Review by Dragon

"You can find better porn online for free"

Panesian was a little-known company that made three pornographic games for the NES. This one, Peek A Boo Poker, and perhaps the best known one, Bubble Bath Babes. There's a reason the company was little known however. None of the games were very good, and this one may well be the worst. Bubble Bath Babes was a puzzle game that was actually seen as good to some, Peek A Boo Poker was just that, but still not as bad as Hot Slots. There is absolutely no depth to the game.

The game is this: you choose one of three different slot machines to play, and you keep pumping coin after coin in trying to hit, like a real slot machine, but this takes more effort. The three choices: Cutie Bunny, Juicy Fruits, and Las Vegas, really do not seem to make much difference, except for what I assume would be different girls if you get enough medallions, and a few tweaks in the actual slots. See, at the beginning, you are asked if you want to trade in your cash into medallions for the slot machines, but picking no just takes you to the main menu, so you may as well press yes. You start with $450, which will become medallions, since I did not see a benefit in saving some. After that, you are at the game. Then, you see the problems begin to show.

First, the sound. It is an annoying little tune that repeats all the time, and it will beat into your brain until you go insane. It is capable indeed. The only break you can from it is when you win a "big" prize and the alarm rings for a few seconds. Then it is right back at it. The only extended break you will get from it is muting the TV.

A big problem is the effort to actually run a slot. You have to press A three times to get the max coins in (which is the best way to play slots), then B to actually get the slot going. Then you have to press Left, Up, and Right to stop them separately. Seven buttons to do one slot is unacceptable. It should not take more than three.

Finally, the medallions just do not add up. As I said, you start with $450. Putting in the max coinage of three each time, each win will net you anywhere from 5-9 coins per time, with even the ultimate win, 777 in a row, only gets you 15 medallions. This does not add up at all, and you will often be losing. The only time you will be able to win a lot of medallions if after getting something like 777, or three bars in a row. You will be entered into a bonus round where each spin only takes one medallion, and every win gets you the maximum of 15. I was only able to get to this bonus round once, and even then, I only ended at 530 medallions. The makers of the game had to know that nobody is going to sit there and play this for more than 10 minutes, why did they have to make the medallions so tough to accumulate?

Summary:

Graphics: 4
Not bad, not good. Each game too similar, needed to be varied.

Controls: 3
It takes you seven buttons to do one roll of the slot. Unacceptable.

Sound: 1
That little tune will drive you insane eventually.

Gameplay: 1
All you do is play slot machines, which is tedious.

Replay Value: 0
There is none. You will not want to play this again.

Final Score: 2
Not a 1 because of collectors value.

Buy/Rent?
Actually, yes I would buy, purely for collector's value. These cartridges are getting rare and it could be worth something eventually. Buy to play, I would not recommend that.


Reviewer's Score: 2/10 | Originally Posted: 02/16/07


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