Review by Rick L

"Is my IQ lower yet?"

When I heard about how bad this game was, just by chance, I really had to take a look at this for myself, seeing as how this game got horrid reviews. And wow...were they ever right! Sheesh...you think that Japanese games would be better than this. Of course, there's always that bad game of the bunch, though. Bokosuka Wars happens to fill that quota tenfold.

The graphics are mainly simple at best. There's no ground, it's just all black. The earth must be gothic back in the time of this game. The scenery objects, for the most part, aren't all that bad in my opinion. They represent what they need to represent, and that's all good.

Unfortunately, I wish I could say the same about the characters. Boy, oh boy, do they look like... well, something that's not good. Our three heroes are a dude with funky things sticking out of his head who walks like he has a pole shoved up his rear and seems to point down at the gothic ground. His friends are a lively candlestick-wielding Egyptian guy and a dude who has a diamond for a head. Your enemies come in the range of people who look like they have two block heads, Robin Hood clones with big brown helmets with T's in them, and of course, we can't forget about the enemies that look like alien dominatrixes, complete with crummy-looking whips. Whee, much fun.

The sound has the same music repeating over and over again throughout the whole game. If it weren't so damn loud, I'd actually consider it to be not-annoying. Unfortunately, the volume and bleeping sounds are a little too loud for my tastes, which makes it annoying. As well, it's the same ten-second loop for the whole music, which really drives my ears to a point where they want to jump off my body and run.

As for Gameplay, it's much, much worse...

Basically, your objective is to walk six-hundred steps to the left. Of course, it's not that easy. There's evil things like trees and stumps that get in your way that you must move around. Also, because you have the natural charisma of Justin Timberlake, enemies swarm onto you like bees. You don't have to fight them unless you step on the same square as them.

And you probably don't want to fight. Basically, you have to mash the ''B'' button in order to win your battles. At least that's what the ''B'' coin graphic tells me. It could also be some really craptacular representation of ''Bokosuka''. When you fight, that graphic shows up, along with a couple of swords to show that you are fighting an enemy. Well...it's imaginative, I'll give it that. If you win the fight, then you continue on your miserable little way. If not, it's Game Over for you. At least you're treated to an amusing Game Over screen of...

''WOW! YOU LOSE!''

Something tells me that they're incredibly amazed at every time I lose this game. Of course, that's to be quite expected in this game, for it doesn't seem to like you to win battles as you progress. It shows our three ''heroes'' crying like babies and being chased by some huge blue thing sticking its tongue out at you and holding a pole.

Something tells me that one of 'em is gonna walk very stiffly after that blue thing gets done with them.

I'm guessing that once you've played this game once, you don't ever want to subject yourself to this kind of torture. Put it in a nice, safe place where your little sibling can get it and torture themselves with how bad this game is.

Overall, this is another one of those spectacular failures in the world of NES-dom. Play at your own risk, but always remember this; If you play it, then...

''WOW! YOU LOSE!''

That is all. Have a nice day.


Reviewer's Score: 2/10 | Originally Posted: 05/03/03, Updated 05/03/03


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