*******************************************************************************
*                 TOEJAM AND EARL 2: PANIC ON FUNKOTRON                       *
*                            FAQ/WALKTHROUGH                                  *
*                                                                             *
*                          Guide By:  SloDeth                                 *
*                                                                             *
*                      v1.1      February 21, 2001                            *
*******************************************************************************

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Table of Contents
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I.  Intro/FAQ
   What is this game?
   What's the story behind the game?
   Which is better: the original or the sequel?
   Who is better: Toejam or Earl?
   What's your high score?
   How about some general advice before I begin?

   Is this the latest version of the guide?
   Can I use your guide on my website?
   Can I send you e-mail?

II. Walkthrough
   Level One: Funky Forest
   Level Two: Homey Street
   Level Three: Lower Funkytown
   Level Four: Snowy Street
   Level Five: El Choice-o Grande
   Level Six: Outerspace Place
   Level Seven: Slammin' Slopes
   Level Eight: Danger Alley
   Level Nine: Pesky Place
   Level Ten: Squidly's Pad
   Level Eleven: Mount Funkerhorn
   Level Twelve: The Funky Foliage
   Level Thirteen: The Funkotronian Moon
   Level Fourteen: Mayhem Mountain
   Level Fifteen: The Bottomless Pit
   Level Sixteen: The Crazy Chasm
   Level Seventeen: Home Stretch Meadow

III. Friends List
IV. Enemies List
V. Version History
VI. Contact Info





============
I. Intro/FAQ
============

******************
What is this game?
******************

This is the funky sequel to Toejam and Earl.  While the gameplay is completely
different, it stars the same characters that made the original game famous.
It came out in 1993 on the Genesis, and you can probably find it at any decent
used game store.

*********************************
What's the story behind the game?
*********************************

In the original game, Toejam and Earl crashed on Earth.  They collected the
pieces of their spacecraft and flew back to their home, planet Funkotron.
Unfortunately, they brought some Earthlings back with them.  The Earthlings are
wreaking havoc on planet Funkotron!  The great funkopotamus is cowering in
fear, and the funk is disappearing.  It's your job, since you brought the
Earthlings here, to ship them back to Earth and bring back the funk!

********************************************
Which is better: the original or the sequel?
********************************************

The original, no contest...but they really don't compare.  They're completely
different games and should be regarded that way.

******************************
Who is better: Toejam or Earl?
******************************

This one is just personal preference.  The differences are very minor, so pick
either one.  I tend to lean towards Toejam...

***********************
What's your high score?
***********************

1,439,500.

*********************************************
How about some general advice before I begin?
*********************************************

In each level, you must find the Earthlings that are plaguing your planet.  You
will only be able to exit once you find and capture them all.

Some more general advice...

-If you want lots of goodies, search behind every bush, tree, and under each
manhole...they could be anywhere.

-Read each sign you see.  This is the only way you'll learn new moves and such.

-Talk to each character.  They will progress the story and reveal secrets!

-Push anything you can - buttons, rocks with eyes...

-You never have to put money into meters...but it can't hurt.  There's no other
use for coins, unless you want 100pts each for them at the end.

-When you press Start, you have three options: Funk Scan, Panic Button, and
Funk-o-vac.  They all use specific items, as you can see on the HUD.
*You can hold 99 Funk Scans.  These scan the area and show you what's around.
You can see hidden entrances, warps to secret areas, items behind trees, and
any enemies.
*You can hold 5 Panic Buttons.  When you use one, you run madly around the
screen for about ten seconds, spraying Jars around.  This is pretty much
useless, since the Jars rarely hit.
*You can hold 5 Funk-o-vacs.  These are very cool - they suck up all the
enemies on the screen.  You should use one any time there are around four tough
enemies on the screen to save time and health.

-When you press A, you perform a Funk Move.  This uses the same item as the
Funk Scan.  It warps you a short distance across the screen.  Use this to warp
through walls to get to new passages.

-In many of the levels, you will see a character with a boombox and a meter
nearby.  Put a coin in the meter and you can jam out with it.  Press buttons 
and match the rhythm it tells you.  A is a shAka, B is a Boom, and C is a Clap.  
You'll understand when you see it.  The more awesome you do, the more Funks(or
points) you receive.  The rhythms get progressively harder until it is
nearly impossible to get a perfect score.

-Levels six through fifteen each have one of Lamont's favorite things.  You
don't have to collect them all, but if you do, the ending will change
dramatically!  I've included instructions for finding all ten of them in the
walkthrough.  (note: 'dramatically' here means 'the text varies slightly and
you get a few extra points')

-You gain an extra life at every 10,000pts.  This is very often - I had almost
half a million points at the end of my first run through the game.
Unfortunately, you can only hold six at a time, so I did not have almost fifty
extra lives.

****************************************
Is this the latest version of the guide?
****************************************
It depends.  If you got it from my website or from www.gamefaqs.com, it is
the latest public release of the guide.  If you got it from 
vgstrategies.about.com, it is probably the latest version, give or take a day.
If you found it at any other site, it may not be the latest version.

***********************************
Can I use this guide on my website?
***********************************
It depends.  Here's how it is:

YOU MUST E-MAIL ME(slodeth@iname.com) AND ASK FOR PERMISSION!

You may not make any changes to it.  You can ask, but the answer will be "no"
 in almost every case.

You cannot make it seem like you wrote the guide yourself IN ANY WAY.  It must
 be clear that it is my original work.

You may not re-write it yourself in your own style.  It's called plagiarism.
 Even if you change every word, plagiarism is the theft of IDEAS.

If I grant you permission by E-mail, you should give me an E-mail address which
 I can inform you about updates to the guide.

If I grant you permission by E-mail, you should give me a hyperlink to the web
 site on which you post the guide.

**********************
Can I send you E-mail?
**********************
Yes, but PLEASE read the Contact Info section at the bottom of the guide!


===============
II. Walkthrough
===============


***********************
Level One: Funky Forest
***********************

This level's a nice introduction.  Be sure to read each sign so you know what 
to do in this game!  I'll explain everything that's not crystal clear...

*1* Right after the sign that explains your radar.  The sign doesn't mention
that the arrow is red when it points to an Earthling, and it is green when it
points to the exit.

*2* Near the first one, hiding in a tree.

*3* Take a big jump on one of the springs to the right.

*4* After you capture the third Earthling, press the button.  You'll be
teleported right near the fourth Earthling.

That's it!  When you fall in the water later in the stage, swim around and grab
some presents.  Swim to the surface, and exit to your right by holding right
and pressing Jump.

In this area, you'll meet Peabo, your jammin' buddy.  Try this thing out!

***********************
Level Two: Homey Street
***********************

*1* He's right at the beginning.

*2* He's behind a bush to the left of the skull and crossbones sign.  Be
careful - this tourist has a camera, and you'll take damage any time the light
hits your eye.  Press down to guard yourself.  You'll need good timing to
defeat this guy.  Also, you can jump in the air and try to shower him with
jars, but it's more risky.

*3* She's to the right of the bubble gum bubble.

Jump on the bubble, and it will take you to a bonus level.  If you can't find
it, just look around at the top of the hills.

*4* He's further down the hill.

When you jump off the cliff, you'll find a platform if you drop jars as you
fall.  If you jump left from this area, you'll find a button that unlocks some
super jars.

*5* Below this platform is the fifth Earthling.

*6* She's in the bush right by the first flag, right of the water pond.

*7, 8, 9*These are in the same area, all the way to the right.

If you continue right through the wall, you'll find a secret area.  Go back
left into the first water area.  Go down as far as you can, then right and up
into Underfunk.  There's not much of interest here...all the way right is the
entrance to Mac Daddy Meadow.

*10, 11* In the air in Mac Daddy Meadow.

****************************
Level Three: Lower Funkytown
****************************

Right at the entrance, put a coin in the meter and you'll warp up.  Do some
fancy, twisting jumps and try to score high!

*1* She's just left of the spring board.

*2* He's a little farther.

*3* Push the rock all the way to the side and look under the manhole cover.

Be sure to find the secret here!  Right of the rock, before you begin going up
the hill, go through the lower wall to the right.  Go all the way right until
you stop, then push up to go through the doorway.  If it doesn't work, use a
Funk Scan.  Inside, Trixie will give you infinite coins until the end of the
level!  Enjoy!

*4-7* They're in the hole to the right of the flag.

*8, 9* After you get out of the hole, you'll find two more down the hill.

*10* In the next area, a Boogieman will pop out.

*11, 12* After that, two girls will come running at you.

*13* It's a Boogieman again.

*14, 15* One is in the second tree after the flag, and the next will jump out
of the next tree.

If you can stay balanced on the bubble up the hill, you'll get four presents,
worth a total of 2,000 points.

*16-19* When you reach the cliff, you'll find four Earthlings directly below
it.  You can catch a ride back up to the platform(with three buttons) if you 
want.  Push the button in the middle FIRST!

*20, 21* From that platform, jump to the right until the arrow points down,
then just fall down.  Capture the two Boogiemen here.

*22, 23* Press the buttons here until you teleport.  The Earthlings are to the
right.  Go back left and underwater.  Go to the next exit to the right.  You'll
find a little secret cave...

*24* Return to the surface to the right.  Jump diagonally left and continue
left until you find a meter.  Capture the Boogieman.

*25-30* After you cross another big lake, you'll find four dogs and two 
Boogiemen waiting for you on the shore!

*31* On Bluerock Blvd., a Boogieman will pop right out.

*32* A photographer is down the hole.

*33, 34* A Boogieman and a dog are to the right.

Uugh...there are Earthlings everywhere!  There's about ten others that I can't
list here.  Go all the way right and do a crouch-jump up.  Go left and capture
any Earthlings you can find.  The exit is to the right.

************************
Level Four: Snowy Street
************************
From now on, I'm not going to list the locations of all the Earthlings.  I'll
only describe any confusing areas and hard-to-find Earthlings.  The radar
should be enough!

In the first area, just slide your way through the level.

In the second area, Earthlings will start jumping out and surprising you.  Just
continue on...this level is very, very straightforward.

After you tumble down a very long hill, swim to the left and look behind the
two bushes to find the final Earthlings.  Take the left button and continue
right to the exit.

******************************
Level Five: El Choice-o Grande
******************************

Go with the left door...it's much, much better than the other doors.  Fall and
collect as many as you can - stay towards the right when you can.  When you 
reach the ground, go right into the Peasant Meadow.

Be cautious in here.  You can't see the dogs that will jump out, so just take
it slow.  Exit to the right into Stylin' Street.

About halfway through the place, you can enter the Fiery Furnace down low.
You'll need to capture an Earthling near the entrance, but you shouldn't bother
going in it.  There are a few presents running around, but it's dangerous.

A little past that area is another springboard, near a door.  Enter the door
and fall on the springboard.  Go over to the right in the air and you'll find a
platform with some presents.  Do a Funk Scan and you'll see a secret door - 
push the rock over until you can enter it.

When you reach the right wall, don't take the door unless you really want some
points.  It's more trouble than it's worth.  Press the button and take the new
door.  Go right into Bustin' Bubbles.

This place is tough.  Work your way upward, killing Earthlings any chance you
get.  If the arrow ever points downward, jump towards it and see what you can
find.  The exit is at the top.

***************************
Level Six: Outerspace Place
***************************

In the first area, press the button and fall to the bottom.  Collect food as
you go down to heal yourself to full.

In the next area, enemies are scattered around as usual.  Use a Funk Move(A)
to get that photographer inside the hill.  This is the first time in the game
you NEED to use it.  The secret TJ mentions is only an 800-point present, and 
it's a very difficult jump.

When you reach a big springboard much further in the level, you'll find a bunch
of secrets around the area.  Before you start bouncing around, Funk Move into 
the wall directly to the right of the board and capture the Earthling.  Start
bouncing and land on a platform to your left.  Press the button and jump up the
bubbles.  When you reach a button at the top, you'll fly to an area with two
nice presents and another button that warps you back to the springboard.
Capture some Earthlings, then exit to the upper right.

In the next area after Peabo, you'll find another big springboard.  *UPDATE*
Jump from the springboard into the left wall to find Smoot.  Capture the
Earthlings in the nearby area, then swim to a new platform.  You'll quickly
find a meter - put coins in it and the two after.  Press the button and you'll
warp to a platform farther back in the level.  Press the right button to get
some presents, then go over to the left side of the platform.  Run off to the
right, but don't jump.  You'll land on a platform and the rest of the
Earthlings are directly to the right.  *UPDATE* On the last platform in the
area, do a Funk Scan and enter the secret door.  Grab the chocolate pickle.

In the next area, don't waste your coins on the meters...just head to the exit.

****************************
Level Seven: Slammin' Slopes
****************************

As soon as you capture this first Earthling, three dogs will jump out at you.
Be careful!  The next area is pretty straightforward.

When you reach the Awesome Arctic, you'll immediately find a Boogieman roaming
around.  When you jump over the cliff, just hold Right and you'll jump over the
pit and the lake(nothing but presents inside).  You'll land right on an area
with some Boogiemen running around.  On the next edge, jump far off to the
right and land on the bubble.  Jump off it quickly to the right.  Get over to
the next platform in the air, jumping on the springboard if you must.  Capture
the flying cow, then make your way around and back down to the left to collect
any Earthlings you missed.  The exit is in the upper right.  *UPDATE* Before
you leave, go down and talk to Bloona.  Follow the arrows until you reach a
wall, then do a Funk Move.  Use a Funk Scan and enter the secret door.  Get the
red sneakers.

*************************
Level Eight: Danger Alley
*************************

Danger Alley is right!  The first area is a constant assault by the Earthlings,
but don't worry - you'll regain your health at the end.  Near the beginning of 
the level, you'll see a platform in the middle of the air.  Jump up to it
(squat-jump by holding Down) and press Up.  You'll enter another secret area, 
where Trixie will grant you instant height on the spring boards.

In Hip Hop'n Way, go through the level until you pass a few springboards and
you find two trees with Earthlings in them.  Go left through the wall and do a
Funk Scan.  Enter the Unbelievably Secret Place.

When you're done there, get back to the platform with the two trees.  Go right
and around until you find the farmer TJ.  Walk off the cliff so you fall
straight down.  This platform has about six Boogiemen, so take it VERY slow.
A Funk Vacuum is not a bad idea.  When you reach a more open area, do a Funk
Scan and enter the Ever-So-Secret Area near a tree.  *UPDATE* Before you leave
the level and after you talk with Sharla, check the bush near the end on the
platform.  Talk to Peabo, then go back and talk to Otis, then talk to Peabo
again.  Go back to Otis and Funk Move through the right wall.  Do a Funk Scan
and enter the secret door.  Get the picture and enter the next area.

The next area is simple.  There is food everywhere, and you'll only find two
Earthlings flying around.

In the Caverns of Coolness, work your way right first, then go back to the
entrance and work your way up.  The exit is in the upper right.

***********************
Level Nine: Pesky Place
***********************

Another typical level.  When you reach the big cliff, swim down into the nearby
lake.  Take the second rightmost exit underwater to get to the next area.
After you look around this place for awhile, find a manhole cover near the top.
Jump up some hidden platforms here to find a platform with dogs and a tourist.

The enemies are very scattered in this level.  When you see a hole with two
arrows pointing to it, fall down and hold Right.  Make sure you capture all
the Earthlings around here before you move on.  Also, be sure to follow TJ's
instructions - at the entrance to the pit, fall down and hold Left.  Do a Funk
Scan and enter Alexander's Place.  You get a house plant named Alexander.

************************
Level Ten: Squidly's Pad
************************

This level is very straightforward.  Even the areas with many Earthlings are
soon followed by enough food to replenish you.

At the end of La Place du Funque, fall in the water.  Swim all the way to the
rightmost exit.  Yes, it's the Way Cool Cave!  Follow Lester's instructions and
get the eyeballs.  The real exit is left of this one, but you'll need to swim
pretty far to get around to it.  By the way, the enemies above the pond are
on a completely different path.  Return to the beginning of the pond, press the
button, and work your way up.

In Qwerpwacky...what?, press the button in the upper left until you reach the
top.  Go right to the exit.

******************************
Level Eleven: Mount Funkerhorn
******************************

In the first area, you'll soon find a big slide.  Drop as soon as you reach the
edge instead and capture some Earthlings.

After you go past the cliff, you'll find a button to press up high in the air
that leads to a cavern.  There are two cows deep inside this cavern.

Back on the surface, you'll see an up arrow.  When you jump up, you find an
invisible platform.  Follow the signs up until you can capture the Dream Fairy.
Keep on going up further, and eventually you'll find Bloona.  Talk to her, then
go left onto a big slide.  Let it take you to a new area with a bunch of
springboards.  At the end of this area, you'll find Peabo.  Press the button
and return to Bloona.  Talk to her, then head back to that cavern(fall and
walk left until you find the button).  Jump through the wall to the left, then
walk all the way left until you can see an open area.  Do a Funk Move.  The
secret door is between the button and the meter.  Get the ceiling fan.

A little past this place is a wall which you must scale by choosing between
two doors four times.  The correct order is left, right, left, then left.  The
exit is to the right.

*******************************
Level Twelve: The Funky Foliage
*******************************

The first area is filled with Boogiemen, but it shouldn't be a problem if you
take it slow.  Don't waste your Coins on the meters here.

In the second area, take the first underwater passage you find.  Swim through
it, but jump over the next water passage.  Two tourists will pop out of the
trees, and another one will stay in the rightmost tree, so be careful.  When 
you finish here, go all the way back left and press the button.

In Flarney's Fat City, you can find Flarney deep underground.  Get underground,
jump on the springboard to get over the left wall, and talk to him when you see
him.  Capture all the enemies here, and go to the right until you find the
entrance to the next area.

There are two entrances to the Boogie Down Caves.  I recommend you start with
the lower one and work your way right and up.  When you see a hill with five
crossbones signs on it, you've found the Boogie Man Cave.  Funk Move in and
capture all the Boogiemen here.  A Funk Vacuum is not a bad idea.  While you're
inside, Funk Move right to find Lewanda.  The rubber ducky is on a platform
very, very close to the exit of the level.

*************************************
Level Thirteen: The Funkotronian Moon
*************************************

Take the very first bubble here.  Go up and talk to Otis.  This probably isn't
the fastest way, but go back down and fall straight down.  Press the button
and ride the bubble up to the second floor, where you find a door.  Go in it,
then jump on the bubble and go up.  There's the X-sign, so hop on the bubble.
At the end of the path, press buttons until you find a door.  Go right of this
door and into the secret entrance.  Get the slug.

The level is basically divided into three parts.  Each of those three bubbles
leads somewhere.  I recommend you clear out the bottom, top, then middle parts
of the level.

*******************************
Level Fourteen: Mayhem Mountain
*******************************

Another short, straightforward level.  Smoot tells you to go to the top of the
mountain.  Stick to the upper path for awhile until you see three arrow signs
above a springboard.  Jump on it until you reach the next path, but don't use
it yet.  Squat-jump up and left to a secret platform, squat-jump up twice and
jump right onto the mountain.  Go right until you find Lewanda.  Talk to her,
then go right to the up-arrow sign.  Squat-jump up to Bloona and talk to her.
Go between them until Bloona tells you to look for three flags.  It's hard to
describe how to find them, but they're southeast of Smoot.  Try to make your
way around the hill.

As usual, the exit is to the far right.

*********************************
Level Fifteen: The Bottomless Pit
*********************************

This level has four main areas.  In the center of the level, a pit cycles
around.  You can hold left or right to get to each of the four paths.  Start
with the top-right path: the Hype Hills.

In the Hype Hills, if you keep going right, you'll find Flarney.  Talk to him
and follow the balloons to Otis.  In the Door Dilemma, the correct path is
left, upper right, right, upper left.  Be sure to check each of the bushes -
the final one has 6,000 points in it!

Talk to Sharley and enter the door.  Save yourself some money here and use a
Panic Button to cross the fire.  Capture the Earthlings in the next area, then
go back.  Press the button and use a Funk Scan about halfway through to find
the Scorchingly Secret Spot.  In here, balloons point to two different secret
doors.  Take the right one first to get the pillow.  Return to the Bottomless
Pit.

Two down, two to go.  Fall down and hold left to get to Bubble Blvd.  Go left
until you find a button.  Press it, and you'll land on a long platform.  There
are three bubbles to your left - ride the middle one until you find a new land
with Earthlings.  Clear out this area and press the button to return.  Clear
out the Earthlings in the upper right and return to the pit.  Go to Hot 'n
Bothered in the lower right.  It's very simple - head to the upper right and
capture the Earthlings.  Return to the pit and fall down.

******************************
Level Sixteen: The Crazy Chasm
******************************

What makes this chasm so crazy?  Well, when you enter the door, it takes you to
an area that's nearly identical.  Clear out the Earthlings from BOTH of the
chasms, then enter the Final Battle to the right.

This place is tough.  Go forward until you see a button with two arrows
pointing at it.  Press it, and talk to Peabo.  Leave the place by pressing the
button.  Down the hill, you'll see another button.  Press it, and three enemies
will pop out.  Use a Panic Button if you want.  Further up the hill, be careful
not to fall in the hole in the hill.  Jump over the slight incline and capture
all the Earthlings in the area first.  Be sure to check the trees.  When you're
ready, fall in the hole and hit a Panic Button or a Funk-o-vac.  Kill as many 
as you can, then do Funk Scans to see where the rest are.  Be aggressive!  
Finish them off, and go to the left.  Funk Move left and press the button.  Now
that you have captured all the Earthlings, go left until you reach the water. 
Go deep underwater and look for the exit to the left.

************************************
Level Seventeen: Home Stretch Meadow
************************************

This level shouldn't be a problem...enjoy!

In the end, you get points for the remaining items...

Funk - 100pts each
Coins - 100pts each
Panic Buttons - 900pts each
Funk-o-vacs - 1000pts each
Super Jars - 800pts each
Lives - 10,000pts each


================
III. Friend List
================
Bloona - A big, orange alien who's always chasing after Peabo.

Chester/Lester - A short, yellow alien.  You never find out if he has a twin
brother or not.

Flarney - A blue, big alien with two heads who can't seem to give you decent 
directions.

Genzer - A brown alien with big teeth.

Jerome - A blue, fishy alien with one big eye.

Lamont - The famous funky hippopotamus.

Lewanda - Toejam's love interest.

Ms. Pubbly - A strange, yellow alien.

Otis - A brown farmer alien who always carries his hoe with him.

Peabo - A short, green alien. Doesn't like it when Bloona feeds him candy bars.

Sharla - A blue, female alien who cries most of the time.

Slumpy - A short, blue alien with spidery fingers.

Smoot - One cool blue alien wearing a green blazer.

Snood - A green alien with nine eyes.

Squidly - A short, orange alien that looks like a squid.

Trixie - A green mermaid who grants you special powers.

==============
IV. Enemy List
==============
Polka-dot Dress Lady - 100pts - She shouldn't be a problem.

Blonde Girl - 200pts - If you get close, she'll step on your feet!

Pink Dogs - 200pts - Surprise, they have a biting attack.

Black Baseball Guy - 300pts - Watch out!  He throws tomatoes at you.

Boogieman - 300pts - It teleports around and tries to scare you, just like a
blue alien..

Dream Fairy - 400pts - When he hits you, you trip out for a second or two.  It
doesn't hurt you, so don't worry about it!

Ghost Cow - 400pts - Well, it's a flying ghost cow.  If it gets too close, it
will posess you and drain a little bit of health.

Boy on Balloons - 500pts - He flies around and shoots spitballs at you.

Big Black Guy - 600pts - Has a jackhammer.  Try to stay in the air to avoid it.

Tourist Guy - 700pts - When he flashes his camera, you'll take damage unless
you are holding Down.

Tourist Lady - 800pts - It's just a little more difficult than the tourist guy.

Flying Carpet Duck - 900pts - Press Down to duck when it flies by.

Man in the Box - 1000pts - You can only harm him when he stands up and flings
tomatoes at you.

==================
V. Version History
==================
v1.1 - February 21, 2001 - Second version.  Fixed a thing here and there,
                           mostly by adding characters.

v1.0 - February 18, 2001 - First version of the guide.  Complete, as I see it.

================
VI. Contact Info
================

E-mail:    slodeth@iname.com
ICQ UIN:   15025844
Web Page:  http://go.to/SloDethFAQs


E-mail Rules:
Don't ask me questions that are already answered in the guide!  Search for it
   before you email me!  It will save you AND me some time.
Make sure you are reading the most updated version of the guide.
Include the name of the game or guide in the subject.  TJ+E is enough.
E-mail me just about ANYTHING: questions(not answered in the guide), comments,
   praise, criticism, requests...
Ask me if you can use this guide.  I will almost certainly let you, as long as
   you ask politely.
Don't E-mail me crap.  Don't ask me to join a website, like AllAdvantage.
   I've received way too many of those.
Don't spend any less than one minute writing your E-mail.  Check it over and
   make sure you used correct spelling, decent grammar, and capitalization.
AOL slang is not up to my standards.  Don't use "r u" instead of "are you" or
   anything like that.  It gets on my nerves.  If you do that thing where you
   cApItAlIzE eVeRy oThEr lEtTeR, don't expect a response.

ICQ Rules:
Do whatever you wish.  I don't care about ICQ very much.  Put my number on spam
   lists, tell it to your friends, and flood it with whatever you want.

What you can find at my web page:
-More info on me(in case you care)!
-Links to all of my guides!
-The most recent versions of my guides!
-HTML versions of my guides!
-Feedback forms, surveys, and some other crap!
-News on what I've done and what I plan on doing!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please do not distribute this guide in any way without my explicit permission.
I'm sure you could use it and mutilate it to your pleasing, but I'd appreciate
it if you write to me first.  I'm very willing to give out this guide, given
that it is not changed in any way.

Or, as they say, This document Copyright 2000 by Martin Silbiger.
                              .___.
          /)               ,-^     ^-.
         //               /           \
.-------| |--------------/  __     __  \-------------------.__
|-=====-| |>>>>>>>>>>>>> | />>\   />>\ |>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>:>
`-------| |--------------| \__/   \__/ |-------------------'^^
         \\               \    /|\    /
          \)               \   \_/   /
                            |       |
                            |{/\/\/}|
                            \       /
                             ^-----^
  _______  _        _______  ______   _______  _________  _      _
 /_______|| |      /  ___  \| ____ \ | ______||___   ___|| |    | |
| |       | |      | /   \ || |   \ || |          | |    | |    | |
| |_____  | |      | |   | || |   | || |____      | |    | |____| |
\______ \ | |      | |   | || |   | || _____|     | |    |  ____  |
       | || |      | |   | || |   | || |          | |    | |    | |
_______| || |_____ | \___/ || |___/ || |_____     | |    | |    | |
|_______/ |_______|\_______/|______/ |_______|    |_|    |_|    |_|