"Troma should stick to movies.."

To this day I cannot understand how Troma (a movie company majoring in low-budget flicks stuffed with violence, nudity, and gross-out humor) managed to morph their flagship film - The Toxic Avenger - into a kid-friendly animated series called Toxic Crusaders. It managed to crank out three video games, (which I'll have the *pleasure* of reviewing) before the cartoon and its properties faded into obscurity. I'd like to get this over as fast as possible, so - onto the review..

Graphics 6/10

The visuals aren't too bad for a 1992 Sega Genesis/Megadrive game, although the coloring of the sprites seems a bit muddy. The background environments are decent, and rather detailed - although they become less interesting as the game progresses. There is some variety among the enemy designs (goons in Hazmat suits, giant hornets, small mutated animals) but nothing to the point where you would be impressed. The animation is average at best, and the level designs are a wreck (the game just stops abruptly when a "stage" ends and after a moment of darkness a new one loads up). There isn't any real rhythm in the make-up of the stages, and you won't ever feel like your characters are actually traveling through Tromaville.

Sound 3/10

The music itself is below average, consisting of goofy tunes you would typically associate with the average cartoon-based title. The sound effects, however - are atrocious, especially the cars in the first level that sound like babies spitting up their pre-proceeded food. It doesn't get much better after that, as all battle noise is generic, uninspired, and brought nothing but a headache to me as I struggled to play-test this game.

Control 6/10

The first level really made by blood boil with the terrible cars that home onto the heroes and do nothing to the enemies. Moving around the pitfalls in the second stage was another annoying, live-guzzling experience I'd like to forget. When the protagonists weren't getting cheaply slaughtered by all the level-based hazards, they did control somewhat decently. I'm surprised to find there wasn't any response lag or slowdown. The button layout scheme worked well enough, I guess - although I wasn't really in the mood to do anything other than advanced through the game as quickly as I could.

Game-play 3/10

Here's the rundown of the first level - which is basically a mixture of a scrolling shoot 'em up and and the brawlers I usually enjoy playing. You start off on a skateboard with a gun built in, which you can upgrade to shoot in multiple directions by collecting orbs from slain enemies. The fun won't last long, though - as morons driving VW Bugs will due everything in their power to knock you off your ride and drain your life-bar as you wander around on foot. The beat 'em up portions are rather bland and underwhelming, as you pummel nonthreatening opponents into muck which you can either mop up or drink depending on which character you play as. You have a couple methods of attacking, like spinning, some projectiles, etc. and you can pick up some power-ups that increase your character's speed. There are a few interesting novelties - like hijacking enemy helicopters and shooting down a couple of the land-lubber baddies before wrecking the aircraft onto the ground. Even this is rather lame, though, as the chopper's machine-guns are weak and you spend more time aligning your cross-hairs onto the cannon fodder and gunning than you'll end up having the patience for. Even though it plays like a pure beat 'em up - the park level is almost as bad, featuring a section that has so many holes on the ground you'll likely to lose half of your lives trying to edge around them while dealing with enemies. My interest began to wane at this point, and by the following level - which was loaded with worthless platforming elements - I simply yanked the cartridge out of my system. I'd like to mention in closing that despite whichever of the three characters you choose - the first level's narration was limited to Toxie's perspective and just reeked of poor programming and product testing.

Replay value 1/10

Even with three moderately different playable characters (no two player co-op, though), Toxic Crusaders has no real appeal for me to ever come back to. While it wasn't as bad as Bebe's Kids, or Last Action Hero - the only people who would ever willingly complete this game are fans of the license or masochists wanting to post their torturous accomplishment on Youtube.

Overall 3/10

If you're a fan of the cartoon series by some chance, your time would be better spent tracking down the episodes on-line than wasting on this near-worthless game. You might come across a couple of copies of Toxic Crusaders at a flea market or wherever - but spending more than a dollar or two on one is just throwing your money away. I recommend all but the most hardcore Troma fans, Genesis collectors, or beat 'em up enthusiasts to avoid this.

Reviewer's Score: 3/10, Originally Posted: 08/19/07