POKEMON: EMERALD VERSION
A GameFAQs Guide by Mitchell Linton
Began: August 31, 2006
Updated: February 24, 2007
E-mail: mitchelllinton@yahoo.com

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|                           TABLE OF CONTENTS                          | 
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|                                                                      |
| 1.   The Mitchell Linton Story...........................[deodorant] |
| 2.   Versions............................................[mouthwash] |
| 3.   Introduction.......................................[toothpaste] |
| 4.   Pokemon for Beginners..........................[hand sanitizer] |
| 5.   Walkthrough......................................[cotton swabs] |
|      5.01  The Journey Begins.................................[soap] |
|      5.02  The Stone Badge.................................[shampoo] |
|      5.03  The Knuckle Badge...........................[conditioner] |
|      5.04  The Dynamo Badge.............................[acne scrub] |
|      5.05  The Heat Badge....................................[floss] |
|      5.06  The Balance Badge...................[fingernail clippers] |
|      5.07  The Feather Badge.....................[nosehair trimmers] |
|      5.08  The Mind Badge.............................[toilet paper] |
|      5.09  The Rain Badge..........................[clean underwear] |
|      5.10  The Elite Four............................[rash medicine] |
|      5.11  The Last Parts of Hoenn.................[calamine lotion] |
|      5.12  The Battle Frontier..................[pinkeye medication] |
| 6.   Checklist......................................[electric razor] |
| 7.   Pokedex..........................................[corn remover] |
| 8.   Items  .....................................[aftershave lotion] |
| 9.   TMs/HMs.......................................[cold sore cream] |
| 10.  Berry List............................................[tissues] |
| 11   Trick Master's House............................[drool-be-gone] |
| 12.  Gym Leader/Elite Four Guide.....................[Preparation H] |
| 13.  Rivals Guide.........................................[flu shot] |
| 14.  FAQ......................................[shower to begin with] |
| 15.  Credits & Thanks..............................[don't be French] |
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|For easier search, just press Ctrl+F and type in the products or ways |
|  I could improve my hygiene but don't in the brackets next to the    |
|              section to take you where you want to go!               |
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|                  THE MITCHELL LINTON STORY             |  deodorant  |
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A long time ago, in a galaxy not too far away (about driving distance),
there lived a simple young boy. No one could see anything special about
him, but little did they know that he would one day change their entire
lives forever. You see, this boy, named Mitchell, had a dream. A dream
that, to most people, remained distant and among the unreachable. But
not to Mitchell. He felt in his heart that one day, if he worked hard
enough, he would accomplish his ultimate goal: to write a GameFAQs guide
that was highly informative, but gave any no major plot spoilers.

All of his noble life, he traveled around the world, in search of the
key ingredients to fulfill his quest. He explored the depths of the
unknown, squared off against monsters, and conquered every obstacle 
that blocked his path. After years of countless trials and tribulations, 
he finally mastered the art of the GameFAQs. However, there was one who
managed to stall his lifelong mission. A girl named Luanda stole his 
heart, and shared with him lessons of love that he would soon never 
forget. Nevertheless, Mitchell knew he needed to leave the only person
he ever cared for in order to complete his destiny. Before his final
expedition, he arranged to meet with her one last time.

"Luanda," he began, "I must leave you."

"I know," she said with a sigh. "I always knew you would go off and
finish what you were always meant to begin. But why? Haven't you
finally found true happiness with me?"

"I have. But this cannot be helped. I must put this unalleviated hunt
to rest once and for all. It's in my blood."

"But listen to reason!" Luanda pleaded with him. "You don't have to do
anything! If you're happy here, you shouldn't force yourself to leave."

"Damn it, woman! You just don't understand." Mitchell turned his back
on her, not able to bear the look of anguish on her lovely face. "All 
of my life, I have longed to complete the perfect GameFAQs guide. If I 
relent now, what does that say about me? I just cannot live with a 
guilty conscience like that!"

Luanda buried her tear-drenched face in her palms, as she now realized
her undying adoration was not enough to stop a man from his ambitions. 
Mitchell turned back and lent a comforting hand on her shoulder. Once
she revealed the sparkling eyes he treasured so much, he reminded her
in a soft truthful tone, "I will always love you, my butterfly."

"Promise me you'll return...alive," she added as she placed her 
delicate hand over his.

"I'll do my best," was all he could guarantee. They engaged in one
last passionate kiss before he departed into his spaceship, unsure of
the challenges that awaited him. Luanda watched him fade away into
the night sky, wondering when and if her gallant hero will once again
return.

Will Mitchell be successful in his quest for completing the all-around
best GameFAQs guide ever? Can he answer all gamers' questions regarding
some of the trickiest puzzles and battles in video game history? And is
the jerk who wrote this on crack or something? These questions will be
answered...by you! Just follow the guide before you, and you can be the
judge whether or not Mitchell Linton was able to perfect the most
instructive and spoiler-free strategy manual ever! Or you can just spit
on it and make fun of how stupid I am. Either way, enjoy the following
guide presented by the self-proclaimed King of GameFAQs!


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|                          VERSIONS                      |  mouthwash  |
|                                                        |             |
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Version 1.0: Walkthrough, FAQ, and other crap complete. I'll make re-
             visions where necessary later. I will also put in a Poke-
             dex whenever I feel like it. Don't you dare pressure me!

Version 1.1: Just updated a few things, including a heartbreaking mess-
             ages involving my Pokedex.

Version 1.2: Fixed up some crap. Probably the last time I'm updating
             this unless some psycho points a gun to my head (though
             I'm the biggest psycho I know).


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|                        INTRODUCTION                   |  toothpaste  |
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Hello all, and welcome to Mitchell Linton's (a.k.a.: iamhungry) guide to
Pokemon Emerald! It is the third game of the third installment of the
Pokemon RPGs, so I guess that means its lucky or something. While the
Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald games greatly improved graphics and gameplay, it
still hasn't lived up to the expectations of the previous two series.
Nevertheless, it's a pretty good game that can get you addicted if you
aren't careful. I have to go to meetings twice a week because of this!
Plus, Emerald added a plethora of new stuff to the Hoenn games that made
it more concise and enjoyable to play, including the new kick-ass Battle
Frontier. So let's get this party started, yo! Just pretend I didn't say 
that.

GAME BOY ADVANCE CONTROLS:
D-Pad  - Move character, scroll through options
Start  - Bring up/put away pause menu
Select - Move items and attacks, use registered item
A      - Confirm, Talk, Examine
B      - Decline, Cancel, Run
L      - Nothing
R      - Nothing


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|                 POKEMON FOR BEGINNERS             |  hand sanitizer  |
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Okay, if you are new to this Pokemon ordeal, youíve come to the right 
place. Although you could just buy the game and look in the little 
manual that comes with it to find out everything Iím about to explain to 
you in this section, Iím glad that youíve chosen to rely on me instead.
*laughs evilly at you* However, you should only read this if you find it
necessary. Usually, one is able to play the game without prior knowledge 
of what to do by just going with the flow. I mean, who really reads the
manual?! Ikea buyers, can I get a "What what"?


WHAT THE FUDGE ARE POKEMON ANYWAY?
----------------------------------

I'm glad you asked in such a non-derogatory manner. First off, "Pokemon"
is short for Pocket Monster. But since that's kind of dumb, just call
them Pokemon. Here's the basic premise behind them. Pokemon are really
just magical animals that you can catch and carry around in compact
compartments so you may release them to do your bidding. It's kind of
like if you had a dog with fire breath that you're allowed to sic on the
neighbor's cat. Nothing unethical about that, is there? In the Pokemon
world, Pokemon trainers search the world to find the best Pokemon they
can catch, and then battle with them to see who's the greatest trainer
around. Some people only use Pokemon as pets, while others revolve their
entire meaningless lives around them for sport. You're going to be one
of the latter. Aren't you special?


BATTLING WITH POKEMON
---------------------

To become stronger, Pokemon must battle. If they donít battle, then 
whatís the point of you having the game? Jeez, if youíre just going to 
waste it, give it to a poor Ethiopian kid for Peteís sake. The first 
Pokemon in your party will be automatically sent out when you engage in 
a battle. You can switch the order of your party at any time. When your 
Pokemon comes face to face with another, you have the opinion of four 
choices: 

Fight 
Item 
Pokemon 
Run 

When Fight is selected, your Pokemonís moves will be displayed. Four is 
the maximum number of moves a Pokemon can have. Choose an attack and the
battle sequence begins. Whichever Pokemon has the higher Speed is given 
the liberty of attacking first. Some moves do damage and others do not. 
Each attack has a type so use them to your advantage. They also have a 
certain amount of PP, the number next to the attack. That shows how many
times you can use the attack. When it reaches 0, you can no longer use 
it. Generally, stronger moves have less PP. And if the letters PP made 
you think of urination in anyway, may God help you. 

When you click on the Pokemon option, you go to a screen of Pokemon. You 
can select switch in which you switch in a Pokemon and waste a turn, or 
just check a Pokemon's stats. You always go first when switching unless 
your opponent using the attack Pursuit. 

When Item is chosen, you can use an item in battle if it can be used, 
but you can't attack afterwards. You always go first unless Pursuit is 
used. 

Run is escape from battle. You can only run from wild Pokemon; running 
away from trainers is forbidden. You donít lose anything if you run from 
a wild Pokemon (except for your pride, you pansy).

With that being said, let's review the two kinds of battles: Trainer and 
Wild. To start a wild Pokemon battle, just go to a place wild Pokemon 
may live. They are usually found in grasses but they also live in caves, 
oceans, abandoned buildings, and more. They are random battles consist-
ing of one Pokemon. The only reward you get from winning is experience. 
Only certain Pokemon are in certain areas. 

Trainers usually hang out at just about anywhere except cities and 
towns. To start a battle with them, let them make eye contact with you. 
Trainer battles are a bit different from wild Pokemon battles. First, 
you cannot run so make sure you have Pokemon in good shape. Second, they 
will have more than one Pokemon usually, including Pokemon you cannot 
Find in the wild or that area. They are smarter and are a higher level 
than those wild Pokemon. Third, you will get both experience and money 
as a reward.


CATCHING THESE FUDGING THINGS
-----------------------------

Catching Pokemon is essential. You need to have a wide variety of 
Pokemon on your team and getting all 386 is part of the fun, if you call 
endless nights of playing, hard labor, wasting time and money, and cont-
inuously doing pretty much the same thing with every Pokemon over and 
over and over again fun! *sigh* Here's how to do it. 

First, get into a wild Pokemon battle. Weaken the Pokemon down to red to 
low yellow health. Now go to the item screen, press right till you are 
in the balls pocket (shut up, sicko), and use one of your Pokeballs. 
Each Pokemon's catch rate can differ. Generally, the higher level the 
Pokemon and the rarer it is the harder to catch. Legendaries are by far 
the hardest Pokemon to catch. 

Each Pokeball also has a catch rate which can affect the chances of the 
Pokemon staying in the Pokeball. The basic ones are Pokeball, Great 
Ball, Ultra Ball, and Master Ball, but there are several others in 
which you can get. 

The Pokemon's status can also affect the difficulty of capturing it. Try 
to get it to fall asleep or even better, frozen (I'll explain those in a
bit). Any other status will work fine but with these two, the Pokemon 
doesn't have a chance of fainting itself and can not attack. 

Remember that some Pokemon may be holding items that will help them.


A POKEMON'S STATS
-----------------

There are six different stats that each Pokemon have. Here they are: 

HP: Stands for hit points. When you have 0, your Pokemon faints. 

Attack: Decides how strong your physical attacks are along with a move's 
base power. 

Defense: Decides how much damage you take from physical attacks. 

Special Attack: Decides how strong your special attacks are along with a 
move's base power. 

Special Defense: Decides how much damage you take from special attacks. 

Speed: The Pokemon with higher speed goes first. On wild Pokemon 
battles, if your Pokemon is fast it also has a higher chance of running 
away when selected. 

The higher the stats are, the better they are. Different Pokemon have 
different stats then others. Usually higher level Pokemon have better 
stats.

A new addition to the third generation games are Abilities. All Pokemon
has a specific ability that will alter how to fight with it (or defeat
it). For example, Oddish has the ability Chlorophyll, which will double
its Speed when there is sunny weather about. There are several abilities
out there, and I suggest you take a few hours or days out of your point-
less life to learn them all. Hehe, sucker.


CRAPPY CONDITIONS
-----------------

When battling sometimes Pokemon have attacks that may change your normal 
condition. These will impede on your battling abilities and are very 
annoying. There are two kinds of conditions, direct and indirect. 

You can only have one direct condition at a time and it will say so 
above your HP. They stay after the battle and when switched and can only 
be cured when you go to a Pokemon Center or use a special item. These 
conditions are: 

Poison (PSN): Takes about 1/16 out of a poisoned Pokemonís total HP each 
turn in battle. Outside of battle, it takes away 1HP every four steps. 
You will know when this happens because you will hear a really annoying 
noise and the screen will distort for a millisecond. There is also a 
special poison condition when Toxic is used. This starts off taking only 
1/16th of your max HP, but doubles every turn until switched. 

Sleep (SLP): Cannot attack unless you use a special move for being 
asleep. Wakes up after two to five turns. 

Freeze (FRZ): Cannot attack for two to five turns. Frozen Pokemon 
getting hit with a Fire attack automatically defrosts. 

Paralyze (PRZ): Speed is cut in half. Paralyzed Pokemon have a 30% 
chance of not being able to attack and wasting a turn. 

Burn (BRN): Attack is cut in half. Takes about 1/8 out of a burned 
Pokemonís total HP each turn. 

Faint (FNT): User cannot stay or be sent into battle. 

Indirect status conditions are not mentioned directly. Many of these are 
incurable by items and are eliminated by switching out or ending the 
battle. Here's a list of some indirect conditions: 

Confusion: 50% chance of confused Pokemon attacking itself. Damage 
determined by Attack and Defense. 

Leech Seed: Seeded Pokemon will have 1/8 of its total HP drained and 
given to its opponent. 

Attract: 50% chance of attracted Pokemon not attacking. Eliminated if 
either Pokemon are switched out or fainted.


POKEMON TYPES
-------------

Each Pokemon has a type (some even have two). Moves also have types. 
Types determine how effective a type move is against another. All these 
Pokemon types do affect the battle. Some types of attacks are strong 
against others. If the Pokemon is dual type, things aren't much 
different. If one type is strong against another, it does 2x the damage. 
If both types are weak to the attack, it does a whopping 4x the damage. 
If the type is resistant to the attack, it does 1/2 the damage. If the 
type is immune to the attack, it does no damage. If one type is weak to 
the attack but the other attack is resistant to it, the damage will be 
normal. Sometimes critical hits and added effects happen on moves. Are 
you following this? 

Here are the Pokemon and move types: 

Normal (No)
Fire (Fi) 
Water (Wa)
Electric (El)
Grass (Gr)
Ice (Ic)
Fighting (Ft)
Poison (Po)
Ground (Gd)
Flying (Fl)
Psychic (Ps)
Bug (Bu)
Rock (Ro)
Ghost (Gh)
Dragon (Dr)
Dark (Da)
Steel (St)

For example, Fire type Pokemon are weak against Water type moves, so it 
does 2x the damage. Fire type moves aren't very effective against Water 
type Pokemon, so it does .5x the damage. Fighting and Electric are 
normal damage to each other, so a Fighting type move on an Electric type 
Pokemon does 1x the damage. There are a lot of combinations, so watch 
out for them. Here's the freaking chart for all of the types abilities 
against one another:

O : 2x damage
- : 1x damage
X : 0.5x damage
/ : No damage


       TYPE OF POKEMON ATTACKED

       No Fi Wa El Gr Ic Ft Po Gd Fl Ps Bu Ro Gh Dr Da St

T  No  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  X  /  -  -  X
Y  Fi  -  X  X  -  O  O  -  -  -  -  -  O  X  -  X  -  O  
P  Wa  -  O  X  -  X  -  -  -  O  -  -  -  O  -  X  -  -
E  El  -  -  O  X  X  -  -  -  /  O  -  -  -  -  X  -  -
   Gr  -  X  O  -  X  -  -  X  O  X  -  X  O  -  X  -  X
O  Ic  -  X  X  -  O  X  -  -  O  O  -  -  -  -  O  -  X
F  Ft  O  -  -  -  -  O  -  X  -  X  X  X  O  /  -  O  O
   Po  -  -  -  -  O  -  -  X  X  -  -  -  X  X  -  -  /
M  Gd  -  O  -  O  X  -  -  O  -  /  -  X  O  -  -  -  O
O  Fl  -  -  -  X  O  -  O  -  -  -  -  O  X  -  -  -  X
V  Ps  -  -  -  -  -  -  O  O  -  -  X  -  -  -  -  /  X
E  Bu  -  X  -  -  O  -  X  X  -  X  O  -  -  X  -  O  X
   Ro  -  O  -  -  -  O  X  -  X  O  -  O  -  -  -  -  X
U  Gh  /  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  O  -  -  O  -  X  X
S  Dr  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  O  -  X
E  Da  -  -  -  -  -  -  X  -  -  -  O  -  -  O  -  X  X
D  St  -  X  X  X  -  O  -  -  -  -  -  -  O  -  -  -  X


And if you connect all of the Xs and Os, you'll spell out a hidden mess-
age! Hehe, that'll keep you occupied while I'll make myself a sandwich.


AH, THEY'RE GROWING UP SO FAST!
-------------------------------

Pokemon become stronger by battling other Pokemon, whether they are wild 
or trained. As Pokemon become stronger, they also learn better moves. 
You can keep up to 4 moves. When you're trying to learn a new move, they 
will first ask if you want to keep that attack, then you go to a screen 
where you choose the attack you want to delete. If you select no or the 
new move, then the game will ask if you are sure you don't want to learn 
the new move. Say yes or no. To reach a certain level, a Pokemon needs a 
certain amount of EXP Points. You automatically gain these when you make 
your opponent faint. Pokemon also have different growth rates. Some 
Pokemon get to level 100 with only 600,000 experience, but some can take 
more than 1.5 million.

At a certain level, most Pokemon turn into stronger creatures, or evolve 
(blasphemy!). They will have higher stats, but sometimes they will not 
learn attacks they could only learn in their previous stage and they 
learn new attacks more slowly. Some Pokemon even evolve twice! If you 
wish to stop evolution, press B when the Pokemon is evolving. Some 
Pokemon require a certain condition in order to evolve although most 
evolve with level. There is: 

Level: Evolves at a certain level. 

Stone: You need to use a certain evolution stone. 

Trade: Trade it with a friend, and get that sucker back. 

Taming: Make the Pokemon happy by giving it vitamins, battling with it, 
and never letting it faint. Probably the hardest and stupidest to do.


GETTIN' IT ON, BABY
-------------------

Breeding is an essential thing to raising good Pokemon. There are many 
advantages to it, such as passing new moves and TMs or getting multiples 
of rare one of a kind Pokemon. Get a male Pokemon and a female Pokemon 
in the same egg group and putting them both in a Breeding Center. Come 
back later and you may find an egg. Walk around a lot, and it will 
eventually hatch into a Level 5 Pokemon. 

Most Pokemon can breed with a Ditto, even if it doesnít have a gender. 
There are a few that arenít allowed to breed at all. If you put two 
Pokemon in the Breeding Center and the man says that the two donít like 
each other, then there is a high chance of the two not breeding. 

When breeding two different species, the egg will always be the species 
of the female (unless Ditto is used, then it will be the one other than 
Ditto). The egg can take a certain amount of steps before hatching 
depending on the Pokemon.


SOME GOOD IDEAS
---------------

There are some essential things that you should do that are vital in the 
game. These tips are sure to help beginning players: 

- Save often. This is a must in every game. Do especially after tough 
  battles and before a legendary or Gym Leader. 

- When you reach a town, the first thing you should do is go to a Poke-
  mon Center and heal your party unless a guide says not to. 

- Have at least 10 balls with you (12 if you're male). You never know if
  a rare Pokemon comes up. 

- Don't use your Master Ball unless you are facing a legendary that can 
  run (*cough* Raikou, Suicine, Entei *cough*). 

- Have a wide variety of moves so that you can have an attack that is 
  super effective to all types. 

- Have HM Slaves. Stick worthless HMs on Pokemon you won't use so that 
  your "good" team won't have useless attacks. 

- Each type of trainer (going by sprite) usually holds specific types of 
  Pokemon. Ex: Hikers usually hold Rock types and Machop/Zubat and have 
  a fat sprite (you'd think hikers would burn some of it off).

- Search around in each area of grass for new Pokemon.


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|                                                     |                |
|                       WALKTHROUGH                   |  cotton swabs  |
|                                                     |                |
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Now that we've gotten all of that straightened out, LET'S DO THIS THING!
Push in the game, turn on your Game Boy, sit back, and watch the opening
movie thing. Wasn't that great?! Press Start to go to two choices. Let's
screw around with the options for a sec. Set your text speed, sound, and
border frame. Battle scene means whether or not you want to see the att-
acks during a battle. Make sure it's on to get the full Pokemon expir-
ence. In Battle Style, there are two choices: Shift and Set. Shift means
you can switch a Pokemon while in battle mode, and set means you must
keep the same one out until it faints. It really doesn't matter. I sugg-
est you go with Shift, even if you're an expert, just so it's easier to
strategize. Button Mode switches around the configuration of the con-
troler, so I suggest you leave it on Normal. When you're done, press B, 
and click on New Game!


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|                          Chapter One:                       |        |
|                       THE JOURNEY BEGINS                    |  soap  |
|                                                             |        |
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LITTLEROOT TOWN
---------------

Answer the obvious questions at the beginning. Make sure you check your
own body to see if you got your gender correct, then input your name.
I'm sorry, Mohammed, but you're only allowed seven letters to a name.
After that, scroll through the crap this Birch guy has to say to begin
your game.

Once you can move, exit this small compartment to your right. That's 
rather mean how you get stuck riding in the cargo truck. What, your mom 
couldn't spring for an extra plane ticket? Enter the house and go up-
stairs once your mom stops gabbing. Next to you is a clock on the wall.
Click on it and input the time on the analog clock (who has those any-
more?). Unlike in the previous games, the time has hardly any implicat-
ion in Emerald. In fact, there are only two I can think of. That really
blows. Before you go back downstairs, look at your desk in the upper
corner of your room. On one side, you can find out some pretty import-
ant (or if you played Pokemon before: obvious) information on how to
control the game. Now go on that computer on the other side. Choose Item
Storage, then Withdraw Item, then Potion. Congrats, you received a
POTION! These will be vital when you start battling. Now go downstairs.

After another little talk from your mother, exit the house altogether.
Depending on your gender, you're either the house on the upper-left side
or the upper-right side. Whatever it is, go to the house on the other
side and enter it. After you introduce yourself to Mrs. Birch, go up-
stairs and click on the red and white ball in the center of the room. At
that point, somebody will barge into the room. If you're playing as a
boy, an annoying broad named May will start talking to you. If you're a
girl (or a sick guy playing as a girl), you'll meet a cocky jerk named 
Brendan. Whatever the case, this person will be your rival in the game.
Every Pokemon game has a rival that you'll catch up with every now and
then. What sucks about this game is that you aren't allowed to name him/
her like in the previous games. Damn, I always like to give my rival a
curse word for a name (i.e.: Assface).

Go back outside and talk to the folks around here. When you're ready, go
north to where this enormous town ends. Yes, I was using sarcasm. Get
used to it, because I'm the Sarcastic King (I was knighted or some-
thing). Ahhh! You must save Prof. Birch from a raccoon! Wait, a raccoon?
What kind of pansy is this guy? Whatever, just click on the bag here and
you'll be given the choice of three Pokemon. Whatever you pick now will
be your starting Pokemon forever, so choose wisely. Since I'm a nice
guy, I'll critique them for you. Yes, I know, I love you too.

TREECKO - This here is a Grass type Pokemon. It will learn some good
          attacks like Slam and Leaf Blade down the stretch where it
          proves itself to be the fastest of the three. Also, it will be
          pretty good against the first Gym Leader's tough Rock Pokemon.
          However, just like in the other Pokemon games, Grass isn't a
          real necessity in every winner's team.

TORCHIC - A Fire type starter is always a plus since other Fires are
          hard to come by in the wild. But when you evolve this guy, it
          will gain a sweet second type: Fighting. Teach it some cool
          karate chopping moves like Brick Break or Sky Uppercut and it
          will use its high Attack score to your advantage. Good luck
          using it in the first Gym though.

MUDKIP - The infamous Water starter. While Treecko and Torchic are great
         choices, Mudkip is by far the best of the pack. You absolutely
         can't go anywhere in this game without a Water type, and it is
         probably the coolest one around. It will also get a dual-type
         when it evolves, making it a Water/Ground type. It's only weak-
         ness will be Grass at that point, and there are no major Grass
         trainers in the entire game. Give it Surf and Earthquake, and 
         you've got an unstoppable force. You can even train it the en-
         tire game and beat it with one Pokemon in your party, although
         I don't recommend it (the game kind of loses its fun that way).

Hurry and pick one (Birch might have gotten rabies already during the
time you spent reading the above explanations), and you'll be launched
into battle. If you have no bloody idea what you're doing in battle
mode, scroll up to the Pokemon for Beginners section. It's pretty easy
though. You'll face a Lv2 Zigzagoon that only has Tackle and Growl. Just
do Pound/Scratch/Tackle a couple times and you've won your first battle. 
That was freaking easy! Birch will bring you to his lab.

He'll give you that Pokemon you just battled with as thanks and gives
you the option to nickname it. I prefer it just to add a little spice to
my life (it's sad when Pokemon is the most exciting thing I ever do).
He'll then ask you to look for Brendan/May and teach him/her a thing or
two. Exit the lab, then go north and exit Littleroot.


ROUTE 101
---------

Notice the weird plants to your left. That is wild grass; where a lot of 
Pokemon are found. Walk around in it and you'll be launched into a bat-
tle with a wild Pokemon. Unfortunately, you can't catch them yet, but
you might as well fight them for Exp. Points. Poor unsuspecting saps.
Here are the percentage rates for the Pokemon in the wild grass on this
route.

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 101  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Poochyena    |   50%   |
|Wurmple      |   25%   |
|Zigzagoon    |   25%   |
 -----------------------

This game picked up on something completely absent from the Gold/Silver/
Crystal games: a Dark that you can catch early on. I mean REALLY early
on. Poochyena is that Pokemon. However, this mutt's stats are pretty
much down the toilet even compared to the other crappy dudes here, and
it won't get much better when it evolves at Lv18. Plus, it hardly learns 
any attacks naturally, making it one of the most useless guys out there. 
Zigzagoon is very similar stats wise. If you've played Pokemon before, 
this is the Rattata of the RSE games: a weak Normal type that you'll see 
a million times during your adventure. It's fast, but not worth using. 
Wurmple is an odd fellow. This Bug will evolve at Lv7 into one of two 
cocoon Pokemon randomly. Both are exactly the same at first, but at Lv10 
it'll evolve again into another Pokemon (Silcoon into Bug/Flying Beauti-
fly; Cascoon into Bug/Poison Dustox). I prefer Beautifly myself, but 
it's completely random.

You have to be mentally retarded to get lost on this road (in other
words, I got lost on this road). From the first wild grass you see, go
north and right immediately into the next grass. Next walk up again then
left a bit until you may go north once more into Oldale Town.


OLDALE TOWN
-----------

The first thing you probably notice is the red-roofed building with the
letters PC on the front. This is a Pokemon Center! Enter it and talk to
the lady behind the counter to have your Pokemon healed up...for free!
Shibby! In real life, I need to take a second job after I go to the doc-
tors! There is also a computer thinger in here that will let you with-
draw or deposit Pokemon and items. That will be convenient later on,
trust me (although I can tell you don't trust me already).

Go to the house directly right of the Center but don't enter it. Instead
talk to the person standing outside it. He (or she, I'm not quite sure)
will direct you to the Pokemart and give you a free POTION! Man, they
are just giving away crap in this town! By the way, a Potion will heal
your Pokemon's HP by 20, in case you're getting low in the middle of a
battle. Inside the Mart you can buy more Potions, plus an assortment of
other things. ANTIDOTE cures Poisoning, PARLYZ HEAL takes care of Paral-
ysis, and AWAKENING heals sleeping Pokemon.

You cannot take the route west of here, so go north and explore that
area.


ROUTE 103
---------

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 103  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Poochyena    |   64%   |
|Wingull      |    8%   |
|Zigzagoon    |   28%   |
 -----------------------

Wingull will be way more common as you progress, but here's your first
chance to catch one (once you get Pokeballs). This dude is a Water/
Flying, which means you can teach two of the games most important moves 
all to one Pokemon. It gains a pretty good move, Wing Attack, at Lv13, 
making it a good early choice. Also, its stats will all nearly double 
(except Speed) when it evolves into Pelipper at Lv25! Good luck trying 
to find one now though.

Zigzag your way around here until you find that kid you met in Little-
root. If you talk to him/her, you will be launched into your first
trainer battle! Oh crapshait! Brendan/May will have the weakness of
whatever you chose as your first: if you have Treecko, he/she has Tor-
chic; if you have Torchic, he/she has Mudkip; if you have Mudkip, he/she
has Treecko. If you leveled up your guy at least once or twice with the
wild Pokemon, this will be cake. Just keep attacking it and remember you
have a few Potions in case you own HP is low. When Brendan/May is de-
feated, he/she'll tell you to return to Prof. Birch's Lab.


BACK TO LITTLEROOT
------------------

Hop over the ledges for a shortcut south back to Oldale, then continue
to Littleroot. Enter Prof. Birch's lab to get into a long boring-ass
conversation. When it's all said and done, you'll receive your handy-
dandy POKEDEX! This will record all the Pokemon you'll see on your jour-
ney. Brendan/May will also give you some POKEBALLS for catching crap.
Mazel tov!

Exit the Lab and go near your house. Your dear sweet mother (who throws
you in the moving van) will stop you and give you a pair of RUNNING
SHOES! Do they really need instructions? Just press B while moving to
go faster. I don't think it's too difficult to understand...maybe. Now
return to Oldale and catch stuff in the surrounding routes if you wish.
You can even buy some more Pokeballs in the Mart here! Now that's ser-
vice! When you're all set, exit Oldale to the west.


ROUTE 102
---------

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 102  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Lotad        |   30%   |
|Poochyena    |   30%   |
|Ralts        |    6%   |
|Seedot       |    4%   |
|Wurmple      |   20%   |
|Zigzagoon    |   10%   |
 -----------------------

Tons of new crap to catch with your newly acquired Pokeballs. Lotad has
the odd never-before-attempted combination of Grass and Water, cutting
down on a bunch of weaknesses. It has high Special Attack and Defense,
(perfect for its dual type) and can learn high powered attacks for both
of them. Its partner in Grass crime (if you know what I mean), Seedot,
thrives on high Attack and Physical moves. It will take on a new roll as
a half-Dark type at Lv14, but hardly gets any Dark moves. Still a pretty
decent dude. Ralts is definitely the best. A good Psychic type is a must
for every party, and its hard to get more gooder than this guy. Hehe, my
English professor would castrate me if she heard me say that. Anyway,
Ralts has excellent Special Attack that can blow away basically anything
in its path. You'll need to search quite a bit for one, but it's worth
your precious time.

There are a few trainers on this road that will challenge you to a bat-
tle if you get in their line of sight, so be weary. Keep south where
Youngster Calvin will come at you. Use his easy Pokemon for Exp., then
continue west and north. At the very top, go right a bit and you'll see
some odd looking trees. These are berries that you can actually pick!
In Gold/Silver/Crystal, they touched upon Berries a bit, but they blow
them out of proportion in this game. There are 43 different berries in
Emerald that do 43 different things, but most aren't that important.
The two here however you may want to keep in mind. ORAN BERRIES have the
same effect as a regular Berry in GSC: automatically heals 10HP if a
Pokemon holding it is getting low. PECHA BERRIES will cure a Pokemon of
Poisoning, which you might have trouble with soon. Notice that the trees
are gone once you pick them. You actually need to plant new trees in
their place in order to obtain more berries. To do so, click on the dark
soil and plant a berry of whatever you want in the spot. Depending on 
the berry, it will take a certain amount of time to grow back. For Oran
and Pecha, it will be a half-day. Also, make sure you have at least one
of each berry you find in your bag; some can only be picked in a certain
spot and will be gone forever if you use them all without planting some
more.

Now that our little gardening lesson is over, go straight left. When you
hit wild grass, walk south, hop over the ledge, click on the item ball,
and you'll have yet another POTION! Get out of this area and go west
once more to our next destination.


PETALBURG CITY
--------------

Heal up at this Pokemon Center here. You can also talk to the guy next
to the PC. He's collecting profiles and wonders if you want to make one
of your own. Input a four word phrase from the choices they give you.
The words are limited, but you can come up with something good if you're
creative and/or demented enough.

The Mart here sells some new items you may be interested in. ESCAPE
ROPES will teleport you out of a cave or forest (*cough* like the one
we're about to enter *cough*) right away. REPEL is a handy spray that
will ward off Pokemon weaker than you for a 100 steps. So what if its
responsible for global warming, I'm still using it! The X stat in-
creasers will up the designated stat for a battle; not really worth it.
And don't buy the mail thingers either, for they're only useful if you
have friends, and if you're still playing Pokemon, you probably don't
have any friends (I'm living proof).

Try to leave this "city" to the left and some jerk will stop you and
lead you to the Gym. Oh, might as well check it out. Talk to the man
here and you'll discover *breathes like Darth Vader* he is your father.
Blah blah blah, and some kid will come in asking for a Pokemon. You need
to show him how to catch one. You'll be sent to the grass in Route 102
until a wild Pokemon appears. Oh sure, HE finds a Ralts right off the
bat! This is designed to be a little tutorial on how to catch stuff, but
you probably should have figured that out already.

After that Wally kid leaves the Gym, your father will ask you to take
the Pokemon League Challenge and win some Gym Badges. Alright, Dad, but
this is the last time you try to mold me into what you want. Remember
when you forced me to join Little League all those years? Did I ever hit
the ball once?! Fouls don't count! Sorry, just a little past emotional
trauma there. Now it's time to embark on our real journey. Take the west
exit out of this town.


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                          |           |
|                        Chapter Two:                      |           |
|                      THE STONE BADGE                     |  shampoo  |
|                                                          |           |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

ROUTE 104 SOUTH
---------------

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 104  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Marill       |   12%   |
|Poochyena    |   32%   |
|Taillow      |   12%   |
|Wingull      |   12%   |
|Wurmple      |   32%   |
 -----------------------

What was up with that weird guy in the sunglasses? Whatever. Wingull's
a little more common here, but not by much. Another Flying type,
Taillow, is more or less the Pidgey of the game. It's fast and has some
good moves, but I recommend you use a Flyer that has a dual type other
than Normal (like Wingull!). And then there's Marill. This pure Water
thing is slow as crap and has no Attack whatsoever. Even when it evolves
at Lv15, it hardly gets any better. You'll have plenty of time to snag
a water Pokemon if you don't already have one.

Down in the beachy part are some trainers eager to be beat, so prove
your worth on them. North on this road is a house, but there's nothing
in it. However, there are some berries northeast of there! Take some
more PECHA and ORAN BERRIES for the road, then plant some more. You have
a nice green thumb there. Now walk left, beat the Lady here, and north
into the scary forest.


PETALBURG WOODS
---------------

 -----------------------------
|  PETALBURG WOODS  | % RATES |
 -----------------------------
|Cascoon            |    8%   |
|Poochyena          |   12%   |
|Shroomish          |   20%   |
|Silcoon            |    8%   |
|Slakoth            |   16%   |
|Taillow            |    4%   |
|Wurmple            |   32%   |
 -----------------------------

There are some Cascoons and Silcoons wandering around here in case you
don't want to take a chance on Wurmple's evolution. However, they can be
rather difficult to catch. Shroomish is yet another Grass type that's a
pretty good choice. Sweet moves like Mega Drain and Headbutt will come
about as you train it, not to mention Mach Punch and Sky Uppercut when
it evolves into a Grass/Fighting at Lv23. Sure it's stats stink other
than Attack, but you'll hardly need them with all the one-hit-KOs you
might be doing. Slakoth and its evolutions could've been good as well.
Its stats all grow exponentially the higher it levels up, which is per-
fect for a dude that can be taught about 3/4 of the TMs (we'll get to
them later). What's the problem, you ask? Its ability, Truant, only
allows it to attack every other turn, which can be a downer in heated
battles. It's one of the few negative abilities in the game, and those
jerks at Nintendo just had to give it to a good Pokemon!

I'm pissing my pants just being in this creepy place, so let's get 
through it quickly. If you walk straight ahead and read the sign here,
it gives a pretty good idea. Put a low-leveled dude on top of your par-
ty, then when the battle starts, switch out to a stronger guy. It will
work as long as you don't have it on Set mode. Go left where you'll
probably run into a trainer with a billion Wurmples! Okay, it's more
like three, but you get the hyperbole. Now walk upwards and take the
PARLYZ HEAL sitting there in the corner and continue right. Go all the
way until you must go north where a man is fidgeting around. Suddenly,
he'll be attacked by some guy in a horrible striped shirt and bandana!
Man, those Queer Eye guys need to pay this man a visit. Beat his Lv9
Poochyena and he'll sulk and plan another heist in Rustboro. Why would
he tell you that? The Shroomish man will thank you with a GREAT BALL.
It's a lot like a Pokeball only...greater! Nintendo spent weeks coming
up with that name.

After that's done, go up a little more than west until you hit the tree-
wall. Beat the annoying Nincada jerk here and walk up some more for an
ETHER. These things will heal 10PP of one attack, which is pretty damn
useful. Next, continue right and up once more till we're out of this
forsaken place.


ROUTE 104 NORTH
---------------

As soon as you come out, go left and talk to the kid here. He likes to
shoot seeds at unsuspecting bystanders and he wants you to terrorize
people the same way. Maybe that's not exactly what he said, but you get
TM09 nonetheless. TM stands for technical machine. Does that explain
it enough? Oh, alright, I'll go further. These are programmed moves that
you can teach a Pokemon that's compatible with it. This one contains
Bullet Seed, a Grass attack that will shoot seeds at your opponent for
2-5 turns. It may not do much, but it will keep them on edge for a bit.
But listen carefully: TMs can only be used once! So don't waste them,
idiot!

Left of the kid are some more berry trees! There the usual ORAN, but now
you get a taste of CHERI BERRIES! They will heal Paralysis, which I find
incredibly annoying. Plant some more berries in this four-spot patch,
and enter the building above it. These chicks are really into flowers
(at least it's not jewelry like some girls I know) and are willing to
teach you more about them. The middle one here will even give you a
WAILMER PAIL! That will be uuber-handy. Talk to the rightmost one and
she'll award you with a random berry. If you're wondering what each
berry does, scroll down to the Berries section in my thinger here. Now
go back outside to where you planted some berries. If you click on it,
the game will ask if you want to water it with the Wailmer Pail. Doing
this may produce more berries-per-tree than before! Water any planted
berries every chance you get. You may have noticed that growing berries
have stages (a berry was planted, it's getting taller, the flowers are
blooming prettily, etc). Well, watering it is only effective once per 
stage, so clicking it over and over again won't be very helpful. If you 
do it enough times correctly, a tree may yield three or four berries 
instead of just two! Mazel tov!

Above the Flower Shop is a nice little POTION that was hiding from you
(the wild grass yields the same Pokemon as the road below Petalburg
Woods). Now travel eastward from the shop to battle two more trainers.
Get on the bridge now and half way through, you'll experience your very
first double battle. You and your opponent will release two Pokemon to
fight at the same time. It's pretty simple though; just select an attack
and what Pokemon to use it on. Some moves will affect both your enemy's
Pokemon, so which out for that.

At the top of the bridge, go right and pick the berries. LEPPA BERRIES
will restore 10PP for one move if given to a Pokemon. Also, talk to the
old woman standing around for a CHERI BERRY. Get a job, lady. Now walk
northwest to a huge city.


RUSTBORO CITY
-------------

Straight up is the Pokemart, which sells SUPER POTION. It's the same as
Potion only more super-y (heals 50HP). Shibby! North of the Pokemart is
the Pokemon Center, and west of that is the Cutter's House. Speak to the
man in there for HM01! HMs are like TMs only you may use them as many
times as you want. HM01 contains Cut, a strong Normal move in battle. 
Also, this thing allows you to chop down little trees that may be block-
ing your path. Yeah, save the rainforest my ass!

Up and to the right of the Center is the Pokemon Trainers' School. Talk
to everyone and even read the blackboard for some information, then
speak to the teacher for a QUICK CLAW. A Pokemon who holds this has a
pretty good chance of attacking first, so give it to the chubby white
guy of your team, so to speak.

Look around some more in this place. The ginormous building on the upper
left corner of town is the Devon Corporation. They are the overruling
electronics monopoly in Hoenn that squeezes its customers for every 
measly little cent that they broke their backs working for. But don't
you just love their cleverly written commercials? The house right of the
Gym contains a man wanting to trade a Ralts for a Seedot. While this
seems like a good trade (after all, Ralts is a terrific rare Pokemon),
it really blows because Seedot is even harder to find! Besides, doing
these trades gives you a Pokemon with a really retarded nickname, so I
wouldn't consider doing any of them unless I say so (which I wonít).

How about we take care of our first Gym now. Enter through the auto-
matic doors and take in that majestic music. It's the kind of tune that
gets you so pumped that you rise up and yell, "LET'S DO THIS THING,
SUCKAS!" Maybe that's just me. Anywho, your Pokemon should be around
Lv10 with at least one Grass or Water dude (make sure that dude has a
Grass or Water attack as well). In this gym, there is a maze that we
must navigate through in order to reach the Leader. To make matters
worse, there are a few trainers in here to halt your progress. Fort-
unately, the maze is a total blowoff and the trainers are easy as cake
(they all have Geodudes, food for your Water/Grass). Just walk up the
left side and there's the end of it. Wow, that puzzle really racked my
brain! However, if you do walk that way, you'll enter into a different
kind of double battle. If two trainers see you at the same time, they
will team up against you. How cheap is that crap? It's just another
double battle from then on, so prove to those jerks you can take them
both down single-handedly. Now I suggest you heal your team at the Poke-
mon Center, return to the gym, and search your way through that excru-
ciating maze again. Before you talk to the woman here, save your game.
You should always save before a major battle like this. That way, if you
lose, you can just restart your machine and try again. Sure, it's pretty
damn cheap, but it's better than losing half of your money! Make sure
your Grass or Water or Grass/Water (*cough* Lotad *cough*) is on top of
your party, give it an Oran Berry, and speak with her to start the 
battle.

 -------------------------------------
| ROXANNE'S POKEMON | LV | DIFFICULTY |
 -------------------------------------
|Geodude            | 12 |    Easy    |
|Geodude            | 12 |    Easy    |
|Nosepass           | 15 | Not so easy|
 -------------------------------------

Geodude is a combination of Rock and Ground, making it Double Super Eff-
ective when hit with a Grass or Water attack (do you see why I was
hounding you to have one?). Sure, they will do the semi-powerful Rock
Tomb attack, but you can kick them to the curb before a blink of an eye
(even if you're blind). Nosepass can be a little tricky. It's only Rock
type, making it a mere single Super Effective when hit with Grass or
Water. It might take two or three hits to take him down (while it plum-
les you with rocks), and it doesn't help matters that it will use an
Oran Berry when it's HP is dwindling. Still, I don't think you should
have a problem (if you have a Grass or Water, I mean). When you are vic-
torious, congratulations, you have won your first Gym Leader battle! For
accomplishing this feat, Roxanne rewards you with the STONE BADGE! Plus,
you get an extra special treat: TM39! This is that Rock Tomb thing you
probably were bombarded with a minute ago. It's Accuracy ain't that
great, but there's a good chance your opponent's Speed will lower when 
it actually hits. Finally, you are now allowed to use Cut on the over-
world, just to piss those damn hippies off.


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                      |               |
|                      Chapter Three:                  |               |
|                    THE KNUCKLE BADGE                 |  conditioner  |
|                                                      |               |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


SAVING DEVON CORP.
------------------

Pretty much as soon as you exit the Gym and start walking towards the
city, some crazy crap's gonna happen. Well, we probably should follow
them. Go north through Rustboro and turn right at the top. Hey, it's
that guy we saved from Petalburg Woods! Damn, he wants us to do another
favor for him? Wasn't saving his life good enough?! Well, he did call
you "terrific", so I guess we can flatter him. Continue east now to find
yourself on Route 116.

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 116  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Abra         |   10%   |
|Nincada      |   20%   |
|Poochyena    |   15%   |
|Skitty       |    5%   |
|Taillow      |   30%   |
|Whismur      |   20%   |
 -----------------------

In the previous games, the Abra/Kadabra/Alakazam set was the way to go
if you wanted a Psychic type. Now with the introduction of Ralts, we
seem to have a showdown. Overall, they are pretty much the same, only
Alakazam has way higher Speed, and Gardevoir (Ralts' final evolution)
has way higher Defense/Special Defense. But don't think it will be any
easier to snag an Abra (it's fast and will use Teleport the first chance
it gets). Nincada is...well...strange. It's a Bug/Ground with cruddy
stats and moves, but something weird happens when it evolves. You will
get a Ninjask, an okay Bug/Flying with Speed through the roof, and, if
you have an extra Pokeball and space in your party, you will also get a
second Pokemon: Shedinja. Despite the fact that its stats and moves are
even worse than Nincada, its ability allows it to be only killed by an
attack it's weak against (only Fire, Flying, Rock, Ghost, and Dark). It
ain't worth it though. Whismur may look dumb, but it gets a whole lot
better come evolution time (with Attack up the wazou). It may be Normal, 
but it can learn a crapload of TMs of other types. Skitty is average in
just about everything. It will only gain good attacks at Lv27 and up,
and you probably don't want to raise it all the way there. Sorry, cat
freaks, but I would pass on this one.

Ultimately, you just want to keep traveling east, battling trainers and
picking up any items you see as you go. When you see a house above you,
turn left at it and make your way through the Cut playground here. At
the end, you'll see some brand new Berry trees! CHESTO BERRIES will get
lazy Pokemon out of bed in the middle of battle (aka: cure Sleep). PINAP
BERRIES don't have any effect for fighting, but they might be useful a
little later in the game. When you're all set, find that house again
with the freak standing in front of it, and go right this time. Talk to
the old bald guy and he'll start complaining like old bald guys do. Now
walk through that cave opening next to you.

Welcome to Rusturf Tunnel! The only wild Pokemon you'll ever find here
are Whismur, so I'm not going to bother putting up a Pokemon percentage
chart (if I can avoid any work, I'm taking that opportunity). Anyway, go
straight up, climb the stairs, then the next set of stairs for a free
POKEBALL! Now get out of this area and right some more where that Aqua
jerk taunts you. Oh, you want some more of this, mofo?! Go and click on
him to start the battle. All he has is a Lv11 Poochyena, so it should be
hardly a challenge. He will return to you the DEVON GOODS and run away
like a pansy. Then the old bald guy will introduce himself and invite
you to his cottage. Creepy.

Return to Rustboro and that guy will stop you, marvel at your greatness,
and give you yet another GREAT BALL. You will then be teleported to in-
side the Devon Corp. Building to meet the President. Great, just what
the world needs: another rich gray-haired Republican. Anywho, he will
thank you for saving his Fortune 500 company and asks you for another
favor! What the crap?! You will receive the LETTER TO STEVEN, along with
the POKENAV as thanks. This is somewhat like the Pokegear from the GSC
games. It provides a map of Hoenn and some other handy features. Now
exit the building and a scientist will stop you and explain a new feat-
ure of the Pokenav: the Match Call. It will keep tabs of some trainers
you've battled and allow you to call them for free (as long as it isn't
peak hours and you're not roaming). You have to call the Prez Stone to 
see how it works, and he will spy on you through the window. Once again:
creepy.


MR. BRINEY'S SEA TRIP
---------------------

Well, that old bald guy did say we should pay him a visit in that house
on Route 104 South, so let's do that. However, on the southern end of
Rustboro, you could just see a familiar face. It's Brendan/May! He/she
will jeer at you and challenge you to a battle. Ah, what the hell.

 -------------------------------------------------------
| RIVAL BATTLE #2 |   POKEMON   | LV |   WEAK AGAINST   | 
 -------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Lotad        | 13 |Flying/Poison/Bug |
|   is Treecko    |Torchic      | 15 |Water/Ground/Rock |
 -------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Slugma       | 13 |Water/Ground/Rock |
|   is Torchic    |Mudkip       | 15 |  Grass/Electric  |
 -------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Wingull      | 13 |  ELECTRIC/Rock   |
|    is Mudkip    |Treecko      | 15 | Fire/Flying/Bug  |
 -------------------------------------------------------

I know this table looks confusing (I'm the one who made it, how do you
think I feel?), but it's the only way to tell you who your rival truly
has. His/her first dude shouldn't be that tough, seeing as how they're
all relatively weak Pokemon at that low of a level. It's the second guy
you should be worrying about. Don't bring out your starter! Remember,
they have the weakness of whatever you have. If you happened to catch a
Pokemon that has a type advantage over your opponent's starter, by all
means, USE IT! If you don't, that really should be something on your 
"Get Right Away" List. Once you win, Brendan/May will continue acting
like a stupid jerk/dumb broad and go away. Good riddance!

Now let's continue south. Go through Route 104 North on the bridge until
you see a bush to be Cut on your right. Get it out of your way and pick
up the X SPECIAL. Worth it. Now walk (or run) left until you can enter
Petalburg Woods. How about we take a different route through this place.
Go down a bit until Cut trees are next to you. Pass through them and
continue east. You may notice a girl standing around suspiciously. Talk
to her to receive a MIRACLE SEED! If you let a Pokemon hold this, it
will raise the power of Grass moves by 1.5 times! Mazel tov! Now just
find your way south in this area, finding a GREAT BALL in the process,
till you may exit out of here for good. 

In this area, take the POKEBALL before jumping onto the main part of the 
route. Hey, there's the old bald guy's house! Enter it to find him and 
his Wingull circling the table for no apparent reason. I guess that's a
good way to kill an afternoon. Try to get in-between the two to talk to
the old bald guy, and he'll agree to take you for a little cruise! Al-
right, I hope his ship has a personal wave pool, miniature golf course,
and all-you-can-eat buffet! Well, I guess not. Look at that dainty tiny
thing! I'm surprised we can all actually fit on that! It's free, so what
can you expect? Midway on your journey, your Dad will call you and he'll
be registered in your Pokenav. How did he find out that you got a Poke-
nav so quickly? Hmph, the parents always know.


DEWFORD TOWN
------------

Here in this quiet fishing village, there's quite a few things we can
do. First off, talk to the man wandering around the right side of the
Gym to get an OLD ROD. Fishing is a little different in the newer Poke-
mon games. When you use your rod (hehe), periods will appear until it
says "Oh! A bite!" or "Not even a nibble." If it tells you the former,
press A and you'll be launched into battle. It will actually get more
difficult the harder the Pokemon. Here's a chart for the Pokemon you can
fish up here in Dewford.

 ----------------------------------------
|  DEWFORD TOWN  |  OLD  |  GOOD | SUPER |
 ----------------------------------------
|Magikarp        |  75%  |  60%  |   -   |
|Tentacool       |  25%  |  20%  |   -   |
|Wailmer         |   -   |  20%  | 100%  |
 ----------------------------------------

Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the practical joke of
the Pokemon world: Magikarp! If anything, this guy actually got worse in
this game! It has very poor stats, no moves other than Splash (an "att-
ack" that does absolutely nothing) until Lv15 (where it learns Tackle...
oh boy), and an ugly face. However, as we all should know, it evolves
into the kickass Gyarados at Lv20, where its stats and moves are near
breathtaking! It's still not a Dragon-type (which continues to piss me
off), but it still gets a bunch of cool Dragon attacks nonetheless.
Tentacool ain't so bad though. It has unusually high Special Defense
(which is handy because it's only weak against Special types) and some
great Water attacks like Bubblebeam and Hydro Pump down the stretch.
However, every other stat is low, plus there are a whole bunch of better
Water types out there (like Gyarados!). I'm not going to bother to go
over Wailmer since you can't catch one quite yet.

Above the Pokemon Center is a guy interested in the newest trends that
are sweeping Hoenn. If you say that whatever he thinks is cool is tot-
ally lame, you can actually change the two-word phrase to whatever you
want. Once again, if you're deranged enough, you can come up with some
pretty edgy stuff (i.e.: Tasty Children). Now go inside the house here
and listen to all the people blab on about whatever you told them was
cool. Stupid gullible saps...that's what they get for watching MTV.

Enter the house southeast of the Trend Club and you'll meet an effemin-
ate guy who's really into clothing. REALLY into clothing. Because you're
so cool, he'll give you a SILK SCARF! This is much like a Miracle Seed,
only it powers up Normal-type moves when given to a Pokemon. Now hurry
and exit before he tries to make a pass on you (or if you're playing as
a girl: ignores you).

Now let's do what we actually came to do here. Go all the way north of
this town where Fishermen are lurking. Well, I don't think Fisherman
really lurk. It's more like stand around aimlessly because they're
drunk. Whatever they're doing, beat their easy Magikarps and Tentacools
and walk all the way west. You might just see an opening to a cave, so
take a breath of fresh air and enter it.


GRANITE CAVE
------------

 -------------------------------
|  GRANITE CAVE (1F)  | % RATES |
 -------------------------------
|Abra                 |   10%   |
|Geodude              |   15%   |
|Makuhita             |   50%   |
|Zubat                |   25%   |
 -------------------------------
|  GRANITE CAVE (B1)  | % RATES |
 -------------------------------
|Abra                 |   20%   |
|Aron                 |   40%   |
|Makuhita             |   20%   |
|Sableye              |    5%   |
|Zubat                |   15%   |
 -------------------------------
|  GRANITE CAVE (B2)  | % RATES |
 -------------------------------
|Abra                 |   20%   |
|Aron                 |   50%   |
|Sableye              |   10%   |
|Zubat                |   20%   |
 -------------------------------

So many freaking floors in this thing! The first wild Pokemon you'll
probably meet is Makuhita. This pure Fighting type, like most Pokemon
you can catch in the beginning, blows chunks now, but will ultimately
gain your respect when it evolves. It's among the top five in Attack
score and will gain a bunch of Normal and Fighting moves to make use of
it. This type may not be a necessity in Emerald as it was in Ruby and
Sapphire, but it's a good choice if you have room in your party. Zubat 
is also the same way: sucks in the beginning, rocks your socks in the 
end. When it evolves at Lv22, most of its stats will nearly double, plus 
eventually gain cool moves of different types like Bite, Wing Attack, 
and Poison Fang. If you make it happy, it will evolve once more into a 
Crobat, where its Speed reaches near Mach 5 and it can even learn the 
Fly HM (which will practically force you to catch a Flying dude sooner 
or later). You probably had enough of Geodude in Roxanne's Gym, but 
now's your chance to catch one yourself. It's Rock, which is resistant 
to Normal moves, plus it has high Attack and Defense. It is also part 
Ground, making it doubly weak against a few types. If you're truly in 
the market to something strong against Normal, Aron is the way to go. 
It's Steel/Rock, which if you can't tell, is one tough type combo. Its 
Attack and Defense matches Geodude, but it also gains a whole lot of 
type resistances due to the part Steel-ness. But no one beats the re- 
sistances of Sableye. Its Ghost/Dark combo makes it weak against NONE 
of the seventeen types in the game (plus three types can't even touch 
it!). However, the stats are mediocre and doesn't get much damaging 
moves. True it's not Super Effective against anything, but its low 
Defense and Special Defense might kill it anyway.

First off, you'll see a Hiker in front you. He won't battle, but he will
give you HM05! This is Flash, a move that will light up dark areas.
Thanks, random stranger! Now go left, pick up the ESCAPE ROPE there
(that will come in handy), and go south down the ladder into the base-
ment. Whoa, who turned out the lights? This is where you're supposed to
use Flash, but you actually need the Gym Badge here in order to do that.
I figured that I'd take you through this first because 1) the next lead-
er is sort of tough and will kick your ass if you're underleveled, and
2) you can still friggin' see anyway! Jeez, stop complaining, you cry-
baby. Nevertheless, I'll lead you through this in the dark anyway, so
hold on to my hand and you won't get lost.

Walk left a step, then north all the way until you hit a wall. Go run
right as far as you can, then go southeast for the next ladder. Welcome
to Basement #2! Go up and to the left where you might find some stairs.
Ascend them to rise onto the upper platform, and continue right for a
ladder (this time going up). Now walk straight left for the next ladder,
and you'll see in daylight again! Let your pupils dilate, then run west
and south to go through that shiny yellow thing (aka: door). In this
tiny room, you'll meet Steven. When it's all said and done, you'll re-
ceive TM47! This is Steel Wing, a Steel attack that anything with wings
can use (you probably didn't need me to explain that, huh?). You will
also register this guy in your Pokenav so you can keep in touch. Some-
thing tells me we're going to meet this guy again someday (call it in-
tuition...or the fact that I've played this a hundred times). Now use 
your ESCAPE ROPE to get the hell out of here.


BACK IN DEWFORD TOWN
--------------------

The last thing on our to-do-list here is get that Badge, so heal up at
the Center, and enter the Gym. Wow, the lighting here looks familiar.
This place is one big dark maze that's a whole lot harder than Roxanne's
pathetic Gym. In order to light this place up a bit, you'll need to de-
feat all the trainers in here. You can do that if you want, but I'm
going to help you beat the system again and lead you straight to the
leader. You won't even need the light, you cheating piece of crap! Go 
straight up through the Pokeball pillars and turn right. Walk about five 
steps, then up until you greet the wall with your face. Ouch. Now go 
right once, and north again till you must turn left. And there's the
leader! Set up your team and save before you start the battle.

 ------------------------------------
| BRAWLY'S POKEMON | LV | DIFFICULTY |
 ------------------------------------
|Machop            | 16 |   Simple   |
|Meditite          | 16 |   Tricky   |
|Makuhita          | 19 |  Annoying  |
 ------------------------------------

The two types that will win you this battle are Flying and Psychic. You
can still pull it out of your ass with other types (except Normal, Rock,
and Steel), but those two are the best. Machop has a good variety of 
decent Fighting moves, like Karate Chop and Low Kick. You should also
look out for Bulk Up, which will raise both its Attack and Defense
score (all three of his dudes have that). Meditite is a little comp-
licated because it's also part-Psychic, and will do the Psychic attack
Confusion. It also has Focus Punch, a move that will probably KO your
guy with one hit if you don't watch out (however, just attacking it
while it's trying to concentrate will nullify that). Finally, there's
Makuhita. This dude is seriously ready to blow you away with Vital
Throw, Seismic Toss, and Reversal (which will increase in damage the
less HP it has). Take all of that plus the fact that Brawly will use a
Super Potion on it means you might be battling this thing for a while.
No matter, just try to keep attacking it with your strongest move and it
will die (if it doesn't kill all of your dudes first). For winning, you
receive the KNUCKLE BADGE and TM08, that Bulk Up thing you went up
against. On top of that, you also register Brawly in the Pokenav. Well,
he does seem like a sociable person.


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                       |              |
|                      Chapter Four:                    |              |
|                    THE DYNAMO BADGE                   |  acne scrub  |
|                                                       |              |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


SLATEPORT BEACH
---------------

Go to the Dewford Dock and tell the old bald guy that you're ready to
set sail for Slateport. While you're on the open seas, Roxanne will call
you on your Pokenav and allow you to register her. Alright, she is kind
of cute, so I'd stick her in there. The Pokenav, I mean. *cough* Anywho,
you'll finally land in the majestic beaches of Slateport (aka: Route
109). There are quite a few trainers to battle, so take them on to up-
grade your team. When you've talked to everybody here (including the kid
who gives you SOFT SAND, a hold item that ups Ground-type attacks),
enter the house to battle three more trainers! When that's over, talk to
the guy in the back and he'll be marveled by your skill and crap like
that and will reward you with a six-pack of SODA POP! This is a potion
that will heal 60HP. I would've preferred a six-pack of Bud, but what-
ever. Now walk north from the beach to Slateport City.


SLATEPORT CITY
--------------

Is it me, or does the beginning of the music here sound exactly like the
"Spring in Springfield" song from Episode 4F06 of "The Simpsons": "Bart
After Dark" where Marge tries to close down the local whorehouse? Any-
one? Oh, forget it. Anyway, this place is just as big as Rustboro, so
let's not get lost. On the left side of the city is a huge outside
hippie marketplace. While I usually condemn hippies, they do sell a good
variety of handy crap. The most southern guy is selling dolls for you to
decorate your room back in Littleroot (and maybe somewhere else later).
You can't sell them back once you buy one, so be sure to get one you
actually want (although he does have a crappy selection). The best place
is the Energy Guru above it. He sells a bunch of items that will in-
crease you Pokemon's stats. Shibby! Literary, this man probably smokes
shibby.

Just above the market is the real Pokemart (the one owned by the fatcats
and crumbums like they should be). They now sell Great Balls for your
convenience. Also, pick yourself up one Harbor Mail while you're here.
This will be useful in a little bit. Left of the Mart is the Pokemon Fan
Club. Enter it and talk to the kid on the lower right side. He is what's
called a Move Tutor (brand new to the Pokemon games) and will offer to
teach one of your guys the move Swagger. It will actually raise your 
opponent's Attack stat, but Confuse it so it does more damage to itself.
Use if it suits you, but like TMs, Move Tutors can only be used once.
Also in the Fan Club is a woman that likes to see Pokemon that love
their trainers. Chances are that you haven't had your dudes long enough
to get them to like you, but if you did, she'll give you a SOOTHE BELL.
When given to a Pokemon, it will speed up the process of happiness,
which is handy for Pokemon like Zubat who need it to fully evolve. Come
back for one in a bit if you can't get it quite yet.

Above the Fan Club is the Name Rater. If you nicknamed your Pokemon
after somebody you hate right now, or something you thought was really
clever at the time and now realize it's completely retarded, this guy
will amend your mistakes and allow you to name your dude something else.
WARNING: You cannot rename any Pokemon received in a trade! If you do
choose to give a Pokemon another name, you'll even be on the Name
Rater's TV show for it. They'll put anything on public access these
days.

And above that is what's called a Battle Tent. Wow, what a fanfare they
have got playing in here. First of all, talk to the Sailor guy here.
He'll give you TM41! This is Torment, a move that will prevent your
opponent from using the same attack twice in a row. Now to explain what
this place is all about. The Battle Tent here in Slateport has you
battling three consecutive trainers the same level as you. The catch?
You can't use your own Pokemon! They will give you three new Pokemon,
some that you may have never seen before. Figure out how to beat your
opponent with these Pokemon. After you've won, you have the option to
switch one of your own dudes with your enemy's. This is actually a very
good way to see new Pokemon and decide whether or not you really want to
use it on your team in the future. Defeating three trainers gets you a
FULL HEAL! This has the power to cure any status anomaly out there, and
here's the only place to get them (for now).

I think now we can actually progress in the game. First off, check out
the building east of the Mart. Look who's it's crawling with! Ahhhhhhhh!
Now go south of that place and enter the wooden building here. Go
straight up a little and talk to the man staring at the table on your
right. He tells you where to find Capt. Stern, so let's go back to that
place! Return north and you'll see all those people have been cleared
out. That was fast. Let's check it out!

Welcome to the Oceanic Museum! You have to pay $50 to get in here, which
I believe is a rip-off (doesn't our tax dollars go to fund this place
anyway?). Go up and talk to all these jerks in here, especially the one
that you battled twice before in Petalburg Woods and Rusturf Tunnel.
He'll give you TM46: Thief, a Dark move that will steal your opponent's
hold item (how appropriate). Then he'll swear to never see you again and
run away. Good riddance, jackoff. Now go upstairs. Talk to the man in
here and two Aqua Grunts will attack. You must beat them in a row with-
out a break in between, which shouldn't be a problem (Zubats and Car-
vanhas are cake). When they are defeated, you'll meet the Aqua leader:
Archie. After a stupid lecture, Capt. Stern will thank you and receive
the Devon Goods from you. Mission complete! Now who's this Team Magma
Archie thought you were with?

Once you exit the museum, that guy in the sunglasses you met in Petal-
burg will talk to you. Well, whoever this jerk is, you'll register him 
in your Pokenav. Now comes the time to leave this city. Heal up at the 
center and proceed northward out of Slateport.


ROAD TO MAUVILLE
----------------

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 110  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Electrike    |   28%   |
|Gulpin       |   20%   |
|Minun        |   20%   |
|Oddish       |   12%   |
|Plusle       |    4%   |
|Poochyena    |    8%   |
|Wingull      |    8%   |
 -----------------------

Here are the first Electric types you can catch in the game (and they
give you three to choose from!). Minun is basically a negatively charged
Pikachu, and Plusle is a positively charged one. Other than that (which
as no impact in battle), they are both exactly the same. They have good
Speed and Defense, but cruddy everything else. Electrike is also the
same as Plusle and Minun, only I prefer it out of the three. Why? It has 
an evolution that makes it twice as powerful as the rest of them. Plus
it can learn more attacks than the stupid Pikachu wannabes. Gulpin is
a Poison type with a ton of Poison attacks to, well, Poison your foes.
As for stats, it's in the dead middle of everything, but a pure Poison
type isn't too good to have. That's why I like Oddish, who is a Grass/
Poison with a ton of moves of both types. It also has a good Special
stat to back it up, plus a divergent evolution that gives you the choice
to drop the half-Poison part (which in my opinion weighs it down).

A little up a ways you'll meet Prof. Birch again. What the hell's he
doing here? After you register him in your Pokenav, continue northward
to battle two people staring awkwardly at each other. Now turn left the
first chance you get to reach the other side of Route 103. Battle the
plethora of trainers, then go through the cut-bush-maze on the northern
side for a GUARD SPEC. This item can be used in the middle of a battle
to prevent your dudes from having their stats lowered. Also here are a
bunch of LEPPA and CHERI BERRIES. Now return to Route 110 and enter the
house you see here (it's the only one, you can't miss it).

Somebody's watching you! Click on the spot where it was shiny for a bit
(upper-right corner of the table here) to make the Trick Master appear!
Oh, what the hell is this all about? After he arrogantly challenges you
to something, click on the door and enter the entrance. Basically, you
have to search around in this maze to find a scroll, then discover the
door to beat this test. Go straight east until an Oddish girl attacks
you, then Cut the path above her. Cut the next tree northward, then the
next three or four west (if you meet a trainer, you're in the right
spot). After that, click on the rolled up paper sitting on the floor
to memorize the message. Now return to the area before you began going
west and cut the upper-right bush. Defeat the final stupid trainer, then
Cut the tree above you to find the door! You'll enter his idiotic pass-
word once you click on it (fabulous my ass), then go through to find him 
sitting there like a lazy bum. Your reward for doing this stupid test is 
a not-so-stupid RARE CANDY! This will raise your Pokemon's level by one, 
so use it well. Now take the door there, and follow the windy redundant 
hallway back to the main room. Guess what? You're going to have to come 
back here seven more times! Oh fun fun fun! *sighs miserably*

Back outside, go straight east, killing whatever wild Pokemon or train-
ers throw at you. Before turning north, I strongly suggest you save your
game. That's all I'll say. Now walk upwards and...oh crap.

 ---------------------------------------------------------
| RIVAL BATTLE #3 |   POKEMON   | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    | 
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Lombre       | 18 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|   is Treecko    |Wingull      | 18 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|                 |Combusken    | 20 |Water/Psychic/Flying|
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Slugma       | 18 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|   is Torchic    |Lombre       | 18 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|                 |Marshtomp    | 20 |       GRASS        |
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Wingull      | 18 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|    is Mudkip    |Slugma       | 18 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|                 |Grovyle      | 20 | Fire/Flying/Poison |
 ---------------------------------------------------------

You and Brendan/May should be about the same level, if not higher. Also
like Brendan/May, your starter should have evolved to its second form.
Unlike Brendan/May though, you should win this battle. Lombre will prob-
ably try to Poison or Paralyze you, but it's easy enough to beat none-
theless (especially if you use items or berries). If you caught an Ele-
ctric type just now, try it out now if your rival sends out a Wingull
(by the way, if a type in the "Weak Against" column in in capital
letters, it's Double Super Effective when hit by it; pretty much a one-
hit-KO). And for Slugma, really anything can deal with it. It's your
rival's starter that you should be concerned with...again. Combusken
is part Fighting, so it's actually easier to kill with a Psychic or
Flying dude. Marshtomp is ONLY weak against Grass, so easily KO it with
that (and if you chose Torchic and don't have a Grass by now, FREAKING
GET ONE!). You should get rid of Grovyle easily with any one of the
mentioned types next to him in my handy-dandy chart. Once you are the
winner, Brendan/May will continue to act like a douchebag, but he/she
will give you an ITEMFINDER. Sweet! If you think there is a hidden item
nearby, use this and it will point you in the right direction. Beaches
are the best place for it, but do you really want to be that jerk with
the metal detector pacing around all day like a loser? If you do, care
to join me?

The path is pretty straight forward, so continue it on your own (we must
disconnect the training wheels sometime). Among the items you may find
are a DIRE HIT (ups chances of a Critical Hit in battle) and an ELIXIR
(restores PP of all moves by 10). Also, use your newly acquired Item-
finder on the holes where you think wild grass should be. Who knows what
you may pick up? Well, I do know, but...you know. Anyway, once you're
finally at the top of this route, you'll find some new berries. Too bad
they're NANAB BERRIES that have no uses as of now. Now continue north
to Mauville.


MAUVILLE CITY
-------------

Welcome to the city that's practically the center of Hoenn. The first
thing to do is enter the house that's pretty much in front of you. This
lady is looking for some Harbor Mail. Well, it's a good thing you picked
one up in Slateport (right?). She'll agree to trade you a COIN CASE for
it! This will allow you to carry tokens used in the Game Corner here in
town. Hooray for legalized gambling! Now exit and find the house right
of the Pokemart. This crack-addict is kind/crazy enough to give you
HM06! This contains Rock Smash, a sucky Fighting move in battle, but
gives you the power to bulldoze weak rocks out of your path. Wow, these
HMs really want us to destroy nature, don't they?

In the northeast corner of town sits the Bike Shop. In real life, you
need to pay nearly a hundred bucks in Wal-Mart for one of these, but the
man in here will offer to give you two for free! These people really
have no concept of business in this place! The MACH BIKE will allow to
to go twice as fast as running and permits you to ride up steep slopes,
while the Acro Bike has the ability to do tricks such as wheelies or
jumps. I would pick the Mach Bike for now, for it's way faster and has
more uses than the other one. Just promise me you won't run anybody over
with it! Okay, don't; I'm probably more sinister than you anyway.

In the Pokemon Center is a man that's willing to trade decorations with
you, so do it if you really want. A little to the left of the center,
you may find a chubby guy walking around (though he must not be walking
around enough with that girth). He turns out to be another one of those
Move Tutor guys! He specializes in Rollout, a Rock attack that gains
more attack power when used several times in a row. It gets a tad annoy-
ing that you can't stop it in battle, but you probably are into annoy-
ing things since you're reading my walkthrough. Fibble-fabble-floo!

Check out the Game Corner here. You need to buy special coins in order
to play (that can be held with that Coin Case thingy you just got), but
if you talk to some people in here, you'll receive some for free (geez,
talk about a generous town!). The two games that are available to play
are slots and roulette, so I think you can figure them out on your own
(unless you're a sheltered child). The great part about the Game Corner
are the prizes.

 ---------------------------
| GAME CORNER PRIZES | COST |
 ---------------------------
|Treecko Doll        | 1000 |
|Torchic Doll        | 1000 |
|Mudkip Doll         | 1000 |
|TM32 (Double Team)  | 1500 |
|TM29 (Psychic)      | 3500 |
|TM35 (Flamethrower) | 4000 |
|TM24 (Thunderbolt)  | 4000 |
|TM13 (Ice Beam)     | 4000 |
 ---------------------------

Unlike previous Pokemon games, you can't buy actual Pokemon here (just
cheap stupid dolls). However, the TMs are pretty sweet! Double Team will
raise your dude's evasiveness, causing your opponent to miss a lot of
its attacks. Psychic is a Poison move...wait, that doesn't sound right.
Hold on, let me check. Sorry, I just found out Psychic is a Psychic att-
ack (who would've thought?); in fact, it happens to be the BEST Psychic
move in the game. Flamethrower is a good Fire move that has a 10% chance 
of Burning your foe, Thunderbolt is a good Electric move that has a 10% 
chance of Paralyzing your foe, and Ice Beam is a good Ice move that has 
a 10% chance of Freezing your foe. All and all, these TMs are pretty 
damn sweet! Plus, the girl left of the counter will give you a doll of
your starter for free anyway, so who needs to waste money on such idle
possessions?

Now, you may have noticed two people standing in front of the Gym here.
Talk to this friend from memory lane, and you'll be challenged to a
battle. All Wally has is that Ralts you helped him catch back on Route
102, but it has reached Lv16. This should be easy because you're prob-
ably above him in level, and all it has to kill you with is Confusion
(not quite a Grade-A Psychic attack). For winning, you don't get any-
thing but an invitation to Wally's house in Verdanturf, praise from that 
Scott jerk, and a clear passage to the Mauville Gym.

Now, if you're in a hurry for something, you may go ahead and take on
the Mauville Gym Leader right now. But there are so many trainers to
battle in the limited routes north, east, west, and south of here to
power up that team of yours. So let's do a little exploring! *puts on
exploring hat*


KICKING BUTT AROUND MAUVILLE
----------------------------

First, let's hike to the north. Take that road up to the left of the
Pokemon Center to arrive on Route 111. Beware if you choose to travel
on the white road; you'll be trapped into a double battle (what a cheap
little jerk...hiding behind a tree). A little further up is a sign for
the Trainer Hill. However, it's still under construction (there's always
something), so it's not available for use quite yet. A little to the
left of it though is some water. How about a little fishing?

 -------------------------------------
|  ROUTE 111  |  OLD  |  GOOD | SUPER |
 -------------------------------------
|Barboach     |   -   |  20%  | 100%  |
|Goldeen      |  25%  |  20%  |   -   |
|Magikarp     |  75%  |  60%  |   -   |
 -------------------------------------

While statistically better than Magikarp, Goldeen isn't much of an im-
provement. True it makes use of that sharp appendage on its head with
decent moves like Peck and Horn Attack, it doesn't have the tenacity to
use them correctly. Yes, it'll get better when it evolves, but I re-
peat: there are much better Water-types out there. Although you can't
get one yet, you're not missing much in Barboach either. This thing has
terribly low HP and no good attacks to defend itself. It may not be so
bad when it evolves, however you'll be sick of it by the time it reaches
Lv30 anyway. Besides, nobody matches up with Swampert (Mudkip's final
form) when it comes to the Water/Ground division.

Near the water is a house with a man standing right outside his door-
step. Make sure you're all healed and ready before you take his chall-
enge, because you'll be battling all four members of the family in a row
with no rest in between! Talk about an ambush! However, it's all worth
it because they give you a ton of money for winning and a pretty cool
prize at the end. Just watch out for the Grandma's Meditite; it has the
powerful Hi Jump Kick that may destroy your team (though it causes dam-
age to itself if it misses). When it's finally over, enter the house and
talk to the mother for a MACHO BRACE! When held by a Pokemon, its stats
will increase more than usual when it levels up! However, it will also
cut Speed while in battle (small price to pay).

You cannot go any further north because rocks are blocking the way, and
you need Mauville's Gym Badge in order to use Rock Smash (always a
catch), so return south to the city. There are a few crappy trainers in
the small section east of Mauville, so you may use them for sustenance.
When you're all finished up there, travel to the western road for a few
interesting attractions.

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 117  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Illumise     |   20%   |
|Marill       |   12%   |
|Oddish       |   20%   |
|Poochyena    |   40%   |
|Seedot       |    4%   |
|Volbeat      |    4%   |
 -------------------------------------------
|   FISHING   |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 -------------------------------------------
|Corphish     |    -    |   20%   |  100%   |
|Goldeen      |   25%   |   20%   |    -    |
|Magikarp     |   75%   |   60%   |    -    |
 -------------------------------------------

Gee, that table looks a little awkward, doesn't it? Anywho, the new guys
you'll see in the wild grass here, Illumise and Volbeat, are exactly
like Plusle and Minun in that they are both the same freaking Pokemon,
only one's a little harder to find (except that they are Bug type). I
have got to say their stats are pretty decent (especially Speed), but
there's really no room for a pure Bug in any party, no matter how good
it is. Also, they're pretty scary looking if you ask me (I actually just
had a nightmare not too long ago about them...but I don't want to talk 
about it *shudders*). As for fishing Pokemon you can't catch yet, Corp-
hish ain't half bad. At Lv30, it evolves into Water/Dark Crawdaunt, who
has eye-popping Attack and Defense (literally, my friend's eyes really
popped right out! I'm keeping them in a jar). Its Special is maybe a
little too low for a good Water type, but everyone could always use a
strong Attacker (particularly a Dark one).

The first landmark you'll see is really the only and most important
thing here: the Day Care Center. If you deposit one of your Pokemon to
these nice old people, they will raise your Pokemon for you while you're
doing something else (at the rate of $100 per level). Plus, if you leave
two similar Pokemon here, there's a good chance they will breed and pro-
duce an egg (after all, where else do we get more action than at our Day
Care Center?). Some dudes can only be obtained through breeding, so keep
this place in mind.

A little south of there are some berries ripe for the pickin'! But once
again, WEPEAR BERRIES can only be used for something we aren't even
close to be able to do yet. Don't you just hate this (I told you only
some berries are useful!)? Well, just walk around here and battle the
MANY trainers (two of which actually use all six available spots in
their rotation). In the northwest corner (near the one girl who paces
while crashing into two other people) is a REVIVE hiding behind a Cut
tree. These handy things will restore a fainted Pokemon to half its HP,
so I'd gladly take that. Keep going west and you'll arrive in Verdanturf
Town. There's nothing of interest in here yet, so just return to Mau-
ville.

Now it's time to explore the area south of here. Q: But Mitchell, didn't
we just arrive here from the south? A: Yes, my inquisitive friend, but
there's a section of Route 110 that we couldn't ride on before: the Cy-
cling Road! Get on your bike and enter that house straight south of the
city. Come out the other side, and welcome to Cycling Road! I like say-
ing that. Cycling Road! Okay, I'll stop. Cycling Road! Hehehe. Well,
there are quite a few trainers on Cycling Road, and for the exception
of one (who technically isn't on the road), ALL of them have Magnemites.
This Pokemon is an Electric/Steel, so it's perfect for your Ground type
(if you have one, otherwise, good luck!). At the end, a guy will even
time you and give a synopsis on how you did (he counts the time you
spent battling, so it really isn't fair...although he is right about me 
being "bordering on terrifying"). Now you know a shortcut to Slateport
without dealing with the wild grass. Well, for the final time (for now),
return to Mauville. Cycling Road!


BACK TO MAUVILLE CITY
---------------------

Now I think you're all set to battle the leader here, so heal up, buy 
some Parlyz Heals at the Pokemart *wink wink nudge nudge say no more* 
and enter the Gym. This place can be a pretty difficult puzzle, but with 
my help, you'll be invincible (you cheating piece of crap, you). First, 
walk straight up until an electrical current halts your progress. Oh no, 
that isn't a health hazard at all! Well, walk two steps to the left (you 
can battle the two trainers here if you want), then up three times, and 
twice to the right to step on the strange button here. The current 
changes! Why do I feel like these rods are somehow cancerous? Anywho, go 
three steps down, two steps left, six steps up, and right onto the next 
button. Now make your way one space southeast to battle the trainer just
standing around. Notice how most of the Pokemon used in this Electrical
Gym aren't Electric type, but have Electric attacks. Those tricky sons
of biscuits! From there, go south (but DON'T step on the button!), then
east once, south once, east thrice, and north thrice to the final but-
ton. Mazel tov! Battle the last two suckers here, then walk left and up
into Watson's quarters. Heal up your team (however you must do the puz-
zle over again if you exit), save, and speak to the walrus looking man.

 ---------------------------------------
| WATTSON'S POKEMON | LV |  DIFFICULTY  |
 ---------------------------------------
|Voltorb            | 20 |  Explosive   |
|Electrike          | 20 |  Kinda Easy  |
|Magneton           | 22 |    Tough!    |
|Manectric          | 24 |  Kinda Hard  |
 ---------------------------------------

Electric is a tough type because it only has one weakness: Ground. If 
you have one of those (or something with a Ground attack) keep it out 
there (also, Electricity canít even touch it). First out will be the 
real powerball: Voltorb. It's extremely fast and will probably use Self-
destruct right away (a kick-ass attack that will kill itself and most 
likely your dude as well). Make sure you have a Pokemon with high De- 
fense out against it, or you might be using that Revive you just found 
on Route 117 already! Electrike ain't so bad, but it will try to Par-
alyze you with Thunder Wave (plus its Ability gives it the opportunity 
to Paralyze you if you even Attack it), so good thing you bought some 
Parlyz Heals (you did, didn't you?)! Magneton (evolution of those Magne-
mite you faced on Cycling Road) can become an itch with a B, if you 
catch my drift. If you have a Ground type, you're in business. Other-
wise, Fighting or Fire works well against the Steel part of it (so does 
Water, but you may just get zapped straight to hell if you try that).
Finally, Walrus Wattson sends out his loyal Manectric. This thing is
Electrike's evolution, so the same applies here as well. It likes to do
this Shock Wave move, an okay Electric attack that is guaranteed never
to miss, and also likes to sneak a Quick Attack in every now and then.
Keep chipping away at its HP with whatever (as you try to get around the
Super Potion and Sitrus Berry it will use) until it's finally defeated.
The Walrus Man will give you the DYNAMO BADGE and TM34 for winning. This
is that handy-never-miss Shock Wave attack, so make sure to give it to
your Water-Zapper (a good Electric move like that will come in handy a 
while later in the game).


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                            |         |
|                          Chapter Five:                     |         |
|                          THE HEAT BADGE                    |  floss  |
|                                                            |         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


VERDANTURF TOWN
---------------

Before we continue with the game, stop by that small town west of Mau-
ville with the way-too-cheery music. At the Pokemart, a new type of
catching devise is in stock: the NEST BALL. It has the power to snag
Pokemon lower-leveled than your own better than any other Ball (as if
they weren't easy to capture already). At the table in the Center sits a 
child who will teach one of your Pokemon the Bug attack Fury Cutter. 
Like Rollout, its power increases the more consecutive hits you land, 
but it's really never useful unless a Bug type utilizes it. The biggest 
place in this town is another one of those Battle Tent thingers, so 
check it out! I'm telling you: CHECK IT OUT, JERK! Sorry, I've had some 
anger issues growing up.

First of all, talk to the girl in here that'll give you TM45! This is
Attract, a strange move that will make your opponent's Pokemon fall in
love with yours for the rest of the battle. How does that effect the
fight, you ask? Well, the lover will refuse to attack the lovie 50% of
the time! Just know that the move won't work against a Pokemon of the
same sex (that sort of stuff is looked down upon in the conservative 
Pokemon world), and other Pokemon have an Ability to block it altoget-
her.

Now onto the actual battling! The object of this Tent is quite different
to the one in Slateport. You get to use your own Pokemon (although your
challenger's dudes are at the very least Lv30, and chances are you're
not there yet), but you don't get to choose the moves. Wha?!?! That's
right, your Pokemon gets to think for itself and do whatever move it
wants to against your foe without you breathing down its neck every two
seconds. Freedom! However, your dudes aren't completely retarded. The
moves it chooses to use are based on two components: 1) Past exper-
iences. If you used a Grass attack on a Water Pokemon before, your guy
will remember that and continue to use that strategy. Sure, sometimes it
will forget and use Thunderbolt on a Ground-type, but the more you teach
it, the smarter it becomes. And 2) A Pokemon's Nature. You may have no-
ticed in your dude's stat sheet a little section where it says whether
it is Brave, Timid, Naive, Relaxed, Horny (well, maybe not that last
one). Well, those stupid little moods will decide what sort of attack it
likes to use on its own. If your extremely impatient like I am, this
thing might just give you a brain aneurysm. Sometimes it will do a terr-
ible move, and other times it'll forget to attack at all! However, the
more love you put into your Pokemon (and all that other bullcrap), the
easier this is. Your prize for winning three of these battles in a row
is a stupid NEST BALL. Oh yeah, like we couldn't just buy that! It's a
good thing you won't have to put up with this kind of battle ever again
(or do you...)!

The house directly below the Center belongs to a woman who will tell you
how much your Pokemon likes you. If she says your guy can't love you
more than it already does, then go down to Slateport and get that Soothe
Bell from the Fan Club! Now find the house west of that. It's Wally's
house! Talk to the people in here and you'll find out the situation at
Rusturf Tunnel (which is that cave next to the Mart). Also, Wally will
brag about how he will become an even better trainer than you! Yeah 
yeah, whatever you say, cancer boy.


RUSTURF TUNNEL AND THINGS
-------------------------

As soon as you enter the cave from Verdanturf, turn left and go south-
west to an exit. In this enclosed section, there's some kid who lost his
glasses and wants help finding them. Stupid nerd. Well this sounds like
a job for...Super Itemfinder! Dah-dah-dah! That's a catchy jingle. Any-
way, it will eventually lead you above the rightmost tree where you'll
pick up some BLACKGLASSES. Try to give them to the kid here, and he'll
say they're not his, so let's keep them! When held by a Pokemon, Black-
glasses will increase the power of Dark attacks. Also north on the ledge
is an HP UP! This will increase your dude's HP by one, and you never
know when one HP will make all the difference (it probably won't).

Return to Rusturf Tunnel and find the exit to Verdanturf. From there,
walk north to battle the Hiker, and continue north for a MAX ETHER! Now
take the left there to find the two lovers separated by two giant rocks.
After you laugh at them for their silly affections for one another, then
feel bad that you'll never have a relationship that meaningful (or may-
be that's just me), use Rock Smash on the boulders to reunite them!
Hooray (or Boo, I can't decide). For helping out, the ninja guy will
give you HM04! Hooray (I'll say that now that I've gotten something out
of it)! This is Strength, an attack that will move even heavier rocks
than the ones you just smashed. Of course, you'll need a new badge to
use it (what the %&$#!).

Continue west through Rusturf Tunnel back to Route 116. Standing around
is that guy who's ass you've saved twice from Team Aqua. He'll make a
terrible rain cloud metaphor (dude, don't quit your day job) and give 
you a REPEAT BALL! This Pokeball will catch things easier that you've 
already caught before! Plus, they're selling TIMER BALLS at the Mart in
Rustboro. The longer the battle has waged, the more effective it becomes
(probably the most useful alternative Ball in the game).

Now return all the way to Mauville. In fact, continue south onto Cycling
Road to arrive at the southern part of Route 110. From the exit, go
north a little more on the regular road to the Trick Master's House. Oh
great, he's watching you again! Click on the right plant to reveal the
jerk again, and you'll be forced into another challenge. *sigh* Well, go
through the door to see what's going on now. Go right from the door and
battle School Kid Paul's crappy team. Continue right then up and press
the button on the floor. Now return to the entrance and walk north this
time. Go right until the trap door stops you and find your way around to
the button just in reach. Hey, the door closed! Walk over the now-board-
ed hole and travel right to step on the button above you. Once again, 
return to the entrance and step north six times, where you may go 
straight east. Next north, beat the trainer, and around to the button. 
Now go all the way back to the button you pressed before this one and 
walk south to battle another trainer and reach the scroll. Now to find 
the exit, go up until you can turn left, where you should stop and 
travel north and east the first chance you get. There's the exit (smart 
my ass). Your reward is one of those helpful TIMER BALLS. Now exit this 
annoying place and once again go back to Mauville.


ROUTE 112
---------

Now to go on with the game! Don't you just love how I make you do all
these idiotic sidequests? Oh, well you didn't have to insult me THAT
much. Okay then, Mr. Potty Mouth, go north to Route 111 where you fought
the Winstrates. Continue north until rocks are in your way. Well, go
ahead and smash Ďem up, homeboy! Sorry, I'll never call you that again.
When it's all clear, go north to Route 112!

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 112  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Marill       |   25%   |
|Numel        |   75%   |
 -----------------------

Numel is a Fire/Ground Pokemon, and while it's Double-Super-Effective
against Water, the type combo cuts down on other weaknesses, plus both
are excellent in this game. It learns decent Fire/Ground attacks like
Ember and Magnitude, then it powers them up with Flamethrower and Earth-
quake after it evolves (not to mention Rock Slide)! Stats-wise, it ex-
cels in both Attack and Special Attack, corresponding to both of its
types. Pardon me while I make a stupid "Good Times" reference, but Numel
is 100% Dy-no-MITE!

Continue north on this road and you might see some paparazzi hanging
around. Talk to them and they will challenge you to a friendly battle.
Defeat their Lv17 Whismur and Magneton and you'll have you chance for
15 minutes of fame! Okay, it's more like 15 seconds, but take what you
can get. Choose one word from the stupid things they give you and they
will put you on TV. Check it out next time you break into somebody's
house!

If you turn right around here, you'll be forced back by a sandstorm, so
choose the western route. To the north of that rock mass is where all
the Numels are hanging out, in case you were interested, and past that
is a set of stairs. If you try to go further north on the rock here,
some crazy people in red hoods will stop you. What, are they delivering
sweets to their Granny while avoiding the Big Bad Wolf? You get it?
Little Red Riding Hood. Whatever, you're right, that was stupid. I'll
try to do better next time. Just enter the cave on the left side of this
place.


FIERY PATH
----------

 ------------------------
|  FIERY PATH  | % RATES |
 ------------------------
|Grimer        |    5%   |
|Koffing       |   25%   |
|Machop        |   15%   |
|Numel         |   30%   |
|Slugma        |   10%   |
|Torkoal       |   15%   |
 ------------------------

Grimer and Koffing are both Pure Poison types that are better than Gul-
pin, only Grimer's good at Attack, and Koffing at Defense. Both become
decent Pokemon when they evolve in the late Lv30s, but honestly, a pure
Poison is a waste of a spot in your six-man roster (go with dual-Poisons
like Zubat or Oddish). Fighting-type Machop is better than Makuhita for
now (both of them have practically the same moves as well). However, I
believe Makuhita's evolution (Hariyama) is better than Machamp because
you need to trade a Machoke to make it fully evolved, and Hariyama edges
it out in HP. Both are very good Fighters with high Attack though. Tor-
koal is an excellent Fire type with high Defense, Attack, and (most im-
portantly) Special Attack. It learns Body Slam at Lv20, plus Flamethrow-
er ten levels later. It's a close call between Numel and Torkoal, but
keep in mind how fast turtles move in real life (slow and steady ain't 
the way to go in this game). Then there's Slugma. This thing is undoubt- 
edly the worst Fire dude in the game. It gains some good moves, but has 
absolutely no stats whatsoever. When it evolves all the way at Lv38, 
it's Defense triples, but everything else stays stuck in the mud. Plus,
it's double weak against Water, and unlike Numel, it's not worth it.

This cave is extremely simple. Just follow the turny road at you're out
the other side. You may have noticed a path going off to the left that's
blocked by a boulder. Guess what. You need Strength for that. Doesn't
life suck?


ROAD TO FALLARBOR
-----------------

The Pokemon in the grass are the same as Route 112 (well, that's because
you're still on Route 112...duh). Also, notice the berries you can pick.
Finally, we can actually use these things! They are RAWST BERRIES, and
they cure Pokemon of Burn. That might be handy given the type of Pokemon
our next Gym Leader uses (well, this freaking chapter is called "The
Heat Badge", so I think you can take a pretty good guess of it). On this
road, walk east until you have the opportunity to turn north. Talk to
the kid who looks like he's peeing on a tree. Well, he'll be nice enough 
to stop in the middle of it (ouch) and give you TM43! This is Secret 
Power, an attack that will hurt your foe depending on what environment 
you're battling on. Interesting. Also, if you use it on this tree right 
here (ewww), you can turn it into a Secret Base. Even more interesting! 
Secret Bases are like your home away from home that you can decorate in 
any way you want. You don't have to use this urine-infested tree here; 
you can pick another tree, or a hole in a mountain wall, or a pile of 
grass for your Secret Base. But you are limited to only one, so choose 
this stupid-ass thing strategically.

Keep going north until you spot some more berries! Unfortunately, the
new plants grow RAZZ BERRIES, which have no use yet. Isn't this pissing
you off too? Also, talk to the girl standing around here and she'll give
you a random berry. Now go southeast of her where you'll find a house of
some old lady. Agree to a rest and your Pokemon will be all healed up!
Mazel tov! All you need is one, so I don't know why this woman asks you
for another (old people are so lonely, it's funny). Now return to the
soil and travel straight west to Route 113!

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 113  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Skarmory     |    4%   |
|Slugma       |   16%   |
|Spinda       |   80%   |
 -----------------------

When it comes to stupid non-evolving Normal types with mediocre stats,
Spinda is pretty high on that list. However, when it comes to Pokemon
in general, don't expect to find it in the top 100. As for Skarmory, I
have to say I'm a little partial to it. You absolutely need something
that can Fly sooner or later, and a flyer that's part Steel and has high
Attack and Defense ain't a bad choice. Teach it Steel Wing (whom the
move is practically made for) and you'll do wonders in battle (that's a
silly expression).

It's snowing! Actually, it's highly-toxic volcanic ash. Same thing,
right? Anywho, continue west until you must move north through the break
in the ledges. Keep going up near the mutated trees and look right. See
that tiny bump in the ground? Click on it for an ETHER! Now from that
spot, keep going right over the ledge where you'll enter a double battle
then a regular battle right after that! Man, what a cheap jerk hiding in
the ash like that. Get used to these Ninja Boy freaks. Step right once
and click for a NUGGET (the only purpose for these things are to sell
them for money), then walk left as far as you can, then down to the
tree, then right for a SUPER REPEL. Now hop over the ledge here to re-
turn to the main "road".

Go left and up once more, and this time turn left again. Keep going un-
til you meet Tori and Tia, where you should travel north above the huge
rock on your right, then run right and down for a MAX ETHER. Return to
the twins again, then continue west until you reach a house. Before you
get any more carcinogenic burns from the falling ash, enter it! Talk to
the man in the back, and he'll give you a SOOT SACK! This will allow you
to pick up the ash as you walk around in the wild grass on this road,
huff-puff. The more you collect, the more items he can make for you,
huff-puff. Here's a table for what you can get, huff-puff:

 --------------------------------------------------------
|       ITEM       |      WHAT IT DOES      | # OF STEPS |
 --------------------------------------------------------
|Blue Flute        |       Cures Sleep      |     250    |
|Yellow Flute      |     Cures Confusion    |     500    |
|Red Flute         |    Cures Attraction    |     500    |
|White Flute       | Attracts wild Pokemon  |    1000    |
|Black Flute       |  Repels wild Pokemon   |    1000    |
|Pretty Chair      |       Decoration       |    6000    |
|Pretty Desk       |       Decoration       |    8000    |
 --------------------------------------------------------

As you can see, most of these items are actually pretty useful, huff-
puff. I suggest you use a Repel, then walk around in the grass out here
to collect soot, huff-puff. You can go for the decorations if you really
want to, but I wouldn't (they really aren't that pretty), huff-puff. So
I would definitely keep this place in mind, huff-puff. I'm annoying the
crap out of you, aren't I, huff-puff? Alright, just let me do this:
Cycling Road, huff-puff! They're even more fun when you say them toget-
her!

From the building, walk left over the ledge. Click on the bump northwest
of you for TM32! This is that Double Team TM that you could buy in Mau-
ville Game Corner, but you just found one for free! That's how you stick
it to the man! Now continue to find your way west to the next town.


FALLARBOR TOWN
--------------

Welcome to yet another dinky-little town with no purpose! Enter the
Pokemon Center and talk to the girl at the PC. After her clever little
deduction, she'll invite you to her house on Route 114. What's with all
these people wanting you to come to their house?! You're going to be
date-raped sooner or later if you're not careful.

There's nothing really special for sale in the Mart, but there is some-
one who will teach you Metronome! This will randomly do any of the att-
acks in the entire game, so it teach one of your Pokemon if you feel 
lucky, punk. The southern most house belongs to Prof. Cosmo, but the
woman here will tell you why he's not home. By the way, there's an in-
visible NUGGET in that crater next to his house. Sell it for pimp-money
at the Mart. Left of the Battle Tent (which I'll get to in just a sec)
belongs to THE Move Tutor (like's he's the one and only). He has gained
the power to teach Pokemon moves that it learns naturally, but didn't
for some apparent reason (you caught it too late, you said you didn't
want it to learn that, etc). Well, in exchange, he's not asking for
money or special favors or anything of that matter; he wants Heart
Scales. You may have a Heart Scale if you, for some reason, had the urge
to return all the way to the beach west of Petalburg and use your Item-
finder there, but otherwise, you cannot except this offer. Don't worry,
they will be more common later in the game.

And now, the Battle Tent. This place gives you more control then the
previous two tents in that you use you own Pokemon and you decide the
moves. Then what's the catch? Well, you are not allowed to switch out
your Pokemon until it faints, and you must defeat your opponent's Poke-
mon in three turns. Just battle like you normally would, and if you 
don't KO your foe in three mo's, then prepare for the judging-O. This
is based on three categories: Mind, Skill, and Body. Mind is based on
exactly how offensive your Pokemon was. If you use a defensive move like
Harden or Double Team, that is looked down upon and you lose some Mind
points. Skill is based on how you used your Pokemon's moves. If you did
an attack that was Super Effective against your opponent, you gain Skill
points (and of course you lose them if it's Not Very Effective). Body is
just based on which Pokemon has the most HP after the three turns are
up. Whoever gains more points from the judging wins, and the other is
forced to faint. Ouch! Also, if the Pokemon happen to tie in the dec-
ison, both of them will faint and nobody wins that matchup. It's still
pretty restrictive compared to a normal battle, but this is probably the
easiest Battle Tent to win (just keep attacking and don't do any stupid
moves). For winning, you receive a HYPER POTION. This cures 200HP, which 
is really more than you need, but take it anyway.

That's it for this po-dunk town, so heal up at the Center one last time
and go west to begin the second half of this journey to nowhere.


ROUTE 114
---------

The first thing you should notice once the annoying music starts is a
house above you. The boy here outside the badly-built door will agree to
give you TM28. In every single Pokemon game, TM28 is the Ground move Dig
that will teleport you out of caves like an Escape Rope. But I would not
give it to any Pokemon in this case; you may need it later, and you only
get one of them. You can also enter the cave in this house and talk to 
the Fossil Maniac if you want, but he won't give you anything (jerkwad).

Follow the path outside here to an old man with a dog. No one will go
near him because he smells (or something like that) and he'll give you
TM05 for stopping by! This is Roar, a move that will scare away wild
Pokemon. Running is fine too, but whatever. Now continue south over the
bridge here to the wild grass!

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 114  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Lombre       |   10%   |
|Lotad        |   45%   |
|Nuzleaf      |    5%   |
|Seviper      |   10%   |
|Swablu       |   30%   |
 -----------------------

You may see evolutions like Lombre (of Lotad) and Nuzleaf (of Seedot)
while you're down here. Seviper is a cool Pokemon with high Attack and
Special Attack, plus moves of all different types like Lick, Bite, Poi-
son Tail, and Glare. However, I've said it once, I've said it 167,593.8
times: pure Poison = waste of space. Swablu, on the other hand, isn't
exactly a waste. It's a Flying type (which you will NEED eventually),
and it evolves into a part-Dragon at LV35! Dragon is considered by many
(including me, which should be enough) to be the best type in the Poke-
mon series. It's strong against the four most used types in the game
(Grass, Water, Electric, and Fire), it only has two obscure weaknesses,
and most of them have very high Speed and Special. Altaria is no except-
ion. Sure, I know that Dragon/Flying is double-weak against Ice Pokemon,
but where are you going to see any of those (except for the very end
where it really matters)?

Keep walking south past two rocks, where you may turn right. The guy
here gives you a random berry, so I would except his offer (even if it's
a crappy useless one). Now go up and enter the house here. Lanette does
not want word about the state of her house getting out in the public
(cause I'm sure everyone's dying to know), so she'll give you a LOTAD
DOLL to keep you quiet. Like you can talk anyway. Exit her house, and
find your way south and west until you spot some stairs leading onto a
rocky ground. Ascend them, then smash the rock in front of you with that
rock...smashing...thing to pick up a PROTEIN. This will permanently up
your Pokemon's Attack stat by a point. Now go south and right and up
some more stairs to a trainer. Notice those squares in the wall here;
you can make Secret Bases out of them if you want. Go down where you
must turn left and around. Continue traveling west and north till a cave
beckons you. Enter it.


METEOR FALLS
------------

 --------------------------
|  METEOR FALLS  | % RATES |
 --------------------------
|Solrock         |   20%   |
|Zubat           |   80%   |
 --------------------------

The new sun-shaped dude here is a Rock/Psychic, somewhat of a weird type
combo. Its stats are okay, and it doesn't learn any outstanding moves
(though TMs can do the trick anyway). It can be a pretty good Pokemon if
you train it enough, but I wouldn't spend any time on it. One good note
on it: it has the Ability to Levitate, which prevents Ground types from
doing any damage.

From the entrance, go straight up the stairs for a FULL HEAL. Nice. Now
go back to the beginning and turn left to trigger a scene. What the hell
is going on here?! This is too much for my under-developed brain to han-
dle. After that whole monstrosity is over, descend the stairs and con-
tinue to go left. At the end, walk north again up some stairs for a MOON
STONE! This contains the power to evolve some Pokemon, so hold onto it.
Now just go as far south as possible, jumping over the puddles (I guess
that's what they are) to exit this odd place.


ROAD BACK TO MT. CHIMNEY
------------------------

You'll arrive on Route 115 just north of Rustboro. Go down and use Rock
Smash on that thing to your right once your on the ground-ground. In
this section is a PP UP (permanently raises total PP of a move) and some
useless BLUK BERRIES. Now go around and defeat all the trainers (don't
forget the Battle Girl on the beach), then jump over the ledges south to
Rustboro. Let's pick up something while we're here. Stop by the Devon
Corp. Building and climb the floors to the President. He'll thank you
for delivering the letter and the goods (jeez, we did that a while ago!)
and award you with an EXP SHARE. When held by a Pokemon, it will gain
half of the Exp. without even stepping foot into battle! Handy for those
crappy dudes you carry around waiting to evolve.

You figured out where to go from Team Magma in Meteor Falls, and believe
it or not, you passed it on the way here. Go west to Route 116 and pass
through Rusturf Tunnel to Verdanturf Town. From there, continue west to
Mauville and I highly suggest you heal if you didn't already. Now travel
north all the way to the entrance to Fiery Path. Remember that house
northeast of the cave that was previously blocked by guys in the red
hoods (and then I made a terrible nursery rhyme joke)? Well now it's
wide open, so enter it and talk to the woman in here. Agree to ride up
on the cable car and you'll arrive at the center of the action.


MT. CHIMNEY
-----------

Go right and climb the several sets of stairs to find Magma and Aqua
locked in battle. Wait, who are the good guys again? Whatever, let's
just kick ass to anyone who stands in the way. Walk left on the top here
and up to trigger a Magma double battle. After they're toast, continue
upwards to fight Admin Tabitha. Come on, who's actually strong enough
to face us! Keep going up and save your game before you talk to anyone.
When you're all set, click on the guy next to the strange machine to get
another lecture (boring!!!) then a battle (alright!!!).

 ---------------------------------------
| MAXIE'S POKEMON | LV |   DIFFICULTY   |
 ---------------------------------------
|Mightyena        | 24 |    Toughest    |
|Zubat            | 24 |Are you kidding?|
|Camerupt         | 25 |Cake with Water |
 ---------------------------------------

What's with the semi-Mexican music? Maxie starts things of with probably
the hardest Pokemon in his arsenal, Mightyena. Its ability will cut down
on your Pokemon's Attack, so I'd suggest going for something a little
Special (Water, Grass, Fire, etc). It will constantly Bite you, which
has a good chance of causing your dude to flinch, so look out for that.
After it's dead, things get a little easier. Zubats are always easy
(it should be evolved by that level, though) so take it down with what-
ever. Note that Maxie will switch out if he doesn't like the matchup.
Camerupt is a pretty tough opponent, that is unless you have a Water-
type. If you do, take advantage of the double weakness and bring it
down. If you're missing a Water, this may be somewhat difficult. Its
favorite move is Magnitude, which will randomly do any amount of damage
(and sometimes it can be deadly). Use your strongest attack on it and 
hope that it's good enough to kill it (also know that it's weak against
Ground, so if you have a Geodude or Numel with Magnitude of your own,
now's a good chance to use it).

After being defeated, Maxie will disappear, and Archie will thank you.
I'm still confused. Oh well, just take the METEORITE from the machine
and return to the building of the cable car. Near it is an old lady
selling LAVA COOKIES, which will cure any status problems like a Full
Heal. Now find the opening going south of here.


JAGGED PASS
-----------

 -------------------------
|  JAGGED PASS  | % RATES |
 -------------------------
|Machop         |   25%   |
|Numel          |   65%   |
|Spoink         |   10%   |
 -------------------------

Spoink is an okay Psychic type with high Special and Speed, but hardly
any good attacks (there's Psybeam, and then pretty much nothing else for
quite a while). Still, you can just give it the Psychic TM and prepare
for a pretty good Pokemon come evolution time (Lv32). Personally, I like
the Abra and Ralts sets better when it comes to Psychics, but you can
go for Spoink for a little something different.

Jagged Pass really only requires jumping straight down over the ledges.
Half way down, you might see somebody dressed in a Team Magma uniform.
You can battle him, but he's not going to do anything about it (but what
was that about a Hideout?). Continue jumping south and battling the
trainers you come to. You can actually climb this thing if you really
wanted to with a Acro Bike (hold B and wait for you to jump, then hop
over those tiny red circles on the ground). Otherwise, keep hopping down
and through the exit. Step a few times west to arrive in our next town
(with a Gym this time!).


LAVARIDGE TOWN
--------------

I know what you're thinking, and yes, you can take a dip in the hot tub
thing by entering it through the Pokemon Center (and maybe find an ICE
HEAL while you're in there). At the Pokemart, you may want to buy your-
self some BURN HEALS if you didn't plant enough Rawst Berries (hint
hint).

The old woman in front of the hot springs found something and wants you
to have it: a Pokemon Egg! Keep it in your party just like a normal egg
you obtain through breeding and it will hatch to reveal a Wynaut! This
strange Pokemon has extremely high HP, but it learns no offensive moves
(plus you can't even teach it TMs)! At Lv15, it evolves into a Wobbuffet
and gains four attacks at once. What stinks about Wobbuffet is that the
only way to hurt other Pokemon, it must take damage itself (it only
knows Counter, Mirror Coat, and Destiny Bond; all three need its owner
to be hurt to work). However, it sort of works out since its HP is so
outrageously high, but do not use Wobbuffet unless you're a skilled 
Pokemon master (*clears throat* like myself *makes disgusting kissy 
faces*).

Right of the Gym is the Pokemon Herb Shop. The items they sell in here
are cheaper than what the Pokemart has, and they do the same thing.
However (here we go with the catch again), these potions are very bitter
to your Pokemon and could cause them not to like you very much. So take
your choice: Love or Money (wasn't that a crappy reality show)? Either
way, talk to an old guy in here for a CHARCOAL (this boosts Fire moves
when held). The house next to the Herb Shop contains a kid who likes to
Mimic other people and wants to teach your Pokemon to do the same. Mimic
is a move that copies your opponent's attack and gives you the option to
use it for one battle.

Let's not waste any more time here (although one can argue that every
time is wasted when you're stuck playing Pokemon), so heal up and enter
the Gym. You need to find your way to the leader using these sand-warp-
eruption-thingers (that's the technical name). Ignore the one just left
of you at the door and go northwest to step on the one there. From where
you landed, walk straight down and left (beware if you go between the
two holes; there are sneaky trainers hiding in them). I recommend you
step on the hole near the southwest corner of the building. In this new
area, keep against the west wall and walk straight up to the upper-left
hole. Do the same thing in this room (the northwest hole), then enter
the next hole that's one step right and three steps up. Now at the north
section, go right and use the first hole you come to. Almost there! You
now have two choices: lower-left or lower-right. Choose the rightmost
one, then go south over the ledge and take the final hole. It's go time,
beyatch! Heal up with items, get a good Water or Ground type on top of
your lineup (if you have one), save, and start this thing!

 ------------------------------------------
| FLANNERY'S POKEMON | LV |   DIFFICULTY   |
 ------------------------------------------
|Numel               | 24 | Semi-difficult |
|Slugma              | 24 | Not difficult  |
|Camerupt            | 26 |Pretty difficult|
|Torkoal             | 29 | VERY difficult |
 ------------------------------------------

When I say "Difficulty", I MEAN DIFFICULTY! Flannery's Numel is exactly
the same as Maxie's Numel down to its level and moves. Sure it has Ember
and Magnitude, plus a new Overheat attack that's like Ember times two,
it shouldn't be any match for you with Water (most other types are okay
as well). I said before that Slugma is the worst Fire type in the game,
and this girl's dude is no exception; kill that thing. Watch out for
the move Sunny Day; it will make sunlight shine in the arena and cause
Fire moves to increase in power (yikes!). And now for the final two
flammers (that sounded wrong). Camerupt will be a formidable opponent
with the Sunny Day/Overheat combo, plus the Attract move hiding up its
sleeve. If you can, keep a female out against it, otherwise switch out
or use the Red Flute if your guy is "immobilized by love". A Water type
will kill Camerupt as easy as its pre-evolution. Then comes Torkoal.
This turtle's shell gives it high Defense and Special Defense, so not
even a Water move could KO it as quick as you'd like. Like Camerupt, it
also has Attract, so try to keep a female in battle (why would you fall
in love with a fire-breathing turtle?!). The worst part about this is
when it uses Overheat, its Special Attack will drop like usual, but then
it will restore that with a White Herb (clever, but cheap). A girl Water
Pokemon it still the best against this, but look out for Body Slam (it
may just Paralyze you and your hopes of winning). When you finally get
around Torkoal's high Defense and Flannery's three Hyper Potions, she
will admit defeat. She'll award you with the HEAT BADGE, TM50, and the
ability to use Strength outside of battle. TM50 is Overheat, a strong
Fire move that will lower Special Attack harshly (but I think you fig-
ured that out already, you gifted child).


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                              |                       |
|                     Chapter Six:             |                       |
|                  THE BALANCE BADGE           |  fingernail clippers  |
|                                              |                       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


PRE-DAD-BATTLE SIDEQUESTS
-------------------------

When you exit the Gym, your old pal Brendan/May will pay you a visit.
No, he/she's not so cheap as to ambush you to a battle straight from a 
heated Gym Leader fight; instead he/she'll give you the GO-GOOGLES!
These will allow you to explore that desert area on Route 111, which is
conveniently where we're headed! Don't you just love how cocky that
jerk/biznatch is even though you beat him/her three times?!

To exit Lavaridge, just go east over the ledges (make sure you stop
after the second jump to pick up a handy NUGGET). Now that we have the
ability to use Strength, let's return to that part of Fiery Path where
a boulder blocks our way. Equip Strength from whomever you taught it to
and push the rock here all the way left. Now go under the next boulder
you come to and push it up, then heave the first one left once more. 
Next walk north and west to our next obstacle, where you should push it 
left three times so that you can take that path north. Up here is TM06! 
This is Toxic, a move that will not only Poison your foe, but also hurt 
your foe exponentially the more turns it survives. Handy little thing.

Get out of that section and take the road left of the huge-rock-thing.
Proceed to push that boulder all the way south and to the right. Now
knock the boulder right under it a space east to clear the path to a
FIRE STONE! This will evolve a certain Fire Pokemon found in Hoenn, so
keep it around. If you want to take the time and energy, you may con-
tinue north through here to Fallarbor and stop by Prof. Cosmo's house. 
He's all distraught that he couldn't get that Meteorite away from Team 
Magma, so why not give it to him? In return, you get TM27, Return! 
Aren't I clever? This move increases in power the more the Pokemon using
it likes you, so give it to a dude you had around for a while. Now find 
your way out of here back to the southern part of Route 112. Go east, 
then north at the end. Welcome to the Desert!

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 111  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Baltoy       |   30%   |
|Cacnea       |   10%   |
|Sandshrew    |   30%   |
|Trapinch     |   30%   |
 -----------------------

All new Pokemon to catch here. Sandshrew possesses nice Attack and De-
fense, but terrible Special (which is what all its weaknesses are) and
no decent Ground moves. Cool Normal attacks like Swift and Slash early
on make it tempting, but this dude just doesn't match up against other
better Pokemon you can get (like Trapinch, for example). This big-mouth
has even better Attack power and sweet Dark moves like Faint Attack and
Crunch. At Lv35, it evolves into a half-Dragon Pokemon, so you know it's
a damn fine dude to have around (plus, it can learn Fly)! Baltoy is a
Ground/Psychic with pretty good stats all around. It will have Psybeam
and Rock Tomb when you catch it, plus interesting attacks like Hyper
Beam and Explosion after evolution. I don't really like it as a Psychic
type because its half-Groundness gives it a ton of weaknesses, but its
high Defense (Special and not) might nullify that anyway. Finally, the
only non-Ground here: Cacnea. This Grass Pokemon stinks at everything
except Special Attack early on (plus gains no exciting moves), but like
most of the new Pokemon in this game, everything changes when it ev-
olves. Cacturne is a very well rounded Pokemon with a half-Dark side to
it (great against the many Psychics you'll face towards the end of the
game). It never really gets good attacks, but teach it something like
Giga Drain and Solarbeam using the TMs you'll receive in the not-so-
distant future, and this thing can score you a lot of one-hit-KOs!

The first thing you might notice (other than all the sand blowing around
and such) is a huge flashing pillar. If you don't see it, exit the Des-
ert and return (it appears randomly, so keep trying it). Make sure you
have a Mach Bike and something with Rock Smash, and enter this strange
building. Go around on the first floor until you see a ladder. Take it
and travel west. Notice how the ground seems all crumbly here. Well, you
need to build up speed on your Mach Bike and ride on it in order to
cross this section here. It can be pretty difficult, but you'll get it
after a few practices (I have faith in you, even though this relation-
ship seems to be one-sided). Once across, keep going to the next ladder.
Here, go clockwise to some smashy rocks, then take the ladder above 
them. At the top floor, use rock smash again in order to get onto the
platform with two crazy-looking rocks. These are fossils that can act-
ually be revived into Pokemon (ah, the miracle of science)! However, you
can only choose one of them (for now), so read my synopsis carefully:

If you choose the Claw Fossil, you'll end up with the Bug/Rock Pokemon
Anorith. This baby has high Attack and Defense that will double when it
evolves at Lv40. Until then, you have cool moves like Metal Claw and
Ancientpower to do damage with. While Anorith is more physically orient-
ed, Lileep of the Root Fossil thrives on Special. It's Grass/Rock, which
gives it a good offensive strategy while its hard exterior takes care of
matters on the other side. Whilst it doesn't gain any good moves natur-
ally, you can teach it any plant-like TM out there (and trust me, there
are plenty of them). So it's really a choice of high Attack and Defense
Anorith, or high Special Attack and Special Defense Lileep. While I
probably wouldn't use either of the two in my party, I would prefer the
Root Fossil just because Grass is a better type to carry around.

So pick one, and both the pillar and the other fossil will disappear
from sight. Oh well. We'll go and get your fossil Pokemon later, but
first explore this Desert section of Hoenn (it doesn't lead anywhere
new; it's just something else they make you accomplish). The sandstorm
brewin' here isn't just a show; it actually affects the battle too! If
you do not have a Rock or Ground Pokemon out in a fight, the sandstorm
will take a tiny bit of HP from your dude (which can add up pretty
quickly if you're not paying attention). If you travel to the extreme
south of the desert, you'll pick up TM37. With this, you can create a
little Sandstorm of your own outside of Route 111. Also, check around
these little rocks scattered about with your Itemfinder (one even has a
RARE CANDY!).

Our next optional adventure is with our favorite person in the world:
The Trick Matter! *sarcastic whoo-hoo* Well, you better get used to
this, because I'm taking you there every time we beat a Gym Leader. So
find your way back to Slateport and go north to the Trick Master's
House. Enter it, and you should know the drill by now. Click on the
dresser there and begin the challenge. Obviously, this involves Rock
Smash. So get the rocks here out of your way and travel east to battle
Camper Justin. Keep going right to the wall, then go upwards until there
is a past west that leads to a trainer (Hiker Alan, to be exact). Beat
his rocky crew, then go straight left to a button. And the scroll is
already in reach! Something tells me that wasn't the hard part. From
the scroll, push the button that's to the right of it, and return to the
eastern wall. Go all the way north to a button that opens the door to
the finish line. Wow, that one was easy! Enter the password on the door
(coveted my ass) and talk to him to claim your prize: a HARD STONE.
When held by a Pokemon, it will increase the power of Rock attacks. Do
we really have to come back for the next exciting installment? Yes you
do, so stop whining about it!

Well, if you take the time to call up your father, you'll realize where
our next Gym battle will take place. In order to get there, travel north
to Mauville. I suggest your Pokemon are around (or over) Lv30 to proceed
to the next Gym Leader, but what do I know (I've only played this game
twenty thousand times...*sigh*). When you're all set, continue west to 
Verdanturf, west through Rusturf Tunnel, and west to Rustboro. While 
we're here, stop by the Devon Corp. Building again. On the second floor, 
talk to the lower-right scientist and he'll agree to revive you fossil 
into a Pokemon! It takes a while to work (in other words, just go down 
to the first floor then return back again), but a cool Lv20 Lileep or 
Anorith will be your reward! Mazel tov! Now onward with our journey! Go 
south to and through Petalburg Woods, then southeast on Route 104 to 
finally arrive in Petalburg City. 


RETURN TO PETALBURG
-------------------

The Pokemart now sells better items like Great Balls and Super Potions 
(and I would pick up quite a few of that last one if I were in your 
smelly shoes). When you feel all ready and raring to go, heal, and enter
your father's Gym. There are really no puzzles in here; just tough pre-
leader trainers that you must defeat a minimum of three to advance. They
each have a different battle style that forces you to come up with some
strategy of your own in order to beat them. Here are the different
levels, rooms, Pokemon, and the approach the trainers use.

1st level: Speed Room with an extremely fast Swellow.
           Accuracy Room with a Delcatty that specializes in moves that
           never miss.

2nd level: Confusion Room with a Spinda that has moves to...well...Con-
           fuse you (duh stupid).
           Defense Room with a Wigglyfuff (a Pokemon that naturally has
           high Defense) that will use Double Edge (a strong attack that
           also hurts the user).
           Recovery Room with a Slakoth where the trainer will piss you
           off by using several Potions and such.

3rd level: Strength Room with a Zangoose (a Pokemon that naturally has
           high Attack) which has high powered moves (I'd stay away from
           this one).
           One-Hit-KO Room with a Vigorith that will try to score Crit-
           ical Hits with Slash (this one's easier than the Zangoose).

Like I said, you really only need to beat one from each level, but you
can beat all seven if you want to (a real master would do it *points to
me*). Once you're through to the leader, go back and heal at the Center
(you'll probably need it), and return the same exact way you reached
him again. If you have a Pokemon with a Fighting attack (Rock Smash 
doesn't count), get it on top of your party, then save and begin to beat 
up your dear old dad.

 ------------------------------------------
| NORMAN'S POKEMON | LV |    DIFFICULTY    |
 ------------------------------------------
|Spinda            | 27 |   Pretty easy    |
|Vigoroth          | 27 | Fast and furious |
|Linoone           | 29 |  Simple to beat  |
|Slaking           | 31 |Sorta challenging |
 ------------------------------------------

All of your father's Pokemon are Normal-type, so Fighting types are good
on offense while Steel and Rock can easily stand up to it defensively.
First out is Spinda, which will try to Confuse you right from the gecko
with Teeter Dance (I can see why such an annoying dance can confuse
somebody). Also, most of his Pokemon will use a semi-powerful attack 
called Facade, which will actually increase in power if the user is 
Poisoned, Burned, or Paralyzed (so I would stay away from infecting 
status conditions if I were you). Vigoroth is super fast and super
strong with Slash and Facade (here's where you might need those Super
Potions if you have them). Just try to kill it with the strongest attack
you've got. Linoone (Zigzagoon's evolution) will also try the same tac-
tic as Vigoroth, but it's nowhere near as powerful. KO it with whatever.
Next, you'll realize why it truly is good to be the king. Slaking has
high HP, Attack, Defense, Speed, Special Defense...okay, everything! It
will use Focus Punch to finish your dude if you don't attack him in
time, plus Facade if you think it's a good idea to Poison it or some-
thing like that. It's also holding a Sitrus Berry (which heals 30HP when
down) and your dad has 5 (yes, f-i-v-e) Hyper Potions to restore it com-
pletely when you begin to think you've got this battle won. What makes
Slaking a tiny bit easier is that it will only attack every other turn,
giving you the opportunity to heal or make your move one extra turn 
while it's "loafing around". Finally, when its all over, your father
will give you the BALANCE BADGE. Also, since you're a good little boy or
girl, he'll throw in TM42 (Facade)! Whoo-hoo (not sarcastic this time).
And it doesn't end there! Wally's dad will bring you to his home and
give you HM03 as a bribe! This is Surf, a great Water attack in battle 
and a sweet move that allows you to swim across a body of water on the
field. I wish people gave crap away like this in real life!


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                |                     |
|                   Chapter Seven:               |                     |
|                  THE FEATHER BADGE             |  nosehair trimmers  |
|                                                |                     |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


SCREWING AROUND
---------------

We're going to do exactly what that title suggests. First off, talk to
Wally's mother in here to find out some semi-not-really-interesting
information (you can even call the kid-in-question to confirm it). Oh
whatever then. While you're in Petalburg and you have Surf, find the
pond on the southwest edge of town. Click on it to start Surfing, and do
that all the way to the bottom for an ETHER. If you do the same on the
northeast pond, a MAX REVIVE will be your reward.

Now take the short journey from Petalburg to your home in Littleroot.
Hey, remember this stupid place? Talk to your loving mother (who threw
you in the moving van) will give you an AMULET COIN for beating that bum
of a father (and also register her if you didn't do it before, you un-
grateful child). An Amulet Coin will double the payout from trainers if
a Pokemon holding it enters the battle. Hooray for extortion!

Return to Petalburg, then go through Petalburg Woods once again to the
north part of Route 104. Surf east on this lake and grab a PP UP. Now
travel north through Rustboro to Route 115. This place was limited in
what you could explore earlier in the game, but that was way back before
you had Surf (we were such savages in those days). Go to the western
side and Surf northward. The first landmass you come to is that road
near the exit of Meteor Falls. While we're here, check on the Match Call
feature of your Pokenav. From now on, red and white flashing boxes may
appear next to a trainer's name. If that happens, that person would like
to battle you again. They have gotten stronger (and maybe even diff-
erent) Pokemon then they had last time, so it's an excellent way to
level up even more. The battle-again-box will only show up if, at some
point, you traveled on the same route they have (so there's a pretty
good chance Blackbelt Nob or Battle Girl Cyndy wants a piece of you
right now). Keep an eye on your Match Call from now on (just because one
of the dorks on it calls you doesn't mean they want to battle, although
it would be nice if they had something interesting to say once in a
while).

When you're ready, continue to Surf upwards until you hit the next
beachy area. Step north up the convenient stairs and into the foresty
area (don't you just love my adjectives?). There are quite a few of
trainers (including one that's hiding behind a really fake tree), so
beat them all up. On the right side, ascend the stairs and pick up TM01!
This is Focus Punch, a powerful Fighting attack that will most likely
KO anything in its path. However, you must make your move second and if
your opponent attacks, it loses its concentration and can't move. A very
risky chance. Also, if you have your Mach Bike, ride up the slope (aka:
grey-white thing) on the east side and grab an IRON (ups Defense stat).
Now exit the mountainy area and take the middle path above all those
trainers for six KELPSY BERRIES! These will make your Pokemon like you
more, but will also lower its Attack stat (Soothe Bell is better). Take
the western road now to some wild grass!

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 115  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Jigglypuff   |    4%   |
|Swablu       |   16%   |
|Swellow      |   16%   |
|Taillow      |   36%   |
|Wingull      |   20%   |
 -----------------------

All Flying types to catch here (which is handy because we'll be getting
an HM made for Flyers really soon), except for the new guy: Jigglypuff.
This puffball has been in the very first Pokemon games, and its stats
have gotten a little better as the years pass, but it's still not a good
Pokemon to have around. The only good part about Jigglypuff is its HP
stat, but that really doesn't matter since its Defense is so terrible.
It gets a tiny bit better when it evolves from a Moon Stone, but it
sucks even for a Normal type. Catch it if you're looking to fill your
Pokedex (good luck with that, sucker), and make sure to breed it for an
unbearably cute Igglybuff!

There's nothing more to do here, so exit this route south to Rustboro.
Our next destination is returning to Mauville, but why go the convent-
ional way through Rusturf Tunnel and Verdanturf? I suggest that you go
back to Route 104 South (west of Petalburg) and Surf on the water you
originally used that old bald guy's boat to travel on! There are quite
a few trainers to advance yourself with, plus there's a cool item wait-
ing for you on Dewford. So Surf on Routes 105 and 106, defeat all the
Swimmers and such, and maybe even snag some wild Pokemon in the water.

 ----------------------------
|  ROUTES 105-109  | % RATES |
 ----------------------------
|Pelipper          |    5%   |
|Tentacool         |   65%   |
|Wingull           |   30%   |
 ----------------------------

Pelipper is Wingull's evolution (if you can't tell). Once your back in
Dewford, enter the annoying trendy fan club place. One of the people in
here thinks Sludge Bomb is cool no matter what you believe, and it will-
ing to prove it to you by giving away TM36! This is the best Poison att-
ack in the game, Sludge Bomb, which also has a very good chance of Poi-
soning your foe. Make sure you give it to somebody. Now surf east of
Dewford all the way to Slateport (while battling whoever you can find).
Midway through, you might notice a boat sitting around. You can enter
it and beat the few trainers running in there, but I'm going to refrain
from exploring it with you until we have all we need to search the en-
tire thing. Once you finally arrive on Slateport Beach, look in your
Match Call to see if any of the stupid Tubers want to be defeated again,
and walk north into the city. The hippie mart now has a store that sells
decorations to your Secret Base, in case you wanted to spruce it up.
There's nothing else to do here, so travel north on Route 110 to, that's
right, the Trick Master's House (I can just see the excitement in your
eyes!).

This time you don't get a flash to tell you where this douchebag is 
hiding, but I'm going to just tell you anyway (you cheating piece of 
crap): the window left of the door. Once you've forcibly agreed to his 
challenge, go through the hole behind the scroll. Walk straight up then 
right to two movable boulders diagonal to one another. Equip Strength, 
and push the southern one over, then travel southeast from there to 
another boulder. Push it to the left, then the next one down, and click 
on the scroll. Are these getting easier or what? Now return to the first 
rock you pushed and so northeast of there. Shove the boulder all the way 
down this narrow passage and walk right to face Battle Girl Paula. Now 
push the rock above to up once and right twice, then the southern bould-
er in the triangle above you to the right to reach the door. Once you 
reach the Trick Master (cool my ass), he'll award you with the SMOKE 
BALL. If a Pokemon holds this, you are guaranteed to escape from a wild 
dude (unless it has an ability to prevent that). Now exit this hellhole 
(at least you're half way done with these challenges!).

West of the Trick House is Route 103, where to can Surf across the pond
here to reach Petalburg and Littleroot easier if you have to. Otherwise,
get on Cycling Road and return to that Electric City.


NEW MAUVILLE
------------

This isn't quite screwing around, but it's also not really necessary to 
beat the game (but there are cool Pokemon to catch!). In the middle of 
Mauville, you'll find your old pal Wattson just standing around. What's 
he doing outside the Gym? Talk to him and he'll ask to to run an errand 
in a place called New Mauville. Once you receive the BASEMENT KEY, go 
south to Route 110 and stand in front of the huge lake here. Surf on it 
westward and you'll eventually reach a cave just sitting there. Enter 
it, and welcome to New Mauville.

 --------------------------
|  NEW MAUVILLE  | % RATES |
 --------------------------
|Electrode       |   10%   |
|Magnemite       |   40%   |
|Magneton        |   10%   |
|Voltorb         |   40%   |
 --------------------------

Both Voltorb and Magnemite (and evolutions Electrode and Magneton, re-
pectfully) are Electric Pokemon with high Special Attack. Which one to
pick goes on which stat do you like better: Speed or Defense? When Volt-
orb evolves into Electrode at Lv30, it becomes the fastest Pokemon in
the entire game. Magnemite is part Steel, which is good against prac-
tically any type (and it also helps that it holds a great Defense card).
So which one you prefer (if any) is up to you. Just know one thing: you
WILL need a good Electric type to beat this game, and these two just may
be the best there is.

Walk straight up to the door in order to unlock it. In this Power Plant
like place, you're blocked on both sides by a green door on the right
and a red one on the left. Notice that red button below you. Step on it,
and the red door will disappear. Now go left and step on the green
switch you'll find. Continue on that path until you reach another red
button, BUT DO NOT STEP ON IT (if you do, you'll have to go back and
step on that green button again). Just ignore it and turn right. Go
north through the first tiny opening you can to a button with an item
ball over it. Take the ESCAPE ROPE there, then press the switch to clear
the red door northwest of you. Take the path where the door once was and
you'll find two buttons with two item balls over them. Take the PARLYZ
HEAL on your left, but don't touch the right one (it's a Voltorb in
disguise). Also, don't hit either button and continue forward to the
next blockade. Go in the little button compartment and take the FULL
HEAL on top of the green switch, then press it to remove the door. We've
arrived at the end! Press the final button to turn off the generator,
and don't forget to snatch that THUNDERSTONE while you're here. This
has the power to evolve a certain Electric Pokemon caught later on in
the game. Now use that Escape Rope to exit this place!

Return to Wattson in Mauville and he'll be excited that you've completed
this task (maybe a little TOO excited). He'll give you TM24, Thunder-
bolt, the second best Electric move in the game. Hehe..."take charge".
This guy tells worse jokes than I do...if that's possible.


ROAD TO FORTREE
---------------

The path to our next city is a little long, so make sure you're prepared
with the proper items and such for an arduous journey (I'd also trade 
for my Acro Bike as well). Travel east from Mauville to Route 118, then 
Surf across this stream here to reach the other side. Talk to the Fish-
erman staring to where you just came from to get the GOOD ROD! Alright, 
it's about time we've upgraded our fishing abilities! Why don't you try 
it out in the water here?

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 118  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Electrike    |   28%   |
|Kecleon      |    4%   |
|Linoone      |   12%   |
|Manectric    |   12%   |
|Wingull      |   12%   |
|Zigzagoon    |   32%   |
 -----------------------
|   SURFING   | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Pelipper     |    5%   |
|Tentacool    |   65%   |
|Wingull      |   30%   |
 -------------------------------------------
|   FISHING   |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 -------------------------------------------
|Carvanha     |    -    |   20%   |   75%   |
|Magikarp     |   75%   |   60%   |    -    |
|Sharpedo     |    -    |    -    |   25%   |
|Tentacool    |   25%   |   20%   |    -    |
 -------------------------------------------

Can I make these charts any more confusing?! If you're looking for a
Water/Dark Pokemon that has high Speed and Attack plus sweet moves early
on, Carvanha and evolution Sharpedo are the way to go (gee, you're aw-
fully specific). What makes it worth while is its ability Rough Skin,
which hurts your foe if it attacks you directly. That's a nice way to
kill your opponent softly. As for wild grass dudes, Kecleon is a Normal
Pokemon at first, but its ability changes its type corresponding to the
attack it was hit with. That could really trip up your opponent if he's
not careful (or maybe backfire and help him out). Aside from that, it
has high Attack and Special Defense, plus an onslaught of rather low but
interesting moves of all different types to work with. You probably
won't find one in the grass here (unless you're uuber lucky), but you're
guaranteed to face two wild ones a little later on.

Notice those reporters you faced earlier on Route 111 are back. Beat
their Lv27 Magnemite and Loudred and you'll have another opportunity to
speak your mind in an interview (if only one word is on your mind). Now
go right and above the ledge to meet an old friend. After that's over,
Cut the tree northwest of there and pick the SITRUS BERRIES! These are
probably the best berries in the game, as they will automatically heal
30HP. Make sure to grow as many as possible. From there, go straight
east to a HYPER POTION, then jump over the ledge and go east some more
to Route 123. 

Explore this area (where you can only make a limited amount of pro-
gress), and make sure you stop by the fenced-in garden. It contains 
POMEG (makes friendly but lowers HP), GREPA (does same but lowers 
Special Defense), and QUALOT (does same but lowers regular Defense) 
Berries. Now enter the house and speak to the Berry Master, who will 
give you two different Berries (go to my Berries section if you don't 
know what they do). Also, if you recite a phrase to the old lady here, 
she'll also give you a random Berry. There is something special to this 
create-a-phrase thing, but I'll go over it later when its actually use-
ful. Now return to Route 118 and go north through the opening to Route
119!

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 119  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Kecleon      |    5%   |
|Linoone      |   25%   |
|Oddish       |   20%   |
|Tropius      |   15%   |
|Zigzagoon    |   35%   |
 -----------------------
|   SURFING   | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Pelipper     |    5%   |
|Tentacool    |   65%   |
|Wingull      |   30%   |
 -------------------------------------------
|   FISHING   |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 -------------------------------------------
|Carvanha     |    -    |   20%   |  100%   |
|Feebas       |    0%*  |    0%*  |    0%*  |
|Magikarp     |   75%   |   60%   |    -    |
|Tentacool    |   25%   |   20%   |    -    |
 -------------------------------------------
*Depends on the saying at the Dewford Trend Club

Tropius is a Grass/Flying dude with some cool moves like Magical Leaf,
Body Slam, and eventually Solar Beam. It can also learn that Flying HM
I've been constantly eluding to for quite some time. However, its stats
are very middle of the road, and it doesn't have an evolution to make it
any better. Feebas has got to be the most annoying Pokemon ever devised.
First of all, it sucks (it even gives Magikarp a run for its money at
suckiness). It can learn TMs, but it has absolutely no stats to back
them up. Secondly, how you catch it is total crap. On this long-ass road
along the river, there are only six tiles where you can stand in order
to find this thing, and where the tiles are depend on the stupid trend
you created back in Dewford. How does that make any sense?! You probably
have to try fishing in every single spot along the river to find it,
which could take countless hours out of your meaningful life. Once you
finally have it in your possession, it's not any good until you make it
evolve (stupid idiotic thing #3). In order to get a Milotic (which hon-
estly isn't half bad), you must use Pokeblocks to max out its Beauty
condition, which I bet you don't even know what that is yet (don't
worry, you're not supposed to at this part of the game). But believe me,
it's annoying and practically impossible unless you caught a Feebas with
a perfect nature. But if you do find a spot with Feebas, MEMORIZE THAT
SPOT FOR FUTURE REFERENCE! You can't beat the Pokedex without this re-
tarded thing.

This is extra tall grass. You cannot ride you bike through it, so unless
you take the time to Cut your way through, explore it on foot. There are
a few trainers in here that mimic your movements through the grass, so
battle them if you get a chance (and yes, if it's raining, it does 
affect the battle by raising Water and Electric moves and lowering Grass 
and Fire). Once you've found your way through, go to the left side and 
Surf on the water northwest to a piece of land with a trainer and a ZINC
(raises Special Defense). Now return to the main route and go north up
some stairs. If you go left through the tall grass, you find some LEPPA
and SITRUS BERRIES. Also, the white bridge here is designed for jumping
using your Acro Bike. Press up on the control pad and B at the same time
to jump to a secret area with a base and hidden CALCUIM. Now return to
the main road once again and go north to battle Pokemon Ranger Cather-
ine, then travel west over the long-ass bridge. From there, go north
through some more tall grass, then veer right into more grass to some
stairs. Turn right before the rocky area for an ELIXIR, then go up the
stairs for a double battle (notice the fake rock trainers hanging
around...those jerks). From there, just keep going north until you reach
a building. Look who's blocking your way on the bridge. Crap, not these
mofos again! Well, let's enter the Weather Institute and see what's
going on.

Walk through the opening and go northwest to a bed (if you click on it,
your dudes will be healed up). Now traverse right, getting by the Team
Aqua members, to reach the stairs. On the second floor, there are even
more Aqua grunts crawling around, so dispatch with all of them (includ-
ing Admin Shelly) and you'll convince them to pack their asses up and
leave town. For helping them out, the meteorologists will give you a new
Pokemon: Castform! This guy's ability changes its type according to the
weather (Fire if sunny, Water if rainy, Ice if snowy). It also learns/
can learn attacks corresponding to its different forms, including a move
that relates to what the atmospheric conditions are like. However, the
key to every Pokemon are its stats, and Castform's ain't very good. Keep
it in your box for an interesting companion.

Make sure you heal once more before you exit, because I have the feeling
you'll be meeting up with another headache from the past shortly. Go
across the bridge, then south for another ELIXIR. Return north a tiny
bit more and...wait, I know that music. Oh crap, here we go again!

 ---------------------------------------------------------
| RIVAL BATTLE #4 |   POKEMON   | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    | 
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Pelipper     | 29 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|   is Treecko    |Lombre       | 29 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|                 |Combusken    | 31 |Water/Psychic/Flying|
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Lombre       | 29 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|   is Torchic    |Slugma       | 29 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|                 |Marshtomp    | 31 |       GRASS        |
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Slugma       | 29 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|    is Mudkip    |Pelipper     | 29 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|                 |Grovyle      | 31 | Fire/Flying/Poison |
 ---------------------------------------------------------

Brendan/May has the same Pokemon he/she did before, only higher leveled
(but still not higher to where you're supposed to be). Just beat down
your opponent's Pokemon the same way you always do, and make sure you
bring out a type advantage over his/her starter. When you are proclaimed
the victor, you'll receive HM02! This is Fly, a move that most anything
with wings can learn. It will teleport you to any city you've already
visited in Hoenn, so it's a hell of a lot better than walking every-
where. However, you need the next Gym Badge to use it (son of a...).

After Scott enlightens you on how upset your made your rival (sweet, I
love spreading misery around), continue north to some trainers and POMEG
BERRIES, then turn east to Fortree City.


FORTREE CITY
------------

Apparently, everyone in this village is under the age of ten because why
else would they choose to live in treehouses (other than poor mortgage
rates)? The Pokemart here sells ULTRA BALLS and HYPER POTIONS, which are
practically the best of the two that money can buy. Explore the many
treehouses for interesting items. The second-upper house on the left
is home to a woman that will give you TM10 if you correctly guess which
hand she holds a coin (it's random, so happy guessing). Hidden Power is
an attack that will vary by type according to the Pokemon. It's not very
strong though, so don't bother with it. The other dude in this very home
wants to teach your Pokemon Sleep Talk, an attack that will choose one
of your guy's moves while it's asleep! You should have items to cure
that anyway, but otherwise it's a little backhanded move that may just
pull a win out of your ass (and hopefully that and excrement is all that 
comes out of there).

Enter the upper-right house and talk to the kid here to make his Wingull
fly away (this will be semi-important later). The lower-right building
is a shop for your Secret Base, so waste your hard-earned money on 
pettily crap if you really want to. Well, there's really nothing else to
do here since an invisible object is blocking our path to the Gym, so
let's continue east on our next windy road.


ROUTE 120
---------

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 120  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Absol        |   12%   |
|Kecleon      |    4%   |
|Marill       |   12%   |
|Mightyena    |   28%   |
|Oddish       |   12%   |
|Poochyena    |   28%   |
|Seedot       |    4%   |
 -----------------------
|   SURFING   | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Goldeen      |    5%   |
|Marill       |   95%   |
 -------------------------------------------
|   FISHING   |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 -------------------------------------------
|Barboach     |    -    |   20%   |  100%   |
|Goldeen      |   25%   |   20%   |    -    |
|Magikarp     |   75%   |   60%   |    -    |
 -------------------------------------------

Absol is a pure Dark Pokemon that's about three times better than Pooch-
or Mightyena. It has great regular and Special Attack, plus a nice
assortment of moves along the way (not to mention it can be taught 31 of
the 50 TMs). It doesn't evolve, but with the stats it carries, who needs
a stronger form?

Continue going east on this route until the tall grass is in sight. If
you try descending those stairs to an item, you'll be blocked once again
by an unseeable object. What the hell's up with this place?! Continue on
your eastwardly path until you find those reporters again (long time no
see). Once you defeat their Lv30 Magneton and Loudred again, I hope you
know the drill by now. After this battle, they will return to their spot
you found them first on Route 111, then on Route 118, then here again on
Route 120, then the cycle begins again. You can battle them infinitely
if you like, but an interview sort of loses its charm after 500 times.

Go south through the grass to battle Bird Keeper Robert, then travel
west across a bridge to meet yet another old companion. Talk to him, and
he'll force you to battle what-was-previously an invisible Lv30 Kecleon.
That's what's been blocking us everywhere! You can catch it if you'd
like, otherwise beat it into submission (you can also run away, but
where's the pride in that, pansy?). After that, Steven will give you a
DEVON SCOPE. Now we can uncover the hidden Kecleons all over town!

Return to those stairs that were previously blocked. Beat the Kecleon
hiding here, then go down to retrieve a NEST BALL. Now Surf across this
pond to the other side and enter the cave. Inside the Scorched Slab,
you'll find TM11! This is Sunny Day, a move that will make the weather
nice and hot (perfect for boosting Fire and Grass attacks). Now get your
butt back to Fortree.


BACK TO FORTREE CITY
--------------------

Go towards the Gym and use your Devon Scope to reveal the Kecleon here
(it will only run away though). Now that the path is clear, enter the
big shiny building. The annoying puzzle in this Gym involves positioning
the sliding bars so you may pass them. For the first one, push it down
from above so that it makes a "T", then move ahead of it and push it
down once more so you come out the other side. Just eight more of those!
Do the same with the next one, then walk north and push the following
spiny-bar-thing up on the left side to advance. The next two sort of
work together: push the southern one to the right, then go up and shove
the northern thing to the left. Now go back south so you move the south
one back to its original position, then move it right once again and go
straight north to the other side (where Flint and Edwardo will ambush
you). From there, go left and ignore the first bar thingy you come to.
Instead, keep going left and push the next one rightward (go on the left
side of the bar sticking out and knock it from there). Now return to the
one right of that and travel north up that path so it turns to the left.
Continue up and push the "7" shaped one, then go left and back down to
the first one you moved in this sequence (it should return to its "T"
shape). Go back to the southeast bar thingy and push the long side to
the right, then go north through it and turn east. Gee, that was annoy-
ing! Now save your game and let's start up some crap!

 ------------------------------------------
| WINONA'S POKEMON | LV |    DIFFICULTY    |
 ------------------------------------------
|Swablu            | 29 |  Below Average   |
|Tropius           | 29 |     Average      |
|Pelipper          | 30 |     Average      |
|Skarmory          | 31 |     Average      |
|Altaria           | 33 |  Above Average   |
 ------------------------------------------

What makes this leader so easy is that Winona is basically the same as
Norman level-wise, and you've done quite a bit of training since you
battled your dad! Swablu will try to attack using Mirror Move, which
sends whatever move you just did right back at you. Kill it with what-
ever and move on. Tropius can be rather pesky with Synthesis, a self
healing move that will work very well if it uses Sunny Day. However, a
good Fire, Poison, Ice, or even a fellow Flying type will dispatch with
it easily. Pelipper is also annoying on the defensive side with Super-
sonic (Confuses you) and Protect (automatically blocks your attack). It
is double weak against Electric, so zap it right away. Skarmory is al-
ready tough with its part Steel type, but nothing a Fire or Electric
can't handle. Look out for Aerial Ace: a tough Flying attack that is
guaranteed never to miss. Finally, the Flying/Dragon Altaria comes out
to play. This thing will use Dragon Dance the first three turns in order
to get its Attack and Speed higher than it already was (and it WAS good
to begin with). Do not send an Electric type out; it will one-hit-KO you
with Earthquake (the game's best Ground attack). This thing is double
Super Effective against Ice, but chances are you don't have one of those
attacks in your lineup (if you do, be my guest). Gee, I use a lot of
parentheses, don't I (like right here)? Anyway, when Winona is defeated,
you'll receive the FEATHER BADGE! Also, she's nice enough to give you
TM40 as well. Aerial Ace is just as strong as Fly, only it doesn't take
up two turns (plus it has a 100% accuracy rating)!


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                     |                |
|                       Chapter Eight:                |                |
|                       THE MIND BADGE                |  toilet paper  |
|                                                     |                |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


ROAD TO LILYCOVE
----------------

How does it feel to have three-fourths of the Gym Badges in hand? Do you
feel all tingly inside? You do? Well, I think you should get a doctor to
take a look at that, because it doesn't seem normal to me. Anyway, it's
time for another long-ass treacherous trainer-filled journey to our next
city. So heal up, grab the supplies you need, and travel east to Route
120. We began this trip before, but I say we only got through about 15%
of it. I don't know about you, but I'm not the kind of person who starts
something then forgets about finishing the rest (although my mother will
tend to differ).

Get through this familiar part here and cross the bridge you encountered
Steven on before. From there, go south and east into a open area filled
with stupid easy trainers and a REVIVE. If you travel all the way to the 
right of this spot, you'll find some ASPEAR BERRIES hiding behind a Cut 
tree. These will cure Pokemon of the Frozen status, so keep them in your 
bag. Now find the road south of there to a hedge maze (although you can
cheat and walk through the hedges, you piece of crap). On the left side,
you can find yet another hidden Kecleon, and behind it a NUGGET. Once
you're at the very bottom, hop over the ledges and traverse the bridge.
Now continue south to a HYPER POTION in the grass, then notice the girl
near the stairs and PECHA BERRIES. She'll give you a random berry, so
take advantage of her kindness (like you always do, jerk) and snag it.
Now ascend the staircase for a myriad of worthless berries (although we
might be able to put a use to these things in the next city), and Surf
across the water for a FULL HEAL. Return to the main road and follow the
path east to Route 121.

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 121  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Gloom        |   12%   |
|Kecleon      |    4%   |
|Mightyena    |   12%   |
|Oddish       |   16%   |
|Poochyena    |   16%   |
|Shuppet      |   28%   |
|Wingull      |   12%   |
 -----------------------

Shuppet is really the first Ghost you can catch, which is a very inter-
esting type seeing as though Normal or Fighting attacks go right through
it (or at least that's what it's supposed to imply). Unfortunately, that
is about all the positives of this thing, since it hardly get any good
attacks and the stats are extremely tepid (and doesn't get much better
after evolution). Besides, all you really need is to give one of your
Pokemon a Ghost TM to be all set on this type, and we're about to get
that very shortly.

Find where the trees end and the fence begins on the north side for some
very useful berries (PERSIM, ASPEAR, RAWST, and CHESTO). Continue east
to a scene (oh, crap, not again!) and a Cut tree where you'll find a 
building. This is the entrance to the Safari Zone, a place were you can 
find some can't-catch-anywhere-else Pokemon! We'll come back to it after 
we reach our destination. Go down the stairs for a Sr. & Jr. Double 
Battle. Descend the next set of stairs and turn left for a ZINC, then 
continue the path eastward. Once the fence blocks you, turn north and
trigger the double battle to reach a REVIVE if it suits you. Once you
go all the way north, you have a quandary: left or right? If you turn
left, all that's there is a trainer and a CARBOS, so I'd take the right
road (right as in "correct" and the direction. Aren't I clever? Don't
answer that!). Take the first path south you come to, then proceed going
east on this road until you can pick the NANAB BERRIES if you seriously
want to. Otherwise, our city is right there on your right.


LILYCOVE CITY
-------------

Wander around this city at your leisure and try not to look like a
stupid tourist. You'll notice that there are quite a few of houses here,
but none really have anything interesting. The weird red building with
the pinkish-blue roof (I'm not sure; I'm colorblind *feels crippled*) is
where you can contend in Pokemon Contests. These are basically pageants 
you can force your Pokemon to compete in. There are five categories:
Coolness, Beauty, Cuteness, Smartness, and Toughness. Which contest
suits which Pokemon are based on three things: its nature, the nature of
its moves (if you choose the last page of your Pokemon's summary sheet,
it will tell you), and its condition. You have control over your Poke-
mon's condition by feeding it Pokeblocks. Now what the hell are Poke-
blocks?! They are little candies that you can feed your Pokemon to aid
its Coolness/Beauty/Cuteness/etc. In order to get Pokeblocks, talk to
the leftmost lady at the counter to receive a POKEBLOCK CASE. Now go to
the right side of the building and notice those machines with people
crowding around it. These things allow you to make Pokeblocks by input-
ing berries (those before-useless ones that we've been collecting all
this time are the best for this) and playing a silly spiny game to get
a better quality Pokeblock. I have to be honest: Pokemon Contests are
the dumbest idea in the history of the Pokemon series. I hate them, and
vicariously, I hardly know anything useful I can tell you about them. I
would much rather beat the living crap out of cocky trainers than have
my dudes prance around in a sissy beauty pageant (I've always been an
aggressive child *punches random person*). However, if you disagree and
want to check out these crappy things, I suggest you look up dmon2's
walkthrough on GameFAQs:

http://db.gamefaqs.com/portable/gbadvance/file/pokemon_emerald_e.txt

He is a master of Pokemon Contests the same way I am a master of getting
girls to file restraining orders against me (and that's pretty master-
ful!). So go ahead to his FAQs to find out stuff on these contests. And
no, dmon2 is NOT paying me to do this (*secretly receives $20 from
dmon2*).

With all of that crap put of the way, go to the northern part of Lily-
cove. Right of the Mart (and the jerk/broad standing in front of it) is
the Move Deleter! This absent-minded man will spread his condition to
your Pokemon and make it forget an attack. This is the only way to 
delete HM moves, so remember this psycho. Continue east from there to
an old dude with a hat that will give you a random berry, and hop south
over the ledges to a house. Talk to the chubby sleepy man to get TM44!
This is Rest, a move that will heal your Pokemon completely in exchange
for two turns of Sleep. Hyper Potions are better, but whatever. Now go
and heal up, then talk to the annoying kid in front of the huge Poke-
mart. He/she won't move until you battle him/her, so let's kick this
mofo's ass once and for all!

 ---------------------------------------------------------
| RIVAL BATTLE #5 |   POKEMON   | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    | 
 ---------------------------------------------------------
|                 |Tropius      | 31 |  ICE/Fire/Flying   |
| If your starter |Pelipper     | 32 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|   is Treecko    |Ludicolo     | 32 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|                 |Combusken    | 34 |Water/Psychic/Flying|
 ---------------------------------------------------------
|                 |Tropius      | 31 |  ICE/Fire/Flying   |
| If your starter |Slugma       | 32 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|   is Torchic    |Ludicolo     | 32 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|                 |Marshtomp    | 34 |       GRASS        |
 ---------------------------------------------------------
|                 |Tropius      | 31 |  ICE/Fire/Flying   |
| If your starter |Slugma       | 32 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|    is Mudkip    |Pelipper     | 32 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|                 |Grovyle      | 34 | Fire/Flying/Poison |
 ---------------------------------------------------------

All your rival did was add a Tropius to his/her lineup, so kill it like
you did all those other times you faced this Pokemon. Your starter
should be fully evolved right now (Sceptile, Blaziken, or Swampert), but
your rival's isn't, so take major advantage of this lapse of reason.
Once you destroy him/her again for the fifth time, he/she'll Fly back to
Littleroot and mope. Good riddance!

Enter this gigantic Pokemart! The right lady at the reception counter
will enter you in the Pokemon Lottery! No, you don't get to pick five
"lucky" numbers that really aren't any more special than regular ones;
instead it goes by your Pokemon's ID Numbers. The more you've traded,
the better the chances of you winning! The prizes increase in value the
more digits you equal correctly, but a perfect match gets you a MASTER
BALL. This Pokeball will capture any Pokemon at any HP at any time, no
matter what (or your money back). Check out each floor of this place.
The fourth story has a bunch of TMs to sell.

 ------------------------------------------------------------
| LILYCOVE MART (4F) |          WHAT IT DOES          | COST |
 ------------------------------------------------------------
|TM17 (Protect)      |Prevents Pokemon from being hurt| 3000 |
|TM20 (Safegaurd)    |Prevents Pokemon from stat cond.| 3000 |
|TM33 (Reflect)      | Sharply raises team's Defense  | 3000 |
|TM16 (Light Screen) | Sharply raises team's Sp. Def. | 3000 |
|TM38 (Fire Blast)   |  Best Fire attack in the game  | 5500 |
|TM25 (Thunder)      |Best Electric attack in the game| 5500 |
|TM14 (Blizzard)     |  Best Ice attack in the game   | 5500 |
|TM15 (Hyper Beam)   |Best Normal attack in the game, | 7500 |
|                    |but you waste a turn to recharge|      |
 ------------------------------------------------------------

On the fifth floor is the superstore for decorating your Secret Base,
so go ahead and spend your money on tacky crap. Vending machines are on
the roof (they sell items much like Potions), and a girl who'll teach
a Pokemon Substitute. This allows your dude to create a fake version of
itself (at the cost of some HP) who will absorb the damage given to it.
However, the substitute will break after a while, and it looks like it's
constipated, so don't bother with it.

Exit the Mart and go west to the Lilycove Art Museum. I hate these dumb
things; it always seems like the paintings and stuff on display are crap
I made when I was screwing around in elementary school Art class! Look
around here if you want, then talk to the man blocking the stairs. Agree
with whatever he says and he'll invite you to the top floor. He wants
lively art to fill this particular gallery, and he's relying on you to
find it. Since when were we art experts?! The way to do this is to win
the Master Rank of each category in those retarded Pokemon Contests, and
an artist will paint your dudes. Once you get all five portraits, the
curator will thank you and award you with a GLASS ORNAMENT. This is just
a decoration for your Secret Base, so it really ain't worth it (but if
you feel your life is hollow enough to complete this mission, go right
ahead!).

That's really all that we can accomplish in Lilycove for now (I really
don't care for these artsy cities), so why don't we backtrack and return
east to places we missed on Route 121?


SAFARI ZONE
-----------

Return to that building you passed before the fence maze and enter it.
Travel to the end of this hallway (it didn't look like this place was
this big from the outside) and you'll be stopped by a jerk who wants you
to pay $500. Can you say rip-off? He will give you 30 SAFARI BALLS and
you'll officially enter the Safari Zone. The whole point of this place
is to catch wild Pokemon, most of which cannot be found anywhere else.
The catch is that you can only use Safari Balls and you cannot attack
with your Pokemon. What kind of crap is that? Luckily, Safari Balls are
pretty good, and there are other ways to capture these things. One
option is to itch closer, making it easier to snag (however, the Poke-
mon might run away if you do). You may also feed it with Pokeblocks (if
you decided to make some), making it less eager to flee the battle.
Also, you only have 500 steps in this place until your time is up, but
you can cheat by standing on one spot in the wild grass and just turning
every which way. Wild dudes still pop up and it doesn't count against
you. Let us see what kind of Pokemon we can find here.

 ---------------------------------
|  SAFARI ZONE (SOUTH)  | % RATES |
 ---------------------------------
|Doduo                  |   10%   |
|Girafarig              |   15%   |
|Gloom                  |    5%   |
|Natu                   |   15%   |
|Oddish                 |   40%   |
|Pikachu                |    5%   |
|Wobbuffet              |   10%   |
 ---------------------------------
|        SURFING        | % RATES |
 ---------------------------------
|Psyduck                |  100%   |
 -----------------------------------------------------
|        FISHING        |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 -----------------------------------------------------
|Goldeen                |   25%   |   35%   |   70%   |
|Magikarp               |   75%   |   65%   |    -    |
|Seaking                |    -    |    -    |   30%   |
 -----------------------------------------------------

Natu has a combination of Psychic/Flying, so you can scratch these two
types off your "must have" list all in one Pokemon. It sucks in its
current form, but it will evolve not too far in the future (Lv25), where
it gains nice Special Attack. You'll have to teach it TMs for it to be
any good, but I know you have them (Psychic and Aerial Ace are excellent
choices). Speaking of birdies, Doduo is a decent Flying type with high 
Speed and Attack. It will already have Tri Attack, a cool Normal move 
that might Paralyze, Burn, or Freeze your opponent, plus Drill Peck, 
pretty much the best Flying move in the game later at Lv37. It doesn't 
get much better when it evolves into Dodrio, but it's mentionable be-
cause it can learn Fly (even though it has no wings). Even people who 
have never played Pokemon before are familiar with the Electric Pokemon, 
Pikachu. However, the only real positives of the Pokemon posterchild are 
its Speed and the Normal move Slam at Lv20. Otherwise, you can find TMs 
of basically the rest of its attacks, and Electric dudes like Magneton 
and Electrode are better anyway. However, pick one up for its unbearably 
cute baby, Pichu (if you ever played Super Smash Bros. Melee, you know 
what I'm talking about). Now on to Girafarig. This palindromic guy is a 
Psychic/Normal combo, making it good against Ghost types. Its stats 
aren't what you're looking for in a Psychic type, but the moves are 
pretty sweet (including the best Dark attack, Crunch, at Lv49). If you
take the time to Surf, you'll find yourself a Psyduck. It's not Psychic
type (as its name would imply), but it does have Confusion if you choose
to catch it. At Lv33, you'll have yourself a Golduck with very middle of
the road stats. You should already have a Water type (well, you are
Surfing, aren't you?), and this crazy duck isn't really good enough that
you should replace your dude for.

Notice those weird post office box things in the middle of the grass.
If you place a Pokeblock in there, you have a better chance of finding
a Pokemon whose nature corresponds with the flavor (not worth it unless
you're looking for a specific nature for a Contest). Now you have two
choices: north or west? Well, it all depends on what bike you have with
you. If you've got the Mach Bike in your possession, take the path left
of the grass. Continue west until you find some Surfable water. Travel
across it for a MAX REVIVE, then return to the main road and travel
north. Ahead you'll see one of those slopes that you need your Mach Bike
to traverse, so do that to land in a different section of the Safari
Zone.

 ------------------------------
|  SAFARI ZONE (NW)  | % RATES |
 ------------------------------
|Dodrio              |    5%   |
|Doduo               |   20%   |
|Gloom               |   15%   |
|Oddish              |   25%   |
|Pinsir              |    5%   |
|Rhyhorn             |   30%   |
 ------------------------------
|       SURFING      | % RATES |
 ------------------------------
|Golduck             |   10%   |
|Psyduck             |   90%   |
 --------------------------------------------------
|       FISHING      |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 --------------------------------------------------
|Goldeen             |   25%   |   35%   |   70%   |
|Magikarp            |   75%   |   65%   |    -    |
|Seaking             |    -    |    -    |   30%   |
 --------------------------------------------------

Rock/Ground Rhyhorn is the self-proclaimed king of offense and defense.
Unfortunately, silly Rhyhorn forgot to include Special in that equation.
It's too bad because it learns some pretty powerful moves, but the weak-
ness against so many types (especially the double super effective prob-
lem against Water, Ice, and Grass) makes it practically useless. Bug
type Pinsir matches Rhyhorn in stats (only it has better Speed), but
that means its Special Attack/Defense is hardly visible. Also like Rhy-
horn, some pretty cool moves comes its way, but who needs a pure Bug
Pokemon in their party (dumb people, that's who).

Continue north from the slopey thinger, then turn right and descend the
stairs. Go immediately upward from there and repeat the same step as
before. Keep east and you'll spot another lake in the middle of nowhere.
Surf across it to find TM22! Solarbeam is the best Grass move possible
as it shoots a ray of synthesized sunlight at your foe. However, it
takes two turns to get off, unless the weather is ultra-sunny (so it
goes great with a side of Sunny Day).

If you have the Acro Bike, travel north from the first wild grass in the
park. Continue on that path until you can climb stairs to a weird boardy
jumpy thing. Get on your Acro Bike and use your mad horizontal jumping
skizzles (pressing B and up at the same time) to get across this ob-
stacle. Now go north and west to find some wild grass.

 ------------------------------
|  SAFARI ZONE (NE)  | % RATES |
 ------------------------------
|Gloom               |   10%   |
|Heracross           |    5%   |
|Natu                |   30%   |
|Oddish              |   30%   |
|Phanpy              |   15%   |
|Xatu                |   10%   |
 ------------------------------

Phanpy is a weak Ground Pokemon with no good moves and crappy stats...
that is, until it evolves. At Lv25, it becomes a huge powerful Ground
Pokemon with cool moves and incredible stats. See, everyone can make a
turn-around. Its Special Defense is a little on the low side, but it can
make up with it by using a barrage of vigorous attacks. Ground is a
little useless in this game, but I'll make an exception for Donphan.
Heracross has a combo of Bug/Fighting, which takes away from Bug's
biggest advantage (strong against Psychic). However, it's still a sweet
dude with outstanding Attack and moves like Brick Break and Megahorn.
Stay away from Flying Pokemon with it though.

Continue north and exit this elevated area. If you go straight up, a
CALCIUM is waiting for you through the grass. The desert area east of
there only holds Geodudes in the smashable rocks, so there's nothing
else that's interesting in this section. As you can tell, you cannot
explore the whole Safari Zone in one trip, so Fly back to Mauville and
switch bikes if you care to check out the other side.


MT. PYRE
--------

Let's go back to actually battling crap. Go west from the Safari Zone
entrance to a Cut tree. Get rid of it, and travel south down some stairs
to a huge lake (it's so huge, it gets its own Route number!).

 ------------------------------
|  ROUTE 122 (SURF)  | % RATES |
 ------------------------------
|Pelipper            |    5%   |
|Tentacool           |   65%   |
|Wingull             |   30%   |
 --------------------------------------------------
|       FISHING      |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 --------------------------------------------------
|Magikarp            |   75%   |   60%   |    -    |
|Sharpedo            |    -    |    -    |   30%   |
|Tentacool           |   25%   |   20%   |    -    |
|Wailmer             |    -    |   20%   |   70%   |
 --------------------------------------------------

Wailmer, like most Pokemon in this game, is really not a good choice
until it evolves. What sucks is that evolution doesn't rear its head on
this thing until Lv40, and it's a sub-par dude until then. The good news
is that you can catch a Wailord at the same level later in the game, but
its pretty rare, and still not worth it. Nice Special Attack though.

Surf on this body of water until you crash into a giant blob of land.
Ouch. Well, go around it and find the entrance to this thing on the
southern side. Welcome to the creepy-ass Hoenn cemetery!

 ------------------------------
|  MT. PYRE (1F-3F)  | % RATES |
 ------------------------------
|Shuppet             |  100%   |
 ------------------------------
|  MT. PYRE (4F-6F)  | % RATES |
 ------------------------------
|Duskull             |   20%   |
|Shuppet             |   80%   |
 ------------------------------

Duskull and Shuppet are both Ghosts that are very similar, only Duskull
is slower and relies on Defense. It evolves into Dusclops at Lv37, and
its Speed and HP remain in the bottom 20% of all the Pokemon. If you
really want a Ghost, Shuppet is much better, but neither are good enough
to make your party's cut (as if your party was a golf tournament).

Walk up and ignore the hallway going left for now. Instead climb the
stairway to the second story. Get by the mess of crappy trainers that
don't even deserve to be on the bottom of your shoe, and reach the
stairs to the next floor. Just keep climbing this tower and avoid those
holes in the ground that you'll see (damn contractors). On the sixth and 
final floor, pick up TM30 on the lower half. This is Shadow Ball, a cool
Ghost move that most Pokemon can use. That should cover that entire type
for you. Now fall down the hole directly left of it. In this section of
the fifth floor, take the LAX INCENSE (a hold item that lowers your opp-
onent's accuracy), and step on the lower hole here. Go left for the SEA
INCENSE. Not only will this boost Water type moves when held, it also
allows to Marill to breed an Azurill (not a good Pokemon, but a Pokedex
filler). Drop down the hole here, then the next one to arrive back to
the second floor. Go down the stairs here and take that hallway that
we skipped before to the outside.

 ----------------------------------
|  MT. PYRE (MNT. WALL)  | % RATES |
 ----------------------------------
|Shuppet                 |   50%   |
|Vulpix                  |   20%   |
|Wingull                 |   30%   |
 ----------------------------------
|    MT. PYRE (SUMMIT)   | % RATES |
 ----------------------------------
|Chimecho                |    5%   |
|Duskull                 |   20%   |
|Shuppet                 |   75%   |
 ----------------------------------

In a world scarce of Fire type Pokemon, Vulpix is a nice addition. It
learns Flamethrower at Lv29, and it has the Speed and Special Attack to
make use of it. Give it that Fire Stone you found earlier in the game to
get a Ninetales, a dude I like even better than Blaziken or Camerupt
(mainly because it doesn't have a type combo to decrease its Fire
power)! Chimecho is a Psychic dude with no evolution and okay stats. It
gains moves that only it can learn (like Heal Beal, a Recover move, at
Lv38), but it's not worth spending your time searching for it just for
that. Alakazam and Gardevoir are still the best way to go for a Psychic.

On the mountain wall, zigzag around here and take the detour down the
stairs for TM48! This is Skill Swap, a move that will switch your Poke-
mon's ability with its opponent. It works really only if your foe has a
good advantage you can use with it, otherwise it may bite you in the
you-know-what (aka: ass). Keep going on the swirly path until it gets
all foggy and stuff. Take the MAX POTION in front of you towards the
end, and continue on the path to enter the summit. Straight ahead, you
will face four Team Aqua idiots (two of them in a double battle), then
a scene will occur. You'll receive the MAGMA EMBLEM and a long-ass story
if you speak to the old man. That was certainly riveting. Now make your
way back down to the cemetery, then exit out to Route 122 again. Surf
south to dry land and a new route (well, kinda).


ROUTE 123
---------

Smart and observant people know where this road leads to. But if you
ARE one of those people, why the hell are you wasting your time playing 
Pokemon?! Go cure diseases or something like that! Anyway, travel south-
west from your current position to a trio of handy berry trees (RAWST, 
SITRUS, and PECHA). Speak to the girl next to that and, if you have a
Grass Pokemon in your party, she'll give you TM19! This here is Giga
Drain, a good Grass move that sucks a bit of HP from your opponent and
gives it to you. Who needs Hyper Potions when you have this thing? Now 
go west to wild grass.

 -----------------------
|  ROUTE 123  | % RATES |
 -----------------------
|Gloom        |    8%   |
|Kecleon      |    4%   |
|Mightyena    |   20%   |
|Oddish       |   12%   |
|Poochyena    |   28%   |
|Shuppet      |   16%   |
|Wingull      |   12%   |
 -----------------------

The same exact things as Route 121 (how creative). Pass through the 
grass and Cut the bush above you. Go north and west here for some LEPPA
BERRIES, then hop over the ledge left of you to grab an ELIXIR just
sitting there on the ground. Wipe that off before you give it to your
Pokemon (you don't know where that's been). Hop over the ledge south,
and go west through the grass to battle Cooltrainer Wendy (she doesn't
look cool to me...and I know cool). Continue up and left through the
grass and jump the ledge below you (and only that ledge). Veer right to
face Cooltrainer Braxton who likes your shiny badges (but how can you
be cool with a name like Braxton?!). From him, hop the next two ledges
going west, and pass the little pond here for a CALCIUM. Now go left
once more and you'll arrive at the Berry Master's House. How about that.
By the way, the Berry Master's wife will give you special berries that
will REALLY max out your Pokemon's condition if you make it a Pokeblock.
Most of these won't work until you beat the game, but I'll give it here
(and in the FAQ section) just so you know.

SPELON BERRY: Increases mainly Cool; tell her "GREAT BATTLE".
PAMTRE BERRY: Increases mainly Beauty; tell her "CHALLENGE CONTEST".
WATMEL BERRY: Increases mainly Smart; tell her "OVERWHELMING LATIAS".
DURIN BERRY: Increases mainly Cute; tell her "COOL LATIOS".
BELUE BERRY: Increases mainly Tough; tell her "SUPER HUSTLE".

You can only get one of these special berries in your entire game, so
choose wisely. For those of you who don't give a crap about contests
(*raises hand*), I suggest you get the Pamtre Berry, because it's prac-
tically the only thing that will max out Feebas' Beauty to evolve it
into a Milotic. If you don't give a crap about completing your Pokedex,
well, just don't give a crap about anything why don't ya?!


BEFORE THE HIDEOUTS
-------------------

Well, I think we've put it off long enough, but it's time I said those
dreadful words: Fly to Slateport and enter the Trick Master's House.
Uncover his hiding place in the leftmost tree and enter the hole in the
wall. This one involves answering questions in order to get by to the
scroll and the door (if you played the old old school Pokemon games, it
is very similar to Blaine's Gym). Since some of these questions can be
pretty hard (or stupid), I'll just give you the answers (you cheating
piece of crap).

Q: What Pokemon is not of the Water type? A: AZURILL
Q: What Pokemon does not use Leech Life? A: DUSTOX
Q: What Pokemon is not found on Route 110? A: TAILLOW

Now continue up to our next creepy bald robot.

Q: What Pokemon did Team Aqua use in Petalburg Forest? A: POOCHYENA
Q: What Pokemon did Wally borrow from your father? A: ZIGZAGOON
Q: What Pokemon was chasing Prof. Birch? A: ZIGZAGOON

How does he know this stuff? I swear, the Trick Master is a grade-A
stalker. Next, go right and down to #3.

Q: Sell a Great Ball and buy a Potion; how much money remains? A: NONE
Q: Does a Repel and Soda Pop cost more than one Super Potion? A: LESS
Q: Which costs more? Three Harbor Mails or one Burn Heal? A: BURN HEAL

Hehe, they talk like Yoda! Go south to the next one.

Q: In the Trainer's School, how many girl students were there? A: 1
Q: In Lavaridge Town, were there more old men or old women? A: OLD MEN
Q: In Seashore House, were there more men or women? A: MEN

Okay, now it's getting a little ridiculous, don't you think? Click on
the scroll there and go straight north for the final question.

Q: On the Cycling Road, how many Triathletes were there? A: 8
Q: In Slateport's Pokemon Fan Club, how many Pokemon were there? A: 3
Q: In Fortree City, how many tree houses were there? A: 6

Once that's finally over, click on the door (a genius my ass) and talk
to the jerk to get TM12! This forces your opponent to use an attacking
move against you, and I don't know about you, but I prefer my foe to NOT
use an attacking move. Seems a little silly to me. Now find your way out
of here once again back to Route 110. Fly over to Mauville and get your
Acro Bike (if you didn't have it beforehand). After that, spread your
wings and Fly once again to Lavaridge Town. Why here of all places?
Well, Mr. Antsypants, you'll find out soon enough! Go east to the ent-
rance of Jagged Pass, and hop up it with your Acro Bike. Midway through,
the game will shake and a cave will appear out of nowhere. Well, if that
ever happened to me, I would piss my pants and run, but since we can't
technically die in this game, how about we explore it?


TEAM MAGMA HIDEOUT
------------------

 ---------------------------
|  MAGMA HIDEOUT  | % RATES |
 ---------------------------
|Geodude          |   45%   |
|Graveler         |   15%   |
|Torkoal          |   40%   |
 ---------------------------

Graveler is just Geodude's evolution, so don't get excited. Walk north
in this mysterious place (although the heading to this section in my
guide and that little thing in the upper-left hand corner of your screen 
that tells you where you are kind of gave away exactly what this place 
is), and you'll see three moveable boulders. Just push the bottom and 
western ones all the way to the left and continue on. Take the next left 
available, then go south to a Magma Grunt. After he's toast, continue 
down to another room. From the door, veer right, then down the stairs to 
another Grunt. Zigzag your way down in this room until you find an open-
ing going north before the end. Enter it and go straight up the stairs
to battle two Magma Grunts for a FULL RESTORE. Get back onto the lower
reddish area (that's such bad carpeting) and go east till you see an-
other set of stairs. Take on two more Magma idiots and grab the MAX 
ELIXIR, then exit this platform, and travel east once more to the final 
staircase (which leads to a door). Here in the upper area of the first 
room, just follow the narrow path to a RARE CANDY. Mazel tov! Now you 
must backtrack all the way to the large room with the zigzags. Once 
there, go straight down through the door.

Go west to a poor tortured Magma Grunt, then descend the stairs and
turn right to a "door" above you. Turn to the left side of this small
room and grab the PP MAX! This wonderful item is worth about three PP
Ups, so use it on a good move. Now exit and go south down even more
stairs (man, this place would really suck if we were crippled in a
wheelchair!). Turn the corner at the end and continue up for a NUGGET.
Next, walk through the door below you. In this new room, go southwest
to yet another Magma Grunt (is it me, or are these people not all that
loyal or what?). Go north now to a double Magma battle, then continue on
the laid-out path (picking up a MAX REVIVE behind that freaky torture
device in the process). Keep going on this road until you meet up with
Maxie and a huge-ass red thing in the lava. Save, and click on him to
trigger both a scene and a battle.

 -------------------------------------------
| MAXIE'S POKEMON | LV |     DIFFICULTY     |
 -------------------------------------------
|Mightyena        | 37 |  Tricky but simple |
|Crobat           | 38 |    Fast but easy   |
|Camerupt         | 39 |  Strong but basic  |
 -------------------------------------------

While he has technically the same Pokemon as before, they are more
powerful and have different attacks. Mightyena likes Swagger, that thing
that increases your Attack but Confuses you, but you can just use a Full
Heal or Persim Berry to get out of that. Look out for Take Down though,
a move that's Tackle x3. While Crobat is a crapload better than its pre-
evolution that he dared battled you with on Mt. Chimney, it's still
nothing to worry about. It might have the Speed advantage over you, but
a good Electric, Ice, or Psychic attack will kill it in a jiffy. Camer-
upt has upgraded to Earthquake, which as you should know, is one hell of
a Ground attack. It also has Take Down, Flamethrower, and Rock Slide, so
it has many ways of beating you up. But, unless your a complete idiot
(which is possible since you're relying on me for help), you should have
it drilled in your head that this Pokemon is Double Super Effective
against the Water type. Give it a good Surf and the battle is over!

When that's all over and done, go through the door that's now cleared
and turn left here for an ESCAPE ROPE. Quite conveniently placed, if I
do say so myself. Now use it to get the hell out of here.


TEAM AQUA HIDEOUT
-----------------

Now to deal with those other jerks. Fly over to Slateport and talk to 
Capt. Stern in the mass crowd outside the Harbor. After Team Aqua gets
away and all that, follow Archie's advice and Fly to Lilycove. In order
to get to their Hideout, you must get on the platform with the giant
Pokemart and go right until you can jump down over two ledges. Veer
right down the stairs until you're on the beachy area (use the Itemfind-
er here; there's some pretty neat hidden crap). Now walk to the top of
this watery place and Surf a bit east. You'll find an odd rock with an
entrance, so go ahead and entrance it.

Surf upward until the dry floor, where you should stick right and up
through the opening. Those white circles in here are warp panels that
will take you to another part of the hideout. Step on the right one for
a MAX ELIXIR, then go back and use the left warp thingy. Walk right till
you may go down and travel on the bottom part of this hallway. Step on
the warp panel and now we have a puzzle. First, hit the leftmost one,
then the center, then left, then left again on the southern three. You
will land in a room with four item balls! The right two are just Elect-
rodes in disguise, but the things on the left are a NUGGET and a MASTER
BALL! This is a super secret Pokeball that will catch everything with a
100% success rate. However, this is the only one you'll get (unless you
win the Lilycove Lottery, which is doubtful), so use it wisely. Now go
back to the puzzle warp room and step on the center tile, then the left
one to get back to the top, where you should use the upper one to go
back to the previous room.

Traverse eastward to the center of this room, past the three Aqua
Grunts, to another warp point. Go through the door and find the warp
panel on the east side of this area. Use the door/stairway here to find
yet another room, where you should go right and up to another door. Beat
the Aqua double battle and walk right past them to the warp point we've
been looking for. Go ahead and battle Aqua Admin Matt and Team Aqua will
get away (hehehe?). Go and step on the bottom warp panel and walk
through the door to arrive back in the first room. Make sure you have
that Master Ball before you exit this annoying place.


ROUTE 124
---------

Now's finally the time to progress with our adventure! However, your
beef with the two ultra-hippie groups is far from over (goshdarnit). Go
heal up, and return to the area east of Lilycove. The Wailmer are out
of our way, so let's Surf east onto the great Hoenn sea.

 ------------------------------
|  ROUTE 124 (SURF)  | % RATES |
 ------------------------------
|Pelipper            |    5%   |
|Tentacool           |   65%   |
|Wingull             |   30%   |
 --------------------------------------------------
|       FISHING      |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 --------------------------------------------------
|Magikarp            |   75%   |   60%   |    -    |
|Sharpedo            |    -    |    -    |   30%   |
|Tentacool           |   25%   |   20%   |    -    |
|Wailmer             |    -    |   20%   |   70%   |
 --------------------------------------------------

There are a ton of Swimmers out here ready to take you on (I still don't
understand how you can have a Pokemon battle in the water), but essent-
ially, you just want to keep going east on this ocean. Eventually, you
probably have to go a little south where you might see a house in the
middle of nowhere. The guy in there wants shards of things, which we
cannot obtain quite yet, but be patient, my grasshopper. Continue east
from the house and you'll dock in Mossdeep City.


MOSSDEEP CITY
-------------

The first guy you may see here is some psycho pacing in the shallow
water. He will offer to teach one of your dudes Dynamicpunch, a Fighting
attack that will Confuse your opponent. However, it only has a 50%
chance of landing, so I wouldn't use it (unless you're patient and won't
throw your Game Boy at the wall...unlike me). Under the Pokemart is a
building that allows you to play "fun" mini-games if you have friends 
and a Wireless Adapter (and usually people only have one or the other).
Check it out if you're interested. If you see a person aimlessly walking
around northwest of the Pokemon Center, he'll offer to give you a KING'S
ROCK. When held by one of your guys, the chances of getting a Critical
Hit increases by a tad. Sure it looks sharp and will probably give you
Lockjaw, but it's worth it.

Now explore the east side of town (represent, dawg). Near some stairs
you'll catch up with your old pal Scott. Ascend to the upper area and
go all the way north and west to a Fisherman's house. If you like fish-
ing (or at least pretend to), he'll award you with the SUPER ROD! Now
you can fish up every Pokemon that lives in the sea (and maybe even a
beautiful mermaid, if you're lucky). The Hoenn Space Station is located
on the far east side of Mossdeep, but enter the house south of it. Click
on the Wingull that you previously met in Fortree. If you follow it back
by Flying there, the bird's owner will give you a MENTAL HERB. When held
it will prevent the Attract status (add stupid relationship joke here).
Enter the Space Station in the northeast corner of Mossdeep. Speak to
everyone in here (including that Steven guy) to find out what's about to 
take place. One guy will even give you a SUN STONE! This is used to 
evolve certain Pokemon (most notably Gloom). 

Well, it's been a while since the last time we did this, but heal and
enter the Pokemon Gym here. This one is probably the most "itchy with a
B" when it comes to the pre-Leader puzzle (if you catch my drift). First
let me explain the different intricacies of this place. Those bluish
circles on the floor are yet again warp panels you must deal with. That
yellowish square in this room moves the statues and trainers on top of
the arrow thingies on the ground. Here, you'll see three warp circles;
you'll want to take the one on the far left. In a new room, go right,
ignore the fact you moved the crap around you, and walk south into a
hallway that leads to another yellow square. Step on it twice to make a
path in the room on your left, then return to the main area of this sec-
tion and use the northern-most warp point. Just go left to the next
warp, then step on the blue square thrice (I love that word) to clear a
short path northwest. Find the red square and use it thrice as well. Now
walk to the right hallway of this room straight to a warp thingamabob.
Get through this small area that you've already cleared to the Gym Lead-
ers. Wait...LeaderS? Save and heal and get set for a double Gym battle.

 ---------------------------------------------------
| TATE & LIZA'S POKEMON | LV |      DIFFICULTY      |
 ---------------------------------------------------
|Claydol                | 41 |Good combo with others|
|Xatu                   | 41 | Play off Flying type |
|Lunatone               | 42 |Rock weak against many|
|Solrock                | 42 |Rock weak against many|
 ---------------------------------------------------

The Psychic Twins start things off with a little Claydol and Xatu. All
of their dudes are Psychic, but they all have another type that you can
feed off of. Use Surf or a stronger Water attack against half-Ground 
Claydol, but its high Special Defense might make it hang around for
quite a while (or at least longer than you want it to). Flyer Xatu can
be food for your Electric type, but thus the folly of the double battle:
Claydol will use Earthquake on the other side, which is clever because
it can't affect its partner (nor the other two as well). Also, as with
any Psychic type, look out for the powerful move Psychic (as if you
couldn't see it coming). The two Rock/Psychics, Lunatone and Solrock,
come to bat next, but I don't think they're anything to worry about.
Water once again works well, but Solrock has the best Grass attack in
the game (Solarbeam) along with an additional move that makes it faster
and more powerful (Sunny Day). Dark can be a good type to use in this 
Gym, but I believe the very best element to use here is the mighty Ice. 
All of them are weak against it, so if you have an Ice attack, or a dude
you taught an Ice TM to (most Water Pokemon are eligible), try using
that mofo against these identical freaks. Once the victory is yours, the
MIND BADGE and TM07 will also be in your possession. This is Calm Mind,
a move that will just raise Special Attack and Special Defense. Oh boy.
Now take the other warp point back to the first room.


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                  |                   |
|                    Chapter Nine:                 |                   |
|                   THE RAIN BADGE                 |  clean underwear  |
|                                                  |                   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


MOSSDEEP SPACE STATION
----------------------

There's only one badge left to go! Are you pumped? Are you ready to beat
this thing? Well, too bad! There's a whole mess of trivial crap you must
accomplish before the next Gym is open to you. Hey, don't blame me;
blame those greedy Japanese jerks at Nintendo that force you to do all 
this stuff! Unfortunately, they all live in mansions with a whole bunch
of money, so chances are they don't give a rat's ass what you think. So,
go ahead and blame it on me; it's easier and I'm used to it by now.
*sucks thumb*

Immediately heal up and make your way back to the Space Station. How
about we crush those jerks in the red hoods once and for all! Go inside
and you'll find a scene similar to that of the Weather Institute (how
creative). Get past the easy Grunts on the first floor and climb the
stairs. Take on all three of the cheap-os that corner you, then save
your game and continue to the bottom half of this room. Talk to the
crowd here and you'll be launched into a double battle...only this time,
you've got some help on your side. Pick three of your Pokemon to fight
(Fighting, Water, and Psychic recommended) and prepare yourself for the
final Magma battle of the century.

 ----------------------------------------------
| TEAM MAGMA'S POKEMON | LV |   WEAK AGAINST   |
 ----------------------------------------------
|Mightyena             | 42 |   Fighting/Bug   |
|Camerupt              | 36 |   WATER/Ground   |
|Crobat                | 43 | Psychic/Electric |
|Mightyena             | 38 |   Fighting/Bug   |
|Camerupt              | 44 |   WATER/Ground   |
|Golbat                | 40 | Psychic/Electric |
 ----------------------------------------------
|   STEVEN'S POKEMON   | LV |   WEAK AGAINST   |
 ----------------------------------------------
|Metang                | 42 |   Fire/Ground    |
|Skarmory              | 43 |  Fire/Electric   |
|Aggron                | 44 | FIGHTING/GROUND  |
 ----------------------------------------------

Alright, it's you and Steven versus Magma Leader Maxie and Admin Tab-
itha. Basically, here's what's happenin'. Steven's Steel Pokemon are
sort of at a disadvantage here because of their weakness to Fire and
Ground. Fortunately, Team Magma (or at least the computer AI) is too
stupid to pick this up, so chances are Metang won't faint as long as you
aren't sucking up the place. The good thing about having a partner like
Steven is that he takes care of things on the defensive side with moves
like Light Screen and Reflect (which protects both of you), so you can
just come out punching. Other than that, it's really a normal double
battle. I would suggest you take care of Maxie's Pokemon first since
they are the higher leveled ones (Tabitha will be helpless without her
"all powerful" boss). After Team Magma leaves and all that crap, exit
the Space Station and go to Steven's house (the one northwest of the
Pokemon Center). He'll thank you with HM08! This here is Dive, a move
that allows you to go underwater! It would be cooler if he gave us a
yellow submarine instead.


SHOAL CAVE
----------

We'll screw around with Dive later, but first why don't you explore the
small area north of Mossdeep. Past all the stupid trainers and crap is
an opening to a cave, so put all your pansyish fears aside and enter it.

 ------------------------
|  SHOAL CAVE  | % RATES |
 ------------------------
|Golbat        |   10%   |
|Spheal        |   50%   |
|Zubat         |   40%   |
 ------------------------
|   SURFING    | % RATES |
 ------------------------
|Spheal        |   20%   |
|Tentacool     |   30%   |
|Zubat         |   50%   |
 ------------------------
|   ICE ZONE   | % RATES |
 ------------------------
|Golbat        |   10%   |
|Snorunt       |   20%   |
|Spheal        |   40%   |
|Zubat         |   30%   |
 ------------------------

Spheal is a Water/Ice dude, and even though these two types are chem-
ically the same, this is a very good combo to have. As you should know,
many types can't handle the power of Water, and while not as effective,
Ice does have its strengths against weird types that hardly have any
other weaknesses (like Dragon or Flying or both). This guy is rather
slow, but what do you expect with a big fat walrus?! However, its Speed
gets about up to par once fully evolved, plus the rest of the stats (es-
pecially HP and Special Attack) make up for it anyway. Snorunt is the
first pure Ice Pokemon ever invented, but as it turns out, pure Ice is
sort of useless. Attacks like Headbutt, Ice Beam, and Crunch are tempt-
ing, but go with an Ice type that has something else backing it up (like
Spheal does).

Go a tad right and up to speak to an old dude. He says he'll make you
something if you give him Shoal Salt and Shoal Shells deep within the
cave. Now, the interesting thing about this place is the changing water
levels that depends on the time of day, also known as tides. You see,
tides are the cyclic rising and falling of Earth's ocean surface caused 
by the tidal forces of the Moon and the Sun acting on the Earth. Tides 
cause changes in the depth of the sea, and also produce oscillating 
currents known as tidal streams. The changing tide produced at a given 
location on the Earth is the result of the changing positions of the 
Moon and Sun relative to the Earth coupled with the effects of rotation 
and the local bathymetry. What exactly does all that mean? Well, all you 
really need to know is that High Tide is between 9:00-3:00, and Low Tide 
occurs between 3:00-9:00 (both AM and PM). You can only retrieve Shoal 
Shells during High Tide and Shoal Salt on Low Tide. Skip ahead to the 
section that pertains to you.

If it's High Tide, Surf northwest to some stairs and enter the "door" in
front of you. Go west and around into the water, where you should Surf
north till you see steps on your right. If you follow them up, you'll
find a weird blue rock thingy. This is actually a SHOAL SHELL, so go
ahead and take it. Get back in the irrigate and swim up to another set
of stairs, this time on the left side. Grab another SHOAL SHELL and Surf
to the east section of this room. Find the platform with the third SHOAL
SHELL in the northeast corner, then swim south now to the landmass with
the final SHOAL SHELL. Walk down through the door and take the BIG PEARL
next to you. That's about it for High Tide part of this cave.

If it's Low Tide, use the stairs below the old dude and go north to an
opening. Ascend some stairs then turn right at the top down some more
stairs and a ladder. In a new room, walk right to a little pile of dirt.
However, if you click on it, you can grab the SHOAL SALT, then turn to
an ICE HEAL if you care. Travel up the many platforms to an upwards
ladder, and then west across the creaky looking bridge. What are those,
logs?! Next, journey south and east to another dangerous bridge, and
finally north to a ladder. Talk to the random guy here for a FOCUS BAND!
This hold item sometimes prevents your Pokemon from fainting, which can
be a HUGE advantage in close battles. Also in this area is some SHOAL
SALT, so take it and continue right to a moveable boulder. Push it all
the way east with Strength, then walk south to another ladder.

Welcome to the Ice Zone (I came up with that myself)! Go south across
some ice here, where you will slide uncontrollably. Get used to that as
you go across another slab of ice to the bottom corner. Now get ready
for an ice puzzle. Stand on the spot left of the ice that's four spaces
north to the southern wall, then slide in these directions: west, north,
straight west as far as possible, south as far as possible, east, and
north to safety. Wasn't that fun?! Just be glad you didn't slip and
break your neck. Now enter the next ice puzzle on the far right side and
go north, west, north, west, south, east, and north up the stairs.
Follow this platform to a NEVERMELTICE (hold item that ups Ice moves),
then return to the solid ground before the last ice puzzle. Stand on the
second spot from the left and slide north, west, north to the top
corner, east, and south. Walk over to the southwest part of this skinny
ground, then go north, east, south, west, north, west, south, west to
that one space, then north, east, and finally south. Here is TM07! Hail
is a lot like Sandstorm only it boosts Ice types and hurts everyone
else. Hop over the ledge and go back up the ladder.

Travel north and get that stupid boulder out of your way, then walk to
the left side of the room out the door. Go south to take SHOAL SALT,
next go north and east as far as humanly possible to the last SHOAL
SALT! Return to the Focus Band guy and hop over the ledge out the door,
then the next one back to the very first room.

Alright, once you have collected four Shoal Shells and Shoal Salts, the
old dude in the beginning of this cave will agree to make you a SHELL
BELL! Mazel tov! This item, once given to a Pokemon, restores its HP
one-eighth of the amount of damage it just dished out. It may not seem
worth it now, but when you engage in battles towards the end of the game
that you aren't allowed to use Potions or any of that crap, this thing
could seriously save your life (if your life hangs in the balance of
Pokemon, to which I pity you).


DEEP SEA EXPLORING
------------------

Return to Mossdeep and set your sails due west. While Surfing on Route
124, you may have noticed dark patches in the water. Well, these are the
areas which you're allowed to Dive and go...UNDER THE SEA! *breaks out
into a huge Disney musical* Find that little island northwest of the
Shard guy's house, then Surf a tad up and left to a dark blue spot. If
you taught somebody HM08, press A over that area and you'll be asked if
you want to Dive. Say "indeed, my good sir" and you'll be splashed
underwater! While here, you can search the seaweed (or at least that's
what I think it is) for Dive-exclusive Pokemon.

 ---------------------------------
|  DIVING (ALL ROUTES)  | % RATES |
 ---------------------------------
|Chinchou               |   60%   |
|Clamperl               |   30%   |
|Relicanth              |   10%   |
 ---------------------------------

Clamperl has shibby Special Attack, but a whole lotta nothing else. It
also doesn't learn any moves naturally until it evolves, and you need to
trade it with a special item for that. Those said evolutions (Huntail
and Gorebyss) are pretty cool (both get a few sweet non-Water moves),
but stick with the Surfer you already have. Chinchou is a Water/Electric
Pokemon, making it only weak against types that begin with a G (Grass
and Ground). Not only does the combo make it strong against other Elect-
ric types, it also has an ability to restore its HP if your opponent
still attempts to shock it. Its stats (save HP and Special Attack) are a
tad on the low side, but I personally still support this guy. Relicanth
is one strange dude. It has the seemingly impossible combination of Rock
and Water, plus gets more physical moves than anything else. Sure it has
high Attack and Defense, but it's too slow and weak against Special att-
acks to make it useful. However, if you do end up finding one, try to
catch it nonetheless (it's important for a future sidequest).

How the hell are you breathing? Anyway, swim right a bit, then all the
way north. Now turn left and keep going (by the way, those dark colored
circles are hidden items, including Heart Scales which are important to
that freak in Fallarbor). At the end, notice how the floor is lighter
than the rest. That means you can resurface here, so press B back to
fresh air. Surf right in this small enclosed area to an item ball. This
is a RED SHARD, so feel free to take it. Now I would suggest Flying back
to Mossdeep and Surfing west again. Stop by the Treasure Hunter's House
and show him the Red Shard. He'll offer to give you a FIRE STONE for it,
which is a sweet deal.

How about we find some more of these shard thingies? Find that Dive spot
you used last time and go a bit north and left to another dark patch.
Dive into it and swim all the way south and west, then surface at the
end. Surf right to a BLUE SHARD, which you can go back to the Treasure
Hunter and trade it in for a WATER STONE! If you have a Lombre, this
strange blue rock is perfect for you. Return to that island northwest of
the house and Surf north into a little enclave. Enter the Dive spot here
and go left, up, and right to surface. Swim left for a YELLOW SHARD! You
should probably figure this out by now, but you may exchange this for a
good old THUNDERSTONE. Just one more to go! From the island again, stand
on the extreme left side and start Surfing south from there. Keep going
until you find a spot where a Swimmer trainer is screwing around to the
right of it. Dive and go south to surface, then travel southwest to yet
another Dive spot. Swim left to resurface again and, when it's all said
and done, you'll be in an enclosed area with a GREEN SHARD. Go back once
again to the Hunter dude for a sweet LEAF STONE.

Let's go on (finally). Return to that island once again, only this time
continue south from it onto Route 126. Along with more crappy Swimmers,
there is a huge-ass white rock here with a ring of Dive patches circling
it. I would suggest finding the far southern part of it until you Dive,
so that you won't be too far away from a strange opening in the wall
above you. Go through it and surface in the area here and you'll act-
ually arrive in a water-locked city!


SOOTOPOLIS CITY
---------------

Surf straight ahead and you'll find the Sootopolis Gym. Too bad its
closed for renovations (I told you that you must do a ton of pointless
crap before you can face the final Leader). Swim over to the right side
of town where the Pokemon Center is located. Within it is a chick who'll 
teach somebody Double Edge. This Normal attack sure is powerful, but it 
will damage itself 1/3 of the total attack. Use it if you're suicidal 
enough.

Go north and right from there to a lady who's lonely enough to give you 
a WAILMER DOLL. La-de-freaking-da. Left next door are two quarrelling 
rivals who disagree about who's better: Lotad or Seedot? While in all 
honesty, both of them suck, but you can humor them by showing the Poke-
mon of their choice. If it's "big" enough (although in the Pokedex it 
says they are all the same size), these psychos will reward you with 
either an ETHER or ELIXIR.

Now go over to the west side of town (where the Jets and the Sharks go
at it). In the bottom "forest" section resides a little girl who's just
a little too proud of her stupid Japanese name. Listen to her ramble to
get, not one, but two random berries! Oh, the humanity! Go upwards to
the Pokemart, which at this point sells the best items around (the Wal-
mart of the Pokemon world). Go to the road right of the Mart and ascend
five whole thingies of stairs (if you can count that high), then turn
left to a house. If you followed correctly, you'll meet a karate master
(yeah, like the twentieth one in Hoenn) that will give you TM31! This is
Brick Break, in my opinion, the best Fighting attack in the game. Not
only is it powerful and accurate, it will also clear the Reflect or
Light Screen that your opponent sets up. I wouldn't say it's "scary", 
but could make your foe cry like a stupid four-year-old, especially if 
your foe IS a stupid four-year-old.

Since the rest of the town is closed to you, there's no use standing
around where you're not welcome. Let's Fly to Mossdeep and start Surfing
south onto Route 127. Explore here if you want (there's really nothing
exciting except for a RARE CANDY placed behind two trainers). Eventually
you should find a long Dive patch extending across the entire route. Go
south along it (keeping left where possible) until you reach the end
just below a circle-shaped "island" near Triathlete Isaiah. Dive right 
here and you'll land in front of another opening, only this one leads to 
a familiar-looking submarine. Surface to began another dungeon.


SEAFLOOR CAVERN
---------------

 -----------------------------
|  SEAFLOOR CAVERN  | % RATES |
 -----------------------------
|Zubat              |  100%   |
 -----------------------------
|      SURFING      | % RATES |
 -----------------------------
|Golbat             |   10%   |
|Tentacool          |   55%   |
|Zubat              |   35%   |
 -----------------------------

Get out of the water and find the opening. Walk straight up the left
side and smash that rock above the round boulder. Now use Strength and
push that boulder where the crumbly rock was, then go right and move the
next one out of the way. North you'll meet an Aqua Grunt and a door
("Hello, Mr. Door!"). In the next room, use Rock Smash on your left,
then go up and to the left and shove the Strength boulder north to the
wall. Next, turn right to Rock Smash and Strength your way to the upper-
right door. Annoying water currents impede your tour of this cave, so
listen carefully. Surf right at the very bottom where you pass the first
current and run into the second. Once you stop, tap up, then go straight
north again at the end. If you did it right, you can hug the left wall
and go north to another opening. Now you have a choice: right through
a Strength puzzle, or left to an Aqua double battle. C'mon, I think you
can take on some easy chumps, so go left and through the door. You must
complete this puzzle though.

                            --  --      --  --
                           |#9||10|    |11||12|
                            --  --      --  --
                                --  --  --  
                               |#6||#7||#8|
                                --  --  --  
                            --              --
                           |#4|            |#5|
                            --              --
                                --  --  --  
                               |#1||#2||#3|
                                --  --  --  

Push boulder #2 up once, then #1 and #3 to their respective sides again-
st the wall. Now push #2 again either left or right, then heave #7 up
once. Get #6 left, #8 right, #10 and #12 up, and finally #7 to the side.
Go through the door into a misty area, where TM26 sits to the right of
you. This is Earthquake, unquestionably the best Ground attack in the
history of creation and even before that. Follow the path in this room
to reach a scene similar to the one with Maxie in Team Magma's Hideout
(and like before, it's followed by a battle).

 ----------------------------------------------
| ARCHIE'S POKEMON | LV |      DIFFICULTY      |
 ----------------------------------------------
|Mightyena         | 41 |  Same old Mightyena  |
|Crobat            | 41 |   Same old Crobat    |
|Sharpedo          | 43 |Not too hard Sharpedo |
 ----------------------------------------------

You should seriously be used to Mightyena and Crobat by now! Sharpedo,
maybe not so much, but it's pretty easy. Just look out for Slash and
Swagger while you go shark hunting with Grass, Electric, or Fighting
attacks. As long as Jughead doesn't come in and help, Archie should be 
an easy foe. Once you win, a long-ass scene will occur about stupid 
crap. Man, it's just a party over here! After that's all over, follow 
Steven and Fly to Sootopolis.


IT'S THE END OF HOENN AS WE KNOW IT
-----------------------------------

What? Everyone loves a good REM reference! After that pointless cut-
scene, Surf to the left side and speak to Steven. Follow him to the
center section of town (while enduring his incessant babbling) and enter
the Cave of Origin.

 --------------------------------------
|  CAVE OF ORIGIN (1ST ROOM) | % RATES |
 --------------------------------------
|Golbat                      |   75%   |
|Zubat                       |   25%   |
 --------------------------------------
|    CAVE OF ORIGIN (REST)   | % RATES |
 --------------------------------------
|Golbat                      |   10%   |
|Sableye                     |   30%   |
|Zubat                       |   60%   |
 --------------------------------------

It's pretty damn straightforward (they should be really challenging us
by this point, but I won't complain). Get through this thing and speak
to the guy at the end with the funny hat. He's going to ask you a quest-
ion that first-time players probably don't know, so just say it's the
Sky Pillar (how's that for pulling something out of your ass?). Now he's
asking you to meet him at a place where you've never been. Man, this
jerk expects way to much out of us (although expecting anything out of
me is already too much). Well, since I'm a nice guy, and I've already
led you to this point out of kindness, I guess I'll show you where this 
stupid thing is free of charge as well. You can thank me appropriately
later (or inappropriately, if you're into that kind of stuff *wink wink 
nudge nudge say no more*).

Fly to good old Mossdeep where you'll see that this storm/heat wave is
extending all across the eastern half of Hoenn. Well, let's hurry up and
stop it before more meteorologists are tortured and maimed by the gener-
al public for yet another inaccurate weather forecast. Surf south to 
Route 127 past the circle island you ended up after the Archie battle 
into Route 129.

 ------------------------------
|  ROUTE 129 (SURF)  | % RATES |
 ------------------------------
|Pelipper            |   10%   |
|Tentacool           |   60%   |
|Wailord             |    5%   |
|Wingull             |   25%   |
 --------------------------------------------------
|       FISHING      |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 --------------------------------------------------
|Magikarp            |   75%   |   60%   |    -    |
|Sharpedo            |    -    |    -    |   30%   |
|Tentacool           |   25%   |   20%   |    -    |
|Wailmer             |    -    |   20%   |   70%   |
 --------------------------------------------------

If you happen to find a Wailord, try and catch it, as it is also import-
ant for a little sidequest we'll do in the near future. Start sailing
west soon after you get on Route 129 or else you'll crash into some
rocks (Titanic all over again). Keep going left and you'll breeze 
through Routes 129 and 130. Once into Route 131, keep north a bit and 
find a path in between two large rocks jutting out of the water. Go left 
into them, then north to find land in front of a huge cave. Welcome to 
the Sky Pillar. Please keep all hands and feet inside the Surfing Poke-
mon until we have come to a complete stop.

Enter the cave and go through this first area to a door. Now that stupid
jerk apologizes for not giving us proper directions! After he leaves,
enter the tower in front of you.

 --------------------------------
|  SKY PILLAR (F1-F3)  | % RATES |
 --------------------------------
|Banette               |   35%   |
|Claydol               |   40%   |
|Golbat                |   10%   |
|Sableye               |   15%   |
 --------------------------------
|    SKY PILLAR (F5)   | % RATES |
 --------------------------------
|Altaria               |    4%   |
|Banette               |   36%   |
|Claydol               |   40%   |
|Golbat                |    8%   |
|Sableye               |   12%   |
 --------------------------------

Nothing new here; just evolutions of crap you've encountered before. 
Once again, this "dungeon" is so easy, it makes you wish you could go
get a lobotomy just to make it a little more challenging. Go up the
right side to stairs, then left to more stairs. Walk all the way around
to the east side on this floor, then the opposite on the next. Step on
the crumbly ground here to fall to the center area of the previous story
and ascend the stairs in front of you. Just go left to another opening,
then around on the fifth floor to the final staircase. Walk up and you
will find a huge green...thing. Ahhh, it's that freaky Pokemon on the
cover of the game! After it flies away, you must exit the tower manually
(Escape Ropes don't work here for some reason). Get off the fifth floor
and fall through the crack in front of you, then find your way out from
there.

Before Flying to Sootopolis, let's do something really quickly while
we're here. Get back to Surfing on Route 131 west until you reach some
strange floating houses and a Pokemon Center. This is actually Pacifid-
log Town believe it or not, which we will explore what little is here
afterwards (I just wanted to make it easier so that we can Fly later).
Now return to Sootopolis.

Well, that was certainly odd. Anyway, go to the Gym island and speak to
the jerk in the funny hat, who won't be a jerk for two seconds and give
you HM07! This is Waterfall, a move that allows you to ascend, well,
waterfalls! Aren't they clever? In order to use it, you need the next
badge...but...


PACIFIDLOG TOWN
---------------

Hooray for pointless sidequests (or curse them, whatever you prefer).
The Pokemon Center in the very middle of this strange "town" holds a guy
with funky hair. This is a Move Tutor that will teach a dude Explosion.
Like Double Edge, it's an uuber-powerful attack that hurts yourself as
well, but the damage this time is enough for a complete faint. I'd make
a bad politically incorrect joke here, but I'm afraid of what sort of
backlash I'd get (just ask Denmark).

The southwestern house contains a man that will give you one of two TMs
depending on how much your top Pokemon's likes you. If it is happy lug-
ging around with you in a tiny ball, then you'll get TM27 (Return) once
again. If, however, a Pokemon hates your guts and couldn't care less if
you fell in a ditch and starved to death, the man will give you TM21.
Frustration is the exact opposite of Return, in that its power increases
the more the Pokemon dislikes you. I prefer Return because the more you
use the dude, the more it will like you, and the less Frustration will
work. That's just basic philosophy right there.

The only other thing of note here is the southeast house, where the guy
staring at the wall and tells you something semi-important. Every once
and a while, a strange island will appear on Route 130, and his guy is
the only way to find out about it. Mirage Island (as it is called) has
only wild Wynaut and a LIECHI BERRY. This is the best berry for using
Pokeblocks in the game, if you're into that kind of thing. Whether or
not it appears depends on a hidden number of the Pokemon in your party 
which changes every 24 hours, so just talk to this guy if the aliens 
decided to drop Mirage Island off for that particular day.


ROUTE 132 AND BEYOND
--------------------

 -----------------------------------
|  ROUTES 132-134 (SURF)  | % RATES |
 -----------------------------------
|Pelipper                 |   10%   |
|Tentacool                |   65%   |
|Wingull                  |   25%   |
 -------------------------------------------------------
|         FISHING         |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 -------------------------------------------------------
|Horsea                   |    -    |    -    |   10%   |
|Magikarp                 |   75%   |   60%   |    -    |
|Sharpedo                 |    -    |    -    |   30%   |
|Tentacool                |   25%   |   20%   |    -    |
|Wailmer                  |    -    |   20%   |   60%   |
 -------------------------------------------------------

Use your Super Rod and you might just reel up a Horsea. This guy has
some good Special Attack and Defense, then a few cool and unexpecting
moves. After it evolves into Seadra at Lv32, you can trade it while
holding a Dragon Scale for the Water/Dragon powerhouse Kingdra. Not only
does the King of the Dras (?) has great stats and moves, it's also only
weak against Dragon attacks, and you won't see many people with those
(pretty much only one dude). Unfortunately, the only way to get a Dragon
Scale is to find a Horsea that's holding one already when you catch it,
and it's rare enough to find that Pokemon in the first place! Once more,
blame it on those greedy Japanese jerks at Nintendo (although without
them, you wouldn't be playing this to begin with).

Surf west of Pacifidlog and stop when the water changes color. These are
moving currents that will drift you uncontrollably in all sorts of dir-
ections. All that's here are decent trainers and items of the like, but
you definitely won't be doing everything in one trip. I suggest you
enter Route 132 three times: from the very top, the lower middle, and
the very bottom. When you get to the end (Slateport), just Fly back to
Pacifidlog and do it again. Ignore that one Dive spot you may find and,
when you've had your fill, continue to Slateport. I think you know what
I'm about to say. Well here it is: go north to yet another installment
of the Trick Master.

After you find him hiding behind the cupboard in the northeast corner,
once again go through that door. Remember Winona's Gym? Well, it's time
to relive that nightmare once more. Push the first bar thingy you come
to left, then walk up and around that little block so that the path
going north is clear. Continue that way up, then turn right moving
through another thingy. Go south to battle Pkmn Ranger Sophia, then walk
right from her, then up and around to the turny thing you have recently
pushed. Move it back by going south, then walk around again to the area
in the upper-left corner (where another stupid Ranger waits for you).
Go down and reach the scroll, then travel right and south till you're
practically surrounded by turny thingies! It's easy; just move the lower
right one down east (so that it makes an "L"), then go south through the
thing northeast of it and around. Walk to the right hallway up to a Bird
Keeper, where you should just pass through the final thingies to write
the message on the door (my life my ass). For winning once again, you
receive a MAGNET (ups Electric moves when held) and the comfort of know-
ing that you're almost the Trick Master's equal in greatness. If any-
thing, that just means your greatness is decreasing (if it's possible).

Travel south to Slateport and even further to Route 109. Start Surfing
south then west until you find a boat on the northern side. Make sure
you have a Diving Pokemon with you and enter it.


ABANDONED SHIP
--------------

It sure didn't look this big from the outside (oh, the optical illusions
of Pokemon)! Ascend the stairs and go through the door. The thing in the
middle area are different cabins you can explore (most with easy under-
leveled trainers). Just go down the stairs in the northeast corner. The 
bottom left cabin in this room contains an ESCAPE ROPE, which, as al-
ways, will come in handy. Continue up more stairs (located in the north-
west corner) to another area with cabins (which only have a double bat-
tle and REVIVE). Go south through the door back to the outside, then
travel right and up some stairs to a new room. Talk to the guy here who 
is looking for a Scanner (keep that in mind) and make sure to pick up 
the STORAGE KEY in the southwest portion. Now backtrack all the way to
the second room of cabins you had discovered. Find the lone door on the
east side and press A to unlock it. In here is TM13! This is Ice Beam,
a great Ice attack that most Water types can enjoy.

Exit this room and find the lower-middle cabin. Enter it, and start to
Surf into the water, then Dive on the dark part. Now underwater, swim
left to a room where you may surface. There are six cabins here, but
most of them are locked. Well instead of minding our own business like
normal people, how about we search for keys to barge into these protect-
ed rooms? Sounds like a plan to me. Enter Room #3 (the southeast one)
where you'll find a WATER STONE! Zip-a-de-do-da. Did you see something
sparkle when you opened the door? Exit, then reenter to find the shiny
thingamabob. Click on it for a RM. 1 KEY. Here's a crazy idea: let's use
it to open Room #1! Hey, it works. In here are two sparkly things and
TM18 (Rain Dance, a move that will make it rain in battle). Go grab the
leftmost one for the RM. 4 KEY (the right thingy is just garbage...tin
foil, I guess). Now go over to Room #4 (the one on the northwest tip)
and unlock it. Three more pretty sparkly glistening shimmering...uh...
reflective...um...another synonym for shiny...things await you. Get that
one in the trash for the RM. 6 KEY (you'd think the actual trash would
be the stuff in the garbage can, wouldn't you? Damn illegal immigrant
janitors!). Go over to Room 6 to find a LUXURY BALL! This special Poke-
ball makes dudes inside it like you faster, so catch a Zubat or some-
thing that needs it to evolve with this. You may also enter Room 5 from
here, but you have no clue where the shiny things are. What you're supp-
osed to do is enter the Room 5 door and memorize the sparkles, then go
back through Room 6 to get them. However, I'm just going to be nice and
tell you to click on the spot two spaces directly under the left garbage
can near the door (you cheating piece of crap). You'll receive the RM. 2
KEY, so go over to that respective room and pick up the SCANNER! Now who
did that guy we met earlier say wanted this thing?

Use that ESCAPE ROPE to get the hell out of here and Fly back to Slate-
port. Enter the Harbor and talk to Capt. Stern, who will be mega-excit-
ed over a stupid little gadget that probably doesn't work anymore (or
just needs a new lithium battery). Nevertheless, he wants it bad, and
is willing to trade either a DEEPSEATOOTH or DEEPSEASCALE for it. On the
surface, these items seem pretty useless (the tooth raises Special Att-
ack only for Clamperl, and the scale does the same only for Special Def-
ense). However, if you trade your Clamperl while holding one of the two
Deepsea items, it will evolve into different Pokemon. Both Huntail
(Deepseatooth) and Gorebyss (Deepseascale) are Water Pokemon with the
same stats, only the former is more Dark-based and latter Psychic. I
think both are pretty good, but not enough to chuck the Water guy you've
had for such a long time.


BACK TO SOOTOPOLIS
------------------

Time to grab that final badge with those grubby little hands of yours
(no offense, but you have to admit they are a tad grubby). Fly to that
gated community of Sootopolis and enter the Gym. Our final pre-Leader
puzzle deals with a floor of ice that cracks when you walk on it. You
must figure out a way to step on each space once, and only once, to ad-
vance to the next level. If you land on a spot twice, you fall into the
abyss of trainers. Now, you don't have to, but a true Pokemon master
would intentionally screw up just to gain experience, but go ahead and
be a lazy-ass pansy if you want. Anyway, the first puzzle is extremely
easy: go up onto the first spot, then left once, up once, right twice,
up once, and left once more up the magically appearing stairs. In the 
new area, walk left from the beginning thrice, up twice, right twice,
down once, right twice, up twice, and left twice up stairs. Almost done
with this occupational hazard. Stand on the first point in the final
puzzle, then travel left five times, up thrice, right once, down once,
right once, down once, right once, up twice, right once, down once, 
right once, down once, right once, down once, right once, up once, right
twice, down once, right once, up thrice, left twice, down once, left
once, up once, and finally left twice. That was fun! Go up and speak to
Rico Suave here to begin the last Gym attack.

 ----------------------------------------------
| JUAN'S POKEMON | LV |       DIFFICULTY       |
 ----------------------------------------------
|Luvdisc         | 41 | Get it out of your way |
|Whiscash        | 41 |   Sell it some Grass   |
|Sealeo          | 43 |      Punch it out      |
|Crawdaunt       | 43 | Just don't try Psychic |
|Kingdra         | 46 |Good luck with this mofo|
 ----------------------------------------------

Ave Maria! This guy's Pokemon are sorta-maybe-not-really tough! First
is the only pure-Water, Luvdisc, whose job is to basically confuse you
with Sweet Kiss and die. Try to kill it before it has the opportunity to
do so. Get your Electric off the field when Whiscash comes around; it 
has Earthquake and its part-Ground type won't allow it to be damaged
anyway. Grass is undoubtedly your best bet. Sealeo's half-Ice, now put-
ting your Grass dude in jeopardy. Electricity works well, but its Def-
ense is a little lower than its Special Defense, so a Fighting attack
actually works better (like that Brick Break thing you got in this
city). You might notice the move Water Pulse. If not, you must have ADD
or something because that's pretty much all Juan uses (get your head out
of your ass and pay attention)! It does a decent amount of damage, plus
has a 20% chance of Confusing (although we already weren't confused by
Juan's debonair to begin with...or maybe that's the hair spray fumes).
Have your Full Heals/Persim Berries/Yellow Flute ready. Crawdaunt's a
Water/Dark, so really anything but Psychic works here (but Grass, Ele-
ctric, and Fighting are still recommended). Look out for Crabhammer! It
doesn't really do much, but it sounds cool to say. And finally, the
mighty Kingdra returns! It has no weakness but obscure Dragon things,
to which it can counter with Ice Beam. Find some strong accurate move
to chip away its HP. However, when you think it's in the bag, BAM! Juan
uses good old Rest (which not only restores all HP, it cures status
conditions as well). Take advantage of the two turns of Sleep to beat it
down once again. Keep doing this and the RAIN BADGE will be yours (which
looks a lot like the Triforce from the Zelda games...how original). Also
you'll be so lucky to get TM03 instead of Juan's fruity outfit. Yep, it
is Water Pulse; how'd ya know?


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                    |                 |
|                      Chapter Ten:                  |                 |
|                     THE ELITE FOUR                 |  rash medicine  |
|                                                    |                 |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


ROAD TO EVER GRANDE
-------------------

YEAH! The eight badges are ours! Now we can summon the Great Shenron and
wish for world domination! Mwhaha! But first, why don't we become the
Pokemon Champion? Baby steps, my friend, baby steps.

I know you're sick of sidequests and all that, but I'm going to make you
do just one more thing before we start on the final stretch of your
challenge. However, it's probably the worst sidequest of all: the mother
freaking Trick Master. I know, I understand your pain completely, but
after this, we've only got one more installment left (withstand the hurt
just a couple more times). Once you find him behind the right window,
enter the puzzle room. Welcome back to the Mossdeep Gym! Go right onto
a square thing that will trigger a double battle. After that's done,
continue east till you may go north up a skinny hallway. Take the first
left and follow it to a blue square, which you should step on two times,
then get back to that northward path you were previously on. Keep going
until you find a path going west to a red square. Stand on it twice and
resume left and hit the other square till that statue is in the south-
east spot. Walk south past it for a warp point that will lead you to the
scroll. Return to the previous area and go north to three different warp
points (talk about overkill)! Choose the right one that's all alone (he
must smell or something), then north in this enclosed area for another
warp. Get by the trainers here to reach the door. You know what to do
from here (huggable my ass...not that I would know). He will give you
a PP MAX, which even I couldn't complain about (that's saying some-
thing)!

If you're interested, you can climb to the top of Mt. Pyre to have some
closure in the Aqua/Magma storyline. Otherwise, Fly to Mossdeep and
begin to Surf south. Find that circular island you're all-too-familiar
with and swerve east from there. Eventually, you'll enter onto Route
128.

 ------------------------------
|  ROUTE 128 (SURF)  | % RATES |
 ------------------------------
|Pelipper            |   10%   |
|Tentacool           |   65%   |
|Wingull             |   25%   |
 --------------------------------------------------
|       FISHING      |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 --------------------------------------------------
|Corsola             |    -    |    -    |   15%   |
|Luvdisc             |         |         |   35%   |
|Magikarp            |   75%   |   60%   |    -    |
|Tentacool           |   25%   |   20%   |    -    |
|Wailmer             |    -    |   20%   |   50%   |
 --------------------------------------------------

Two more crappy Water Pokemon you have no need for. Not only does Luv-
disc sound retarded, its stats and moves actually are. Other than Take
Down, it gets no natural moves of note, and the only thing to call home
about is its Speed. Leave this unnaturally shaped fish at the bottom of
the sea. Corsola is like Relicanth (Water/Rock), but it's actually even
worse. Some of its moves are pretty interesting and such, yet the stats
will always be a problem. I don't understand why the Water Pokemon seem
to be getting worse as we progress, but maybe it has something to do
with the Japanese reading right to left (maybe?).

Keep Surfing east until a cascade of falling water is to the north of
you. If you haven't already, teach somebody Waterfall and use it to 
climb up this thing. Well, that seemed theoretically impossible! Up here
you'll find a Pokemon Center, so I strongly suggest you heal up before
moving on. Also, make sure you have Pokemon that know Surf, Strength,
Rock Smash, Waterfall, and even Flash (yes, we're actually going to use
Flash for the first time in a thousand years). Also, Escape Ropes and
healing items will be a tad helpful as well. Exit the Center and walk
north to a cave entrance. Well, it's not roped off with Caution tape, so
let us check it out.


VICTORY ROAD
------------

 -------------------------------
|  VICTORY ROAD (1F)  | % RATES |
 -------------------------------
|Aron                 |    4%   |
|Golbat               |   20%   |
|Hariyama             |   24%   |
|Lairon               |   12%   |
|Loudred              |   12%   |
|Makuhita             |   12%   |
|Whismur              |    4%   |
|Zubat                |   12%   |
 -------------------------------
|  VICTORY ROAD (B1)  | % RATES |
 -------------------------------
|Golbat               |   40%   |
|Hariyama             |   30%   |
|Lairon               |   20%   |
|Mawile               |   10%   |
 -------------------------------
|  VICTORY ROAD (B2)  | % RATES |
 -------------------------------
|Golbat               |   40%   |
|Lairon               |   20%   |
|Mawile               |   10%   |
|Sableye              |   30%   |
 ---------------------------------------------------
|       FISHING       |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 ---------------------------------------------------
|Barboach             |    -    |   20%   |   70%   |
|Goldeen              |   25%   |   20%   |    -    |
|Magikarp             |   75%   |   60%   |    -    |
|Whiscash             |    -    |    -    |   30%   |
 ---------------------------------------------------

Evolutions galore (Lairon for Aron, Loudred for Whismur, Hariyama for
Makuhita, Whiscash for Barboach, Golbat for Zubat). The only new dude
here, one you'll rarely see, is the pure Steel Mawile. It has good Att-
ack and some cool Dark moves (go figure). You really really REALLY
shouldn't be adding to your party by this point, but Mawile's pretty
good to have around.

This is your final test before the Pokemon League, so don't screw it the
hell up! To your left, you'll see stairs leading to a platform behind
some rocks, so go around and ascend them. Cross the bridge and get off
the platform at the end. Turn left and up to battle Cooltrainer Albert
(who's actually better than Juan levelwise). Continue north then west to
some stairs above you. Traverse the two bridges going right, then get
down for a MAX ELIXER (go head get down). Now hop over the ledge, travel
west for another ledge, and you're back to the entrance. Wasn't that
fun?! Go heal up if you already need it, then go north under the bridge
and hop onto the first platform that you see. Continue left and up where
you'll be stopped. What the hell is he doing here?!

 -------------------------------------------
| WALLY'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -------------------------------------------
|Altaria          | 44 |  ICE/Dragon/Rock   |
|Magneton         | 41 |GROUND/Fire/Fighting|
|Delcatty         | 43 |      Fighting      |
|Roselia          | 44 |Fire/Psychic/Flying |
|Gardevoir        | 45 |   Dark/Ghost/Bug   |
 -------------------------------------------

Well cancer boy has decided use his "Make A Wish" thing to get his fee-
ble little ass kicked by you, so don't you dare disappoint him. Use his
Altaria for practice, as you'll be facing a few Dragon/Flying dudes in
the League. Ice him before it can effectively use its high Attack and
Speed. Magneton has the cool Tri Attack, but it shouldn't be any problem
against anything with Earthquake (or any other Ground moves). Delcatty?
Ha! Just freaking kill it. Watch out for Roselia's Leech Seed, which
will sap HP from your Pokemon every turn until you switch out. Otherwise
you can just burn it to smithereens. Finally, the thing you helped Wally
catch in the very beginning: fully-evolved Gardevoir. High Special Att-
ack plus Calm Mind plus the powerful Psychic attack makes this one scary
foe. However if you have a Dark Pokemon out there, Gardevoir cannot do
ANYTHING against it! Not even Double Team will work if you use Faint
Attack every time.

After all that's over, go up and beat down Cooltrainer Hope, then walk
right to a ladder. Ahhhhhh! Where's my Barney nightlight?! Well, maybe
Flash will be good enough. Go down the right side and turn left to a
Strength boulder. Push it into the crevice on the west wall, then walk
south and east to shove another boulder. Take the trail below you till
you see a smashable rock. Use that thing that smashes those rocks and
get it out of your way, taking the stairs behind it. Cross the eastward
bridge to get off the elevated platform to Cooltrainer Samuel (this sure
is the cool spot to hang out, I guess). Go north to even more boulders!
Push the first one up and to the left, then go up move the second guy in
the same direction, and finally smashing the rock for a FULL RESTORE.
Now travel south as far as possible, then turn west to a ladder to the
second basement.

Northward is an oddly-placed lake. Surf straight up to an outlet towards
some stairs. Ascend them and go right to the wall, at which turn north
to a ladder. Just go south for a free TM29 (Psychic), then return to
that water. Swim left to a Waterfall, where you should use the HM of the
same name. The strongest Winstrate is actually on the land here, so take
him on and inflict misery on him like you did the rest of his stupid
family. Continue Surfing west and south down the waterfall. Move a tad
right and get on the ground below, where a ladder awaits you to the
southwest. Go north, east, south past an easy Strength/Rock Smash puzzle
(smash NW rock, move the SW one, and smash the SE thing), and there's
the final ladder. Oh sweet daylight! Go up the stairs and walk right on
the bridge to the end. North you'll meet Cooltrainer Edgar and some
tricky CTs hiding under the bridge (those sons of biscuits). At last, 
make the home stretch to the exit.


BEFORE THE POKEMON LEAGUE
-------------------------

Just walk the path up under the pretty arches to a giant building. This
is a Pokemon Center and Pokemart all in one, living proof that corporate 
takeovers can be a good thing. I highly suggest you stock up on Full Re-
stores, Hyper Potions, Revives, and stuff like that. The Pokemon League
involves you taking on five semi-tough trainers without healing up auto-
matically, so items will save your life here. Also, your Pokemon at the
very least should be Lv50. If not, go back and train your ass till you
reach that point (you can now Fly back here when you're ready). Sure,
you can scrape by with dudes in the mid to high 40s if you're lucky and
have enough items, but let's not risk it. You should try to have moves
of most every type in your arsenal, but the crucial ones that are vital
to winning here are Electric, Fighting, Ice, Fire, and possibly a Dark
or Ghost thing, if you got it. Finally, give your dudes whatever Hold
items you think best suits it (Berries, type increasers, stat increas-
ers, things like that). Alrighty then, if you're up and raring to go,
talk to those freaky twins here and they'll make sure you have all eight
Hoenn badges (which is retarded because you couldn't even reach THIS
point without them). Once they move and the cheesy music plays, save
your game, then enter through the door into the abyss.


SIDNEY: DARK DUDE
-----------------

 --------------------------------------------
| SIDNEY'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 --------------------------------------------
|Mightyena         | 46 |      Fighting      |
|Cacturne          | 46 | Fighting/Fire/Ice  |
|Shiftry           | 48 | Fighting/Fire/Ice  |
|Crawdaunt         | 48 | Fighting/Electric  |
|Absol             | 49 |      Fighting      |
 --------------------------------------------

Your challenge has begun (if you really want to call this particular
battle a challenge)! Most of his dudes have a high attacking non-Dark
move along with Swords Dance (which ups Attack even more). But no matter
since a majority of these Pokemon have crappy Defense, making it easy
for your Lv50+ guy with a Fighting move to just beat the crap out of
them. Also, look out for that annoying Swagger thing, which if you for-
got, increases your Attack but also Confuses you so you hurt yourself
even more. However, if you can manage five One-Hit-KOs, there's absol-
utely no reason to dwell on any of this crap.


PHOEBE: GHOST CHICK
-------------------

 --------------------------------------------
| PHOEBE'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 --------------------------------------------
|Dusclops          | 48 |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Banette           | 49 |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Banette           | 49 |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Sableye           | 50 |       NONE!!!      |
|Dusclops          | 51 |     Dark/Ghost     |
 --------------------------------------------

Phoebe is the hardest to match types with, but as long as you have a
powerful attack of practically any type (except for Normal, Fighting,
or Poison), you'll do fine. If you taught Shadow Ball to a non-Ghost
or non-Psychic dude, it seems to perform pretty well against these guys.
Keep in mind that Sableye isn't weak against anything, but strong moves
like Surf, Earthquake, Thunderbolt, etc. will take it down with no prob-
lem. The only caveat here is the Lv51 Dusclops carries some powerful
crap (Ice Beam, Earthquake, Rock Slide, and Shadow Ball). Virtually the
only type not weak against at least one of these moves is Water, so have
your Surfer out and hope for the best.


GLACIA: ICE CHICK
-----------------

 --------------------------------------------
| GLACIA'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 --------------------------------------------
|Sealeo            | 50 | Electric/Fighting  |
|Glalie            | 50 | Fire/Fighting/Rock |
|Sealeo            | 52 | Electric/Fighting  |
|Glalie            | 52 | Fire/Fighting/Rock |
|Walrein           | 53 | Electric/Fighting  |
 --------------------------------------------

Damn, these hallways are annoying! Anyway, Fighting attacks like Brick
Break will perform magically in here as well. The first thing Glacia
does is use Hail, which will chip away at any Pokemon on the field that
are not of the Ice type (aka: only you). It's doesn't do much, so don't
worry about it (it will stop after about five turns anyway). Just zap
the Sealeos and burn the Glalies (or punch out the whole lot). Walrein
is the evolved form of Sealeo, but it has a move you should probably
watch out for: Sheer Cold. It only has a 30% of hitting, but when it
does, your Pokemon is automatically KOed. End of story. However, it
can't work on anything higher leveled then the user, so it's all good if
you are Lv54 or higher. That's what Glacia deserves because she's cold
as ice and willing to sacrifice our love.


DRAKE: DRAGON DUDE
------------------

 -------------------------------------------
| DRAKE'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -------------------------------------------
|Shelgon          | 52 |     Ice/Dragon     |
|Kingdra          | 53 |       Dragon       |
|Flygon           | 53 |     ICE/Dragon     |
|Altaria          | 54 |  ICE/Rock/Dragon   |
|Salamence        | 55 |  ICE/Rock/Dragon   |
 -------------------------------------------

Here's the toughest member of the Elite Four with the toughest type in
the game: Dragon. However, they're aren't all that powerful or hard to
beat (Lance could run circles around Captain McAllister here). As you
can see, Ice works for the most part, as three of his dudes are double
Super Effective against it. For Kingdra, just do what you did with
Juan's: find some strong and accurate move to chip away its HP. Beware
if your Ice dude is actually Ice type; Flygon and Salamence have attacks
that Ice Pokemon are weak against (Flamethrower, Rock Slide). Also, Sal-
amence will use the mighty Dragon Claw on you, which might take away
more HP than you would really want. Hey, that's what items are for (they
aren't just pretty decorations)!


WALLACE: WATER CHAMPION
-----------------------

Well, you have defeated the Elite Four, but you're not quite the Pokemon
Master yet. You still have to travel down a needlessly long hallway (you
see, this over-extravagant stuff is why we have a hallway shortage in
our country), then dethrone the reigning champion. I have a feeling that
you've met this jerk sometime in your past...

 ---------------------------------------------
| WALLACE'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 ---------------------------------------------
|Wailord            | 57 |   Electric/Grass   |
|Tentacruel         | 55 |  Electric/Psychic  |
|Gyarados           | 56 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|Whiscash           | 56 |       GRASS        |
|Ludicolo           | 56 |   Flying/Poison    |
|Milotic            | 58 |   Electric/Grass   |
 ---------------------------------------------

This is really just a fight with a tougher version of Juan. Right here
is why an Electric dude is so important, so just use it to zap four of
his Pokemon (including the one that's doubley weak). Make sure to get
your Electric type out of there when Whiscash comes around. You didn't
have to bring one, but Grass will take care of it in no time. Otherwise,
a few other types work nearly as well (like Water for instance). Unless
your Flyer is dual-type, it hasn't done anything yet, so give it some
action against Ludicolo if you brought it with you (if not, most other
things are fine too). Most of Wallace's guys have an Ice attack, so
Grass isn't recommended against anything but Whiscash. Also a few have
Toxic for some odd reason; make sure to put your Full Heals to good use.

After a long-ass battle filled with strong attacks and item using, Wall-
ace is finally defeated! Yeah! YOU WIN! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS...MY 
FRIENDS! AND WE *falsetto* KEEP ON FIGHTING *normal tone* TILL THE END!
Watch the stupid little scene that follows and bathe in the glory that
is Pokemon Championship-ness.


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                  |                   |
|                   Chapter Eleven:                |                   |
|               THE LAST PARTS OF HOENN            |  calamine lotion  |
|                                                  |                   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


STUPID POST-CHAMPION CRAP
-------------------------

Well, now that you're League Champion and the credits have rolled,
that's it, right? Oh, you silly humans! There's a bunch of other cool
stuff that you can do with the title of Champion, but first we must get
through the meaningless crap that, if anything, seems degrading to your
current status. Now you know how the Secretary-General of the UN feels.

Go downstairs and crap will happen. In the end, good old Daddy will re-
ward you with the S.S. TICKET! Sounds exotic. Also, a news bulletin
occurs on the television. Alright, the Dow Jones rose three points! Also
it seems that a BZZT colored Pokemon is running around Hoenn. There are
actually two of them, but you choose which one you prefer by clicking on
either Red or Blue. Both Latias (Red) and Latios (Blue) are strong Drag-
on/Psychic Pokemon that can Levitate. The only real difference between
them are the moves they learn (most of which are Defensive), so just
pick whatever color you think is the prettiest. Now where would we find
these guys? Well, they can pop up at any time in any wild grass in Hoenn
without you having the slightest idea. If you're lucky enough to find
one, it's just going to flee, forcing you to start all over again (but
you may now track its location with your Pokedex). This thing is prob-
ably the best to use the Master Ball against, but it's all up to you
(unfortunately). But don't go looking for it; it usually doesn't show up
when you're just running through random wild grass (though it will most
likely appear when you give up on it, just to piss you off).

Exit your house and a street gang is waiting for you! Ahhh! Oh, never-
mind; it's just Prof. Birch and Brendan/May. He will bring you to his
lab and offer to upgrade your Pokedex to the National mode! Mazel tov!
Now you can find Pokemon that are foreign to Hoenn that got here by
jumping over the fenced border. Now you just need to know where to find
them. Don't you just love how Brendan/May is still a cocky jerk/biznatch
even when you're the freaking Champion?! If only that title came with
the power to execute people...

There are a few other incentives for being the Pokemon Champion. Now,
Gym Leaders will be asking you for a rematch just like every other
trainer in your Match Call. They pretty much have the same Pokemon as
before, only they are stronger and you play in double battle mode for
some reason (change of scenery, I guess). Also, you can check up on your
cancerous friend Wally and battle him again in Victory Road. That should
probably count for community service if anything.

Let's just get this over with now before we start worrying about this
later. Fly to Slateport, go north, and enter the Trick Master's house
for the final time. Click on the southwest cushion to find the jerk and
begin the last puzzle. Oh great, a sliding puzzle! From the right tile,
step up, right to Cooltrainer Keira, up, left, and down to the scroll.
Hey, this ain't so bad (maybe). Now return to the slippery well-mopped
surface and go up, left, down, right, and down to normal land. Stand on
the second tile from the left and slide straight up to the top, then
travel left, down, left, and down. Move left one tile here and go back
up, then left, then down. Once again, move left a tad, and go north to
the home stretch. After beating Cooltrainer Leroy (how can he be cool
with that name?), go east and write the secret code on the door (love my
ass *vomits*). The prize for besting him once and for all is a stupid
RED/BLUE TENT (just a decoration for your Secret Base). After you jump
for joy that this butthole is leaving Hoenn forever, exit this godfor-
saken place!


TRAINER HILL
------------

You've seen this place before, but you're probably too drunk/stoned to
recall that, so allow me to refresh your memory. Fly to Mauville and go
north to Route 111. Veer right and there's a huge tower right in front
of you. Now do you remember? This place is optional and timewasting, but
anything to avoid doing your homework! You have to ascend four flights
of stairs while battling and solving puzzles as fast as you can for a
crappy prize. You can only heal with items in between, so make sure you
got a crapload of all different kinds. Also, prepare to use those runn-
ing shoes, because buildings are more fun when you can sprint full speed
into a wall. And I would also suggest turning the Battle Animation off, 
for it takes time away from your trial. Anyway, you get four types of 
stuff to do: Normal, Variety, Unique, or Expert. Since I'm such a sweet-
heart of guy, I'll go over all of them.

NORMAL:
Go down past the first two ledges then veer right hopping down the foll-
owing three. Walk right to the southeast corner, then go up past two
ledges on your left side until you can turn that way down the second
one. Now just zigzag north to a double battle.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Flareon             | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|Magneton            |GROUND/Fire/Fighting|
|Pinsir              |  Fire/Flying/Rock  |
 -----------------------------------------
|Misdreavus          |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Claydol             |Water/Grass/Ice/Dark|
|Solrock             |Water/Grass/Ice/Dark|
 -----------------------------------------

Go down once, then turn right and up to the next floor. Walk down the
left side, then up the subsequent hallway, right across the ice, then
down the zigzag with the hoppy things to another double battle (there
was an easier way to get here, but you'd have to fight the trainers sep-
aratly, which wastes a whole lotta precious time).

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Meditite            |    Flying/Ghost    |
|Heracross           |  FLYING/Fire/Rock  |
|Hitmontop           |   Psychic/Flying   |
 -----------------------------------------
|Mr. Mime            |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Plusle              |       Ground       |
|Togepi              |      Fighting      |
 -----------------------------------------

Try to kill the first dude's Pokemon first (Meditite, Heracross, and
Hitmontop) because all they will do is Focus Punch, which doesn't work
if it gets attacked. After that, go right and up the stairs. On this
floor, go all the way down and turn right from the second space from the
bottom wall. Listen carefully (or read carefully): walk left five times,
up once, right twice, up once, right thrice, up twice, left four times,
up twice, right thrice, up twice again, left four times, and finally up
once to the battle.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Vaporeon            |   Electric/Grass   |
|Dodrio              | Electric/Ice/Rock  |
|Omastar             |GRASS/Electric/Fight|
 -----------------------------------------
|Nidoqueen           | Psychic/Water/Ice  |
|Ninetales           | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|Charizard           |ROCK/Water/Electric |
 -----------------------------------------

Don't try using a Water attack around Vaporeon; its ability allows it to
replenish HP if you do. Once you're finished, simply go north to the
final floor. Oh great, another ice puzzle. Stand on the fourth tile from
the western wall and slide down, left, down, right, up, left, down, and
right.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Alakazam            |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Blissey             |      Fighting      |
|Grumpig             |     Dark/Ghost     |
 -----------------------------------------
|Tropius             |ICE/Fire/Flying/Rock|
|Bellossom           |  Fire/Flying/Ice   |
|Meganium            |  Fire/Flying/Ice   |
 -----------------------------------------

That battle's not too hard with the right stuff. Anyway, go right, down,
left, up, right, and up all they way to the end. On the roof, you'll
find some senile old dude who will give you something based on how fast
you were (it's never anything good though). Take the elevator on the
right back to the main floor.


VARIETY:
On the first floor, there are a whole bunch of arrow things to blow your
mind. Just go straight down from the entrance onto the stage, then move
down, up, left, and down. Walk straight up to a double battle.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Delibird            | ROCK/Fire/Electric |
|Clefairy            |      Fighting      |
|Pikachu             |       Ground       |
 -----------------------------------------
|Corsola             |GRASS/Electric/Fight|
|Clamperl            |   Electric/Grass   |
|Starmie             |Electric/Grass/Dark |
 -----------------------------------------

Go north, where you'll be led to the stairway. Now just ignore the red
sparkly things (no matter how pretty they seem) and run to the very
bottom of the room where you can enter the center area.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Jigglypuff          |      Fighting      |
|Jynx                |Fire/Dark/Rock/Ghost|
|Exploud             |      Fighting      |
 -----------------------------------------
|Illumise            |  Fire/Flying/Rock  |
|Spheal              | Electric/Fighting  |
|Vigoroth            |      Fighting      |
 -----------------------------------------

Once again, go up and through the stairs. As soon as you emerge on the
third floor, take a step to the right, then run straight down until you
stop after hoping two ledges. Slide right and go down again, where you
can slide right once more and up to the double battle.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Wooper              |       GRASS        |
|Poliwag             |   Electric/Grass   |
|Psyduck             |   Electric/Grass   |
 -----------------------------------------
|Baltoy              |Water/Grass/Ice/Dark|
|Pineco              |  Fire/Flying/Rock  |
|Voltorb             |       Ground       |
 -----------------------------------------

This is a retarded battle because Trainer #2 will try to use Explosion
or Selfdestruct every time, but Trainer #1's ability for all her Pokemon
is to prevent that, negating #2's turn completely. I'd suggest you kill
the Baltoy/Pineco/Voltorb team first because they cannot do anything if
their partners are still hanging around. Anyway, the final floor con-
tains more arrow crap. Look at the second arrow from the left and go
down thrice, right twice, down four times, right twice, up five times,
left once, up once, right once, and up once. The trainers here only have
six Unowns, Psychic Pokemon that are in the shape of letters (it prob-
ably spells out something, but I'm too lazy to figure it out). All they
have is Hidden Power, a semi-not-really-decent move that will change
type randomly. The dudes are really weak though, so just beat them with
whatever. Go up the stairs and talk to the weird guy to get your prize,
amigo.


UNIQUE:
From the stairs, go straight down to the very bottom of the room and go
right. Take the very last path upwards and just follow it to the double
battle.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Magcargo            | WATER/GROUND/Fight |
|Rapidash            | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|Moltres             |ROCK/Water/Electric |
 -----------------------------------------
|Sunflora            |  Fire/Flying/Ice   |
|Tangela             |  Fire/Flying/Ice   |
|Venusaur            |  Fire/Psychic/Ice  |
 -----------------------------------------

Moltres?! That's right; this guy somehow managed to catch a Legendary
Pokemon from the very first games. Crazy kids. Anyway, beat these jerks
and go up and through the stairway. On this floor, you can walk behind
those stupid blue poles, so go down and turn right behind the first one.
From there, go straight down, then left to the wall. Walk down to the
stone thingy and go right past three blue poles. Travel downward and
left to a stone which you can easily get around by moving south then
west. Now you should have a clear path at the bottom. Walk under five
poles and turn north before the sixth one, where you may go east into
the wall. Walk up and go left, up, and left into a relatively open
space. Why those tricky jerks!

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Smeargle            |      Fighting      |
|Smeargle            |      Fighting      |
|Smeargle            |      Fighting      |
 -----------------------------------------
|Cubone              |  Water/Grass/Ice   |
|Beedrill            |Fire/Flying/Electric|
|Raticate            |      Fighting      |
 -----------------------------------------

The Smeargles have different moves, so it's not like it's ccmpletely re-
petitive. Just go up and around the pole in front of you to the stairs.
This floor is easy; just go down and around, dancing to the little tune
you play.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Charmeleon          | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|Wartortle           |   Electric/Grass   |
|Ivysaur             |  Fire/Psychic/Ice  |
 -----------------------------------------
|Cleffa              |      Fighting      |
|Magby               | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|Wynaut              |     Dark/Ghost     |
 -----------------------------------------

Zigzag around to the final story. Here, you can just go right to battle
one single guy, but that's cheap and time-wasting. Instead, go down and
left, following the wall all the way down. Keep going up and down till
you can double battle.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Houndoom            | Water/Ground/Fight |
|Stantler            |      Fighting      |
|Articuno            | ROCK/Fire/Electric |
 -----------------------------------------
|Sudowoodo           |Water/Grass/Fighting|
|Slowking            |Electric/Grass/Dark |
|Entei               | Water/Ground/Rock  |
 -----------------------------------------

Articuno?! Entei?! Anywho, just beat these heavyweights down as fast as
possible. Afterwards, go down and right and left and up and right and up
and left and up and right and up to the stairs. Simple enough.


EXPERT:
There vertually aren't any puzzles, just excruciatingly hard battles
(don't I just put a damper on things?). On the first floor, go down the
left side where the arrows are pointing downward, then enter the middle
area for your first expert fight.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Snorlax             |      Fighting      |
|Ursaring            |      Fighting      |
|Miltank             |      Fighting      |
 -----------------------------------------
|Gengar              | Ghost/Dark/Psychic |
|Alakazam            |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Gardevoir           |     Dark/Ghost     |
 -----------------------------------------

When the trainer says, "We can take on any type," he freaking means it!
The Snorlax/Gengar combo is the hardest of the entire expert challenge,
I believe, but that doesn't necessarily mean its smooth sailing the rest
of the way. Just do the best you can (use items whenever possible), and
don't feel bad if you lose (that's why they call it freaking EXPERT!!!).
If you want, you can take them on separately (it is somewhat easier),
but it wastes a lot more time (which is of the essence here). After 
that's finally over, go up and through the stairs. Now, simply go down
and right to begin the second battle.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Dusclops            |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Ninetales           | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|Banette             |     Dark/Ghost     |
 -----------------------------------------
|Swellow             | Electric/Ice/Rock  |
|Machamp             |   Psychic/Flying   |
|Ursaring            |      Fighting      |
 -----------------------------------------

This fight is easier (key suffix: er). Afterwards, ding-dong ding-dong
upwards to the stairs. Once again, go down and right, but veer downward
when you trigger the double battle.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Wobbuffet           |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Crobat              |Psychic/Electric/Ice|
|Exploud             |      Fighting      |
 -----------------------------------------
|Dewgong             | Electric/Fighting  |
|Politoed            |   Electric/Grass   |
|Marowak             |  Water/Ice/Grass   |
 -----------------------------------------

I suggest you get rid of the Dewgong/Politoed/Marowak, because Wobbuffet
can't attack unless you hurt it first. Anyway, go around and north to
the stairs. For the final time, go south and east.

 -----------------------------------------
| OPPONENT'S POKEMON |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -----------------------------------------
|Forretress          |   FIRE/Fighting    |
|Electrode           |       Ground       |
|Exeggutor           |  Fire/Flying/Dark  |
 -----------------------------------------
|Gengar              | Ghost/Dark/Psychic |
|Dusclops            |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Misdreavus          |     Dark/Ghost     |
 -----------------------------------------

And that's it. Mazel tov! And just think, you could've used the time you
spent doing this bettering yourself with exercise or charity. Oh well, 
too late now!


SAFARI ZONE EXPANDED
--------------------

Another place has also conveniently finished renovations right after you
beat the Elite Four: the Safari Zone (I guess those lazy contractors
were waiting on you). So Fly to Lilycove and travel west to the Safari
Zone. Pay your stupid $500 gratuity and "set off on your wild excursion"
(Pokemon Masters gone wild, baby!). Go straight up from the entrance and
take the first right you see. Once that annoying sign pops up in the
upper-left corner reminding you where you are (just in case you have 
Alzheimerís or something), you'll be in the new Safari Zone Area.

 -----------------------------------
|  SAFARI ZONE (EXP. #1)  | % RATES |
 -----------------------------------
|Aipom                    |   12%   |
|Gligar                   |    8%   |
|Hoothoot                 |    8%   |
|Mareep                   |   28%   |
|Snubbull                 |    4%   |
|Spinarak                 |   12%   |
|Stantler                 |    8%   |
|Sunkern                  |   20%   |
 -----------------------------------
|         SURFING         | % RATES |
 -----------------------------------
|Marill                   |   60%   |
|Quagsire                 |   10%   |
|Wooper                   |   30%   |
 -------------------------------------------------------
|         FISHING         |   OLD   |   GOOD  |  SUPER  |
 -------------------------------------------------------
|Goldeen                  |   25%   |   20%   |   35%   |
|Magikarp                 |   75%   |   60%   |    -    |
|Octillery                |    -    |    -    |    5%   |
|Remoraid                 |         |   20%   |   60%   |
 -------------------------------------------------------

Most of these Pokemon made their debut in the Gold/Silver/Crystal era,
but most of them happen to be...how you say...sucky. The whole point of
these is to help fill your National Pokedex, so catch them if you fancy.
But there are a few hidden items in this area, so break out your handy-
dandy *in unison with little kids* Itemfinder! Otherwise, go north on
the path above where the new section starts to find the second area.

 -----------------------------------
|  SAFARI ZONE (EXP. #2)  | % RATES |
 -----------------------------------
|Aipom                    |   24%   |
|Hoothoot                 |    4%   |
|Houndour                 |    4%   |
|Ledyba                   |   12%   |
|Miltank                  |    8%   |
|Pineco                   |    8%   |
|Shuckle                  |    0%*  |
|Sunkern                  |    8%   |
|Teddiursa                |   28%   |
 -----------------------------------
*Use Rock Smash to find

Just explore this whole area on your own (I can't hold your hand forever
now). If you climb some stairs to the very top and veer left, you'll see
a collection of smashable rocks just hanging around (above a NUGGET).
This is the only way to find Shuckle, a Pokemon with the best Defense
and Special Defense in the history of the franchise. However, it also
has the worst Attack, Special Attack, and Speed in the entire Pokemon
world, making it one hell of an oddball (and that's saying something if
an oddball like me is making that comment).


SEALED CHAMBER AND THE REGIS
----------------------------

Including Latias/Latios, there are seven one-of-a-kind Pokemon that you
have the opportunity to catch, so how about we start getting into those
(finally)! Actually, we could've done this after beating Juan, but I
could just tell you were itchin' to beat the League first (I know you
like a book). First of all, make sure you have two specific Pokemon in
your possession: Relicanth and Wailord. If you don't have these things,
Relicanth can be found Diving on Routes 124 and 126, and for Wailord,
you must use your Super Rod on Route 129. You could catch a Wailmer and
raise it to Lv40 as well, but why do more work then you need to? What
are you, a successful overachiever?! Nerd. Also, buy a crapload of Ultra
Balls (I'd say forty or so constitutes as a crapload). Timer Balls from
Rustboro are excellent too cause you may be battling these things for
quite a while.

Anyway, get your Wailord and Relicanth in your party, along with someone
that knows the move Dig (you have a TM of it, right?). Once you've got
all that crap, Fly to Pacifidlog and Surf left to Route 132 with the
currents. Keep south as much as humanly possible as you continuously
travel westward. Ultimately, you'll land on a light-colored squarish
area with ridges on the northwest and southeast corners. Stand on the
third spot on the left side and swim straight to a Dive patch surrounded
by currents. Use Dive then the door below you. Go south and you will
crash head on into a rock with weird abrasions on the bottom side. Click
on it and you just might recognize it's Braille (because blind people
are just experts at Pokemon). Well, unless you're good at reading
Braille (as in knowing what the dots mean, not just saying "dot, dot, no
dot, dot..."), you're going to need me and my infinite expertise (you
cheating piece of crap). It says, "GO UP HERE." Well, why the hell not?
Surface up to a weird rocky room.

The many stone tablets contain the alphabet in order, in case you wanted
to figure out these messages yourself (sure, just take away my only
significance in life, why doncha!). The Braille at the top wall tells 
you to "DIG HERE." Alrighty then. Use Dig and say yes to returning to 
the Underwater to make an opening magically appear! Thank you, David 
Copperfield (now if only I could find where he made my elephant dis-
appear to). In the next room, the stones scattered all around convey 
this enthralling soliloquy: "IN THIS CAVE WE HAVE LIVED. WE OWE ALL TO 
THE POKEMON. BUT, WE SEALED THE POKEMON AWAY. WE FEARED IT. THOSE WITH 
COURAGE, THOSE WITH HOPE. OPEN A DOOR. AN ETERNAL POKEMON WAITS." 
Riiiiiiiiight. But check out the important message at the top of the 
room that actually means something. It says, "FIRST COMES WAILORD. LAST 
COMES RELICANTH." You heard the man! Place Wailord on top of your party 
and Relicanth last. Click on the Braille again and the game will shake 
and emit a noise that sounds awfully lot like the truck in the very 
beginning of the game (hooray for stock sound bites!), followed by three 
loud doors opening. Well, that was interesting! Return to the surface.

So what did we just do? Well, on your travels, you may have noticed some
weird rocks circled by little stones all around (with a Ruin Maniac
trainer close by). Well, there are three of them, and you've just creat-
ed an opening in all of them (I believe we have David Blaine to thank
this time). Let's start with the most obvious one: the Route 111 Desert
above Mauville. Go to the southern end and there's the rock door right
in front of you. In here is nothing but more freaking Braille! What the
hell, you damn blind jerks (although the laughs on you because you can't
even read this! Ha, you Ray Charles wannabe mofos!). Verbatim, it says,
"LEFT, LEFT, DOWN, DOWN. THEN, USE ROCK SMASH." Even though they used a
comma splice, do what it says and walk left twice, down twice, and smash
the invisible rock. Do this, and yet another door opens. Here, I highly
suggest you SAVE YOUR GAME! And I don't mean highly suggest as in, "I
highly suggest you wash your hands before dinner," but as in, "I highly
suggest you have that leg amputated before it gets infected and contam-
inates your central nervous system and you die." Yeah, like that. Any-
who, once you have saved (and you better have), enter the door and talk
to the giant thing in the middle of the room. Oh crap, what the hell is
going on?

 ------------------------------------------------------------------
|  REGIROCK Lv40 ATTACKS  |            WHAT WILL IT DO?            |
 ------------------------------------------------------------------
|Superpower               |Tough move, but will lower user's stats |
|Ancientpower             |Rock move that might increase all stats |
|Curse                    |Lowers Speed, but increases Att and Def |
|Rock Throw               |            Okay Rock attack            |
 ------------------------------------------------------------------

Cool music. Anywho, this giant rock lobster is totally pissed at you
for ruining his catnap. First of all, I suggest you send an Electric
Pokemon out, or at least something that has a move which can Paralyze
things. Pokemon are somewhat easier to catch when affected with a status
condition, and Paralysis is the best because it's permanent, it slows
your opponent down, and can't kill it completely. Most Electric attacks
have at least a 30% chance of Paralyzing your foe, plus a few Electric
Pokemon have the ability Static, which can Paralyze it on contact. But
make sure you don't use a powerful enough attack to cause this thing to
faint (its high Special Defense will probably prevent that, but always 
be cautious). Once you get Regirock's HP into the red, just start chuck-
ing Ultra Balls at it. It will most likely escape, but you're waiting 
for that one lucky moment where it becomes secure safe inside that ball. 
If it goes on long enough that you run out of Ultra Balls, start with 
the Timer Balls (they should REALLY be effective if it went on for that
amount of time). If you screw up and make Regirock faint, your own Poke-
mon faint, or consume all of your Balls, just turn off your Game Boy and
try again (that is, if you SAVED!!!). Once you have caught this guy, you
now have a cool Rock Pokemon with high Defense and cool attacks. I would
not go so far as to say to clear a space in your party for this thing,
but Regirock is pretty sweet to show off.

One down, two to go. Restock on your Ball count if you need it, then Fly 
to Petalburg City and travel west to the ocean in Route 104. Start Surf-
ing south and keep to the left side along the rocks. Soon you'll see 
land with weird trees all over it. Dock on it, and walk on over to the 
far left side of it. Begin to Surf north and there's another one of 
those caves. The Braille tells you to "STAY CLOSE TO THE WALL. RUN
AROUND ONE LAP." Well this should be fun. Do what it says and jog in the
circle near the exterior of the room, and (magically, of course), the
door will appear. SAVE AGAIN (!!!), and enter to find a whitish one of
those guys. Here we go again...

 ----------------------------------------------------------------
|  REGICE Lv40 ATTACKS  |            WHAT WILL IT DO?            |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------
|Superpower             |Tough move, but will lower user's stats |
|Ancientpower           |Rock move that might increase all stats |
|Curse                  |Lowers Speed, but increases Att and Def |
|Icy Wind               |            Okay Ice attack             |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------

The plan to capture this dude is basically the same as its rocky bro-
ther: Paralyze it, get HP into the red, throw Balls. Regice's Special
Defense is better than Regirock's, so you might have to do one more Ele-
ctric attack than before. If you manage to catch it, Regice will give
you Special that's through the roof, but not much of anything else.

Last one coming up. Get more items if necessary, and Fly to Lilycove.
Go west all the way through Route 121 to Route 120 where a girl gives
you a random berry. Above her is some stairs, so ascend them and go 
north through tall grass to another set of stairs. Above that is an open
muddy field with a Ruin Maniac and a bunch of rocks. Enter the one with
an opening. This time, the messages says, "THOSE WHO INHERIT OUR WILL,
SHINE IN THE MIDDLE." In other words, walk to the center of the room and
use Flash (damn ancient blind people and their flowery language!). Do it
correctly and the next opening appears. Guess what you should do? If you
said "SAVE", you are one smart cookie (if not, you should receive spec-
ial attention). Walk on through to the other side (*add guitar riff
here*) and begin battle.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------
|  REGISTEEL Lv40 ATTACKS  |            WHAT WILL IT DO?            |
 -------------------------------------------------------------------
|Superpower                |Tough move, but will lower user's stats |
|Ancientpower              |Rock move that might increase all stats |
|Curse                     |Lowers Speed, but increases Att and Def |
|Metal Claw                |           Okay Steel attack            |
 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Registeel has the best stats of the three, so beware both offensively
and defensively. Otherwise, same freaking strategy (look above if you
forgot it already). Like I said before, Registeel is the strongest out
of the trio with Attack and Defense, but the same in regards to Speed
and HP (which sucks, by the way). Congratulations, you are now the mast-
er of Regis! Now go and do your talk show with Kelly Ripa (and make sure
to talk really loud for no reason).


TERRA/MARINE CAVE
-----------------

Here's a chance for you to catch two more legendary Pokemon (both of 
them, believe it or not, you've already met). First of all, replenish
your Balls pocket (hehe) with Ultras and Timers (and maybe some healing
items too). Fly to Fortree City and go left onto Route 119. Follow it
down and enter that Weather Institute place. Go to the second floor and
talk to the nerd...I mean...hard-working meteorological professional on
the left side near the computer (probably playing World or Warcraft).
He will tell you that there is either a drought or heavy rainfall on a
certain route. What does this have to do with anything, you ask? Well,
that's where either Groudon or Kyogre is hiding out (I guess they aren't
that good at keeping their cover). There are four different routes each
Pokemon are residing, which can change each time you exit and re-enter
this building. On those routes, there are two specific areas where a
cave opening can appear, making it a grand total of sixteen locations to
find these guys (I take Calculus, if you can't tell).

I'm going to start with Groudon, just because I like the color red a bit
better than blue. This dude brings a drought with it everywhere it goes,
so check up with the weather guy exactly where it's reeking havoc (leave
then come back if he keeps bringing up rainfall). The four routes where
it could be are 114, 115, 116, and 118, so allow me to disclose where to
look on all of them.

ROUTE 114: 1) Go west from Fallarbor and veer south to a bridge. Get in
              the water to Surf north into a Waterfall. Use the appro-
              priate HM to climb it, then get onto the land to your left
              for a RARE CANDY. The cave entrance should be just above
              it.
           2) If it's not there, get back to the bridge and cross it
              south. Keep going in that direction a few feet more to a
              second section of wild grass. Turn left for some stairs,
              and a cave will be a little west of there.

ROUTE 115: 1) From Rustboro, go north then west to water. Surf all the
              way north until rocks make it impossible to proceed. Look
              right to stairs that lead to a forest-like area. Swerve
              up through the trees and take the first right to stairs.
              A cave just might be in front of you.
           2) Otherwise, go right and use your Mach Bike to travel up
              the slope thinger. Walk a little east and there's a door.

ROUTE 116: 1) Travel east from Rustboro all the way to the entrance to
              Rusturf Tunnel. A little to the right of it is a stair-
              case, where a door may appear a little southeast of it.
           2) If that door is suspiciously missing, enter Rusturf Tunnel
              and go right. When you turn south, keep left and use the
              exit there. In this enclosed section, walk a little right
              to a pair of stairs going upward. East of there is an
              opening.

ROUTE 118: 1) This is the easiest one. Go east from Mauville and a cave
              could be right above you.
           2) If not, it's still not that bad. Surf east across the
              stream and walk below the ledges until you can get above
              them. Cut the tiny tree and beside the berry patch is a
              door.

Once you're actually inside the cave, just go north in between the rocks
to a door. Here in the misty area, SAVE YOUR FREAKING GAME! Alright, now
that that's covered, just follow the path laid out to find your friend
sleeping in a nice pool of hot lava (and I bet he still would like the
temperature to go higher). Walk up to the edge and the battle begins.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------
|  GROUDON Lv70 ATTACKS  |            WHAT WILL IT DO?            |
 -----------------------------------------------------------------
|Fire Blast              |         Very good Fire attack          |
|Solarbeam               |     Best Grass attack in the game      |
|Fissure                 |   Automatic KO if hits; low accuracy   |
|Rest                    | Heals completely; Sleep for two turns  |
 -----------------------------------------------------------------

Holy crap! You do the math: Great stats + Lv70 + three powerful attacks
+ healing move = one freaking tough Pokemon! If you have one, try to
send out a Pokemon with a Water/Grass/Ice attack that isn't Water/Grass/
Ice type (which the chances are pretty good you can't). You see, Groudon
is weak against Water/Grass/Ice, but has attacks that can kill any one
of those types (those jerks at Nintendo thought this one out). Other-
wise, possibly a really good move of another type can do some damage.
Unlike the Regis, you really can't Paralyze this guy because 1) it will
use Rest and get rid of it right away and 2) most moves used to Paralyze
are Electric, and Ground Pokemon are completely resistant to that type.
I know, pisses you off, doesn't it? However, remember that Groudon falls
asleep for two whole turns after using Rest, and while its HP is re-
stored, it's still rather effective when using Balls. It's probably very
very very very very VERY rare, but I caught my Groudon while Sleeping
and HP all the way up. It might have been because I used a Timer Ball
about a hundred turns into it, but it's just something to keep in mind.
Just remember to play defense while chucking Ultra Balls at it by using
items as well. If you're lazy and cheap, you can just use that Master
Ball you got from Aqua's Hideout (if you still have it). When you get
lucky enough to catch this thing, you've got a sweet Ground Pokemon with
high Attack, Defense, and Speed (as if you didn't figure that out when
battling).

Now for the other guy. Speak to the weather checker at the Institute and
he'll tell you about heavy rainfall on Route 105, 125, 127, or 129. Ky-
ogre is a little harder to find because you have to look for a Dive
patch while Surfing on the open seas. The ones on Routes 127 and 129 are
nearly impossible for me to explain because they're in the middle of no-
where in that vast ocean in East Hoenn (plus two of them even require 
you to Dive to a subsequent Dive point!). I suggest you exit and re-
enter the Weather Institute until he says rain is on either Route 105 or 
Route 125 (they are much easier to find).

ROUTE 105: 1) Go west from Petalburg and Surf south on the water here.
              Remember that sandy island with the weird trees you had to
              stop by to get Regice? The Dive patch is to the right of
              it.
           2) If not, get on the island and sail west of it. Go the way
              to Regice's chamber (or former chamber, if you caught it)
              and you can Dive just below it.

ROUTE 125: 1) Fly to Mossdeep and find where you can Surf northward. In
              this short route, travel to the far northwest corner and
              you just might see a place to Dive.
           2) Otherwise, travel east to the other side of the route.
              On one small island contains two trainers who keep bumping
              into each other like idiots. Dive to the right of them.

In the underwater, go south to the door, surface in the next room, and
swim north to another entrance. Do you know what the mist here is tell-
ing you? I believe it's saying, "SAVE YOUR GAME!" (or maybe that's,
"CHANGE YOUR UNDERWEAR!" I can't tell). After saving, go south to a 
giant freaking fish in the water. Get your Electric guy on top and step
up to start something.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------
|  KYOGRE Lv70 ATTACKS  |            WHAT WILL IT DO?            |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------
|Hydro Pump             |     Best Water attack in the game      |
|Double-Edge            |     Strong Normal move; hurts user     |
|Sheer Cold             |   Automatic KO if hits; low accuracy   |
|Rest                   | Heals completely; Sleep for two turns  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------

Kyorge is a tad easier to catch than Groudon, but that really isn't say-
ing much. Even though it has high Special Defense and can use Rest, Ele-
ctocuting it is the very best way to go (and hope for Paralysis). Try to
get its HP into the red, but there's a major glitch that Kyorge will try
if it's desperate: Double-Edge hurts it 1/3 of the damage it gave to
you, which might be enough for it to kill itself if HP is too low. Ouch!
Just keep throwing attacks and Ultra/Timer Balls at it and maybe you'll
get lucky (if not, just restart if you screw up). Stats wise, Kyorge is
similar to Groudon except that it excels in Special Attack, while its
rival shines in plain old regular Attack (both corresponding to their
types). Now, just hope they get along now that they're together in your
possession (or else you're turning this car around, mister)!


SKY PILLAR, REVISITED
---------------------

While I like red a tiny bit better than blue, I love green most of all,
so let's go get that sucka (aka: the thing on the cover of your game).
Get your ass to Pacifidog somehow (might I suggest Flying there?) and
start Surfing east. The path to the Sky Pillar will appear right above
you, so take it and enter this thing once again. Here are the Pokemon
you may find running around here, if you forgot:

 --------------------------------
|  SKY PILLAR (F1-F3)  | % RATES |
 --------------------------------
|Banette               |   35%   |
|Claydol               |   40%   |
|Golbat                |   10%   |
|Sableye               |   15%   |
 --------------------------------
|    SKY PILLAR (F5)   | % RATES |
 --------------------------------
|Altaria               |    4%   |
|Banette               |   36%   |
|Claydol               |   40%   |
|Golbat                |    8%   |
|Sableye               |   12%   |
 --------------------------------

Go up and around to the actual building and find the stairs on the first
floor. Get ready to use your Mach Bike here. Cycle over the crumbly
ground here right below you all the way to the bottom. Turn left and
ride as fast as you can to the southwest corner. Now it's a little
tricky. Stay to the wall, and bike up and right at the rocks in one
fluent motion (it took me a while to get it, so don't get frustrated and
start throwing things). Do that and you'll have a clear path to the
third story. Here, just go around and through the next staircase.

This floor's an itch with a capital B. Ride your bikey south over the
first set of clumbly floors then STOP! For the next crap on the south
side, you must start from the rock laying against the eastern wall. Now
very quickly (with no pause in between), go south and turn left on the
row right above the very bottom, then veer south once you cross the mid-
way point without hitting the wall, and continue west to the corner. 
This is the toughest part, so take comfort in the fact that it took the 
ultimate Pokemon master (aka: me) about twenty minutes the very first 
time to figure this out. After you got that done, stand on the second
spot from the left wall and ride straight up nonstop (I would suggest
you save you game so you don't have to do all that over again in case
you screw up here). Northeast of you are four crumbly parts, two in the
very middle. Ride your bike past the first one, then quickly hit up or
down once over the next two. If you did it right, you'll find on the
third floor right below a door. Take it, then the next one to your left.
Here's the fifth and final floor, which only involves you walking count-
erclockwise to a door. SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE!!! Just pre-
tend I set that to music, okay? Put an Electric or Ice guy ahead of your
team and let it begin.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|  RAYQUAZA Lv70 ATTACKS  |              WHAT WILL IT DO?              |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|Outrage                  |Good Dragon move; user Confused in 2-3 turns|
|Fly                      |    Decent Flying move; takes two turns     |
|Extremespeed             |  Just a stronger version of Quick Attack   |
|Rest                     |   Heals completely; Sleep for two turns    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's the grand-daddy of them all. Rayquaza is of the Dragon/Flying
variety, so a good Ice attack will bring its HP down quite a bit (hope-
fully not enough to kill it). However, I still suggest using good old
Electric attacks in order to immobilize it with Paralysis. Defensively,
none of his moves are really THAT great (Outrage is okay, but it's no
Fire Blast or Hydro Pump), and it doesn't have a one-hit-KO move either.
Once again, throw Ultra/Timer Balls until it's caught, and you'll get a
strong speedy guy that can learn pretty much any TM. Make sure to show
it off to your invisible friends (since you have no other ones).


FOSSILS & STONES
----------------

Just one more thing to do before I'll let you go on with the game. I
highly suggest your dudes are past Lv60 by this point, and that you
carry around a ton of healing items in that stylish bag of yours. Once
all set, Fly to Fallarbor and walk left to Route 114. First, stop by the
Fossil Maniac's house and go through the crappy door. Travel down the
long hallway, past the delusional Fossil Maniac, and into a cave within
a cave (what will they think of next?). Welcome to the Desert Underpass!

 ------------------------------
|  DESERT UNDERPASS  | % RATES |
 ------------------------------
|Ditto               |   50%   |
|Loudred             |   15%   |
|Whismur             |   35%   |
 ------------------------------

Ditto's an interesting character. Its only move is Transform, which
copies the opponent's type, moves, and look completely! Weeeeeirrrrrd!
Unfortunately, it can't copy stats, which sucks because Ditto's aren't
that good. The only good use for Ditto happens to be is in the sack. 
Wait, what? That's right, Ditto has the ability to mate with most every 
Pokemon possible, including gender-less ones like Magnemite and Grimer. 
Don't ask me how exactly that's feasible, you sick pervert, just know it 
is (but legendaries like the Regis, Groudon, Kyorge, Rayquaza, Latias, 
and Latios can't breed).

This place is cake; just go up a little, then right as far as possible
until you find a weird stone. Click on it, and you'll discover it's the
second fossil that sunk into the ground in Mirage Tower (either the CLAW
FOSSIL or ROOT FOSSIL). Go over to Rustboro and get it revived at the
Devon Corp. when you get a chance.

Get back on Route 114 and go west. If you didn't get that RARE CANDY up
the waterfall here before, make sure you snatch it (it will surely come
in handy right about now). Now go all the way down and enter Meteor
Falls. Travel west across the bridge till where you can get in the water
above you. Use Waterfall on that thing north or you, and Surf up to the
land with a door. Enter it, and you'll arrive in a different part of
this cave.

 ---------------------------------
|  METEOR FALLS (BACK)  | % RATES |
 ---------------------------------
|Golbat                 |   75%   |
|Solrock                |   25%   |
 ---------------------------------
|  METEOR FALLS (ROOM)  | % RATES |
 ---------------------------------
|Bagon                  |   20%   |
|Golbat                 |   60%   |
|Solrock                |   20%   |
 ---------------------------------

Walk up and to the right for a downward ladder. Traverse southwest to a
platform with a ladder going up for TM23 (Iron Tail; a lot like Steel
Wing, only Iron Tail). Now enter the door above you. Go up the right
side and eventually you'll see a guy staring at the wall. Before you
talk to him, get a Fire or Electric type on top of your party and SAVE
THE FREAKING GAME! Sorry, but I feel people understand me better when I
shout at them (if they ever understand me at all). When ready, talk to
him, and brace yourself.

 ------------------------------------------------------
|   STEVEN'S POKEMON   | LV |       WEAK AGAINST       |
 ------------------------------------------------------
|Skarmory              | 77 |      Fire/Electric       |
|Claydol               | 76 |   Water/Grass/Ice/Dark   |
|Aggron                | 76 |  FIGHTING/GROUND/Water   |
|Armaldo               | 76 |     Water/Rock/Steel     |
|Cradily               | 76 |    ICE/Fighting/Steel    |
|Metagross             | 78 |       Fire/Ground        |
 ------------------------------------------------------

Oh crapshait! First of all, I never knew the Space Center was in Sooto-
polis (for some reason, Mossdeep rings a bell). Anyway, though he can't
remember where important landmarks are, he sure can raise Pokemon! Skar-
mory is not too tough with a Fire/Electric dude. The worst it can do is
use Spikes, which will hurt any switching Pokemon on your team for the
rest of the battle (it's not much, but enough). Claydol's annoying be-
cause it already has high regular/Special Defense, but will use Reflect
and Light Screen to up it some more. I say kill it with strong Water/
Grass/Ice moves, but look out for Earthquake! Aggron is pretty &%$#ing
tough because of its high Defense and moves (Thunder, Dragon Claw,
Earthquake, and Solarbeam all in one dude). It's double weak against
Ground, but Ground is weak against Solarbeam. If you happen to have a
Camerupt, that Pokemon is perfect for this fight. Otherwise, try a
strong Fighter to punch it out in one or two blows. Armaldo also has a
good arsenal of moves (Water Pulse, Aerial Ace, Slash, and Ancient-
power). Your best best is Water, so keep using Surf until it's done
with. Cradily is super-weak against Ice, but its Ancientpower could make
quick work of it (and if you only have a Water-type with an Ice attack,
there's still Giga Drain). To make matters worse, it contains a move
called Ingrain, which will replenish 1/16 of its total HP (it can add up
after a while if you don't keep attacking). Once again, there's always
Fighting. And finally, Metagross. This thing is "grossly" powerful in
practically every aspect, especially moves (Psychic, Meteor Mash, Earth-
quake, and Shadow Ball). A good Pokemon with Earthquake of its own is
your go-to-guy here, but keep an eye out for Meteor Mash (a wicked Steel
attack that produces one-hit-wonders against defensively weak stuff). If
you manage to pull off the victory, you really don't get anything but
the satisfaction of beating the toughest trainer in the game (it almost
seems like it wasn't worth it).

Let's continue exploring Meteor Falls. Return to the ladder back to the
basement and go north from that spot to another ladder. Walk right to 
fight some old people (piece of cake after Steven), then up to a Dragon
Tamer. Below you are weird liquidy ledges. Keep left and hop down them
to a ladder. Go south and get in the water. Seft upward to a room that
contains only a lake and TM02! This is Dragon Claw, a sweet Dragon move
that a few non-Dragon Pokemon can learn (also this is the only room to
get the rare Dragon Bagon, if you're interested). Exit and swim down to
the right side to a way out. In here you get just a PP UP.

Exit Meteor Falls and Fly to Mossdeep (where apparently the Space Center
is no longer located). Enter Steven's house and pick up the Pokeball
sitting on his table for a Beldum! This Steel/Psychic guy can only learn
Take Down at first, but gets a lot better as it evolves (if you don't
believe me, it eventually turns into that Metagross guy Steven carries
around).


S.S. TIDAL
----------

Remember when your dad gave you that ticket for a boat ride a while
back? Yeah, me neither (I guess we're terrible ungrateful children).
Well, you're still carrying it around with you, so how about you use it.
Go to Slateport and enter the Harbor (aren't you glad I didn't say "go
north to the Trick Master"?). If you speak to Capt. Stern, you'll dis-
cover that the ferry is now up and running (finally!!!). So go ahead and
use that ticket your dear old dad got you and get on that boat. After
hearing a bunch of crap from Scott, go around and explore this tiny
area. In the cabins are a few trainers to pulverize into oblivion, along
with some guy who gives you TM49! Snatch will prevent your foe from up-
ing stats or restoring HP and gives it to you. Handy thing. Also, look
who's the captain of this vessel: it's the old bald guy from like twenty
years ago! Make sure to visit the basement, for some LEFTOVERS are hid-
ing in a trash can down there (that can't be sanitary). When held, Left-
overs will replenish a little HP every turn. Yet another handy thing.

You'll officially arrive at your destination (Lilycove) when you go to
your room (Cabin #2) and take a nap (click on the bed). Once you do, get
off the boat, then immediately get back on and say you want to go to the
Battle Frontier this time. After a scene where the pretty little boat
sails away, you'll disembark at the final leg of your Hoenn adventure.


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                               |                      |
|                  Chapter Twelve:              |                      |
|                THE BATTLE FRONTIER            |  pinkeye medication  |
|                                               |                      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


EXPLAINING & EXPLORING THE FRONTIER
-----------------------------------

Once you're off the boat, go right and up into the building. The woman
will stop you and give you your own FRONTIER PASS! Soon, you'll discover
the owner of this place (you'd think with all the dough he's raking in,
he could buy a snappier outfit). Alright, so what's this all about? Well
this is basically a giant amusement park for Pokemon trainers, only in-
stead of ferris wheels and other dangerous uninsurable rides, you get to
partake in different kind of battles (taxpayers' money at work). There
are seven different types of events here, some of them you might just be
familiar with from the past. Allow me to go over the basic guidelines
that applies for all of them (after all, that's what you're paying me
for...or not).

First of all, there are seven buildings, each holding its own special
kind of fight: Battle Tower, Battle Dome, Battle Palace, Battle Arena,
Battle Factory, Battle Pike, and Battle Pyramid. I'll go over specifics
in their own separate sections, but there are a few things you need to
know in order to follow the rules completely (you don't want to be like
the government, do you?). There are two levels of play: Lv50 and Open
Level. In Lv50, you have to be that level or under to participate (which
I doubt, because you certainly have to be over that to beat the Elite
Four). Open Level, of course, is open to all levels (thus the name),
with your opponents equaling your highest dude (but will at least be
Lv60, which shouldn't be a problem cause you should be over that with
all the stupid crap we've been doing). Most Pokemon are eligible, but
legendaries are not permitted to join in on the festivities. Also, you
must have all different Pokemon with you, and they all must be holding
different items. Hold items are pretty important, seeing as how you're
not allowed to go into your bag during battle (well, doesn't that blow
chunks?).

Now for some good news. If you are successful at your event, you'll be
awarded Battle Points. They are just tokens you can use here to buy some
special one-of-a-kind items/moves. Also, if you dominate one of the
Battle Buildings, you can go up against the Frontier Brain and win your-
self a Symbol (which is curiously similar to Gym Leaders and Badges).
That's the gist of everything; I'll take you around to every area a
little later. For now, let's just explore the Frontier as a whole to see
what it has to offer (hopefully there will be free ice cream!).

Walk up through the arches and turn right. Eventually you'll hit a Poke-
mart. Although regular items are useless in this place, it does contain
some good stuff to sell. Right of that is the Pokemon Center, and I cer-
tainly hope you know what that's for by now! Go northwest from there to
find a narrow path upwards. This huge scary-ass snake is actually the
Battle Pike; just remember where this is for now. Return to the Center
and go east and south as far as possible. You'll pass the Battle Palace
if you do so (with a nice nineteenth century Victorian feel to it), and
directly above that is the Battle Arena (which is, if I'm not mistaken,
early Edo-period Japan). Take the path between the two east and north.
Now you're in Saharan Egypt (what is this, freaking Epcot?)! Actually,
you're in front of the Battle Pyramid, so keep it in mind. Walk up the
left side and down those stairs. The building west of you is the Ranking
Hall, in case you're looking to feel good about yourself one day and
stare at your own records. Travel southwest and continue straight left
now to the Exchange Service Center, where you can cash in your Battle
Points for prizes (once you get them). Most of them are stupid decor-
ations and vitamins, but one clerk has good Hold Items that will esp-
ecially come in handy in this place.

 ------------------------------------------------------------------
|        ITEM        | BP |            WHAT WILL IT DO?            |
 ------------------------------------------------------------------
|Leftovers           | 48 |      Recovers 1/16 HP every turn       |
|White Herb          | 48 |     Prevents stats from decreasing     |
|Quick Claw          | 48 |  Sometimes allows you to attack first  |
|Mental Herb         | 48 |          Prevents attraction           |
|Brightpowder        | 64 |       Lowers opponent's accuracy       |
|Choice Band         | 64 | Boosts one move, but only use that one |
|King's Rock         | 64 | Sometimes opponent flinches after move |
|Focus Band          | 64 |      Sometimes prevents fainting       |
|Scope Lens          | 64 |    Increases chance of Critical Hit    |
 ------------------------------------------------------------------

Ascend the stairs on your right to a huge-ass building (aptly named the
Battle Tower). Go left, up, and left and enter the house above you. In
here, Scott will tell you his life story and award you 2 BATTLE POINTS!
Isn't that nice of him (not really). Leave and run left to the Battle
Dome (ah...domey). Go straight south from there all the way down to
those arches at the beginning. Now turn left and you'll meet the Battle
Factory. Now return to the stairs before the Battle Dome and go west
from there. In the house on the far left side contains bickering old
ladies (you could just watch The Golden Girls if you really interested
in that...not that I would know). Actually, they are Move Tutors who can
teach your dudes pretty cool moves...for a price.

 --------------------------------------------------------------------
|  LEFT OLD LADY   | BP |              WHAT WILL IT DO?              |
 --------------------------------------------------------------------
|Softboiled        | 16 |  Recovered 1/2 HP; only Chansey can learn  |
|Seismic Toss      | 24 |       Damage varies on level of user       |
|Dream Eater       | 24 |Only works when foe asleep; takes 1/2 damage|
|Mega Punch        | 24 |   Strong, yet inaccurate, Normal attack    |
|Mega Kick         | 24 |Stronger, yet more inaccurate, Normal attack|
|Body Slam         | 48 | Strong Normal move; 30% chance of Paralyze |
|Rock Slide        | 48 |   Okay Rock attack; may cause flinching    |
|Counter           | 48 | Damages 2x the HP of physical attack used  |
|Thunder Wave      | 48 |          Just Paralyzes opponent           |
|Swords Dance      | 48 |         Greatly raises your Attack         |
 --------------------------------------------------------------------
|  RIGHT OLD LADY  | BP |              WHAT WILL IT DO?              |
 --------------------------------------------------------------------
|Defense Curl      | 16 |       Increases Defense...that's it        |
|Snore             | 24 |Works when user asleep; may cause flinching |
|Mud Slap          | 24 |  Weak Ground move; lowers foe's accuracy   |
|Swift             | 24 |       Okay Normal move; never misses       |
|Icy Wind          | 24 |   Okay Ice attack; may lower foe's Speed   |
|Endure            | 48 |       Guarantees survival after turn       |
|Psych Up          | 48 |     Copies opponent's stat increasers      |
|Ice Punch         | 48 |     Good Ice move; 10% of Freezing foe     |
|Thunderpunch      | 48 | Good Electric move; 10% of Paralyzing foe  |
|Fire Punch        | 48 |     Good Fire move; 10% of Burning foe     |
 --------------------------------------------------------------------

And there you have it. Before we get to battling, there's just one more
point of interest I want you to check out. Go all the way to the Battle
Arena and walk to the "wall". Travel south through the skinny path with
the old lady on it all the way to a funny-looking tree. Gold/Silver/
Crystal players, I hope you realize what this thing is (as for the n00bs
out there, stop sucking your thumb and I'll help you out). First, save
your game. Next, select your Wailmer Pail and use it on this thingy
here. Suddenly, it will attack! Ah! This is actually the pure Rock Poke-
mon, Sudowoodo! This is the only place to get one, so don't screw up if
you're looking to get that Pokedex done. Once that's over, get into the
lake here and Surf down the waterfall. Swim west all the way, then north
at the end to an opening. Welcome to the Artisan Cave. This is only here
so you can catch one Pokemon: Smeargle. This guy only knows Sketch, but
the move allows it to copy a move PERMANENTLY! Don't worry, it gets a
new Sketch every ten levels, but I wouldn't actually use it (just catch
it to fill your Dex, homeboy). Explore this all the way to the northeast
ladder. Go down, right, and up for a CARBOS, then back south to exit the
cave. Miraculously, you'll end up just west of the Ranking Hall (you
just do; don't ask questions).


A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM (OR WHATEVER YOU CALL THEM)
-------------------------------------------------

Alright, I'll be straight with you: the Battle Frontier has to be one of
the hardest additions Pokemon has ever done. Believe it or not, it took
me (who is a lazy jerk that sits on a couch and wastes his life away
doing this kind of crap) nearly a year to figure out all the little
components in order to beat it completely. You need to pretty much have
the perfect Pokemon that can answer to any kind of situation at anytime,
no matter how bleak it may seem. First of all, hold items can be the
difference between getting the snot beat out of you, and doing the "Hey
I just beat the snot out of a guy at the Battle Frontier" dance. There
are a lot of good ones to choose from, so I hope you put them to good
use. The best ones (in my opinion) are HP-replenishers (like Leftovers
and Shell Bells), stat-keepers (like White Herbs and Lum Berries), opp-
onent-screwer-upers (like Brightpowder and King's Rocks), and espec-
ially life-savers (like the almighty Focus Band). I cannot stress how 
many times a battle was been won or lost for me just because of a hold 
item.

In order to go anywhere, you need the right Pokemon for the situation.
The very best dudes to choose from can learn a variety of moves and have
a type (or type-combo) that is resistant to many other attacks. Probably
the best to pick is a Fighting type, because usually they are rather
versatile when it comes to moves (especially with the element punches
you can purchase from the Move Tutors here), and it only has two weak-
nesses. Also, many of the types used rather profusely here are vulner-
able to Fighting, such as Ice, Rock, Steel, and most notably: Normal.
At least have something with a Fighting move, like Brick Break (not Rock
Smash). Depending on your style of play, choose the Pokemon and moves
that suit you (although I will tell you that an all-offensive strategy
usually doesn't work here).

Just one more thing to warn you about. There is one Pokemon that likes
to pop up as the difficulty increases; one I like to call "the biznatch
of the Frontier": Wobbuffet. For the most part, Wobbuffet will only use
two moves: Counter and Mirror Coat. Counter takes the damage it received
from a Physical attack and returns it back to you double as much. Mirror
Coat is the same, only it works with Special moves. Of course, this can
prove costly, especially when it takes so many hits to kill this thing
thanks to its high HP score. However, I have a good strategy to ensure
this stupid jerk's downfall. Have one of your Pokemon learn Toxic, then
just Poison the thing. Toxic is not considered neither a Physical nor
Special attack, because it's really not an attack to begin with (hooray 
for loopholes!). Wobbuffet cannot do crap to retaliate as it slowly dies 
turn by turn. This gameplan won't work in every stage (like the Battle 
Arena or Factory), but it's pretty effective all around.

Now put your battle boots on (sneakers are fine as well), and let's get
ready to kick some Battle Frontier ass (hopefully)!


BATTLE TOWER
------------

In the Ruby/Sapphire games, the Battle Tower was the only thing here.
Now, thanks to reinforced zoning laws and a new sewer system, the Fron-
iter was able to expand just a bit. But the concept of this place is the
same and, in turn, the most basic out of the seven buildings. Depending
on which type of battle you choose, you pick a certain number of Pokemon
from your party to compete. From there, it's just a normal battle (with-
out reaching for items, of course). To complete the challenge, just beat
seven trainers in a row, while healing in between. There are four stages
to choose from:

* SINGLE BATTLE: Pick three Pokemon from your party, and just battle.
* DOUBLE BATTLE: Pick four Pokemon from your party, and just double 
  battle.
* MULTI-BATTLE: Pick two Pokemon from your party, and then choose a 
  computer controlled trainer to team up with. From there, it's similar 
  to that battle you had with Steven in the Mossdeep Space Station.
* LINK MULTI-BATTLE: Attach your Wireless Adaptor to your GBA and pick 
  two Pokemon from your party. Now you can double up with your friends   
  and battle (no, not your imaginary friends).

Pretty much the only one that counts for anything is the single battle
mode, so I'd keep to that. The more times you win, the harder and harder
your opponents get. For some reason, my winning streak stops at twenty-
two a lot, so look out for that twenty-third guy. Make sure when you're
choosing your team of three (or whatever) that your top dude has a bunch
of resistances, because that will be the first guy out in all seven
battles. Also, keep in mind that they won't give you the option to
switch out in the middle of battle; you'll have to waste a turn to do
that. If you manage to win 34 consecutive battles, you have a chance to
take on the Battle Tower Frontier Brain!

 -------------------------------------------------
|   ANABEL'S POKEMON   |       WEAK AGAINST       |
 -------------------------------------------------
|Alakazam              |        Dark/Ghost        |
|Entei                 |    Water/Ground/Rock     |
|Snorlax               |         Fighting         |
 -------------------------------------------------

Alakazam does not have a Psychic attack, but it does have the three ele-
mental punches (nothing like a little variety). If you just happen to
have a Pokemon that isn't weak against either Ice, Electric, or Fire,
but has a Dark or Ghost move (or just a very good attack of another
type), freaking use it! Remember that Alakazam has low Defense, so
Fighting actually isn't a bad choice against it. You probably already 
met someone with an Entei at Trainer Hill (I thought legendary meant 
there was only one of them)! Its only real attack to look out for is
Fire Blast, so nothing weak against that out there and you just might
make it (though it may Roar your dude off to get the matchup it wants).
And then the powerhouse Snorlax. It will probably start things off with
Belly Drum. It will take away half of its HP (which at first sounds like
a good thing), but it also raises its Attack score as high as humanly
possible. At that point, Body Slam is practically a one-hit-KO (even to
Rock and Steel types). If you think you're clever by sending out a Ghost
Pokemon (like I did), it has Shadow Ball to beat you with. Here, just
attack and pray that you're able to hang on to watch it die (might I
suggest a status condition?). Once (or if) you win, you'll receive the
SILVER ABILITY SYMBOL! Now if you can continue your Tower winning until
69 battles, you have a chance to fight for the Gold one.

 -------------------------------------------------
|   ANABEL'S POKEMON   |       WEAK AGAINST       |
 -------------------------------------------------
|Raikou                |          Ground          |
|Latios                |Ice/Ghost/Dark/Dragon/Bug |
|Snorlax               |         Fighting         |
 -------------------------------------------------

Well, I honestly believe that this is just a tad easier than your last
battle with the Salon Maiden (whatever the hell that means). Raikou
likes to play defensively with Calm Mind, Reflect, and Rest. However,
it doesn't have anything that can beat a Ground type, so you can actu-
ally kill it with just Mud Slap if you wanted to take the time (although
I do suggest Earthquake). Latios means business with Psychic and Dragon
Claw (plus Calm Mind to boost their power). Just bring out a Pokemon 
with one of the obscure types it's weak against and hope it's enough to
beat it. And Snorlax returns (or at least an easier version of him)! It
loses the Belly Drum/Body Slam combo that made it so deadly last time
for a whimpier strategy (if it has one at all anymore). It will use
Curse, which will lower its already-low Speed and raise Attack and De-
fense. If its HP gets low, or gains a status condition, it will Rest it
away (and recover the first time with a Chesto Berry). The only two act-
ual moves it has are Return and Shadow Ball, and unless your weak again-
st them, they really won't do much. I say get a Fighter out there and
hope it can outlast this behemoth to win the GOLD ABILITY SYMBOL.


BATTLE DOME
-----------

No, not the unsuccessful American Gladiators copy that ran on UPN for
like three months. Anywho, this place is pretty much as basic as the
Tower (if anything, it's a lot quicker). You can choose between single
or double battle, but I suggest keeping to single. Pick your three fav-
orite Pokemon from your party (c'mon, I know you have favorites!), and
you'll enter into a sixteen-team tournament. Oh yeah, March Madness,
baby (or whatever month it is). You can see where you're ranked on the
tourney tree (probably first for the beginning few challenges, because
you're sooooooooooooo good). To start it up, check out what Pokemon your
next opponent has. From that, choose two from your three that you
believe has the best matchup for winning (your adversary will do the
same). From there, just battle like usual. Win four in a row and you'll
be awarded with a championship! Of course, your foes get harder the more
you win, so make sure you make good choices on who to send out (it's not
like you're oblivious to what he/she has...unless you're drunk or some-
thing). After you win four championships, the final match of your fifth
challenge will be against the Frontier Brain.

 -------------------------------------------------
|   TUCKER'S POKEMON   |       WEAK AGAINST       |
 -------------------------------------------------
|Charizard             |   ROCK/Water/Electric    |
|Swampert              |          GRASS           |
|Salamence             |     ICE/Rock/Dragon      |
 -------------------------------------------------

Let's prove to this show-offy fruit how we roll! Remember, he only has
two of these guys, so it's not like he cheats or whatever. Charizard is
jacked-up with Overheat, Rock Slide, Aerial Ace, and Earthquake. I
suggest sticking to a good Water type, mainly because everything else is
weak against one of his attacks. Swampert's easily killable with Grass,
right? As long as your Grass doesn't die from Ice Beam! It also has
Earthquake and Counter to piss you off. Once again, Water is a good idea
since it does normal damage thanks to its half-Ground-ness. And then
look out for Dragon/Flying Salamence. Like his buddies, Earthquake is
his forte, but of course has some other cool moves as well. It's double
weak against Ice, but try sending out an actual Ice Pokemon...say hello
to Brick Break! Once again, try sending out a Water dude, this time with
an Ice attack. Keep in mind that his dudes are pretty fast, and might
just kill you before you're able to brace yourself (there's some words
of encouragement for you). If you're able to beat this Michael Jackson
wannabe, congrats, you are given the SILVER TACTICS SYMBOL. Win nine
championships, and Tucker will return in the tenth.

 -------------------------------------------------
|   TUCKER'S POKEMON   |       WEAK AGAINST       |
 -------------------------------------------------
|Latias                |Ice/Ghost/Dark/Dragon/Bug |
|Swampert              |          GRASS           |
|Metagross             |       Fire/Ground        |
 -------------------------------------------------

Like Anabel, this second battle is a little less painful. Latias has
good moves like Thunderbolt and Psychic, but really nothing anything on
that Weak Against list should worry about. Find a way to kill it quickly
(despite Rest) and move on. Swampert comes back with pretty much the
same moves (only except Counter, he now has Mirror Coat). Find the way
you beat it last time and do the same (although be weary if you're using
a Special move). Remember Steven's Metagross? Well, I think Tucker barr-
owed it from him, because it has the same moves. The best route to take
is a Ground dude with Earthquake that can take a hit (because Meteor
Mash is one hell of a hit)! Don't try Fire unless it flies, because he 
has an Earthquake technique of his own. You would have a much easier 
time if Metagross was the one conveniently left out, but unless you like 
win the lottery every week, that might not happen. Hang in there to get 
the GOLD TACTICS SYMBOL.


BATTLE PALACE
-------------

The next three buildings you might already be familiar with. The Battle
Palace has the same concept as the Battle Tent in Verdanturf, so allow
me to just copy and paste right from there: 

It's a normal battle all around, except you don't pick your Pokemon's 
moves. Wha?!?! That's right, your Pokemon gets to think for itself and 
do whatever move it wants to against your foe without you breathing down 
its neck every two seconds. Freedom! However, your dudes aren't comp-
letely retarded. The moves it chooses to use are based on two compon-
ents: 1) Past experiences. If you used a Grass attack on a Water Pokemon 
before, your guy will remember that and continue to use that strategy. 
Sure, sometimes it will forget and use Thunderbolt on a Ground-type, but 
the more you teach it, the smarter it becomes. And 2) A Pokemon's Nat-
ure. You may have noticed in your dude's stat sheet a little section 
where it says whether it is Brave, Timid, Naive, Relaxed, Horny (well, 
maybe not that last one). Well, those stupid little moods will decide 
what sort of attack it likes to use on its own. If your extremely impat-
ient like I am, this thing might just give you a brain aneurysm. Some-
times it will do a terrible move, and other times it'll forget to attack 
at all! However, the more love you put into your Pokemon (and all that 
other bullcrap), the easier this is.

Well, that was easy for me to explain (hooray for laziness)! There is
one more thing I should say to make this a little easier. The tiny old
rest house left of the Palace contains a little girl who will tell you
what your Pokemon is thinking. Unlike those stupid pet psychic shows on
the Discovery Channel, this is real and not a scam. She will tell you
what your Pokemon likes to do regularly and when it has "ouches" (low
HP). The three ways your Pokemon act are:

...TO BATTLE = uses offensive moves
...TO BE SNEAKY = uses status-changing moves
...LOOKS AFTER ITSELF = uses HP-recovering moves

This will dictate what your Pokemon will do naturally in the Battle Pal-
ace. It's up to you to make sure you have the type advantage and not do
anything stupid that you can control. After twenty straight wins, the
Palace Maven comes to visit you.

 --------------------------------------------------
|   SPENSER'S POKEMON   |       WEAK AGAINST       |
 --------------------------------------------------
|Crobat                 |Psychic/Electric/Ice/Rock |
|Slaking                |         Fighting         |
|Lapras                 |  Electric/Fighting/Rock  |
 --------------------------------------------------

I swear, this guy cheats and chooses his moves! His Pokemon always do
the right thing at the right time that leads me to believe he's running
the show. Well, you're just going to have to show Gimpy here that you
can beat him even when following the rules (unless you can hack into the
game and change the battle around, you cheating piece of crap). Crobat
doesn't have much in the way of attacks, but it sure as hell pisses me
off with what it does have: Confuse Ray, Double Team, Toxic, and Fly.
It's hard enough for your guys to attack to begin with, but this thing
amplifies that tenfold. Just cross your fingers and hope your Pokemon 
are smart enough to just get in one or two good hits to kill this thing.
Slaking has some tough moves that are strengthened by his Scope Lens (a
hold item that increases the chance of a Critical Hit). However, it can
only attack every other turn, and it may have just been me, but it be-
comes incapable of using its power when it actually can (lady luck
smiled on me for once)! Hopefully she'll turn her do-able self towards
you as well in this part of the battle. Lapras really isn't that bad if
you have the right guy out there. Protect and Confuse Ray are annoying,
but seriously look out for Horn Drill. It only hits 30% of the time, but
your dude it automatically dead if it does. Once you win, you get the
SILVER SPIRITS SYMBOL (that's a tongue twister). Get up to 41 victories
in the Palace, and here we go again.

 --------------------------------------------------
|   SPENSER'S POKEMON   |       WEAK AGAINST       |
 --------------------------------------------------
|Arcanine               |    Water/Rock/Ground     |
|Slaking                |         Fighting         |
|Suicune                |      Electric/Grass      |
 --------------------------------------------------

For Arcanine, just start off with a Water type. All it really has is
Overheat, which will do a lot, but hopefully not enough in "Not Very
Effective" mode (plus Extremespeed isn't that powerful to begin with).
Slaking has some new moves, including the best Normal attack in the his-
tory of Pokemon: Hyper Beam. Otherwise, use the same strategy you used
to kill it the first time around. Suicine is rather dangerous with a few
moves to make you flinch (plus a King's Rock to aid it). Though it's
weak against Grass, don't put it out there unless you like a Blizzard
to hit you. Electric is the way to go, though it may take a few hits to
bring him down (something you might not be able to afford in this stupid
place). Once again, luck plays an important role here, and if she's
with you, Spenser will relinquish the GOLD SPIRITS SYMBOL. Congratula-
tions on beating up an old dude!


BATTLE ARENA
------------

Once again, you've probably done this before (does the Fallarbor Battle
Tent ring a bell?), so allow me to cheat in my duties some more.

The rules are pretty simple (even for me): you are not allowed to switch 
out your Pokemon until it faints, and you must defeat your opponent's 
Pokemon in three turns. Just battle like you normally would, and if you 
don't KO your foe in three mo's, then prepare for the judging-O. This
is based on three categories: Mind, Skill, and Body. Mind is based on
exactly how offensive your Pokemon was. If you use a defensive move like
Harden or Double Team, that is looked down upon and you lose some Mind
points. Skill is based on how you used your Pokemon's moves. If you did
an attack that was Super Effective against your opponent, you gain Skill
points (and of course you lose them if it's Not Very Effective). Body is
just based on which Pokemon has the most HP after the three turns are
up. Whoever gains more points from the judging wins, and the other is
forced to faint. Ouch! Also, if the Pokemon happen to tie in the dec-
ison, both of them will faint and nobody wins that matchup.

That's really it. Just remember to use strong offensive moves and don't
do anything stupid (like you usually do). After 27 straight wins, pre-
pare for a Brain battle.

 --------------------------------------------------
|   GRETA'S POKEMON   |        WEAK AGAINST        |
 --------------------------------------------------
|Heracross            |    FLYING/Fire/Psychic     |
|Umbreon              |        Fighting/Bug        |
|Shedinja             |Fire/Dark/Ghost/Rock/Flying |
 --------------------------------------------------

Wait, a chick? Damn you feminists and your attempt to take over the old
fashion Japanese dojo industry! Alright, glad I got that off my chest.
Anyway, Heracross is one tough cookie. It has one of the best moves in
the game: Megahorn. It's actually a Bug attack, so Psychic Pokemon are
weak to it believe it or not (and I'd believe it, because most of the
time it's one hit and you're done). It's double weak against Flying,
but it has Rock Tomb if you're not fast enough to kill it. Overall, Um-
breon is kind of a weak attacking Pokemon, but it can still do some dam-
age with Psychic if you match it up with a Fighting type. If you have
something with a Fighting move of another type, that's what most effect-
ive there. And then the tricky Shedinja. If you remember in the very
beginning of my walkthrough (which I don't suspect you do), I told you
that Shedinja can only be killed by types it's weak against. So if you
have one of those five listed above, this will be an easy win for you.
If not, good luck, mofo! Defeat this annoying broad and you get the
SILVER GUTS SYMBOL (ew, I didn't know they made them with REAL guts!).
Get 55 total wins on your streak, you know what's going to happen.

 ------------------------------------------------
|   GRETA'S POKEMON   |       WEAK AGAINST       |
 ------------------------------------------------
|Umbreon              |       Fighting/Bug       |
|Gengar               |    Ghost/Psychic/Dark    |
|Breloom              |FLYING/Fire/Poison/Psychic|
 ------------------------------------------------

It's the same old Umbreon only with Rest this time (which is clever,
because it will Rest on the third turn and automatically win the Body
judging category). If you can kill it right away, be my guest, but look
out otherwise. Gengar is usually annoying to fight anyway, but this one
is a complete jerk. It will try to get you asleep, then use Dream Eater
and take away your HP for itself. Luckily, Hypnosis has a tendency to
miss quite a bit, so maybe it won't be able to get it off in the three-
turn limit (hey, that's how I beat it!). Also, look out for Psychic, as
always. Breloom can be trouble, unless you have a flyer. If you do, use
Fly or Aerial Ace or whatever to kill it. On the other hand, any of the
aforementioned types are fine as well (as long as you have an accurate
move to break its concentration during Focus Punch). Win again and get
the GOLD GUTS SYMBOL (lovely).


BATTLE FACTORY
--------------

Get ready for the first Battle Tent you might have done (Slateport). I
won't even go and take from earlier in my guide to explain this because
it's really simple. The Factory has you choosing three out of six rental
Pokemon, some of which you might not be familiar with. It's up to you
to figure out how to use these guys and fight your way to victory. After
you win, they give you the option to switch one of your own with one
of your opponents (that way, if your foe had a Pokemon that you strug-
gled with, you can take that dude for yourself). If you happened to mem-
orize every single Pokemon, their types, and their abilities, you're all
set (if not, you can just look at their stat sheet and not be so much of
a nerd). Swapping at the end of a battle is kind of important because
the more you swap, the better your choices get as your challenge goes
along. Also, some labcoat dweeb will enlighten you of the style of bat-
tle your opponent follows. They are sort of in code, so I'm just going
to crack it for you (you cheating piece...oh, you know by now).

* BASED ON TOTAL PERCEPTION: likes to use moves that also increase the
  user's stats
* DEPENDS ON THE BATTLE'S FLOW: uses moves that go well with one another
* FLEXIBILITY ADAPTABLE TO THE SITUATION: uses moves that affect the
  weather, like Rain Dance or Sunny Day
* FREE-SPIRITED AND UNRESTRAINED: does whatever the hell the trainer
  wants no matter what
* HIGH RISK, HIGH RETURN: uses strong moves that could also hurt the
  user
* IMPOSSIBLE TO PREDICT: uses a variety of moves
* ONE OF ENDURANCE: uses defensive and healing moves
* SLOW AND STEADY: uses moves that Poison, Burn, Confuse, etc, you
* WEAKEN FOE FROM THE START: uses moves that lower your stats

And there you go. Just play to your newfound friends' abilities and you
should be fine. Take down twenty jerks in a row to face the Frontier
Brain.

...

What, no chart? Oh yeah, the leader here uses random Pokemon like every-
one else. Well, aren't you in a pickle without my help. Relax, while
Noland does use slightly advanced Pokemon, just go at him like you did
against others. You should be okay if you continue to stick with your
own guys' advantages. Beat him the first time to get the SILVER KNOW-
LEDGE SYMBOL. Get 42 straight victories in the bag (including the one
over Noland) and receive the GOLD KNOWLEDGE SYMBOL. Now, doesn't Noland
look like a built Commie scientist? That just doesn't make any sense
(this coming from the conservative French-ascended Jew from Illinois).


BATTLE PIKE
-----------

This is definitely the easiest one to beat. The object is to get through
fourteen rooms of this elongated building without...well...dying...or
something. There are seven types of rooms in which something could
happen to you.

* You just fight one trainer
* You fight two trainers in a double battle
* You fight a tough trainer, with your dudes healed afterwards
* All or some of your Pokemon are healed
* You must zigzag through a room with wild Pokemon
* You just pass a guy who won't do anything
* All or some of your Pokemon are affected with a status condition

Luckily, there is a room in between that counts for you. In this room,
a lady will tell you exactly what's in one of the rooms.

* A TRAINER?...: one trainer
* ...PERHAPS WHISPERING: two trainers
* ...AROMA OF POKEMON...: wild Pokemon
* ...WAVE OF NOSTALGIA...: you've been there at some point

You probably could've figured that out on your own, but I didn't want to
take any chances. Anywho, if you can pass through 28 rooms (twice all
the way through), some hot chick will fight you.

 -----------------------------------------------
|   LUCY'S POKEMON   |       WEAK AGAINST       |
 -----------------------------------------------
|Seviper             |      Psychic/Ground      |
|Shuckle             |     Water/Rock/Steel     |
|Milotic             |      Electric/Grass      |
 -----------------------------------------------

Psychic should take care of Seviper no problem, if it's fast and power-
ful enough. If not, look out for Crunch (and if you use Ground, it's
Giga Drain that you should worry about). Shuckle is the biggest jerk in
the world (excluding Donald Trump). This Pokemon has the best Defense
(Special or not) in the game, and will use this to its advantage. It
will cause a Sandstorm and Poison you with Toxic, so your Pokemon die a
long and horrible death. And once you get its HP down a little...REST!
Oh yeah, what a jerk (at least it doesn't have a hairpiece). Water is
the best way to go, so just Surf it out until it's finally done with.
Milotic can really only be defeated with an Electric type, and even that
proves to be deadly. Do a strong move to it, and it could fire it right
back at double the damage with Mirror Coat. Yikes! Just hope it's too
stupid to use that strategy and you'll kill it. Guess what you get for
winning? That's right, the SILVER LUCK SYMBOL! Shibby. Now the quota
bumps up all the way up to 139 straight rooms. Crap! But hey, at least
we get to battle that hot chick again!

 -----------------------------------------------
|   LUCY'S POKEMON   |       WEAK AGAINST       |
 -----------------------------------------------
|Seviper             |      Psychic/Ground      |
|Steelix             |Water/Ground/Fighting/Fire|
|Gyarados            |      ELECTRIC/Rock       |
 -----------------------------------------------

Seviper is exactly the same as before, so kill it the same way. Water
and Fighting are good choices for Steelix, as long as they have the De-
fense to withstand a barrage of Earthquakes. Do what you have to do
there (as in kill the thing). Gyarados is kind of a joke. It will in-
crease its stats and replenish its HP and try to scare you away, but it
doesn't have any good attacks (Return...and that's it). Zap it and 
you're done. Well, that was easy, wasn't it? For all that crap, you only 
get the GOLD LUCK SYMBOL. That's nice and all, but I was hoping Lucy 
would give me a little more sugar than that...*slap*...damn it.


BATTLE PYRAMID
--------------

From the easiest one to probably the worst one of all. The object of the
Pike and the Pyramid is basically the same: explore and get through an
annoying trainer-filled building, though you're going vertical this time
instead of horizontal. This is the only place where you're allowed to
use regular items, but don't think it's that easy. They will take away
your usual bag and give you a BATTLE BAG. In the actual challenge area,
you must search for a blue square to advance to the next floor. It makes
it just a little difficult that you can barely see (and no, Flash does
not work, you cheating piece of crap). However, you can improve your 
predicament by defeating both wild and trained Pokemon; your range of 
vision will increase a little bit. Also, there are some items on the 
floor that you can pick up and place in your Battle Bag. Get through 
seven floors to defeat the challenge (you also get to keep the items you 
found for the next time you come here). Beat the Pyramid three times to 
face the Brainy one.

 ----------------------------------------------------
|   BRANDON'S POKEMON   |        WEAK AGAINST        |
 ----------------------------------------------------
|Regirock               |Fighting/Water/Grass/Ground |
|Regice                 |  Fighting/Fire/Rock/Steel  |
|Registeel              |    Fighting/Fire/Ground    |
 ----------------------------------------------------

Hold on there! Since when did this guy beat us to the Regis? Well, I
guess you'll have to fight them to get 'em back. If you can keep your
Fighter alive the entire battle, you win (but with the moves these guys
have, I sorta doubt it). Whatever you send out first might meet its de-
mise right off the bat thanks to Regirock's Explosion (you may want to
consider a Ghost type here, if you snagged one). Regice has Ice Beam,
of course, but it also has Thunder up its frosty sleeve as well. Fight-
ing is still good, and so is wonderful old Fire. The same applies to
Registeel, though Fire might be a little risky with its Earthquake. It
also knows that good old Toxic move you've seen about a hundred times to
this point. Though the Regis are powerful, this really isn't a tough
battle. Just beat him and receive the SILVER BRAVE SYMBOL. Explore the
Pyramid ten times to face him again (and just you wait till you see what
he has this time!).

 ----------------------------------------------------
|   BRANDON'S POKEMON   |        WEAK AGAINST        |
 ----------------------------------------------------
|Articuno               |     ROCK/Electric/Fire     |
|Zapdos                 |          Rock/Ice          |
|Moltres                |    ROCK/Water/Electric     |
 ----------------------------------------------------

Are you kidding?! All of these original legendary birds have a Flying
move, an attack of their other respectable types, a defensive move, and
a weird one. I don't suggest using Fire or Rock against Articuno, for
its particular weird move is Water Pluse. A fast strong Electric should
be good enough. If you have a Rock/Ground like Golem, Zapdos won't have
a chance to really attack (although your own Electric might be good here
too). Moltres scares the bajeepers out of me thanks to Hyper Beam (I 
love to use slang from the 20s). Any one of the types in my chart works
well against this phoenix (mainly because it can't heal itself with its
own tears). Beat this legendary cheater to win the GOLD BRAVE SYMBOL.


AND THAT'S IT...
----------------

Okay, if you're good enough to get at least the Silver Symbol for each
Battle building, visit Scott and he'll give you a LANSAT BERRY! Well
that...sucks. It only will raise the Critical Hit ratio when the user's
HP is below 1/3. We better be getting a more useful item for winning
all the Gold Symbols. Crap, it's just a freaking STARF BERRY! Sure it
raises all stats when HP is under a third, but come on! Well, at least
it's somewhat of a hollow victory for you just looking at your Trainer
Card and admiring your Symbols (I know that's how I spend my Saturday
nights)!

Okay, I've covered practically everything there is in this walkthrough.
Now you can go and fill not only your Hoenn Pokedex, but that National
one as well. Heh, that'll make the precious little time you have on this 
Earth just float away.


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                   |                  |
|                      CHECKLIST                    |  electric razor  |
|                                                   |                  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Alrighty then, if you feel you're too good for my walkthrough (all that
hard work for nothing, huh, ya jerk?), and feel that all you need is a 
broad idea of what to do, I've provided a checklist with extremely vague 
instructions. Of course, I wouldn't work this hard for just anyone, 
baby. *makes the sexiest face I could possibly muster*

Items marked with an * are optional, but recommended.


THE JOURNEY BEGINS
------------------
[] Put in your name, gender, time, and all that crap
[] Visit Brendan/May in the Birch's house
[] Pick your starter and save Prof. Birch
[] Brendan/May Battle #1 on Route 103
[] Receive Pokedex from Prof. Birch
[] Receive Running Shows from your mom
[] Arrive in Petalburg City
[] "Show" Wally how to capture Pokemon


THE STONE BADGE
---------------
[] Explore Petalburg Woods and defeat the Aqua Grunt
[] Get the Wailmer Pail at the Flower Shop*
[] Arrive in Rustboro City
[] Get HM01 from the Cutter's House
[] Defeat Roxanne for the Stone Badge


THE KNUCKLE BADGE
-----------------
[] Retrieve the Devon Goods and get the Pokenav
[] Brendan/May Battle #2 in Rustboro*
[] Sail on Mr. Briney's boat to Dewford Town
[] Explore Granite Cave, get HM05, and meet Steven
[] Defeat Brawly for the Knuckle Badge


THE DYNAMO BADGE
----------------
[] Sail with Mr. Briney to Slateport City
[] Beat Team Aqua at the Oceanic Museum
[] Brendan/May Battle #3 on Route 110
[] Arrive in Mauville City
[] Get HM06 from crazy Rock Smash guy
[] Talk to Rydel for some Bikes*
[] Wally Battle #1 in Mauville
[] Defeat Wattson for the Dynamo Badge


THE HEAT BADGE
--------------
[] Clear Rusturf Tunnel and get HM04
[] Pass through Fiery Path to Fallarbor Town
[] Explore Meteor Falls
[] Beat Team Magma on Mt. Chimney
[] Pass through Jagged Pass to Lavaridge Town
[] Defeat Flannery for the Heat Badge


THE BALANCE BADGE
-----------------
[] Get the Go-Googles and explore the Route 111 Desert*
[] Defeat Norman for the Balance Badge
[] Get HM03 from Wally's dad


THE FEATHER BADGE
-----------------
[] Explore areas that require Surf*
[] Help Wattson by shutting down New Mauville*
[] Beat Team Aqua at the Weather Institute
[] Brendan/May Battle #4 on Route 119 for HM02
[] Arrive in Fortree City
[] Get the Devon Scope from Steven on Route 120
[] Defeat Winona for the Feather Badge


THE MIND BADGE
--------------
[] Arrive in Lilycove City
[] Brendan/May Battle #5 in Lilycove*
[] Explore the Safari Zone*
[] Beat Team Aqua on Mt. Pyre
[] Explore the Team Magma Hideout in Jagged Pass
[] Explore the Team Aqua Hideout in Lilycove
[] Arrive in Mossdeep City
[] Defeat Tate & Liza for the Mind Badge


THE RAIN BADGE
--------------
[] Beat Team Magma at the Mossdeep Space Station
[] Get HM08 from Steven
[] Explore Shoal Cave for a Shell Bell*
[] Explore the Hoenn Sea using Dive*
[] Arrive in Sootopolis City
[] Beat Team Aqua in Seafloor Cavern
[] Find Wallace in the Cave of Origin
[] Find Rayquaza in the Sky Pillar
[] Get HM07 from Wallace
[] Explore the Abandoned Ship on Route 109*
[] Defeat Juan for the Rain Badge


THE ELITE FOUR
--------------
[] Arrive in Ever Grande City
[] Explore Victory Road to the north side of Ever Grande
[] Wally Battle #2 in Victory Road
[] Defeat Sidney, Phoebe, Glacia, and Drake at the Pokemon League
[] Defeat Wallace to become Pokemon Champion


THE LAST PARTS OF HOENN
-----------------------
[] Take the S.S. Ticket from your dad
[] Get the National Pokedex from Prof. Birch
[] Take on Trainer Hill on Route 111*
[] Solve the riddle of the Sealed Chamber and capture the Regis*
[] Find Terra Cave and capture Groudon*
[] Find Marine Cave and capture Kyorge*
[] Explore Sky Pillar and capture Rayquaza*
[] Battle Steven in Meteor Falls*
[] Board the S.S. Tidal and sail to the Battle Frontier


THE BATTLE FRONTIER
-------------------
[] Win 35 straight at the Battle Tower for the Silver Ability Symbol
[] Win 70 straight at the Battle Tower for the Gold Ability Symbol
[] Win 5 straight tourneys at the Battle Dome for the Silver Tactics
   Symbol
[] Win 10 straight tourneys at the Battle Dome for the Gold Tactics
   Symbol
[] Win 21 straight at the Battle Palace for the Silver Spirits Symbol
[] Win 42 straight at the Battle Palace for the Gold Spirits Symbol
[] Win 28 straight at the Battle Arena for the Silver Guts Symbol
[] Win 56 straight at the Battle Arena for the Gold Guts Symbol
[] Win 21 straight at the Battle Factory for the Silver Knowledge Symbol
[] Win 42 straight at the Battle Factory for the Gold Knowledge Symbol
[] Get through the Battle Pike two times for the Silver Luck Symbol
[] Get through the Battle Pike ten times for the Gold Luck Symbol
[] Get through the Battle Pyramid three times for the Silver Brave Sym-
   bol
[] Get through the Battle Pyramid ten times for the Gold Brave Symbol


OTHER
-----
[] Complete the Pokedex (good luck, mofo)
[] Complete the National Pokedex (even more luck to you, mofo)


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                     |                |
|                         POKEDEX                     |  corn remover  |
|                                                     |                |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

After much debate, I have decided not to include a Pokedex in my walk-
though. I started working on it, and I suddenly realized three things.
One was that it was going to be way too freaking long, and that the size
of just this section would be more then the others, including the entire
walkthough, put together. That's a freaking lot! The other thing that
factored into this was that I just bought "Twilight Princess" for the
GameCube, and I'm way too absorbed with that to do anything else 
(including my homework, which my professors can attest to). My final
thought about this is that there are already so many Pokedexes on this
internet thingy to begin with, most of which I could never beat thanks
to the limited capacity of the plain-text formatting GameFAQs offers
(sorry, overlords of GameFAQs, but it's true!). Anyway, while I'm too
lazy to write up my own Pokedex, I will give you the web addresses to a
few I found on my figurative journey, so I hope you find them helpful!

Serebii: 
www.serebii.net/pokedex-rs/

Pokemon Elite 2000: 
www.pokemonelite2000.com/pokedex.html

Psypoke: 
www.psypokes.com/dex/index.php

Bulbapedia: 
bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/List_of_Pok%C3%A9mon


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                |                     |
|                      ITEMS                     |  aftershave lotion  |
|                                                |                     |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is very freaking item you can ever get, plus where to find them.
Don't you just love me?! Don't answer that.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    REGULAR ITEMS    |     WHAT IT DOES     |     WHERE TO FIND IT    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Antidote       |Cure Pokemon of Poison| Basically any Pokemart  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Awakening       |Cure Pokemon of Sleep | Basically any Pokemart  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Big Pearl      |  Sell it for money   |      Diving areas       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Black Flute     |Decreases wild Pokemon| Trade 1000 ashes in the |
|                     |      encounters      | Rt. 113 Glass Workshop  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Blue Flute      |Cure Pokemon of Sleep | Trade 250 ashes in the  |
|                     |                      | Rt. 113 Glass Workshop  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Blue Shard      |Trade for Water Stone |        Route 124        |
|                     |at Rt.124 Treasure Guy|                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Burn Heal      | Cure Pokemon of Burn |Mauville/Fallarbor Marts |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       Calcium       | Increases Pokemon's  | Slateport hippie mart/  |
|                     |    Special Attack    |    Lilycove Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|        Carbos       | Increases Pokemon's  | Slateport hippie mart/  |
|                     |        Speed         |    Lilycove Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       Dire Hit      | Increases chances of |Mauville/Fallarbor Marts |
|                     |    Critical Hits     |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|        Elixir       |Heal 10PP of all moves|   Routes 110/119/123    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Energy Root     | Bitter, Heals 200HP  |   Lavaridge Herb Shop   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Energypowder    |  Bitter, Heals 50HP  |   Lavaridge Herb Shop   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Escape Rope     |  Teleports you from  |      Some Pokemarts     |
|                     |        caves         |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|        Ether        |Heals 10PP of one move| Rt. 113/Petalburg City  |
|                     |                      |     Petalburg Woods     |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Fire Stone     | Evolves some Pokemon |       Fiery Path        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Fluffy Tail     |Escape from Wild Poke-|Verdanturf/Lilycove Marts|
|                     |    mon every time    |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Fresh Water     |      Heals 50HP      |    Lilycove Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Full Heal      |Heals Stat Conditions |     Later Pokemarts     |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Full Restore     |Heals all HP and Stat |  Ever Grande Pokemart   |
|                     |      Conditions      |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Green Shard     | Trade for Leaf Stone |        Route 126        |
|                     |at Rt.124 Treasure Guy|                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Guard Spec.     | Prevents Stats from  |Mauville/Fallarbor Marts |
|                     |     decreasing       |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Heal Powder     | Bitter, Heals status |   Lavaridge Herb Shop   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Heart Scale     |Give to Move Tutor in |Diving areas/Wild Luvdisc|
|                     |      Fallarbor       |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|        HP Up        |Increases Pokemon's HP| Slateport hippie mart/  |
|                     |                      |    Lilycove Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Hyper Potion     |     Heals 200HP      |     Later Pokemarts     |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Ice Heal       |Cure Pokemon of Freeze|Verdanturf/Lilycove Marts|
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|        Iron         | Increases Pokemon's  | Slateport hippie mart/  |
|                     |       Defense        |    Lilycove Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Lava Cookie     |Heals Stat Conditions |       Mt. Chimney       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Leaf Stone      | Evolves some Pokemon |        Route 119        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Lemonade       |      Heals 80HP      |    Lilycove Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Max Elixir     |Heals all PP of moves |Aqua Hideout/Victory Road|
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Max Ether      |Heals all PP of 1 move|Rusturf Tunnel/Route 113 |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Max Potion     |     Heals all HP     |     Later Pokemarts     |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Max Repel      | Repels wild Pokemon  |     Later Pokemarts     |
|                     |    for 250 steps     |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Max Revive     |Fully revives fainted | Petalburg/Safari Zone/  |
|                     |       Pokemon        |      Magma Hideout      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       Nugget        |  Sell it for money   |   Routes 112/113/120    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Parlyz Heal     |Cure Pokemon of Parlyz| Basically any Pokemart  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|        Pearl        |  Sell it for money   |      Diving areas       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       Potion        |      Heals 20HP      | Basically any Pokemart  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       PP Max        |Increases Pokemon's PP| Trick House Prize/Magma |
|                     |    to its maximum    |         Hideout         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|        PP Up        |Increases Pokemon's PP|  Routes 104/115/Meteor  |
|                     |       a little       |          Falls          |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       Protein       | Increases Pokemon's  | Slateport hippie mart/  |
|                     |       Attack         |    Lilycove Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Rare Candy      | Increases Pokemon's  |Routes 111/114/120/127/  |
|                     |     level by one     |Trick House/Magma Hideout|
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Red Flute      |  Cures the Attract   | Trade 750 ashes in the  |
|                     |        status        | Rt. 113 Glass Workshop  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Red Shard      |Trade for Water Stone |        Route 124        |
|                     |at Rt.124 Treasure Guy|                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|        Repel        | Repels wild Pokemon  |     Most Pokemarts      |
|                     |    for 100 steps     |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Revival Herb     | Bitter, revives Pkmn |   Lavaridge Herb Shop   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       Revive        | Revives fainted Pkmn |     Later Pokemarts     |
|                     |       half way       |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Shoal Salt      | Used for Shell Bells |       Shoal Cave        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Shoal Shell     | Used for Shell Bells |       Shoal Cave        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Soda Pop       |      Heals 60HP      |    Lilycove Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Star Piece      |  Sell it for money   |  Held by wild Pokemon   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Stardust       |  Sell it for money   |  Held by wild Pokemon   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Sun Stone      | Evolves some Pokemon | Mossdeep Space Station  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Super Potion     |      Heals 50HP      |     Most Pokemarts      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Super Repel     | Repels wild Pokemon  |  Fallarbor/Lavaridge/   |
|                     |    for 200 steps     |      Fortree Marts      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Thunderstone     | Evolves some Pokemon |      New Mauville       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Tinymushroom     |  Sell it for money   |Petalburg Woods/wild Pkmn|
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Water Stone     | Evolves some Pokemon |     Abandoned Ship      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     White Flute     |Increases wild Pokemon| Trade 1000 ashes in the |
|                     |      encounters      | Rt. 113 Glass Workshop  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     X Accuracy      |Raises Accuracy 1 btl |     Some Pokemarts      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      X Attack       | Raises Attack 1 btl  |     Some Pokemarts      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      X Defend       | Raises Defense 1 btl |     Some Pokemarts      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      X Special      |Raises Sp Attack 1 btl|     Some Pokemarts      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       X Speed       |  Raises Speed 1 btl  |     Some Pokemarts      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Yellow Flute     |   Heals Confusion    | Trade 500 ashes in the  |
|                     |                      | Rt. 113 Glass Workshop  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Yellow Shard     |Trade for Water Stone |        Route 124        |
|                     |at Rt.124 Treasure Guy|                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|        Zinc         | Increases Pokemon's  | Slateport hippie mart/  |
|                     |   Special Defense    |    Lilycove Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      HOLD ITEMS     |     WHAT IT DOES     |     WHERE TO FIND IT    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Amulet Coin     |Will award you with 2x| Your mom after beating  |
|                     |the money after battle|         Norman          |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Black Belt      |Ups Fighting-type move|        Route 115        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Blackglasses     | Ups Dark-type moves  |        Route 116        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Blue Scarf      | Ups Beauty Condition |   Slateport Fan Club    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Bright Powder    |Lowers foe's Accuracy |     Battle Frontier     |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Charcoal       | Ups Fire-type moves  |   Lavaridge Herb Shop   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Choice Band     | Boosts one move, but |     Battle Frontier     |
|                     | can't use any others |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Cleanse Tag     | Lowers encounters of |        Mt. Pyre         |
|                     |     wild Pokemon     |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Deepseascale     |Ups Clamperl's Sp.Def;|Trade Scanner with Capt. |
|                     | evolves when traded  |   Stern in Slateport    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Deepseatooth     |Ups Clamperl's Sp.Att;|Trade Scanner with Capt. |
|                     | evolves when traded  |   Stern in Slateport    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Dragon Fang     |Ups Dragon-type moves |      Meteor Falls       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Dragon Scale    |Trade to evolve Seadra|    Wild Horsea/Bagon    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Everstone      |  Prevents evolution  |Granite Cave/Wild Geodude|
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Exp. Share     |   Give Exp. to non-  |Pres. Stone after giving |
|                     |   battling Pokemon   |     Stern the Goods     |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Focus Band      |Could prevent fainting|Shoal Cave/Battle Front. |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Green Scarf     | Ups Smart Condition  |   Slateport Fan Club    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Hard Stone      | Ups Rock-type moves  |    Trick House Prize    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Kingís Rock     |Ups chance of a flinch|      Mossdeep City      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Lax Incense     |Lowers foe's Accuracy;|        Mt. Pyre         |
|                     |    breeds Wynaut     |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Leftovers      | Heals HP every turn  |SS Tidal/Battle Frontier |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Light Ball      | 2x Pikachu's Special |      Wild Pikachu       |
|                     |        Attack        |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Macho Brace     |2x stats when leveling|Winstrate House on Rt 111|
|                     |   but lowers Speed   |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       Magnet        |Ups Electric-type move|    Trick House Prize    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Mental Herb     |   Prevents Attract   | Fortree/Battle Frontier |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Metal Coat      | Ups Steel-type moves |     Wild Magnemite      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Miracle Seed     | Ups Grass-type moves |     Petalburg Woods     |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Mystic Water     | Ups Water-type moves |    Held by Castform     |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Nevermeltice     |  Ups Ice-type moves  |       Shoal Cave        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Pink Scarf      |  Ups Cute Condition  |   Slateport Fan Club    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Poison Barb     |Ups Poison-type moves |   Wild Roselia/Cacnea   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Quick Claw      |Allows Pokemon to move|Rustboro/Battle Frontier |
|                     |  first occasionally  |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Red Scarf      |  Ups Cool Condition  |   Slateport Fan Club    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Scope Lens      | Increases chances of |     Battle Frontier     |
|                     |    Critical Hits     |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Sea Incense     |Ups Water-type moves; |        Mt. Pyre         |
|                     |    breeds Azurill    |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Sharp Beak      |Ups Flying-type moves |    Wild Doduo/Dodrio    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Shell Bell      | Heals 1/8 HP of the  |       Shoal Cave        |
|                     |damage done to the foe|                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Silk Scarf      |Ups Normal-type moves |      Dewford Town       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Silverpowder     |  Ups Bug-type moves  |        Route 120        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Smoke Ball      |  Allow fleeing wild  |    Trick House Prize    |
|                     |  Pokemon every time  |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Soft Sand      |Ups Ground-type moves |        Route 109        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Soothe Bell     |Holder likes you more |   Slateport Fan Club    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Spell Tag      | Ups Ghost-type moves |  Wild Duskull/Dusclops  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Twistedspoon    |Ups Psychic-type moves|        Wild Abra        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     White Herb      |Prevents lowered stats| Rt 104/Battle Frontier  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Yellow Scarf     | Ups Tough Condition  |   Slateport Fan Club    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      KEY ITEMS      |     WHAT IT DOES     |     WHERE TO FIND IT    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Acro Bike      | Bike that can bounce |  Rydel's Bike Shop in   |
|                     |and ride on platforms |        Mauville         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Basement Key     | Unlocks New Mauville |  Wattson after beating  |
|                     |                      |         Norman          |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Claw Fossil     |Revive at Devon Corp. | Mirage Tower or Desert  |
|                     |    for an Anorith    |        Underpass        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Coin Case      |Holds coins from Mau- |Trade Harbor Mail for it |
|                     |  ville Game Corner   |       in Mauville       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Contest Pass     | Lets you compete in  |  Lilycove Contest Hall  |
|                     |   Pokemon contests   |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Devon Goods     |  Package to give to  |  Aqua Grunt in Rusturf  |
|                     |     Capt. Stern      |         Tunnel          |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Devon Scope     |Reveals hidden Pokemon|   Steven on Route 120   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Go-Googles      | Lets you explore the |Brendan/May in Lavaridge |
|                     |   Route 111 Desert   | after beating Flannery  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Good Rod       |  Decent fishing rod  |        Route 118        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Itemfinder      | Signals when around  |Brendan/May on Route 110 |
|                     |     hidden item      |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       Letter        |  Give to Steven in   |Pres. Stone after getting|
|                     |     Granite Cave     |       Devon Goods       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Mach Bike      | Speedy Bike that can |  Rydel's Bike Shop in   |
|                     |beat slopes and cracks|        Mauville         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Magma Emblem     | Lets you access the  |        Mt. Pyre         |
|                     |    Magma Hideout     |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Meteorite      | Give to Prof. Cosmo  |       Mt. Chimney       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       Old Rod       |  Crappy fishing rod  |      Dewford Town       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|   Pokeblock Case    |   Holds Pokeblocks   |  Lilycove Contest Hall  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Rm # Keys      | Opens cabins on the  |     Abandoned Ship      |
|                     |   Abandoned Ship     |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Root Fossil     |Revive at Devon Corp. | Mirage Tower or Desert  |
|                     |    for an Lileep     |        Underpass        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      SS Ticket      | Lets you ride the SS |Norman after beating the |
|                     |        Tidal         |     Pokemon League      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       Scanner       |Trade with Capt. Stern|     Abandoned Ship      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Soot Sack      |Collects ash on Rt 113| Rt. 113 Glass Workshop  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Storage Key     |Opens storage room on |     Abandoned Ship      |
|                     |  the Abandoned Ship  |                         |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Super Rod      |Excellent fishing rod |     Mossdeep City       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Wailmer Pail     |Water Berries for more| Flower Shop on Rt. 104  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      BALL ITEMS     |     WHAT IT DOES     |     WHERE TO FIND IT    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Dive Ball      |Catch underwater Pkmn |    Mossdeep Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Great Ball      |  Decent normal ball  | Basically any Pokemart  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Luxury Ball     | Makes Pokemon nicer  |     Abandoned Ship      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Master Ball     | Catches without fail |      Aqua Hideout       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Nest Ball      |Catches low-leved Pkmn|   Verdanturf Pokemart   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Net Ball       |Catches Water/Bug Pkmn|    Mossdeep Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|       Pokeball      |  Crappy normal ball  | Basically any Pokemart  |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Premier Ball     | Special normal ball  |      Rustboro City      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Repeat Ball     |Catches Pkmn you have |      Rustboro City      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Safari Ball     |  Use in Safari Zone  |       Safari Zone       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Timer Ball      |Better in long battles|      Rustboro City      |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Ultra Ball     |Excellent normal ball |     Later Pokemarts     |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      MAIL ITEMS     |  WHAT IT HAS ON IT   |     WHERE TO FIND IT    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Bead Mail      |  Whatever holds it   |       Trick House       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|    Glitter Mail     |       Pikachu        |       Trick House       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Harbor Mail     |       Wingull        |   Slateport Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Mech Mail       |      Magnemite       |    Lilycove Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Orange Mail     |      Zigzagoon       |   Petalburg Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Shadow Mail     |       Duskull        |   Sootopolis Pokemart   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     Tropic Mail     |      Bellossom       |       Trick House       |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Wave Mail      |       Wailmer        |    Lilycove Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|      Wood Mail      |       Slakoth        |     Fortree Pokemart    |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     DECORATIONS     |   PRICE   |          WHERE TO FIND IT          |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|     A Note Mat      |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|     Attract Mat     |   $4000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|    Azurill Doll     |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     B Note Mat      |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|    Ball Cushion     |   $2000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Ball Poster     |   $1000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Baltoy Doll     |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|      Big Plant      |   $5000   |      Flower Shop on Route 104      |
|   Blastoise Doll    |  256 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|    Blue Balloon     |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|     Blue Brick      |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|     Blue Poster     |   $1000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|      Blue Tent      |     -     |      Trick House Final Prize       |
|   Breakable Door    |   $3000   | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|     Brick Chair     |   $2000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|     Brick Desk      |   $9000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|   C High Note Mat   |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|   C Low Note Mat    |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|     Camp Chair      |   $2000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|     Camp Desk       |   $9000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|   Charizard Doll    |  256 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|   Chikorita Doll    |   80 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|    Clefairy Doll    |   48 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|   Colorful Plant    |   $5000   |      Flower Shop on Route 104      |
|    Comfort Chair    |   $2000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|    Comfort Desk     |   $6000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|     Cute Poster     |   $1000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|       Cute TV       |   $4000   | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|   Cyndaquil Doll    |   80 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|     D Note Mat      |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|   Diamond Cushion   |   $2000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Ditto Doll      |   48 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|    Duskull Doll     |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     E Note Mat      |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|     F Note Mat      |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|    Fence Length     |   $500    | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|     Fence Width     |   $500    | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|   Fire Blast Mat    |   $4000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|    Fire Cushion     |   $2000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Fissure Mat     |   $4000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     G Note Mat      |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|   Glass Ornament    |     -     |Lilycove Museum (beat all Contests) |
|   Grass Cushion     |   $2000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|    Green Poster     |   $1000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Gulpin Doll     |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Hard Chair      |   $2000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|     Hard Desk       |   $9000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|     Heavy Chair     |   $2000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|     Heavy Desk      |   $6000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|   Jigglypuff Doll   |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|      Jump Mat       |   $2000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|    Kecleon Doll     |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|    Kiss Cushion     |   32 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|     Kiss Poster     |   16 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|     Lapras Doll     |  128 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|     Long Poster     |   $1500   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Lotad Doll      |     -     |   Gift from Lanette on Route 114   |
|     Marill Doll     |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Meowth Doll     |   48 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|      Mud Ball       |   $200    | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|     Mudkip Doll     |1000 coins |        Mauville Game Corner        |
|     Pichu Doll      |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|    Pika Cushion     |   $2000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Pika Poster     |   $1500   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|    Pikachu Doll     |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|    Pokemon Chair    |   $2000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|    Pokemon Desk     |   $3000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|   Powder Snow Mat   |   $4000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|    Pretty Chair     |6000 ashes |     Glass Workshop on Route 113    |
|    Pretty Desk      |8000 ashes |     Glass Workshop on Route 113    |
|   Pretty Flowers    |   $3000   |      Flower Shop on Route 104      |
|    Ragged Chair     |   $2000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|    Ragged Desk      |   $6000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|    Red Balloon      |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|     Red Brick       |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|     Red Flower      |   $3000   |      Flower Shop on Route 104      |
|     Red Poster      |   $1000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|      Red Tent       |     -     |      Trick House Final Prize       |
|     Rhydon Doll     |   $10000  | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|    Round Cushion    |   $2000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|      Round TV       |   $4000   | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|    Sand Ornament    |   $3000   | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|     Sea Poster      |   $1500   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Seedot Doll     |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Skitty Doll     |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Sky Poster      |   $1500   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|        Slide        |   $8000   | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|     Small Chair     |   $2000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|     Small Desk      |   $3000   |         Fortree Base Shop          |
|    Smoochum Doll    |   32 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|    Snorlax Doll     |  128 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|     Solid Board     |   $3000   | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|     Spikes Mat      |   $4000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|    Spin Cushion     |   $2000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|      Spin Mat       |   $2000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|        Stand        |   $7000   | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|      Surf Mat       |   $4000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Swablu Doll     |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Thunder Mat     |   $4000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|        Tire         |   $500    | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|     Togepi Doll     |   48 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|    Torchic Doll     |1000 coins |        Mauville Game Corner        |
|    Totodile Doll    |   80 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|    Treecko Doll     |1000 coins |        Mauville Game Corner        |
|   Tropical Plant    |   $3000   |      Flower Shop on Route 104      |
|         TV          |   $3000   | Lilycove Pokemart (Clear-out only) |
|    Venusaur Doll    |   32 BP   |  Battle Frontier Exchange Service  |
|    Wailmer Doll     |     -     | Sootopolis City (woman in a house) |
|    Water Cushion    |   $2000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|     Wynaut Doll     |   $3000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
|   Yellow Balloon    |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|    Yellow Brick     |   $500    |       Slateport hippie mart        |
|   Zigzag Cushion    |   $2000   |         Lilycove Pokemart          |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                  |                   |
|                       TM/HM LIST                 |  cold sore cream  |
|                                                  |                   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

TMs are key to a successful party, mainly since the good Pokemon seem to
come with cruddy moves. These things allow you to cheat the system a
bit (the American way of life). As for HMs, you won't be going far with-
out them, so I guess they're rather important. I know these explain-
ations suck, but you can search for their real uses in the walkthrough.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|TM|  MOVE NAME   |TYPE|PWR|ACC|   OTHER EFFECTS   |   WHERE TO FIND   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|01|Focus Punch   | Ft |150|100|  Flinches if hit  |     Route 115     |
|02|Dragon Claw   | Dr | 80|100|      Nothing      |   Meteor Falls    |
|03|Water Pluse   | Wa | 60| 95|   20% Confusion   |  Sootopolis Gym   |
|04|Calm Mind     | Ps | - | - |  Ups SpAtt/SpDef  |   Mossdeep Gym    |
|05|Roar          | No | - |100|Switches opp. Pkmn |     Route 114     |
|06|Toxic         | Po | - | 85| Badly Poisons for |    Fiery Path     |
|07|Hail          | Ic | - | - |Hurts non-Ice Pkmn |    Shoal Cave     |
|08|Bulk Up       | Ft | - | - |    Ups Att/Def    |    Dewford Gym    |
|09|Bullet Seed   | Gr | 10|100|Hurts for 2-5 turns|     Route 104     |
|10|Hidden Power  | No | - |100| Type/Pwr depends  | Slateport/Fortree |
|11|Sunny Day     | Fi | - | - | Raises Fire/Grass |     Route 120     |
|12|Taunt         | Da | - |100| Foe use Attacking | Trick House Prize |
|13|Ice Beam      | Ic | 95|100|    10% Freeze     |  Abandoned Ship   |
|14|Blizzard      | Ic |120| 70|    10% Freeze     | Lilycove Pokemart |
|15|Hyper Beam    | No |150| 90| Wastes next turn  | Lilycove Pokemart |
|16|Light Screen  | Ps | - | - | Ups SpDef 5 turns | Lilycove Pokemart |
|17|Protect       | No | - | - | Blocks opp attack | Lilycove Pokemart |
|18|Rain Dance    | Wa | - | - |Raises Water/Elect.|  Abandoned Ship   |
|19|Giga Drain    | Gr | 60|100|Gives 1/2 HP to you|     Route 123     |
|20|Safeguard     | No | - | - | No stats lowered  | Lilycove Pokemart |
|21|Frustration   | No | - | - |Pwr goes on hatred |  Pacifidlog Town  |
|22|Solar Beam    | Gr |120|100|  Takes two turns  |    Safari Zone    |
|23|Iron Tail     | St |100| 75|30% lowers Defense |   Meteor Falls    |
|24|Thunderbolt   | El | 95|100|   30% Paralyze    |After New Mauville |
|25|Thunder       | El |120| 70|   30% Paralyze    | Lilycove Pokemart |
|26|Earthquake    | Gr |100|100| Just a sweet move |  Seafloor Cavern  |
|27|Return        | No | - | - | Pwr goes on love  |Fallarbor/Pacifid. |
|28|Dig           | Gd | 60|100|Teleport from caves|     Route 114     |
|29|Psychic       | Ps | 90|100| 10% lowers Sp Att |   Victory Road    |
|30|Shadow Ball   | Gh | 80|100|10% lowers Sp. Def.|     Mt. Pyre      |
|31|Brick Break   | Ft | 75|100| Breaks Reflect/LS |  Sootopolis City  |
|32|Double Team   | No | - | - |  Raises Evasion   |Mauville Game Corn.|
|33|Reflect       | Ps | - | - |  Ups Def 5 turns  | Lilycove Pokemart |
|34|Shock Wave    | El | 60| - |   Never misses    |   Mauville Gym    |
|35|Flamethrower  | Fi | 95|100|     10% Burn      |Mauville Game Corn.|
|36|Sludge Bomb   | Po | 90|100|    30% Poison     |    Dewford Gym    |
|37|Sandstorm     | Ro | - | - |Pkmn hurt each turn|     Route 111     |
|38|Fire Blast    | Fi |120| 85|     10% Burn      | Lilycove Pokemart |
|39|Rock Tomb     | Ro | 50| 80| Lowers opp Speed  |   Rustboro Gym    |
|40|Aerial Ace    | Fl | 60| - |   Never misses    |   Fortree City    |
|41|Torment       | Da | - |100|Foe no use same att|  Slateport City   |
|42|Facade        | No | 70|100|2x if foe Burn, etc|   Petalburg Gym   |
|43|Secret Power  | No | 70|100|30% Special Effect | Slateport/Rt. 111 |
|44|Rest          | Ps | - | - | Heals but Sleeps  |   Lilycove City   |
|45|Attract       | No | - | - |50% opp. can't move|  Verdanturf Town  |
|46|Thief         | Da | 40|100| Steals opp. item  |  Slateport City   |
|47|Steel Wing    | St | 70| 90|10% raises Defense |   Granite Cave    |
|48|Skill Swap    | Ps | - |100|Abilities switched |     Mt. Pyre      |
|49|Snatch        | Da | - |100|Steals opp stat ups|    S.S. Tidal     |
|50|Overheat      | Fi |140| 90|   Lowers SpAtt    |   Lavaridge Gym   |
----------------------------------------------------------------------

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|HM|  MOVE NAME   |TYPE|PWR|ACC|   OTHER EFFECTS   |   WHERE TO FIND   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|01|Cut           | No | 50| 95| Cuts skinny trees |   Rustboro City   |
|02|Fly           | Fl | 70| 95|  Warps to cities  |     Route 119     |
|03|Surf          | Wa | 95|100|   Swim on water   |  Petalburg City   |
|04|Strength      | No | 80|100| Push light rocks  |  Rusturf Tunnel   |
|05|Flash         | No | - | 70| Lights dark area  |   Granite Cave    |
|06|Rock Smash    | Ft | 20|100|Smashes light rocks|   Mauville City   |
|07|Waterfall     | Wa | 80|100|Climb up waterfalls|  Sootopolis City  |
|08|Dive          | Wa | 60|100|   Go underwater   |   Mossdeep City   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------



 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                          |           |
|                          BERRY LIST                      |  tissues  |
|                                                          |           |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

One of the biggest additions to the third generation Pokemon games are
the Berries (and when I mean "addition", I freaking mean ADDITION!).
In the previous series, there were like ten berries that fulfilled the
basic needs. Now, those geniuses in Japan had the knowledge (or the 
time) to put in 43 different types of berries, some of which really
don't even do anything (and other are nearly impossible to get). Luckily
for you, here's a list of every Berry, what they do, where to find them,
how long it takes for them to grow, and even the flavor of the Berry
(in case you ever wanted to dip into the game and take a nibble). Re-
member that there are a few random people who give you some Berries, and
also the Berry Master has some good ones in his stash (and Berries
aren't the only thing he has in there, I bet).

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|  TYPE  |   WHAT IT DOES   |  WHERE ARE THEY  |  GROWTH  |   FLAVOR   |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|Cheri   |  Cure Paralysis  |  Routes 103/104  | 12 hours |   Spicy    |
|Chesto  |    Cure Sleep    |  Routes 116/121  | 12 hours |    Dry     |
|Pecha   |   Cure Poison    |Rt 102/104/120/123| 12 hours |   Sweet    |
|Rawst   |    Cure Burn     |  Routes 112/121  | 12 hours |   Bitter   |
|Aspear  |   Cure Freeze    |  Routes 120/121  | 12 hours |    Sour    |
|Leppa   |   Restore 10PP   |Rt 103/104/119/123| 16 hours |  Chicken   |
|Oran    |   Restore 10HP   |Routes 102/104/111| 12 hours |   Turkey   |
|Persim  |  Cure Confusion  |  Routes 114/121  | 12 hours |  Pidgeon   |
|Lum     |Cure any Stat Cond| Guy in Lilycove  | 48 hours |  Oranges   |
|Sitrus  |   Restore 30HP   |Routes 118/119/123| 24 hours | Not Citrus |
|Figy    |1/8 HP heal at low|Girl in Sootopolis| 24 hours |Fig Newtons |
|Wiki    |1/8 HP heal at low|Girl on Route 120 | 24 hours | Spearmint  |
|Mago    |1/8 HP heal at low|Girl on Route 120 | 24 hours |Mango Mango!|
|Aguav   |1/8 HP heal at low|Girl on Route 120 | 24 hours |  Doritos   |
|Iapapa  |1/8 HP heal at low|Girl in Sootopolis| 24 hours |Warhead Sour|
|Razz    |  Pokeblock crap  |  Routes 111/120  |  4 hours |   Taffy    |
|Bluk    |  Pokeblock crap  |  Routes 114/115  |  4 hours |Muscle-shake|
|Nanab   |  Pokeblock crap  |Routes 110/120/121|  4 hours | Banana Nut |
|Wepear  |  Pokeblock crap  |  Routes 117/120  |  4 hours |Pear (duh!) |
|Pinap   |  Pokeblock crap  |  Routes 116/120  |  4 hours |Grape (duh!)|
|Pomeg   | Friend; lower HP |  Routes 119/123  | 12 hours |  Lasagna   |
|Kelpsy  |Friend; lower Att |    Route 115     | 12 hours | SpongeBob  |
|Qualot  |Friend; lower Def |    Route 123     | 12 hours | Bubble Gum |
|Hondew  |Friend; lower SpAt|    Route 119     | 12 hours |  Plastic   |
|Grepa   |Friend; lower SpDe|    Route 123     | 12 hours |    Wax     |
|Tamato  |Friend; lower Sped|Girl in Sootopolis| 24 hours |  Ketchup   |
|Cornn   |  Pokeblock crap  |Girl in Sootopolis| 24 hours |    Tofu    |
|Magost  |  Pokeblock crap  |Girl in Sootopolis| 24 hours |  Maggots   |
|Rabuta  |  Pokeblock crap  |Girl in Sootopolis| 24 hours |Plum Pudding|
|Nomel   |  Pokeblock crap  |Girl in Sootopolis| 24 hours |   Numels   |
|Spelon  |  Pokeblock crap  |Berry Master Wife | 72 hours |   Bagels   |
|Pamtre  |  Pokeblock crap  |Berry Master Wife | 72 hours |  Pastrami  |
|Watmel  |  Pokeblock crap  |Berry Master Wife | 72 hours |Jolly Ranch.|
|Durin   |  Pokeblock crap  |Berry Master Wife | 72 hours |Bad 80s Band|
|Belue   |  Pokeblock crap  |Berry Master Wife | 72 hours |  Sherbet   |
|Liechi  |Raises Att at low |  Mirage Island   | 96 hours | Cardboard  |
|Ganlon  |Raises Def at low |Pokemon Colosseum | 96 hours |Human Flesh |
|Salac   |Raises Sped at low|Pokemon Colosseum | 96 hours |   Cactus   |
|Petaya  |Raises SpAt at low|Pokemon Colosseum | 96 hours |    Pony    |
|Apicot  |Raises SpDe at low|Pokemon Colosseum | 96 hours | Ice Cream  |
|Lansat  | Raises Crit. Hit | Battle Frontier  | 96 hours | Pez Candy  |
|Starf   | Raises any stat  | Battle Frontier  | 96 hours | Antifreeze |
|Enigma  |  Pokeblock crap  |  E-card thingy   | 96 hours |No one knows|
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------



 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                    |                 |
|                TRICK MASTER'S HOUSE                |  drool-be-gone  |
|                                                    |                 |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

I have made a top ten list of people who just flat-out bug the crap out
of me, and somewhere behind Michael Moore, Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, and
that jerk from the Subway commercials, lies the Trick Master from Poke-
mon Emerald. I don't know why I hate him so, but maybe the fact that he
is an annoying conceited egotistical self-centered jerk who makes us do 
stupid puzzles for his own strange and sickening passion has something 
to do with it. Though the Trick Master is totally optional (I swear I'd
sue somebody if it was mandatory), he does give away some pretty good
crap for prizes sometimes. Here I have complete details on how to beat
all of his challenges in order. They are taken straight from the Walk-
through, so don't expect to find anything different.


CHALLENGE ONE: THE CUT MAZE
---------------------------

Where is he? The upper right corner of the table. How do I do it? Basic-
ally, you have to search around in this maze to find a scroll, then 
discover the door to beat this test. Go straight east until an Oddish 
girl attacks you, then Cut the path above her. Cut the next tree north-
ward, then the next three or four west (if you meet a trainer, you're in 
the right spot). After that, click on the rolled up paper sitting on the 
floor to memorize the message. Now return to the area before you began 
going west and cut the upper-right bush. Defeat the final stupid train-
er, then Cut the tree above you to find the door! What completely false 
adjective does he use to describe himself? Fabulous. What do I get? A 
Rare Candy.


CHALLENGE TWO: THE TRAP DOORS
-----------------------------

Where is he? The right plant near the puzzle room entrance. How do I do 
it? Go right from the door and battle School Kid Paul's crappy team. 
Continue right then up and press the button on the floor. Now return to 
the entrance and walk north this time. Go right until the trap door 
stops you and find your way around to the button just in reach. Hey, the 
door closed! Walk over the now-boarded hole and travel right to step on 
the button above you. Once again, return to the entrance and step north 
six times, where you may go straight east. Next north, beat the trainer, 
and around to the button. Now go all the way back to the button you 
pressed before this one and walk south to battle another trainer and 
reach the scroll. Now to find the exit, go up until you can turn left, 
where you should stop and travel north and east the first chance you 
get. What completely false adjective does he use to describe himself?
Smart. What do I get? A Timer Ball.


CHALLENGE THREE: THE CLOSING WALLS
----------------------------------

Where is he? The dresser against the north wall. How do I do it? Get the 
rocks here out of your way and travel east to battle Camper Justin. Keep 
going right to the wall, then go upwards until there is a past west that 
leads to a trainer (Hiker Alan, to be exact). Beat his rocky crew, then 
go straight left to a button. And the scroll is already in reach! Some-
thing tells me that wasn't the hard part. From the scroll, push the 
button that's to the right of it, and return to the eastern wall. Go all 
the way north to a button that opens the door to the finish line. What
completely false adjective does he use to describe himself? Coveted.
What do I get? A Hard Stone.


CHALLENGE FOUR: THE PATH-BLOCKING BOULDERS
------------------------------------------

Where is he? The window left of the door. How do I do it? Walk straight 
up then  right to two movable boulders diagonal to one another. Equip 
Strength, and push the southern one over, then travel southeast from 
there to another boulder. Push it to the left, then the next one down, 
and click on the scroll. Are these getting easier or what? Now return to 
the first rock you pushed and so northeast of there. Shove the boulder
all the way down this narrow passage and walk right to face Battle Girl 
Paula. Now push the rock above to up once and right twice, then the 
southern boulder in the triangle above you to the right to reach the 
door. What completely false adjective does he use to describe himself?
Cool. What do I get? A Smoke Ball.


CHALLENGE FIVE: THE QUIZZICAL MECHADOLLS
----------------------------------------

Where is he? The left plant against the wall. How do I do it? This one 
involves answering questions in order to get by to the scroll and the 
door (if you played the old old school Pokemon games, it is very similar 
to Blaine's Gym). Since some of these questions can be pretty hard (or 
stupid), I'll just give you the answers (you cheating piece of crap).

Q: What Pokemon is not of the Water type? A: AZURILL
Q: What Pokemon does not use Leech Life? A: DUSTOX
Q: What Pokemon is not found on Route 110? A: TAILLOW

Now continue up to our next creepy bald robot.

Q: What Pokemon did Team Aqua use in Petalburg Forest? A: POOCHYENA
Q: What Pokemon did Wally borrow from your father? A: ZIGZAGOON
Q: What Pokemon was chasing Prof. Birch? A: ZIGZAGOON

How does he know this stuff? I swear, the Trick Master is a grade-A
stalker. Next, go right and down to #3.

Q: Sell a Great Ball and buy a Potion; how much money remains? A: NONE
Q: Does a Repel and Soda Pop cost more than one Super Potion? A: LESS
Q: Which costs more? Three Harbor Mails or one Burn Heal? A: BURN HEAL

Hehe, they talk like Yoda! Go south to the next one.

Q: In the Trainer's School, how many girl students were there? A: 1
Q: In Lavaridge Town, were there more old men or old women? A: OLD MEN
Q: In Seashore House, were there more men or women? A: MEN

Okay, now it's getting a little ridiculous, don't you think? Click on
the scroll there and go straight north for the final question.

Q: On the Cycling Road, how many Triathletes were there? A: 8
Q: In Slateport's Pokemon Fan Club, how many Pokemon were there? A: 3
Q: In Fortree City, how many tree houses were there? A: 6

Once that's finally over, just click on the door. What completely false
title does he use to describe himself? A genius. What do I get? TM12.


CHALLENGE SIX: THE ROTATING BARS
--------------------------------

Where is he? The cupboard in the northeast corner. How do I do it? Push 
the first bar thingy you come to left, then walk up and around that 
little block so that the path going north is clear. Continue that way 
up, then turn right moving through another thingy. Go south to battle 
Pkmn Ranger Sophia, then walk right from her, then up and around to the 
turny thing you have recently pushed. Move it back by going south, then 
walk around again to the area in the upper-left corner (where another 
stupid Ranger waits for you). Go down and reach the scroll, then travel 
right and south till you're practically surrounded by turny thingies! 
It's easy; just move the lower right one down east (so that it makes an 
"L"), then go south through the thing northeast of it and around. Walk 
to the right hallway up to a Bird Keeper, where you should just pass 
through the final thingies to write the message on the door. What comp-
letely false assumption does he make about me? He is my life. What do
I get? A Magnet.


CHALLENGE SEVEN: THE WARP CIRCLES
---------------------------------

Where is he? Behind the right window. How do I do it? Go right onto
a square thing that will trigger a double battle. After that's done,
continue east till you may go north up a skinny hallway. Take the first
left and follow it to a blue square, which you should step on two times,
then get back to that northward path you were previously on. Keep going
until you find a path going west to a red square. Stand on it twice and
resume left and hit the other square till that statue is in the south-
east spot. Walk south past it for a warp point that will lead you to the
scroll. Return to the previous area and go north to three different warp
points (talk about overkill)! Choose the right one that's all alone (he
must smell or something), then north in this enclosed area for another
warp. Get by the trainers here to reach the door. What completely false
adjective does he use to describe himself? Huggable. What do I get? A
PP Max.


CHALLENGE EIGHT: THE SLIPPERY FLOOR
-----------------------------------

Where is he? Under the southwest cushion. How do I do it? From the right 
tile, step up, right to Cooltrainer Keira, up, left, and down to the 
scroll. Hey, this ain't so bad (maybe). Now return to the slippery well-
mopped surface and go up, left, down, right, and down to normal land. 
Stand on the second tile from the left and slide straight up to the top, 
then travel left, down, left, and down. Move left one tile here and go 
back up, then left, then down. Once again, move left a tad, and go north 
to the home stretch. After beating Cooltrainer Leroy (how can he be cool
with that name?), go east and write the secret code on the door. What
completely false and somewhat disgusting assumption does he make about
me? He is my love. What do I get? A Red/Blue Tent.



 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                    |                 |
|            GYM LEADER/ELITE FOUR GUIDE             |  Preparation H  |
|                                                    |                 |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------


Gym Leaders can be tough if you don't know what you're up against, so I
have reserved a little section here for those hard-working programmed
individuals. Again, I'm lazy, so everything is verbatim from the guide.


ROXANNE: ROCK CHICK
-------------------

 -------------------------------------
| ROXANNE'S POKEMON | LV | DIFFICULTY |
 -------------------------------------
|Geodude            | 12 |    Easy    |
|Geodude            | 12 |    Easy    |
|Nosepass           | 15 | Not so easy|
 -------------------------------------

Geodude is a combination of Rock and Ground, making it Double Super Eff-
ective when hit with a Grass or Water attack (do you see why I was
hounding you to have one?). Sure, they will do the semi-powerful Rock
Tomb attack, but you can kick them to the curb before a blink of an eye
(even if you're blind). Nosepass can be a little tricky. It's only Rock
type, making it a mere single Super Effective when hit with Grass or
Water. It might take two or three hits to take him down (while it plum-
les you with rocks), and it doesn't help matters that it will use an
Oran Berry when it's HP is dwindling. Still, I don't think you should
have a problem (if you have a Grass or Water, I mean). When you are vic-
torious, congratulations, you have won your first Gym Leader battle! For
accomplishing this feat, Roxanne rewards you with the STONE BADGE!


BRAWLY: FIGHTING DUDE
---------------------

 ------------------------------------
| BRAWLY'S POKEMON | LV | DIFFICULTY |
 ------------------------------------
|Machop            | 16 |   Simple   |
|Meditite          | 16 |   Tricky   |
|Makuhita          | 19 |  Annoying  |
 ------------------------------------

The two types that will win you this battle are Flying and Psychic. You
can still pull it out of your ass with other types (except Normal, Rock,
and Steel), but those two are the best. Machop has a good variety of 
decent Fighting moves, like Karate Chop and Low Kick. You should also
look out for Bulk Up, which will raise both its Attack and Defense
score (all three of his dudes have that). Meditite is a little comp-
licated because it's also part-Psychic, and will do the Psychic attack
Confusion. It also has Focus Punch, a move that will probably KO your
guy with one hit if you don't watch out (however, just attacking it
while it's trying to concentrate will nullify that). Finally, there's
Makuhita. This dude is seriously ready to blow you away with Vital
Throw, Seismic Toss, and Reversal (which will increase in damage the
less HP it has). Take all of that plus the fact that Brawly will use a
Super Potion on it means you might be battling this thing for a while.
No matter, just try to keep attacking it with your strongest move and it
will die (if it doesn't kill all of your dudes first). For winning, you
receive the KNUCKLE BADGE.


WATTSON: ELECTRIC DUDE
----------------------

 ---------------------------------------
| WATTSON'S POKEMON | LV |  DIFFICULTY  |
 ---------------------------------------
|Voltorb            | 20 |  Explosive   |
|Electrike          | 20 |  Kinda Easy  |
|Magneton           | 22 |    Tough!    |
|Manectric          | 24 |  Kinda Hard  |
 ---------------------------------------

Electric is a tough type because it only has one weakness: Ground. If 
you have one of those (or something with a Ground attack) keep it out 
there (also, Electricity canít even touch it). First out will be the 
real powerball: Voltorb. It's extremely fast and will probably use Self-
destruct right away (a kick-ass attack that will kill itself and most 
likely your dude as well). Make sure you have a Pokemon with high De- 
fense out against it, or you might be using that Revive you just found 
on Route 117 already! Electrike ain't so bad, but it will try to Par-
alyze you with Thunder Wave (plus its Ability gives it the opportunity 
to Paralyze you if you even Attack it), so good thing you bought some 
Parlyz Heals (you did, didn't you?)! Magneton (evolution of those Magne-
mite you faced on Cycling Road) can become an itch with a B, if you 
catch my drift. If you have a Ground type, you're in business. Other-
wise, Fighting or Fire works well against the Steel part of it (so does 
Water, but you may just get zapped straight to hell if you try that).
Finally, Walrus Wattson sends out his loyal Manectric. This thing is
Electrike's evolution, so the same applies here as well. It likes to do
this Shock Wave move, an okay Electric attack that is guaranteed never
to miss, and also likes to sneak a Quick Attack in every now and then.
Keep chipping away at its HP with whatever (as you try to get around the
Super Potion and Sitrus Berry it will use) until it's finally defeated.
The Walrus Man will give you the DYNAMO BADGE.


FLANNERY: FIRE (HOT) CHICK
--------------------------

 ------------------------------------------
| FLANNERY'S POKEMON | LV |   DIFFICULTY   |
 ------------------------------------------
|Numel               | 24 | Semi-difficult |
|Slugma              | 24 | Not difficult  |
|Camerupt            | 26 |Pretty difficult|
|Torkoal             | 29 | VERY difficult |
 ------------------------------------------

When I say "Difficulty", I MEAN DIFFICULTY! Flannery's Numel is exactly
the same as Maxie's Numel down to its level and moves. Sure it has Ember
and Magnitude, plus a new Overheat attack that's like Ember times two,
it shouldn't be any match for you with Water (most other types are okay
as well). I said before that Slugma is the worst Fire type in the game,
and this girl's dude is no exception; kill that thing. Watch out for
the move Sunny Day; it will make sunlight shine in the arena and cause
Fire moves to increase in power (yikes!). And now for the final two
flammers (that sounded wrong). Camerupt will be a formidable opponent
with the Sunny Day/Overheat combo, plus the Attract move hiding up its
sleeve. If you can, keep a female out against it, otherwise switch out
or use the Red Flute if your guy is "immobilized by love". A Water type
will kill Camerupt as easy as its pre-evolution. Then comes Torkoal.
This turtle's shell gives it high Defense and Special Defense, so not
even a Water move could KO it as quick as you'd like. Like Camerupt, it
also has Attract, so try to keep a female in battle (why would you fall
in love with a fire-breathing turtle?!). The worst part about this is
when it uses Overheat, its Special Attack will drop like usual, but then
it will restore that with a White Herb (clever, but cheap). A girl Water
Pokemon it still the best against this, but look out for Body Slam (it
may just Paralyze you and your hopes of winning). When you finally get
around Torkoal's high Defense and Flannery's three Hyper Potions, she
will admit defeat. She'll award you with the HEAT BADGE.


NORMAN: NORMAL EMBARRASSING DAD
-------------------------------

 ------------------------------------------
| NORMAN'S POKEMON | LV |    DIFFICULTY    |
 ------------------------------------------
|Spinda            | 27 |   Pretty easy    |
|Vigoroth          | 27 | Fast and furious |
|Linoone           | 29 |  Simple to beat  |
|Slaking           | 31 |Sorta challenging |
 ------------------------------------------

All of your father's Pokemon are Normal-type, so Fighting types are good
on offense while Steel and Rock can easily stand up to it defensively.
First out is Spinda, which will try to Confuse you right from the gecko
with Teeter Dance (I can see why such an annoying dance can confuse
somebody). Also, most of his Pokemon will use a semi-powerful attack 
called Facade, which will actually increase in power if the user is 
Poisoned, Burned, or Paralyzed (so I would stay away from infecting 
status conditions if I were you). Vigoroth is super fast and super
strong with Slash and Facade (here's where you might need those Super
Potions if you have them). Just try to kill it with the strongest attack
you've got. Linoone (Zigzagoon's evolution) will also try the same tac-
tic as Vigoroth, but it's nowhere near as powerful. KO it with whatever.
Next, you'll realize why it truly is good to be the king. Slaking has
high HP, Attack, Defense, Speed, Special Defense...okay, everything! It
will use Focus Punch to finish your dude if you don't attack him in
time, plus Facade if you think it's a good idea to Poison it or some-
thing like that. It's also holding a Sitrus Berry (which heals 30HP when
down) and your dad has 5 (yes, f-i-v-e) Hyper Potions to restore it com-
pletely when you begin to think you've got this battle won. What makes
Slaking a tiny bit easier is that it will only attack every other turn,
giving you the opportunity to heal or make your move one extra turn 
while it's "loafing around". Finally, when its all over, your father
will give you the BALANCE BADGE.


WINONA: FLYING CHICK
--------------------

 ------------------------------------------
| WINONA'S POKEMON | LV |    DIFFICULTY    |
 ------------------------------------------
|Swablu            | 29 |  Below Average   |
|Tropius           | 29 |     Average      |
|Pelipper          | 30 |     Average      |
|Skarmory          | 31 |     Average      |
|Altaria           | 33 |  Above Average   |
 ------------------------------------------

What makes this leader so easy is that Winona is basically the same as
Norman level-wise, and you've done quite a bit of training since you
battled your dad! Swablu will try to attack using Mirror Move, which
sends whatever move you just did right back at you. Kill it with what-
ever and move on. Tropius can be rather pesky with Synthesis, a self
healing move that will work very well if it uses Sunny Day. However, a
good Fire, Poison, Ice, or even a fellow Flying type will dispatch with
it easily. Pelipper is also annoying on the defensive side with Super-
sonic (Confuses you) and Protect (automatically blocks your attack). It
is double weak against Electric, so zap it right away. Skarmory is al-
ready tough with its part Steel type, but nothing a Fire or Electric
can't handle. Look out for Aerial Ace: a tough Flying attack that is
guaranteed never to miss. Finally, the Flying/Dragon Altaria comes out
to play. This thing will use Dragon Dance the first three turns in order
to get its Attack and Speed higher than it already was (and it WAS good
to begin with). Do not send an Electric type out; it will one-hit-KO you
with Earthquake (the game's best Ground attack). This thing is double
Super Effective against Ice, but chances are you don't have one of those
attacks in your lineup (if you do, be my guest). Gee, I use a lot of
parentheses, don't I (like right here)? Anyway, when Winona is defeated,
you'll receive the FEATHER BADGE!


TATE & LIZA: CREEPY PSYCHIC TWINS
---------------------------------

 ---------------------------------------------------
| TATE & LIZA'S POKEMON | LV |      DIFFICULTY      |
 ---------------------------------------------------
|Claydol                | 41 |Good combo with others|
|Xatu                   | 41 | Play off Flying type |
|Lunatone               | 42 |Rock weak against many|
|Solrock                | 42 |Rock weak against many|
 ---------------------------------------------------

The Psychic Twins start things off with a little Claydol and Xatu. All
of their dudes are Psychic, but they all have another type that you can
feed off of. Use Surf or a stronger Water attack against half-Ground 
Claydol, but its high Special Defense might make it hang around for
quite a while (or at least longer than you want it to). Flyer Xatu can
be food for your Electric type, but thus the folly of the double battle:
Claydol will use Earthquake on the other side, which is clever because
it can't affect its partner (nor the other two as well). Also, as with
any Psychic type, look out for the powerful move Psychic (as if you
couldn't see it coming). The two Rock/Psychics, Lunatone and Solrock,
come to bat next, but I don't think they're anything to worry about.
Water once again works well, but Solrock has the best Grass attack in
the game (Solarbeam) along with an additional move that makes it faster
and more powerful (Sunny Day). Dark can be a good type to use in this 
Gym, but I believe the very best element to use here is the mighty Ice. 
All of them are weak against it, so if you have an Ice attack, or a dude
you taught an Ice TM to (most Water Pokemon are eligible), try using
that mofo against these identical freaks. Once the victory is yours, the
MIND BADGE will be in your possession.


JUAN: SUAVE WATER DUDE
----------------------

 ----------------------------------------------
| JUAN'S POKEMON | LV |       DIFFICULTY       |
 ----------------------------------------------
|Luvdisc         | 41 | Get it out of your way |
|Whiscash        | 41 |   Sell it some Grass   |
|Sealeo          | 43 |      Punch it out      |
|Crawdaunt       | 43 | Just don't try Psychic |
|Kingdra         | 46 |Good luck with this mofo|
 ----------------------------------------------

Ave Maria! This guy's Pokemon are sorta-maybe-not-really tough! First
is the only pure-Water, Luvdisc, whose job is to basically confuse you
with Sweet Kiss and die. Try to kill it before it has the opportunity to
do so. Get your Electric off the field when Whiscash comes around; it 
has Earthquake and its part-Ground type won't allow it to be damaged
anyway. Grass is undoubtedly your best bet. Sealeo's half-Ice, now put-
ting your Grass dude in jeopardy. Electricity works well, but its Def-
ense is a little lower than its Special Defense, so a Fighting attack
actually works better (like that Brick Break thing you got in this
city). You might notice the move Water Pulse. If not, you must have ADD
or something because that's pretty much all Juan uses (get your head out
of your ass and pay attention)! It does a decent amount of damage, plus
has a 20% chance of Confusing (although we already weren't confused by
Juan's debonair to begin with...or maybe that's the hair spray fumes).
Have your Full Heals/Persim Berries/Yellow Flute ready. Crawdaunt's a
Water/Dark, so really anything but Psychic works here (but Grass, Ele-
ctric, and Fighting are still recommended). Look out for Crabhammer! It
doesn't really do much, but it sounds cool to say. And finally, the
mighty Kingdra returns! It has no weakness but obscure Dragon things,
to which it can counter with Ice Beam. Find some strong accurate move
to chip away its HP. However, when you think it's in the bag, BAM! Juan
uses good old Rest (which not only restores all HP, it cures status
conditions as well). Take advantage of the two turns of Sleep to beat it
down once again. Keep doing this and the RAIN BADGE will be yours (which
looks a lot like the Triforce from the Zelda games...how original).


SIDNEY: DARK DUDE
-----------------

 --------------------------------------------
| SIDNEY'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 --------------------------------------------
|Mightyena         | 46 |      Fighting      |
|Cacturne          | 46 | Fighting/Fire/Ice  |
|Shiftry           | 48 | Fighting/Fire/Ice  |
|Crawdaunt         | 48 | Fighting/Electric  |
|Absol             | 49 |      Fighting      |
 --------------------------------------------

Most of his dudes have a high attacking non-Dark move along with Swords 
Dance (which ups Attack even more). But no matter since a majority of 
these Pokemon have crappy Defense, making it easy for your Lv50+ guy 
with a Fighting move to just beat the crap out of them. Also, look out 
for that annoying Swagger thing, which if you forgot, increases your 
Attack but also Confuses you so you hurt yourself even more. However, if 
you can manage five One-Hit-KOs, there's absolutely no reason to dwell 
on any of this crap.


PHOEBE: GHOST CHICK
-------------------

 --------------------------------------------
| PHOEBE'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 --------------------------------------------
|Dusclops          | 48 |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Banette           | 49 |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Banette           | 49 |     Dark/Ghost     |
|Sableye           | 50 |       NONE!!!      |
|Dusclops          | 51 |     Dark/Ghost     |
 --------------------------------------------

Phoebe is the hardest to match types with, but as long as you have a
powerful attack of practically any type (except for Normal, Fighting,
or Poison), you'll do fine. If you taught Shadow Ball to a non-Ghost
or non-Psychic dude, it seems to perform pretty well against these guys.
Keep in mind that Sableye isn't weak against anything, but strong moves
like Surf, Earthquake, Thunderbolt, etc. will take it down with no prob-
lem. The only caveat here is the Lv51 Dusclops carries some powerful
crap (Ice Beam, Earthquake, Rock Slide, and Shadow Ball). Virtually the
only type not weak against at least one of these moves is Water, so have
your Surfer out and hope for the best.


GLACIA: ICE CHICK
-----------------

 --------------------------------------------
| GLACIA'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 --------------------------------------------
|Sealeo            | 50 | Electric/Fighting  |
|Glalie            | 50 | Fire/Fighting/Rock |
|Sealeo            | 52 | Electric/Fighting  |
|Glalie            | 52 | Fire/Fighting/Rock |
|Walrein           | 53 | Electric/Fighting  |
 --------------------------------------------

Fighting attacks like Brick Break will perform magically in here as 
well. The first thing Glacia does is use Hail, which will chip away at 
any Pokemon on the field that are not of the Ice type (aka: only you). 
It's doesn't do much, so don't worry about it (it will stop after about 
five turns anyway). Just zap the Sealeos and burn the Glalies (or punch 
out the whole lot). Walrein is the evolved form of Sealeo, but it has a 
move you should probably watch out for: Sheer Cold. It only has a 30% of 
hitting, but when it does, your Pokemon is automatically KOed. End of 
story. However, it can't work on anything higher leveled then the user, 
so it's all good if you are Lv54 or higher.


DRAKE: DRAGON DUDE
------------------

 -------------------------------------------
| DRAKE'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -------------------------------------------
|Shelgon          | 52 |     Ice/Dragon     |
|Kingdra          | 53 |       Dragon       |
|Flygon           | 53 |     ICE/Dragon     |
|Altaria          | 54 |  ICE/Rock/Dragon   |
|Salamence        | 55 |  ICE/Rock/Dragon   |
 -------------------------------------------

Here's the toughest member of the Elite Four with the toughest type in
the game: Dragon. However, they're aren't all that powerful or hard to
beat (Lance could run circles around Captain McAllister here). As you
can see, Ice works for the most part, as three of his dudes are double
Super Effective against it. For Kingdra, just do what you did with
Juan's: find some strong and accurate move to chip away its HP. Beware
if your Ice dude is actually Ice type; Flygon and Salamence have attacks
that Ice Pokemon are weak against (Flamethrower, Rock Slide). Also, Sal-
amence will use the mighty Dragon Claw on you, which might take away
more HP than you would really want. Hey, that's what items are for (they
aren't just pretty decorations)!


WALLACE: WATER CHAMPION
-----------------------

 ---------------------------------------------
| WALLACE'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 ---------------------------------------------
|Wailord            | 57 |   Electric/Grass   |
|Tentacruel         | 55 |  Electric/Psychic  |
|Gyarados           | 56 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|Whiscash           | 56 |       GRASS        |
|Ludicolo           | 56 |   Flying/Poison    |
|Milotic            | 58 |   Electric/Grass   |
 ---------------------------------------------

This is really just a fight with a tougher version of Juan. Right here
is why an Electric dude is so important, so just use it to zap four of
his Pokemon (including the one that's doubley weak). Make sure to get
your Electric type out of there when Whiscash comes around. You didn't
have to bring one, but Grass will take care of it in no time. Otherwise,
a few other types work nearly as well (like Water for instance). Unless
your Flyer is dual-type, it hasn't done anything yet, so give it some
action against Ludicolo if you brought it with you (if not, most other
things are fine too). Most of Wallace's guys have an Ice attack, so
Grass isn't recommended against anything but Whiscash. Also a few have
Toxic for some odd reason; make sure to put your Full Heals to good use.



 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                                         |            |
|                       RIVALS GUIDE                      |  flu shot  |
|                                                         |            |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Pokemon games in the past have added in a "rival" to spice up the game
(and piss you off with his cockyness every once in a while). Well in
Emerald, they're nice enough to give you five rivals! While Brendan/May
is probably the official one, we can't forget Wally, Archie, Maxie, and 
Steven either (although we would probably like to). Here's a section on 
what they have and how to squish their faces into the ground.


ROUTE 103: BRENDAN/MAY
----------------------

This is the first trainer battle you'll engage yourself in. Brendan/May 
will have the weakness of whatever you chose as your first: if you have 
Treecko, he/she has Torchic; if you have Torchic, he/she has Mudkip; if 
you have Mudkip, he/she has Treecko. If you leveled up your guy at least 
once or twice with the wild Pokemon, this will be cake. Just keep att-
acking it and remember you have a few Potions in case you own HP is low.



RUSTBORO CITY: BRENDAN/MAY
--------------------------

 -------------------------------------------------------
| RIVAL BATTLE #2 |   POKEMON   | LV |   WEAK AGAINST   | 
 -------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Lotad        | 13 |Flying/Poison/Bug |
|   is Treecko    |Torchic      | 15 |Water/Ground/Rock |
 -------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Slugma       | 13 |Water/Ground/Rock |
|   is Torchic    |Mudkip       | 15 |  Grass/Electric  |
 -------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Wingull      | 13 |  ELECTRIC/Rock   |
|    is Mudkip    |Treecko      | 15 | Fire/Flying/Bug  |
 -------------------------------------------------------

His/her first dude shouldn't be that tough, seeing as how they're all 
relatively weak Pokemon at that low of a level. It's the second guy you 
should be worrying about. Don't bring out your starter! Remember, they 
have the weakness of whatever you have. If you happened to catch a Poke-
mon that has a type advantage over your opponent's starter, by all 
means, USE IT! If you don't, that really should be something on your 
"Get Right Away" List.



ROUTE 110: BRENDAN/MAY
----------------------

 ---------------------------------------------------------
| RIVAL BATTLE #3 |   POKEMON   | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    | 
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Lombre       | 18 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|   is Treecko    |Wingull      | 18 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|                 |Combusken    | 20 |Water/Psychic/Flying|
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Slugma       | 18 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|   is Torchic    |Lombre       | 18 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|                 |Marshtomp    | 20 |       GRASS        |
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Wingull      | 18 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|    is Mudkip    |Slugma       | 18 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|                 |Grovyle      | 20 | Fire/Flying/Poison |
 ---------------------------------------------------------

You and Brendan/May should be about the same level, if not higher. Also
like Brendan/May, your starter should have evolved to its second form.
Unlike Brendan/May though, you should win this battle. Lombre will prob-
ably try to Poison or Paralyze you, but it's easy enough to beat none-
theless (especially if you use items or berries). If you caught an Ele-
ctric type just now, try it out now if your rival sends out a Wingull
(by the way, if a type in the "Weak Against" column in in capital
letters, it's Double Super Effective when hit by it; pretty much a one-
hit-KO). And for Slugma, really anything can deal with it. It's your
rival's starter that you should be concerned with...again. Combusken
is part Fighting, so it's actually easier to kill with a Psychic or
Flying dude. Marshtomp is ONLY weak against Grass, so easily KO it with
that (and if you chose Torchic and don't have a Grass by now, FREAKING
GET ONE!). You should get rid of Grovyle easily with any one of the
mentioned types next to him in my handy-dandy chart. Once you are the
winner, Brendan/May will continue to act like a douchebag, but he/she
will give you an ITEMFINDER.



MAUVILLE CITY: WALLY
--------------------

All Wally has is that Ralts you helped him catch back on Route 102, but 
it has reached Lv16. This should be easy because you're probably above 
him in level, and all it has to kill you with is Confusion (not quite a 
Grade-A Psychic attack).



MT. CHIMNEY: MAGMA LEADER MAXIE
-------------------------------

 ---------------------------------------
| MAXIE'S POKEMON | LV |   DIFFICULTY   |
 ---------------------------------------
|Mightyena        | 24 |    Toughest    |
|Zubat            | 24 |Are you kidding?|
|Camerupt         | 25 |Cake with Water |
 ---------------------------------------

Maxie starts things of with probably the hardest Pokemon in his arsenal, 
Mightyena. Its ability will cut down on your Pokemon's Attack, so I'd 
suggest going for something a little Special (Water, Grass, Fire, etc). 
It will constantly Bite you, which has a good chance of causing your 
dude to flinch, so look out for that. After it's dead, things get a 
little easier. Zubats are always easy (it should be evolved by that 
level, though) so take it down with whatever. Note that Maxie will 
switch out if he doesn't like the matchup. Camerupt is a pretty tough 
opponent, that is unless you have a Water-type. If you do, take advant-
age of the double weakness and bring it down. If you're missing a Water, 
this may be somewhat difficult. Its favorite move is Magnitude, which 
will randomly do any amount of damage (and sometimes it can be deadly). 
Use your strongest attack on it and hope that it's good enough to kill 
it (also know that it's weak against Ground, so if you have a Geodude or 
Numel with Magnitude of your own, now's a good chance to use it).



ROUTE 119: BRENDAN/MAY
----------------------

 ---------------------------------------------------------
| RIVAL BATTLE #4 |   POKEMON   | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    | 
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Pelipper     | 29 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|   is Treecko    |Lombre       | 29 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|                 |Combusken    | 31 |Water/Psychic/Flying|
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Lombre       | 29 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|   is Torchic    |Slugma       | 29 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|                 |Marshtomp    | 31 |       GRASS        |
 ---------------------------------------------------------
| If your starter |Slugma       | 29 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|    is Mudkip    |Pelipper     | 29 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|                 |Grovyle      | 31 | Fire/Flying/Poison |
 ---------------------------------------------------------

Brendan/May has the same Pokemon he/she did before, only higher leveled
(but still not higher to where you're supposed to be). Just beat down
your opponent's Pokemon the same way you always do, and make sure you
bring out a type advantage over his/her starter. When you are proclaimed
the victor, you'll receive HM02!



LILYCOVE CITY: BRENDAN/MAY
--------------------------

 ---------------------------------------------------------
| RIVAL BATTLE #5 |   POKEMON   | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    | 
 ---------------------------------------------------------
|                 |Tropius      | 31 |  ICE/Fire/Flying   |
| If your starter |Pelipper     | 32 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|   is Treecko    |Ludicolo     | 32 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|                 |Combusken    | 34 |Water/Psychic/Flying|
 ---------------------------------------------------------
|                 |Tropius      | 31 |  ICE/Fire/Flying   |
| If your starter |Slugma       | 32 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|   is Torchic    |Ludicolo     | 32 | Flying/Poison/Bug  |
|                 |Marshtomp    | 34 |       GRASS        |
 ---------------------------------------------------------
|                 |Tropius      | 31 |  ICE/Fire/Flying   |
| If your starter |Slugma       | 32 | Water/Ground/Rock  |
|    is Mudkip    |Pelipper     | 32 |   ELECTRIC/Rock    |
|                 |Grovyle      | 34 | Fire/Flying/Poison |
 ---------------------------------------------------------

All your rival did was add a Tropius to his/her lineup, so kill it like
you did all those other times you faced this Pokemon. Your starter
should be fully evolved right now (Sceptile, Blaziken, or Swampert), but
your rival's isn't, so take major advantage of this lapse of reason.



MAGMA HIDEOUT: MAGMA LEADER MAXIE
---------------------------------

 -------------------------------------------
| MAXIE'S POKEMON | LV |     DIFFICULTY     |
 -------------------------------------------
|Mightyena        | 37 |  Tricky but simple |
|Crobat           | 38 |    Fast but easy   |
|Camerupt         | 39 |  Strong but basic  |
 -------------------------------------------

While he has technically the same Pokemon as before, they are more
powerful and have different attacks. Mightyena likes Swagger, that thing
that increases your Attack but Confuses you, but you can just use a Full
Heal or Persim Berry to get out of that. Look out for Take Down though,
a move that's Tackle x3. While Crobat is a crapload better than its pre-
evolution that he dared battled you with on Mt. Chimney, it's still
nothing to worry about. It might have the Speed advantage over you, but
a good Electric, Ice, or Psychic attack will kill it in a jiffy. Camer-
upt has upgraded to Earthquake, which as you should know, is one hell of
a Ground attack. It also has Take Down, Flamethrower, and Rock Slide, so
it has many ways of beating you up. But, unless your a complete idiot
(which is possible since you're relying on me for help), you should have
it drilled in your head that this Pokemon is Double Super Effective
against the Water type. Give it a good Surf and the battle is over!



MOSSDEEP CITY: MAGMA LEADER MAXIE
---------------------------------

 ----------------------------------------------
| TEAM MAGMA'S POKEMON | LV |   WEAK AGAINST   |
 ----------------------------------------------
|Mightyena             | 42 |   Fighting/Bug   |
|Camerupt              | 36 |   WATER/Ground   |
|Crobat                | 43 | Psychic/Electric |
|Mightyena             | 38 |   Fighting/Bug   |
|Camerupt              | 44 |   WATER/Ground   |
|Golbat                | 40 | Psychic/Electric |
 ----------------------------------------------
|   STEVEN'S POKEMON   | LV |   WEAK AGAINST   |
 ----------------------------------------------
|Metang                | 42 |   Fire/Ground    |
|Skarmory              | 43 |  Fire/Electric   |
|Aggron                | 44 | FIGHTING/GROUND  |
 ----------------------------------------------

Alright, it's you and Steven versus Magma Leader Maxie and Admin Tab-
itha. Basically, here's what's happenin'. Steven's Steel Pokemon are
sort of at a disadvantage here because of their weakness to Fire and
Ground. Fortunately, Team Magma (or at least the computer AI) is too
stupid to pick this up, so chances are Metang won't faint as long as you
aren't sucking up the place. The good thing about having a partner like
Steven is that he takes care of things on the defensive side with moves
like Light Screen and Reflect (which protects both of you), so you can
just come out punching. Other than that, it's really a normal double
battle. I would suggest you take care of Maxie's Pokemon first since
they are the higher leveled ones (Tabitha will be helpless without her
"all powerful" boss).



SEAFLOOR CAVERN: AQUA LEADER ARCHIE
-----------------------------------

 ----------------------------------------------
| ARCHIE'S POKEMON | LV |      DIFFICULTY      |
 ----------------------------------------------
|Mightyena         | 41 |  Same old Mightyena  |
|Crobat            | 41 |   Same old Crobat    |
|Sharpedo          | 43 |Not too hard Sharpedo |
 ----------------------------------------------

You should seriously be used to Mightyena and Crobat by now! Sharpedo,
maybe not so much, but it's pretty easy. Just look out for Slash and
Swagger while you go shark hunting with Grass, Electric, or Fighting
attacks. As long as Jughead doesn't come in and help, Archie should be 
an easy foe.



VICTORY ROAD: WALLY
-------------------

 -------------------------------------------
| WALLY'S POKEMON | LV |    WEAK AGAINST    |
 -------------------------------------------
|Altaria          | 44 |  ICE/Dragon/Rock   |
|Magneton         | 41 |GROUND/Fire/Fighting|
|Delcatty         | 43 |      Fighting      |
|Roselia          | 44 |Fire/Psychic/Flying |
|Gardevoir        | 45 |   Dark/Ghost/Bug   |
 -------------------------------------------

Use his Altaria for practice, as you'll be facing a few Dragon/Flying 
dudes in the League. Ice him before it can effectively use its high 
Attack and Speed. Magneton has the cool Tri Attack, but it shouldn't be 
any problem against anything with Earthquake (or any other Ground 
moves). Delcatty? Ha! Just freaking kill it. Watch out for Roselia's 
Leech Seed, which will sap HP from your Pokemon every turn until you 
switch out. Otherwise you can just burn it to smithereens. Finally, the 
thing you helped Wally catch in the very beginning: fully-evolved Garde-
voir. High Special Attack plus Calm Mind plus the powerful Psychic att-
ack makes this one scary foe. However if you have a Dark Pokemon out 
there, Gardevoir cannot do ANYTHING against it! Not even Double Team 
will work if you use Faint Attack every time.



METEOR FALLS: STEVEN
--------------------

 ------------------------------------------------------
|   STEVEN'S POKEMON   | LV |       WEAK AGAINST       |
 ------------------------------------------------------
|Skarmory              | 77 |      Fire/Electric       |
|Claydol               | 76 |   Water/Grass/Ice/Dark   |
|Aggron                | 76 |  FIGHTING/GROUND/Water   |
|Armaldo               | 76 |     Water/Rock/Steel     |
|Cradily               | 76 |    ICE/Fighting/Steel    |
|Metagross             | 78 |       Fire/Ground        |
 ------------------------------------------------------

Skarmory is not too tough with a Fire/Electric dude. The worst it can do 
is use Spikes, which will hurt any switching Pokemon on your team for 
the rest of the battle (it's not much, but enough). Claydol's annoying 
because it already has high regular/Special Defense, but will use Re-
flect and Light Screen to up it some more. I say kill it with strong 
Water/Grass/Ice moves, but look out for Earthquake! Aggron is pretty 
&%$#ing tough because of its high Defense and moves (Thunder, Dragon 
Claw, Earthquake, and Solarbeam all in one dude). It's double weak 
against Ground, but Ground is weak against Solarbeam. If you happen to 
have a Camerupt, that Pokemon is perfect for this fight. Otherwise, try 
a strong Fighter to punch it out in one or two blows. Armaldo also has a
good arsenal of moves (Water Pulse, Aerial Ace, Slash, and Ancient-
power). Your best best is Water, so keep using Surf until it's done
with. Cradily is super-weak against Ice, but its Ancientpower could make
quick work of it (and if you only have a Water-type with an Ice attack,
there's still Giga Drain). To make matters worse, it contains a move
called Ingrain, which will replenish 1/16 of its total HP (it can add up
after a while if you don't keep attacking). Once again, there's always
Fighting. And finally, Metagross. This thing is "grossly" powerful in
practically every aspect, especially moves (Psychic, Meteor Mash, Earth-
quake, and Shadow Ball). A good Pokemon with Earthquake of its own is
your go-to-guy here, but keep an eye out for Meteor Mash (a wicked Steel
attack that produces one-hit-wonders against defensively weak stuff). If
you manage to pull off the victory, you really don't get anything but
the satisfaction of beating the toughest trainer in the game (it almost
seems like it wasn't worth it).



 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                                             |                        |
|                     FAQ                     |  shower to begin with  |
|                                             |                        |
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't walk the street nowadays without somebody stopping me and asking
some all-important question about a video game...or to mug me (that one
actually happens more). Well, here's where to find those questions and 
my informative answers to Pokemon Emerald. I've divided them up into 
three categories: Gameplay (how to do stuff within the game), Plotline 
(may contain spoilers), and Other (don't ask). Here you go:


GAMEPLAY
--------

Q: How the hell am I supposed to complete my Pokedex when I can't even
   catch most of the Pokemon just in Emerald alone?
A: Well, Mr. Lazypants, it's very simple. There are other Pokemon games
   to spend your hard-earned money on, and from there you must transfer
   those specific Pokemon into Emerald. The ones missing from your reg-
   ular Pokedex can be found in either Ruby or Sapphire. Those absent
   from the very beginning of the National Dex you must get from FireRed
   and LeafGreen. Some you even have to go to the Pokemon Colosseum game
   for the GameCube to pick up some Johto Legendaries. So...uh...yeah...
   good luck with all of that (suckers!).

Q: What's up with Feebas?
A: I think the real question is "What's up with those jerks at Nintendo
   for even creating Feebas in the first place?" First, you must have a
   Super Rod (you can get that in Mossdeep). Now depending on whatever
   phrase you told the guy in front of the Dewford Trend Club place,
   there are six specific tiles on the Route 119 river that you can fish
   up this thing (which is why you can't change the phrase after you
   reach this part of the game). It's difficult to find, but mostly you
   can pinpoint them on land instead of Surfing. Once you find that
   spot, MEMORIZE IT, YOU JERK! That will be a permanent watering hole
   for Feebas if, for some drug-induced reason, you actually want an-
   other. The good thing about Feebas is that it evolves into the fair-
   ly-good Milotic, but don't think it's that easy. To make it evolve, 
   give it Pokeblocks to increase its Beauty condition. Remember that 
   there comes a point where it will not take any more Pokeblocks, so 
   give it ones that will up Beauty a good amount (like Pamtres will). 
   Once Beauty is all the way up, level it once and you'll get a Milo-
   tic. Sure it's annoying and tedious, but...well...actually, no, it's 
   not even worth it! Damn you Japanese jerkwads!

Q: What password do I have to give the Berry Master's wife to get some
   special berries?
A: You can only do this once per game, so choose wisely. If you don't
   give a crap about contests like I don't, you might want to pick the
   Pamtre, just because of Feebas. Note that some of these words aren't 
   available until after you beat the Pokemon League. Here you go:
   SPELON BERRY: Increases mainly Cool; tell her "GREAT BATTLE".
   PAMTRE BERRY: Increases mainly Beauty; tell her "CHALLENGE CONTEST".
   WATMEL BERRY: Increases mainly Smart; tell her "OVERWHELMING LATIAS".
   DURIN BERRY: Increases mainly Cute; tell her "COOL LATIOS".
   BELUE BERRY: Increases mainly Tough; tell her "SUPER HUSTLE".

Q: How do I effectively win Pokemon Contests?
A: Hahahaha! You're a loser! Pokemon Contests are for chumps! I'm prob-
   ably just saying that because I suck at them, but *laughs mockingly
   at you*. I could never really get into these sort of things because
   they are boring and demeaning towards my Pokemon (unlike telling them
   to beat the crap out of each other). So I really can't help you here.
   But I'm not the sort of guy to let you hanging like that (although my
   family and friends tend to disagree). One of my fellow colleagues 
   here at GameFAQs happens to specialize on Pokemon Contests, and I'll
   give you the hyperlink as long as you pledge loyalty for me on all
   the other facets of the game (or believe me, I WILL FIND YOU...):
   http://db.gamefaqs.com/portable/gbadvance/file/pokemon_emerald_e.txt

Q: How do I get Jirachi?
A: There are a few different ways, and I'll list them from hardest to
   easiest (just to piss you off). First, you can go to the Nintendo
   Center in New York City and in there is a machine that will give you
   a random Pokemon. You have and 1 in 1000 chance of actually gettting
   Jirachi, but it's in there. An easier way was to pre-order Pokemon
   Colosseum and get the special Jirachi bonus disk (you can probably
   find it on eBay if you cared enough). Of course, the fastest and
   easiest way is to use your handy-dandy GameShark (if you have one).
   I believe the code is "25214170 0AB256A2 D2BF38B5 7E300C38 6B012323 
   530CEE00 FFF032FD FAF9AFD2" but I'm not completely sure (e-mail and
   scream at me if I'm wrong).

Q: How can I breed Pokemon with no gender?
A: Match it up with a Ditto in the Day Care Center. Don't ask me how it
   is possible, just do it. However, legendaries such as Rayquaza, 
   Kyorge, Groudon, Regice, Registeel, Regirock, Latias, Latios, Jir-
   achi, Raikou, Suicine, Entei, Lugia, Ho-oh, Articuno, Zapdos, Molt-
   res, Mewtwo, Mew, and Celebi are unable to breed no matter what (boy,
   that's a mouthfull).

Q: How can I evolve my Pokemon by taming/happiness?
A: It's a long arduous task, but it's the only way to get kickass dudes
   like Crobat. First of all, catching it with a Luxury Ball helps the 
   process go faster. Just keep it in your party at all times. Don't 
   store it in your PC, don't trade it, and don't let it faint. Using it 
   in battle also helps out a lot, along with letting it hold Berries 
   and such. If it's infected with Poisoning, Burn, etc, heal it right 
   away! Also, hold items like the Soothe Bell and stuff like that helps 
   the Pokemon like you a little more as well. Check up on it every now 
   and then with the lady in Verdanturf. When she says it can't like you 
   and more than it does now, level it up one more time (don't use a 
   Rare Candy). Your Pokemon will now evolve. Wasn't that fun?!

Q: What if I got rid of my Dig TM before accessing the Sealed Chamber?
A: One of the biggest problems with Pokemon Emerald is that TM28 (Dig) 
   is so vital to completing a pretty important sidequest...and yet 
   thereís only one of them.  Whatís up with that?!  But there is still 
   hope (even though itís really tedious to do). Two Pokemon in Emerald 
   know Dig naturally, only at very high levels: Trapinch at Lv41 and 
   Nincada at Lv45. I suggest Trapinch because it learns it a little 
   earlier and you can get it at a higher level (itís found in the Route 
   111 Desert). However you canít let the Trapinch evolve at all until 
   Lv41, so give it an Everstone or keep pressing B when it wants to. 
   An easier way to do it depends on whether or not you have three 
   items in your possession: another Game Boy Advance/DS, a link cable/
   wireless adapter, and Pokemon FireRed/LeafGreen. If thatís the case, 
   you're a big fat nerd like me, but also you can trade over a Diglett, 
   which learns Dig at Lv17. I bet that'll teach you never to dump any-
   thing fairly important ever again (like my stupid dad did with his
   tax stuff just before we got audited).

Q: What's up with Shoal Cave?
A: Well, Shoal Cave relies on the old-fashioned scientific principle of
   tides (how barbaric). High tide occurs between 9-3 (AM and PM) and
   you can only collect Shoal Shells then. Low tide occurs between 3-9
   (AM and PM) and you may get Shoal Salt (plus access the Ice Zone if
   you care). Get four of each and the old dude in there can make you a
   Shell Bell. Mazel tov!

Q: What's up with shiny Pokemon?
A: All Pokemon (except Legendaries) can be an alternate color. You know
   it's shiny when stars flash in front of it as soon as you see it. As 
   cool and amusing it may seem (I know that shiny things amuse me a 
   whole lot), the chances of encountering a shiny dude in the wild is 
   about one out of 8192. So don't even consider catching all shiny for 
   each Pokemon.

Q: How do I...?
A: Either look within my walkthrough or e-mail me personally. I'm sure
   I'll get back to you quickly because I have nothing better to do.



PLOTLINE
--------

Q: So what's the deal with Team Aqua and Team Magma?
A: Practically every Pokemon game's antagonist is a sinister corrupt
   organization bent on reeking havoc somehow across the Pokemon world.
   In Emerald, we have Team Aqua and Team Magma. However, you would not
   be alone in thinking, "Wow, these guys suck!" In the other games, the
   Team whatevers are sort of cool and they actually attempt stuff that
   may throw the entire world into chaos. Team Aqua and Team Magma are
   really just a bunch of crazy hippies who are upset because the Repub-
   licans still control the White House (or something like that). The
   way I see it is that Team Aqua are the "Save the Whales" hippies, and
   Team Magma are the "Save the Rainforest" hippies. They disagree on
   that topic so much that they split up and fight each other instead of
   trying to take down "the man" (or whatever they like to call people
   better than them nowadays). Compared to the other Teams, these blow.
   I mean, come on! Team Rocket had this mafia thing going on and would
   constantly practice corporate takeovers (what's not cool about that).
   Team Cipher from the GameCube games was like this sweet underground
   ghetto resistance movement, and everyone has been in one of those
   some time in their life. And Team Galactic (the bad guys for the up-
   coming Pokemon Games, Diamond and Pearl, set to be released in Amer-
   ica sometime in April 2007) sort of sound like a spooky-ass cult,
   much like those Hale-Bopp suicide freaks back in the nineties. While
   they sort of tied it all together with Groudon and Kyorge and Hoenn
   being somewhat equal between land and ocean, the subplot in this game
   is a little disappointing, and I KNOW disappointing (I've been that
   all of my life!).

Q: Um, who's Steven again?
A: Well, if you'll remember from the beginning of the game, Steven is
   the President of Devon Corp.'s son. Other than that, he had a real
   downgrade from the Ruby/Sapphire games. Instead of just being some
   guy who would help you out every now and then, he was the mother-
   freaking Champion! I don't know what he did to get that stripped away
   from him ("I did not have sexual relations with that woman"), but 
   Wallace became the new Champion instead of the Sootopolis Gym Leader. 
   At least it was sort of cool that you battled WITH him at the Moss-
   deep Space Station, and then you can battle him if you like at Meteor
   Falls (he does have stronger Pokemon than before).

Q: What's up with Scott?
A: After you help Wally catch his trusty Ralts, this jerk in sunglasses
   comes up to you once you try to leave Petalburg. Eventually, you
   learn his name is Scott and likes to stalk...I mean...look after
   tough trainers. Once you beat the League, Scott bumps into you on the
   SS Tidal and asks you to come to the Battle Frontier. He is actually
   the owner, and he has dreamed of a place of that kind of battling
   magnitude until he got rich from his pimping money (albeit that last
   statement was a mere assumption on my part).

Q: What's the difference between the whole Magma/Aqua subplot in Emerald
   than it is in Ruby/Sapphire.
A: By far the biggest differences between the three games is this right
   here, and for good reason. In Ruby/Sapphire, you only have to take on
   one of the teams, which corresponds to what game you're playing (Aqua
   for Sapphire, Magma for Ruby). They pretty much do the same plans,
   only do it with a little spin on it so it pertains to them. Whatever
   team happens to be your adversary occupies the Hideout east of Lily-
   cove (Magma too). The largest change occurs after Groudon (for Ruby)
   or Kyorge (for Sapphire) is unleashed on the world. Instead of find-
   ing Wallace and going to the Sky Pillar to alert Rayquaza and all of
   that, all you must do is enter the Cave of Origin and face your leg-
   endary right then and there. What sucks is that you cannot even pro-
   ceed with the game until Groudon/Kyorge is either caught or gone for-
   ever, practically forcing you to make the decision whether or not you
   are willing to go through the trouble to nab this thing. Catching it
   is a little easier because it's only Lv40 here and the attacks are
   toned down a bit, but still, it's complicated, and you can't go on
   until you get it or kill it, never to return. Emerald changed this
   part of the game mostly to include Rayquaza, but to also save the
   legendaries' capture for later in the game (and probably also to show
   off its graphics with those pointless cutscenes). Also, the game was
   a little biased towards Aqua, because Magma's Hideout in Ruby was
   right by the ocean, and Groudon must be found underwater in the Sea-
   floor Cavern. Obviously, that makes little/no sense.

Q: What are some other differences between Emerald and Ruby/Sapphire?
A: This is something Pokemon has done every series: they release two 
   games that are very similar except for a few minor things, then they 
   come out with a third game in the same region and same plot, but with 
   some sort of twist. It's more or less Nintendo saying to themselves, 
   "Okay, here's where we screwed up on the previous two, here's what we 
   fix in a third game to get more money." Hey, it works!
   In Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire...
   - Instead of the whole Battle Frontier, it was just the Battle Tower.
   - There is no Trainer Hill, nor Battle Tents.
   - There were four different halls for Pokemon Contests, one for each
     difficulty level (they were replaced by the Battle Tents).
   - The Pokemon don't move when you send them out for battle.
   - Wallace was the Sootopolis Gym Leader, Steven was the Champion, and
     Juan was south of the border where he belongs.
   - The choice between Latias and Latios is automatically determined by
     which version you're playing.
   - Double Battles only occur with two trainers that you cannot battle
     separately, nor can you team up with another and fight (i.e.: that
     Steven thing in Mossdeep).
   - You cannot get the fossil you didn't pick in the Desert Underpass.
   - Instead of Match Call, you get Trainer's Eye; pretty much the same
     thing only jerks can't call you (I'd rather have that!). However,
     you cannot have a rematch with a Gym Leader in Ruby/Sapphire.
   - Most notably, the National Pokedex doesn't exist. You cannot catch
     or trade in Pokemon that isn't in the 200 spots in the regular
     Hoenn Pokedex.
   - You can catch Surskit, Meditite, Roselia, Zangoose, and Lunatone
     in either Ruby/Sapphire (for Emerald, you must trade them in).


OTHER
-----
Q: Can I use your walkthrough for my own bidding?
A: Hell no, punk! The only people allowed to use this are GameFAQs and
   its other CNET affiliates without my permission. But seriously, do 
   you really want to take away something from a guy like me who has 
   hardly anything else in his poor deprived life. That's just cruel, 
   man, CRUEL.

Q: A/S/L?
A: Um...yeah...how do I know you're not a stalker out to kill me and my
   family and take all our worldly possessions? If you are, you're pick-
   ing the wrong person for this (there are way more interesting people
   to kill other than me), but I won't take any chances.

Q: Have you ever completed the Pokedex?
A: Yes in at least one game of each series (Yellow, Gold, Sapphire, and,
   if it counts, LeafGreen). It's hard to do and yields no reward what-
   soever, but it sort of a good feeling inside that you did it...if
   you're like me.

Q: Are you on drugs?
A: What? Who told you that? You can't prove anything! YOU'RE A LIAR!
   *snorts* LIAR!

Q: What are all the Pokemon portable RPGs and their release dates?
A: Kanto Series: Red (9/30/98), Blue (9/30/98), Yellow (10/1/99)
   Johto Series: Gold (10/15/00), Silver (10/15/00), Crystal (7/29/01)
   Hoenn Series: Ruby (3/17/03), Sapphire (3/17/03), Emerald (5/1/05)
   Kanto Remakes: LeafGreen (9/9/04), FireRed (9/9/04)
   Upcoming Sinnoh Series: Diamond (4/22/07), Pearl (4/22/07)

Q: Is it true that dogs can die from eating chocolate?
A: Although this subject has been highly misconstrued through the ages,
   it is a fact that members of the canine species and the sweet biprod-
   uct of the cacao tree can make a deadly combination. Chocolate con-
   tains an enzyme called theobromine, which does not bold well with
   a dog's intestinal tract. Although a single M&M won't kill your poor
   little puppy, theobromine can be toxic to dogs in heavy quantities.
   Regular milk chocolate, like Hershey Kisses or store-bought cookies,
   are the least fatal, while semi-sweet and baker's chocolate can mean
   serious trouble for your loveable four-legged friend. Symptoms of
   chocolate poisoning include vomiting, diarrhea, restlessness, in-
   creased urination, and an excessive heart rate. Contact your veter-
   inarian for any questions or worries you may have on this subject.

Q: Just wondering, how many times did you use the word "crap" in this?
A: 126 times total, including variations such as crappy, bullcrap, crap-
   load, and crapshait. It's a good word.


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|                                                  |                   |
|                 CREDITS & THANKS                 |  don't be French  |
|                                                  |                   |
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There are so many people I'd like to thank that made his monstrosity
possible, but only a few of them made the cut. Sorry, Grandma.

- Thanks Nintendo for making Mario, Pokemon, Zelda, and many other great
  video games series. I know I rip on you a lot, but without you, I'd
  be spending my time reading, doing schoolwork, and talking to my fam-
  ily. Thank you for preventing me from doing anything productive.

- Thanks to various websites such as Serebii, Pokemon Elite 2000, Psy-
  poke, and even good old GameFAQs for various information about crap 
  that I was too stupid to know.

- Thanks to those voices in my head that force me to do stuff like this.

- Thanks to my parents for creating me. I don't know what you were drin-
  king while I was in the womb, Mommy, but how about you share some.

- Thanks to my teddy bear. You're still the only one who'll hug me.

- Thanks to the GMWFF (The Give Mitchell a Wii for Free Foundation) for
  all of your support. If you would like to contribute, please send your
  donations to the address found on the GMWFF website. Your help will
  provide all the needy people in the world (aka: me) with the basic
  essentials for survival (aka: a Wii).

- Thanks to Cinemax! Although I cannot see you clearly, your semi-scram-
  bly-ness is enough to keep me satisfied.

- And thanks to you for taking your time to read this thing. It means a
  lot that I could actually be helpful to people for once in my life. Or
  make even more people out there hate me. Whatever works.


Copyright 2007: Mitchell Linton.


Happy gaming out there! See you in the asylum!