Review by Bobo The Clown
Galaga is a classic arcade game that was converted over to the Nintendo Entertainment System sometime in the 1800's. In it, you play the role of a lone space fighter against evil space aliens. Now, most people know the story behind Galaga, but let's go over it once more just to make sure.
It starts as most stories of intergalactic conquest do - with a towel. Towels are an outstanding thing. They can dry you off, keep you warm, soak up sweat, hail down incoming cars. They are simply so versatile. Anyways, there was ONE towel, and it was the grandest and bestest towel in the UNIVERSE. The evil space aliens wanted to go a hold of it, because it was the key to the ''ultimate weapon''. However, the lone star fighter pilot, his name was Cedric, got to the towel first. It's his job now to beat all the aliens with his brown blobs of power and save the universe. Classical literature as its best.
In Galaga, the evil space aliens come in wave after wave, attacking you mostly with spears and really sharp toothpicks. One will instantly destroy your ship. I can only assume that your ship is made out of cardboard, or that the toothpicks are really REALLY pointy. You can counterattack, not with toothpicks, but with little brown blobs that closely resememble burnt tuna noodle casserole.
My explanation makes the game sound quite simple to play, and this is true. However, it's very tough to master. After the first couple of stages, enemies began to come in faster and more furious than the Clinton family at ''Hooters''. Projectiles whirl all over the screen, and only a master will be able to keep up.
On to the graphics... Most people don't know this, but the reason why most early Nintendo games looks like beef soup splattered on a graffitied subway wall is that the space aliens from Galaga stole all the world's colors except for six. However, when someone finally got up to wave 200 of the game, this unlocked the secret key that released all the graphics back out into the world.
Unfortunately, the games already released still looked like a frog in a blender on the puree setting. Staring at a blank white piece of paper is more astonishing and mind opening then these graphics. They're most blobs of color that look strangely like programming code. Well, except for the picture of the naked lady on stage 6,781.
Once upon a time, there was some really really cool music for this game. Like, outstandingly cool music. So good that it made people cry, and give up their jobs to become ministers in the great Galagian church. However, the world's nations saw a problem with this, and banned the music from the game. Well, except for the nation of Ublockestein, and we see how well they have done... All that remains of it are minor themes before and after each level, and some rather weak sound effects.
Galaga is simply an outstanding game that you should buy immediately. First, check underneath your couch cushions; there might be a copy there, or there's probably enough loose change there to go out and buy a copy. If not, any major used game store should have a copy for under seven million dollars. Any price under seven million dollars is well worth it to play this faboo game.
Reviewer's Rating: 5.0 - Flawless
Originally Posted: 06/10/01, Updated 06/10/01
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