"Do not worry Bokosuka Wars, we are laughing at you, not with you!"

Sometimes one finds a game that is quite horrible, and other games get the designation as unfit to be sold. However, Bokosuka Wars has surpassed even this level; whoever thought of making this monstrosity of a game should have been fired and sent to clown college. I swear, this game has absolutly nothing going for it, except one may laugh at its excecution, I know I did. ^_^

Graphics: 0/10: What are those things, anyway?

Yes, that reaction is very normal for one who is daring (or stupid) enough to play Bokosuka Wars. Let me describe the graphics, there is a black background, a bunch of poorly-drawn rocks, some stupid trees, and the sprites. Do not ask me what the sprites are, I do not know...I think the white one is the hero (who can be killed by one of the lesser enemies in one combat), the blue guys are the peasants and knights who join you (who are also dismal in combat) and the enemies. I do not know what the enemies are supposed to represent, so I just call them thingys.

To put it short, these graphics are worse than those found on the Atari 2600.

Sound 1/10: Cool the first time through, very annoying the rest of the time.

...And that is a huge liability, considering that the main theme is only about 10 seconds long. The theme constantly repeats itself, drilling into your skull every minute you play this game (I played it only 5 minutes though, a new world record!). The other two themes are very crappily done, with little tone variation. But of course, the sound effects rock, right? Heh, there are only two sound effects in the whole game, a ''battle'' (Hah) noise that sounds like sandpaper grating against gravel, and a little, almost non-existant bloop that occurs whenever you touch a tree that magically transforms into a person (Laughing yet?).

Some of the worst graphics in a video game naturally deserves horrid music and FX, right? We are not done yet, though. :)

Gameplay 0/10: This is where we start cracking up.

First I will tell you the story of this game; you have to walk 600 miles west in order to defeat the horrible lizard king. That is it, very nice depth, eh? Only one catch though, you have 50 weaklings that you have to find by toughing trees on your side, while the almighty lizard king has 180 powerful minions at his disposal, which can all destroy you in a single combat. Why is this, you ask? The outcome of the combats is COMPLETELY RANDOM! That is right, you have no control over your fate, and it is almost impossible to avoid the larger groups of enemies. Of course, you should probably avoid most of the enemies you encounter, but chances are that you will get into at least 20 battles. I have yet to survive past 7 battles, and that was my first (and only) time playing this game.

To summarize, the challenge in this game is insurmountable. I cannot see how anyone would be able to get past the first level without cheating. Then again, beating this game is no honor, heck, just by playing this game does one have bad taste (look at me!). When you lose (every time) you are greeted by a very funny (WOW! YOU LOSE!) screen that is so corny that I cracked up the first time I saw it. I STILL crack up when seeing this screen, for it is a testament to how dismal the game as a whole is.

If you thought the sound and graphics were horrible, the gameplay is a million times worse.

Control 0/10: Try getting around enemies, I dare you!

The controls in this game are VERY unresponsive because there is no animation at all in this game. You and your enemies magically teleport from location to location to move around, and 2/3 of the time you wish to move somewhere, chances are that nothing will happen. A strategy game is supposed to have great controls, since one needs to make split-second decision. Oh, and allow me to apologize for calling Bokosuka Wars a ''strategy'' game, since it is really more of a game of chance...but even compared to other games of chance, BW is really bad.

So, this is what being paralyzed feels like...

Overall 1/10: Trust me, you will not see another 1/10 from me ever again...

...because there can only be ONE worst game of all time. I have played ET for the Atari 2600, Hydlide, and Bible Adventures, and they cannot even compete with Bokosuka Wars for the worst game I have ever played. There is no point to play Bokosuka Wars at all, except to laugh at how crappy the game is.

Actually, I do suggest you actually try this game to see how crappy a video game can be...it really is beyond words.

Reviewer's Score: 1/10 | Originally Posted: 05/02/03, Updated 05/02/03

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