Review by Psycho Penguin

"Look at the cover! The gameplay! The graphics! This game SUCKS!"

Introduction

Hydlide is one of the worst games ever released for the original Nintendo Entertainment System. It is obviously designed with Zelda in mind, and the developers missed the boat completely. This game is like Zelda but without any fun in it whatsoever. Totally sucky. I think this is probably the worst video game ever made. I mean, any game where you have to run into your enemies to kill them is not good, at all. It is truly one of the worst ideas for a video game, and the execution is even worse.

GRAPHICS (3/10)

The graphics in this game are some of the worst I have ever seen in a video game. Terrible enemy and character designs, uninteresting backgrounds, and little design of the menus and opening screen. Terrible. Just plain terrible. I am truly offended by the graphics in this game, if you can believe that. Everything about this game just plain old looks horrible. I am disgusted by the graphics in the game.

''But Steve, the backgrounds are okay for a NES game!''
No, they are not. I don't care if they look realistic, because first off, they don't even look realistic. Secondly, they are so plain. Oh wow, a freaking tree! With grass! These are the kind of graphics that will live on forever!

''You have to admit the graphics are kind of cute!''
No, the graphics are not ''cute''. Sure, they may seem okay at first, but they are so damn boring. Oh wow, a brown background with black dots. It must be a desert! A green background with trees! Could it be a forest? What a bunch of crap. These graphics are okay but nothing special.

MUSIC AND SOUND EFFECTS (0.3/10)

The music in this game is horrible. I have been subjected to bad video game music many times, but this takes the cake as some of the most annoying music I have ever heard in a video game. And that is quite a feat, considering my extreme penchant for playing games featuring annoying music. My good friend (at least I thought he was, until this incident) sent me the music file featuring the Hydlide main theme, so now I use it to torture various people.

The sound effects in the game are horrible, as well. The only sound effects you will usually hear is the sound of enemies dying, or in my case, yourself dying. Every once in a while you will hear a sound, but you will probably be so bored or dead you won’t even notice. That’s how bad this game is.

''This music is just so cheery, how can you not like it, Steve?''
First off, I do not like ''cheery'' music, at all. So automatically I am probably going to hate the music right off the bat if it can be described as ''cheery''. Secondly, this music just plain old sucks. Whoever orchestrated this game needs to be locked in a room and be forced to be a sex slave for Mae Young. Ditto for whoever actually likes the music in the game.

''But, Steve, you got to love the sound effects in the game!''
What sound effects? All I hear is a bunch of crap. First off, when you ''kill'' your enemies, there is no sound. When you die, there is no sound. Hell, there aren't even any sound effects in the game. So, if you hear sound effects in the game, it must be that stuff you are smoking affecting your brain.

CONTROL (1.3/10)

I have no clue how to do anything in this game whatsoever!!! I have no clue how to swing a sword, how to jump, how to find something, how to kill an enemy, etc. Terrible control in a terrible game. How hard can it be to make a good game?

News Flash! I have now discovered how to actually play this game. Sadly, it doesn’t make the game much better. To kill enemies, you have to literally run into them as fast as you can using your sword. So, you have to run into enemies if you want to kill them. No, I am not making it up.

GAMEPLAY (-infinite)

The game is supposed to be like Zelda, but is really not as good as the classic Zelda games. Maybe its better than Zelda 64 but this game, wasn't made when Zelda 64 was out. The developers of the game were obviously trying to cash in on the Zelda craze and failed horribly as a result. Play any other game on the NES besides this one. This is the worst.

The thing that I hate most about this game is the fact that the developers simply did not try to make a good game, at all. I wish they would have at least put forth the effort in order to make a solid game, but sadly enough they seemed not to care about the game at all. They figured ''Oh heck, the game seems like Zelda, everyone is going to eat this one up!''. The only problem is the game it isn’t like Zelda at all. It is just the opposite. And it is the worst game on the NES, in my opinion.

''But Steve, I thought Heroes of the Lance was the worst!''
Yeah, I thought so too. Then I gave this piece of crap an hour, and I realized that this game made Heroes of the Lance look like Final Fantasy 6. The biggest problem with this game is the fact you have to walk into your enemies to kill them. What in the hell? Even Heroes of the Lance had better control than this!

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Other Important Scores
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Replay Value: Low


The only reason you would ever want to play this game again is to torture a friend by making him watch you play it. Of course, that would be torture on yourself. So scratch that idea. Overall, the replay value in the game is just like the rest of this god awful game: terrible.

Challenge: High

The biggest challenge in this game is to try and figure out what the developers were smoking. Also, try to figure out why your character has a sword but doesn't use it. He could at least ram his enemies using the sword, don’t you think? The developers are really messed up for using this concept.


GOOD POINTS
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-There are graphics in the game.
-There is music in the game.
-The controller works for the game.

BAD POINTS
---------------

-The graphics suck. The music sucks.
-The control sucks. The gameplay sucks.
-You have to walk into your enemies to kill them. What in the hell is up with that?

Overall (0.2/10)

Let’s see here. The music in this game is terrible. The sound effects are terrible. The graphics are terrible. The control is terrible. The gameplay is terrible. Everything about this game is just plain horrible. I mean, the basic point of the game is to kill enemies by ramming into them using your sword. Have you ever heard of a battle system that bad? I think not.

Zelda was better than this based on this fact alone, and if you throw in everything else, Hydlide is a terrible game. This is the worst game ever on the original NES. This game doesn't even deserve a score of 1 point. It deserves minus 600 gazillion points. Seriously, this game bites. Only play if you want to find out how not to make a game. No wonder FCI went out of business..


Reviewer's Score: 1/10 | Originally Posted: 11/03/00, Updated 07/16/01


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