Review by Dalimyr
"Just buy a bible instead"
The Bible Game is, as you may guess by the title, a game about the bible. It's a bit of a shock, I know, but it really is. The game was developed and published by Crave Entertainment.
Before I get into this review, let me just clarify that I am not really fond of religion and religious texts. However, that is not to say that I dislike the game purely because of its content shoving religion down my throat. Anyway, with that minor point covered, on with the review.
The introduction to The Bible Game shows a family sitting down together and talking about the "Armor of God". The kids (a brother and sister) ask their parents what it is, and are told that it protects us from deceivers, liars who cause us to make mistakes (more about them in a minute). The kids get excited and want to see the Armor of God, but are told that you can't see it - you gain it by following the teachings of the Bible. Suddenly, for no real reason, you're then told that the Master Deceiver (who bears a striking resemblance to Satan) has escaped. This is where the game begins.
Upon starting the game, you choose to play as either the son or the daughter from the family in the introduction. The game places you in a churchyard and you have to run around its maze-like pattern searching for deceivers.
The game really fails to announce the objective at the start, though it's pretty simple - the Armor of God has been split into different pieces that are hidden inside churches. The keys to these churches have been broken up and each piece is held by a deceiver. By finding and defeating deceivers, you can collect the pieces of each key, put them together and collect the pieces of the Armor of God. Deceivers look like little devils, and they shoot fireballs at you if you get close to them. The way to defeat them is to chase them down - when you get to them, your character (the little boy or girl) holds a bible up to the deceiver and you're asked a few questions based on biblical passages. You're asked a series of questions and must answer a certain minimum (3 out of 5, for example) to defeat the deceiver. If you succeed, you defeat the deceiver and get the key piece. If you fail, it escapes and goes somewhere off-screen and you have to hunt it down again and answer more questions. Get all of the questions right and as well as getting the key piece, you'll get an extra life.
The deceivers aren't your only obstacle in getting the Armor of God, however. They also have 'pets', which are called herra ticks. I thought some of the herra ticks look a little bit like headcrabs from Half-Life, but you don't have to worry about them jumping on your face and turning you into a zombie - that's a little too sacrilegious to be in a game of this nature. Instead, they just chase you down, hiss and jump at you and take off a little bit of your health. You kill them by jumping on and squashing them.
Once you've defeated all of the deceivers on one level and collected one piece of the Armor of God, you've got to do it all over again to collect another piece. One level is no different from any other, and if you can actually stand the gameplay long enough to finish one level, you won't really want to play another.
In a word, "abysmal". Run through maze, find deceiver, answer a few questions, rinse and repeat...
Satan (known as the "Master Deceiver" in the game - is it taboo to call him Satan or The Devil in a religious game?) has escaped and some little kid must prove that s/he knows about God so that s/he can wear the Armor of God and save everyone from the Master Deceiver. It's even worse than the old cliched "Big bad boss has kidnapped the princess, and you must save her" story that's oh-so-common in many games.
Absolutely nothing special...the isometric view gives the illusion of 3D but nothing more. The characters and backgrounds are poorly drawn, the characters are poorly animated and backgrounds aren't animated at all.
The music is pretty awful and is looped over and over again, but the voices of the people saying "I think I saw a deceiver over there" are nice and clear.
Play Time: 1/10
If you can put up with the tedium of the game, it can probably be completed in around an hour or two, depending on your knowledge of the bible...if the tedium gets to you, it'll last just a matter of minutes.
There's nothing new to experience by replaying the game (i.e. you can't play through the game again with some special items or something), but the game has 1,500 questions, many of which you wouldn't have answered the first time through.
Overall Rating: 12/60 = 2/10
To be quite honest, this 'game' is appalling. Don't bother spending money on it - if you want to learn about the Bible, just buy a Bible and read it.
Reviewer's Rating: 1.0 - Terrible
Originally Posted: 08/28/06
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