"Revenge of the Fat Ninjas."

The NES system has been known to "one-up" arcade ports of other games being that 8-bit systems could only offer so much in graphic detail and/or satisfaction. Some games were nicely translated, whereas other just crashed and burned so fast that people who played them had tried there hardest to forget about them.

Shinobi happened to be one of the many victims that fell into this category. Just by the title screen on the NES version one can see how many things went wrong with the game without even playing it. I wonder how much caffeine they fed this guy.

Was it because the game was ported from a competitor in the videogame wars that led Nintendo to humiliate it so badly? Was there another reason why this game was so horribly ported?

No one knows. I can't assume anything of it, but I will try my best to review it without being too one-sided.

Here goes...

Gameplay - 1

Yep. I gave it one point. There are many reasons why the score here is received. I am giving it a one being that the control is as responsive as it should be, but the fun factor is completely forgotten. The fact that Shinobi sports lifepoints here doesn't mean you will be able to survive the misplaced enemies and everything else that keeps leeching away your life just by touching you.

It's as if Shinobi is forced to endure pain and humiliation as much as he can before death picks him up from his predicament. That ain't cool. Ninjas should be treated with more respect than this.

Story - 3

You know, plot in games like Shinobi don't matter much being that he is either rescuing hostages and destroying evil organizations, or just slashing people because he is told to do so. I am just giving it extra points because this seems to be the only thing intact from the Arcade without programming unnecessary text or a "cut scene" displaying Shinobi's incredible lack of interest.

Graphics/Sound - 1

Hm.

Let me see...Shinobi looks like a fatman in black pajamas looking for a restaurant in the streets filled with badly drawn punks and other incomprehensible gibberish passing as enemies. Even the first boss tosses frozen patties at him. Other Ninjas here seemed to suffer from the same overweight problem, being that they tip toe in neon green pajamas holding a pair of chopsticks high in the air. Food sure seem scarce here, dudes.

The backgrounds are designed as if they were colored in MSPaint; it even looks as if a 3rd Grader would have more experience in detailing them. Many times I kept trying to make sense of what exactly I was standing on, every step I took seemed like an invitation to a predictable death.

As for sound and music...I bet a Casio would sound a lot nicer, and the "sound effects" included here made my ears ring. I am just grateful that they didn't bleed altogether. The same themesong plays again and again in every single stage, no matter where you go.

There is a lot more, but I will stop right here about it.

Play Time/Replayability - 1

You know, I was so turned off about it, that I just gave up the first 5 minutes I played it. I don't think I will ever try and finish this game even if I got paid for it.

It just can't be done, folks.

Final Recommendation - 1

A zero would fit, but I do know there are the hardcore fans of the Ninja that would like to have every single game version ever made, including this one.

Am I right?

Reviewer's Score: 1/10, Originally Posted: 01/20/05