Review by Psycho Penguin
"SMcFadden's Raving and Ranting about the worst game ever made"
Dang it, this game really is a piece of crap that should be avoided like Mae Young in the nude. Whoever made this pile of monkey dung should be tortured by being forced to listen to Backstreet Boys songs for 24 hours straight. That'll teach them. I cannot think of one single redeeming quality of this game. Apparently some drunk programmer at this idiotic gaming company thought so, and the thousands of thousands and NES gamers went out and bought this game, thinking it will be cool. They go home and proceed to take a hammer to it, sending it out to a better place. I can't believe I wasted 15 minutes of my life playing this bs. I'd rather have brain surgery performed by Dr. Kevorkian than play this game so bad. This game is so horrible it makes Plumers Don't Wear Ties look like Zelda 64.
Graphics (0/10): Here kids, let's play a little game: Try and guess what's going on the game. Marvel as you hear various attempts at answers, ranging from ''some guy killing some thing'' to ''my toilet after eating some bratwurst''. Make fun of the programmers who programmed the game on their Apple 2 Computer. I also have a special challenge to all you gamers: Take your best guess of what the graphics are trying to show. E-mail me with your answers. Prizes range from an all-expense paid trip to hell to a copy of this wonderful game. Personally, I'd prefer the first.
Music/Sound (0/10): Please, don't make me laugh. I wouldn't be able to stop for weeks. *SMcFadden thinks of the music in Heroes of the Lance. Laughs. Laughs some more. Stops Laughing.*
Control (0/10): Great, just what the world needs, another game with horrible control. Apparently the uhh..thing on your screen decides that whatever you push in the control pad is not worthy of him moving, so he does the complete opposite. I especially enjoyed when the guy turned around and said, ''Hey you stupid piece of monkey crap, I aint doing what you're telling me to do, so why do you keep on trying?'' Well, he didn't really say that, but wouldn't it be cool if he did??
Gameplay (0/10): Ahh, the most important part of a game, and Heroes of the Lance fails to disapoint. I really didnt play much of the game before it got ''accidently'' thrown out my four story window into rush hour traffic (I still have to pay that dang taxi cab's insurance bills! :) When I wasn't rying to think of various ways to destroy it, or various ways to kill the idiot that thought this was a good idea, or trying to get that piece of monkey crap known as uhh... whatever it is to move, I figured out (from the back of the box) that it is ''an exciting Advanced Dungeons and Dragons game''. Let me tell you, those freaking advertisements are hilarious. If this is an exciting AD&D game, then I'd hate to see a boring one...
Replay Value (0/10): Sheeyah.
Challenge (12/10): Its a challenge to want to play this piece of crap for more than 10 minutes.
A note: This game might possibly be the rarest game ever to find. The reason for this is that I went down to every Funcoland in New York City, bought every copy of the dang game (idiot employee looked at me like i was nuts) then proceeded to use them for pinata bashing practice. (im sure millions of others shared in the fun of beiating the crap out of this worthless piece of plastic) I got more enjoyment out of beating the crap out of the cartridge than I did playing the game that was inside the cartridge.
Fun Factor (0/10): HAHAHA (laughing at someone who thinks this game has any sort of resemblance to fun) The fun part of this game is getting a really drunk person to describe this game... parents put your children to bed, this won't be pretty!!
Overall (10/10): AD&D is an outstanding role playing.... eh, who Im kidding. This game sucks. Only play if you're REALLY REALLY bored, need a good laugh, or are drunk like Mae Young at Stephanie McMahon's reception.
Get this game if: you need pinata bashing practice.
Reviewer's Rating: 0.5 - Unplayable
Originally Posted: 02/14/00, Updated 07/16/01
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