Review by Rick L
"Another reason why I don't like the winter."
In yet another game of the tradition of creating an Olympics-type deal, Enyx decided to grab hold of the idea of re-creating the Winter games for the NES. Unfortunately, people who have never seen snow in their entire life took control of this game and completely wrecked it for all it's worth. Now we have little more than a wretched cartridge in which we can poke fun and laugh at in the bargain bin, or just to torture our siblings and loathed enemies with.
Some things look nice, and then other things resemble what looks to be second-grade artwork scribbled upon my screen in various shades of gaudy pixels in very weird proportions. My case in point with that would be the various people you see. Their legs look like they're about twice the height of their upper body combined. Either that, or they're bent into such awkward positions that real people replicating these poses would end up with permanent injury or disablement. Not only that, the poor people are animated so poorly that little stick puppets have more agility than these people in the game. The backgrounds are a much different story, as effort was actually put into this area. It's somewhat of a saving grace, but the so-called ''animated'' people are very lackluster.
What in God's name is this? First off, the music sounds irritatingly bleepy and loud...too much of that for my tastes. For the music in the event scenes, they make no sense whatsoever and seem to have only been put there because someone obviously wanted to throw in something that seemed to have an odd vibe to it. There are short little snippets of each country's national anthem once you select them, which isn't really all that bad...until you've heard them at least four or five times. Then it starts to sounds like some little kid smacking a rolling pin on a keyboard randomly. Just turn off the music and your eardrums will be happier than a kid at Christmas. There aren't too many sound effects to be heard, but the ones that are there are inappropriate and annoying, especially in Hot Dog Aerials, where when you make the guy do a flip, it sounds like an elongated, bleepy fart. The Figure Skating event has no sound effects whatsoever...and the music gets annoying fast. Vice versa can be said with the Speed Skating event. The Bobsled event has few sound effects, and really stupid music to boot. Whenever you get perfect 10's, it sounds like someone shooting off grenade launchers in the vicinity. Definitely not a thing I'd wanna take my kids to.
First off, if you do go through all the events (And by God, I would consider you insane for doing so), you can enter your name or initials. The problem with the name entry is that you can't move up or down at all, even though it looks like you should. You have to wrap-around all the way, which gets tedious really fast. Thankfully, there's only four letters you can put in, and you don't have to use them all. Once you choose your country of choice, you're ready to go!
Hot Dog Aerials
This one is easy enough. Just mess with the D-Pad and make sure your guy doesn't end up doing a wipeout in the snow. However, you may find it extremely hard to resist and end up crashing the guy over and over in practice mode, or making an ass of the guy, both of which I did. It's all handy-dandy D-Pad work here. Nothing spectacular, and certainly nothing you can't figure out on your own.
Basically, you mash the D-Pad until you get to the end. The computer opponent is so quick that you have to go right from the start or you'll never catch up with him. You basically go for about 400 meters doing the same, tedious, D-Pad mashing that this event makes you do, all the same time while listening to what sounds like the cat digging in a litter box. Much amusement.
This is about as low as it goes. You have this woman who has extremely long legs on figure skates. You listen to corny music over and over as she skates like someone who's swimming standing up. You can do one of the three following things:
1. Make her turn around.
2. Make her fall flat on her face...almost.
3. Make her do a spectacular jump...then pull a #2.
Personally, the controls are so awful in this event that you have a snowball's chance in hell of even scoring in this event. After you've watched the poor woman fall her way into the 1st. Place ambulance because of her injuries, you can move onto the next event...
This is just way too easy for words. Press A to start, and hold the D-Pad the opposite way of the curve. That's all you need to do. No muss, no fuss, no brain cells to use, and no more to really discuss here, unless you wanna have fun and tip the stupid duo foolish enough to challenge the big bad bobsled slope.
Overall, the events are either too easy, or hard for all the wrong reasons, and it can't find a balance in-between.
Replay Value: -19938483432.53444/10
Does that tell you anything? It should. It means ''Use as torture device for your siblings!''. In other words, play it once to experience the sickening smell of stupidity, then just stash the game and take it out only for use as medieval torture...well, as medieval as making someone play a video game can get.
Very lack-luster, tedious, and aggrivating, this game should definitely be avoided unless you're one of those avid game-collectors, like I am. I assume you can pick this up cheap, but I warn you, if you play this game, be prepared for brain damage and other things. This game really puts the ''fun'' in brain dysfunction.
Rick Rating: WOW!! YOU LOSE!!
Reviewer's Score: 3/10 | Originally Posted: 12/05/03
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