"As bad as you've heard, and worse"

It’s one of the most told stories in video game’s history. It’s the tale of a promising game programmer named John Romero who decided to leave his alma mater of id Software to help found Ion Storm. One division of Ion Storm went on to make Deus Ex, one of the most defining first-person shooters of all. The other division... did not.

I remember the very first PC Gamer I ever bought; it was some time in 1997. It had Lara Croft on the cover, but boasted Daikatana’s first preview. It had some satisfying looking, Quake-II-esque graphics and pledged advanced AI. This was the start of Ion Storm’s flagship game.

Let’s be very, very honest. Daikatana was an ugly and mediocre game, its PC premiere a massive failure exacerbated by the fact that it was so strongly hyped and financially backed. Daikatana promised to revolutionary game, and Romero promised to make us his bitch. But the promise was unfounded, and the only bitching came from by those who threw away their receipt.

So, this makes it a clear candidate for porting over to the N64, right?

The plot is mostly inconsequential. Even if the plot was co-written by Orson Welles and Oscar Wilde, it couldn’t keep a game this inept afloat. If you don\'t want to waste your finite brain cells with it, skip the next paragraph.

Hiro Miyamoto is in his dojo one night in the distant future, when a creepy old guy informs him of a plot woven by the Capitalist leader of the world, whose name fails me, Judging on the subtlety that allowed Romero to name a character “Superfly Johnson,” the bad guy may have been named Evildude McI’mrealbad or something.

Anyway, McI’mrealbad sabotaged time with a powerful time-bending sword called Daikatana. He stepped back in time, stole a vaccine to a virus killing billions, claiming it his own, and the rest is history. The Ebihara are a generation of people who know the truth, and now request you to help them change history back to how it was.

Personally, I was wondering what’s the assurance that Hiro isn’t uncreated by the Ebihara changing history BACK and causing a paradox. Also, how do we know the Ebihara (particularly your sidekick Mikiko) are telling the truth? How do we know THEY don’t want to steal the vaccine for the whatzit and claim glory? All I can tell really tell about Mikiko’s personality is that her nipples stick out of her clothes. That makes he A-OK in my book.

Graphics: 3

Well, it WOULD have made it all right in my book... if all the characters didn’t look like something Boo Radley would leave in a hole in a tree. The Quake II graphics were bad on the PC, inexcusably bad for the time. Now, they have to be reduced even MORE to get them to fit onto the cartridge. All the textures are muddy like the original, but now are anti-aliased and blurry, too.

A severe problem with the graphics is the lack of head roll and footsteps. A thoroughly immovable gun is grafted to the center of your chest as if you were subject to Project Eisenfaust. (Wolf 3D, a better shooter by far, which Romero had a hand in.) You also seem to have hover boots, as you move as if not even touching the ground. The camera moves not one bit as you walk. This is not just a graphical failure; walking around on hover boots feels unnatural, and you don’t feel in control of the walking as you should. This troubles the controls, and shakes up any immersion you may have had.

Sound: 5

Sound is oddly absent, as there is little you ever hear. Voices are omitted, too. Don\'t too much care about sound anyway. The greatest failure is to come...

Gameplay: !!!

I\'m not giving this part a rating, because it would associate this amalgam of everything wrong with the FPS market with actual GAMES. This game isn\'t not fun to play. It is simply a complete and utter forfeit of energy and time to sit and operate it. (The word play doesn\'t feel right here.) Even though it’s PC roots are the QII engine, this version is ridiculously like Quake: the \'\'Shoot-an-enemy-and-if-you-have-more-health-than-him-you-win\'\' gameplay that preceded the discovery of fire. Romero has not added a damn thing into this game that we haven\'t seen in every FPS since Doom. And since he helped make Doom, I thought he’d know this.

Another problem are the enemies. Sharpshooting turrets hit you from roughly a lightyear away at times. For some reason, the designers thought Hiro wanted to be a transchronological exterminator, as your main enemies are itty-bitty bugs and frogs that for some reason pose a threat. I don\'t mind fighting bugs, but I do mind having to whip out an electron microscope to see what the hell is killing me.

When you do face a bipedal enemy, you’ll realize the enemies don’t have any damage modeling or recognition. A shot in the head hurts just like a shot in the leg. Worse, there only seems to be one death animation for every enemy. Seeing an enemy die the same way a million times looked odd enough with old games. Now, it\'s a testament to sloth.

But undoubtedly the worst thing is the completely overt, insulting help the system finds it necessary to give. The game makes the assumption that we have never played a FPS before. And even if we haven\'t, even if we just got off the boat from Amish country, even if we were tied to a post since we were born, we could understand that a switch near an elevator activates that elevator. I can\'t believe there is a cinema where Hiro explains this...

\'\'Hmm, this looks like an elevator. Maybe if I hit that switch, it will rise!\'\'

You think?? The switch nearby activates the elevator? You mean the ONLY switch near the elevator?? Come on; I’ve played Commander Keen (one of Romero’s earlier gaming contributions). I know a switch right next to something will activate what it’s next to. I know this. Why doesn’t Hiro? Does he have a learning disability?

I\'ve seen a lot of things that have insulted me in a game, but this had to be the most offensive. Why did the programmers waste their time programming this cinema?? Why are they condescending to us?? Why do think as lowly of us as they clearly do? I stared at the screen in stunned disbelief for a long time when this cinema appeared.

I’ve observed that a purposeful attempt at badness has ambition, which lacks in those things that are worse. Paradoxically, someone trying to be the worst isn’t going to be as bad as those who don’t try, but simply ARE the worst. I can say that Romero’s efforts were sincere, but ultimately flawed. Daikatana didn’t try to be bad; it just was. And it was agonizing.

Here’s my turn to come clean; in my first version of this review, I was unduly cruel to Romero throughout the review. I resorted to ad hominem, which is never good or fair. This was my first review posted at GameFAQs, and my second attempt at one. I knew, after growing significantly as a writer, I had to correct this.

You may have noticed I peppered this review with the good games he has had his hand in. I did this on purpose, to remind people that this is not the normal level of quality for Romero’s work. Since the first writing of this review, I have rediscovered a wonderful series of games; the Commander Keen series. Easily one of my favorite games ever; The “Goodbye, Galaxy” pair of games are absolute masterpieces.

Why do I bring this up? To remind you of two important things: First off, Daikatana is bad. No two ways about it. It’s atrocious, ugly and not at all fun. But we must remember what else Romero has helped flesh out at his days at id. Doom, Wolf 3D, Quake, Commander Keen 1-5. Romero has ushered in some really good games and one unusually bad one. Does this mean we should stone him for crimes against virtual entertainment? Did everyone forsake Rob Reiner after making North, even after making Misery and When Harry Met Sally? Was Lucas sent into exile after making Howard the Duck, and the Star Wars films ignored?

I hope my point is clear. Daikatana is a disgraceful game, and nobody should ever play it. We cannot forget this game happened, but also cannot ignore the contribution Romero has made to the entire industry. The good he has made must at least balance out the atrocity that is Daikatana.

In my first review, I didn’t even want to think of Romero having a career after this game. In this review, I say: Mr. Romero, I forgive you.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 04/25/01, Updated 08/06/03