustained in the simulation
    will manifest themselves in the real world, while real-world scars and
    deformations keep their distance from the simulation, which is one piece of
    evidence some fans use to suggest that the real world is in fact just a second
    simulation stacked on top of the original to make its prisoners THINK they’ve
    escaped. Defeating the enemy onslaught will trigger a rude awakening and the
    appearance of a Heart Piece.
    S k i p p e r
    Hopscotch player
    Race: Robot
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Democracy be damned. A thousands years ago when the robots of Lanayru lived out
    their heyday, leaders weren't elected; they were manufactured. And I don't mean
    that in some kind of conspiracy theory way, I mean literally. Some units had
    additional programming that gave them superior decision-making and other
    relevant abilities, and their subordinates obeyed as a matter of course. It was
    like the Ottoman Empire or pre-Mao China. Skipper was one such 'leadership'
    model, and, in an application most likely not intended by his creators, he put
    those skills to use as a pirate captain.
    For many years he sailed the Lanayru Ocean, which is roughly ten metres deep at
    its deepest point and can be travelled end to end in about seven minutes, with
    his predispositionally loyal crew, using the surprisingly well-equipped
    Skipper's Outpost as their home base. We can probably assume that they mostly
    scoured the same stretch over and over again in search of any treasure resting
    on the bottom that they had somehow missed up to this point, but by the sounds
    of things a great deal of their time was also occupied with fighting off other
    pirates, who had a massive base of their own, which looked like a giant pirate
    ship being eaten by a slightly larger shark jutting out of the water. Nothing
    lasts in this world, however, and in spite of their fellow-thwarting efforts
    their ship was eventually commandeered by the dread pirate Scervo, apparently a
    rival of theirs. They were all left to rust, and that seemed to be the end of
    their glory days on the bounding main.
    And yet hundreds of years later, it's Link to the rescue! He comes across
    Skipper's scarred and pitted remains next to the hulk of a motorboat-looking
    thing whose Timestone not only powers its movement, but also transports the
    immediate area (to a radius of maybe fifteen feet) back to the ancient past.
    Interestingly, Skipper seems to recognize that he's in trouble if he strays
    beyond its influence, so perhaps he's aware that he's a man out of time. He
    explains his history and Link agrees to seek out the captured ship. In one of
    the game's cooler touches, as the boat moves forward water springs back into
    existence in front of it (receding behind it), so it can travel however far out
    it needs to. After pursuing several false leads in a waste of time that takes
    them to the shipyards, the aforementioned base, and Skipper's Landing, all of
    which are interesting in their own way, they finally find the sandship roaming
    around, and are able to catch up to and board it by slowing it with cannon fire.
    After many squabbles with Bokoblins and finally taking down Scervo himself,
    Link finally gets the Bow and uses the ship's giant crow's nest-mounted
    Timestone to restore the entire vessel to its glory days. He then goes to the
    brig and frees some captured crewmen before finally approaching the treasure
    room, at which point a giant monster appears and destroys much of the ship.
    After Link finally defeats it, in by far the longest boss battle of the entire
    game, Skipper and the gang are able to easily restore the ship thanks to the
    power of Nayru's Flame, for which the vessel served as a vessel. Link absorbs
    the flame and is on his way, and everybody dies happy.
    S k u l l  K i d  a n d  F r i e n d s
    Forest imp and his fairy companions
    Race: Skull Kid and fairies
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Skull Kid – Skull Kids were minor enemies from the Lost Woods in Ocarina of
    Time. Actually, enemies is a bad word, since they were only a nuisance as an
    adult and outright helpful as a child. Legend dictates that Hylian children or
    Kokiri who get lost in the Lost Woods turn into Skull Kids. There is one
    particular Skull Kid in the Lost Woods who befriends Link when he gives him the
    Skull Mask as part of the mask-trading game; possibly, this is the same Skull
    Kid from Majora’s Mask.
    At any rate, Skull Kid lived in Clock Town and Termina Field long before Link
    got there. No one liked him because he was always playing pranks on everyone
    and making mischief. He became very sad because he badly wanted friends, but no
    one even wanted to be seen talking to him. One day, however, he met Tatl and
    Tael, and they all got on quite well. He also soon met and befriended the Four
    Giants, the patron deities of Termina who resided in its cardinal directions
    and protected it from harm. However, he was still angry with society, and in an
    act of rebellion he stole Majora’s Mask from the Happy Mask Salesman. The mask
    quickly took over, transforming his mischievous nature into patent malevolence.
    He causes a great deal of pain for everyone in the land, imprisons the Four
    Giants, and, worst of all, sets the moon on a collision course that would
    destroy everything. Now we’re all wishing we’d never shunned him.
    We spy Skull Kid a couple of times around Clock Town, but we mostly see him in
    Termina’s final moments as he waits for all to be obliterated. Link eventually
    learns and plays the Oath to Order, halting the moon’s descent and forcing
    Majora’s Mask off Skull Kid. In the closing credits, we see that everyone has
    come around and realised Skull Kid is an okay guy after all.
    Tatl – Tatl serves as this game’s version of Navi, pointing things out,
    providing information and facilitating Z-Targeting. There are a few key
    differences, however. First and foremost, Tatl has way more dialogue and a lot
    more character. Whereas I described Navi as spunky, Tatl is sassy. She also
    serves as Link’s voice many times throughout the game, even having full
    conversations with certain individuals.
    She is also significantly younger than Navi and not quite as smart. She has a
    lot of good ideas, but her knowledge of enemies is sub-par, to say the least.
    ‘Just...hit it with your sword or something!’ indeed. Her means of getting your
    attention is also more subdued, and, some would say, less annoying – she merely
    dings instead of yelling ‘Hey!’ ‘Listen!’ ‘He-LOOOoo!’ ‘Watch out!’ or ‘Ploom!’
    As Navi is a pun on the word navigation, Tatl and Tael form the word
    tattle-tale. Plus, Tatl herself ‘tattles’ on enemies, in the same way that
    Goombella uses her Tattle move in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year-Door.
    Tael – Tael is a dark purple character to his older sister’s blinding white.
    While Tatl agrees to work with Link to restore the proper state of affairs,
    Tael sticks with Skull Kid, sycophantically following him around everywhere he
    goes, despite the abuse he takes. I’ll let you guess which one of the fairies
    made the better choice.
    There was also a Skull Kid in Twilight Princess that you had to chase around
    the woods as part of acquiring the Master Sword. OH MY GOD, was that ever
    annoying. At one point I lost sight of it and ended up running around aimlessly
    for like ten minutes trying to figure out which way it went, with stupid
    puppet-things falling on my head the entire time. They were frickin’
    relentless; they got on my nerves so much I actually started yelling at them.
    Then when you corner the Skull Kid, you have to play a stupid game of
    hide-and-snipe, which would have been fine if I hadn’t already been aggravated
    from the first half of the job. I hated that part of the game.
    S n o w p e o p l e
    Very happy souls
    Race: Snowpeople
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    When Tingle ventures out into the snowstorm he eventually encounters, he finds
    a family of snowmen, -women and -children arrayed about the area. Quite
    sentient, they are happy to spare a line of dialogue, and a few even have items
    of their person that have blown away and which they wish him to retrieve. That
    said, they are rooted to the spot too far away from each other to possibly
    communicate ever.
    S o a l
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    A sort of Dickensian kid who hangs around the Hyrule Castle Town market square
    trying to scrape together enough to get by, Soal will shine Link’s boots for 10
    Rupees, allowing him to enter Chudley’s Fine Goods and Fancy Trinkets Emporium,
    from which the doorman will turn him away if his shoes run unshined and in
    front of which Soal coincidentally sits.
    S o k r a
    K K Slider’s blood brother
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Oracle of Seasons
    A wandering minstrel, Sokra appears every so often to wax poetic on Holodrum’s
    current state of affairs. In that sense, he’s one of the few people who’s
    ‘plugged in’ to the real story (that is, Onox) behind the rapidly shifting
    seasons. He shows up a few times in the early going to keep Link in the know,
    but after that he just hangs out in Horon Village and prepares an elegy for
    Holodrum. Something about the guitar, the robes, the sunglasses, and the shaved
    head makes me think he’s something referential, like the Blues Brothers or
    something, but I can’t place it.
    S o r c e r e s s  V e r a n
    Barely ever casts any spells
    Race: Hylian? Possibly demon... I’ve also heard Gerudo but I doubt it
    Appearances: Oracle of Ages
    Ganondorf has always coveted Hyrule, because if he ever got it fully under his
    control, he would effectively have the whole universe in his grasp. Veran had
    similar dreams of domination but, being a much less powerful magician, confined
    herself to the comparatively inconsequential Labrynna, a land well known for
    its long and storied history. In particular, it is remembered for a critical
    turning point 400 years ago, when it really began to prosper and grow.
    As Din was the steward of Holodrum, Nayru, the Oracle of Ages, assumed a
    similar role in Labrynna. Veran planned out exactly how to use Nayru’s
    time-travelling abilities to wreak havoc on the land, and used her own powers
    of possession to do it. After first possessing Impa and using this form to
    trick Link into allowing her access to Nayru, she quickly took control of Nayru
    and used this position to travel 400 years into the past, to that time of
    looming prosperity. Acting quickly, Veran began making alterations to that
    time, and, now in the body of Ambi, Queen of Labrynna, forced the people to
    fortify her newfound position and stands poised to take over.
    Unfortunately for Veran, she has the likes of Nayru (now released; Veran can
    possess only one individual at a time), Ralph, Impa, and Link working against
    her, not to mention every ally of theirs, such as the monkeys, the Great
    Fairies, etc. With such odds against her, only her trickery could save her,
    which she employed to great effect...but not enough. She encountered Link
    several times as she strove to take over completely, and was defeated each
    time. In the end, even as True Veran, her ultimate form, she was unable to
    overcome the Hero of Hyrule, and the timeline was set right.
    Link found out later on that she was really working as an agent of Koume and
    Kotake, the Gerudo sisters hellbent on reviving their surrogate son, but
    luckily he was able to overcome that difficulty as well, so it’s all good.
    S p a r r o t
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Somebody yanked Sparrot right out of the 70s and installed him into Skyward
    Sword's fortune-telling booth. For the extremely reasonable fee of 10 Rupees,
    Sparrot will gaze into his crystal ball and give you advice on either your next
    destination or where to locate treasures you might need. Apparently, his
    ability to do so comes from his deep, unnerving, overly blue eyes. Eventually
    he somehow drops his crystal ball off the side of Skyloft, but Link gathers
    another one from the ornamental Earth Temple entrance and everything is great,
    Sparrot goes back to work and Link gets a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals.
    S p i r i t s  o f  G o o d
    Nobody really knows
    Race: Lesser deities
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    Sort of the counterparts to the Spirits of Power, Wisdom and Courage from
    Phantom Hourglass (who are up next) and the patron deities of Hyrule Nouveau,
    the Spirits of Good are described in only the vaguest terms possible.
    Apparently they were responsible for originally locking Malladus away, and
    maybe their influence can be felt during the events of Spirit Tracks or
    something. That’s about all we get. By the way, in my opinion all ‘spirits’ are
    good, if you catch my drift.
    S p i r i t s  o f  P o w e r,  W i s d o m,  a n d  C o u r a g e
    Race: Fairies...and perhaps lesser deities
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    This trio apparently serves to assist the Ocean King in his day-to-day
    functions, which I imagine involves repelling evil, regulating the sea
    currents, answering the occasional prayer, and that sort of thing. To that end,
    although insignificant in the grand scheme of things their powers are quite
    substantial unto themselves, so they really have a lot to work with. Even so,
    they were powerless when Bellum roared onto the scene seemingly out of nowhere,
    knocked the Ocean King into next week, and then moved on to them.
    Ciela, the Spirit of Courage and strongest or at least most intelligent of the
    three, managed not to get captured but had her powers and memories rent from
    her very body. Although kind of useless as a deity now, she was still an
    extremely useful agent to the broken shell that the Ocean King had become, and
    partly for that reason (but mainly because of his compassion) he kept her safe
    by his side. Anyway, that’s not important, you can read about all the cool
    stuff Ciela does in her profile. While she was hanging with Uncle Oshus, Leaf,
    Spirit of Power (coloured red because of the Power affiliation in spite of
    being named Leaf), and Neri, Spirit of Wisdom (blue, of course...Ciela, perhaps
    signifying the loss of her power, is white instead of green) both got thrown
    into dungeons, to be guarded by vicious boss monsters.
    In grave danger himself and seeing his realm falling farther and farther into
    darkness every day, the Ocean King realises he needs allies, and, on a chance
    encounter, manages to rope Link into saving the world again, though all he was
    planning on doing was rescuing Zelda. The Ocean King figures that a good place
    to start is to gather his allies around him once more, and so he sends Link on
    a quest to collect the three Spirits. After a little bit, Link collects the
    first two (whom he keeps in his bag, like everything else) and then restores
    Ciela. Leaf and Neri, and Ciela, are all capable of opening a specific door in
    the Temple of the Ocean King, a reasonable security measure on his part. After
    that, Leaf and Neri don’t do much, but can power up Link’s attack or defence,
    respectively, with the help of Spirit Gems he collects. All three, of course,
    stay with the Ocean King when Link leaves at the end of the game.
    S t o c k w e l l
    Constitutional reformer
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    Owner of Hyrule Castle Town’s supply depot, Stockwell sells various expendable
    items as well as more interesting ones, like Wallet upgrades. He is always seen
    working feverishly on some damn thing or another, apparently like paperwork or
    an abacus or something. As a result, his dog Fifi (grhghrrr
    must...not...wretch) says that he never has time to feed it, so, in a fit of
    temporary insanity, Link decides to help it, requiring him to run to Mama’s
    Cafe, shrink himself down, walk the plank between the two buildngs’ chimneys,
    and slip behind Stockwell’s counter, where he has set down a Bottle of its food
    and forgotten about it. Link grabs the food and gives it to the rank beast,
    after which a grateful Stockwell lets him keep the Empty Bottle for his own
    use, and in response, Link immediately scours it for 24 hours straight.
    Stockwell’s design is sort of interesting, as he sports an undersized hat, a
    prehensile moustache, onion-like nose, inquisitive glasses, and what appears to
    be some kind of take-off on traditional Chinese dress, maybe. He’s also quite
    kindly and always cordial and respectful, especially when customers are around.
    Although he works in Hyrule Castle Town, he lives in a small house near Lake
    Hylia. Townspeople call him Stockwell the well-stocked, how clever.
    Stockwell either bears an incredible resemblance to the shopkeeper from the
    Oracle saga, or is the same person. In these games he owns the town tool shop
    where he sells both common and rare items, and sells the series’s first form of
    membership card. Later, he runs a treasure chest mini-game in the basement,
    where you are made to choose one of two treasure chests, one of which is empty;
    if you choose correctly three times in a row, you win a rare something, usually
    a ring. Following this, you can either keep what you won (without really
    knowing what it is, since it hasn’t been appraised yet) or wager it
    double-or-nothing style for a shot at a better prize.
    S t u r g e o n  a n d  O r c a
    Super Sword Bros
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
                 The Minish Cap
    You might not think it by looking at them, but in their younger days brothers
    Sturgeon and Orca sailed the bounding main together on a quest to gather
    Knight’s Crests. Their goal of gathering ten such items took them many years of
    hard work and long hours of careful sword practise. They honed their skills
    against each other and then tested them against increasingly stronger monsters.
    In the end, Orca was injured so badly that he was no longer able to fight
    properly with a sword. They had accomplished their dream, though, so the two
    returned to their home of Outset Island and built a house together. Sturgeon
    took the top floor while Orca stayed on the bottom. It is of questionable
    wisdom that the less-fit brother is required to climb a ladder to enter his
    home, but there you have it.
    After coming home, Sturgeon married and had a daughter named Sue-Belle. He soon
    became a widower, however. His daughter had moved to Windfall Island but
    eventually returns to live with her father, worried about his ailing health.
    Sturgeon has an abnormally high IQ and a very large head. He has words of
    wisdom posted on his walls, and he is quite happy to impart a little knowledge
    to Link if he asks. Sturgeon greatly enjoys standing on his balcony and looking
    out to sea, which calms his addled nerves. Alas, he is frequently interrupted
    by Orca’s body slamming the wall downstairs, which often ends up shattering
    priceless vases.
    Orca can no longer fight with a sword, but he still maintains his daily
    training with a spear. He once wielded a giant sword (that he now keeps on his
    wall), so you know he must have been good – and he is quite willing to take
    Link on as his pupil. Every sword technique Link can learn comes from Orca.
    When he sees that Link has come so far as to have collected ten Knight’s Crests
    of his own, Orca cries tears of unbridled joy. Late in the game, Link can
    challenge Orca to a sparring match in which he must hit Orca 999 times before
    Orca hits him 3 times. If he wins, Orca will say that Link has surpassed him
    and will call him Master from then on.
    When you win, he has this to say: ‘My arms are sore! Is your left index finger
    not sore?’ After twenty minutes of L-Targeting, you bet it was. I laughed out
    loud when that happened.
    Sturgeon was a librarian in The Minish Cap, I guess because of his love of all
    things related to study and the acquisition of knowledge. He balances books on
    his head. I probably don't need to tell you this, but sturgeon is a type of
    fish and orca is a type of whale, fitting Waker's seagoing theme.
    S u e  -  B e l l e
    Filial obligation and all
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Sue-Belle is the pinkclad, purple-haired girl on Outset Island who walks around
    with the vase on her head. I’ve heard both that she is Sturgeon’s granddaughter
    and her daughter; the former is more likely, the latter more interesting.
    Either way, she formerly lived on Windfall Island - which is where she met her
    best friend, Linda, to whom she gave the girl her signature orange dress,
    perhaps as a parting gift – before moving in with Sturgeon to see to his
    declining health. As such, she spends every second of her spare time carrying
    fresh water from the trough to the house, a task she supposedly gets a great
    deal of satisfaction from, which is more than a little weird of her. If you
    manage to break her vase, by, say, shooting it, she’ll scream at you and force
    you to compensate her for the cost, which is not at all weird of her.
    S w e e t i e
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Four Swords Adventures
    As the Links enter the Village of the Blue Maiden, they find it in crisis:
    Among other things, a political power vacuum has left the people leaderless, a
    Manhandla lurks just beyond its gates, and the lineups are too long. Worse, its
    cutest couple is fighting, and the young man in the relationship has been
    trapped in the Dark World! In a floating house, no less. All is not lost for
    the power couple, however, as both the wayward boy and his lover Sweetie have
    had some time to cool off, and of course now they just want to see each other
    again. Sweetie's boyfriend scrawls out an apology, which one of the Links
    delivers before reuniting the pair. :)
    T e a c h e r
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Spirit Tracks
    Princess Zelda’s elderly personal tutor and a minor administrator, Teacher’s
    main role is as ceremonial figurehead and go-to guy for any miscellaneous
    official duties that need attending to. Despite the nonexistent glamour of his
    work, however, he actually manages to show a little initiative. After having
    gotten over his paralysing shock following Zelda’s apparent disappearance and
    subsequently refusing to believe Link’s possession explanation, he contemplates
    deploying the Royal Guard to search for her (but decides against it due to the
    panic it would cause), proving that he has both authority and enterprise. A
    little later on, he goes as far as to disguise himself - badly, as his large
    nose and oversized spectacles give him away at once - and attempt to look for
    the Princess himself. Despite Zelda’s protests, Link gives him a lift to
    whatever random place Teacher decides she might inexplicably be, and receives a
    small reward for his help, the highest one being 300 Rupees for a flawlessly
    smooth ride. His assurance that he has some money he can give you in exchange
    for your services implies that he’s actually looking for Zelda on his own
    paycheque or has access to an expense account, further evidence that he’s an
    all-around good, reliable guy. Sometime after your delivery, you can actually
    find him somewhere else, showing that he managed to catch a lift with someone
    else as well, yet more proof of his resourcefulness. Although a little inept
    and somewhat absentminded, it’s clear that Teacher does a little more than draw
    pictures of flowers on his notepad all day.
    T e d d y  T o d o
    Hip Drop-tastic!
    Race: Unknown
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Tingle first encounters Teddy Todo early in the Hero's Shrine, the game's first
    dungeon. Possibly based in American hip-hop, he goes shirtless, but does wear a
    gold medallion and a toque pulled over his eyes; he's quite hefty, bears a club
    and shield, and has rather large lips. He's searching for something, and hey,
    so is Tingle, so he suggests they join forces, teaching Tingle the principles
    of forging bodyguard contracts in the process. They reach an agreement and the
    two head off. The green giant quickly demonstrates his worth, not only proving
    quite reliable in a fight but also finding himself necessary for solving a
    number of puzzles. (Hilariously, he breaks out a boom box, pushes a button and
    plays the Zelda 'found secret' tune when they solve one.) His knowledge of
    dungeon-busting and the world in general comes in handy as well, and before
    long the two have made it through the labyrinth. Teddy failed to find what he
    was looking for, but it was worth a shot. He gets stuck on the way out,
    requiring a little Rupee-powered strength augmentation to fuel his freedom. He
    then takes off to continue his search.
    He is not seen again until halfway through the next continent, when Tingle
    happens to meet him in another dungeon, the Insect Cave this time. They forge a
    new contract (annoyingly dispelling any you may have already had in progress
    with another bodyguard) and proceed to relive old times. Soon enough, he
    locates what he's been searching for all this time: The Mini Death Bug
    Chrysalis, which he immediately eats. At once, his skin changes from green to a
    dark yellow, and his stats almost triple, making him a force to be reckoned
    with for the remainder of the dungeon. Afterwards, he heads out again, and from
    this point on becomes a Drifter Bodyguard, encountered randomly and with a
    hefty fee to match his exceptional stats.
    There's one more thing you can do complete his storyline. Near the top of Mt
    Desma resides a powerful demon-god called Baron, who will taunt you to try and
    beat him within a single dust cloud. This task is impossible for Tingle alone,
    or even with most bodyguards; contrary to popular belief, Yamori and Ronny can
    do it too, but it's best to go in with Teddy Todo, who will subsequently reveal
    that Baron killed his father, and that revenge motivated all his actions up to
    this point. As he exits Baron's lair, he leaves a flower in memoriam.
    T e l m a
    Busty barmaid
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    This kind, middle-aged lady runs Telma’s Bar in South Castle Town. Link doesn’t
    go there for the food or even the alcohol, though. In reality, the bar is
    really just a front for a secret resistance movement opposing the evil
    influence that has spread across Hyrule. There’s even a secret underground
    passage between the bar and the Hyrule Castle sewers. The number of active
    members is quite small, but they do their best.
    Telma – Telma runs the movement; I guess you could say she acts as controller
    for the operatives. She takes in Ilia when she finds her stumbling around in an
    amnesiac state. She also briefly cares for Prince Ralis when he collapses in
    front of her bar. When Link escorts Ralis and Ilia to Kakariko, Telma drives
    the waggon, keeping her cool even under pressure.
    Auru – Auru studies the desert from the safe distance of Lake Hylia. When Link
    confronts him, we find out he’s an old friend of Fyer, who agrees to fire Link
    into the desert from his special cannon. This allows him to enter the ancient
    prison, the Arbiter’s Grounds.
    Ashei – A young woman who is a good friend to the Zora people, Ashei
    investigates when a yeti starts rampaging through their territory. She helps
    Link figure out that he needs to learn the Reekfish scent, allowing him access
    to Snowpeak Ruins.
    Rusl – Link’s sword instructor from Ordon Village, husband of Uli and father of
    Colin. He takes a beating when the Bokoblin gang raids the village, but begins
    scouring Hyrule for the children as soon as he’s recovered. We don’t see him
    again until much later, when he summons a Golden Cucco to help us reach the
    Temple of Time.
    Shad - A seriously devoted scholar who studies the ancient Sky People (or as we
    know them, the Oocca.) He is responsible for us restoring power to the Dominion
    Rod and thus finding the giant cannon necessary to get us to the City in the
    These four finally show up all in the same place – Telma’s Bar, at their usual
    spot – towards the end, and halfway through the Hyrule Castle dungeon they save
    us the trouble of what would have been a moderately difficult fight.
    Unbeknownst to Telma, her cat Louise is also a member of the movement.
    T e t r a ’ s  C r e w
    Scurvy sea dogs
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
                 Phantom Hourglass
                 Spirit Tracks
    Tetra and her pirates sail all across the Great Sea in search of treasure,
    romance, and adventure. Every crewmember is assigned a specific task and
    perfects it. Together, the crew works like a somewhat well oiled machine.
    Tetra – Technically the captain, the pirates address her as Miss. Their last
    Miss, Tetra’s mother, died young, which is how Tetra became Miss at only
    twelve. Though not aware of her true identity until later, Tetra still knows
    much of the lore of Hyrule, and she searches constantly for the shards of the
    Triforce. Her mother left her a magical gem that she gives Link to communicate
    with him, temporarily functioning as that game’s Navi; King of Red Lions took
    over after the Forsaken Fortress mission, able to use it since he too is of the
    Hylian Royal Family.
    Hylian Royal Family? Yeah, she’s actually Princess Zelda. Read more about her
    in that profile if you so fancy. (Her PH info is located there, too. Lazy
    though it may be, I try to cut down on redundancy where I can.)
    Gonzo – A big burly guy who says his favourite thing is Miss Tetra, Gonzo is
    her second-in-command and takes over for her when she’s not around. He’s the
    one with the green shirt and tattoo. He is responsible for keeping the crew
    Senza – Or maybe that’s Senza’s job, in addition to negotiating. He’s the one
    with the beard and copious chest hair. His persuasive skills are said to be
    unmatched, and he is the crew’s mild-mannered, de facto diplomat.
    Nudge – The guy wearing the purple shirt, Nudge is the strongest of the pirates
    and the one who understands Tetra the best. He operates the ship’s cannon
    (cannon, in the plural.)
    Zuko – The telescope-toting lookout spends most of his time in the Crow’s Nest,
    shouting out what he sees to whoever’s on bridge. Unfortunately, they have a
    hard time understanding him, to their occasional detriment.
    Mako – Resembling Professor Ouyama from the Mario series, Mako is a walking
    encyclopaedia. He always carries around a thick Book of Stuff, in which he
    actually hides a knife. He’s quite deceptive, unstoppable when mad and has
    sharp eyesight due to his glasses.
    Niko – As the youngest and newest member of the crew, Niko gets stuck with all
    the jobs nobody else wants to do, much to his chagrin. Still, he shows pirate
    potential if he can curb his reckless nature. He runs a rope-swinging game
    below decks.
    Oddly, only Niko is seen in Phantom Hourglass, and only in the intro, when he
    recaps TWW for us. Weirdly enough, he is then further seen in Spirit Tracks,
    where he recaps events that nobody ever witnessed because they’re backstory
    rather than merely another game, and which took place sometime after PH’s end -
    100 years prior to the beginning of ST! As the only surviving character from
    the TWW-PH era besides Beedle (...), Niko subsequently becomes a fairly
    important minor character herein, almost to the point of deserving his own
    profile. Almost. He also hands out one of the game’s cooler side-quests, which
    has you travelling the lands collecting stamps for him (a possible throwback to
    Tetra’s Trackers, funny enough). After you’ve collected a few, he’ll reward you
    with TWW Link’s shield, your own Engineer’s Clothes that you had at the start
    of the game, and, finally, the Great Spin Attack.
    T h r e e  D r a g o n s
    Synectoce serpents
    Race: Lesser Deities
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    The Goddess left all kinds of junk lying around when she departed the world of
    Skyward Sword, and 90% of it was specifically for Link's use. She bequeathed
    unto him weapons, tools, instructions, secret songs with magical melodies, an
    entire building, statues with the power to propel him back into the sky, wall
    carvings that he may engage to make items appear from out of nowhere, and a
    spirit guide to accompany him on every step of his journey. Not willing to
    leave anything to chance, she also left behind three powerful creatures to act
    as overwatch and ensure that nothing too catastrophic transpired in the
    intervening centuries. Each is several stories tall, has a stream of colour
    flowing down their front in accordance with the element they represent, wears
    clothes whose colours accord to same, and has vaguely human facial features.
    Gorko mentions them partway through, but it doesn't pay off for quite some
    time. Late in his adventure, Link is required to visit all three and order them
    to the heavens to meet with Levias, where each of the four was to accompany
    Link on his Goddess Harp so that he might learn the tune needed to open the
    final Silent Realm.
    Faron – When Link conquers the first of the Silent Realms the Goddess left
    behind to test him, he wins the first of her sacred treasures, a scale from
    Faron, the Water Dragon. He uses this, and the help of one of her subjects, to
    enter Faron's throne room in Lake Floria, for which she scolds him. He then
    asks for permission to enter the Ancient Cistern, and she says she'll help if
    he can heal the injuries she sustained at the hands of Ghirahim. This
    necessitates an irritating trip back through the entire Forest Temple, with
    extra stuff added at parts to mix things up, in order to get some sacred water
    found at the spring within its depths. Thus healed, Faron shows him the way
    into the next dungeon. Later, Link requires a ton of water to douse the flames
    blocking the entrance to the Fire Sanctuary, and, with Scrapper's help, borrows
    the basin in which she had recuperated. She specifically asks him to return it
    when he's done, and he never does, which kind of serves her right for all the
    attitude she's been giving us. Her final act in the story comes when she
    decides she's 'tired' of all the monsters who have overrun Faron Woods and, in
    an incredible act of hubris, drowns the entire area, stranding the Kikwis on
    lily pads and leaving people everywhere extremely confused. When confronted
    inside the Deku Tree, she agrees that her actions might have been a little
    extreme, but then goes on to refuse to teach Link the song component he needs
    until he undergoes a completely arbitrary challenge. She releases squads of
    little creatures called Taptones into the water, in groups ranging from one to
    about ten. Each individual makes a tone when collected, and each group
    represents one section (beat? riff? I can't read music) of the part. And as an
    aside, they apparently oxidize water within their bodies. This part is pretty
    fun so maybe we can forgive Faron of her haughtiness just this once, but on the
    whole, she's kind of snide and prissy, not only spitting in Link's face in
    spite of all the hard work he's done, but spitting in the face of Hylia herself
    by contravening her clear instructions to help the chosen hero.
    Eldin – Out of the three, Eldin is by far the one we see the least of. Bright
    red, wearing a sort of Asian coat and bearing a hearty moustache, he resides in
    a part of Eldin Volcano that remains inaccessible until the exact moment we
    need to see him. The polar opposite of Faron, he's quite friendly, sympathizes
    with our plight and immediately teaches us his part of the song when we ask.
    Lanayru – When we find Lanayru he's dead, which is a problem. Actually he's a
    pile of bones lying in the desert, which is unnerving and cool at the same
    time. But thanks to the miracles of technology, we can revive him! Or at least
    send the area around him a thousand years into the past, where he is still in
    the process of dying but hasn't quite finished up just yet. He's ready to give
    up, but the robots living around him, distraught, have been trying to grow a
    fruit that will cure him if he eats it. Unfortunately, it takes forever, so
    shifting the area back to its lush green days won't work, and it doesn't grow
    well in the desert, so even though it was planned forever ago it still hasn't
    matured in the present day. The somewhat convoluted solution to this convoluted
    problem is to send the area back to the ancient past, take the sapling, take it
    to the ancient past of the Sealed Temple and plant it there (or should I say
    then), and finally return to the present to harvest the now-ready fruit. With
    one bite, Lanayru is back to full strength, and ready to do his part for the
    hero! However, if you deactivate the nearby Timestone again, he disappears –
    what, he went somehow between then and now or something? After the quintet
    performance, he opens up a Boss Rush and a Silent Realm time attack. Boss Rush
    will get you a Piece of Heart and the unbreakable Hylian Shield, which is good,
    because shield durability was a stupid idea in the first place.
    And yes, they do share their names with some lesser gods of Twilight Princess,
    and yes, that is a little problematic for the purposes of this guide.
    T i n g l e
    General annoyance
    Race: Hylian, despite his best efforts
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
                 Oracle of Seasons
                 Oracle of Ages
                 The Wind Waker
                 Four Swords Adventures
                 The Minish Cap
                 Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
                 Chinkuru no Baruun Faito
                 Irozuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    To be honest, I’m having trouble figuring out what to say about Tingle. I
    probably shouldn’t spend any more time on him than I have to, considering that
    so many people hate him on principle. Ok, let’s try: He’s a 35-year-old man who
    is obsessed with collecting Rupees and lives under the belief that he is a
    fairy. He wears an odd green suit and is tiny. His father, the guy who runs the
    Pictograph Contest in Southern Swamp, really wishes he would act his age. You
    will also note that though he originated in a parallel universe, he has hopped
    the gap to ‘real’ Hyrule, and has transcended time by appearing in games that
    are hundreds of years apart from one another (though neither of these last two
    traits are unique to Tingle, because all Zelda stories are more or less
    self-contained, except the direct sequels.)
    In Majora’s Mask, he is often found drawing maps from a high vantage point – by
    which I mean he inflates a big red balloon, affixes it to his back, and floats
    high into the air, waiting for someone to knock him down so he can sell his
    wares. This was where he introduced his magic words: ‘Tingle! Tingle!
    Kooloo-limpah!’ If you're still reading after that, I'm guessing there's
    nothing that'll turn you away.
    In the Oracle saga, he again waited for people to knock him down, at which
    point he would offer up a Quest Item or a map of some sort. He played a more
    active role in The Wind Waker, when Link, after rescuing him from the Windfall
    Island Prison, could use the Tingle Tuner to summon him. A second player (or,
    if you’re like me, the first one) could then control Tingle via a GBA and
    GCN-GBA Link Cable. This had a few interesting uses - all of which cost Rupees
    - such as dropping Tingle Bombs with tactical precision, hovering with the
    Tingle Balloon, buying Potions at a buy-anywhere store or offering vague hints.
    The Tingle Tuner was the only way to collect the five statues of Tingle in
    various poses, which served no real purpose. Located near the centre of the
    Great Sea was Tingle Island, a small island with a tall totem-pole tower, with
    Tingle’s head as the top totem. Here, he forced Ankle and David Jr to do slave
    labour for him, keeping Tingle Tower in its constant spinning motion. Tingle’s
    most important task was to decipher the Triforce Charts in exchange for
    outrageous amounts of Rupees.
    He is much less helpful in Four Swords Adventures. Since Force Gems replaced
    Rupees from the original FS, he’s now collecting those, too. The Links
    encounter Tingle trapped under a rock under a bridge. After that, any time they
    spend too long in one area, a horde of Tingles will swoop in, scoop up all the
    unclaimed Force Gems, and even steal a bunch from those unlucky enough not to
    find cover.
    Lastly, in The Minish Cap he and his three partners in crime wait at the tops
    of ledges to fuse Kinstones with Link. Fusing enough Kinstones with all of them
    enough times will open up the way to excellent prizes, like the Magic Boomerang.
    Tingle also appeared in his own RPG (of sorts), Mogitate Chinkuru no Bairairo
    Rupiirando – that is, Freshly Picked Tingle’s Rose-Coloured Rupee Land by most
    translations. Tingle is a fairly popular character in Japan, which is how he
    landed this gig. It’s basically his origin story; rather than trying to make
    sense of a bundle of bizarreness that amounts to a joke character anyway, the
    game doesn’t even bother trying to make much sense. The entire quest revolves
    around Tingle’s search for Rupees; while Link could hold an impressive 10,000
    in The Wind Waker, Tingle’s wallet was even bigger. Rupees are his lifeblood in
    more ways than one; not only does Tingle die if he runs out, but everything,
    everything revolves around managing his fundage. Tingle is apparently still
    operating under the belief that if he collects enough Rupees, Rupiiji will let
    him into a fairy realm, which explains his obsessive behaviour in other games.
    He also takes the title role in Chinkuru no Baruun Faito or Tinkle’s Balloon
    Fight, but I don’t even know if we can count that as being anything at all.
    Irozuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu (Ripening Tingle’s Balloon Trip of
    Romantic Love by my translation) sees him as a regular, real-world type guy who
    gets sucked into a storybook. It's filled with Wizard of Oz references and
    tracks his journey down a road paved with yellow bricks. He acquires three
    companions named Kakashi, Buriki, and Raion, each of whom contributes interest
    and unique abilities. A secondary goal is to make various girls fall in love
    with him.
    By the way, Tingle was intentionally made a little bit in the image of Kondo
    Koji, who heads Nintendo’s Sound Division and is responsible for composing some
    of the best music in gaming, including Zelda’s.
    T i n g l e ' s  U n c l e
    Presumably on his mother's side
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    As if the game didn't have enough people breathing their demands for money down
    your neck, Tingle's Uncle shows up out of absolutely freaking nowhere hoping to
    cash in on a slice of your success. His deal is never explained ever, but he
    shows up at the foot of Tingle's Tower once you've recovered the Master Rupee,
    suggesting that maybe you're meant to encounter him just before you face the
    final boss (though in my case, I still had a lot left to do when this happened,
    so the impact was kind of reduced). Moustachioed and clad in a white Tingle
    suit, Tingle's Uncle is, like many in Rosy Rupeeland, refreshingly transparent
    about his intentions, although it is a little bit worse considering that this
    is probably one of Tingle's relatives who never showed any interest in him
    until he came into a bit of money, and now here he is assuming he's entitled to
    some. On the bright side, instead of merely soliciting he at least offers to
    sell you the stupidly expensive Staff Roll, which I was only too happy to buy
    in pursuit of doing everything but never did discover the purpose of. Probably
    lets you view the credits.
    T o m a t o  S c a r e c r o w
    Vigilant vegetable vanguard
    Race: Old clothes filled with stuffing and other materials off the floor
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Not really a character in any way at all except for the fact that he kind of
    wiggles when you tap him with the stylus, Tomato Scarecrow serves double duty
    as a Lon Lon Meadow landmark and the defender of a crop of tomatoes.
    T o r i m u s h i
    Bug Catcher
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    I'm not repeating a joke, that's the literal translation of his name. Torimushi
    is a very old man living in Aomono Village, and he's been all but incapacitated
    by the heat. What he needs is his large floppy straw hat, which rode a breeze
    right out the front of the village and into the high boughs of a tree.
    Fortunately, Masaru is able to retrieve it, which gives us the opportunity to
    later help Torimushi to catch a big butterfly. In spite of his hobby giving him
    his very name, he's pretty terrible at it, so actually he pretty much just gets
    us to do it for him. He then lets us keep our prey when he realises it's not
    what he was looking for. In a stroke of luck, it turns out to be the
    Zekkouchou, which we need to grow the Gasoringo. If you come back at night you
    can help him catch another bug he doesn't want.
    T o t t
    Tricky Disco
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    Definitely one of the more stylish characters in the Zeldaverse, Tott dresses
    in a white Elvisesque jumpsuit to whose arms he has affixed a number of
    trailing tassles, the purpose of which is to increase the visual appeal and
    sense of motion when he goes all Saturday Night Fever, something at which he is
    going all-out at every hour of the day or night. He can be found on a nice
    little extruding stretch of Windfall Island that overlooks the sea, following
    the instructions written on a headstone in a desperate attempt to perform the
    Song of Passing. What he doesn’t realise is that what he actually needs is the
    Wind Waker, not enthusiasm. Bummer. He is only further inspired by Link’s
    demonstration of batonmanship, and never does give up trying to give the world
    the time of day.
    T r i l l
    Homeru ka? Ren wo homeru ka? =^_^=
    Race: Parrot
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    The final member of the trio of all-in-the-family parrots, Trill is apparently
    the beloved pet of (last one left) Coro, with whom he shares a hairstyle. The
    Zeldaverse contains a surprising amount of afros, really.
    A colourful and streetwise salesman, Trill sets up shop in Ordon Woods just
    outside the first dungeon, where he sells Potions and Lantern Oil. The setup is
    kind of interesting, as he has you deposit Rupees into a basket at the far end
    of his stall, which act gives you credit with which to buy the liquids on
    offer. This system naturally makes it very simple to steal from Plumm, since
    you can easily swipe some fluid without paying first, but, like the shopkeeper
    from Link’s Awakening, Trill will you attack you upon your next meeting if you
    try it. Unlike the Mabe Village shopkeeper, however, Trill offers you an
    opportunity to redeem yourself: Simply paying up later with a sincere apology
    will smooth any ruffled feathers.
    Trill also very definitely attacks Bokoblins that near his stall, which is just
    plain cool, although mainly he asks Link to take care of the mob, and is
    suitably impressed when he does. However, he also harbours a secret pain,
    believing that he didn’t get enough praise growing up, and that it still
    affects him to this day.
    And, it has to be said, Trill and Plumm share the
    consonant-consonant-vowel-doubleconsonsant schwerve. Mhmm, schwerve! I had to
    make that sentence less inane SOMEHOW.
    T u b e r t
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    While most Mogma make their fortunes by setting out into the great unknown and
    laying claim to whatever treasure they may be lucky and savvy enough to
    uncover, Tubert has determined that he would be much better off serving other
    treasure hunters instead. Somehow, this has led him to open Thrill Drigger, a
    Minesweeperesque minigame in which a stretch of earth is separated into a
    number of squares, each of which conceals either a Rupee of varying colour, a
    Rupoor, or a Bomb.
    Picking a square with a Rupee or Rupoor will gain or lose you the corresponding
    number of Rupees, but uncovering a Bomb will end the game immediately. Bombs
    and Rupoors gather in greater numbers near more valuable Rupees, so there is
    some strategy involved. You also get an additional reward if you manage to get
    to the point of having only Rupoors and Bombs remaining, because that requires
    monumental luck – although really the whole game does. There are three
    difficulty levels, and the Expert course does sometimes include up to three
    Gold Rupees in a single game (and I once got all three), and frequently
    features Silvers, but much more often goes no higher than a single Red Rupee
    with the rest being Blue. On the whole, Thrill Digger's payout is not that high.
    Stupidly, hitting a Bomb will actually cause you to take a heart of damage,
    forcing you to waste time sitting on a stool while your health regenerates. As
    you do so, Tubert will take the time to talk about himself, mainly how he's a
    Mogma who gave up treasure-hunting in favour of Thrill Digger, and how he
    always sits on his tail rather than his feet because, like Galina Argounova,
    his claws are his best feature and he likes to show them off. Unlike the other
    Mogma, who are named after metals, he seems to be named after potatoes, I guess
    because of the whole digging thing.
    T y t o
    Radio-controlled car (Ti)
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    Tyto must be an expert in clothing, as not only does he wear a fashionable knit
    cap like you see atop the heads of skaters and the like, but he also foists the
    Digging Mitts upon you as thanks for saving him from a band of Bokoblins.
    U l i
    4chan’s darling
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    An Ordon Village belle, Uli is an extremely loving and supportive young wife
    and mother. I realise that anybody whose husband was injured in battle would
    doubtlessly tend to his wounds with all the dedication they had in them, but
    that doesn’t make her tender bedside care any less sweet following Rusl’s
    valiant attempt to chase off King Bulblin and his lackeys. In fact, it may well
    have been that her fatal kindness caused her to coddle Colin, resulting in his
    present introversion and lack of self-confidence. She has another child as
    well, a baby girl, who is kidnapped by a monkey a few minutes prior to the
    game, with many animals in Hyrule and its surrounding areas being upset by the
    sudden twilight-fuelled imbalance and Zant’s dark doings; Link manages to
    recover the cradle and return her charge to her. She spends the entire game
    preggo, ultimately giving birth to her third child in the end credits (which is
    not to say that there were ever opening credits.)
    U n c l e  R u p e e
    Some old guy
    Race: I think Hylian
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
    Uncle Rupee kick-starts Rosy Rupeeland by offering Tingle the chance to enter a
    paradisial realm of happiness and sunshine. If he can merely accrue hundreds of
    thousands of Rupees, his dreams will come true! Tingle, bored by his
    middle-aged life, is more than happy to take on this exciting new challenge. To
    help him accomplish what would be an otherwise impossible quest, Uncle Rupee
    gives Tingle a magical suit, specifically the one for which he is so
    well-known. At once menacing and amusing, he turns out to be a great villain.
    After you've made a decent donation, the spring in which Uncle Rupee appears to
    you begins to grow into the massive Tingle Tower. Each time you reach a certain
    threshold, it grows further and you'll have another audience with the big man.
    The first time we meet him, Uncle Rupee is little more than a polite old guy
    wearing stylin' old guy clothes, although he's very tall, has an exquisite
    moustache, and has a head the size of the entire rest of his body and which is
    shaped like a Rupee. In subsequent encounters, however, we witness a clear but
    gradual transformation, as his clothes grow more fashionable and his
    surroundings more comfortable. These are among the funniest scenes in the game,
    but you may begin to wonder where he's getting the Rupees for all of this. And
    speaking of Rupees, where are all your contributions going, exactly? Yes, if
    you haven't figured out after a couple rounds of this that Uncle Rupee is
    pulling a Sylvia Christel, you're a less distrustful person than I. It only
    grows more painfully obvious – and sinister – as time goes on, culminating with
    a shot of Uncle Rupee hulking around in the shadows with his eyes glowing red.
    Tingle quickly traverses Auros Ruins, acquires the Master Rupee and makes for
    the final confrontation. Tingle Tower transforms into a rocketship and fires
    into the moon. Tingle dons a space helmet, inflates his balloon, and girds
    himself for the battle ahead. For some strange reason, Uncle Rupee returns all
    the Rupees he's scammed Tingle out of up to this point. He then taunts him
    arrogantly, assured of his victory, but Tingle has gained both Pinkle's love
    and the ability to fire Rupees in streams. Uncle Rupee has his own
    Rupee-cannon, however, as well as innumerable dinner plates and their contents,
    to say nothing of his loyal bodyguards (who resemble the recruitable Agent
    class), and the match is on. Braving the maelstrom of attacks that Uncle Rupee
    throws at him, Tingle deals crushing blows to his almost naked body. Amusingly,
    Uncle Rupee's skin takes on the colour of varying denominations of Rupees as he
    sustains damage. Tingle seemingly depletes his foe's life bar, sending him
    careening into the background, only to have him come flying back, now in Super
    form and impervious to all conventional attacks! The only thing that can damage
    him, in fact, is his own giant ball of electricity, which he throws only
    occasionally, but which Tingle can direct back at him with a sustained Rupee
    fusillade, damaging him heavily each time it connects. Once again, Uncle Rupee
    seems down for the count but comes back moments later. He's been reduced to
    only his head, but has become massive. In a last-ditch effort, he repeatedly
    tries to crush Tingle under sheer weight, but Tingle smartly sidesteps again
    and again, finally delivering the finishing blow. The entire battle has gained
    a bit of a reputation among people who played the game as requiring a measure
    of foreknowledge (or a lot of Rupees) to overcome, as many of Uncle Rupee's
    attacks drain tens of thousands of Rupees per hit, but it's also regarded as
    the best boss battle in a game full of great boss battles.
    Uncle Rupee has succumbed...to his own greed. Well! What a lesson to teach to
    children, and what a way in which to do it! When I booted up this game, about
    the LAST thing I was expecting was a character arc...and I got pretty much just
    what I had anticipated in that regard, as Tingle immediately reverts to his
    previous self the second Uncle Rupee is defeated. With his biggest threat out
    of the way, Tingle decides that, after all, he really would prefer to just
    spend all day lazing around, going out with his girlfriends, and coasting on
    his fortune, which is, you'll recall, his original reason for embarking on the
    quest, so...mission accomplished, I guess. As you might guess, the Grand Fairy
    is not favourably impressed.
    In earlier versions of this guide, released prior to the game's English
    localization, I suggested 'Uncle Rupee' as a possible translation for
    'Rupiiji.' But I was joking. It was supposed to be funny because I thought
    they'd never, ever use something so silly.
    W a n n a p p u c h a n
    Race: Waste of oxygen
    Appearances: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    A representative of my least favourite mammal, its owner is as unsightly as it
    is. It does, however, have the ability to distinguish her from impostors by
    smell, which comes in handy when Yamori attempts to disguise himself in this
    fashion. Possessed of a horrible temperament, the dumb animal will all but
    attack Tingle if he tries to engage it, and will treat Raion with outright
    disdain should he go looking for a civil conversation. Supposedly, Wannappuchan
    is female, because some people believe that dogs can be gendered. Its name
    might more correctly, or at least less pedantically, be written as 1Up-chan,
    alluding to its hat, which resembles a green 1-Up Mushroom from the Mario
    series. Oddly, Wannappuchan can be Love Pushed.
    W y r n a
    Worried mother
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    She wears a pretty pink yukata. Her daughter Kukiel's adventures are a constant
    source of worry for her. She gives you a bunch of five Gratitude Crystals if
    you locate Kukiel when she goes missing. And she's really boring.
    V a a t i
    Sorcerer of Winds
    Race: Minish
    Appearances: Four Swords
                 Four Swords Adventures
                 The Minish Cap
    Next to music and time, winds is the most commonly used theme of the Zelda
    series. There’s even an entire major enemy thereof. That’s Vaati, and he’s a
    pretty interesting character.
    He started out, so long ago, as one of the Minish, tiny creatures who migrated
    to Hyrule from elsewhere and now assist the Hylians in their daily lives. One
    of the Minish’s greatest sages was called Ezlo, and Vaati was his apprentice. A
    quick study, Vaati soon learned almost everything Ezlo knew, and soon started
    research of his own. Over time, he learned some of the lore of the Light Force,
    and the infinite power it offered to anyone who could find it. He turned on his
    master, transforming him into a hat, and took Hylian form.
    The prize for winning the sword-fighting competition at the Picori Festival was
    to touch an ancient treasure from Hyrule’s past, a great honour. It was a
    treasure chest sealed with a blade, but instead of just laying hands on it,
    Vaati opened it. This unleashed all manner of lesser monsters on Hyrule, but
    Vaati didn’t find what he was looking for. He turned Princess Zelda to stone,
    rightly fearing her lineage, and proceeded to incapacitate most of those who
    could oppose him.
    He later turned Zelda back to normal, realising that he needed to sacrifice her
    to gain the Light Force that had been stored in her body. He had made several
    other critical miscalculations, however, the greatest of which was to let Link
    live. The two did battle, and though Vaati used what Light Force he had been
    able to extract to transform himself, Link and the power of the Four Sword
    vanquished him.
    Vaati later appeared in the two multiplayer Zelda games, FS and FSA. In both
    instances, the players were required to work together to defeat him, attacking
    in tandem and with colour-appropriate responses. And in both instances, he once
    again stressed out Zelda, but by kidnapping in these cases (just to keep life
    fresh, I guess.) It’s uncertain if Vaati will return in the future, but it’s a
    good bet, especially if more Four Swords ever materialise.
    V a l o o
    Sky Spirit
    Race: Dragon
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    The patron deity of the Rito tribe, Valoo is a giant red dragon who protects
    Dragon Roost Island from atop its peak. He speaks only in Hylian, one of a
    handful of characters who know the language, so only his attendant Medli has
    any clue what he’s saying. When Link first comes to the island, Valoo is acting
    violently due to Gohma torturing his tail. He becomes much more lighthearted
    after that. When Link and Tetra travel to the top of Forsaken Fortress and
    confront Ganondorf, it’s Valoo, Komali and Quill who whisk them to safety.
    It’s possible that Valoo is actually Volvagia, the boss from Ocarina of Time’s
    Fire Temple. I really, really doubt that, but there is some evidence to support
    it, such as that they both have names that start with V (and Jabu-Jabu changed
    his name to the somewhat dissimilar Jabun), both are big red dragons, both live
    on Death Mountain, and Valoo’s ability to speak Hylian suggests he comes from
    the Ocarina era. On the other hand, Volvagia died. Plus, he was evil, while
    Valoo is benevolent. I guess resurrection and character development are
    possible, but it’s a stretch. Now, distant predecessor I’d be a little more
    willing to believe.
    V a s u
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Oracle of Seasons
                 Oracle of Ages
    The Oracle saga features magical rings that Link can wear for various effects,
    like slowly restoring his hearts automatically, decreasing the damage taken
    from spikes or giving him a powerful punching attack. However, he can only
    carry a limited number, and they all have to be appraised before they can be
    used, so Vasu steps into this role. The Indian stereotype facilitates all the
    services associated with rings, and his two pet snakes can even transfer rings
    from one game to another.
    V i s c e n
    Easily distracted
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Majora’s Mask
    Clock Town’s Captain of the Guard, Viscen commands the troop of soldiers
    (identical to the Hylian Royal Guard of Ocarina of Time’s Hyrule) who
    ostensibly defend the town, but mainly function to keep youngsters from
    leaving. He spends literally all his time in the Mayor’s office, arguing with
    the foreman about what to do about the impending colony drop event. No wait, I
    mean lunar planetfall. Viscen advocates evacuation to Romani Ranch while the
    foreman believes that the Carnival of Time must go on and that the so-called
    Captain of the Guard is a sissy for wanting to run and hide. The sane guy does
    manage to organize an evacuation, not that it’s going to help any since the
    moon is set to destroy the entire country.
    W h e a t o n  a n d  P i t a
    Bread-baking breadwinners
    Race: Hylians
    Appearances: The Minish Cap
    A married couple living in Hyrule Castle Town, Wheaton and Pita own the local
    bakery. As their punny names would suggest, the store specialises in an
    assortment of breads. Wheaton Keaton, a man of genius sonority when it comes to
    the art of baking, notices that Hyrule is one of the only countries in the
    world without its own unique type of bread, and, seeing no choice but to make
    it, embarks on an epic journey of food science and self-discovery. Along the
    way, he meets like-minded enthusiasts who join him in championship-style baking
    tournaments and other zany antics, has encounters with legends of the industry
    who either nurture him or will one day be forced to acknowledge him, and
    perfects his craft by making both new breads and incredibly witty puns, all
    while fending off the machinations of a rival company that wishes to bury him.
    Pita is the frontwoman for the store who manages the business and hypes its
    products, which is an equally important function. I suspect that some kind of
    internal power struggle went on while she was in high school or thereabouts,
    with one of her family’s patriarchs vetting her for the position of new owner
    while another threw his support behind her evil older sister, but she
    eventually won out. Either way, she surely has a strong love for bread and a
    great deal of talent of her own, making Wheaton and Pita a real power couple.
    W i n d  F i s h
    Space whale
    Race: Wind Fish
    Appearances: Link’s Awakening
    The Wind Fish is in name only, for it is neither.
    Both official and in-game art depict the Wind Fish as a gigantic whale with
    swan wings. Its physical appearance isn’t very important, though, because Link
    doesn’t actually encounter it until the end of the game. In fact, his entire
    quest revolves around collecting the eight Instruments of the Sirens so he can
    climb Mt Tamaranch and play the Ballad of the Wind Fish, cracking open the
    spotted egg in which the creature supposedly slumbers.
    Around the sixth dungeon, it becomes clear that Koholint Island is not real.
    It’s only a dream, but I don’t believe it’s the Wind Fish’s dream so much as
    it’s a dream that it and Link are dreaming together. Either way, waking the
    Wind Fish wakes them both, ending the illusion. Link, floating on his raft in
    the middle of the ocean, looks skywards and sees the Wind Fish soaring off into
    the distance. And that’s all we ever learn about it.
    Y a m o r i
    Unstealthy shinobi
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Freshly Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
                 Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Yamori is the second most powerful Drifter Bodyguard and the most aggravating
    to try and hire. As you travel throughout the continents you may periodically
    find him terribly disguised as a wall, which may remind you of Konohamaru from
    Naruto. Investigating him will cause him to applaud your detection skills and
    speed off. Unfortunately, although he appears in only a handful of specific
    locations he doesn't show up every time you visit, so sussing him out can turn
    into quite an investment of time. After you've discovered him on five separate
    occasions (he never repeats a hiding spot), he will offer to become your vassal
    for 13,000 Rupees, which is quite something, but so are his skills. He wields a
    sword and flash-steps around, because that's his thing. It seems that he and
    Ronny go way back. Not completely by coindence, he closely resembles the main
    character of Sega's Shinobi series.
    Unexpectedly, he makes his return in Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun
    Torippu, this time practising a variety of stock fictional ninja techniques.
    He's first seen in the pond in the woods of Page 4, hidden beneath the ripples
    and breathing through a shaft of bamboo. Tingle sticks a frog and then a grub
    into the hole, angering Yamori and causing him to run off. Next he's seen in
    Aomono Village, disguised as one of the girls working the fields with Monpe. A
    quick hit with Pachinko reveals reality, and then he's not seen again until the
    afterworld of Page 12, hiding like old times, now up against Tingle's hotel
    room door. Once found, he hides by clinging to the back of a guard, who notices
    the extra weight but doesn't investigate. However, Wannappuchan quickly sniffs
    him out, leading to a quick flight back to her owner, whom he impersonates.
    Another hit with Pachinko and he takes to the skies, hanging in the air by
    suspending himself beneath a ninja kite; one final stone knocks him to the
    ground, and, having grown increasingly aggravated by Tingle's constant
    interruptions and impressed with his accuracy at such long range, decides to
    call it quits, forking over a Cartridge.
    Y e t o  a n d  Y e t a
    Race: Yeti, and, I think, Hylian
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Yeto is definitely a yeti. A sentient, mild-mannered yeti, but a yeti
    nonetheless. Yeta is a little more of a puzzler. She appears human, although
    her arms are strapped to her sides because of her sweater, and the Zoras call
    her a ‘girl,’ and there is some talk like maybe their love would be frowned
    upon in some circles. All of this suggests to me that she is actually a Hylian,
    despite her being married to a yeti and propensity for poor grammar.
    Either way, the couple make their home in the ancient ruins of the Snowpeak
    Province mansion. It’s no more than stomping grounds to them, but to Link, it’s
    the tricky-to-traverse fifth dungeon. When he arrives on the scene, Yeta is
    sick, which is why Yeto has been raiding Zora’s River for soup ingredients; he
    means no harm. When Link tracks him down and explains that he’s looking for a
    mirror shard, Yeto says to follow him to his house, which he does – by
    snowboarding down the hill on a frozen leaf. Quite original.
    When they arrive, Yeta says the mirror is locked behind a door that requires a
    key. She tries to remember where it is, but at first can only remember the
    locations of stored-away soup ingredients. Eventually she remembers the
    location of the key, and Link grabs it just in time to see her freshly
    revitalized after a dose of Yeto’s soup. She leads him to the tower where the
    mirror shard is kept, but as she’s about to hand it over, the evil power of the
    Mirror of Twilight overcomes her and she becomes Blizzetta, showcasing just how
    dangerous the thing’s sway really is. The windows crash open, a blizzard begins
    to rage inside the room, and she starts to assault our hero with icy spikes of
    DEATH. Luckily, Link is able to defeat her using his new Ball and Chain. Yeto
    enters and the two share a romantic moment as Link takes the shard and gets
    outta there. He can return later for further snowboarding runs, one of which is
    somewhat frustrating but yields a Heart Piece.
    Z a n c
    White snow (Zn)
    Race: Mogma
    Appearances: Skyward Sword
    The Mogma with the dorkiest haircut, Zanc hangs out in the Thrill Digger area,
    offering to reiterate information on a nearby sign for a 20-Rupee fee.
    Z a n t
    Augustus Caesar
    Race: Twili
    Appearances: Twilight Princess
    Zant is a bit of an odd duck, to say the least. He writhes and twists
    uncontrollably when he speaks on an issue he’s passionate about, he wears a
    weird-looking metal helmet with bulbous eyes and tendrils where his mouth
    should be, and he is prone to making an incredibly irritating noise that
    somehow still manages to be creepy. And when he takes his helmet off, he looks
    a little like an insect. You will also note that he wears clothes, unlike most
    Twili, and in fact they somewhat resemble Gerudo apparel. Coincidence?
    Unlikely. In fact, the ‘too-long sleeves with tassles’ motif seems to have been
    borrowed directly from Ganondorf. Zant studied up on his race’s ancient history
    and as he saw it, his people were unjustly imprisoned in the grim Twilight
    Realm, and he wanted to take over. With this ancestral right stuck in his mind,
    he genuinely believed himself to be the true ruler of the Twili; only he had
    the drive and talent to lead them towards the future. Unfortunately for him,
    they recognized his greed and rejected him as king, tossing him out. He
    desperately looked to the heavens for divine intervention, but what he got was
    Ganondorf, which is almost as good but not good enough. But not knowing this,
    he saw the effigy of Dorfy’s floating head and immediately deitified him.
    Recognizing in Zant an opportunity to reclaim his previous status, Ganondorf
    lent him some of his power. Zant eschewed his race’s old magic in favour of
    this much more powerful one, and he set it to good use, transforming Midna, the
    actual destined ruler of the Twili, into a twisted, near-powerless imp.
    Transforming (robots in disguise) many Twili into his own mindless soldiers, he
    marched on Hyrule Castle and overran their outnumbered, overpowered defences.
    He confronted Princess Zelda and gave her a choice: Surrender or die. Since it
    wasn’t just her own life at stake, but that of her people as well, Zelda let
    her sword fall and Zant engulfed about 60% of Hyrule in Twlight. He also tried
    to destroy the Mirror of Twilight, the only link the Goddesses left between
    Hyrule and the Twilight Realm, but as a false king, he could not – only Midna
    could. The best Zant could do was break it into pieces and fling them to the
    far corners of the land.
    Realising he needed Midna on his side, he tried to lure her over, but she
    refused. In fact, she was working with Link to reclaim her proverbial crown.
    Ganondorf’s magic easily overpowered the Fused Shadows she’d intended to use
    against him, but thanks to Link and Midna’s guerrilla efforts, Zant quickly
    found himself backed into a corner. They finally confronted him in the Palace
    of Twilight.
    A quick note here – the nature of this fight makes me wonder if Zant was
    supposed to be the final boss. Ganondorf’s appearance feels just slightly
    tacked-on. The length of the Palace suggests a final dungeon setting (notice
    Hyrule Castle is very short, too), and furthermore, Zant revisits a number of
    boss and mini-boss rooms from earlier in the game. It would be not a bad recap.
    Plus, there’s no dungeon item. So possibly the team was getting short on time
    and was going to do a 7 + 1 dungeon format instead of the traditional 8 + 1,
    but added Ganondorf in when they found out they’d have another year to perfect
    the game. This is an interesting choice, since that would mean they ultimately
    chose cachet over the originality they were originally going for.
    Once they defeat Zant, Midna seizes the three Fused Shadows he stole from her
    and then uses them against him. Ancient, withered magic? The hand that comes
    out of Midna’s hat (which is apparently her hair) plunges into Zant’s chest and
    he swells up and pops like an overinflated balloon. He is instantly
    reincarnated, though, citing Ganondorf’s protection as his source of
    immortality – as long as Ganondorf lives, he will reincarnate Zant again and
    again! ...So much for that. Link defeats Ganondorf almost immediately
    afterward, and with his last breath, the arch-villain remotely snaps Zant’s
    Z a u z
    Transcendental blacksmith
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: Phantom Hourglass
    I’m not exactly sure if I can call Zauz a Hylian. I mean first of all, his
    ancestors actually hail from the ancient Cobble Kingdom, and second, some
    sources say that in The Wind Waker/Phantom Hourglass era Hylians have all but
    disappeared and been replace by round-eared humans. So I might be dead wrong in
    calling him a Hylian, in which case, bummer.
    Irrespective of his racial designation, Zauz’s heritage gives him a formidable
    pedigree in regards to the workings of magical artefacts, backed up by his
    impressive skills with a hammer and anvil unmatched by almost anybody but
    Biggoron, I think. A good friend of the Ocean King and a little more tapped
    into current events than are most people in the Zelda universe, when confronted
    Zauz is only too happy to contribute his smithing skills to the cause. He
    happens to have memorized the schematics for the Phantom Sword, an ancient
    design taken from Cobble lore, but he discards the idea almost immediately as
    the weapon can only be forged with the three legendary Pure Metals, and that’s
    obviously not in the cards. Link, however, is not dissuaded, and he and Ciela
    decide on the spot that their only logical course of action from here is to
    track the things down.
    After a very long difficult time, the group is able to recover the treasures
    and deliver them to the startled Zauz, who immediately sets to work. Labouring
    tirelessly for several days, Zauz melts down the assembled heirlooms and forges
    an indestructible alloy into which he shapes a mighty blade that would
    ironically be more of a dagger for any actual warrior of the Cobble Kingdom,
    but which suits Link perfectly. He sets the Phantom Hourglass into its
    crosspiece, imbuing the blade with all the time-manipulating, world-altering
    magic therein. It’s never explained what the hilt is made from, so we can
    probably assume it’s just manufactured from mundane material, or maybe the
    housing of the Hourglass itself, converted through fey techniques. All in all,
    his creation looks suspiciously similar to the Master Sword, displaying an
    almost Kirbyesque level of imagination thereof (as in Kirby Kirby Kirby that’s
    the name you should know, not Jack Kirby.) After he completes this task, Zauz’s
    completely minor, literarily unnecessary role in the story ends, and he goes
    back to doing whatever he was doing before Link appeared.
    Bearded and shirtless, Zauz looks like a red-headed Irish stereotype if Irish
    stereotypes were large instead of average-sized. He wears armbands, which is a
    rarity. He also has some interesting purple tattoos of the spiky, swirling
    designs commonly seen in Celda skin-art. Oh, and as an anecdote to the first
    paragraph, Zauz has pointed Hylian-style ears, as do Link and a number of other
    characters, so eat it, naysayers!
    Z e l d a
    Princess of Hyrule
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: All main-series Zelda games
    You may not believe me when I tell you that Zelda appears in all games whose
    titles contain her name. Some even say she hardly ever appears in the series.
    If you think so, think harder. Due to sheer fatigue, instead of actually
    describing the character, I am going to systematically demonstrate that she
    has, in fact, appeared in every Zelda game. Empirical thinking has its
    In the first two games, her appearances were admittedly brief, but there. In
    the first game she appeared, sleeping, after Link had defeated Ganon. Link woke
    her and all was well. She can be seen every time you boot up the game in Zelda
    II, in an eternal slumber. She finally wakes at the end, and she presumably
    gives Link a kiss (the curtain falls, so we don’t know for sure.)
    If you missed her in A Link to the Past, you have never played that game. It is
    her telepathic plea that wakes Link in the night and sets the game in motion.
    He eventually rescues her and brings her to the Sanctuary, from where she is
    later captured. He finally liberates her, permanently, by defeating Ganon.
    Link’s Awakening had Marin, Link’s dream-world interpretation of Zelda.
    She had an extensive role in Ocarina of Time, appearing in the opening movie,
    the second stage of Link’s quest and then, later, as Sheik. She does a whole
    lot more as Sheik than she’s ever done as Zelda, exerting what little influence
    she can in her opposition of Ganondorf. Sheik’s act of revealing herself to be
    Zelda in disguise is one of the series’ most critical plot moments, so I hope I
    didn’t spoil it for you just now. She even plays a role in the final boss
    battle, by first leading Link out of the crumbling tower and then returning the
    Master Sword to him when it’s knocked out of his hands. She also holds Ganon
    down so Link can deal the final blow. Like Link, she bears several titles
    throughout the series; she’s the Sage of Time in this game.
    She had nothing but a cameo in Majora’s Mask, but it counts. Link remembers how
    Zelda taught him the Song of Time. That song is integral to MM.
    In the Oracle saga, players would only get to see her if they completed one
    game and started a password-linked game. In the linked game, Impa sent Link on
    a necessary but very brief quest to rescue Zelda, essentially by playing Donkey
    Her role was pretty lame in Four Swords. In a nod to Princess Peach, she gets
    kidnapped at the beginning of the game and is rescued in its finale.
    Ah, but The Wind Waker! Now that game had her as the sassiest, most badass
    character in the entire franchise. She led a merry band of pirates who looted,
    pillaged, and were all-around good guys, all this at the age of twelve. She was
    awesome, even filling Navi’s role for a short time. A little more than halfway
    through the game, she learned her true identity as Princess Zelda, bearer of
    the Triforce of Wisdom, and had to be hidden beneath the waves to keep her from
    Ganondorf. Despite that, she did end up doing some heavy lifting in the final
    boss battle, which I describe in great detail in Ganondorf’s profile.
    In Four Swords Adventures, she doesn’t do a whole lot other than get captured
    by Vaati (again) and get rescued later on. Admittedly, she is the leader of a
    bunch of maidens, and she also demonstrates the rather interesting ability to
    turn into a fairy (as do all the maidens in that game.)
    Incidentally, Tetra was going to be part of an FSA multiplayer mode called
    Tetra’s Trackers. Western press mistakenly referred to it as a separate game
    headed to our shores, but it was cut from the NTSC version, likely because the
    glut of Japanese dialogue (!) would have to have been re-recorded, which is
    expensive. The mini-game featured the four Links in a race around smallish
    arenas trying to collect stamps. Actually, it was one Link and three coloured
    Shadow Links, all four of whom were player-controlled. That was the game’s
    explanation for having them compete (to prove which one is the genuine Link).
    Next up is The Minish Cap. Instead of being kidnapped, she gets turned into
    stone, and remains that way until Vaati revives her so he can steal the Light
    Force from her. Now that’s interesting – the entire Triforce, the Light Force
    in this game, originally resided within Zelda. Once Ganondorf fractured it, she
    got only the Triforce of Wisdom. He, naturally, got the Triforce of Power, and
    then Link...I guess because he was the legendary hero, that’s why he got
    Courage. Kind of interesting, eh?
    Then we come to Twilight Princess. Zelda reveals herself within the first hour
    or so of play, wearing black robes of mourning (side note – these robes have
    the symbol of the Sheikah on them. Now why is that?) You see, she’s mourning
    Hyrule – it has all been turned to Twilight under Zant’s wretched influence,
    and it’s basically her fault, because she chose surrender over death. This was
    the best decision in the long run. When Midna is near death, Zelda appears to
    actually sacrifice her own life to keep the Twilight Princess from slipping
    beyond the mortal coil. Though her body disappears, Ganondorf somehow recovers
    it and possesses it in the final battle. Upon her (well, Ganondorf’s) defeat,
    her soul leaves Midna’s body and returns to her own. That’s the first stage of
    the battle - Zelda takes a nap in the second, exhausted after her possession.
    BUT THEN! I guess the idea of Zelda fighting was as popular with the developers
    as it was with me, because in the third stage of the fight, Link and Zelda both
    mount Epona; Zelda shoots Light Arrows to stun Ganondorf so Link can attack
    with the Master Sword. She is separated from him for the last round,
    unfortunately, so she sits that one out, but it was still really cool to see
    her strut her stuff again!
    In Phantom Hourglass Zelda returns to being fairly useless. She shows herself
    in the opening, having resumed Tetra form, only to be kidnapped six seconds in,
    due to an act of incredible sheer stupidity on her part, when the Ghost Ship
    appears on the scene. Then she spends most of the game turned to stone, waiting
    for Link to rescue her. (He does.) Come on, darling, I thought you’d evolved
    beyond that.
    She’s also kind of impossible to miss in Spirit Tracks. After all, she’s right
    by your side from very near the beginning to right up to the end of the game!
    At first appearing to you in fleshy form, she soon has her spirit ripped from
    her body as the latter is spirited away, which puts her in quite low spirits
    for the next little while. However, all it takes is the revelation that her
    body has been stolen for use by an evil demon king and a subsequent (and very
    humorous) shout of ‘IYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ to reenergize her. But in spite of her
    proclamation that she’ll wait while Link goes off to fight (‘I understand it’s
    a sort of tradition in my family’), the local sage Anjean says the trials he’ll
    face will be too difficult to face alone, and Zelda, though initially startled,
    gathers her courage and accompanies Link into the inner sanctum of the Tower of
    Spirits. Shortly thereafter, the two quite accidentally learn of her new
    ability to possess the bodies of Phantoms once they have been stunned; this
    turns out to be the critical skill in recovering the dungeon’s treasures, and
    she assists him thusly on all following forays, variously providing herself as
    powerful warrior, invincible switch-flipper, double agent, carriage and mobile
    cover. She once again takes to the field for the final confrontation as well,
    first half-strangling her own body as it contains aforementioned demon king
    Malladus, and then returning to it after so much time spent away. Following
    this, she implores Link to protect her from harm while she gathers her magical
    power, eventually unleashing a huge attack that temporarily stuns everybody in
    the immediate area. Reviving the unconscious Link, she has him play a special
    melody on the Spirit Flute, which summons the six Lokomo guardians for a rising
    harmony that causes a weak point to appear on the back of the hideously
    transformed fiend. Then, in what is becoming a trend, she takes up the Bow of
    Light while Link distracts Malladus, firing whenever she sees an opening. After
    a few rounds of this, he goes down, and Link moves in to attack his weak point,
    the Rupee-shaped gem on his head. On the third repetition of this process, he
    jams the Lokomo Sword into his brain, and seeing him struggle, Zelda rushes in
    to help him slaughter Malladus, a level of brutality I never thought she had in
    her. The ending is somewhat melancholy, as it pans out of a photo of her and
    Link she has sitting on her desk, but then all of a sudden she hears either the
    sound of Link’s train whistle or of him outside battling. Either way she rushes
    to the window and waves, and in the latter case, she distracts him just long
    enough to have him get kicked to the floor; hilarious. This role was definitely
    what a lot of fans have been waiting for with the Princess, and it’s her most
    popular appearance to date for good reason.
    Finally, in Skyward Sword she plays a huge role, not only providing the game
    with a sense of purpose but also at times advancing the plot in her own right.
    She opens by sending her Loftwing to rouse an oversleeping Link, calling him
    out to the Goddess Statue where she's waiting to wish him luck. Resplendent in
    her new duds, her smile bright as the sun shining behind her, she accidentally
    almost murders him before helping him to find his kidnapped Loftwing. Shortly
    thereafter she disappears, and Link spends another few hours giving chase
    before briefly catching sight of her. She all but pats him on the head before
    disappearing again; the credits reveal that she is almost done in outside the
    Earth Temple at this point, but is saved by the sudden intervention of Impa,
    who takes her under her wing. After again being briefly united with him, she
    takes off for the Temple of Time with her new retainer. Girl does what she
    wants! Their next reunion is interrupted by the sudden appearance of Ghirahim,
    who is trying to suck out her soul and use it revive his master Demise. Link
    holds him off and the two escape through the Gate of Time, which Impa
    immediately blows up to prevent Ghirahim from pursuing. They then spend an
    extremely long time pretty much just waiting in the Sealed Temple, a thousand
    years in the past, and when Link finally manages to get himself back to them,
    Zelda reveals that she's been doing a lot of reflection, come to the
    realisation that she's the reincarnation of the supreme goddess Hylia, and
    changed her clothes. She's also decided that the world will be safest if her
    soul isn't around to be absorbed, so she nobly seals herself in crystal and
    waits a thousand years in slumber until Link drops a building on Demise,
    killing him, and awakens her. This backfires badly when Ghirahim shows up,
    kidnaps her, announces that he's gonna take her back to the past, and makes the
    whole time that she waited totally pointless. Link runs after him but takes
    slightly too long, thus allowing the resurrection of Demise...whom Link shortly
    defeats, restoring Zelda. She then decides that she would much rather live with
    both feet on the ground than with her head in the clouds, and Link just smiles,
    and then credits. So that there was basically the plot of Skyward Sword for
    you. Unfortunately, she's kind of hideous in this game, but I guess her
    personality makes up for it? By the way, this is the first time that Zelda has
    not specifically been a princess.
    So there you have it. Zelda is in every Zelda.
    Z e p h o s  a n d  C y c l o s
    Good-natured squabblers
    Race: Lesser deities
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    According to my interpretation of Zelda mythology, the hierarchy of great
    beings works a little like this:
    -Hylia – The number-one supreme Goddess
    -The Three Goddesses – Din, Nayru and Farore, the creators of Hyrule and its
    satellites and the ultimate answer of the Zelda universe. I was always pretty
    much positive there were no greater beings above them; I guess I thought wrong
    -Light Bringers – Slightly less powerful than the Three Goddesses
    -Lesser Gods (kamigami) – The gods referred to in A Link to the Past and The
    Wind Waker
    -Patron deities – Those who look after a particular group, e.g. the Great Deku
    Tree or Jabun
    -Great Fairies – They even have their own profile, you figure it out
    -Lesser deities – Barely even deities, but still a hundred times more powerful
    than mortals
    Zephos and Cyclos fit into that last category. (Ganondorf, by the way, is
    neither a mortal nor a god.) Now, with that unnecessarily lengthy introduction,
    I shall go on to say merely that the two are Wind Deities, and some of the only
    deities that you can actually meet, physically, in person. Zephos, whose name
    is derived from the word zephyr, meets Link directly after the Dragon Roost
    Cavern. Cyclos, whose name is derived from the word cyclone, meets Link shortly
    after the Tower of the Gods, on the way to the Forsaken Fortress, and teaches
    Link the quick-warp Ballad of Gales.
    Z i l l
    Disgusting little kid
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
                 The Minish Cap
    Zill’s ok I guess. He’s the little kid on Outset Island with the mutant,
    bouncing ball of snot hanging out of his nose. He’s mildly helpful when it
    comes to giving information on the inhabitants and features of Outset Island, a
    service aided by his tendency to talk like an overenergetic kindergartner. I’m
    pretty sure it was Zill who named the pig you bring to their house at the
    beginning of the game (the one they don’t eat.) Inexplicably, Zill also appears
    as a student at the schoolhouse in The Minish Cap, where he does jack all for
    the storyline but does offer you some sweet Kinstone Fusion.
    Z o n m i
    Is female, has pulse
    Race: Indeterminable
    Appearance: Irodzuki Chinkuru no Koi no Baruun Torippu
    Zonmi is one of a group of...things working in the mines of the train service
    area located on Page 9. They've long ago abandoned their main office, having
    made a fairly permanent camp outside the tunnel they're trying to dig. Lately,
    however, they've lost all strength, and have been having trouble making
    progress. Their boss sends Tingle out to collect some dynamite, which requires
    attaching a cargo section to his train; for that, he'll need the help of their
    communications director, Zonmi, but, of course, she screams and shies away the
    second she lays eyes on him. What can you do but Love Push her? After that,
    Tingle can contact her by means of an English phone booth a little ways away
    from the camp, and she'll happily send out a cargo car or operate a certain
    track switch at his instruction. Once he's collected 50 sticks of dynamite, the
    foreman sets it up, Tingle sets it off (because the workers are all too
    scared), and a huge explosions rocks the cave, revealing that the blast has
    blown a quarter-sized hole through the wall. Everybody is shocked and dismayed,
    but suddenly the rest crumbles away and a blast of sunlight streams in. The
    workers are delighted, their work finally complete, AND THEN THEY ALL
    Z o r a
    Race: ...Zora
    Appearances: A Link to the Past
    The eponymous inhabitant of Zora’s Domain in the northeast, a secluded watery
    sanctuary in the northeast corner of non-Death Mountain Hyrule, Zora’s
    romanization set the trend for the Zora-Zola differentiation. More
    significantly, after braving the gauntlet of narrow pathways and
    fireball-spitting Zolas, Link was able to buy the Flippers from Zora for 500
    Rupees. Not only does this allow Link to swim, but Zora kindly throws in the
    right to use his warp whirlpools as well. Unfortunately, he either doesn’t have
    dominion over the Zolas or doesn’t care enough to worry about the situation,
    because they continue to fire on Link even after he stimulates the Zora
    economy. Well, I guess they’re supposed to be rebellious high school girls, so
    maybe it makes sense that they would defy their patriarchical authority figure,
    with a youthful zeal and total misunderstanding of the word anarchy and its
    implications of egalitarianism and cooperation.
    There’s also a ‘character’ named Zora in Link’s Awakening who lives in the
    northeasternmost house in Animal Village and is so small he or she is visible
    only with the Magnifying Class. When Link accomplishes this, the Photographer
    appears to take the ‘I Found Zora’ picture.
    Z u n a r i
    Politically incorrect
    Race: Hylian
    Appearances: The Wind Waker
    For some reason, Zunari wears an Inuit parka despite the Great Sea’s temperate
    climate. Supposedly, he came from somewhere cold, but then wouldn’t he SHED the
    parka, since by comparison Windfall Island would seem even hotter? Either way,
    Zunari is crucial since he sells ‘that’ to Link. ‘That’ turns out to be a sail
    for King of Red Lions, without which the boat scarcely crawls across the water.
    Zunari dreams of making it big in business, and with Link’s help he
    accomplishes his goal. He not only holds nightly auctions in Maggie’s house,
    which garner him huge amounts of money, but also runs a highly successful stall
    filled with all kinds of touristy knick-knacks.
    This is probably me being weird again, but I wonder if Zunari is an Anouki.
    (Then again, I also wonder if Yeto is a Yook, and that makes even less sense,
    so let’s carry on.) Both he and the Anouki wear blue parkas, and it is said
    that the man comes from a cold, faraway land. Can’t get much farther away than
    the World of the Ocean King. The only thing is that Zunari has fingers and no
    antlers. I’m calling coincidence on this one.
    =~=Races Compendium=~=
    Unless your powers of observation need serious work, you probably noticed that
    every character has a line denoting its race. This is because the Zelda
    universe is filled with all manner of fantastic races, with distinct morphology
    and culture. If you spent much of the guide wondering why Hylians aren’t just
    called humans or what exactly a Deku is, this section will explain it all for
    We kick-start the section with the most important and prolific race, the
    Hylians. They have appeared in every single Zelda title to date, as you can
    imagine. The Hylians are generally considered the ‘master race’ of Hyrule,
    those destined to carry out the will of the Goddesses and preside over the
    other races.
    Not only do they prove this by being vested with responsibilities the other
    races would be unable to shoulder, but the Hylians are mainly distinguished
    from real-world humans by their pointed, elfin ears, which allow them to hear
    telepathic communiques from the gods. Hylians are apparently the only people
    other than Twili able to directly perform magic. Otherwise, they are basically
    humanoid, ranging from the effete to the hardy.
    Hylians are basically divided between blue-collar, life-sustaining work and
    administration. More or less all farming is performed by Hylians, and they are
    quite cosmopolitan in their trade agreements (they are on especially good terms
    with the Gorons), making theirs some of the richest people. They are also
    responsible for having standardised the Rupee, the basic unit of currency
    across all games.
    Hylian settlements are among the largest going. Most live in large,
    concentrated townships like Kakariko Village and Hyrule Castle Town. Often
    encircled by high stone walls to defend the inhabitants from bandits and wild
    animals, these settlements are teeming nuclei of commerce and government. Local
    business includes hotels, cafes, bakeries, restaurants and utility and
    equipment shops, but the bulk of small business owners focus on entertainment.
    Hylian society is hierarchical in nature; everyone knows where he or she
    stands. Hyrule’s Royal Family rules the entire race with a just but iron hand.
    Sages, religious leaders who maintain and operate Hylian places of worship, are
    also well respected. Civic government figures, namely the mayor, are directly
    below them, followed by community leaders such as schoolteachers. Significant
    landowners are next sequentially, followed by merchants, scholars and farmers.
    Peddlers, salesmen, marketers and drifters are at the bottom of the list and
    generally looked down upon.
    In addition to being their administrators, the Hylia are also the nation’s
    peacekeeping force, operating mainly through the Royal Guard, a corps of
    pike-armed infantrymen who stand guard at critical junctures like crossroads
    and city gates. Their main task, however, is to protect the Royal Family. The
    Guard also employs several smaller units, including an archery division.
    Hylians are the only troops capable of performing the Spin Attack (alternately
    called the Whirling Blade Attack or Spinning Sword Technique), a devastating
    series of blows that can give them the edge in combat; however, without
    exceptional natural ability this technique takes years of dedication to learn,
    so it is not especially common.
    Hylians are often considered the most cultured of the six Cradle Races, and
    indeed any who appear on the Hylian Sea.
    In addition to proper Hylians, we occasionally see round-eared humans who have
    no special attributes, though they are more or less culturally and functionally
    the same. They tend to appear in the more ‘modern’ games (The Wind Waker,
    Twilight Princess), suggesting the Hylian race slowly dwindled over the years.
    If Hylians are the master race of Hyrule, Sheikah are the servant race. Ocarina
    of Time explicitly states that their only raison d’etre was to be the
    bodyguards and agents of the Royal Family. In their heyday, they were the main
    link between the surface-dwellers and the Oocca, and lived in a place called
    the Hidden Village. Sometime before Ocarina begins, the Sheikah were all but
    wiped out, as they dwindled to just one member: Impa. The fact that Impa
    appears in a number of games and is evidently the same person suggests that
    they are extraordinarily long-lived, suiting their roles as durable labourers.
    They are biologically identical to Hylians, though despite their pointed ears
    they seem unable to hear the messages of the gods (with the exception of sages,
    an exception shared by all races.) In fact, a Sheikah could probably pass
    himself off as a Hylian and live among Hylians, and perhaps there are some who
    did (or do...and we’ve even seen them in-game, we just don’t know about them.)
    For their livelihood and shelter, and indeed most other things, they are wholly
    dependant on their masters. It is a mutualistic relationship, though, as they
    more than pay them back in obedience and service.
    Though it sounds like they’re slaves, it seems most Sheikah accept and even
    enjoy their work. They are in the unique position of knowing for sure that they
    were living the destiny assigned them by the Goddesses.
    Without a doubt, with the demise of the Sheikah race the Gorons are the
    Hylians’ greatest allies. Not only are they fierce and brutal warriors, they
    also provide many of the goods that are essential to Hylian life: With their
    smithing skills they shape steel and other metals into essential items
    (including Hylian swords), and they are the only people capable of tending the
    Goron Special Crop (Bomb Flowers, which can be cultured into less volatile and
    greatly needed Bombs). But their greatest contribution is in mining ore and
    other materials. Their physiology allows Gorons to mine deeper, faster, and
    more efficiently than Hylians can, not to mention much more safely.
    Compared to Hylians, Gorons are huge in terms of both height and girth, and
    they are immensely strong and hardy. Their bodies seem to be composed of solid
    rock, the same rock in which they make their homes. This rock continues to grow
    through a Goron’s life; it seems there is no limit to the size a Goron can
    grow, and when they die they often become mountains themselves. One of the
    defining features of the Goron race is the ability to curl into a ball and
    roll, achieving exceptional speeds.
    Gorons typically carve their cities out of the bellies of mountains; Ocarina
    even saw them living in the bowels of an active volcano. The N64 games seem to
    suggest a tendency towards the cylindrical when designing their settlements.
    Gorons are usually ruled by either a Big Brother or a Goron Elder. These
    leaders are treated with near-reverential respect, and their wisdom is trusted
    unquestioningly. Though one might think that a headstrong people who think with
    their stomachs would naturally be quite uncouth in their dealings with
    outsiders, they usually welcome newcomers with open arms, and they spend much
    effort on diplomacy. The symbol of Goron sovereignty is a three-pronged design
    that resembles a pawprint; this is a tattoo-like engraving that all Gorons
    naturally have imprinted on their right upper arm.
    The fishlike, aquatic Zora are comparatively highbrowed and uppity compared to
    the other races, though they still recognize their subordination to the Hylian
    Royal Family. They are not generally credited as warriors, though their fins
    can clearly be used for combat, and their ability when submerged to generate a
    bioelectric shield of DEATH around their bodies gives them unmatched mastery of
    their domain (their inimitable strength as swimmers helps too, of course.) They
    are also good fishermen. One interesting trait is that Zora women produce seven
    eggs at a time, which must be kept together in order to hatch. Early on in
    life, Zora greatly resemble tadpoles.
    Zora towns typically have a lot of water in them, as one might expect;
    sometimes they are evenly divided between aquatic and earthbound sections.
    Generally their settlements are composed of walled, roofed structures that
    contain a number of sub-structures. The Zora people are ruled by the King Zora,
    but their patron deity (in most games) and ultimate liege is Jabu-Jabu.
    Female Zora also have the fascinating ability to launch fireballs from their
    gullets. This assault is considered vulgar and distasteful, however, and is
    never used by respectable ladies. That said, a sufficiently rebellious (and
    likely teenage, ha ha) female Zora may leave mainstream society to dwell in
    rivers and take pot shots at passers-by. Fish-girls who do this are known as
    Zolas (with an L.)
    The distinction of the R/L thing, by the way, was Nintendo of America’s way of
    taking care of a translation inconsistency. The other way to do it was to call
    friendly Zoras, Sea Zoras, and hostile Zolas, River Zoras. (This nomenclature
    comes from Oracle of Ages, incidentally the only game so far to feature both
    Sea and River Zoras.)
    The Gerudo are a race of desert-dwelling thieves and plunderers who keep to
    themselves but are a fearsome force individually or en masse. They are also
    entirely female, with just one male member born every hundred years.
    Reproductive conundrums aside, Gerudo are almost indistinguishable from
    Hylians; only their dark skin, unilaterally bright red hair, and parachute
    pants set them apart.
    Actually, their style of clothing is indicative of status. The majority of
    Gerudo – those employed as stock thieves and guards – are purple-clad with long
    hair. The elite soldiers, those who fight with twin scimitars rather than
    spears, have red outfits complete with veils. Civilians wear white and have
    short hair. And the leaders of a particular cell, well they’re dressed like the
    elites, but they too have veils. Their awesomeness is almost unparalleled in
    the Zelda universe. However, they are not the ultimate authority; that would
    lie with Ganondorf, the sole male. He employs various captains and
    seconds-in-command, and they too wield some power.
    The Gerudo live in near-complete isolation from the rest of the world. Almost
    the only time they have contact with other races is to steal things from them.
    Other than that, they stay in the desert – we’ve seen a few variations on that.
    My least favourite is a handful of nomadic tents – of course, obviously there
    are a few of these in Ocarina as well, we just don’t see them - though moving
    them to the waterfront doesn’t make a lot of sense. Nah, I think we’ll always
    think of Gerudo Fortress as their home. Maybe it’s best they stay there anyway,
    considering their taciturn and deceitful natures could prove detrimental to
    greater society. (Do I maybe sound like a politician? I so am.)
    Rounding out the six Cradle Races of Hyrule are the most boring of all, the
    Kokiri. Cradle Races is a name I made up, by the way, so nobody call them that
    unless you want people to laugh at you. :) Anyway, the forest folk are
    physically incapable of maturation; they’ll stay children forever. As a result,
    they are susceptible to outside assailants. This is why the Great Deku Tree
    protects them, though this only ends up working for so long.
    Considering they only ever had contact with outsiders twice, they do not have
    much outside commerce coming to their treehouse village. It is said, however,
    that Kokiri who lose their way in the Lost Woods become Stalchildren, and we
    see Stalchildren elsewhere, so that’s a possibility. On the other hand, we’ve
    also heard that Stalchildren are just adolescent Stalfos, and that Kokiri will
    die if they leave the forest (the first kind of conflicts with the other
    theories, and the second is proven untrue in Ocarina’s ending.) The most
    interesting thing about the Kokiri is that each is assigned a guardian fairy to
    follow them around everywhere, acting as their teachers and protectors. That’s
    actually kind of neat.
    First of all, in order to understand the Rito you have to understand that the
    Great Sea – the setting of Waker – sits on top of a waterlogged Hyrule, because
    the gods drowned it to seal away an increasingly powerful Ganondorf. This
    caused a cataclysm for most of the races, causing several to die out and others
    to become shadows of their former selves. Others adapted to their new
    This is what happened to the Zora. Though the Big N doesn’t explicitly say the
    Zora became the Rito, believing anything else is kind of foolish. But stepping
    back for a minute, the Zora are fish-people, whereas the Rito are bird-people.
    Wouldn’t the Zora be ideally suited for a mainly aquatic environment? You might
    think so, but there are a couple of theories explaining the change which we
    won’t get into. Instead, please just accept that they can turn their arms into
    bird’s wings at will. Beyond that, they’re pretty much beaked, snazzily dressed
    But while they may have evolved from the Zora, they’ve taken a cue from the now
    near-extinct Gorons and live in Death Mountain – that is, Dragon Roost Island.
    (Their dwelling is pretty cylindrical, too, mimicking the N64 Goron cities.)
    Here they make their living mainly as the Great Sea postal service, and are
    ruled by a Chieftain. They also have a lesser deity to look after them: Valoo
    the dragon takes over from Jabu-Jabu. Like their ancient ancestors, the Rito
    tend to keep away from the ‘lesser’ races; elitism never fully disappears.
    In much the same way as the Rito are derived from the Zora, the Koroks are
    derived from the Kokiri. The Kokiri have morphed drastically from the forest
    sprites prior, becoming almost Deku-like in their appearance, though with
    leaves for faces. They still have a Deku Tree to look after them. Like the
    Rito, they too have adapted to life on the high seas by developing powers of
    flight, though the Koroks accomplish this with mechanical rotors that grow out
    of their heads.
    Most of the Kokiri Woods and Lost Woods have been flooded, forming the Forest
    Haven, complete with Forbidden Woods. The Kokiri proved that the Lost Woods
    were a perfectly fine hangout for those familiar with them, and the Koroks once
    followed that sentiment as well; this is evident by a smattering of
    infrastructure, including gondolas, leaf-boats and giant fans, all of which the
    Koroks used to get around. But then dangerous creatures invaded and forced them
    out, so now it is far too dangerous for a Korok to venture in.
    In what is becoming a theme, the Koroks cut themselves off from other races,
    preferring to stay with the Deku Tree and hide when strangers come. However,
    late in the game they do head out to try and cultivate small trees to begin
    rebuilding the dwindling forests.
    The Twili descended from a race who wielded a powerful but evil magic for dark
    ends. As they had done before with Ganondorf, the Three Goddesses sealed away
    the increasingly dangerous people by banishing them to a realm of shadows and
    unhappiness. The so-called Twilight Realm was really quite serene, but they
    were jealous of those they had tried to overthrow, and over time, they became
    demonic, vicious monsters, a condition spurred on by their self-proclaimed
    king. After Zant’s and Ganondorf’s downfall, those Twili who were inherently
    good return to humanoid form. Midna returned to rule them, probably for the
    majority of eternity.
    The Deku, individuals of whom are known as Deku Scrubs, are a race of beings
    who bear a strong resemblance to sentient plants, especially trees and flowers.
    They have tiny orange eyes, wooden yet supple bodies, leafy appendages, and
    some features that resemble clothing. There are a number of Deku castes:
    Regular Deku Scrubs, Mad Scrubs, small guard Scrubs, Business Scrubs, fat
    Scrubs, female Scrubs, and the largest and strongest of Scrubs.
    Rather than accepting the Rupee, most Deku societies prefer a simple bartering
    system. Business Scrubs sometimes do trade with Hylian merchants, offering
    items found only in the forest: Deku Sticks, Seeds and Nuts. Deku usually have
    no clear leader, and act without any uniform society, but in Majora’s Mask they
    actually have a king complete with Palace. This was a terribly inefficient form
    of government.
    The actual appearance of a Subrosian is impossible to know since they always
    wear full-body robes that obscure their entire bodies, including the face. All
    that we can tell is that they are short and composed of two basic sections,
    those being head and body, and that both sections are somewhat round.
    Subrosians live in an eponymous subterranean environment directly below Oracle
    of Seasons’ Holodrum. The Tower of Seasons fell into it one day and remained a
    permanent fixture for some time. It is also dotted with many lava pools,
    dangerous for most but soothing for Subrosians. Subrosians prefer not to deal
    with other races, even eschewing the Rupee for their own currency, Ore Chunks.
    Subrosians are fairly good dancers.
    Tingle RPG also features a race of people called the Salona who bear an uncanny
    resemblance to Subrosians; they may be relatives or even the same species by
    another name. These guys – all of them – run the Bodyguard Salons that litter
    the world of Tingle RPG. There are several varieties, differentiated by the
    colour of their cloaks.
    Tokays are short, green reptilian creatures. They have angular heads, gangly
    limbs, catlike eyes, and spirals instead of belly buttons. The clawed,
    orange-crested creatures are very strong swimmers, though probably not as much
    so as the Zora. Tokays live in the caves of Crescent Island, a small isle off
    the coast of Oracle of Ages’ Labrynna, and as such have no contact with other
    races. Instead, they have developed a simple barter economy.
    The second race of dune-dwellers in the Zelda series, the Zuna are a bunch of
    green-skinned, turban-wearing dudes who have a small village in a Desert of
    Doubt oasis. In their heyday, their civilization was almost Egyptian in that
    they built massive pyramids and other such structures. They were probably
    responsible for creating the trident that Ganondorf is often seen to wield, and
    it’s sometimes said he grew up among the Zuna (seriously, guys...) Again,
    whereas the Gerudo style of dress seems more in the bent of India or Pakistan
    (I think), the Zuna garb is made in a much more Egyptian fashion, with
    ankle-length robes. And unlike the Gerudo, the Zuna do not feel the need to
    constantly carry around swords (unless they keep them hidden under all those
    robes, of course.) Hmm...for a race that only appeared in one game and which
    annoys me a great deal, I certainly found a lot to say about them.
    The Minish are extremely tiny beings, on average less than two centimetres
    tall. This tiny size has allowed them to go unnoticed among the Hylians, and
    they often live among them or help them out in small ways. The Minish give us
    an explanation for why valuable currency can be easily found in patches of
    grass and under rocks: The Minish put it there, because they love to see the
    delighted expressions on the faces of Hylians who find them. The hat and pants
    of a Minish indicate whether it is a Town Minish (blue hat and clothing),
    Forest Minish (red hat, green clothing) or Mountain Minish (blue hat, red
    clothing.) The Minish, appearing only in The Minish Cap, are concentrated in
    Hyrule Castle Town, the Minish Woods (the Lost Woods of other games), and Mt
    Crenel. They are quite skilled in trade. The leader of each settlement is a
    wise old Minish Sage. Sadly, because they are generally undetectable and the
    Minish Door that allows pure-hearted Hylian children to see them opens but once
    every hundred years, by the time the game begins they have faded into mere
    legends as the Picori (or Piccoli, if Bill Trinen and co. hadn’t screwed up yet
    another one.) Fortunately, Link’s exploits put an end to that, eh?
    Since A Link to the Past, it has been understood that the Hylians are the
    chosen race of the gods. Well, as it turns out, long ago there was a race even
    closer to the gods, and they’re still very much alive! The Oocca, as they are
    called, may even have been responsible for the creation of the Hylians, though
    that’s a little hard to believe because they seem to be an inferior race: They
    greatly resemble Cuccos. In fact, they have really strange, bare heads, oblong
    bodies, and stunted wings, all of which lead me to conclude that accounts of
    their power are greatly exaggerated, they know something I don’t, or they have
    degenerated over the centuries. They live in the City in the Sky, which is a
    dungeon for our purposes. Other than the fact that it remains hanging in the
    air by a bunch of propellers (is it mobile, I wonder?) and can only be reached
    by being fired out of a giant cannon, it’s kind of unimpressive. Still, the
    very idea that these little birds with their stick legs and their funny symbols
    are actually superior to our pointy-eared message-receivers, well, that right
    there is a significant and thought-provoking contribution unto itself.
    I adore Nintendo Power’s description of the Anouki people, so I’ll just quote
    them directly: ‘Penguins, reindeer, and Eskimos - now in one convenient
    species!’ That should give you a pretty good picture of the little guys, one of
    two sentient races inhabiting the Isle of Frost and later the Snow Realm. You
    can’t help but like them when you see them, but they are by far some of the
    laziest and most unintelligent people in the Zelda universe. The original
    Anouki Village is roughly divided into two sections: Anouki Estates to the
    north, which comprises their regularly arranged huts, and some shops and other
    specialised buildings to the south, including the Village Chief’s hut. When
    Link arrives, the Anouki are at war with the Yook from the far side of the
    island, having been subjected to vandalism and kidnappings for quite some time.
    Fortunately, Link is able to enter their temple and purge the evil within it,
    which is what had been driving the Yook’s actions, ending the conflict and
    allowing the two races to live among each other happily. Apparently, they later
    migrate to the Great Hyrulean Novel, because they appear in a reborn Anouki
    Village, still stupid and still being harassed by monsters.
    Greatly resembling yetis (specifically abominable snowmen), the Yook are
    creatures with huge physical power who are nonetheless relatively peaceful by
    nature. The influence of the evil within the Temple of the Isle of Frost drives
    them insane, however, transforming every one of them into a slavering beast
    bent on the suffering of whatever enters their field of vision. To this end,
    they try to cause the neighbouring Anouki as much inconvenience and displeasure
    as they possibly can, causing their counterparts a great deal of trouble. The
    story has a happy ending, though, as Link banishes the evil infesting their
    temple and frees them from its influence, allowing the Yook and Anouki to live
    among each other happily. Unlike the advanced races, Yook use more primitive
    weapons like clubs and axes. They can also attack with an interesting inhale
    ability, and of course are resistant to extreme cold. Yook also have the
    dubious honour of being the first sentient non-boss enemies to have Link kill
    In many ways, the Lokomos are the spiritual successors to the Sheikah, as both
    serve the Hylian Royal Family in an effort to protect their Hyrule. Unlike the
    Sheikah, the Lokomo pun on the word ‘locomotion,’ but like the Sheikah, they
    seem to go extinct, as the ending of Spirit Tracks depicts them departing for
    the heavens. They serve the Spirits of Good and combat the evil Malladus (you
    have to love how black-and-white Zelda is.) All Lokomos are wielders of
    powerful magic, some extremely so, and all ride around in strange contraptions
    that further emphasize just how far technology has advanced by the time of ST.
    Almost nothing is said about demons except that they are evil, and in any case
    only Malladus, Cole and, to an extent, Byrne give us examples of them. Malladus
    is their evil Demon King who wields exceptional evil magic, but they can all
    use lesser evil magic, especially Byrne, who turned his back on the light in
    order to become more evil. They appear to have some kind of relationship with
    the evil Dark Realm, but whether they come from there, or created it, or what,
    as well as whether or not it has any relationship to the Dark World of the
    original Hyrule, is unclear. In fact, as it stands the lack of information
    provided about demons is downright evil on Nintendo’s part.
    In many ways the Kikwi are the spiritual successors of the Kokiri and,
    especially, the Koroks, as they are a tiny tribe of mostly diminutive living
    plants. Their bodies are pliant wood and their faces formed by leaves with
    markings on them, but although they have distinctions in shape and colour they
    are mostly difficult to tell apart from one another. The exception to this rule
    is their boss, who is roughly twice Link's height while the others come up to
    his knees, and the elder, who is found at the top of the Great Tree. As you
    would probably guess, the Kikwis are forest spirits, but borderline useless.
    Although Bulblins seem incapable of speaking human languages, limiting our
    insight into their culture, we do get to visit their settlements a few times in
    Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword. Tribal and frequently nomadic, Bulblins
    seems quick to bow to whoever is the strongest, as both Ganondorf and Ghirahim
    easily recruited them to their respective causes. It is not difficult to
    believe that their primary source of survival would be hunting, as they are not
    seen to do much else; of course, we have only ever seen them as warriors, so
    perhaps more goes on at the main camps, if they exist. Their technology is
    quite limited, as they depend on extremely crude weapons like cleavers and
    clubs, yet they have also developed missile weapons and domestication, and are
    able to use tactics such as utilising horns for communication. Bulblins vary
    widely in physical appearance, but are consistently portrayed as horned,
    roughly man-sized goblinesque creatures whose eyes are typically yellow and
    whose skin may be red, blue or green.
    Perhaps the most interesting of the races introduced in Skyward Sword, Mogmas
    are creatures resembling large humanoid moles who spend their days and nights
    prowling around underground. They differ in the colour of their fur and the
    hats they wear, but nearly all of them are employed in searching for treasure.
    As such, their main contribution to the world is a set of mitts that aid in
    digging. They have a leader, but his authority seems to stem from respect more
    than obligation. They live in a system of caves at the foot of the volcano in
    Eldin Province.
    The Lanayru, if that is what they are really called (I pretty much just made
    the name up, whoo!), are a race of ancient robots bound together by electricity
    and magic. They've all but disappeared from the world of today, but their
    remnants can still be found in the mines and oceans of Lanayru Province. Though
    originally created as servants, they were the masters of the world in their own
    heyday, even going so far as to create the Timestones, gems of immense power
    capable of propelling all things within their sphere of influence back into the
    ancient past. Through this effect, they are able to momentarily resume the
    tasks in which they were embroiled when their world ended. They seem to enjoy a
    surprising variety of lifestyles.
    =~=Ladies’ Man=~=
    Some guys have all the luck. Link is just insanely attractive, I guess. Welcome
    to a section with no practical purpose whatsoever, a list of all the girls who
    have had a crush on Link, or been in love with him.
    -Medli (The Wind Waker)
    -Ruto (Ocarna of Time)
    -Nabooru (Ocarina of Time)
    -Deku Princess (Majora’s Mask)
    -Mrs Marie (The Wind Waker)
    -Clock Town’s Treasure Chest Game front desk girl (Majora’s Mask)
    -The Maku Tree (Oracle of Ages)
    -Lulu (Majora’s Mask)
    -Saria (Ocarina of Time)
    -Malon (Ocarina of Time)
    -Navi (Ocarina of Time)
    -Ilia (Twilight Princess)
    -Midna (Twilight Princess)
    -Rosa (Oracle of Seasons)
    -Beth – the little girl, not the Poe (Twilight Princess)
    -Marin (Link’s Awakening)
    -Ciela (Phantom Hourglass)
    -Kili, Hanna, and Misha (Twilight Princess)
    -The girl standing near the platform at Papuchia Village (Spirit Tracks)
    -Peatrice (Skyward Sword)
    And that’s if we preclude the ones who only MIGHT like him like that. And even
    if we do that, the list is still incomplete (because I made it in five
    seconds)! Life’s not fair, you know?
    No one person could ever compile a guide without missing a few things. Besides,
    it’s really the readers who count, isn’t it? What follows, in order of my
    receiving the message, gives proper credit to all the individuals who
    contributed to this guide in some way, be it with corrections, suggestions or
    bits and piece of information.
    Anna Bare – pointed out the Composer Brothers’ actual appearance in Ocarina
    brelen brelen – a few small things here and there
    Joao Paulo Hoppe – more on the Composer Brothers, corrected Dampe’s fee
    The Platinum Knight – more on the Composer Brothers
    Brie Fusaro – a note on Fado’s official gender (nothing official >_<)
    Jamie Fox-Canning – an assload of corrections (even if I disagreed with more
    than half of them ^_^)
    I forgot your name – somebody informed me that Bokoblins do not appear in TP,
    they are in fact called Bulblins, and that their leader is called King Bulblin,
    not Boss Bokoblin, a name I pulled out of my ass. I apologize for the omission
    of your name; contact me again if you would like to receive your due credit.
    cornishpete – information on Syrup
    Johnny Xtreme – informed me of the Postman's apparent descendant in TWW
    Jackie Smith – Hena sometimes scratches her back just like her ancient ancestor
    =~=Legal Garbage=~=
    I’ll get the important stuff out of the way first. The Legend of Zelda, all
    associated games and all affiliated characters, places, et cetera are copyright
    Nintendo of Japan, and Nintendo of America. They belong to it and are its
    exclusive intellectual property. This document does not constitute a challenge
    to that right; it is merely the expression of a fan.
    That said, all original content is mine – copyright Jacob Rothenburger. It may
    not be reproduced or distributed by any mode, except for personal, private use.
    Except for brief quotes, I will not kindly suffer plagiarism of this guide.
    Said quotes are acceptable only if they are relatively unmodified (‘...’ and ‘[
    ]’ for clarification is fine) and full credit is given to me. Not trying to be
    threatening, but seriously.
    Currently, only GameFAQs has the right to display this guide in any medium. No
    other publication, online, printed, or in any other form, may display it. If
    you see it on any other website, in whole or in part, please contact me (see
    If you are found to be in violation of the above regarding GameFAQs’
    exclusivity or plagiarism of my work, you will be asked at minimum to remove my
    guide from your publication, and may be required to pay some sum of money,
    including any royalties earned. People almost never actually steal FAQs, so I’m
    pretty sure even most FAQ writers don’t exactly know what the penalties are.
    While I’m at it, the mildly cool graphic at the top of the guide is (c) Adam
    Marx. You’re welcome to use it for your own guide, though why you would want to
    I have no idea. It took me like five minutes to make. Even so, if you decide to
    copypasta a little blurb in the acknowledgements or something would be boss.
    =~=Contact Information=~=
    I’ll wrap up with the Contact Information. Questions, comments, praise,
    criticisms, suggestions, spontaneous dancing, and especially corrections and
    more are all welcomed. If I get a lot of questions, perhaps I’ll even start an
    FAQs section. Actually, anything having to do with this guide or Zelda in
    general is fun to get.
    Here's my e-mail:
    spongebathbill (at) gmail (dot) com
    This, too, has been horribly disfigured, though not to the nigh-unrecognizable
    level at which it once soared. This is just to stop bots and stuff from
    latching onto my address and sending me pointless things. The (at) and (dot)
    are just for show. Type @ where it says (at) and . where it says (dot). This is
    just a method of crowd control, you have my apologies.
    Try to be clear in your subject or you may be blocked. I need ‘Zelda character
    guide’ or something similar to ensure I even open it, ‘cause I really don’t
    want to have to deal with stuff I don’t want to have to deal with.
    =~=In Closing=~=
    Well, I hope you enjoyed my Zelda Series Character Guide. This guide did get
    rushed so I could get it out before Twilight Princess hit and a deluge of
    guides overwhelmed this one, so it was pretty fatiguing. As an added side
    effect, the hurried nature of the work may have taken you on a roller coaster
    ride in terms of writing quality, but I hope I at least kept it up to a
    moderately decent standard. Yes, moderately decent, something we can all aspire
    Well, there’s always new content I could add; I’m always kicking around ideas
    for expanding my work, and there’s certainly a lot of profiles I could have
    done and a few more possible sections that show potential.
    Whatever happens, you can rest assured I will try to keep up with the new
    releases and endeavour to chronicle the new generations of amazing characters
    that the Big N comes up with.
    End of Document

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