"The horror! THE HORROR!"

Intro
Interesting. Intriguing. Fascinating. Unbelievable! Yep, those were the words I used when I played such games as Final Fantasy 7, Metal Gear Solid, and Super Metroid. Are these words that would be used to describe a game that damn near rivals Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for one of the worst games ever, in my book? Absolutely not! Can we say... oh... Bland? Terrible? Torturous? Reeks of Heinosity? I'm sure you can. I don't even think these words can describe the unimaginable terror...

[HORROR MOVIE TRAILER]
How much terror can you take? How loud can you scream? How long can you play? How long until you eject this game and plug in something better? Run for cover... Hide while you can! Beware the game that is abominable above many games in its genre. Beware... ''King Neptune's Adventure!''

Sigh... The Biggest Disgrace to Ancient Mythology since Athena for NES
Okay... So Athena's Greek and Neptune's Roman. They're still both mythology! Anyway, in King Neptune's Adventure, you play as the king of the sea, Neptune himself. One of his treasures has been stolen by a strange tentacle and you must run- er- swim to retrieve it. However, the mightiest of perils stands in your way: a terrible game! Can King Neptune survive the bad music and bland idea? Can he find his treasure? Bah! I'm sure you're saying, ''Enough with the non-stop questions already!''

What to Do, What to Do...
You basically swim around in a horizontal-based, side-scrolling adventure shooting at different sea creatures. It's like Echo the Dolphin, only crappy. Where's Jaws or even Godzilla when you need them?

Balls and Lightning
Your weapon in this game... Bubble bombs and lightning. Basically, you can throw a bubble that acts as a bomb. It will bounce around and when you hit A, it explodes. A also deploys a lightning shot which does some minor damage to enemies.

Game Elements
The graphics are nothing remarkable. The character designs are some of the blandest ever. The color is simply uninteresting. The sounds are horrible. The sound effects just don't seem to fit all too correctly and the music is like something from Atari. It wouldn't be so bad if this were an Atari game. The story... Let's face it! It's a save-the-maiden storyline only they've replaced the maiden with a precious treasure. Big whoop! I think you all know how much I hate save-the-maiden stories (as well as fighting tournaments and alien takeovers). The gameplay is utterly boring. I don't know if I can fully forgive myself for exposing me to this game. Some Nirvana lyrics come to mind in the form of ''I hate myself and want to die.'' Okay, so it's not that bad of a case. I still think this game sucks! The only real plus is the controls. They work great! Well, I guess flowers do sometimes grow from dung.

FINAL JUDGMENT
Graphics: Nothing to remark on. Not much detail or color going for this game. Bad designs, too. 5/10
Sounds: I almost wish I were born deaf 1/10
Controls: Oh my... Well, I guess these aren't quite perfect controls, anyway 9/10
Plot/Storyline: See rant above 1/10
Gameplay: Boring 1/10
All Together: 1/10

Perks
*Good controls

Downers
*Dry graphics
*Terrible, terrible sounds
*Terrible, terrible gameplay
*Good lord, why?

Recommendations
For the die hard adventure enthusiasts. I hate this game, but maybe it's just me...


Reviewer's Score: 1/10 | Originally Posted: 05/28/01, Updated 09/29/01


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